NOTE: I feel like I should've included Jellal a lot earlier in this fic, but eh nothing I can do about that now. I don't really have plans for them to watch DevilArtemis' "Cell Vs". I only plan for them to watch TFS' ones.
Also, Vegeta only said the C and V word in the DBZA Kai episode 3.
Other than that enjoy the chapter and review!
Chapter 56: 16, 17, and 18 Things I Hate About You
(cut to Vegeta screaming over his broken arm)
KRILLIN: Holy crap! Okay, things are looking a bit dicey, but-
TRUNKS: FATHER! (transforms into a Super Saiyan and rushes to help Vegeta)
"Krillin! What did I say about speaking too soon!" Lucy berated the monk.
"To be fair! Trunks was going to rush in either way," Levy told her book friend.
KRILLIN: Okay! Okay, Trunks can handle this. I mean, that sword cut Freeza in ha-
(Trunks swings his sword at Android 18, where it shatters upon contact with her arm)
The mages comically gape at Trunks' sword being shattered into pieces. Erza and Kagura both shuddered at the sight of a good sword breaking.
"They are all going to die," Minerva stated flatly.
KRILLIN: Oh, no...
ANDROID 17: Hey, Bright Eyes!
(Trunks turns his head and receives a blow from Android 17 knocking him down to the ground)
KRILLIN: Okay, we need a plan. We need to- (Piccolo and Tien rush ahead to help Vegeta and Trunks) Run away! Oh, my God!
"Why is Krillin the only sensible one!?" Yukino shouted, in panic.
"He's always been the only sensible one. Mostly due to how scared he gets," Lucy explained to her panicking friend.
(Piccolo prepares to attack 17)
ANDROID 17: What did I tell them? (kicks Piccolo away and dodges a punch from Tien before putting him in a headlock) So, if you can explain to me in one sentence why you thought this was a good idea, I might just let you go. (Tien makes a choking sound) Yeah, see, I don't get it either.
"You didn't exactly give him a chance to explain," Millianna pointed out.
"That's the point, Millianna," Kagura patted her guildmate's head, making the cat girl purr.
VEGETA: If you think breaking my arm is enough to defeat me("It was enough to make you scream like a bitch," Minerva mocked), android, I'll show you how wrong you can- (prepares to rush towards Android 17, but Android 18 grabs his leg) Damn it, woman! Would you let me finish a goddamn sen- (Trunks rushes towards Android 18) Ahh! (Android 18 throws him at Trunks, knocking both of them to the ground and causing Trunks to revert to his normal form)
"She defeated two Super Saiyans at the same time…" Rogue's mouth dropped in shock.
"Just how crazy was Gero to make these things so strong!? Especially to match Super Saiyans!" Jellal hoped that there were no scientists in their world to be as insane as Gero.
KRILLIN: See? This shit right here, this is why we don't group up. I'm just gonna do what we usually do and wait for Goku. (Android 16, who is programmed to respond to commands involving Goku, turns to look at Krillin)
"While that is a sound plan, Krillin. I wouldn't have name dropped Goku," Bickslow said, as Krillin attracted 16's attention.
KRILLIN: Aah! Uh... uh... quack?
(Android 16 eyes turn red and start scanning Krillin. The results show "Subject: Krillin, Status: Goku... NEGATIVE, Bird... DUCK?")
"A-A duck?" Rogue questioned.
"Hm, I didn't expect the Space Duck joke to make a return," Levy hummed.
"That was a thing!?"
ANDROID 16: (smiles at Krillin) Hmm. (a bird lands on his hand) Hello, bird. What is your name? (bird tweets) Toriyama?
Lisanna and Wendy both gasped in happiness at Toriyama's return.
ANDROID 16: (bird tweets again) I would love to see your dinosaur. (bird tweets once more) It does WHAT?
"How does a bird have a dinosaur?" Romeo questioned the absurdity.
"Because Toriyama can do whatever he wants!" Wendy adopted a dark aura, directing it at the boy next to her. Romeo quickly apologized, making Wendy smile again.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(cut to Piccolo on the ground regaining consciousness)
NAIL: (Hey, uh, you okay down there?)
"He's not dead, so I would say he is," Cana said.
PICCOLO: Ugh... Yeah, what did I miss?
NAIL: (Well, both the Saiyans are down, one of the bald guys is getting choked out and the other one is quacking.)
KRILLIN: (off-screen) Quack!
"Krllin's best defense!" Happy cheered.
PICCOLO: All right, I've got this.
"No you do not!" Mira spoke with doubt.
"And if you die then the Dragon Balls are gone!" Lisanna waved her arms in concern.
NAIL: (Whoo, no, you don't.)
PICCOLO: You wanna bet?
"I don't want to bet on your life," Erza disagreed with the Namek.
NAIL: (Not really...)
(Piccolo attacks Android 17, but Android 17 dodges the attack and delivers a heavy blow to Piccolo in the stomach, sending him flying back down to the ground)
Mira blinked rapidly at Piccolo's quick defeat. "He lasted longer against Freiza…" Her shock was huge.
NAIL: (All right, so what do I win?) (Piccolo does not respond) (Hello?)
"He's either dead or unconscious and considering the fact that we haven't switched to a dying Kami. Means that Piccolo is still alive, thankfully," Levy eases the worries of others.
VEGETA: (quickly gets up and fires an energy blast at Android 18) ELEMENT OF SURPRISE! (Android 18 avoids the attack and knocks him back on the ground)
"Are you an idiot?" Laxus asked, stupefied.
"That's definitely something Natsu would've done," Lucy sweatdropped.
VEGETA: Uhh... Why do I yell things?
"Because you were born loud," Carla answered.
ANDROID 18: Hey... So, who's got two broken arms and is a total bitch?
"Vegeta," Was the unanimous answer.
VEGETA: You stupid bint. You only broke one of my- (18 steps on his good arm, breaking it and causing him to squeal in pain)
ANDROID 18: This guy...
(Vegeta continues squealing and reverts to his normal form)
ANDROID 17: Huh, that's cool. He can turn off the blonde.
ANDROID 18: Yeah, and unlike you, he doesn't need a bottle.
"Still makes me wonder if Salamander dyed his hair," Gajeel thought out loud.
"I DIDN'T DYE IT!" Natsu roared back.
ANDROID 17: You're just mad 'cause I wore it better.
ANDROID 18: If by "wore it better," you mean people kept mistaking you for me…
"An issue that only twins can run into," Mira humms.
ANDROID 17: I'm sorry, does that make me girlish or you mannish?
"Nothing wrong with being manly!" Elfman flexes.
ANDROID 18: That's hilarious. You talk like he fights.
"Just burning Vegeta even while he's unconscious," Sting winced.
"Eh, Frieza's said worse things," Gajeel shrugged.
KRILLIN: Um... (Androids 17 and 18 lock their eyes on him)
"Goddammit Krillin," Lucy sighed.
KRILLIN: (thinking) Why do I do things?
"I would like to know that too," Lucy pleaded.
(both Androids fly up and land near him)
KRILLIN: Okay, now listen. I believe that if we were to come to blows, I would, uh, come up short... No pun intended.
ANDROID 18: Heh, he's funny.
"I think that's the first time a woman ever said that to him," Wakaba chuckled, lightly.
ANDROID 17: Roll it back, pint-size, we're not gonna fight you. You're about as threatening as a cocker spaniel.
KRILLIN: You bring up a fantastic point. So I shall continue to stand here and do nothing.
"If only the others would listen to you from time to time," Lisanna mentioned.
"Where's the fun in standing around?" Natsu asked, confused.
"Do you want to get pummeled constantly?" Lisanna shot back. The Fire Dragon Slayer flinched back, obviously agreeing with her.
ANDROID 18: Sounds good. We're gonna go kill Goku.
KRILLIN: (starts stuttering) Damn it, you can't kill Goku! (runs up to the three Androids)
"Yeah! Defend your best friend!" Sting shouted in agreement.
ANDROID 17: Yeah, pretty sure we can.
KRILLIN: Okay, but you shouldn't!
ANDROID 16: He makes a fair point. But I insist we still kill Son Goku... On the grounds that I want to.
"The fact that 16 even acknowledged that it would be morally wrong to kill Goku is surprising," Jellal said, astonished. Maybe there's more to these androids than just being killers.
ANDROID 17: Well, you heard the man-droid; hands are tied.
KRILLIN: If...that's your answer, then I will...be forced to stop you!
ANDROID 18: (laughs) That's cute. (kisses Krillin on the cheek) You're cute. Have fun living to not fight another day.
THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD….
The sounds of jaws dropping to the floor rang throughout the entire guild. Krillin got a kiss from a woman. KRILLIN the bald monk who is probably the most questionable midget(Erza would argue with Ichiya) any of them have ever laid their eyes on was kissed by a woman. A beautiful cyborg woman who was designed to kill his best friend.
"Krillin...you goddamn son of a bitch," Gajeel smirked.
ANDROID 17: The hell was that? You got a thing for dwarves now?
ANDROID 18: What if I do? Societal definitions of beauty are BS anyway. (the Androids fly off)
"I've never agreed more with anyone else until this moment," Cana gaped.
ANDROID 17: Look, if this is about pissing off Mom and Dad, you could just date a black guy.
ANDROID 18: Oh, my God.
"Something racist I guess," Levy thought.
ANDROID 17: Oh, right-they're dead.
ANDROID 18: Oh, my God.
KRILLIN: Wow... (thinking) Oh, man, I gotta tell everybody!
"Nobody is going to believe you," Macao said.
"I'm still having a hard time believing it happened," Wakaba agreed with his friend.
KRILLIN: But first, Dr. Senzu Bean. (reaches inside a bag and takes out a few Senzu Beans) (out loud) Huh? The hell happened? I had like fifteen of these.
"You kept handing them out like coupons," Carla told the bald monk.
KRILLIN: Eh, should be enough... Man, they are not gonna believe this!
(cut to everyone back on their feet)
TIEN: I don't believe you.
TRUNKS: I can't believe you.
PICCOLO: I don't care.
KRILLIN: Dang it. What about you, Vegeta?
(Vegeta screams and flies off)
"All of those reactions sound about right," Bickslow laughed.
"Especially Vegeta," Freed added.
KRILLIN: See? He believes me... And he's jealous.
"He had sex with Bulma. He has no reason to be jealous of you," Gildarts said.
TRUNKS: Damn it, not again! (prepares to fly after Vegeta)
PICCOLO: Trunks.
TRUNKS: Huh?
"Just give it up, kid. Your father's a giant asshole and with the mental state he's currently in, you would just get more hurt," Makarov spoke, eyes downcasted.
PICCOLO: Just give it up.
TRUNKS: Argh. (dissipates his energy) Mom said that he was stubborn, but this is just asinine.
"Is that really all she told you?" Lucy wondered.
PICCOLO: Yeah, but at least he's not trying to kill us all again.
TRUNKS: He tried to what?!
"SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU!?"
KRILLIN: Jesus, future Bulma, what the shit?
TIEN: Not to belabor the point, but we just got crushed- they were way stronger than any of us could have prepared for.
"That's true. Even with the extra three years they had to prepare, they still were absolutely crushed," Levy bit her pen in frustration.
"Which makes all of this even weirder. Trunks said that when they fought the Androids in his time, all of the Z-fighters were killed off. But, here they were all beaten and left alive. I know Trunks' butterfly effect caused changes, but what could've prevented their deaths?" Jellal explained his thoughts to everyone.
"The androids also seem very 'human'. Trunks described them as monsters, but they only seem as if they'd rather be doing something else. Besides the killing Goku thing," Erza added onto Jellal's theory.
TRUNKS: Yeah... And somehow, they're even stronger than in my time.
"That kinda explains why a three year training Super Saiyan Vegeta and Super Saiyan Trunks were single handedly beaten so easily," Levy wrote down everything said so far.
PICCOLO: What?
TIEN: Are you kidding?
KRILLIN: Jesus, future Trunks, what the shit?
"Well...he wouldn't know until he got his ass kicked," Laxus defended the time traveler.
PICCOLO: Fantastic. So even with two Super Saiyans...
TIEN: We're all just the north side of useless.
Levy remembered when she called them useless and regrets it. Seeing them try so hard and get beaten made her feel bad.
KRILLIN: Well, if Super Saiyans won't cut it, then maybe what we need is a Super Namekian? Eh? (Piccolo says nothing and glares at Krillin)
"What would a Super Namekian even look like?" Wendy imagined a Namekian with glowing green hair.
KRILLIN: Too bad those don't exist, eh? Hey, Piccolo? (Piccolo continues to glare at Krillin) Right? Super Namekian?
PICCOLO: Oh, my other me, shut up!("Kami or Nail?" Levy questioned) (fires an energy blast at Krillin, Tien and Trunks, who all jumps out of the way, and then flies up into the air) You can all kiss the greenest part of my ass! (flies off)
TIEN/Gray There are greener parts of his ass?
"I don't want to know," Mira frowned.
TRUNKS: Wait, where is he going?
KRILLIN: Eh, looks like he's flying out to Kami's. Or whatever else is in that direction; could be a lot of things.
"So that was Kami. Wonder what he wants with Piccolo," Freed questions.
TRUNKS: Wait, so I'm confused... Is it Kame House or Kami House?
KRILLIN: No, no, no, listen. Kame house is the place with the turtle...
(cut to Piccolo flying in the sky)
NAIL: (So, uh, gonna tell me what that was all about?)
PICCOLO: Look, just... You might be getting a new roommate.
Eyes widened at Piccolo's statement.
"Piccolo and Kami are going to fuse back together!?" The mages shouted.
"Alright! Those androids are toast now!" Natsu cheered.
NAIL: (Do I have to move the pool table?)
PICCOLO: When did you get a... I almost fell for that.
(billiard balls clacking together can be heard)
Fits of laughter burst forward in the guild.
NAIL: (Fell for what?)
PICCOLO: Hrm...
(cut to Bulma's house, where Mrs. Briefs is humming and reading a book)
MRS. BRIEFS: Huh? (sees Bulma with baby Trunks, Yajirobe, and Gohan flying in)
BULMA: Hi, Mom!
MRS. BRIEFS: Oh, Bulma! If it isn't my beautiful daughter and my even more beautiful grandson! Oh, and Gohan! Long time, no see! (Gohan is seen being bashful)
"So adorable!" Mira and the other women gushed.
MRS. BRIEFS: And... (pauses on Yajirobe) Um... I'm not sure I'm familiar.
YAJIROBE: I am Yajirobe and I am here for your pantry.
MRS. BRIEFS: I see. Honey, we have a food stamper!
DR. BRIEFS: (from inside the house) Tell him I have a gun because I pay taxes!
YAJIROBE: Challenge accepted.
"He wants to get shot?" Romeo wondered.
MRS. BRIEFS: So Gohan, would you like to come in for some cake and tea? And those little hard candies no one ever actually eats?
GOHAN: No, I kind of have to go make sure my dad's not dead.
"A regular day for you," Gray said.
MRS. BRIEFS: Okay. Well, you have fun.
(Gohan flies off)
BULMA: Hey, Mom... Why do you never seem to age?
MRS. BRIEFS: (laughs) Oh, your father won't let me…
"Weird...that's a bit weird…" Kagura leaned back.
(cut to Piccolo flying up Korin's Tower)
KORIN: Hey, Piccolo, have you seen Yajirobe? Has he called or texted... (Piccolo flies past him) Aw, damn it…
"You two should really invest in a communication device," Yukino spoke.
(Piccolo arrives at Kami's Lookout, reequipping his weighted clothing, and stands in front a shocked Mr. Popo)
PICCOLO: Hey, Mr. Popo.
MR. POPO: HELLO, YOUNG KAMI!
"Is he ok?" Wendy asked.
"He's never ok," Carla answered the young Dragon Slayer.
(Kami appears behind Mr. Popo)
KAMI: Ah, hello, Piccolo. Good to see you again.
PICCOLO: Cut the crap, Kami! you know what I'm here for.
KAMI: Well, that didn't last long.
"It's Piccolo, what do you expect?" Laxus raised an eyebrow.
MR. POPO: All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle. (continues repeating this phrase during Piccolo and Kami's dialogue)
The mages all blink repeatedly at Popo's doings.
PICCOLO: Okay, what's up with him?
KAMI: Don't mind him; he just got through dropping a gallon of LSD.
"A GALLON!?"
PICCOLO: A gallon?
KAMI: A literal gallon... Out of a milk jug. I don't even know where he got it from... He never leaves the-
MR. POPO: KAMI? I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT I CAN LEAVE THE LOOKOUT IF I WANT TO!
KAMI: Mr. Popo, you may leave the lookout if you-
MR. POPO: BITCH, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! (after a short pause) All these squares make a circle. (continues repeating the phrase again)
"Cana?" Lucy looked at her drunk friend.
"Yes Lucy?"
"Don't get that drunk...ever."
"Sure."
KAMI: Quite. As you were saying?
PICCOLO: I'm here for your body.
"Could word that better," Juvia blushes at the thought. Whereas Mira turns green at the thought.
NAIL: *scoffs* (Could at least take him out to dinner first.)
"Exactly!" Lisanna agreed.
PICCOLO: (thinking) First, we don't eat. Second, shut up.
KAMI: And what makes you think that I'm just going to give it up that easy?
PICCOLO: Because if you were half the guardian of this dirtball that you should be, then you'd know that we don't have any time to waste! (Mr. Popo's chant can no longer be heard)
KAMI: It is true... A great evil has risen. Unlike anything this planet has ever seen before.
"The androids must be stopped for peace to be restored!" Erza shouted.
"That...was so cheesy it hurt," Minerva insulted, making the knight blush in embarrassment.
PICCOLO: Then you know what I'm talking about! You know exactly how dangerous these Androids are!
NAIL: (Am I the only one who just noticed a huge tone shift here?)
"No you are not," Levy noticed it too.
KAMI: The Androids are a threat, yes... But they are paltry to what I fear comes next.
(cut to a shot inside a hidden laboratory where a small fetus is seen floating inside a tank and the screen goes black with something laughing evilly)
Everyone sat frozen in their seats at the sight in front of them. As if they were slowly scratching the surface of what the Z-Fighters were about to face. A nightmare even greater than Frieza was slowly approaching.
MR. POPO: Well, that's f**king ominous!
"Aaaaaaannnnnddddd all tension was killed in a moment. Thanks, Popo," Levy deadpanned.
[ENDING SEQUENCE]
[STINGER]
(a phone ringing can be heard)
KORIN: Hello?
YAJIROBE: Hey, Korin.
"Oh, so Korin did have a phone," Yukino was pleasantly surprised.
KORIN: Oh, my God, where are you? Where have you been? Why haven't you called?
YAJIROBE: I'm at Bulma's place, and I haven't called because my cell phone has been destroyed.
KORIN: What happened to your cell phone?
YAJIROBE: It was blown up with the car.
KORIN: What happened to the Pussy Wagon!?
YAJIROBE: It was blown up!
KORIN: By who!?
YAJIROBE: By Dr. Gero!
KORIN: Who the hell is Dr. Gero!?
YAJIROBE: I don't know! Some scientist?
KORIN: Well, did you get his information?
"That's gonna be pretty difficult, considering Gero is now dead," Lucy sweatdropped.
YAJIROBE: Well, he didn't exactly hit me with a car, okay?
KORIN: Jesus Christ...! Look, all right, just come home.
YAJIROBE: You're mad.
KORIN: I'm not mad, I'm just concerned. Now, come home.
"Aw!" The women gushed at how much Korin cared.
YAJIROBE: Yeah, I need you to pick me up.
KORIN: *sigh* I'll see what I can do.
YAJIROBE: I love you.
KORIN: I love you, too.
"They're so sweet together!" Juvia gushed. She was happy that there was at least one relationship that wasn't a hot mess.
Chapter End