Chapter 60
(Phoebe's POV)
Everyone looks at me and I look around. Nathan rushes to me and checks my bare legs. I am still in a dress. "There is no blood, your water definitely broke," he says.
"It's too early," I say and start to panic.
The police are still here talking with Taylor. "Do you want an ambulance," one of the cops asks? Another contraction comes.
I grab Nathan trying to breath. "Bubs, you're going to be okay, we will drive you," My dad says.
"No you need to stay with Henry," I say in a clipped tone because I am in so much pain.
"We will drop Henry off at Ava and Andrew's then come straight to the hospital," my mom says and I look at Nathan who is holding me up.
"Come on, baby let's get you in the car," he says and my dad helps him take me. I slide into the front seat. I have completely soaked through my underwear. Another contraction hits and I grip Nathan's arm.
"Breathe, baby," he says. My dad kisses my head and tells me he will be right behind us.
I start to cry. I am so overwhelmed. Nathan gets in the driver's seat obviously flustered. "Hey hey, baby, don't cry," he says and holds my hand kissing it as he speeds out of the driveway.
"Nathan I am only 35 weeks. The baby is too early, I don't even have a hospital bag," I cry. I am so underprepared.
"I just texted Teddy, Liv is going to come by and pack a bag for you with the stuff we already have, she'll know everything you need," Nathan says and I nod. We are so lucky to have the family we do.
"Is the baby going to be okay? It is too early," I say wiping my eyes.
"We don't know if this is full labor baby. There are things they can do to slow the labor down and keep them in there for a bit longer," Nathan says and I nod.
"If we do have them today then it will be an exciting thing. We will get to meet our baby," Nathan says and I nod trying to think positively.
"We need to call everyone, oh my god your mom just got the news about James. You guys don't need this," I say and wipe my eyes.
"Baby, believe it or not this is exactly what they need. They will be so excited to meet this baby," he says and I try to believe him.
"We didn't get to say goodbye to Henry," I cry as we pull into the hospital lot.
"Bee, he is going to have a blast with Ava. Don't worry about that," he says and I nod. The doctor's come out to the car as another contraction hits. This time I don't hold back the tears. The nurses open the door and usher me into a wheelchair. I grip the sides and try to breathe through the contraction.
"This is Phoebe Moore. She is 35 weeks pregnant and her water broke 15 minutes ago. She is having contractions that are about 5 minutes apart," Nathan says to the nurses. The doctor in him is coming out.
"Okay sir, go park and we are going to admit her," The nurse says. Wait he isn't coming with me. Before I can complain, I am being wheeled away.
I am taken into a room and stripped from my waist down. My modesty has gone out the window. I am just in pain at this point. I look around. Where is Nathan?
"Phoebe, have you had any pregnancy complications?" The nurse asks me.
"No, but I- I had a miscarriage before this pregnancy," I say and the nurse nods.
"Who is your OB?" The nurse asks.
"Stay still for me," another nurse says.
"Dr. Stephanie Greene," I say and wince as the blood pressure cuff squeezes my arm. That pain doesn't hold a candle to the pain I feel in my back and stomach.
"We are laying you back now, put your feet in the stirrups," A male doctor says. Where is Nathan? I close my eyes as he inserts his fingers in me. A cuff is being wrapped around my arm. I focus on the nurse hanging up the IV bags.
"We are swabbing your cervix now," The doctor says and I don't care what he does, I just want my baby to be okay.
"Bee," I hear Nathan's voice and start to cry.
"Hey Bee, it is okay. I am here," He says.
"What is happening," he asks one of the nurses.
"We are preparing her to see Dr. Greene. She is finishing another delivery. She is only 4 centimeters dilated, but it is progressing quickly," The nurse says and Nathan nods.
"We are going to be okay baby," He says.
"Okay, all done," The nurse says.
"Phoebe, we are going to leave you to rest, Dr. Greene should be in momentarily," The nurse says and I nod.
Dr. Greene walks in instantly after. No time to rest I guess. She looks surprised. "Baby Moore already keeping us on our toes," she says and I nod.
"Okay, Phoebe. We tested your swab and your water did break. The nurse said you are about 4 centimeters dilated, but I am going to check. If you are in active labor, I am going to have you deliver the baby today. I think trying to stop the labor would be too risky at this point," Dr. Greene says and panic starts to shoot through me.
We are going to have our baby today or tomorrow possibly. I don't have anything ready. Well the nursery and the car seat and our house are ready. I have all the clothes ready. I guess I am the only one not ready.
I look at Nathan who kisses my forehead. "It's okay," he says.
"Okay, you are just about 4 centimeters dilated. We are going to admit you. I will be back to check on you in a couple of hours. If you need anything don't hesitate to have the nurse page me," she says and I nod.
A patient transport team takes me up to our room. This is the room I will meet my baby in. Everything is so surreal right now. I am going to be bringing a life into this world. I am absolutely terrified.
"Yeah, we just got admitted, we will text you the room number. No she won't be allowed to eat or drink anything," Nathan says. "Okay bye," he says.
"Your parents," he informs me.
"Why won't I be allowed to eat or drink? I am starving," I say.
"In case you need a c-section they won't let you eat or drink. I can get you ice chips," he says and I close my eyes taking a deep breath. I owe my mom a million thank yous for doing this twice.
A nurse comes in who is in her 40s. She has brown hair that is pulled back in a ponytail. She seems very nice. "Hi Phoebe, I am Lori, I am going to be your labor and delivery nurse," she says and I smile.
"I am going to take your vitals," she says and I nod.
"Is this your first?" She asks.
"Yes, we have an adopted son who is 2 at home," I say and she smiles as she takes my blood pressure.
"Congratulations. Do you know the gender?" She asks.
"No we are having it be a surprise," I say and she smiles.
"Phoebe, I am going to change you into your hospital gown. Raise your arms for me," she says. I do and she strips me of my dress. I am left in my maternity bra and that is it. Nathan helps put the hospital gown on.
"I am going to undo the top of your gown and attach these stickers to your chest. These will be keeping track of your vitals," She says and I nod as she hooks me up to the machine.
"I am going to place one more IV" she says and I nod. I give her the other arm that my current IV is not in. I stare at Nathan who gives me his best smile as she inserts the needle. I am attached to this bed whether I like it or not now.
"Okay last thing, we need to get you hooked up to a catheter. So when you are ready I am going to have you lift up your bottom and I am going to slide this pad underneath. This is humiliating. I know Nathan has seen me naked more times than I can count and does this for a living, but I am not here for it.
Nathan is beside me and rubbing my head. "You are doing great," he says. The nurse quickly attaches the catheter. I wince as she does it and squeeze Nathan's hand.
"Now we are in the waiting period, we will check you every 30 minutes or so. Once you get dilated to 10 cm as long as the baby is safe we will push them out," she says and I nod.
"If you need anything just hit this button right here," She says and shows me the call nurse button on my remote.
"Thank you so much, Lori," Nathan says and shakes her hand.
"My pleasure," she says and walks out.
My parents come in shortly after. My dad looks so nervous. I pull the blanket up to cover my thighs. I am cold. "Hi," I say as both my parents come and surround me.
"Hi sweetheart, how are you feeling?" My mom asks.
"I am in some pain, I won't lie," I say and grip the side of the bed as another contraction hits. Nathan helps me lay on my side and massages my back. My whole butt is probably out facing him.
My parents sit in front of me and hold my hands. I look at my dad who is rubbing my hands as the contraction hits full force. Holy shit no one warned me about how painful this is.
Beads of sweat come on my forehead. I feel nauseous as the contraction continues. "Breathe honey," My mom says and pulls my hair out of my face.
"You're doing great, Bee," Nathan says and keeps massaging my back.
"God those hurt," I say and my mom smiles sadly.
"Once you have the baby in your arms it all feels like nothing," My mom says and at this point I don't believe that.
After an hour and two nurse checks, Dr. Greene and some of her students come in. I sit up and breathe. The contractions are horrible. I truly don't know how I am going to get through this. She greets my parents and my mom with a hug.
"Phoebe, since your baby is early I wanted to discuss some things with you," she says.
"Since you are five weeks early, there is a possibility of NICU time. We have a medication in the IV that is helping the development of your baby. We are going to have a NICU nurse present as you push and deliver the baby. I am not too concerned about the development, but we can't be too sure until they are here," she says and my heart sinks.
"Is there anything we can do to slow her labor?" My dad asks.
"Since Phoebe is 2 weeks away from full term and has progressed so quickly no. But like I said I am not too concerned with the baby's health, we do want to be safe rather than sorry though," Dr. Greene says and we nod.
Another contraction hits and Dr. Greene excuses herself. I lean into Nathan's chest and start to cry. "Shhhh, you are doing so great baby," he says. My back feels like someone is taking a metal bat to it.
My dad grabs my hand and holds it. "I am so proud of you, breathe baby," Nathan says and is rubbing my back. This one passes quicker. I redo my hair and put it into a high ponytail.
"What if our baby has to do NICU time?" I ask Nathan. He is sitting on the edge of the bed holding me and rubbing my back.
"We have one of the best NICUs in the country baby, if the baby does have to they will be in the best place for it," he says and I nod. He cups my face in his hands and wipes my eyes.
"Phoebe, why don't you try to sleep Bubs," My dad says. I don't think I could sleep if you paid me, but resting does sound nice.
Nathan lays back the bed and my dad dims the lights. It feels like I have an audience. I can't sleep in this damn bed. It is so incomfortable. How do my patients at the hospital stay there for weeks? I look over at Nathan and sigh. He gives me a sad smile.
"Lay with me?" I ask him. If one person can allow me to feel safe enough to sleep it's him.
"Bee, I want you to be comfortable," he says and I frown.
"Please," I say on the verge of tears. He nods and stands. I scoot over slightly. He sits on the bed and brings his feet up. He lays on his side and wraps an arm around me so I am nestled in his chest. I take a deep breath. This is the most relaxed I have been since being here.
"Sleep baby," Nathan says and is rubbing my neck soothingly. I drift off to an uneasy sleep.
I hear voices and keep my eyes closed. Nathan isn't on the bed anymore. My back is still in excruciating pain. I take a deep breath and try to breathe through this. I know the little bean will be worth it.
"So you think he was paid to do it," I hear Teddy's voice whisper.
"It is possible, it could also be a threat. The police are actively searching for him, he acted under the assumption that the Moore's were in the car," Taylor's voice is through the phone. My stomach drops for the 15th time today.
"What are you guys talking about?" I open my eyes to Liv and Ted, my parents and Nathan in front of me.
"Taylor we will call you back later," my dad says and Nathan rushes to my side.
"Don't worry about that, Bubs. How are you feeling?" My dad asks.
"No tell me, it was about Sawyer what is happening," I say my voice strained because I am in pain.
"Phoebe, I brought you your hospital bag. I went to Target and added some things. I have the oil diffuser going behind you and toiletries all stocked in the bathroom. I also have a sweatshirt and socks if you get cold," she says and I smile thanking her. She leans over hugging me.
"I know it's horrible right now, but you will get through it," she says and I squeeze her hand. I am happy that she is here. She knows exactly what I am going through. I look down and also see that she bought me a fuzzy blanket.
"Please tell me," I say and give Teddy my puppy dog eyes.
"We are thinking James Moore is connected to everything that has happened, the phone call from Claire, Sawyer's accident, and the break ins," Teddy says.
"Theodore," my dad snaps.
"I have a right to know, Dad," I snap more harshly than I mean to. I try to process that. I look at Nathan who looks pissed.
"But how?" I ask.
"He had a group of people in the prison. Pete Sars was arrested for Drug trafficking. It was his car that hit Sawyer, but he wasn't driving. They identified the driver as someone who was working with Pete Sars," Nathan says and tears well in my eyes.
"They hit him because they thought we were in the car," my heart sinks. What if we had been? What if Sawyer had Henry?
"Phoebe, Bee, we can't worry about this right now. The police and Taylor are working on it. We need to focus on our baby, okay?" Nathan says. I hear in his voice he is trying to remain calm.
"But, I," I start to say and my dad cuts me off.
"No one is speaking about this in the hospital room. We are focusing on Phoebe and the baby," My dad says in his authoritative tone.
I take a deep breath and before I can argue another contraction hits. "Breathe," Nathan says and I feel him put a cool ice pack on my back. That feels really nice.
"Ow," I groan in pain.
Everyone is watching me with the same sad look. The nurse, Lori, comes in and says she is going to check me. Everyone clears out of the room so it is just Nathan and I.
"Okay Phoebe, you are 5 centimeters dilated now," she says. I feel her fingers inside me and honestly it worries me how little I care.
"That is it?" I ask and she smiles lowering the gown.
"I know it can feel like forever, but you are halfway there. Progression can be slow with a first baby," she says and I nod. She passes me a cup of ice chips that she brought me.
"Can I get an epidural?" I ask.
"We don't want to give it too soon in case it wears off. I have marked down that you want it. Once you progress more we will do it, okay hun?" She says.
"Thanks," I say. She pats my hand then checks my IV drips. As she leaves my family comes back in.
"Five centimeters," I say, trying not to cry thinking about how long I am going to be in pain.
"Halfway there," Liv smiles and I muster a half smile.
I look at the time and realize it is nighttime. "You all should go home," I say. Everyone starts to say no.
"Look, my labor has slowed. It took me this long to progress another centimeter, by the looks of it nothing is happening tonight. We will have yo keep your ringers on and call if anything changes," I say and they all look at each other.
"I am giving the nurses my cell phone number and Nathan will call me if anything changes. I want you to be able to rest," my dad says. He hugs me so tightly.
"I am so proud of you, Bubs, I love you most," he says and tears well in my eyes.
"I love you too, Grandpa Bubs," I say and he smiles kissing my head.
I hug my mom, Ted and Liv, and my dad again and then once more before they all leave. Once Nathan and I are left alone a contraction hits. Tears roll down my face as I lay on my side burying myself in the pillow. "It hurts so bad," I say my voice clipped.
"I know, Bee, I know. Here," he says and climbs into the bed with me. He rubs my back and massages my lower back. It feels so good, but the pain in my uterus is still shooting.
I start to cry. Really cry. More than I have this entire time I let myself go. I sob into my hands. Nathan holds me to his chest.
"Talk to me, Bee. What is going on, baby?" He asks gently. I know some people lash out at their husbands when they are in labor, but all I want is for Nathan to hold me.
"How am I supposed to do this?" I ask him.
"I have you, Bee. I know it hurts, but by the end of tomorrow our little one will be here," he says and I nod.
"I know, I just don't think I am strong enough," I say and tears roll down my face.
"Hey, look at me," He says and cups my face sitting up.
"You, Phoebe Moore, are the strongest human I know. You have gone through so much and remain positive everyday. You are the best mother to Henry and I know you will be to this baby. We are all so lucky to have you. You don't understand how lucky I feel to have you. If anyone can get through this it is you, my girl," he says and I bury my face in his chest. He is still in his dress shirt and dress pants. His sleeves are rolled up and he looks so hot. I am a gross mess.
"I just want to be done," I say sadly
"I know baby, I wish I could do this for you," he says and I believe him. I love this man with my entire being.
We talk about the baby and he rests with me. We both fell asleep for a while. I wake up to a shooting pain worse than any of the contractions I have had.
"Oh my god," I cry out grabbing the edge of the bed. It literally feels like fire is shooting down my spine.
"What baby? Are you okay?" Nathan asks shooting awake.
"It hurts, it hurts more than any of the other one's Nathan oh my god," I yell. This pain is unbearable. Nathan hits the call nurse button and Lori comes in quickly.
"What's going on?" She asks.
"She is saying it hurts more than any of the other contractions. We were asleep and she woke up in a lot of pain," Nathan says.
"Okay Phoebe, let's see," she says as she puts gloves on. She goes between my legs and I feel her fingers doing the same thing they have done 18 times today.
"Oh wow, okay Phoebe, you are 9 centimeters dilated, hun. I am calling Dr. Greene the team, we will begin pushing here soon," she says and gets on her Vocera and pages people. My heart drops.
"I am not ready," I say as I grip Nathan's hand in pain. Tears fall out of my eyes. It wasn't supposed to be this soon. I am not ready at all. I start to panic. Am I even fit to be a mom? Nathan texts my family.
"Bee, Bee, take a deep breath. You have waited 8 months for this baby, you are ready," Nathan says and I shake my head.
"You are ready, Bee," He says and I beg to differ.
I am so scared right now. A bunch of people are coming in and out. They roll in two beds, one I recognize as a Nicu incubator and one is the regular baby bed. They have NICU nurses in purple scrubs and the nursery nurses in blue. I am so overwhelmed right now.
"Hey, it is okay," Nathan says holding my hand. Another contraction comes and I cry out.
"Please can I get an epidural," I ask Lori.
"Phoebe, you progressed too quickly. You are too far along," she says and now I am really freaking out. I had no intention of doing this naturally.
"No," I say and look at Nathan.
"Hey, you can do this. I am right here, I know you can do this," He says and kisses my forehead.
"It'll be okay," Nathan says.
"Oh fuck it hurts," I say into the pillow.
"Bubs," I hear my dad's voice. They rush in. How the hell did they get here so quick?
"I can't do it," I cry and my dad shakes his head.
"Yes, you can sweet girl. I know you can," My mom says. My dad looks so sad. Fuck it hurts.
"Hi Phoebe, are you ready to have this baby?" Dr. Greene walks in.
"Yes," I say, wiping my tears away. My parents stay facing me as Dr. Greene checks how dilated I am.
"Okay, we are 10 centimeters, Phoebe. We can officially start pushing," she says. More nurses come in. Lori is hooking more stickers up to my chest.
"We will be in the waiting room, call if you need anything okay?" My mom says. My dad is holding my hand tightly. "Christian," she says, trying to get my dad to go. We decided to have it just be me and Nathan in the room while I gave birth.
My dad hugs me tightly. "I love you most, Bubs," he says and I tell him I love him too. My mom hugs me. I see my dad whisper something to Nathan before hugging him.
Once my parents leave it is a frenzy of activity. I am in so much pain I can't even recognize what is going on. My hospital gown is untied and my legs are being spread. Dr. Greene is between my legs.
"Nathan, you can hold her leg," Dr. Greene says. Nathan takes my leg. He already knows how to hold it. I am assuming from his rotation in the OB ward. Another nurse in blue scrubs takes my other leg.
"Okay Phoebe, I am going to tell you when to push. When I say push I want you to bear down. I encourage you to not scream as that takes away some of the force. Keep breathing deeply okay," she says. I have never felt more on display. I can't even see between my legs because of my bump.
"Okay push," Dr. Greene says. I grit my teeth and push as hard as I can.
"1...2...3..4...5, okay good," Nathan is saying in my ear.
"Good job baby," he says and kisses my head. He is watching the entire thing. I am out of breath.
"Oh my god it hurts," I say and The nurse encourages me.
"Again Phoebe, push," she says and I do.
"6...7...8, okay relax," Dr. Greene says.
"You are doing so well Phoebe," Nathan says.
After 10 more pushes like that I am crying. "How much longer?" I say.
"Don't stop, you are doing so good, Phoebe, push for me," I do as hard as I can. I don't make a sound when I push. I am putting everything into it.
"Okay Phoebe, I can see the head," Dr. Greene says. Nathan instantly bends down looking. He smiles and looks up at me.
"They are right there, Phoebe," Nathan says and I grab him so he comes back. Nathan grips my leg tightly and so does the nurse.
All of a sudden anintense burn comes inbetween my legs. "Oh my god, ow it burns holy shit," I yell.
"That is normal, the baby is crowning, okay Phoebe push," Tears roll down my face. Nathan kisses my head as he holds my legs.
"Push," Dr. Greene says again.
"Almost there, keep going, push," Dr. Greene says.
"Come on baby, keep going," I groan as I am pushing. Nathan is holding me and kissing my head.
"One more and then they'll be here," Dr. Greene says.
"Come on Phoebe, push," Lori says. I do. I give everything I have into this last push. I was hunched forward and I collapse back.
The sweetest sound in the entire world fills the room. Our baby's cry. I see the baby for the first time. All covered in mush and crying. "Congratulations, Moore's you have a healthy baby girl," Dr. Greene says.
My gown is undone and pulled down. Our girl is placed on my chest as they wipe her off. Tears are pouring out of my eyes. The nurse is taking pictures.
"Hi sweet girl, hi," I say talking to her as she screams on my chest.
"Daddy, do you want to cut the imbilical cord?" Dr. Greene asks. Nathan nods. I watch in awe as he cuts in. I am holding our girl who is screaming crying.
"Hi baby girl," I say. They are wiping her off as best they can.
"Nathan," I cry and look at him. He is bending down to see her on my chest. I look into his eyes and what I see makes me cry even harder. Nathan is crying.
"Hi baby girl," Nathan says. She is so tiny. Like tinier than I could have ever imagined.
After a couple of minutes they take her from me. "Go with her," I say and Nathan stands over her as they do their work. Dr. Greene is between my legs fixing me up. I am watching in awe.
After Dr. Greene is done, they place me in pads and a diaper looking thing. They change the bedsheets and keep me hooked up to the monitors.
I watch as they roll away the NICU bed. No NICU time for our girl. Thank god. "4 lbs and 13 oz," She is tiny.
"Apgar score 8," I smile. I am watching Nathan wipe his tears away. It makes me cry too.
"Okay mommy," Lori says and picks up our now swaddled girl. She is so tiny. Especially in her swaddle. They put a hat on her bald head too.
"Here, sweet pea," she is placed in my arms and I look down at here. She has the most perfect little lips and eyes.
"Hi sweet girl," I say. I use my finger and stroke her cheek.
"Shhh," I say as she fusses.
Nathan is taking a bunch of pictures of me. I smile for a couple. She is the most precious little bundle of love. I am already so in love with her. Her. Our baby girl.
"Do you want to hold her?" I ask Nathan. He hasn't held her yet. Nathan reaches out and takes her. He looks down at her and it makes me tear up.
"Hi baby girl, it is daddy. I am going to protect you," Nathan says and rocks her side to side. A tear slips down his face. I take a picture of them together. How did I ever get so lucky?
I am in newborn bliss. I am free of pain. "You did that," Nathan says and kisses my head.
"We did it," I say and he smiles.
"I love you," he says and smiles.
Our girl wakes up and is screaming. "Time to try and feed her," Lori says. I do plan on breastfeeding her. Lori helps me undo my gown. Nathan passes her to me. I have never been so comfortable with my boobs out.
"Here sweet girl," The nurse helps me position her. It takes a minute and she is screaming against my boob. All of a sudden she latches on.
"She did it," I say. Nathan laughs and looks over watching. She is silently sucking. I hold her and my boob. The nurse places the nursing pillow we brought under my arm.
She nurses for a couple of minutes before unlatching. I position her up and begin to burp her gently. Nathan is watching in awe. "She is so small," I say. I really didn't realize how small she actually is.
"Our girl," I say. I hold her back in my arms. Nathan is on the bed with me stroking her cheek.
"She is not Nora," I say. I look at her little button nose and perfect lips. Her cheeks are the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
"I know she isn't," Nathan says.
We discuss for a few minutes before settling on a name. It is perfect for her.
"Can your family come in now?" The nurse asks. I nod and smile. Nathan is next to me. We have her in the swaddle we brought. It is black with white swirls. It is the sweetest little thing. She has a white hat on.
"Bubs," my dad says and rushes over. He kisses my head and looks at our girl. I smile and show them the baby. My dad reaches out and I pass her to him. He has tears in his eyes. That makes me start to tear up.
"Is it a boy or girl?" My mom asks. She already is crying. She is stroking our girls head. Seeing my dad with my daughter is something I have always dreamed about. I am getting emotional now.
I smile at Nathan.
"Nana and Bubs, Meet your granddaughter, Sawyer Rose Moore."