Chapter 6: Three Days of Excess

Part 2: The Case of the Missing Cooking Pot

(Day 1)

Edd and his fellow Peach Creek companions (save for Kevin) couldn't believe what they were hearing. Jimmy, especially, felt his heart break into two little pieces; his skin turned paler than usual, and he looked as if he was going to pass out. After such a long time apart, he had finally found Sarah, his auburn-haired angel, his pummeling protector, his best friend for all time… and she was acting like he was a complete stranger, and didn't seem to remember him at all. Worse yet, she was apparently calling herself "Bridgette?" What was the meaning of this?

"You… you don't remember?" cried Jimmy, tears forming in his eyes. "But… how…?"

"NO, NO, NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" shouted a panicked voice from the kitchen.

"Ugh, now what?" groaned Kevin.

"Oh, dear! A shriek of terror! A poor soul in need of assistance!" Edd noted.

The intelligent boy had a kind heart, and was not one to allow a call for help to go unanswered. The issues regarding Sarah would have to wait for now.

"Pardon! Who called for assistance?" called Edd, making his way to the kitchen, with his friends in pursuit.

"HEY!" yelled Sarah/Bridgette. "Only authorized personnel are allowed in there!"

There was most certainly some trouble brewing in the kitchen (pun intended, of course). When Edd and his companions arrived, they found the kitchen packed with people. The chef, Chef Shimi, was a Cheep-Cheep, a fish-like species new to Edd and his friends, who appeared to be around Jimmy's height but wearing a chef's hat; he was very distraught about a pressing issue that had recently arisen. Also in the room was Dot T., the strange-talking waitress; a famous-looking Toad with flowing blonde hair, wearing sunglasses and a pink leather jacket; a rather tall mouse-like Mouser, who appeared to be a businessman, based on the blue necktie he wore and the black briefcase he carried; but the most curious individual of all came in the form of a small penguin-like species called a Bumpty, although he was wearing a red bow tie and a pair of bifocal eyeglasses, as well as a tweed hat; he was also wearing a plaid satchel over his shoulder, which he carried in his left hand so he could carry a magnifying glass in his right hand.

"No, no, NO!" cried Chef Shimi. "My heart cries out in the salty pain of misery! That was my masterbeast- er, masterpiece! Sorry, English isn't my first language… And now it is gone, and I am left with tears of horror in my eyes!"

"My word! Your cooking pot's been stolen?" gasped Edd. "Based on the sound of your shriek, I believed someone was dying!"

"Pardon me," said the Bumpty, in a vocal timbre reminiscent of Hercule Poirot but with mannerisms more akin to Sherlock Holmes. "All of you gathered here, I'm going to need your names."

"Dot T., the waitress," said Dot T.

"Shimi, the-the chef," said Chef Shimi, crying.

"Hey! How do you not know the great Zip Toad, the famous movie star?" said Zip Toad, the famous-looking Toad, clicking his tongue, winking, and forming a gun-shape with his right hand. "Sorry, I only sign autographs for cute chicks."

"I'm Ratooey," said the large Mouser. "And that's pronounced 'Ratooey,' NOT 'Ratatouille.'"

"…Ratooey," said the Bumpty, jotting down the names before turning to face Edd's group. "And what about the, erm, nine of you lot?"

"Pardon? Nine? Yes, Sarah, who strangely calls herself Bridgette now, is with us, but that only sums up eight. Who could-" began Edd. His question was answered when the Bumpty directed his gaze to the floor near Jimmy's feet, where Plank was found "standing" in an upright position.

"Hm, how did-?" began Edd again.

"Your names, please?" the Bumpty interrupted.

"Ahem, yes, pardon me, where are my manners?" said Edd. "My name is Eddward, but please, address me as Double-D."

"Hi, I'm Nazz," said Nazz.

"Call me Kevin, and what the heck's goin' on here, Sherlock Penguin?" said Kevin.

"I'm Jimmy," said Jimmy, taking Plank in his hands.

"I'm hungry," said Junior, before realizing his mistake. "No, wait, I'm-"

"Moving on," said the Bumpty, turning to Koops.

"Koops from Petalburg," said Koops.

"Call me Vivian," said Vivian.

"I'm Bridgette, but the weirdo with the high-pitched voice says my name's Sarah," said Sarah/Bridgette. "I don't know why…"

The Bumpty then turned his attention to Plank, expecting a response. Jimmy realized this and told him, "Oh, I'm sorry, but this is an inanimate object."

"Or is it?" said the Bumpty, bringing his magnifying glass uncomfortably close to Plank.

"Come on, already, can we get back to the stupid pot?" complained Zip Toad.

"Yeah, we're all goin' hungry here!" added Kevin.

"Hm, yes," said the Bumpty. "I can say without the slightest hesitation that this smells like a case to me. But what shall we call it? That is the question before us, yes- what to call it? …Yes! This shall be 'The Case Of the Pot of Supper Stew That Vanished Suddenly and Mysteriously!"

"A rather long-winded title, I must say," said Edd. "Perhaps instead, we shall call it 'The Case of the Missing Cooking Pot.'"

"Ah, yes, kind young sir, that shall do quite nicely," said the Bumpty. "Hmm… this is a full-fledged mystery here, one that impacts you all!"

"WHAT?! A MYSTERY?!" shouted Chef Shimi. "A mystery, say you? And, um… exactly what kind of a dish is a 'mystery?'"

The Bumpty promptly facepalmed at the chef's absentminded question before introducing himself.

"Detective Pennington's the name," said the Bumpty. "I suppose it's obvious, given my hat, bow tie, satchel, and of course, my magnifying glass."

Pennington is a Bumpty detective who hails from Poshley Heights. He claims to be a detective, but he leaves all the work to others, only taking credit for their findings. He doesn't seem to be very good at his job, either.

"At the risk of being immodest, you might say I have a certain nose for these things," said Pennington. "As you know, Chef Shimi has no doubt had his cooking pot stolen."

Eduardo Junior collapsed on the floor, moaning in anguish as this meant he'd have to wait much longer to eat.

"Is something wrong with Hungry, there?" asked Pennington.

"My name is-" began Junior, his voice muffled as he lay face-down on the floor.

"Not now, Hungry, I'm in the middle of a case," said Pennington. "And this little conundrum, my fellow passengers, poses no challenge… to me. Oooooooh! The central clue of this case, and also the most vital one, as it happens… is that our perpetrator took the whole pot, stew and all! And this, esteemed friends… leads me to believe that the culprit responsible for such a heinous deed… is right here in this room!"

"Eep!" gasped Jimmy.

"What?!" yelled Sarah/Bridgette.

Pennington paced around the kitchen, his flippers behind his back, as the suspects began to shoot glares at each other.

"Now, there's no possible way that Chef Shimi would be stupid and/or sloppy enough to steal his own cooking pot, so we can rule him out as a suspect," said Pennington.

"No kindling- I mean, kidding," said Shimi.

"Hm, English not your first language. Noted," said Pennington. Pointing at Zip Toad, Ratooey, and Dot T., he added, "Well, that just leaves you three."

"Oh, pish-posh. I'm traveling on business," scoffed Ratooey. "I don't have time to steal."

"Ah, yes, a businessman," said Pennington. "Never would've guessed it if not for the briefcase. I take it all charges go to the company's account?"

Ratooey nodded, prompting Pennington to conclude, "Well, then, you would have no reason to steal what you could get for free…"

"Ugh, could this get any lamer?" groaned Zip Toad in frustration. "I'm goin' back to my cabin, 'cuz I got a life to attend to-"

"AHA!" shouted Pennington, pointing accusingly at Zip Toad. "So! In a hurry to get back to your cabin, eh? Everyone, I believe we have our culprit, and he is Zip Toad! My, how far the star has fallen to resort to such dastardly shenanigans as stealing a cooking pot!"

Everyone fell silent, expecting Zip Toad to yell out a rebuttal; so it came as a shock that Dot T. was the one to make her opinions known.

"No way, he's Zip Toad and… he's a famous movie star!" shouted Dot T. "There is no reason for… a rich and famous star… to steal anything!"

"Oh, of course, what was I thinking?" said Pennington, pointing accusingly at Dot T. "Then that just leaves YOU, you gluttonous woman!"

"WHAT?! Are you completely cuckoo?!" shouted Dot T. angrily, giving up her predilection to pause after every few syllables. "I have, like, no idea what you're talking about! Gluttonous?! I weigh forty-five pounds, thank you very much!"

"Yes, Toads are rather lightweight species, based on the data I've collected about them during our time in Rogueport," said Edd. "At least, compared to myself and my comrades."

"Errm… sorry," said Pennington sheepishly. "Pardon me. Please accept my apologies, my dear woman. I felt I needed to practice my accusation skills, you understand. Yes, sorry again."

"Hmph," Dot T. fumed. "You stupid old geezer."

"Though I must say, the verbal thrashing was rather unwarranted," said Pennington.

"Man, this is gettin' old," moaned Kevin. "Arguing's not gonna solve any problems, so stop acting like babies and focus, otherwise that pot of food'll be gone forever."

"Ugh, will you please stop talkin' about food? I'm still hungry," whined Junior.

"If anyone finds my cooking pot, then I'll gladly feed you till ya burst!" said Chef Shimi.

"Now that's more like it!" said Junior, perking up slightly and climbing to his feet. "So what are we waiting for? Let's go and find it already!"

"Yes, it's much better than standing around and arguing senselessly about it," noted Edd, rubbing his forehead. Good Lord, this was supposed to have been a smooth locomotive excursion. Instead, it began with a rather sticky threat, pun intended; and now we've got a crime on our hands…

XXX000XXX000XXX

Edd and his friends, with the exception of Sarah/Bridgette, had returned to their table. Edd was currently on video-chat with Eddy via laptop, relaying the recent events on the train.

"Sounds to me like you got a whodunnit on your hands, Sockhead," said Eddy.

"Yes, indeed, and a most peculiar one, I must add, Eddy," replied Edd.

"Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, I can crack this case, no problem," bragged Eddy. "So, lemme at it."

Edd spent the next couple of minutes explaining the circumstances and details of the whodunnit that had presented itself, including the nature of the crime, the missing item, the estimated frame of time elapsed, and the current pool of suspects.

"Hm, elementary, my dear Sherlock," said Eddy.

"Well, you certainly have a way with words, Eddy," chuckled Edd with a hint of sarcasm.

"Okay, well, my gut tells me it's that business guy, uh… what's his name?... Ratooey," said Eddy.

"Ratooey? How do you figure so, Eddy?" asked Edd.

"Easy. He's a businessman. If there's one thing to know about business people, it's that they can't be trusted," said Eddy. "Trust me, I'd know, since I know business."

"I'm quite certain that you do, Eddy," said Edd in a rather deadpan manner, the memories of Eddy's failed scams coming back to haunt him.

"Yeah, busy-ness-men are like cucumbers!" yelled Ed, pushing Eddy out of the way to insert himself into the view.

"Wait your turn, Monobrow!" groaned Eddy, pushing Ed out of the way. "My bad, Double-D. Where were we?"

"Hey, do you have any evidence to either place this guy at the scene or disprove his involvement in the crime?" asked Goombella from offscreen.

"Unfortunately, we appear to lack any credible, concrete evidence at the present time," said Edd.

"Okay, well, I strongly advise that you keep poking around," said Goombella.

"A very wise suggestion, Goombella, thank you," said Edd.

"Well, I gotta go before Lumpy starts wreckin' the kitchen," said Eddy. "Call if you need anything else, got it?"

"I most certainly will, Eddy," said Edd. He and Eddy waved goodbye before disconnecting the signal and ending the video chat session, after which Edd closed his laptop and stored it away with his luggage.

"Double-D? Why didn't you tell them about Sarah, aka 'Bridgette?'" asked Nazz.

"Well, Sarah is clearly suffering from amnesia, or a loss of memory," noted Edd. "In spite of Ed's very poor relationship with her, the simple mention of Sarah's current state would break Ed's poor heart in two… as has been the case with poor Jimmy."

"How'd she even end up like that, anyway?" asked Kevin.

"Well, if you recall, when Eddy led us all to become lost at sea that fateful day, a fierce squall blew in without warning," said Edd. "As the waves began crashing around us, Sarah was the first to be tossed from the boat she shared with Jimmy and Ed."

"Oh, please, don't remind me," cried Jimmy softly.

"I don't precisely know what truly happened to Sarah, though I can only imagine the pain she has certainly endured," said Edd. "Prior to being transported to this dimension, Sarah was treading water for approximately thirty seconds. It's likely she would have begun drowning by that point, but I fear that she was transported to this world so violently and with such force that the impact caused significant damage to her cerebral hippocampus, leaving her with impaired memory function; simply put, the impact rendered her amnesiac."

"Oh, my, poor Sarah," said Nazz sadly. "Well, I certainly hope it's not permanent."

Jimmy sighed sadly, looking down at the floor.

"Oh, am I interrupting something?" came the voice of Sarah/Bridgette, who had returned to their table, startling everyone. Jimmy, hoping that his dear Sarah was still somewhere in this girl's memory, seized the opportunity to pose his question.

"So how much can you remember?" he asked.

"Remember? What are you talking about, weirdo?" snapped Sarah/Bridgette.

"How much of your life can you remember, Sarah?" asked Jimmy.

"Excuse me? Who the heck you think you are, buster? And what the heck kind of scam you runnin' here? I don't need to tell you anything about my personal life, 'cuz it's NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX! And stop calling me Sarah! My name is BRIDGETTE!" yelled Sarah/Bridgette. "Read the name tag!"

"Well, dang, she still has that loudmouth personality. Why couldn't she have lost THAT instead of her mem- ow!" said Kevin, who had just been elbowed by Nazz again.

"Well, jeepers, I'm sorry if I offended you-" began Jimmy before being cut off.

"Too late for that!" yelled Sarah/Bridgette. "You and your stupid friends gotta leave, otherwise I'm calling security to-"

Sarah/Bridgette turned to storm off, but had only taken two steps before she stopped. A small squishing sound was heard from beneath her feet. Sarah/Bridgette lifted her right foot and grimaced as she saw a thick liquid on the bottom of her shoe.

"Ew!" she moaned. "What the heck is this? It's gross!"

Eduardo Junior hopped out of his seat and slid his finger through the puddle that Sarah/Bridgette had just stepped in, then popped the same finger in and out of his mouth.

"It's soup," said the Yoshi. "It's gotta be from the missing pot."

"Hm, elementary, my dear Junior," said Edd. "The perpetrating miscreant clearly passed through this dining car in quite a hurry."

Exiting his seat, Edd joined Junior in examining the puddle of soup. Looking up, he discovered several drips and puddles of spilt soup, arranged in an erratic line leading out of the car.

"Intriguing," he said, examining the trail with his magnifying glass. "It seems there is a trail of soup leading out of the dining car and back toward the cabins. Not the brightest of criminals, this one. Given the erratic placements of these small spillings of soup, it appears our perpetrator was in a hurry to bring the pot of soup to wherever it is he was going. Follow me, everyone. Our culprit cannot be located very far from here."

Edd's friends got up from their seats at the table and, following Edd and Junior's lead, followed the trail of soup leading out of the dining car.

"HEY!" shouted Sarah/Bridgette. "Where you going?"

"You said to leave or you'd call security!" snapped Kevin.

"Not until after you pay for your food!" snapped Sarah/Bridgette, pursuing the group.

Edd and his group, with Junior out in front, followed the trail of soup out of the dining car and back to the previous train car where their cabin was located. The trail led them past Cabins 005 and 004, passing under the door of…

"Cabin 003," noted Edd, examining the door. "The trail of soup leads under the door of this cabin, which means our Larcenous Lawrence who pilfered the cooking pot, soup and all, must be located in here."

"Move over, Dad!" said Junior. With a swift kick, the little Yoshi forced the door open, revealing a sight that caused the group to gasp in surprise.

Inside Cabin 003 was a Toad- but a very large Toad at that. In fact, this Toad was massive to the point that Junior, Jimmy, and Edd were convinced that this particular Toad had eaten a mattress – as Edd suddenly remembered Ed having done on a command from Eddy posing as the voice of the lovable oaf's Baron O' Beef Dip figurine. The Toad was wearing a pair of blue vertically-striped overalls with no undershirt, and was holding a spoon in one hand and a three-pronged fork in the other. The Toad was shocked that his door was kicked in.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" yelled the large Toad. "What's the big idea, kicking in my door like that?!"

No sooner had the large Toad posed his question than he let out a large belch powerful enough to rival Ed's. While the group was grossed out by this involuntary bodily course of action, Junior's keen sense of smell allowed him to detect exactly what the large Toad's belch smelled like.

"Oh, my bad, sorry about that," said the large Toad.

"Okay, first of all, gross," griped the little Yoshi. "Second of all, that burp smelled like soup!"

"Huh, the little squirt's on the money for once!" noted Kevin, rounding on the large Toad with his fist raised. "Listen, pal. A large pot full o' soup was narcked out of the kitchen, and the food's gone! Ring any bells? And don't lie to me, or I'll pound ya!"

Nazz promptly elbowed Kevin again, forcing the jock to apologize.

"Oh, big surprise," snapped the large Toad angrily. "I get it. Food gets stolen, and naturally, you blame the fat guy. So not cool, man!"

"Pardon the intrusion, and I also must apologize for my comrade's rather rash behavior," said Edd apologetically. "You see, the reason for our intrusion is that there is a trail of soup droplets that lead out of the kitchen and directly to this particular cabin."

"Uh… whaaaaaat?" replied the fat Toad, feigning ignorance. "I-I wouldn't know anything about that! No, come on, people spill stuff!"

"Well, it's gross!" shouted Sarah/Bridgette. "That gunk's gonna take me forever to clean up!"

"Gee-willikers, you're a janitor, too, Sa-I mean, Bridgette?" inquired Jimmy.

"And you, bucko!" snapped Sarah/Bridgette, rounding on Jimmy angrily and pointing a threatening finger in his face. "You better shut up about my life and this 'Sarah' business or I'll throw ya off this train myself!"

"And there's nothing in the drawer or any place in this room, so no need to look, since you won't find a thing!" quavered the large Toad, nervous sweat trickling from his brow.

"Okay, he's obviously lying," noted Koops. "Let's spread out and see what we can find."

While Sarah/Bridgette fumed by the door angrily, Kevin and Jimmy (who was still carrying Plank) checked under the desk near the door (with Jimmy sticking Plank under the desk at one point as Jonny would have done), while Nazz, Vivian, and Koops checked each corner of the bed, as the large Toad shook nervously and continued sweating profusely. Junior, however, used his sense of smell and caught a strong smell emanating from the drawers near the back window, and called Edd over.

"Hey, Dad," said the little Yoshi. "There's a smell coming from here."

On Junior's tip, Edd opened the drawers to examine them. Inside, he found several gourmet food magazines, with several issues dedicated solely to the menu of the Excess Express, with one such magazine depicting Chef Shimi as the centerfold. Edd meticulously shifted the magazines around and made a shocking discovery.

"Bohemian!" he exclaimed, grabbing the attention of his friends.

"Wait! Please!" cried the large Toad, directing Edd's group's attention to him.

"Cavin' under pressure, huh?" said Kevin, rounding on the large Toad. "Confess, you-"

Kevin quickly stopped himself from completing the sentence, not wanting to give Nazz yet another opportunity to elbow him.

"Good call, Kevin," she scolded.

Edd reached into the drawer and extracted the very item that had shocked him upon its discovery – a silver cooking pot, which was unfortunately now empty (given how easily Edd was able to lift it) as if it had been licked thoroughly clean. The words "Property of Chef Shimi" were seen stenciled on the front of the pot, as well as on the pot's lid.

"Ah-ha!" he exclaimed, revealing the discovery to his friends.

"That's mine, I swear!" cried the large Toad in an attempt to save face.

"The words 'Property of Chef Shimi' are imprinted on the front and the covering of this cooking pot," noted Edd.

"Game over, Chubbs," said Junior to the large Toad, who finally realized he had been caught.

"D'oh! …Okay, fine, you caught me, I did it! I ate it all!" cried the large Toad.

As if on cue, Pennington joined the scene. "So!" he proclaimed. "You were so enamored of the soup that you wanted to steal it in order to devour more of this delectable dinner! And you stole the entire pot while the chef was chopping shallots! Answer!"

"Why, if I may, would you perpetrate such a heinous deed by pilfering the entire pot of soup for yourself?" asked Edd of the large Toad.

"…Yes, it's true," cried the large Toad. "I'm so sorry! It was all in a brief moment of weakness! Stupid, stupid, stupid me! I was just soooo hungry, and I couldn't wait another moment!"

"I can relate, but I wouldn't go stealing a whole pot of soup for myself!" snapped Junior.

"Justice has been served!" proclaimed Pennington. "Very satisfying! May this terrible crime never recur! And YOU, my dear sir with the strange hat on his head and the nasal voice," he added, facing Edd, "'Twas my keen sleuthing instincts that identified you as the correct person to collar this ruffian!"

"Oh, please," groaned Junior. "I'm the one who caught the soup smell."

"Okay, I've just about had my fill of you weirdos," groaned Sarah/Bridgette. "Goodbye, au revoir, adios, auf wiedersehen, arrivederci, and have a nice life!"

Sarah/Bridgette turned and stormed out of the cabin in a huff. Jimmy, desperate to get through to her, made to follow her out of the room, but Edd placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Please, Jimmy, do respect Sarah's- er, 'Bridgette's' need for space," Edd told him. "We mustn't risk angering her any further. She needs time and space to cool off and regain control of her emotions and impulses before making any further attempts at assisting in the recovery of her memories."

"Ah, yes, that reminds me," said Pennington. "If the lot of you would please kindly follow me back to my cabin… after you return that pot to the chef, of course. You can find me in Cabin 006."

Pennington left Cabin 003 and made his way back to his own cabin. Edd and his friends followed suit and returned to the dining car to return the stolen cooking pot to Chef Shimi. The Cheep-Cheep chef was so grateful to have his cooking pot back that he rewarded Edd and his friends with a generous sixty coins apiece, totaling 420 coins. After thanking the chef for this generous reward, Edd and his group continued past the dining car and the gift shop to the next car, where they found and entered Cabin 006 to meet with Pennington.

"So sorry for making you come all the way here, but I couldn't talk about this in front of that robust Toad," said the Bumpty. "Now, about that note that was delivered to your room…"

"Pardon? However did you find out about that?" asked Edd.

"Well, of course I know about it," said Pennington. "As the lone detective on this train, the conductor confided in me."

"O… kay, then," mused Koops.

"I confess myself rather impressed with your work on this last case, I must admit," noted Pennington. However, I do not think that the one you apprehended is our sticky, yummy malcontent. This I have deduced from the lack of incriminating evidence of the sort in his room."

"Well, duh. Soup's not supposed to be sticky," said Junior.

"In any event, I must say, I believe you have quite the knack for detective work, young nasal-voiced one," said Pennington to Edd. So it is decided, then – I shall take you on as my new assistant!"

"Assistant?" inquired Edd. "Well, that's very kind of you, Mr. Pennington."

"That's Detective Pennington to you, young man," said Pennington. "To reiterate, I am Detective Pennington from Poshley Heights. In some circles, I'm known as 'The Penguin With the Improbably Large Brain.' Well, that's all I'll say on the subject of yours truly."

"Get on with it, Penguinator," groaned Kevin.

"Ahem, in any event, if you recall from our first meeting in the kitchen of the dining car earlier today, my name is Eddward," said Edd.

"Ahem, yes, now about this threat that you received," said Pennington. "Now, our mystery miscreant has stated his intention to yummify the train. Hmm… a sticky, tasty explosion, most perplexing indeed. Now, if I recall, our perpetrator has also demanded that you disembark the train. Hmm, well, the closest stop before Poshley Heights would be at Riverside Station for refueling. The train arrives at Riverside Station tomorrow evening, thus marking our deadline."

"Yes, well, have you been able to identify any suspects?" asked Edd.

"Well, yes, I have quite an extensive list," said Pennington. "But most concerning to me would be that family of Bob-ombs in Cabin 008. Since the note also mentioned an explosion, it's possible those Bob-ombs may be linked."

"We shall investigate this potential connection at once, ahem, Detective Pennington," said Edd. "Come, friends. Let us sally forth, shall we?"

End of Part Two