So, what am I going to do now? Ross won't transfer me. Eames won't talk to me let alone work with me. Everyone in the princinct was pissed at me for rolling on a fellow cop.
Goren was tired and lonely. It didn't look like Eames and him were going to get back together which was triggering his depression. It was hard to see the upside. He thought about reaching out to past girlfriends, to hook up with but decided against it. He would feel too guilty. It didn't seem fair.
He avoided his home and went to the bar which was becoming a unfortunate habit. "Cheap whiskey and lots of it." he told the bartender when he caught his attention. His head returned downwards to the top of the bar and into his drink when it arrived. He hated the cheap stuff but today was not about taste. It was about self medicating, getting drunk fast, and not thinking about her.
He wanted to punish himself. He hated himself and in order to forget about her, he needed to forget about that self-hatred. Many drinks later, the bartender eyes an intoxicated Goren and suggested he eat something so he took a drinking break to shove some food down his throat. He didn't even bother to note it's taste. To him, it was an end to a means: to continue drinking until he could no longer see her face in his mind. Once he, satisfied the bartender, he resumed drinking. Although, he was sure the bartender had begun watering down his drinks.
Goren didn't see her initially. He was too consumed in negative thoughts. But she saw him.
Peter had been talking her ear off. At some point she stopped listening and missed most of it. So much for not thinking of Goren. Instead, her thoughts are filled with how they got here and if his betrayal could be forgiven. She knew she would probably forgive him eventually but it still hurt too much. Everytime she looked at him, she was reminded that he would put his own needs above her, the job above her, without a second's thought.
Her eyes found Goren hunched over the bar. Of course, he's here. But even her pain didn't keep her from caring about him. She would always care, worry, and love him. The thought scared her a bit because he would always come first in her life whether they were together or not. He looks a mess. She could tell he wasn't sleeping. He was disheveled in appearance and his hair was unruly and his beard was growing in thicker and messier. She could also tell he had been drinking and smoking for quite a while, no doubt wallowing in self pity. She hated how much she just wanted to comfort him and be with him. She did her best to appear invested. She was on a date after all.
Goren's eyes peeled away from the bar the moment she decided to focus on her date. She leaned into Peter and placed her hand on his. Goren scanned the room. Several cops occupied the bar. Some laughing and carrying on and others trying to forget. That's when he saw her. He inhaled hard. God, she's beautiful. I miss her so much. He had to turn around and find her again just to make sure he wasn't conjuring her image in his drunken and lonely state. Once he confirmed it was indeed her, he was hard pressed to look away. Every smile, laugh, the way the light bounced off her mesmerized him as if it were the first time. She always had this uncanny way of taking his breath away.
Seeing her brought back his self hatred. Damn, I fucked this up. I would get on my knees and allow her to treat me like the asshole I am, if it meant that I get to see that smile for me and taste her lips again. Fuck, I really miss her. Then, he saw him. Jealousy flooded him. What was she doing with him? Was she trying to make me jealous? Maybe she was just trying to hurt me for hurting her?
She clocked Goren staring. She sighed. She loathed herself for doing this to Peter. He was a great guy but she couldn't help but worry about Goren, even when she was mad at him, and her desire to be back with him panged in her heart.
Their eyes met across the room and they were in their own world, regret and pain pouring off of them. A million words unsaid passed between them. She swallowed hard and grabbed her drink to finish when Peter excused himself.