Author's note: Officially pulled the plug on going to some friends' weddings in a few months because Canadian provincial governments are an absolute coast-to-coast joke and needed some emotional support fluff. Take care of yourselves, everyone. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the canon, world, and characters portrayed below and you can tell I'm not J.K. Rowling because #transrights

Hogwarts: Assignment 8, Criminology Task #2 Write about someone's motive for doing something.

Content Warnings: NA

In The Tabloids

"There's more?" Sirius asked when Kingsley came in with another box full of invitations.

"You're marrying the Minister of Magic, love," Kingsley said distastefully. "Always assume that there's going to be more."

"The Minister of Magic is lucky he's so handsome," Sirius muttered under his breath, even as he reached out to take the box from Kingsley. Harry laughed, and Kingsley kissed the top of Sirius's head, where his hair had been gathered in a bun.

"I'm telling you, Black," Dora said from her end of the table, where she was slipping the wedding invitations that Sirius and Kingsley had already signed into envelopes before she passed them to Remus, who addressed the envelopes since he had the best penmanship of the group. "You should've eloped. It's the way to do it."

"You had a wedding after you eloped," Harry pointed out.

"So somebody needs to properly elope, is what I'm hearing," Sirius said innocently.

"Don't cause a scandal," Remus said. "If the Wizenmagot gets upset with Kingsley now, how is he going to get that Wizarding War Reparations Act to pass through?"

"Thank you Remus," Kingsley said. He turned to Sirius and offered his fiancé a fond smile. "There will be Firewhiskey and cake, and I promise to dance with you and only you. It'll be fun."

"After 9:00 P.M. when all the boring government people leave so they don't miss their bedtime," Sirius muttered.

"Oye watch it, that's Remus's bedtime too," Dora said. She looked quite pleased with the barking laugh she drew out of Sirius, shooting Remus a mischievous smile. She'd made her eyes chocolate brown to match with Teddy's, though, and she'd made her shaggy hair that deep emerald green Remus loved—so he couldn't be too mad, though he did stick his tongue out at her like the grown-up that he was.

"It's fine," Sirius said. "I'm just being dramatic."

"You?" Remus asked. "Dramatic?"

He said it quietly, but the other three howled as Sirius scowled.

"I just thought it would be very mature of me to let everyone know that I was, if nothing else, self-aware," Sirius said, tilting up his chin in a very dignified way. He turned to Kingsley and a far more serious, and far more genuine, smile touched his lips. "You're aware I'd go to far more extensive measures to become Sirius Shacklebolt, yes?"

"Shacklebolt?" Kingsley asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm going to steal your name," Sirius said. "As ruthlessly as the conspiracy theorists believe I stole your heart to secure a pardon."

"I didn't know you wanted to change your name, that's all," Kingsley said.

"Is that alright with you?" Sirius asked, sensing Kingsley's hesitation.

"I just… I always found it strange when people changed their name, that's all," Kingsley said.

"Tonks changed her name," Sirius pointed out.

"Tonks wasn't using her name."

"Excuse me—I very much was," Dora piped up. "As a first name."

"Alright, Tonks was misusing her first name," Kingsley amended.

"Thank you. As you can see, I needed to steal 'Lupin' out of sheer necessity," Dora said, tucking another invitation into an envelope before passing it to Remus with a satisfied look on her face. Remus smiled right back at her. By the time they got home, Andromeda probably would have put Teddy to bed. At least he hoped so, because Remus was feeling particularly fond of his wife at the moment and very much wanted to kiss her senseless like the lovestruck boy she routinely reduced him to.

"I also have a very good use for 'Shacklebolt,'" Sirius said. "I've dedicated an entire lifetime to being the least 'Black' Black to ever live. It's a rubbish name from an even more rubbish family. I have no interest in keeping it when I have an ideal replacement within arm's reach."

He leaned over to kiss Kingsley on the cheek.

"See?" Sirius said. "Within arm's reach."

Kingsley smiled at that.

"You realize this is going to be in the tabloids?" Harry asked.

"Everything's in the tabloids all the time," Sirius shrugged. "May as well rile up Rita Skeeter to get some entertainment out of it."

WC: 691