Chapter 6: Three Days of Excess

Part 1: What Are You Doing Here?

(Day 1: Morning)

Edd, Nazz, Jimmy, Kevin, Plank, Koops, Eduardo Junior, and Vivian had boarded the Excess Express for a three-day excursion to Poshley Heights in search of their sixth and penultimate Crystal Star. The steward had escorted them to Cabin 005, inside of which stood a bunk bed on the left wall, and a couch on the right wall across from the bunk bed. A nightstand stood on the wall opposite the door, between the bunk beds and the window; and a small table sat next to the door, with an ornate lamp atop the table, and a small mirror next to the lamp. The group looked around, puzzled as to how they were all supposed to lodge in one room.

"Okay, so there's, like, seven of us – eight if you count Plank – and only two beds and a couch. How are we all supposed to room in here?" groaned Nazz.

Edd rubbed his chin in thought as he devised a possible solution: "Well, the bunk bed can comfortably hold two of us. Judging by the dimensions of this sofa, I suppose it can hold three of us. As for the remaining two… whoever doesn't take the bunk beds or the sofa will sleep on the floor, unless one of us somehow packed a bed of our own."

"Well, seeing as some of us brought sleeping bags, I guess that's acceptable," said Koops. "But there is another issue that I think we need to address right now."

"I'm aware the female-to-male ratio in this cabin is two-to-five," said Edd.

"Only two girls?" laughed Kevin, looking at Jimmy. "That's debatable."

"Kevin!" scolded Nazz.

Kevin shrugged inquisitively, leading Nazz to continue, "But yeah, Double-D, that'll be, like, really uncomfortable."

"So we're all cramped in one room, so what? Am I the only one who remembers how it was done in the Glitz Pit?" piped up Eduardo Junior. "C'mon, it can't be that bad."

"Um… ahem, Junior, one day when you're older, you'll understand what I'm referring to," noted Edd.

"We'll worry about that later," said Vivian. "Right now we need to decide where everyone's gonna sleep."

"Good thinking, Vivian," said Edd. "Now, in order to comfortably fit three on the sofa, they will need to be rather small in stature. So, my apologies, but the sofa shall be taken by Jimmy, Nazz, and Eduardo Junior."

"Ugh, makes sense, I guess. So where's that leave us?" asked Kevin.

"Well, Vivian shall take one of the bunk beds, which goes without saying," said Edd.

"Oh, thanks, but no thanks, Double-D," said Vivian. "I don't wanna put anyone else out. I'll take the floor."

"Choice! Then I call the top bunk!" said Kevin, climbing up to the upper bunk bed.

With almost all lodging arrangement decided, this left Edd and Koops to decide who gets the bottom bunk bed.

"Koops, does it matter where you decide to sleep?" asked Edd.

"Not really. I can sleep on the floor and duck into my shell if need be," said Koops.

"Oh, nonsense. You should sleep in a comfortable bed, and I shall sleep on the floor," said Edd.

"Double-D, really, it's fine, I'll take the floor, and you can have the bed," said Koops.

"No, Koops, I insist. You sleep in the bottom bunk bed, and I'll sleep on the floor," Edd said back.

"Man, this is gonna take a while," groaned Kevin.

After about a minute and a half of this back-and-forth, it was finally decided: Edd would sleep on the floor, leaving Koops with the bottom bunk bed.

"I'm glad we finally came to a consensus," said Edd. "Now, we'll need several minutes to unpack."

"Can that wait, please?" asked Nazz. "I might want to explore this train some." She turned to look out the window as she awaited a response.

"Um, well, I suppose so, Nazz," said Edd. "I have my doubts that we will experience much real danger on this excursion."

Unbeknownst to the others, as Nazz gazed out the window, her eyes suddenly turned blue once again, signifying her possession by the sinister Shadow Siren, Beldam.

"Mwee-hee-hee, that's what YOU think, fool," mumbled Nazz/Beldam to herself. With the others' attention turned away from her, Nazz/Beldam turned her own attention to the door, then to her (Nazz's) wristwatch. "Only thirty seconds…"

"It seems Nazz might have the correct idea in exploring this train," noted Edd. "Where would you like to explore first?"

"I say we hit the food cart," said Junior. "Stupid me forgot to eat before we left!"

"I've packed some extra boxes of cereal, just in case, although it is still a tad early," said Edd.

"Twenty seconds," mumbled Nazz/Beldam to herself.

"C'mon, you ate three helpings of bacon this morning!" groaned Kevin. "You can't possibly still be hungry!"

"I wasn't talkin' about breakfast, I was talkin' about brunch!" retorted Junior.

"Gosh, how can something so tiny eat so much and still be hungry?" complained Kevin.

"What? I'm a Yoshi, I love to eat! I can't help that!" snapped Junior.

"Ten, nine, eight…" mumbled Nazz/Beldam.

"I remember reading a biology book I found in Professor Frankly's archive," said Edd. "I've read that all Yoshis eat more than most species, but their quick metabolism staves off obesity within the species, at least in ninety-percent of cases," noted Edd. "In fact, within a single Earth day, they've been known to eat over a hundred assorted fruits apiece."

"Ugh, spare the biology lesson, Double-Dork," grumbled Kevin.

"Three, two, one…" said Nazz/Beldam to herself. "And now!"

Nazz/Beldam watched as an envelope was slid underneath the door into their cabin by an unknown individual on the other side, gliding it to a stop eventually.

"Good," said Nazz/Beldam to herself. "At least he hasn't messed up yet. I suppose, for the time being, he can handle this himself."

Beldam decided to stop possessing Nazz for now, reverting the spunky blonde's eyes and facial expression back to normal. Nazz shook her head, as if coming out of a daze; this was quickly noticed by Kevin.

"Yo, Nazz, what's wrong?" he asked her.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I guess I kinda dozed off," she replied.

"Yeah, I bet Double-Dweeb's biology lesson did the trick," chuckled Kevin. He and the others shared a short chuckle at the expense of Edd, whose face turned red in embarrassment.

"Hey, wait up," said Nazz, noticing the envelope on the floor. "What's that doing here? That wasn't here when we got here."

The others turned to see the envelope on the floor. Koops picked up the envelope and removed the note inside it, and his eyes turned wide as he read the note.

"Oh, my…" he shuddered.

"Koops? What is it, big buddy?" asked Jimmy nervously.

"Well, little buddy, I think it's a threat," said Koops.

"Well, what's it say?" asked Vivian.

"Well, it says this," said Koops, reading the note aloud:

"This is your first- and final- warning. Do not go to Poshley Heights! Get off this train now, or a sticky, yummy doom will await it!"

"Eeep! Sticky, yummy doom?" cried Jimmy. "I thought being stuck to Ed's wall was sticky, yummy doom enough!"

"Ugh, don't remind me!" groaned Kevin. "Never thought I'd say this, but it's a good thing that bratty little sister of his stepped in."

"Don't talk about Sarah like that!" yelled Jimmy.

"Guys! That's enough!" yelled Nazz, quieting the tension instantly.

"My, my… this is a very direct threat, indeed," noted Edd. "I certainly hope this isn't Beldam's doing…"

"What's a Beldam?" asked Jimmy.

"She's Vivian's evil sister," said Nazz. "She treats Vivian like trash, among other things."

"Well, whoever this psycho is that sent us this, ya gotta figure they might be on the train, right?" inquired Junior. "We gotta get this nutjob before anything goes bad on this train!"

As the others were embroiled in conversation regarding the threatening note they had just received, Vivian suddenly gasped as she was beset with a splitting headache. She saw a flash of a shady, sinister face before opening her eyes.

"Gah, I think I'm seeing things," she moaned.

Edd sighed exasperatedly, taking the note from Koops. "I simply cannot believe this. Why must it be that every time we search for a Crystal Star, we are faced with life-threatening perils?!" He threw the note onto the floor in frustration. "First Hooktail, then Lord Crump and his X-Nauts, the list goes on…"

"I think we should tell somebody," said Jimmy. "My mom always said if you're in danger, you should tell someone who can be trusted."

"A very wise decision, Jimmy," agreed Edd. "There must be an officer of security on board this train somewhere. We should find said officer and inform him of this potential danger."

"So what are we waitin' for? Let's go!" said Junior.

"I'll be with you momentarily," said Edd. "Vivian, I would like to speak with you in private."

"Oh, okay, sure," said Vivian.

The rest of the group left the room, with Jimmy carrying Plank and Kevin commenting "Man, this is getting weirder and weirder." As soon as they left, Edd turned on the tabletop lamp and closed the window curtains to ascertain his and Vivian's privacy.

"Something is troubling you," said Edd, locking eyes with Vivian. "I can feel it."

"What do you mean?" inquired Vivian.

"You had confessed to me that you had lent your powers to me," said Edd. "This transfer of powers has allowed us to become connected. Just as you can sense my emotions, I can sense yours, as well."

Vivian looked down to the floor as Edd continued, "It seems the time has come for another one of our private conversations."

Double-checking to make sure no one was returning to their cabin, Edd slowly removed his makeshift hat, revealing the Eye of Wisdom on his forehead. Vivian emitted a shocked yelp at the sight of the Eye, confusing Edd.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"L-l-l-look in the mirror," she stuttered.

Edd immediately crossed over to the desk and gazed into the mirror, and gasped as he saw what Vivian was referring to: his Eye of Wisdom was glowing a bright silvery orange.

"Oh, my! The Eye- it's… glowing? What can this possibly mean?" he inquired.

"From everything I've overheard Beldam saying about the ancient talismans… for example, do you know why the Eye of Wisdom is referred to as such?" asked Vivian.

Edd shook his head "no" in response, prompting Vivian to continue: "Each talisman is named for their unique abilities. The Eye of Wisdom, for example, grants its bearer magnified intelligence."

"Well, to be fair, I do consider myself fairly intelligent, so it stands to reason that I have been referred to in my dimension by nicknames such as 'nerd' and 'geek,' and of course, 'teacher's pet,'" said Edd.

"I meant magnified to the level of genius," said Vivian.

Edd fell silent at this statement, unsure of how to respond. Him? A genius? Certainly he was intelligent and well-educated in a variety of subjects, but… a genius?

"It also enhances the capabilities of the bearer's brain," noted Vivian. "In other words, I feel that the Eye of Wisdom allows you to see things that your own two eyes cannot."

"Very enterprising, indeed. And what of the two remaining talismans?" asked Edd.

"The Charm of Life is a rather frightening talisman. It's like a container of sorts for souls," explained Vivian. "The Charm is capable of housing souls, both living and dead, and when worn by an individual, that individual is at risk to be possessed or mentally altered. However, in a sort of trade-off, the one who wears it may also possess increased physical abilities."

"Oh, dear, that particular talisman sounds dangerous," noted Edd. "Let us hope we do not happen across it any time soon. Now, you had mentioned a third talisman, yes? The Crown of Might, if I recall."

"The Crown of Might… that's the worst one of all of them," said Vivian, shuddering. "Whoever wears the Crown of Might is granted immeasurable, rather, infinite strength and power. It was so powerful that only the Master of Shadow and Dark-or rather, the Mistress of Shadow and Dark- would ever wear it."

"But if the Crown possesses infinite power, how, then did it come to be destroyed?" inquired Edd. "Assuming that it was destroyed in the first place."

"As far as I know, there's no one alive who knows what became of the Crown," said Vivian.

Edd massaged the temples of his head as he struggled to process this information. "My goodness, this has gotten so far out of hand," he groaned. "I do fervently hope that if there are any individuals in possession of these remaining talismans, they would most certainly use them for good, and not for evil."

"Well, it's still a long shot that anyone would even have them," said Vivian.

"All the same, extreme caution must be exercised by all," said Edd. "Especially now that we know that there is a criminal mastermind on board this train who is willing to place the lives of all on board at risk."

"Yeah… about that," said Vivian nervously. "Um…when I heard what was written on that note, I had a quick flash."

"Oh? Is that true? I haven't experienced, for lack of a better word, any flash," noted Edd.

"Well, it was more of a mental flash, but still," said Vivian. "I saw a shadowy face, but only for a split second."

"Hmm… I wonder," said Edd, scratching his chin with his left hand and his head with his right hand.

"Wonder what?" inquired Vivian.

"You had mentioned that you have the ability of prophecy," noted Edd. "I wonder if your 'mental flash,' as you refer to it, may be a vision of what's to come."

"Gosh, I hope not," said Vivian, shuddering.

"Hmmm…" mused Edd as he tried to process this information. After a while, he shook his head, cleared his throat, and said, "In any event, we mustn't spend our time worrying about the events to come. For now, let us please attempt to enjoy the day."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, um, right, agreed," said Vivian, snapping out of a pensive trance. "Let's go find the others."

Edd placed his hat back on his head to conceal the Eye of Wisdom. He opened the curtain to allow the natural sunlight to once again bathe the cabin in its light as Vivian switched off the lamp. The intelligent boy and the kind-hearted Shadow Siren exited the cabin and reunited with the rest of their group, who were on their way back from the conductor's car.

"Oh, hey, guys. Any luck?" asked Vivian.

"Yeah, we told the conductor all about the threat," said Nazz. "He said he was going to inform the rest of the staff. But he also doesn't want to alarm the other passengers, so he wants to keep it quiet."

"I… suppose that would be for the best," said Edd pensively.

"Yeah, yeah, now that that's all over and done with, can we get us some grub now? I'm starving!" exclaimed Junior, rubbing his stomach.

"Ugh, whatever shuts you up, pipsqueak," growled Kevin.

"Hey! That's Junior to you, Diggerchin!" snapped Junior.

The group, led by Nazz and Jimmy, crossed through the train until they reached the dining car. The dining car was extravagant, with several tables lined up on both sides of the car. The tables were elegantly draped in satin white and green tablecloths; in addition, the tables were positioned directly underneath the car's large windows. The overall atmosphere was rather pleasant, with groups of rather wealthy patrons seated at several of the tables, engaging in conversation. The fast-moving scenery outside the windows indicated that the train was now crossing a seemingly vast desert landscape; that is, unless most jungles in this dimension were covered in sand and canyons for as far as the eye could see, dotted by prickly brownish-green cacti of different shapes and sizes (a hypothesis quickly disproven by the group's recent experiences on Keelhaul Key). The kitchen was located near the center of the car, with an item and souvenir shop toward the opposite end of the car. A nice, lovely piece of music played softly over the intercom, not unlike what would be found in the lobbies of most luxurious hotels. Almost immediately, the group was greeted by a female Toad wearing a pink, frilly apron, along with a doily on her lilac-spotted cap which matched her lilac-colored pigtail hairstyle.

"Welcome, welcome, welcome!" she exclaimed enthusiastically. "This is the dining car… It's where you dine and stuff! Some people take this train… just so they can eat our… yummy fabulous food! My name is Dot T., and… I will be your server… for this luncheon. How may… I help you today?"

Edd was quick to notice the woman's strange speaking pattern. It seemed she would pause after every few syllables.

"Greetings," said Jimmy politely to the woman. "Table for seven, if you please."

"Oh, of course, kind young man," said Dot T. "…Please come with me, right this…"

Kevin impatiently moved his index finger in a circular motion as if to say "Hurry it up, already!" Dot T. took the cue immediately and said, "Way!", so suddenly and quickly that Jimmy jumped in surprise. She led the group of seven (and Plank) to a large booth, which was enough to seat at least four people on either side. Edd, Vivian, Eduardo Junior, and Jimmy sat on one side (with Jimmy still carrying Plank), while Kevin, Nazz, and Koops sat on the other end, with Edd seated at the end of the booth and Nazz seated closest to the window.

"I shall return momen… tarily to take your…" began Dot T.

"Orders," Jimmy finished for her.

Dot T. nodded, handed the group their menus, and walked off. Once Dot T. was out of earshot, Kevin chose to speak up.

"Man, is she weird or what?" he grumbled.

"Kev, that wasn't very nice to say," Nazz scolded.

"Hmph, my bad," groaned Kevin.

Edd observed Kevin's facial expressions and body language pensively with a frown, noting that while the jock seemed calm, he was also increasingly nervous sitting next to Nazz. Intriguing, thought the intelligent boy to himself. Kevin attempts to disguise it well, but he cannot pull the hypothetical hypoallergenic wool over my eyes. He has increasingly been building up an immense load of anger, frustration, and rage, all the while masking it within the presence of Nazz. I certainly hope that Kevin does not resort to any foolish course of action…

Vivian noticed Edd lost in his thoughts, and cleared her throat, startling him and bringing him back to reality.

"Ahem, yes, well, I see that much of you are fairly new to exhibiting proper dining etiquette, so allow me to show you how to properly fold your napkins," said Edd, demonstrating this by folding his napkin with proper, even creasing.

"Blah, blah, blah, c'mon, Dad, can't we eat already?" complained Junior.

"Calm down, Eduardo. We've yet to place our orders," said Vivian.

"Well, I'm havin' double- no, triple of what Dad's havin'!" bragged Junior.

"…Very well, then," said Edd.

The group opened up their menus, and Edd was shocked, eyes wide as saucers, mouth agape, at the menu's layout. There were over fifty options for meals, their names written in such a fancy way that even he could not decipher them.

"Um, is it me, or am I the only one who doesn't understand this stinkin' menu?" complained Kevin.

"Actually, Kevin, you're not alone. I concur with you," noted Edd. "Even I cannot decipher the admittedly upper-class names of these meals."

"Yeah, like, is this even English?" griped Nazz.

"Like, okay, so which part of the menu is up, and which part's down?" complained Koops.

"Oh, come on!" groaned Jimmy, aggravated, causing the others to look up at him. "Are you all completely new to the art of fine dining?"

The group's collective silence spoke volumes to Jimmy, who said, rather haughtily, "Hmph. I rest my case."

"Well, at least one of us is adapting to this environment with relative ease," noted Edd.

Dot T. returned to the table and asked, "So, now, young ones, have you… decided on what you… would like to order?"

Junior facepalmed at Dot T.'s speech patterns before he went, "Uh…"

The rest of the group, except for Jimmy, also seemed unsure about what they wanted to order, but Jimmy was ready to place his own order, telling Dot T., "I shall order the salad, a la grande, of course, and perhaps some fine mineral water, hold the ice."

Not a single person at the table, including Edd, fully understood the petite boy's upper-class meal order; even Dot T. seemed puzzled.

"Uh… sure," she said.

"Pardon me, but would you, by chance, have any soup?" asked Edd.

"As a matter of fact… yes, our best chef is at… work making some great soup!" said Dot T.

"Well, in the case, I shall order some soup. Medium size, if you please," said Edd.

"I'll take the soup, too! Except I'll have three soups, and make mine super-sized!" said Junior very quickly.

"I'm cool, but maybe I'll have a glass of water," said Koops.

"I'm feelin' a steak mood," said Kevin.

"Make that two steaks," added Nazz.

"I'll just have a small salad, please," said Vivian.

"Coming right up. I will… be back in a moment," said Dot T. before leaving the area to pick up the group's orders.

"Bohemian, Eduardo. Three super-sized soups? Are you certain that you can stomach such a large load?" asked Edd incredulously.

"Uh, Dad? Helloooo? Yoshi in the house!" bragged Junior proudly. "I could get 'em all down in just a few seconds."

Kevin opened his mouth to retort, but ultimately decided against it. Edd decided to take the opportunity to check his messages on his laptop. He saw that, in addition to Marie Kanker's email, he received one from Eddy at Professor Frankly's. Curious as to what Eddy's message was, he decided to open it.

"BANG BANG BANG! BOOM BOOM BOOM! Gotcha, didn't I?" came Eddy's voice loudly in what turned out to be a prank message. In the message window were various pictures of Eddy's head spinning around in complete rotations, laughing loudly.

"What the-" began Kevin, before stopping himself.

Edd lowered the volume on his laptop and slammed it shut, his face bright red from embarrassment; the loud voice of Eddy on the prank message had directed the attention of Edd's friends and other patrons and staff all around the dining car toward Edd, who sank slowly in his seat.

"Eddy is going to pay for that," he mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me?" came a new, but familiar-sounding loud voice, the source of which presumably that of a young girl, but based on the apron, worked as a waitress. She was facing the opposite direction of the group at their table, instead staring into the kitchen as she smoothed out her auburn hair.

"Uh… hello?" asked Kevin impatiently.

"Oh, don't mind me," said the young waitress, still facing the kitchen. "Just a heads-up, it might be a while before we start serving the food."

Junior groaned and slumped down in his seat.

"Pardon me, young lady?" asked Edd.

"What?" said the waitress, somewhat rudely.

"I believe it to be poor etiquette for the servers to face in the opposite direction of their customers as they speak," noted Edd.

"Oh, well, excuse me, where are my manners?" said the waitress, somewhat sarcastically.

The waitress turned around, and the Peach Creek kids, especially Jimmy, were shocked when they saw her. That flowing auburn hair, those blue eyes, that loud voice, that forced smile masking a scowl… there was no mistaking it. It was Ed's baby sister, Sarah!

"Is that…" began Nazz.

"Sarah?" asked Jimmy, shocked. "What are you doing here?"

Sarah didn't respond; instead, her expression changed to confusion at being addressed by such a name.

"Sarah? Hello?" called Jimmy again.

"Huh-what?" asked Sarah. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh, Sarah, you're so funny," laughed Jimmy. "We're talking to you, of course! It's me, Jimmy!"

Sarah raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Jimmy?"

"Yeah, don't you remember me? And Double-D, and Nazz, and Kevin?" asked Jimmy.

"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, weirdo," groaned Sarah. "First of all, see my name tag? My name's not Sarah, it's Bridgette. And second of all, I've never met you people in my life."

End of Part One