The 25th Bam, who goes by Jue Viole Grace now, was supposed to be a happy man. He had a girlfriend whom he loved dearly, friends who supported him through the darkest of times, a caring family, a job he was passionate about, and by no means was he short on wealth either. Jue Viole Grace was supposed to be a happy man, except he wasn't.

He was lost in thoughts as he walked to where he promised to meet his girlfriend. There's always been something missing in his life, one that he can't put his hands on but he just knows it. Almost as if he was incomplete, a part of him missing and he could never truly be whole unless he finds it. Whenever he walked around, his gaze would wander all around as if searching for something in particular yet never settling on anything.

He abruptly stopped in his tracks, a purple hue catching his eyes. A cafe of some sort selling out of season lavender tea. His legs were already moving on its own to buy his favorite beverage before he even knew what was happening.

Which is the reason why he was standing awkwardly near the shop, a steaming cup of lavender tea in his hands. Sometimes he wondered why he was so keen on buying lavender tea all the time. He even had stocks of various dried lavender buds, testing every single method he could get his hands on. His friends were convinced he was a lavender tea maniac even. He swears he isn't but they don't believe him.

A sigh escaped his lips after tasting the lavender tea he just bought. It wasn't the one he was looking for either. He claimed that it was his favorite beverage. But really there was still something missing from it. Sometimes it wasn't sweet enough, at times the fragrance wasn't right, there were times the temperature was off too. The taste of nostalgia he was searching for couldn't be found anywhere. Yet if he closed his eyes and focused on the taste he could almost see an oddly familiar figure smiling softly at him and the warmth of her voice ringing gently in his mind.

He misses her, but he doesn't know her… right?

His train of thoughts stopped as he heard his phone ringing in his pocket. A small smile curled on his lips as he saw his girlfriend's name on the screen. He immediately picked up the call. "Rachel, what's wrong?"

Rachel was clearly irritated judging from her tone. "Viole, you said that you'll be here by 7 pm. It's already like, past 5 minutes. I purposefully set aside time for you this Christmas instead of spending it with my friends, so hurry up would you?"

Looking at his phone, Viole noticed that he was indeed already 5 minutes late from the promised time. He immediately apologized to Rachel, saying that he's already near and he'll arrive in about 5 more minutes. And she promptly hung up after telling him to hurry up. Viole sighed as the corner of his lips tugged into a small frown. Rachel's been cancelling their dates here and there, so really he should be grateful that she set aside some time for him and he should just focus on their date right now.

That being said, he threw the empty cup to the nearest trash can before running off to the city square. He ran amidst the landscape of white, feeling a slight chill whenever a snowflake would land on him. It was the perfect date scenario for all the lovers out there considering the day. He briefly wondered if a small miracle of some sorts would happen today, it was white Christmas and his birthday after all. If only he knew what was going to happen, maybe he wouldn't have asked for any miracle. But then again, at least he found what… or rather who he was looking for.

Viole had been looking around the city square for quite a while now, Rachel nowhere in sight and there were no new messages notifying her whereabouts. A light shade of purple entered his sight, taking his breath away effortlessly. His hand had reached out instinctively, grasping a wrist that was smaller than his. Light lavender hair swayed delicately as its owner turned around, a deep blue-violet gaze of the night painted with surprise and confusion as they stared into golden hues akin to the beaming sun.

In that very same instant, Viole knew that she was the one and only that he had been searching for all this time. His head was ringing with a soothingly familiar voice, calling him by the name Bam instead of the Viole he was known as. Nostalgia flooded his mind, memories that he had no knowledge of flashing about in his mind and raging like tidal waves. Something about this moment screamed that he wasn't alone, that he had never been alone and he was finally home where he belonged.

A part of him still couldn't wrap his mind around who she was, her name at the tip of his tongue yet he was unable to say it. "Uh- Have we… ever met before?"

"No, I don't think we've ever met before…?" The female stared at him with confusion and slight wariness, not a shred of recognition nor familiarity in her gaze. His hopes were shattered with her answer.

"O-oh, I'm sorry..." His hold on her wrist gradually loosened, his expression clearly disappointed as he pursed his lips. There was a suffocating feeling building up in him, clogging up at the back of his throat as his heart clenched uncontrollably. It felt as if someone just ripped a hole through him over and over again. It left him unable to breathe as he choked on the endless pain that it caused, the emptiness never to be filled or healed. The excruciating emotional pain was more than anything he's ever experienced. In this life at least.

She gazed at the brunette thoughtfully as she observed the downcasted look on his face, exhaling faintly as she reached out a hand to him. Bam stiffened up for a moment when he felt her hand caressing his cheek, but slowly relaxed as he felt a nostalgic comfort chasing away the cold nothingness. It felt so perfect in the way that he couldn't explain. He didn't know he needed it, but once he experienced it he simply couldn't live without it.

A small smile formed on her lips as Bam closed his eyes and nuzzled into her hand. She didn't know of his name nor who he was in this lifetime, but then again she's always been like this. "Do I… perhaps look like someone you know?"

Unable to say a word, he only nodded with pursed lips as held back the tears welling up at the corner of his eyes. It was as if he's found what was missing in his life all along, as if regaining something long lost that he had thought to be impossible. Her fingertips brushed tenderly near his ear, leaving a trail of ghosting warmth that has him sighing in content. Melodious laughter spilled from her lips, prompting Bam to smile at the thought of hearing it forever. Her tone was sweet and caring as she spoke to him in a gentle manner. "You must really miss that person huh..."

Her words trailed off, smile turning into something more hesitant with a tint of sadness lingering at the edge of her lips as she continued. She felt bad for saying this, but it was better than giving a stranger false hope of all things. They didn't know each other, and he was simply mistaken. She wasn't the one and never will be. "But unfortunately, I'm not the person you're looking for."

The warmth of her hand slipped away from his cheeks, flickering to the cold nothingness. His breath hitched, feeling as if something dear and irreplaceable has just been taken away from him and dread settled in his mind like an anchor in a dead sea. She smiled at him, kind and gentle with a hint of ruefulness behind her gaze that speaks of pity and condolences. All the words of endless life stories were stuck in his throat, begging to be spoken yet remaining silent.

She took a silent step back, drawing an invisible line between them that Bam felt like he could never cross. They were mere strangers now, the single thought brought about turmoils in his mind. Their situations were reversed, she wasn't the one who remembered and he wasn't the one to push the other away. All he had was blurred memories unlike the crystal clear reminiscent that she once held. He had no knowledge of her name either, all that were playing in his mind are cloudy recollection of their happy times and the nameless purplette in front of him. How ironic it was, to fall for someone he had never met before without knowing her name, yet his mind insisting that he knows of her.

They just stood there wordlessly, him wishing he could reach a hand out to her and hold her close while she was giving him time to process the information since she didn't know what to say. Was there really no way to mend this now? The deafening silence was broken when someone called out his name, or rather Viole's name. Bam turned around with widened eyes, seeing Rachel calling out his name as the blonde walked towards him irritatedly at a snail's pace. She sighed gently at his troubled expression. "Viole… Is that your name?"

From the very start he was aware that she couldn't possibly know her name since she had no memory of him, yet the piercing pain in his chest was no less hurtful than he expected. All he could manage to say was a raspy "yes", his voice unwilling to come out. He missed how she would call him Bam, how she would call his name so soothingly and view him just as he is. Others would see his position, power, and influence first. Yet she would only see him as the 25th Bam no matter what life they had.

She properly took notice of his odd response, though she didn't point it out in particular and continued the conversation like normal. "You have a beautiful name, Viole-san. It means violet… as in purple right?"

His one and only favorite shade of purple was standing in front of him. He only nodded silently, hanging on to each one of her words like it was the last. Her voice was still as mesmerizing as he remembered, one that he could just hear all day long like he used to. But it wasn't possible anymore, was it?

"Nice to meet you, Viole-san. I am Evolet, Evolet Euterpe. Your girlfriend looks like she's waiting for you too so I should get going. I don't want to cause any misunderstandings after all. But before that…"

He was just about to come up with some excuse so that she'd stay longer, or perhaps ask for her number. How had she even managed to steadily build a close relationship with him in each life? Bam was utterly clueless on how he should go about with this. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed how her words trailed off.

Evolet reached out a hand towards Bam, brushing his bangs away and gazing straight into his golden orbs. Bam blinked in confusion when he felt his bangs pinned to the side with a simple white hairpin, wondering how she did it so quickly and where she had gotten that hairpin. Touching his pinned locks of hair hesitantly, his lips quivered as another memory flashed in his mind and a comforting sensation bubbled up in his chest. He missed the times when he would just lay his head on her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair lovingly, humming a random tune that would lull him to sleep.

"You shouldn't cover your eyes like that, they shine just like your name as the star."

The words he longed to scream out to the world wouldn't come out no matter how hard he tried. Her hand pulled away, leaving a lingering warmth that soon will fade. He'll only feel a worse coldness now that he's known of warmth, and it terrified him. This wasn't the Evolet who's known him for all those lifetimes, she wasn't the one who could read him like an open book and understood all his problems immediately.

But he found her smile to be exactly the same, caring and gentle as she watched over others with overflowing affection. Here he was, standing as a stranger in front of her and she was being compassionate to him, trying to cheer him up. If there was one difference that he could spot, it was that the look in her blue-violet eyes were lighter. She didn't look like she was carrying a silent burden anymore, she seemed as if she was free without any restraint. She was happier than ever before and he was relieved to see her like that.

"Eve!" Turning around as she heard her name being called, Evolet's expression lighting up with a beaming grin. She gave a small wave to a familiar bluenette who waved back with fondness.

Still with a small smile, Evolet reached into her bag and pulled out a small box of cookies. Seeing her actions, the corner of Bam's lips curled up softly. It was all nostalgic to him despite knowing they were memories of the past. The past that she had carried on her own, now passed on to him. She hadn't changed in the very least. "Sorry, Viole-san. I have to go now. It's not much but, have some cookies and cheer up okay? Merry Christmas, Viole-san."

A small gasp escaped from his lips as he outstretched a hand hesitantly, only to freeze as he realized what he was doing. He quickly retracted his hand as if burned before he could even reach her. Bam wanted to just pull her back and embrace her like no tomorrow, but could he even do that when she seemed so happy without him?

Moreover as they are right now, she only knew him as Viole and a stranger. He wonders how she carried on through countless lifetimes with all the memories, pretending that she didn't know him while burning with pain of no remembrance from the other. The agony of being forgotten by someone you love dearly was something he still couldn't comprehend.

The world was muddled and he wanted to chase after her, shout out her name and ask her to stay by his side. But all that's left was shards of reminiscent and a numbing pain of a shattered connection. Bam could only watch with longing as she walked away without looking back. His gaze was empty with aching, a part of him torn apart to pieces and left in a void. Perhaps if given another chance he would finally make the right decision?

"Aguero!!!" Evolet didn't hesitate to tackle the blue haired man into a hug. Khun chuckled as he hugged her back, pressing a gentle kiss to Evolet's forehead that had her smiling giddily as she did the same to the man. That earned her an eyebrow raised teasingly as if he was expecting something more from her. Evolet rolled her eyes playfully, complying to his unspoken wish.

Tiptoeing lightly, she gave him a peck on the lips and hurriedly backed away a step. Evolet was pouting slightly, cheeks flushed red at what she just did. Khun found it absolutely endearing how she always gets flustered over the simple gesture even though she's done it countless times, utterly innocent. The bluenette was trembling, trying to hold back his laughter. Evolet was just staring up at him with that adorable pout, as if daring him to tease her.

As much as he wanted to just tease her to no ends, Khun knew better than to do that. He didn't want Evolet sulking on him during a date, though he was absolutely aware she would give in instantly with one smile of his. Instead he wrapped around his scarf around her neck, stealing another kiss from his lover. Evolet's eyes widened as she felt his cold lips on hers, but shyly returned it with the same affection that she usually does that has Khun smiling into their kiss like the happiest man in the world. To which Khun was convinced that he is indeed the holder of said title.

Pulling away from Evolet's luscious lips, Khun smirked at the blushing purplette who pulled up the given scarf to hide her red cheeks. Evolet huffed lightly at his typical behavior, stoll not used to his antics yet secretly loving it. He offered a hand to her, cobalt blue gaze mischievous and loving. "Shall we go on our date now?"

Evolet smiled, bright and overflowing with love just like the shine in her blue-violet eyes. Placing her hand in his, she intertwined their fingers and gazed at their connected hands with adoration before glancing at Khun. "I love you, Aguero."

Has Khun ever mentioned that she gets shy with kisses and more intimate activities but speaks wholesome confessions and words like it was a natural thing to do? Well, if he hasn't then you know it now. Khun squeezed her hand tenderly in return, whispering an I love you too as they walked away hand in hand with smiles decorating their lips. They love each other to no bounds, unrestricted by time and space. They love the other without knowing how, or when, or from where. They love one another simply, without problems or pride in the way they are and for who they are. They know they couldn't love the other more than they do right now, yet they know they will tomorrow.

There was but only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. Evolet once loved Bam to no bounds, unrestricted by anything. She loved him too much and fell far too deep, all the while knowing he would never return her feelings. She waited with patience and hopefulness, staying loyal to him alone through everything that he's done. Shattered as she was, she loved him with all the broken little pieces that she had.

Love dies of blindness, errors and betrayals. He was blinded by another, constantly making the error of not choosing the right person, betrayed by the one he thought he loved and unintentionally betraying the one true love for him. Love dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. And by the time Bam realized his true feelings, she was long gone from his side. He lost the one and only joy to love and be loved.

There was something inside of him ripped away, left hollow and never to be replaced again. Bam was aware that it was no one's fault but his. He knows of his feelings but denies it, he chased another instead of the one who was by his side from the start. Blinded by the light shining brightly that he missed the warmth and light that's always been enveloping him and showing him the path. He chased after a shooting star and lost his polaris in return, astray in the darkness with no way back home.

"Hey, Viole! What are you doing, dawdling around. I've been waiting for how long now—" An obviously annoyed Rachel stomped her way to him, ignoring the looks people around them were shooting at her. Bam's gaze that was fixated on the slowly fading figure of Evolet and Khun afar turned to her, lips closing and opening as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.

He now remembers of the times he chose the blonde, of his happy delusions and of her betrayal in each lifetime. And he wondered why hadn't he chosen the kind blinding smile that would always care for him and cherish her instead. He'd give her the world and it wouldn't be enough to make up for what he's done to her. Nothing would be enough anymore. What he's done was irreparable and he was left with the aftermath, history repeating itself and Fate laughing at his mistakes.

His shoulders slumped down, the previously gleaming sunshine orbs seemingly dull and lifeless as he stared at the nothingness. Whatever Rachel was saying to him didn't register in his mind, he was simply dead to the world and only but an empty vessel without a purpose. Pushing her away lightly, he simply said "Sorry Rachel, let's cancel the date for today. I'm not in the mood for this. Just… leave me alone for a while."

The enraged shouts of Rachel went unheard as he dragged himself back to his silent house. All sound was muted around him, the world a static as the color faded and blended into a monochrome spectrum. His body moved on autopilot as the door closed shut, a steaming cup of lavender tea set on the table for him alone.

As he slowly chewed on the cookies Evolet gifted him earlier, he could almost pretend that she was sitting in front of her. Chin propped on her hand as she smiled at him, asking if the tea and snack was delicious. And he would nod at her excitedly, telling her it was the most delicious thing in the world. Except she wasn't there anymore, and he was alone. The seat in front of him was empty, the illusion he conjured up inside his mind shattering like pieces of glass.

His vision began to blur, obscured by the tears that were spilling over like a broken dam. He didn't bother to wipe it away, not a shred of care even as his tears dripped into the cup of lavender tea and made small splashes. His heart was pounding painfully as he choked on his silent sobs that no one would ever heard. He was all alone again in this lifetime.

The cup fell onto the floor and shattered into pieces as he roughly shoved it aside to muffle his sobs on the table, burying himself into his folded arms. He wanted to scream it all out. How he longed for her mellow smile to be directed at him again. How he missed the way she would hug and console him in the darkness of night, chasing away the nightmares. How he wanted to hear her melodious voice and laughter that soothed him.

How she would perfectly fit into his hold whenever he would embrace her, radiating a sense of warmth that no one else could ever replicate. How she would suddenly whisk him into a little dance under the blessings of the moonlight and sing for him. How she would always know what he was thinking, what he wanted, and what he needed without him saying a single word. She was everything he could've ever asked for, wanted, and needed. She was perfect in every way possible, and he had let her go for someone who betrayed him instead which costed her life numerous times.

Bam doesn't know when he closed his eyes, but he opened it again as he heard a small clutter of metal. His bangs were loose once more, curtaining his eyes as the simple white hairpin laid innocently on the table. He stared at it breathlessly for a long while, reaching out slowly with trembling hands and clutching it close to his heart.

He wasn't clueless anymore, he wasn't oblivious anymore. He now knows of the suffering she once carried on her own, the burden of time and memories she shouldered like the weight of the world bearing on her. She pushed through it all with a smile, staying by his side through each and every life with loving and care as if he wasn't the one who kept pushing her away for another. He doesn't know how she could've done such a thing, he can't imagine the suffering she went through because of him.

What he experienced just now was a mere smidgen of what she once felt. Yet the pain was unbearable to the point of void and emptiness to him, a non-existent pain clawing at his heart and ripping it apart for him to see. Through the countless of lifetimes, forgotten by the one she loves and cherishes, how had she managed to keep living on? He doesn't know the answer. The air was suffocating, he doesn't know how to breathe properly and the only thing he could do was pitifully sob as he failed to form the words he wanted to say.

He wished for any gods out there to please not take her away from him. He knows that he was the one who pushed her away, knows that he was the one who desperately asked for her to pull him out of the misery, knows that he was the one who caused her all the pain she's ever felt. He was selfish to still yearn for her even though she was now happy with another, just like he once was with Rachel even though it was a mere delusion of his. She kept reaching out to him in every life because he unconsciously called her, yet he didn't realize till it's too late. He would keep searching for her as if being led home by an invisible string that bound them, homing back to her wherever she may be and finding his place by her side.

She would push through thorny paths and icy blizzards for him, uncaring of any scars she may have attained for his sake alone. She kept reaching, and reaching, for she heard his plea. But he never grasped her hand back. Until it was all over, and he realized there was no longer a way out of the darkness. He wishes for one last chance with all that he had, to whoever may have heard him be it the gods or the devils. He'll sell his soul, he'll do anything just for another chance to be by her side and properly love her like he should have for the start. And Fate was the one who heard his sound of desperation.

Fate asked him of his first life, of how Evolet had protected him and died in his stead with a content smile of shielding him in his last moments. He had screamed out to both heaven and hell, cursing them for the loss of his beloved. And so Fate offered him but one chance, that they both would reincarnate. She with her memories, he without his memories. If they fall in love then so shall it be, if they don't then it will simply repeat endlessly.

And she alone would suffer with the burden of time, mind slowly breaking under the pressure that no human should ever know of. She broke, like a puppet who's strings been cut then left alone to crumble to dust. She wasn't supposed to exist anymore, but Death had defied the rules and took her for himself at the cost of reverting back into a mortal. They had ended up with a happily ever after. And Fate simply deems it too boring to be left alone. So the god offered him one last chance that should've never been, another life at the Tower the gods once climbed for their greed and wishes to become the gods they were. The place where life is elongated despite how death lurks at every corner.

The two would meet again without any memories of their past lives, and Fate would once more grin devilishly as the strings unravelled between them. The boy who was born on the night that Tower cried, and the girl beloved by the Tower that should've never existed. The never-ending story unfolds once more as the gods and goddesses gather to oversee them. Perhaps one day they'll climb to the top and crowned as the new god and goddess like they all once did. Or perhaps their story will end in a tragedy as it always did in history. But until they reach the end, let us simply watch over them.

A/N

:

I totally did not finish this last minute or stayed up late to write it, no— But am proud of the second half of this chapter, yes—

That being said, this is finally the end of Book 1 of the Muse Series :D Book 2's prologue will be published on May 23rd 2021 so do look forward to it :D And I'll probably publish a little sneak peek later after my final exams are done. That's all for now because this author of yours need to cram for the finals— And I wish all of you sweet readers a fine day/night! Thank you for all your support so far and until I see you again sweethearts~