"Tallest's Log: It is currently the 8th of Flauxnar in the 1043 year of Zilla. I am Almighty Tallest X, the sole ruler of the mightiest Empire in the universe. Irkens have flocked to their new coding with admirable vigor. They will serve the cause with honor. History will remember how we devastate the Syndicate and the other forces such as the Intergalactic Unity and the Planet-Jackers will fall in line with our wills or suffer our wrath." She walked over to the window, looking down at the Irkens below.

"And it should be noted, that this feat could only have been accomplished with me serving alone. The traitor known as Tallest V was holding me back, like always." She frowned, staring at the perfectly organized movements below her. Everything had a distinct purpose, no longer were Irkens mulling about doing the stupid things that Vero used to do: snacking at every. Fucking. Vendor; stopping to read posters or signs; running into poles because they were buried so deep in some news article that they were not longer paying attention. This. Was. Perfection. Finally: Irkens were reaching their maximum potential. There was nothing they couldn't accomplish now.

Still... Xia felt a tad... unfulfilled. The Irkens below were such a well-oiled machine that it all felt a little...perhaps... lacking. It was hard to tell what exactly it was that was missing with the scene, but it just seemed as if the throngs of smallers should be... well... worshiping her more.

She sighed. The feeling wasn't leaving, she needed something to lift her spirits... but what?

Ah. Yes.

Her protégé.

"Tom!" She abandoned her window to look elsewhere in the Tallest's quarters. She had left the intern mulling about somewhere- she was sure of it. She had given him some meaningless task to get his overly cheerful existence out of her face so she could relax; however, relaxing had proved lonelier than intended and now she wanted him back. "Report to me, Alf!" She paged him through the loudspeaker. It wasn't long before the younger Irken was at her side, looking quite out if breath. "Ah good. You're here."

"Yes, My Tallest!" He wiggled his antennae, head bowed in respect. "I am sorry to report that I have been unable to locate your favorite pen that you dropped." Xia didn't use a pen; everything was done digitally now a day and she had no use for one.

"It's fine, Vik. You can continue looking later. Right now, I require your immediate attention."

"Of course, My Tallest."

"So," she cleared her throat, linking her hands behind her back as she looked down at him. "H... how are you?"

"U...um?" He looked confused by the question. "... fine?" His answer was almost a question in and of itself.

"Yes. Of course you are. Good." Xia looked away for a moment. "I know this all must be pretty overwhelming for you, basking I my presence, serving my every whim."

"I... guess..." the Elite gave a small shrug.

"You guess?" She lifted an antenna, narrowing her eyes at him.

"I mean... of course I am happy to serve you, my Tallest. But..."

"But? There should be no but. That is all you needed for that sentence: of course, I am happy to serve you, My Tallest- end of sentence."

"It's not that," he had been avoiding her gaze, but quickly looked up. "I really do enjoy helping you. I think you're amazing; you have a lot to teach me and I am excited to learn!"

"See? That wasn't so hard to say," Xia softened her gaze a bit. "There was no need for a 'but'."

"It's just that... all those Irkens out there... do you think they're okay?" He looked directly into her eyes. Xia faltered for a moment, caught off her guard by the question. She cleared her throat.

"Of course. They are absolutely fine, better than fine, actually. They are operating at the peak of their ability."

"Yeah, but they aren't computers... they're Irkens. It's just... weird..." he didn't seem to believe her explanation. It was bothersome to say the least.

"Well it is working, Frank, and it's only temporary."

"I guess you're right." He looked away again.

"Of course I'm right. I'm the Tallest. Decisions like this are the very reason I know you aren't ready yet. You have so much to learn about understanding the cost of your actions. You are naïve, and probably a little bit stupid, you have a lot of Vero in you, unfortunately. However," she put a hand to the Elite's shoulder, "you have the benefit of training under me. I will keep you strong, Quax, you are the only Irken I am trusting with any task right now."

"You're right..." he seemed to perk up a bit.

" Of course I am. I'm tall." Xia shook her head. "You have so very much to learn; I'll just have to keep teaching you." She sighed. "Now, run along and stay out of the Control Brains' way. They are going to make us legends."

"Okay!" He looked more at ease, though there was still slight uncertainty in his tone.

"And get me a sandwich!"

"Of course, My Tallest." He ran to the exit, just as he did, the door slid open revealing Sym (or rather, IX). She looked down at Ven, her expression twisted into an empty smile. He stared up at her for a moment, before hurrying past and out of the room.

"It is a pity he is not as strong or wise as you are, My Tallest."

"Well, he's young, almost still a smeet. Not all Irkens can just know everything when they leave the underground. I am afraid only I was that talented." She shook her head. Her protégé would learn. He had the time.

"We can fix him. If you would like."

"No." Xia was a little taken aback by the suddenness of her answer. "I mean, that won't be necessary, Control Brain. He won't learn anything if we just make him better. If he is going to be my successor; he needs to use this time to better himself."

"I thought you did not require a successor."

"I mean," she scoffed, "I don't. I am going to live pretty much forever. But he needs to have unachievable goals. It's good for him to learn early in life that things are just colossally unfair."

"I do not fully understand your reasoning. My Tallest."

"Ugh," she shook her head. Computers. Sure, the Control Brains were brilliant and the best hope for Irk's continued thriving, however sometimes simple concepts would just be lost on them. "I need an intern to get my coffee, such a task is so clearly beneath you that it is dumb to ask."

"Very well." The Control Brain did not seem entirely satisfied with the answer but was content to let it drop. Xia didn't like the idea of her assistant ending up as mindless as Sym. Sym was insufferable- so it made sense to change her. The Tallest Rising was... a little stupid, sure. But he was also the only Irken to whom she could speak. Taking him away would leave only M for organic companionship- and Xia was not that desperate yet. Plus, it seemed as if her little intern fully understood her value: he looked up to her, trusted her. The only issue with the newly coded Irkens was their lack of revelry in her presence. The Tallest Rising was just going to need to idolize her more to make up for the deficit. "I have come to inform you that the secret snack stash has been raided by M."

"That bitch." Xia took in a slow deep breath. "I thought you were guarding it."

"Parasites exploit a blind spot in our sensors. They are not easily detected by technology. Also, I am currently prioritizing the impending war over your secret snack stash."

"But they are good snacks, IX."

"Your obsession with food is vaguely reminiscent of Therron."

"DON'T! Compare me to him!" Her eyes were filled with hate. "Fine. Let her eat all the fucking snacks. The War is more important. I can see that very clearly. I was just testing you and your priorities, and you passed. This time. Good." She crossed her arms indignantly. "Where is M. She needs to report to me."

"It was just established that M is difficult for us to properly detect."

"Fine! I will find her myself! As the fearless and powerful Tallest I will lower myself to searching for our ally that you lost. I don't know what I'm paying you for, but okay."

"You do not pay us. It is one of the reasons Control Brains are more efficient than your typical Irken underling." IX didn't sound particularly impressed or intimidated, but Xia was willing to pass this off as a symptom of being in Sym's wretched body.

"I'm AWARE of that. It was another test. And you passed again." She cleared her throat, linking her arms behind her back. "Anything else, Control Brain?"

"There are a few Irkens throughout the outskirts that have not reported for mandatory reassignment including all eight of the Mothra Elite."

"A bunch of weird reclusive hermits with skin problems." Xia shook her head. "They shouldn't be hard to find."

"The most probable outcome is that they fled into the Wilds and were promptly devoured by the wildlife, as there is no record of them in the Collective currently."

"Gross."

"However, the idea of them escaping and disconnecting from the Collective cannot be fully excluded."

"If you're really worried about a bunch of moon-worshiping zealots, it seems unlikely that you can take on an advanced society like the Syndicate."

"The Mothra Elite had influence. We must quickly squash out any internal turmoil if we are to swiftly destroy a military like the Syndicate Rangers."

"They can't do much if they got eaten."

"That is simply a theory. We have no evidence to support that they are dead."

"Fine. Put X on task to find out what happened to them." She sighed heavily. "Do I have to do everything around here?"

"X?"

"Sure. X."

"X, who is located on a military base on a moon that is three planets away?"

"Yes? And?"

"You want him to investigate the wilds on a planet he does not even occupy?"

"Okay. Look. I can't be bothered to keep all of you straight. You all have dumb names that sound similar. Just put whoever on it and move on. I have to find M."

"As you command, my Tallest."

"Damn straight." Xia grumbled under her breath as IX took a deep bow and exited the room. She didn't particularly like the idea of Irkens going missing, but she currently had bigger things on her plate. M related things. Now, despite being surrounded by subservient machines possessing Irken bodies, she was going to have to go through all the trouble of finding M. No matter how great and powerful the Control Brains claimed to be, everything still fell on Xia to do herself. Now she had to go through the overwhelming tediousness of locating a Parasite on a huge ass planet. She walked back over to her desk. "M, report to my office."

Mothra be praised, this was such a hassle. She really was the only one doing anything in this war.

It took longer than she wanted before the Parasite emerged in her more natural form, floating up the lift tube without even waiting for the platform. She landed soundlessly on the floor, looking at the Tallest with an unreadable expression.

"You ate. My snacks." Xia's long fingers drummed on the desk before her. "Explain yourself."

"I'm hungry."

"Then eat. Something. Else." She gritted her teeth, narrowing her eyes at her parasitic foe. They should have been named mooches over Parasites. It was far more accurate. "Those were mine."

"My usual food isn't exactly available." As she spoke one of the fleshy appendages retracted to reveal a large, half eaten bag of chips.

"Well, that doesn't mean you can eat mine- are those my fucking chips?" Xia recognized the brand. M looked at her, then at the bag, her mouth split open and she shoved the entire bag in her mouth, packaging and all.

"No." Her thieving fingers quickly typed out her denial on her little Text-to-Speech app.

"Fuck you! They had my name on them!"

"You can prove nothing."

"I can prove it when I rip the bag out of your bleeding gut!"

"I doubt you have the anatomical knowledge to locate my gut. And honestly... threats? Aren't we beyond this? We're friends now."

"I would hardly call us friends." Xia did not actually know the location of M's organs, but she was willing to find them through trial and error. "We are simply allies of convenience."

"Aww, I thought we were really bonding." As she typed the words out, she made a pouting expression. She looked up at Xia, walking over to her desk, leaning closer. "I was even going to tell you about the intruder and everything!" It was incredible how, despite using an electronic voice to communicate, she still managed to sound unconvincing.

"Intruder?" Xia folded her hands, arching one of her antennae quizzically.

"If you want to call it that. It's another Parasite: Q."

"That's the one you hate, right?"

"I mean, I suppose I hate all of them, but: yes. That is the one I hate the most."

"Where is he?"

"On this planet."

"Okay," Xia was getting annoyed, "but where? Irk is a big planet."

"I can't pinpoint him exactly. It is more of a vague sensing of his presence. I could feel that he has arrived on this planet. It is as if all of the sudden everything just got a little worse."

"So," Xia tented her fingers, "let me get this straight: you have the ability to... smell or feel or whatever- another Parasite. The range is planet wide. But you have no way of tracking him."

"That is the bare basics of the scenario, I suppose."

"That is a shitty fucking ability."

"Look, we are territorial. I can tell he has entered my space and if he were in my direct line of sight, I would know it. But he isn't."

"So basically: you know him if you see him."

"A vast oversimplification, but sure."

"That is literally what you just told me. I'm not oversimplifying things. You're needlessly complicating them."

"Look. The point is, he's here. So, odds are your merry band of misfits is close behind. He was with the Syndicate bastards when they boarded your Massive and also maybe murdered those obnoxious tall guys."

"What do you mean maybe? They were definitely murdered. We have proof."

"Even you don't fully believe that."

"I believe what is necessary to move things forward. Alive or not: they are dead to the Collective and dead to me."

"Look, we're friends, Tallest X. We want the same thing. I mean... maybe. We want similar things. You want conquest and glory and I want that too... but also: revenge."

"Revenge?" She had seen that look on M's face before, in the cell when Q had been brought up- that seething, dark hatred. "The territory dispute?"

"Again: gross oversimplification. This goes much deeper than that."

"Oh?" Xia sat back a bit. "Do tell."

It was a long time ago, during the reign of your Tallest Miyuki. Word was out that Q had sustained injury from the Red Death and had retreated to nurse his wounds.

I was planning to hunt him; and he knew it.

You see, Tallest X. This whole galaxy used to be mine. Back when the ancient Irkens were still using star charts I was eating their hatred, greed, and fear. Q was a careless mistake. I was going to eat him the moment he hatched- as most Parasites do, but the slimy little bastard not only escaped, but managed to run me out of the territory.

"So he's stronger than you?" Xia interrupted.

"No. He is a dirty, little cheat who turned the locals into paranoid hunters. It was simpler to just leave, rather than risk being brought to some primitive form mob justice. PAKs were becoming commonplace on Irk anyway. The territory was losing value and not much worth the dispute."

"Incorrect. Irk is amazing and worth any dispute." Xia corrected. M was silent, causing the Tallest to look back over a her. All seven eyes were narrowed in annoyance.

"May I finish?"

"Very well."

My time came when news had spread of his injury. I tracked him here, to your planet. It was a stupid move to hide amongst the Irkens seeing as how you offer very little in the way of food. However, perhaps it was the proximity- or maybe Q really is that dense- this was where he was trying to hide. However, I had brought Q into this universe, and I was going to be the one to take him out of it and gain that glorious burst of energy a Parasite gains from vanquishing its young.

I blended in perfectly with your ranks, my shape-shifting was flawless. No one gave me a second thought as I searched for him. As I said, I can identify him on sight. It was just a matter of getting close.

I stalked through Irk, invisible to your throngs of computers as I tracked my prey to the bowels of your smeetery. It was the perfect hiding spot on this wretched planet. Your young are unattached to PAKs as they incubate, thus what emotion they have is still consumable.

"He was trying to eat our young!?" Xia ignored M's eyeroll as she interrupted again. The absolute nerve of this: Q. To feed on smeets? Was he insane!?

"He was eating their emotion."

"I hope you destroyed him!"

"I..." M looked at her, a tad dumbfounded. "I mean... not yet... obviously. But that is the general plan."

"Right. Continue then."

Smeets don't generate a high amount of negativity so I knew he had to be hungry. Positive emotions only sustain us so much. I saw him, posing poorly as a Smeetery-Technician easily fooling your mechanical safeguards. "Q." He looked at me, I could see his hairs stand on end.

He knew his time had come.

"M." That voice- that slimy, smarmy voice. I just wanted to rip his throat out. "You're looking old."

"And you look like you're dying. It's actually a good look for you." He had gotten thin; I could tell he was hurting. I could see the injury in question, a jagged scar across his back- an ideal target.

"Fuck you."

"You are so desperate you are hiding in these tunnels on a planet that can barely feed you. And why?" I knew I had him cornered. I could sense that he was nervous. "Because you're afraid of little me?"

"Parasites fear nothing."

"Parasites can fully shape-shift. What you're doing now? It's actually kind of sad." The form he had taken resembled an Irken in shape only. The colors were still that of our natural form. The PAK was poorly reconstructed in a failed attempt to hide his multiple eyes. He was broken and I knew it.

"Are you implying that my injury changes my species somehow?"

"I am implying that your injury will be your death." I jumped forward for the kill, but he was fast. Q was a slippery thing. He was always good at getting away. It is the reason he keeps surviving. The thing about fighting in your smeetery, however, was all of your blasted safety precautions. I had to kill Q. But I also had to avoid triggering one of the thousand fucking alarms that you have on each of those smeet-incubating tubes. We were deep in Irken territory with no way out. I knew if we were discovered, we would both be caught.

"But obviously that is incorrect because you got captured instead of Q." Xia reminded her. M gave her a very annoyed look. Perhaps the Parasite didn't appreciate that Xia was clever enough to predict the end of her story.

"Yes. Obviously so."

"Well how did he do it?" Xia was curious, despite M's poor story telling ability. (Who left in a part where someone insulted them? Xia's retellings were far more entertaining and accurate.)

"I was going to tell you but you keep interrupting me, so now I don't feel like it."

"M," Xia looked her dead in her seven eyes, "if there is a flaw in our smeetery's security then you have to tell me. It is your job. And also, the law."

"The... law? It is the law for me to reveal a security flaw from two hundred years ago?"

"As of right now," Xia pulled out her reader and quickly constructed a new law, signing it into reality. (This was all so much quicker without Sym and her stupid passwords.) "Yes. It's a new law. Now you have to tell me."

"Fine. But if you interrupt again, I will jump out of this window and you will never hear the end."

"Not if I throw you out of the window first!"

"That... doesn't make sense. Then you don't know the end anyway."

"Yes. But I will have thrown you out of a window and set an example to all of those who break the law that I just made." She shoved the Reader forward for M to see.

"Law 567 Subsection H-" M began to read, but looked back to Xia. "Is there any reason to the numerical system of these rules? I feel like there should be one, but I can't see it."

"I mean I've been making up the numbers arbitrarily based on which one's sound cool. Higher numbers sound more important."

"I see..." she continued, "All Parasites or other officials are required to share any and all detailed history as it pertains to the Irken Empire, and especially if it is something Tallest X wishes to know."

"See?" Xia leaned back, smugly; knowing her work was done. "It's the law." M didn't look as impressed as Xia wanted, but she was a Parasite not an Irken. She probably didn't fully understand all the subtle nuances of why that had been a good move.

"Fine." M replied flatly.

It was a difficult fight, but at the end of it: I had Q right where I wanted him. The smeetery had sustained no damage and he was pinned up against the wall my red-arms wrapped around his throat, squeezing the life from him as he rapidly changed in size to try to escape, the phalanges were boring into his flesh, draining him of every ounce of his life. Then, all at once-

Alarms.

Loud, blaring. Lights were flashing and I could hear the metallic clicking of those mechanical legs you Irkens are so proud of as they hurried toward us.

That fucking bastard had broken one of the tubes. Everything was locking down, trapping us both-

or so I thought.

Q had managed to weasel away from me when the alarms startled me- and squirmed into the tube he had broken. Before I could go in after him, metal plating covered all the smeetery tubes in some sort of protection. The same plating covering all exits. I was trapped. I took Irken form in desperation but the first Irken in was your damned Tallest.

"Identify yourself!" She had a plasma gun; it wouldn't kill me if she shot but it would fucking hurt and I had used a good amount of energy trying to kill Q. A shot from that would take a long time to heal. "I said identify yourself!"

But you know as well as I do that I couldn't say a fucking thing that she could hear. We can fool so many creatures. But not Irkens.

She had guards with her. I was surrounded. I tried to escape, I transformed into one of your gniders, I used my red-arms to grab as many of the Irkens as I could. I tried to liberate them from their PAKs. But I couldn't touch her. Miyuki ended up shooting me several times in the back. The damage wasn't permanent like whatever Red Death had done to Q- but the next thing I knew I was on your Massive locked in a cell. And that is how I ended up where you found me. Alone and forgotten. After Miyuki died, I was just left to rot.

"I have questions." Xia had let her finish uninterrupted as M was getting very pissy for some reason when she was questioned or corrected mid story.

"Questions?"

"The weird red tentacles, you call them arms?"

"Yes." To emphasize her point, M fluttered the strange red appendages that seemed to stem from her back. "They are our red-arms. Why? What do you call them?"

"Weird red tentacles."

"They do not appear as tentacles all the time, though."

"Well, they sure as Mothra don't look like fucking arms." Xia knew what arms looked like. They had hands on the end with three perfect fingers. No more. No less. "And also: you say you liberated Irkens from their PAKs. You're talking about killing them, aren't you?"

"Potato Potato."

"What the fuck is a potato?"

"I don't actually know. It's an expression I heard once. Look: it is only deadly if they don't get un-liberated in a certain amount of time. So technically: I didn't kill them. I set the framework for their death. But if they died or not, isn't up to me. And regardless, you of all Irkens shouldn't have a problem with my body count."

"What happened on the Massive was overkill and I am still upset with you about it." Xia's eyes narrowed, her antennae lying flat as she bared her teeth, her voice becoming suddenly quite cold. "However, it was also for the greater good of Irk."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, my Tallest."

"My Tallest." Before she could correct M on Irkens not even needing sleep, she was interrupted by IX, as Sym, bursting into the room. "We have a report from I. Chaos on the street, possible Invasion from the rebel Irkens."

"Then M's weird Parasite sense was almost useful. It seems that Q showing up is indicative of the others. Any idea where they went?" Xia stood from her desk, pushing purposefully passed M to meet IX.

"Negative. I indicated they had mentioned the docks but we have searched them to no avail. The Irkens in question seemed to have escaped into the sewers."

"Fuck. We need to be on high alert then."

"Yes, My Tallest. We are sending out scouter ships to make sure they haven't escaped our atmosphere. Should we find Syndicate we will deal with them using lethal force."

"Shouldn't I have to authorize that approach?" Xia would have done so, but the point was that she was supposed to be consulted.

"I am asking now."

"No. You were telling me."

"It was a question. It just may not have sounded like one because I am a computer and do not understand how organic lifeforms interact."

"Oh." That made sense. "Very well then, yes. If you see the Syndicate. Kill them. If you see the rebels, I want them dead. Especially the ex-Tallests. Purple should be hunted with extreme prejudice. The Parasite should be left to M to deal with. And Vero," she walked over to the window, looking back down at the streets below. All the Irkens now moving with weapons drawn. "Vero is mine to kill."