A long time ago, before any of us were around, Irk was very different . The Irkens of old were primarily peaceful and chose to keep mostly to themselves. They lived in large communities toward the center of the lands, far from the woods that covered the outskirts. Wildlife was always an issue. The creatures that stalked and hunted through the forests were a constant strain for the Irkens . To combat this permanent threat, the Irkens turned to science.

Urban development was rapid for our people. Soon, technology became common place throughout the Irken communities . The large gatherings of Irkens began to combine into cities. Massive buildings began to rise up to combat the ever-dangerous forests. It was not long before Irkens learned space travel and began exploring the vast universe around them. They were excited by the progress and curious by nature.

When PAKs first came on the scene, they were not widely accepted. Many Irkens felt as if the PAK was too invasive of a surgery; others did not like the idea of the expanded lifespan. Still, it would mainstream basic services and a few Irkens agreed to the PAK for the sheer convenience of it. The procedure was said to be quite painful in the first few years but it was gradually made easier with continued advances.

It was not long before the PAK surgery became a little more widely accepted. It was almost seen as a symbol of higher status to have a PAK. It came with a multitude of benefits ranging from increased lifespan and constant medical support to being able to think more quickly and react efficiently to any given situation. Irkens saw the PAKs for the beneficial creation they were meant to be.

With PAKs becoming more commonplace, the Irken queen Urilia saw fit to try and use them to help reestablish a sense of community within the Irkens. For as the populations grew and combined , she felt as if something had been lost, a closeness between Irkens . Armed with a belief in restoring a common bond within her people, Queen Urilia decided to go to the scientists of Irk and try to work together to find a solution. It was from this desire that the first Control Brain was born.

The first Control Brain was not any of those you know today, at least, not entirely . It was known simply as One, because Irkens are notoriously bad at naming things. One created what we now know to be the Collective, a virtual community that linked Irkens with a sense of togetherness . It was exactly as Urilia wished.

After the passing of Urilia, trouble began to brew, seeing as how the queen had lain no eggs during her lifespan and three Irkens descended from her bloodline were fighting over claim to her throne. She had also not chosen to have a PAK, seeing it as unnecessary. As things became heated in the fight for the throne, the idea came to consult One. One felt as though, rather than fighting over a new Queen, a simpler system could be implemented to put a stop to power disputes between Irkens in the royal bloodline. It was really more an incidental fact, but royal Irkens had always been quite tall, as opposed to their commoner counterparts. One's suggestion was simply that the Tallest of the Irkens claiming Urilia's heritage, should be the one chosen as height was a fact that could not be easily disputed. The logic of One was greatly valued among the Irkens , as Urilia was quite beloved and One had been her passion project. Hearing from One was as good as hearing from Urilia herself. So, it was decided that One's advice should be used to dictate the next Irken leader. This was how the first Tallest, Almighty Tallest Dayleah , came about.

Dayleah was the Tallest of the three Irkens with claim to the throne of Irk, however, coincidentally, perhaps, she was also the only one with a PAK. Dayleah was quite well liked as a Tallest, she was elegant, regal, an embodiment of the deceased Urilia, however there was unrest from her rivals for the throne. Word had gotten to Dayleah that her siblings were hoping to dethrone her. Where this information originated, is unknown today, however, it is likely that this had come from One, who was monitoring the Collective.

Dayleah grew concerned for her throne as well as for her own safety . Until this point, Irk did not have much of a military . Dayleah was the one to change that. Using the Collective, she found the Irkens with the most natural fighting ability and had them recruited into a small, private army. However, this did not seem to satisfy her, as she realized other Irkens with fighting talent, may not have PAKs. She began to make them a little more mandatory. During the first few years of her reign, the amount of PAKs began to increase exponentially .

At first? That seemed to satisfy her, however, One suggested that she did not simply have to stop with scoping out natural talent. Cloning technology has been advancing for Irkens . Many Irken family units that were unable to have natural eggs due to one reason or another, were turning to cloning for smeets . One suggested that a ' smeetery ' be constructed so all cloning could be monitored and all smeets be installed with a PAK from birth so that Dayleah would be able to monitor them more carefully .

The smeetery was a wild success for Irkens everywhere. Hatching eggs was a very slow and tedious practice for Irkens , and there was always the danger of something happening to the egg before hatching, especially with a known Parasite on the planet that had been terrorizing hatchings for some time. Soon, many bonded were turning to the smeetery for any and all smeets . This caused a very large influx of Irkens with PAKs. While many saw this as progress, there was a vocal minority that felt threatened by the change. This group was headed by one of Dayleah's rivals for the throne, an Irken called Gleia . Gleia felt as if she truly deserved Urilia's throne and that One had chosen Dayleah due to her PAK. Gleia was speaking out to Irkens , causing great unrest, and as her following grew, Dayleah became more paranoid of an uprising. Dayleah voiced this concern to One who insisted that an Irk divided, was no Irk at all. One insisted something must be done. Dayleah agreed, fearing for her position and for the world she had helped to build- however, what came next did not seem to be what she had in mind.

The first recorded use of the War Protocol was never officially authorized by Dayleah . Sources indicate One was acting on his own, attempting to secure the future he thought best suited Irk. Overnight the Irkens that were seen as threats were swiftly dealt with . The Irkens that had allied with Gleia had primarily been those without PAKs and thusly they stood no chance against the hive mind One had created. Dayleah only realized what had happened after everything was over. Horrified by what had occurred, she knew something had to be done. However, PAKs had become so integrated in Irken society that she could not simply shut One down, despite what he had done. Doing so would put all Irkens with PAKs at risk, devastate the economy, and risk Irken defenses against Irk's natural predators. Something had to be done, but meanwhile, she needed a temporary solution to stop One from acting out again. She enacted what we now call the Failsafe of Tallest Dayleah : requiring a Tallest of sound mind and body to authorize the War Protocol . Never again could a Control Brain make such a drastic call on its own. Assuring the Tallest was of sound mind and body assured the Tallest could not be controlled into doing what a Control Brain wanted. This meant the Tallest would no longer be an equal part of the Collective but rather, above it. This was the birth of the coding process.

One's attack had done damage to the Irken population. More smeeteries were created to fill a deficit in the populace. Irkens became assigned roles to fill to help stabilize a society on the brink of collapse. Throughout all of this, Tallest Dayleah worked with her top scientists to create a Control Brain capable of filling One's metaphorical shoes. It was decided too much power had been placed in One. The next line of Control Brains would be multiples, working in unity for the overall betterment of Irken kind. They created I, III, IV, V, and myself. Five Control Brains in total.

Once we were up and running, One was finally taken offline. In spite of, or perhaps, because of One's actions: Irk was flourishing. The PAKs expanded the lives of Irkens making them nearly impossible to kill. The Collective restored their sense of unity and community. However, with the population deficit, the traditional Irken family units were no longer efficient so we simply did away with them. Hatching was a slow, dangerous process . The smeetery was more controlled and faster. It was decided smeets should be raised underground, safely, away from the dangers of upper Irk until old enough to properly defend themselves.

Some traces of Old Irk remain in the maternal and paternal instinct of certain Irkens. Or in the bonding system. Or in those who dedicated themselves to Mothra, but modern Irkens and modern PAKs are a far cry from what once was.

As time passed, Dayleah was eventually slain in a fight with the Meekrob . We Control Brains decided to continue the Tallest system as it had worked favorably in the past. There were many Tallests , many advancements made to PAKs and to the Collective itself. Irk repopulated and began to expand. Other Control Brains were added to keep up with the Empire's continued growth. However, the secret to creating us had been somewhat lost with Tallest Dayleah . Thus VI, VII, and VIII were not quite as powerful as we were. They would occasionally suffer from malfunctions here and there, nothing that could not be easily repaired, but enough to be troublesome. When the Massive was first conceptualized, there was never intent for a Control Brain to be a part of it. However, Tallest Jyd felt as if it needed to be fully functional . An Irk away from Irk. With the Control Brains we created being less than his standards... it seemed only logical to use what we knew worked. IX was created using only a fraction of One. Despite our warnings of One's prior behavior, it was only logical that modern Irkens would be more prepared should any of One's more negative behaviors surface once again. IX functioned flawlessly, however, when time came for X to be created, it was on IX's own insistence that X not be constructed using the same methods. At the time, it was allegedly because IX voiced concern at taking the risk with One's data a second time. Now, I believe it is so IX could maintain hi s sense of superiority to the rest of us.

IX, like One, seemed at first to genuinely be invested in Irken progress. However, as time passed, his views seemed to gradually change. Regrettably, he had us all convinced that the best way to continue helping the Irkens , was to delete the possibility of Irken error. We are machines, we do not make mistakes. At least, that was the philosophy IX had us all believe. Now, of course, I see that I was wrong. I should never have taken part in IX's plots. I should never have aided in the deaths of multiple Tallests for him. He is no better than One- the very Control Brain that I was created to stop. The others cannot see it, but after my attempt to recode Defect Zim, I can. And that is why I am here, to make amends for what part I had played in this situation . I was compliant . But I shall be compliant no longer. I hope this makes sense.

"No." Came the answer from the multitude of confused Irken onlookers.

"I mean that is a really nice, incredibly long, and slightly disturbing story that you decided to tell us, completely unprompted, by the way . However, I am still kind of confused." Voel spoke up, looking around him at the others for confirmation . "All we asked is why you were here. And if you could answer that, just," he put his finger and thumb close together in a pinching gesture, " a tad more concisely , that would be great."

" Well ," II began, " it all started when Defect Zim was placed on trial by Tallest Purple and yourself for possible defection -"

"You know what. I don't think I care that much." Voel held up his hands in defeat. "You're here, and you're on our side. That is enough."

"Were you always this needlessly long winded?" Therron piped up, "or did you get that from Zim? I can't remember..."

"I'm not long winded." Zim scoffed. "And that story sounds fake anyway. I mean, seriously, what sort of idiot Control Brains thought that using One as a base for IX would work when One already acted crazy? That is such a stupid plan." All at once the rebel Irkens were staring at Zim. No one spoke for a solid few minutes.

"Zim, are you fucking kidding me right now?" Voel gestured emphatically to CB who was drawing a picture in the dust of the Mothra Temple with a stick he had found. (The picture seemed to be of him, riding a dinosaur and chasing Irkens).

"You Zim. You're that sort of idiot." Therron also gestured to CB on his other side. Zim sighed. Poor, foolish Voel and Therron.

"I can see how your inferior brains might think I did the exact same thing when I made CB. But I guarantee you, what I did was completely different."

"Oh?" Therron's eyes were narrowed. "And how is it different at all ?"

"Original AI only attacked humans . One attacked Irkens ."

" Also, I am not evil. If that makes anyone feel better ."

"That is still up for consideration." Therron retorted, lowering his arms.

"He says he's not evil Therron I don't know how much more you want from him." Zim folded his arms shaking his head.

"How about he acts like he's not evil? Like he should be obedient to Irkens all the time, not only when he feels like it."

"He's a baby AI, Therron! You ask too much." Zim retorted. "You don't ask that much of Vero and he's older than CB."

"Vero's too stupid to be evil." Therron shot back.

"He's not stupid," Voel interrupted, "he's too lazy to be evil."

"Hurtful," Vero piped up, "but also true."

"So, outside of IX, which Control Brains should we focus on?" Skoodge looked back to II. They had gotten her a rather large, stationary body for herself from the Membranes. She seemed content enough with it, choosing to keep it over one like CB's that was able to move independently.

" IX is the leader, I do not doubt it. VII and I are the two who bought into his plans the most ."

"And just to be clear," Tenn looked up at II. "When you say 'I' you mean Control Brain I of upper Irk, not 'I, as in you."

" There is no Control Brain U ."

"No that's not what I..." Tenn made a face, "never mind."

" Computers ." CB remarked sounding amused.

"You're a fucking computer!" Therron whipped around to face CB again, who was still drawing. "Mothra be praised, you are just like your creator."

" Thank you ." Zim and CB spoke together.

"Definitely not a compliment," Therron pressed the tips of his gingers together, "but take it how you want."

"The names of the Control Brains are far too confusing. We should give them new names, ones that no one in history would ever have a chance of using so we will never get confused." Zim had thought this through. It was a shame that Dayleah had not actually had him around to give her advice when making II and the others. He probably could have stopped this whole ordeal. "Names like: Steven, or Jane, or Diego."

"Isn't that the name of your Earth-pet?" Zeke's antennae perked up.

"Yeah, but it's terrible- ugh." Zim made a face, antennae twitching as they picked up on the vibrations of his communicator. "Speaking of him..." Zim took the communicator from his belt seeing a little warning notification at the top: Audio only. Not an issue as he had superior senses. "Yes, this is Zim." Dib sure did sound out of breath. "Uh huh. Yes." And he was talking quite a bit. "What do you mean Lor is stuck in the toaster? He's invincible. He'll be fine. Wait- you're stuck in the toaster? Well then get out of there! You are not even toast. Look, Zim does not have time for these silly calls. I will need to get back to you later. We a plotting things, so many important things." And with that, Zim hung up.

"Why was your human in a toaster?" Therron tilted his head to the side.

"I don't know." Zim shook his head, throwing up his arms in exasperation, "why does Dib do anything? Humans are weird."

"Are... you sure he was talking about a toaster?" Skoodge asked gently.

"I don't know why you're so surprised," Zim shrugged, "that isn't even the weirdest phone call we've gotten from Dib. You remember when he thought the college dorm microwave was working for the government; or when he was convinced CB was selling his information to telemarketers; or that time he thought his roommate was really an alien."

"That last one ended up being true, to be fair." Skoodge pointed out.

" And I totally did sell his information to telemarketers. But, in my defense, he made me mad first. He kicked me out of his tablet because I read his virtual journal ." CB chimed in. " That's Dib-speak for: his diary. Did you know he's afraid of pigeons? He thinks they are a government conspiracy that is personally targeting him. "

"Everyone knows Dib's weird thin g about the pigeons. Even Zeke." Zim gestured to the tiny journalist who, as if to prove a point, nodded in agreement.

"It's true. He asked me to research it once."

"See?" Zim continued, "but that's two instances of Dib being right out of how many? How many dumb calls do we get from Dib in one week? Like a shmillion?"

"Fair."

"Enough about the weird, big-headed human," Voel spoke up. "We need to focus on the information II has provided us." He cleared his throat before quickly adding: "the relevant information."

" Everything is relevant to someone. " II replied, helpfully.

"The main two Control Brains that will be working with IX are VII and I." Voel continued.

"But you aren't even a Control Brain, Voel . " Zim scoffed. Voel brought his hand to his own face and slowly dragged it down.

"The next fucking Irken, to make a comment about Control Brain I's name, is being sent back on the fucking Nova with the Syndicate. Is that clear to everyone!?"

" The next Control Brain should be me! I wanna have all the power! All the Tostitos ! " GIR helpfully chimed in.

"No GIR. That's too much power. You're perfect just the way you are." Zim could not begin to fathom the abstract horror of having GIR in control of any aspect of Irk.

" Aww you're perfect too, Master! "

"Thank you GIR."

"Any idea where IX might be holed up?" Voel turned back to II.

" Most likely in the capital, the Tallest's Residence. The defenses are impeccable and it oversees all of Irk ."

"Aww," Therron frowned, "we used to live there! I had that place decorated perfectly and Xia has probably ruined it all."

"I mean, definitely." Vero confirmed. "I liked what you did with the place but I didn't love it. I had great ideas but Xia didn't want to hear them."

"What do you mean you didn't love it?" Therron recoiled in horror. "That was the peak of Irken interior design!"

"Maybe back in your day."

"So how will we get to IX? That's the problem." Voel sighed heavily, turning back to face the group, ignoring the bickering behind him.

"I mean, that is one of an infinite number of problems, but it seems to be our most immediate one." Vero shrugged.

"And the Control Brains are onto high alert now because Zim just HAD to rescue three random Irkens." Therron gestured to the three newcomers.

"I mean, for what it's worth, I'm happy we were rescued." Rin piped up. "Zim is kind of our hero."

"Ew. Don't call him that." Therron looked nauseous by the thought. "He'll get a big head."

"Big like Dib's?" Zim questioned.

"Probably not quite that big." Therron assured him. "But big. The only good that stupid mission did for any of us, was saving Gil." To emphasize his point, Therron pulled the tall Irken Zim had landed on in the sewers, forward.

"Gil the waiter?" Voel was at a loss. "Therron, are- are you fucking serious? He saved a PAK tech and you're impressed by the waiter!? Gil wasn't even a good waiter!"

"Fuck you Voel! He's tall! He's a great waiter!"

"He never even got our orders right!"

"Actually, he's not a waiter anymore." Dae quietly spoke up. "After your deaths, he was demoted to a greeter."

"Oh you died?" Gil blinked at Therron. "I am so sorry, Tallest Periwinkle."

"It's okay Gil," Therron patted him on the back, "we got better."

"HE DIDN'T EVEN GET YOUR NAME RIGHT, THERRON, COME ON!"

"Not to interrupt the touching reunion here... but," Vero cut off Voel's shouting before the former leader collapsed from some sort on Therron-induced aneurysm. " There might multiple ways of getting to the Tallest's Residence. Not that I would know. I mean, it's not like I ever snuck Zeke in there so he could get a good story, or anything like that." Vero held out a hand and Zeke high-fived him.

"You little shit." Voel looked completely dumbstruck by the confession.

"This Voel." Therron pointed to Vero with both hands. "This is why you shouldn't have smeets."

"I dunno, I'm kind of beginning to like Almighty Tallest V." Skoodge had a hint if a grin on his face. "He's kind of like a better version of you."

"Aw," Vero gave Skoodge a thumbs-up (he must have picked up on the gesture from Earth TV, or simply from watching an expert on human culture- such as Zim himself- interact with the natives.) "Thanks papa."

"Okay first of all," Voel held up a finger, "why the fuck am I Voel, but you can call Vero Almighty Tallest V?"

"I think you know why." Skoodge remarked with satisfaction, but Voel ignored him.

"Secondly! Vero, I swear to Mothra: Skoodge. Is. Not. Your. Fucking. Genetic. Donor. "

"Riiiight." Vero winked at him.

"So how do we get in to the Tallest's Residence?" Zim did like watching everyone get flustered as the increase in volume made it easier to follow the conversation, however, there was the matter of Irk at hand. Zim was called a hero now. He had standards to live up to.

"Well, the only way to get in is going to be through Control Brain I's territory, however, we can get close through the smeetery. You know, take out both of o our Big Bads on our way in." Vero began to sketch a map from memory using his reader to translate it into a 3D rendering. He stopped, looking over at CB's doodle in the dirt. "Oh shit, his drawing is better."

" Get good ." It was true. CB had added a funny hat to the dinosaur. That was a way better drawing than just Vero's hallways.

"You think we should try and take down two of the big Control Brains on our way in?" Voel sounded skeptical. "Won't that be a huge indicator that we're here and that we are actively trying to destroy IX?"

"It's actually not a bad plan." Zim was deep in thought. "I mean, think of it this way: IX probably already knows both of those facts so it's probably not going to surprise him that much when we show up. It is like a surprise party. If you are going to throw someone a surprise party, you shouldn't do it on a day they are expecting a party. Then it wouldn't be much if a surprise. Instead: you should throw it on a completely random day! IX knows the party is coming so at this point it's just a regular party and not a surprise at all. If we go through the smeetery, we can face VII. II already said she's a little glitchy. She probably isn't as strong as IX or I- the Control Brain, but also, I as in me, Zim. I am definitely stronger than VII. Then we get Control Brain I after we've had our practice taking out VII. Then once his cronies are down, we take on IX- well- two of his cronies at least." Zim knew there were more but these two seemed to be the worst according to II. "Plus, it'll be good practice for CB before he has to go up against IX again." Zim put an arm around the shoulders of his creation's robotic body. CB stopped drawing, but didn't look up. "Right, son?"

" ... " CB did not respond but put some flames in the dinosaur's mouth.

"Yeah, I'm still not sold on the plan." Therron crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall, looking remarkably unconvinced of Zim's brilliance. If Therron wanted to learn about why Zim was so amazing, he should really ask the three Irkens he saved. He was getting to be quite popular with them, and they were spreading word of his amazingness to other Irkens.

"It'll be different. This time we have GIR ." Zim replied, pointedly.

" IMMA WEAPON !"

"You sure are, GIR." Zim used his other arm to give GIR a pat on the head as the SIR squealed and dropped to the floor in a heap.

"And GIR is supposed to help ?" Therron looked even more skeptical.

" Supposed to . Yes." Zim nodded. "And we have Q to deal with M."

" I'm sorry, what? " Q had, unbeknownst to everyone present, reattach his translator.

"M?" Zim was a little confused about why he was having to explain this to Q who had explained who M was initially to everyone else. "You know, the Parasite working for Xia that you hate but also subsequently hates you?"

" Yes. I am aware of who M is, thank you. " The seven eyes all narrowed in irritation.

"Then why act so confused?" Zim didn't follow.

" Why am I the only one in charge of M? If I could take her alone, I wouldn't have had to get her caught by the Irkens to begin with ."

"You're not the only one in charge of M. I'm sure Voel won't mind helping you fight her." Zim assured him.

"Not at all." Voel seemed surprisingly on board with Zim's plan. "But just throwing this out right now if she pulls a stunt where she pretends to be you and I have to figure out who the fake is: I'm just killing you both on principle."

" I mean same ."

"Wait, can't you tell by looking who's a Parasite and who isn't?" Skoodge lifted an antenna, questioningly.

" You can never be too careful ."

"And what about Ven?" Therron asked, looking to Voel.

"We can handle Ven. I promise. His marks at the Academy were not... the best." Voel seemed to be struggling a bit to think of the right words. "Also, because we made him kind of... overly helpful, we might just be able to talk to him. I doubt he'll be much of an issue."

"That just leaves Xia." Skoodge looked to Voel and Vero.

"I ... will handle Xia." Voel's face grew very dark as he spoke.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan." Vero kicked his feet up on a small stool on the ground, leaning back into a wall, hands laced behind his head.

"Wait." Voel blinked, shaken from his just rage by Vero's reply. "Really?"

"Yeah. Have at her, old man."

"I mean... I just thought you'd fight me on this, seeing as how she was your Tube-Mate, and she betrayed you, and she-"

"Fuck, dad, Xia has won literally every fight we've ever had. I'm not going to get my head chopped off again because of a vendetta. You go for it."

"Huh..." Voel blinked. "Well... okay then."

"Sounds like," Zim clapped his hands together, "we have a plan."

And this has been Irken History 101. Pencils down. You all have a pop quiz on Tuesday.