The ride to the village was tense and practically my entire being thrummed with nerves. Mentally, I could not decide which outcome would be worse, for Arlo's scolding to have been correct or to arrive only to find that there was cause for concern after all. Nica's young face flashed through my mind and I gulped down my dread. As the familiar shapes of the huts came into view, my stomach lurched when I noticed that the smell of burning filled my nostrils and adrenaline surged through my veins. There was vivid horror plastered over Arlo's already pale face, before we broke into a gallop to an unknown situation.
As we crossed the threshold into the small community, we were greeted by chaos and I glanced around at the scene before us open mouthed with shock. Unarmed people lay dead strewn across the ground, huts burned and there were cries of terror and pain from almost every direction. It was overwhelming to be surrounded by so much need, knowing that the two of us were the only aid that they would receive and, as if sharing the same thought, Arlo turned to face me with a determined scowl.
"Find Nica. I will search for information and aid any other survivors." She barked, before tearing away from me without even a backwards glance. From her quick thinking reaction, I suspected that this was not her first experience with disasters on this scale and the background that Indra had provided me with just before I met Arlo for the first time replayed in my mind. The realisation struck me that this was likely painfully similar to her past, when her village was destroyed and that rather than simply delegating well, she may also have separated us because she needed to be alone in order to contain her emotions.
I slid down from the horse and began to navigate through the aftermath on foot, as I plodded around in a state of shock. The stench of death and dense placement of bodies were a haunting recurrence of the downfall of Mount Weather and I struggled to remain focused on the present. The puddles beneath my feet were tinged red with blood and smoke filled the air, coating my lungs with it's heady intoxication.
Forcing my attention to the task at hand, I called out to the young boy and my heart ached when he did not respond. I began to search through the changed landscape of the village that I had once known well, checking each building for any signs of survival, only to find more bodies and realised that I might be hunting for his body, rather than a hiding child. The thought was daunting and I pushed it aside as I dug through the devastation, praying that he was indeed safe.
By the time I had covered half of the village, my faith that we would find him safe and sound was wavering and my calls morphed into something more frantic. My hands were a filthy combination of grey and red, and I felt the severity of the situation crushing in on me from all angles. My breaths grew shallow and my heart hammered in my chest, the sound pounding in my ears. Just as I feared that I was losing control of my panic, I caught a glimpse of copper hair emerging from the devastation and Arlo appeared in my view.
"Anything?" I breathed, staring over at her in wide eyed desperation and she shook her head regretfully in response. Even in the poor visibility, I noticed that her eyes were puffy and slightly red, and knew that she was more heavily affected by the tragedy than she was willing to admit. Our eyes met and for a fleeting moment, there was a sense of horror that was shared between us before she darted her gaze away to examine the immediate area.
"No survivors." She grumbled in a low, heartbroken manner as she avoided looking at me and I hissed under my breath. The smoky air churned past us, carrying the bitter scent of blood and I felt myself becoming manic as I realised that every second that passed lowered our chances of finding Nica alive. The invasive image of his smiling face filled my mind without my permission and tears pricked at my eyes. Realising that she hadn't fully answered my question, I opened my mouth to enquire whether she had found his body with dread crushing my chest, when I was interrupted by a pained shout nearby. Arlo and I paused for a moment in shock, each silently confirming that we hadn't imagined it before I took off running with her hot on my trail.
"We hear you, keep shouting!" I called insistently as I sprinted in the direction that I thought the sound was coming from, but it was difficult to decipher in the thick fog of the smoke. Before long I'd lost track of it, but stubbornly continued forward in the hope that I might stumble across someone. "Where are you? Make a sound!" I pleaded with my hands clasped around my mouth to amplify my voice and though I did not hear the voice again, I became gradually aware of a banging sound to my side. Without hesitation, I veered off toward it with the aim of pinpointing its location, whilst Arlo broke off in the other direction.
Realising that the sound seemed to be behind me now, I hurtled to a stop and jogged back the way that I'd come from. Though I could recognise that it was nearby, I struggled to find its origin and began frantically examining all of the collapsed buildings for any sign of a survivor. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a set of small legs hanging out from some of the wreckage and threw items aside in a manic bid to reach whomever was underneath. The moment that I lifted off some of the pressure, the sound grew louder and I felt a wave of hope at the confirmation that I was in the right place.
"Hold on! I'm here, I hear you." I yelled back to them, launching chunks of wood out of the way until I finally uncovered a small, broken form. Immediately, I recognised the bruised face and leaned back to call out. "Arlo! I found him!" I screeched, before returning to his side in a fluster and identifying that he had been smacking a pipe against a sheet of metal to lead us to him. I pushed his filthy hair from his face with a tearful smile and as our eyes met, I could recognise an overpowering will to endure that radiated from inside him. "You clever boy!" I muttered fondly and he gradually seemed to recognise me.
"In-di-go?" He stuttered with a pained voice and I nodded hurriedly back, battling to keep my tears from flooding down my cheeks. He fidgeted in an attempt to lean forward, but as soon as he moved even slightly, he cried out in a sound that made my stomach churn with horror and coughed blood into his hand. My face dropped with trepidation and I turned my attention to his body with a gulp. As I analysed the extensive selection of wounds that littered his slight form, Arlo fell to her knees on his other side in a frenzy.
"He lives!" She whispered, for once her controlled facade giving way to a relief that was almost palpable in the air. My hands shook with terror as I pulled back his clothes to investigate the cause of the bleeding and all of the colour drained from my face as I discovered the source. He had several cuts that seemed to have been inflicted with a sword, but the most noticeable was a large gash across the width of his waist, which poured blood at an alarming rate. I glanced from him to Arlo with a lump rising in my throat and her expression silently pleaded for good news. Ripping off my arm warmers, I threw them at her and began unwrapping my shirt.
"Put these on the small cuts and hold as much pressure on them as possible. We need to slow the bleeding." I instructed without a single thought about status and for the first time, she obeyed without question. The length of the fabric that was wrapped around my chest was a blessing and I lifted him slightly to thread it underneath him. I tightened it as much as possible and then ripped off one of the leather strips that hung from my corset, fastening it around like a belt. "We need help! Did you find anyone?" I queried hopefully but she shook her head with a grim expression and I cursed quietly. "Alright. Let's get him moved. Maybe we can make it to the next village?" I suggested as we attempted to lift him as carefully as possible but he howled in agony from every single step that jolted him from side to side. Miraculously, we found a trading wagon nearby and settled him on its surface.
As I swept his sweat soaked hair from his face, I noticed that his skin was growing cold and his lip trembled. He gazed up at me in an unfocused manner and it was clear to me that we had little time remaining to intervene. In a gesture of stress, I ran my hands through my hair and began to pace in an effort to form a plan. I knew in my gut that my limited medical experience would not be enough to treat such severe injuries and wracked my brain for somewhere that I could take him where there would be people that were capable of helping. Movement to my side caught my attention and I glanced over to find Arlo settled on her knees, staring down at him with intensity. He peeked at her with a trust that was unwavering and she studied him fondly.
"What happened here? Who did this to you, yongon?" She asked in a gentle, but poignant manner and Nica's breathing became effortful and raspy as he prepared himself to answer her. I paused my fearful footsteps to listen to his explanation and although I felt that we didn't have time to waste, I understood Arlo's need to ensure that she found out who was responsible for this, in case this was her only opportunity.
"The men came...searching for...someone. They asked who had seen...they said we lied….cut us down, burned our homes…" He stuttered, every word seeming to be a battle for him and we keenly listened to his strained description. As he opened his mouth to continue, he coughed heavily and blood splattered from his lips. I leaned in close to him and assisted to lift his shoulders to clear his airway, terrified that he would choke in his own blood.
"Who were the men, Nica? What did they look like?" I questioned desperately, rubbing his back to sooth him and a fire already lit inside of me for the predators of such a vicious act. His eyelids grew heavy as he viewed me over his shoulder and his breaths were ragged.
"No names...strangers…" He muttered in a hoarse voice and I could tell that he was making every effort to think of something that could help us to identify them. A few seconds passed as he fought to remain awake and mentally I pleaded with all that was holy to spare his life. "Scars...on their faces...under the white...pretty markings…" He trailed off, his focus drifting lazily past my face to the sky and I shook him to keep him from slipping away.
"Stay with me, Nica! Get the horses, we must go now." I yelled at Arlo in urgency, whilst I pushed the fabric on his waist to increase the pressure and she leapt from the wagon. His limbs became heavy in my grip and his head lulled back, causing my stomach to flip with terror. "Don't do this! Hold on, please." I begged as I took his immature face in my hands and felt my heart hammering with panic. He was unresponsive to my voice and when I felt his neck, there was no indication of a pulse. Without even a moment of consideration, I moved into a crouch and knitted my hands together. I forced intense pumps into his chest, keeping a mental count of the compressions and pushing away the lingering memory of the last time I performed CPR, on Bellamy in the dropship.
"What are you doing?!" Arlo's sharp voice carried from behind as she rushed back to the wagon, still gripping the reins of the horses, but I strained to retain my focus as I pushed determinedly on his chest.
"Saving his life!" I panted, already sweating from the exertion and she crawled up beside me to observe. She seemed equally fascinated and horrified by my actions as Nica bounced around from the impact of the compressions and it crossed my mind that the grounders would likely never have seen CPR. "He stopped breathing, but I'm trying to resuscitate him by keeping his heart beating." I explained hurriedly, before leaning down to blow two powerful breaths into his mouth. When I returned to compressions, I noticed that Arlo wore a resigned expression and leaned out to check his pulse for herself. She grimaced at the realisation that he was gone and her voice became fragile.
"Stop, Indigo. We are too late. It is his time." She muttered, her words barely audible through her heartbreak and I shook my head at her vigorously. Mentally, I scanned through the vast array of injuries that I had seen Abby treat and convinced myself that if I could just get him to her, she could perform the impossible.
"No! I can save him!" I barked, still counting my compressions with an unyielding commitment and Arlo sighed. I was unwilling to admit defeat, as I stared death in the face and refused to allow it to take such a young, promising life. "We need to get him back to Arcadia. We have equipment there and doctors. My people can help him-"
"It is a day's ride to your home from here." She abruptly cut me off mid argument and I shook my head with tears burning in my eyes as I worked. "Do you truly believe that you will be able to perform this treatment for that long, whilst the horses pull the cart over the terrain? Or is it more likely that you will merely extend his suffering and keep him from peace?" She interrogated, for the first time a hint of vulnerability present within her firm words and I scoffed in frustration as beads of sweat rolled down my pale face.
"But he's only a child!" I gasped indignantly, hardly able to summon the energy to fight my exhaustion through the despair that I felt. "I can't do it anymore. You have to take over or he'll die!" I rasped, my throat dry from shortness of breath, but instead of asking for directions on the procedure, Arlo simply reached out to place a hand over mine. With tormented eyes, she slowed my movements to a stop and a single tear escaped my composure to slide down my cheek.
"Death does not hesitate for those who are youthful." She breathed, glancing down at Nica's still face with a remarkable calmness that I could hardly even comprehend at this moment. "He died a warrior's death, as we all should be honoured to do." She clarified, moving her hand from mine to grasp her dagger and I felt my breath catch in my throat at the motion. With a delicate touch, she untangled the braid from behind his head and ran her fingers along it with a sense of sentimentality. "Yu gonplei ste odon." [Your fight is over] She spoke clearly, in a tone of great significance as she cut the braid free and I watched her stow it away with silent understanding.
As our eyes met, my composure crumbled and my voice cracked as sobs wracked my chest. My ribs ached from the strength of my cries and Arlo covered her face with her hair for a few seconds, but I could tell that she was wiping away tears of her own. When she returned to facing me, there was a forced calm and she lowered her voice to mask her emotions.
"A warrior does not mourn those they have lost until the battle is over." She expressed, her voice lacking the feeling of wisdom that it usually would hold when she repeated lessons that she had been taught and I wiped my face as I fought to contain the storm of emotions that crashed over me. "There are dead for whom we must pay respects, then murderers to be hunted. Find the strength to get back up." She implored, rising to her feet to place an encouraging hand on my shoulder, before she left me to compose myself.
Time lost its meaning as I struggled to halt the tears that poured down my cheeks in a near endless supply. I carefully cleaned off the dirt from Nica's cold face, revealing features that had once been lit with enthusiasm but were now empty and feeling the image burning itself into my brain. Once I felt able to move, I leaned down to press a delicate kiss on his forehead and surveyed him for a final time.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, Nica. I swear, if it's the last thing that I do, I will see that you have justice. May we meet again, stelt gona." [hidden warrior]. I whispered, before forcing myself to part from him.
- O - O - O - O - O -
The haunting scent of smoke plagued my dreams and I could not remove the image of Nica's lifeless face from my memory. His loss felt like an unnecessary trauma, an event that defied fate itself and I knew that the experience had changed both Arlo and I. My lungs burned as I coughed hard enough to begin to wake myself and as the dream faded from my mind, I stirred into consciousness.
Gradually, the realisation struck me that the restricted space of my tent was dominated by heavy smoke and oppressive heat. I bolted to standing and stumbled outside, spluttering for air. The sight that greeted me was surreal and it was a struggle to comprehend whether I was in fact still dreaming. Flames tore through the miniature settlement that had been my home since leaving Arkadia and many of our possessions had been ransacked. As my shock subsided, I realised that Arlo's tent was completely alight and rushed over to search for her.
"Arlo! Are you in there?!" I bellowed over the crackling of the flames and smoke billowed out as I pulled aside the doors. Covering my face with my arm, I stepped as far inside as I could manage, but before I could catch any glimpse of her, I was dragged backwards sharply.
The attack caught me off guard and, still dazed from sleep, I did not manage to resist the forced movement. I slammed to the ground on my back, staring up at the black sky which was barely visible through the density of the smoke and everything seemed to fall into slow motion. Whilst lost in the haze of the moment, I was startled by the swing of an axe that I barely rolled away in time to avoid. With considerate strain, I sprung onto my feet and held my fists up defensively. A towering figure loomed before me, hood raised to shield them from recognition and I knew immediately that this was no mere training exercise. Without my daggers, I was at a significant disadvantage and knew that I would have to think quickly to get myself out of this.
Before I could question what was happening, my opponent swung forward heavily and I dodged the blade by a hair's width. Summoning all of my strength, I kicked them back and as they stumbled, I struck at their inner elbow to force them to drop the weapon. As soon as it clattered to the ground I kicked it away to prevent them from snatching it straight back. I stumbled back from a shattering impact to my stomach with a groan and the stranger strode closer as they unleashed a chain of blows that threw me around. The moment that they paused, I struck forward and instead of feeling my fist connect with them, they used my momentum to throw me over their shoulder into a pile of debris. A deep wheeze sounded from my chest and my ribs burned from the collision. It was impossible to drag myself back to my feet and I laid in the dirt, glancing around me at the burning camp with a sense of dread.
From the smoke emerged a second hooded figure, smaller than the first and as they strode over to me with their sword raised, I was struck with a wave of determination. My legs shook as I scrambled into an unsteady crouch and stood stubbornly against the duo, who circled me menacingly as if stalking their prey. From the corner of my eye, I noticed a glint of light amongst the pieces of wood that had once been our weapon rack and dug out my daggers.
The moment that I turned to hold them up defensively, I was caught between attacks from both of the invaders and it took all of my strength to hold them back. The sharp clang of our blades ricocheting off each other filled the air and I panted as I rapidly deflected their advances. In a risky manoeuvre, I ducked to avoid the swing of the axe and simultaneously swept my leg out to trip the smaller opponent, who landed unceremoniously on their back with a crunch. Seizing the opportunity, I tactically whacked the remaining attacker in the armpit, then stomped on their foot and finally kicked their groin with as much force as I could muster. As they doubled over, I swiftly sliced at them with my daggers and they collapsed to the ground with an explosive spray of blood.
Without warning, I slammed face first into the dirt and the power of my fall knocked the air from my lungs. The smaller attacker crawled up my back and I realised a moment too late that I'd lost grip of my daggers in the impact. Though I fought to reach them, I was unable to do so quickly enough before something wrapped around my throat and I knew that I was being choked from behind. The weight of my attacker bore down on my shoulder blades and I was lifted back by the rope that cut into my neck. Hot breath tickled my ear as they leaned in close and my blood ran cold with terror as I gasped for air.
"Those who oppose the queen will endure her wrath." The voice hissed in Trig and even through the overbearing noise of the fire that surrounded us, I could tell that it was distinctly female.
My head became light and my vision darkened as I battled against the oxygen deprivation. As if answering an unspoken prayer, I heard a subtle thud before the woman cried out and the pressure on my throat released just enough to allow me to break free from the hold. I snatched the nearest dagger from the ground immediately and spun around to plunge it into her neck without any hesitation. As she crumpled, I noticed a familiar arrow in her shoulder and my heart leapt into my chest. In the distance, a figure dropped down from height and strolled over with a bow held firmly in their grip.
"I'm glad to find that you survived." Arlo's face was coated in thick ash as she reached me and although her words seemed relieved, her expression remained as unmoved as usual. Sometimes I questioned whether she even knew how to emote normally and was baffled as to how she remained so controlled even in the face of such a chaotic situation.
"You too. I was worried you were caught in the fire." I confessed between pants, as I leant on the nearest surface to recover from the intense fight and she shook her head as if my concern was completely unjustified. "They almost killed me. Please tell me that you weren't just sitting up there using that near death experience as training." I groaned with a heavy exhaustion and I caught a slight smile dancing across her face. It wouldn't be the first time she'd almost allowed me to die so that I could advance my skills and although I felt that we were past that stage now, I couldn't help confirming.
"I woke when the fire began and pursued more of their kin. I arrived at that vantage point at the opportune moment to rescue you. Quite fortunate." She explained, stowing her bow away to approach the bodies for examination and I stared back at her in disbelief.
"Hang on. So you knew that the camp was on fire and you left me asleep in the tent?" I questioned accusingly and she behaved as if she hadn't heard me. I cursed under my breath at her reaction and was hurt that she would take such a risk just to ensure that she had the chance to catch the culprits. "You know, sometimes I think you're actually trying to kill me off." I remarked bitterly and, satisfied with simply pushing off their hoods, she straightened up to fix me with a serious stare.
"I had faith that you would endure. I am pleased that I was correct." She answered in a bored tone and I huffed at what I felt to be inadequate reasoning for almost allowing me to become a human barbecue. "Look at the markings on their faces. These warriors are of Azgeda, the most fearsome of our fighters. You did well to overcome them, Indigo." She acknowledged and I couldn't prevent my brows from shooting up in surprise as her unexpected praise. I wiped my face in a wasteful effort to clear the heavy mix of ash and blood, and recalled the words of the woman who had attempted to strangle me.
"Wait, she said something important! Apparently we opposed a queen and would feel her wrath?" I recounted in confusion and her features quickly contorted into a bitter scowl.
"The ice queen. I knew it. That viper plots from the shadows." She growled with a fury that was raw and genuine, and I paid close attention to any information that I could gain from her honesty. "The men in Nica's village, I suspect that they were a part of the same group. He remembered that they had scars. These are present on every warrior from their clan." She described as she pointed to the bodies at our feet and I noticed an intricate pattern burned into the flesh of their faces, similar to the woman that we'd captured at the market. "What do they desire to find so desperately that they would massacre villages? It's a bold decision. They likely wished us dead to silence us." She theorised with her brows deeply furrowed in disgust, before her eyes flitted over the state of the camp and the way that she examined it was more suited to a minor inconvenience than the loss of a dwelling. "Come, we must recover what remains here and extinguish the flames before they spread." She ordered with a tiredness that I hadn't heard before and I felt an immense sense of loss as I studied the destroyed location that had come to be my second home.
"Then what will we do? Azgeda cannot get away with this." I enquired in a vengeful tone, my mind filled with the image of Nica's suffering face and I glared down at the bodies with rage burning in my stomach.
"I captured one of them alive in the woods nearby, their lookout. We will take him for questioning." She divulged and I scoffed with dissatisfaction, feeling that this was a grossly insubstantial result. "Then, he will receive no mercy. Nica was respected by many, in villages all through these woods. They will call for justice and when they do, we will see that it is served."
- O - O - O - O - O -
My hands shook as I stood in the crowded chamber that echoed with the cries of the prisoner, as each person approached for their turn to slice a cut into his skin. The tradition was barbaric to witness and the mundane manner with which the other participants treated it only further exacerbated my discomfort. There was a distinct smell of blood tinging the air, just as it had the night at the village and I had to excuse myself to catch my breath. Outside in the cool breeze of the night, I felt my heart hammering with anxiety and my breaths became shallow with panic. The emotions that I felt during Nica's final moments replayed through my body as if the moment was happening all over again and I gripped my head with both hands in desperation.
"This justice is not what you expected?" Arlo's sudden voice caused me to startle so hard that I almost lost my balance and I spun around to face her with a wide eyed stare. Despite spending a substantial amount of time living with her, I was still not adapted to her silent movements and I was tired of being ambushed by her appearances. She turned a delicate dagger over between her fingers and I noticed that a fresh, red droplet ran off the edge of the blade. I gulped down my nausea and forced myself to meet her appraising eyes.
"The reality was just more overwhelming than I imagined." I answered carefully, frustrated that my voice exposed my distress and Arlo nodded slowly in understanding. She leaned casually against a nearby wall and drew out the motion of wiping the blade clean on her coat, savouring every moment as if committing it to memory.
"I remember my first death by 1000 cuts." She stated in a reminiscing voice and I drew my attention to her with a measured interest. "I entered the ritual overflowing with a brazen attitude, certain that I craved my place in serving the punishment. Once I was faced with the man that committed the crime, my resolve wavered and I lost my courage." She elaborated and I found myself riveted by her explanation. It was the most personal experience that she'd ever elected to share with me and I remained perfectly still, afraid of anything that might cause her to change her mind. "Instead of allowing my doubt to dominate me, I focused on the actions that led him to this sentence, and the rage and disgust that I felt fueled me. I served my part and provided him with the punishment that was deserved." She divulged, allowing the conversation to lapse into silence as I absorbed the wisdom that she had just imparted. After a few moments had passed and I realised that she wasn't going to reveal any further details, I finally dared to speak.
"How old were you?" I enquired carefully, anxiety knotting in my stomach as I was unsure what reaction to anticipate from my largely unpredictable mentor and she viewed me with an unreadable expression.
"Significantly younger than you are now." She answered in a manner that felt like somewhat of an insult and I sighed at the surreal concept. I couldn't imagine Arlo as a child, the wisdom in her was so deeply ingrained that it seemed impossible for her to have ever existed without it and the idea of allowing a child to be involved in such a severe ritual seemed barbaric. She straightened up and neatly placed the blade away, her face softening as she studied me. "Though, likely not much smaller." She remarked with a slight smirk and I couldn't decide if I was shocked by her honest story, or the fact that she'd just made a humorous dig at my height.
"What will happen once he dies?" I asked reluctantly, unsure if I truly wanted to know the answer as I struggled with conflicting emotions and Arlo sighed thoughtfully.
"His body, and all of the others from our camp, will be taken to the village to be burned with the victims. The pire will join their souls and the ground will be cleansed of the sin. Only then can blood be repaid." She explained in a matter of fact manner and I shifted on the spot with unease. Though the idea of burning the bodies had become normal to me, I couldn't help feeling that allowing his ashes to blend with those of his victims seemed bizarre and immensely disrespectful to their suffering. I kept my opinion to myself, not wishing to offend their culture and fiddled with my hands in a gesture of stress.
"The commander sent her most honoured interrogator to work on him, but we only extracted a few names. His loyalty to the ice queen was deep, or perhaps indeed his fear of her." She reported in annoyance and I nodded back as I awaited orders. "I cannot return to Polis without information that can be acted upon. The Commander has tasked me with infiltrating Azgeda to investigate other accomplices in this operation." Arlo's voice was stern, but lacked the confidence that it usually carried and I felt uncertain on whether this mission was something she agreed with, or simply an order that she could not refuse.
"When do we leave?" I asked innocently, assuming that my place would be at her side as always and Arlo seemed proud of my willingness to assist.
"I cannot include you in this endeavour, Indigo." She declared, her heavy accent filling my name with sounds that would not usually be present and I was pleased that she had stopped calling me sky girl. "Azgeda is the most brutal of all our lands and they can detect an intruder from only the slightest error. Though you have developed into a brave warrior, you are not ready for this scrutiny." She explained and though her words were more complimentary than I'd ever heard from her, I was still frustrated that I would have to leave her to face these odds alone.
"Then what can I do to help?" I requested, keen to not leave the entire burden on her shoulders and she smiled fondly at me.
"Return to your home, inform your people of the treachery of Azgeda. They will need to be cautious when leaving your camp and I would only trust you to carry this message." She instructed and I stared back at her reluctantly, uncertain if she was assigning me this simple duty in order to keep me from harm. "I will signal you when I return. If I intend to expose this betrayal, I will need my second." She confirmed with a wry smile and I felt my mouth fall open in shock. In all of my time by her side, she had never referred to me as such and I was convinced by Indra's assertion that she no longer saw herself as part of any clan, that she would not consider offering such a role. I could tell that she awaited my acceptance of this title and although I was honoured to have been presented with it, I felt unworthy as I realised that I had been unable to fulfill a duty that she had accomplished in mere childhood. I fiddled awkwardly with my hands and cleared my throat to address my concerns.
"Seda, I am unworthy of your compliment." I muttered shamefully and she crooked a brow at me in enquiry, her expression the picture of confusion. "I thought that I would easily be able to fulfill my part in punishing a man who was part of Nica's death. But I don't know if I can." I confessed, avoiding her gaze as I bowed my head and the tension in the air felt stifling in the silence that followed. After some consideration, Arlo stepped closer to address me.
"Nica died a child because of the greed of Azgeda. They cut him down, slaughtered him where he stood like worthless livestock. Remember his suffering, his fear and your strength will inspire you." She advised and I finally looked up at her with uncertainty. "There can be no peace without an end. Take your vengeance proudly, as is our custom and your soul will begin to heal." She added poignantly, her eyes carrying the weight of her words and I nodded slowly as my emotions flooded to the surface.
Once determination filled my features, Arlo stepped aside to allow me to pass and I strode into the chamber with a newfound sense of resolve. There were still people keenly awaiting their chance and I waited patiently behind them. Though I still felt uncomfortable, I followed Arlo's advice and closed my eyes to return myself to the scene of the crime. The memory was easy to summon, fresh in the shallows of my mind and I was immersed in detail as if I had been transported back there immediately. Nica's brow shined with sweat and ash, and his eyes were filled with a terror that I would never forget. I remembered the overpowering sorrow as he became lifeless in my grip and my heart broke all over again.
Fire burned in my chest when I opened my eyes and I viewed the captive grounder with a hatred that stemmed from my very core. I decided in that moment that he had forfeited any right to be treated with compassion when he brutally stole innocent lives and especially one of such promise. I approached him with rage boiling through my veins, but was able to remain uncharacteristically in control as I met his exhausted eyes. Reaching for my dagger, I slid it out with a flourish and carved the blade agonisingly slow against his flesh. He hissed in pain as I inflicted a deep wound in his skin, maintaining a vengeful eye contact as I memorised every detail of the act and leaned in close to address him.
"Nica kom Trikru. May his soul be avenged and his spirit find peace, and may you never receive redemption for his death." I cursed with as much venom as I could force into my voice and as I turned from him, I carefully wiped my blade on my bodice. The reality of my loss hit me all at once as I sauntered from the room and I finally understood the necessity of this ritual for all of those who were left behind. Jus drein jus daun.