A/N: So this has been half finished for like 3+ years now. I've been very on the fence whether I really wanted to finish this and then publish it. But hey...life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

The door slid open suddenly with Shayera coming through at a brisk pace. She quickly made her way to Kilowog who had just finished talking to Superman and Warhawk.

"Where is he?" She immediately asked.

Kilowog just stood there awkwardly, visibly reluctant to speak. Shayera turned her head to Clark and then to Rex. She eyed them both, something was wrong.

She repeated more sternly, "Where is John?"

She looked back to Kilowog who had his eyes to the floor. Clark came to her side and placed a hand on her shoulder. Shayera immediately felt her stomach begin to turn as a wave of dread was slowly pouring over her.

Kilowog kept his eyes trained to the floor as he spoke, "The whole mission was a bust. It was a planned ambush. We lost dozens of corpsmen. John was one of the handful left standing. He bought us enough time for the rest of us to get out of there." He took in a deep breath and sighed, "I'm sorry Shayera, he...he didn't get out...he didn't make it."

Shayera shook her head not wanting to believe what she was hearing. This wasn't happening. Shayera grit her teeth as she glared at Kilowog, whose eyes were still cast downward.

Her words were soft and calm, too calm, as she clenched her fists. "You were there. Why didn't you stop him?"

Kilowog finally looked up into her eyes. "If it wasn't for him we'd all be dead. He'll be remembered as a hero in the Green Lantern Corps."

With that Shayera lost it, pushing Kilowog against the wall. She ignored the protests from Clark and Rex, as she trapped Kilowog's throat with her forearm.

"You should have went back! You could have saved him!" Shayera shouted at the Bolovaxian.

Kilowog choked out his words as his oxygen was being cutoff from the pressure. "When did John ever listen? You know how set in his ways he was."

Shayera hit Kilowog's head against the wall. Rex began to move to pull his mother off of Kilowog when Clark put his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"You...you could have stopped him..." Shayera's voice faltered as a tear ran down her cheek. "You could have tried."

The tension on Kilowog's neck released slightly and he put his right hand on Shayera's shoulder and looked into her tear filled eyes.

Kilowog sighed and replied "I wanted to but John wouldn't have let me and someone had to stop The Reach before they killed everyone. I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

Shayera's knees gave in and she collapsed to the floor. She covered her face in her hands and started to cry. Rex rushed to her side and tried to comfort her as best as he could. Kilowog rubbed the front of his neck and then kneeled in front of her, waiting for the Thanagarian to calm down some.

After a few minutes Shayera's breathing was hard, her words were a whisper, and her voice was raspy. "I love him...I always will. He can't...he can't just be gone. Not like this."

Kilowog looked solemnly at her, "I know how you feel."

Shayera raised her head to look at Kilowog who had moved to sit against the wall. Kilowog knew all too well about loss. He was after all the sole survivor of his race...of his planet. He had lost his wife and children. As a former lieutenant herself, Shayera was all too used to death. Yet this was different.

Kilowog sighed again, "I had to pull a lot of strings for them to give me this. I know it won't bring him back." He held his hand out, in it a Green Lantern Ring. "But you'll always have a piece of him with you."

Shayera stared at the ring before gingerly taking it from the Bolovaxian. She held the ring tightly in her hand as she clutched her hands against her chest. "Thank you," she barely managed to choke out.

No one had bothered her for the first twenty-four hours after Kilowog left. Though she also refused to leave their...her room during that time as well. The only one she had let in before had been Rex.

Shayera had just sat at the desk the whole time and looked at the power ring. Had she known that was the last time she was ever going to see or speak to John again she wouldn't have been such a sarcastic smartass when saying goodbye. She would have made the moment more heartfelt and tender.

Shayera carefully folded her arms on the desk in front of her and rested her head on her arms as she clutched the ring again. She closed her eyes, took deep breaths, and resisted the urge to throw or punch something.

"I'd be doing better without people asking me if I'm okay every other second," she began to frown. "John just died five days ago; do you think I'm okay? I just want...need to be alone."

"Shayera that's not healthy and you know it," Clark tried to reason with her. "Rex is worried about you."

"I'll talk to Rex later," Shayera quietly said as she took a deep breath and exhaled. "I don't want to keep talking about it Clark. Just...please...leave me alone."

Clark gave his friend a sympathetic look, "Shayera..."

Shayera ignored him as the door slid shut in front of the Kryptonian.

For the first three weeks after John's death, Shayera had been a mess. Nobody, including herself, ever thought she'd accept the loss of her husband...her best friend...and slowly learn to return to normalcy, or at least something close to it. Little things like waking up and getting out of bed had become a monstrous chore that she'd dread all through the night.

The nights were worse. Shayera hated the silence it brought. She couldn't bear the sound of emptiness and nothingness. Each night was spent mostly sleepless, though she'd drift off into a light and troubled sleep for perhaps two or three hours here and there; just enough to keep her functioning. While she was awake, she'd lie there and just stare at the wall with her eyes that were so tired and dull and absent of any spark that may have been there once. She couldn't bring herself to turn and face the empty mattress that had once been the home of a sleeping, snoring John. She often found herself just laying there during the day, clutching the power ring and his old dog tags she constantly wore on a silver chain.

Loneliness bore into her like a sickness she couldn't escape. Those weeks after John's death were nothing short of hell for the Thanagarian. The anguish she felt was the same as what she felt after the Thanagarian Invasion.

The fourth week came as a surprise. She found herself spending more time daydreaming about John and recalling certain memories and moments they'd shared. Her mind had been stuck on the tragic end of John Stewart, Green Lantern of Sector 2814, and seemed to never move forward or back, forever recounting the events of finding out and the darkness that came after it. But now, although it hurt her chest and stung her eyes, her brain was opening up.

John wouldn't want her to mope around and lose herself once again.

Shayera decided she had to fix things. She was slowly becoming more optimistic than she had been since John's death but she wasn't foolish. She knew that there was no such thing as a quick fix for something like this and each sequence in putting things back together would come in gradual steps that she could only wish to hurry along.

Shayera knew she would never be able to shake the anger and resentment she felt towards Kilowog for abandoning John and the Guardians of Oa for sending him on that mission in the first place but that would be something she'd have to deal with...learn to live with. In the meantime, she'd think only of how she loved John and how fortunate she was to have had him in her life.

Shayera also knew she had to make the most of her life; that's what John would have wanted her to do.

A seemingly new rarity, but a pleasant one, Shayera left her room and made her way to the control deck of the Metro Tower. The hallways were quiet and she was somewhat relieved by that fact.

"You're a pompous, arrogant ass!" Shayera could hear Barda yell as she drew closer to the control deck.

"Like you aren't one yourself!" she clearly heard Batman counter.

"Come on guys don't fight," poor Mareena, always trying to be the peacekeeper.

None of them noticed as the door slid open and she walked in. Terry and Barda were seconds away from fighting as Rex, Mareena, and Kai-Ro were trying to diffuse the situation.

Shayera smirked, "Careful Terry, you might bite off more than you can chew. I'd hate to have to be the one to explain to Bruce why you're in a body cast."

Rex immediately turned around, "Mom?"

Shayera raised an unamused eyebrow, "Don't act so surprised to see me Rex. I do live in the Metro Tower and I am an active member of the Justice League after all." She sat at one of the consoles and began to type. "So what's been going on?" None of them spoke which irritated her. "I asked you all a question."

"Shayera," Mareena said tentatively. "Are you sure you're okay to be back?"

Shayera turned to glare at the Atlantean, "Don't ask me that again. Now I'll ask again. What's going on?"

Rex walked up next to her and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at the screen, "Nothing much, just idiot bad guys doing stupid things. We beat them up and stop them." He looked down at her with a small smile, "You know same old, same old."

Shayera lightly smiled back, some things never changed, "Good, I call dibs on the next mission."

"If you wanna go on any missions you'll have to get past me and the zeta-bots," Rex playfully challenged her. "You took a month off. You're probably rusty."

"Rusty?" Shayera chuckled as she stood, placing her hands on her hips. "Rex, I am going to wipe the floor with you."