Chapter 59: The Godfather-in-Law
Genma found himself sweating a little as he waited outside Narita airport. He wasn't sure if it was due to the Oozoras having managed to stuff him into a suit for the first time since his wedding or because they were waiting for a Mafia Don flying in from the US. It was probably a bit of both.
"Don Corleone should be here any minute," Sabu said, checking his watch. "Do you see anyone suspicious?"
Genma shook his head, wishing Seiji hadn't been sick today. Especially because Sabu could be a surprisingly aggressive driver, which did not help Genma's already fluttering stomach.
"So, is your English really good enough to handle this?" Genma asked.
Sabu gave a shrug. "I know a little bit. Hopefully it'll be enough... oh! There he is."
Genma turned, looking towards the entrance at the duo approaching them. It was a father and son, as expected. The boy was a lanky blonde, looking around like a kid in a candy shop. The father, meanwhile, was nearly as wide as he was tall, and looked to be almost pure fat to Genma's eyes. Speaking of eyes, the man's were hidden so deep beneath his brow to be in constant shadow. If the man had been thinner it would have been like looking at a skull, but with all the fat on him... it reminded Genma of something, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
"He-lo. You ahe Don Co-le-o-ne?" Sabu asked as the man approached. Even though Genma couldn't speak any himself he knew enough to know that Sabu's English was... lacking.
"I can speak the Japanese a little. No worry," Corleone replied.
"Oh, thank goodness," Genma said, before the son charged into his personal space.
"Hey! You! Why is no one wearing kimonos? Everyone's just dressed like back home!"
"Michael! Let the man breathe!" the Don shouted in English, too fast for either Japanese man to follow.
"I normally wear a gi, but we wanted to make you feel more comfortable," Genma replied.
"Is there any risk of a Godzilla attack while we're here?" the Michael boy asked.
Genma felt his eye twitch.
"How about the cute alien girls? I've seen enough anime to know Tokyo has lots of cute alien girls."
"Michael. Get in the car," the father ordered, the gesture that accompanied it allowing even Genma to understand what was said.
Sabu and Genma let the pair in the car, before getting in themselves. The drive back towards Tokyo was reasonably calm. Sure, the Michael boy never stopped gabbing about (often fictional) sights he wanted to see while visiting Tokyo, but Genma managed to tune him out. It was nearly two hours from Narita to Nerima, so it was necessary for the sake of his sanity.
"That car's been following us," Sabu whispered as they changed highways at the Naka River.
"It's a popular route," Genma replied, keeping his voice quiet too. It was best not to spook their guests.
Testing the hypothesis, Sabu sped up. Not enough to prompt a chase, but enough to let him overtake a few cars. The other vehicle matched them, though kept just enough distance to leave Genma not quite certain. Still, paying more attention he swore he could pick up an aggressive energy from the vehicle.
Or he was just being paranoid. At least until they hit the point where the Naka and Arakawa rivers diverged, and there were once again exits from the expressway. The other car sped up, tossing something into Sabu's open window, before zipping off down the nearest off ramp. Not that anyone onboard paid the car much attention at that point, having realised the object thrown in looked suspiciously like a grenade. The three men began to play a very panicked game of hot potato, Sabu struggling to keep control of the car at the same time.
This came to an anti-climactic end when the 'grenade' popped open with a puff of smoke. Inside was a small note reading 'I will kill you' in English.
Genma took a moment to get his heart out of his throat. "I guess... I guess they want to be more up close and personal when they do do it."
"Yes," Corleone replied, panting for air himself, before looking to the empty seat beside him. "Where is my Michael?"
Genma glanced towards the passenger side rear view mirror, and was greeted with the sight of the blonde boy clinging on to the rear bumper for dear life as the car dragged him along. Genma had to admit, the kid was faster and stronger than he'd given him credit for.
"The Don should be here any minute," Ibari said as he hurried around the living room.
Ranma and the Oozora girls sat watching him, nibbling on chips while waiting to see if he might have another heart attack.
"Gyah! Girls! You should get changed into kimonos! The Don loves old fashioned Japanese culture stuff. Samurai movies and the like," Ibari said, stopping his running about for a moment, though he flailed his arms enough to seem just as mobile.
"Ah, do we have to?" Tsubame groaned.
"It does sound like a bit of a pain," Suzume added.
"Oh, well, I suppose you can disappoint the Don. He's only crossed the Pacific Ocean to visit," Ibari said, sitting down with his back to them. "My own daughters. They're betraying me, when I just want to set a good impression for my old friend."
"Is he crying?" Ranma whispered, watching the way Ibari seemed to shake.
"He's 'too much of a man' to let us see, but still wants to make a show of it," Hibari muttered.
"Fine. Fine. We'll go get changed," Tsubame said, letting out a sigh. "I hate it when he cries like that."
"Total crocodile tears," Hibari muttered, but got up to change all the same.
It took Ranma a little effort to get her kimono figured out. When it came to traditional women's clothing she'd only worn a yukata before. Luckily Hibari was happy to help and the pair soon joined Hibari's sisters in the genkan.
"Psst, Tsubame," Hibari whispered.
The brunette turned, raising an eyebrow.
"I can see your pantyline. You're not supposed to wear those under a kimono," Hibari said.
Tsubame turned crimson. "I'm not meeting some strange man without underwear, you little perv!"
Ibari shot the pair of them a glare that could have cowed the average person. Unfortunately for Ibari his daughters held the fire of their yakuza bloodline and glared right back at him.
Confrontation was averted by the front door bursting open, revealing a large round man in a suit and bowtie.
"Ibari!"
"Corleone!"
The two men pulled each other into a hug, exchanging a barrage of 'it's been so long' and 'you look good' and similar pleasantries.
The pair kept that up until a blond boy wandered in, looking severely annoyed.
"Japan is garbage. I haven't seen a single giant monster," the boy muttered in English. "I didn't see Mount Fuji. Or Tokyo Tower. Or Ultraman. Or—oooh. Pretty Japanese girls in kimonos! Hello! I am Michael! I love Japan!"
The Oozora girls and Ranma just gave their cutest smiles. Even Suzume and Ranma, who'd gotten roughly none of what he'd said in English, were put off by the Japanese part of his comments.
Michael quickly became too excited to continue in Japanese, rambling away in rapid fire English that no one but his father could follow. Hibari, losing patience with the boy, decided to return fire with a rapid fire burst of Japanese statements. Most were simply facts memorized from school textbooks or advertising taglines, but the content didn't matter. She just wanted to give this boy a taste of his own medicine.
Michael was left blinking a few times in response, but had finally shut up. To Hibari's surprise, Genma of all people flashed her a smile and two thumbs up from behind the elder Corleone's back.
With Michael calmed, Ibari made sure to lead the Don into the living room, where Tsugumi and Sabu were quick to get the alcohol flowing. Genma joined in drinking soon enough, and the three men began exchanging stories. The girls and Michael sat across from the trio, intrigued by stories they'd never heard. And kept present by Tsugumi supplying them all with (non-alcoholic) refreshments as well.
And then the bombshell dropped.
"You no, Oozora, I do ponder that it is high time we fulfill that ancient oath we made," Corleone said.
"Ancient... old promise?" Ibari asked.
The Don nodded. "Yes! Old promise! About my son hear and won of your girls. And a wedding."
"A wedding?" the Oozora girls asked in unison, while Ibari fell into a coughing fit.
"Ooh, that old promise," Ibari muttered. "Riiight. W-well, we were drunk when we made that promise."
Corleone slammed his bottle of sake on the table, leaning in to glare at the other man. "For a Sicilian family a promise is a matter of life and death, Oozora."
Ibari swallowed nervously, wondering why Corleone's Japanese had suddenly become flawless. "W-well, I suppose we could. I have a few daughters, after all."
"Excellent!" Corleone replied, moving to pat Ibari on the shoulder.
Only his hand hit air, the Oozora girls having jumped to their feet and yoinked their father out of the way. Corleone could only watch in confusion as Ranma and the sisters carried Ibari out of the room. The small mob carried him off to the dojo, closing up the doors before dropping him down.
Ibari glanced nervously between the five girls.
"ANOTHER engagement promise!?" Tsubame hissed.
"I... well, like I said, I was drunk and it was years ago and I didn't think he'd actually take me up on it," Ibari replied, shrinking into his house yukata.
"Seriously, father. How many did you make?" Tsugumi asked.
"How... I swear it's just the two. Considering there's four of you that's not that bad. I'm not like Saotome or anything..."
"You're a real idiot sometimes, daddy!" Suzume shouted.
"It's pretty bad parenting," Ranma added.
"I—hey! Who let you join in on this, Ranma? You're not family!" Ibari protested.
"Ranma's basically family," Tsugumi replied.
"You're the one who got him engaged to Hibari!" Tsubame added.
"Alright, ignoring what a bad idea this was in the first place... do you think you can get away with saying 'no'?" Hibari asked.
Ibari opened his mouth, before the image of Corleone mowing him down in a hail of bullets filled his mind. "N-no. Not if I want to live. American mobsters are dangerous."
Hibari let out a tired sigh. "Well, let's hope Michael is a better guy than he seems to be."
The other Oozora sisters all shivered. They did, however, reluctantly return to the living room, glaring at their father the whole time.
"All is alright, then?" Corleone asked.
"Y-yeah. It's all good," Ibari replied with a forced smile.
The Don nodded. "Well, then... it's time for Michael to choose which girl he wants to marry in a manner according to mafia tradition."
Ranma and the Oozoras exchanged confused glances, wondering what mafia engagement traditions might be like. The questions only increased when lights flashed on behind them. Four numbered red hearts, surrounded in light bulbs, sat on a pale yellow satin curtain, one heart each for Tsugumi, Tsubame, Hibari, and Ranma. Before the girls could even wonder when that had been set up, the don's voice drew all eyes back on him, showing his was now wearing a red suit jacket with black trim, a microphone in his hand.
"Ladies and Gentleman! And Father Oozora!" the don began. "It's time for a round of: Choose! A! Bride!"
An applause rang out from somewhere.
"Now, Michael, my boy... which girl do you choose to be your future bride?" the Don asked, passing the microphone over.
"Oh, oh... I don't know... hmm," the blonde lad began.
Ranma, at that point, paled and began to wave her arms about. "Woah! Woah! I'm not an option! I ain't an Oozora!"
Michael stared at the short redhead for a moment, blinking twice. "Oh. Well, in that case it's easy: number 3! Oozora Hibari-chan!"
"Me?" Hibari asked.
"She's the cutest!" Michael announced.
Tsugumi looked relieved more than anything, while Tsubame and Suzume looked deeply offended. Ranma let out a sigh of relief herself, before realising what it meant.
"Wait a minute! You can't choose Hibari! She's already got a fiancé!" Ranma blurted, waving her arms around.
"That's never stopped you," Hibari replied with a smirk.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ranma asked.
"I'm just saying, you had four engagements at one point," Hibari said, sticking her tongue out.
"Well, I guess I can change my choice if you can produce this supposed fiance, but I won't just take your word on it, missy," Michael said, crossing his arms.
Ranma opened her mouth, before realising she couldn't. She had just put a new layer of waterproof soap earlier that day.
"What are we going to do?" Ranma asked, as she and Hibari sat in Hibari's room.
"I mean, I don't think they can drag me off to get married immediately," the taller redhead replied. "We can probably get your boy side around in a week or so, and that's probably fast enough?"
"I hope so," Ranma muttered. "I don't really know marriage law specifics."
Genma sat at the table with Ibari, within listening range of the Corleones on the engawa. The two Americans had changed into yukata and were clearly hard at work acclimatizing themselves.
"What's the plan?" Genma whispered to Ibari.
"Well... they can't actually get married, right? Hibari's legally male? They need paperwork for a proper marriage," Ibari whispered back. "So... we'll just tell the Don and he'll back off, right?"
"Have you not seen American media these days? They're all fine with being gay," Genma countered, still in hushed tones.
"Th-they are?" Ibari asked.
Genma nodded. (How Genma had gotten that idea was anyone's guess, but Ibari had rather fallen behind on watching Hollywood movies of late, so believed him.)
"Aah," the Don's voice called out as the large man leaned back, taking in the evening air. "You're really lucky, Michael. Getting to marry a cute and demure Japanese girl. I should have married one myself. Traditional Japanese wives are much more reasonable than American women."
Genma began to cough, finding himself choking on air.
"You okay there, man?" Corleone called out over his shoulder.
Genma continued to cough, but waved the man away as he got up. He stumbled out in the opposite direction of the two Americans, headed for fresh air in the courtyard. He had to get away from that nonsense for his own sanity. Traditional Japanese wives? Reasonable? Clearly Corleone had never had a woman waving a katana at him talking about seppuku promises.
Getting out to the courtyard, he found his breath again, and decided to relax a little. At least until he felt an ominous presence behind him.
He turned, ready to fight, only to be confused as he felt his bandana removed, exposing his bald scalp. He turned again, trying to find his opponent. Then... then everything began to smell of lavender and honey. He passed out a moment later.
"I'm tellin' ya, the garden hose might have enough pressure," Ranma said as she headed down the stairs.
"You're forgetting about the bet, aren't you?" Hibari asked.
"I ain't forgettin' nothin'. I'm puttin' you before my winning the bet," Ranma countered, marching off down the ground level hallway. "I ain't gonna let some skinny American twerp steal ya away from me."
"It can wait another couple days, yeesh," Hibari said, hurrying after her short girlfriend.
Ranma opened her mouth to say she wouldn't take the risk, when her eyes landed on an alternative option. "Shampoo!"
Hibari hurried forward to peak around the hallway corner. "Shampoo? What are you doing here?"
The indigo haired girl turned to them, before lighting up. "Tongzhi! I have good news!"
"You are good news," Ranma replied, rushing over to grab her hand. "Hibari needs a fiancé pronto, and I've got too much waterproof soap on me. C'mon. Let's get you changed."
"I am engaged to Hibari again?" Shampoo asked as Ranma dragged her upstairs.
"Eh, for tonight?" Ranma replied with a dismissive wave. "Pops and uncle Ibari'll understand it's just ta chase Mickey boy off."
"Who?" Shampoo asked.
"American idiot my dad more or less promised me to," Hibari replied. "Well, he promised 'a daughter' to him, and he chose me."
Shampoo nodded as she got pulled into Ranma's room. Hibari ran off to the bathroom, returning a moment later with a glass of water to dump on Shampoo's head.
"Now, let's get those clothes off you. They might highlight your muscles well by being tight, but they're not exactly 'manly'," Ranma said as she started to undo Shui's shirt.
The cursed girl found herself blushing a little at where Ranma and Hibari's hands went. She could have protested that she could undress herself, but, well... this was much nicer.
She also found herself rather distracted by the prospect of being put in some of Ranma's clothing. The short redhead seemed a little annoyed that her male clothing was still tight on Shui's thicker musculature, but that annoyance was soon overpowered by how distracting the sight of Shui in tight masculine clothing was. Shui, meanwhile, was busy being distracted by how much the clothing smelled of Ranma.
"Hmm... yeah, I think she strikes a very good image," Hibari said, grabbing onto Shui's hand and pressing up against the cursed-girl's side. "You're such good eye candy."
"Happy to help," Shui replied.
"Let's go spook Mikey-Mike with my hunk of a fiance," Hibari said with a large grin.
Shui found herself pulled off once again, this time heading downstairs. It didn't take long to find Michael and his father, the pair locked in a fierce debate with Sabu about whether or not feeding bread to koi was acceptable.
"Yoohoo, Corleones," Hibari called out, causing the two Americans to turn her way.
The elder raised an eyebrow, while the young American's eyes grew wide at the sight of Shui's solid frame.
"You wanted to see my fiancé, right?" Hibari asked.
"Hello," Shui replied with a slight now. "I am Liu Shui. Hibari's betrothed."
"That's a... that's a... sturdy looking guy," Michael muttered, before turning to his father. "You know, the brunette was pretty cute too. Maybe I should change my decision."
Corleone Sr. gave a slow nod. "That seems like it's probably be—"
A rumble distracted everyone. Hibari wondered, for a second, if it was a small earthquake. But then there was another one. And another.
"She found me!" Corleone yelped, running off towards the house.
"Who found you?" Ibari asked, poking his head out as the rumbles continued.
Corleone tried to scramble under the house, getting stuck partway. "My wife! She's a monster! She's going to kill me!"
"I doubt she's that scary," Genma said, though the rumbling made him uneasy. "There's worse wo—"
It was then that Mrs. Corleone appeared, stepping out from behind the apartment building across the street. Hibari swore the woman was pushing ten metres tall.
"You little cheating worm! You thought you could run away!" the giant woman bellowed.
Hibari felt firmly intimidated by the woman, while several of her father's men ran about in a panic.
Michael, however, had a simple response: "Oh, hey mom."
"Ah, hello sweetie. I'm sorry to have to cut your little vacation short, but your father is coming home with me and I'm not leaving you alone in a strange country," the woman explained, as she stepped over the perimetre wall.
Watching the giant woman pull her husband out from his rather pathetic hiding spot, one question struck Shui.
"Are you a Zentradi?" the girl-turned-boy asked, remembering the series Mousse had tried to get her into.
"A what?" Mrs. Corleone replied.
"Meltrandi is the correct term for the women," Michael said as his mother scooped him up.
"Oh, right," Shui said with a nod.
It was only as the trio left that Shui realised that wasn't actually an answer.
"What just happened?" Genma asked.
"I... I don't really know," Ibari replied.
"I wish my girl side were taller," Ranma muttered.
"Who's that boy beside Hibari, anyhow?" Ibari asked.
Ranma blinked, turning to her future father-in-law. And then to her father, who seemed just as lost. "That's Shui, duh?"
"Who?" both men asked in unison.
Shui walked over to Ranma's side with a smile. "That was the good news I wanted to tell tongzhi."
"You wiped their memories of you?" Ranma asked, once she, Shui, and Hibari were safely tucked away in Ranma's room.
Shui nodded. "Problem was them knowing I was born a girl. Now they forget. I can be third wheel now."
"A third wheel is something different," Hibari replied. "I wish you could have made dad forget about how I was born, though."
Shui shook her head. "No could do that. Maybe great grandmother could, but I can only do all or nothing about a person."
Ranma and Hibari both nodded at that. It made sense, in a way.
"So... I can be romantic with tongzhi again, now, then... right?" Shui asked.
"I've got no objections," Ranma said, turning to Hibari.
"Sounds good to me, too," Hibari replied.
The pair of redheads found themselves lifted off their feet by Shui's muscular hug. While it was tight enough to be a little suffocating for Hibari, she couldn't help enjoying the pure joy on Shui's face.