Chapter 60 Chapter notes

Bella still isn't finished with Edward. He returns to find a different Bella than the one he left sobbing on her doorstep.

The chapter title belongs to The Animals

Chapter 60 Please Don't Let me be Misunderstood Thursday, November 2nd

Bella pulls away from me and takes a deep breath. "I'm going upstairs for a bath. Can you find out anything about what's going on in La Push?" She narrows her eyes at me. "And when I'm done, will you still be here?"

I wince. "Yes, Bella. I'll still be here. And I'll call Jacob's house." I offer to carry her up but she turns her back and walks up on her own. I understand why she's acting this way, so I don't say anything and just let her work through it. It's my fault, after all, and I'm not so naïve that I think a couple of kisses means she's shed the baggage she's carrying around due to my defection and harsh parting words.

There is only one way forward for both of us, and that's together. Hand in hand. Glee overtakes me when I remember what I've got in the Volvo. I race out and paw through a box of stuff in the backseat, coming up with a small tin of keepsakes that I'd inherited from my mother. The diamond ring that I'd had sized to fit Bella rests in its original box of blue velvet.

I'd planned to propose weeks ago, but circumstances had stood in the way. I don't know if Bella's Quileute blood stands in our way, and I don't care. We'll work it out, somehow. I pocket the ring box and dash back into the house.

I wonder how Bella would feel if I burst in on her bath and fell to my knees, ring in hand, possibly as she was shampooing her hair, and decide that she'd probably want to be clothed when I propose. Instead, I call Jacob's house, and he answers on the third ring, sounding disturbed and a little breathless.

"Jacob, hi. It's Edward. What happened? Is there anything that I can do?"

It sounds like he sits heavily. With a sigh, he tells me about the attack, that the doctor, his wife and son-in-law were killed by Victoria, but she spared the little girl.

"House, blood from one end to the other," he says in a shaky voice. "The Doc's daughter, Lisle, was hysterical. Screaming mad hysterical." He takes a deep breath. "Victoria told the Doc that she'd fed on Henry, and that the blood had made her sick. And the Wolf that bit her was actually Brady, but she said he swallowed the chunks he bit out. He's a wolf, now, Edward. Not a shapeshifter. Nobody even knew that was possible."

"When did she do this?" I ask. "Right before she appeared on E Street?"

"Yeah. Dr. Pierce was alive when Billy and I got there, right after we left you on the street. He told us what she'd said, and then died before they could get him in the ambulance."

I tell him to call either me if there's anything we can do to help. "The Council will want to see me, because I not only came back after they had banished us, but I came onto Quileute land, in violation of the treaty. I expect I'll be getting a call any minute."

We hang up and I go into the kitchen to find Bella something to eat. Her phone is sitting on the counter in a brown puddle. The cup the held the liquid, presumably, lies on its side in the coffee-spattered sink. I don't touch it.

After poking around in the refrigerator, I come up with a dish of something that has meat and beans in it. A tentative sniff makes me think it's something Mexican.

I put the entire dish in the microwave and spin it for one minute, but it's still cold when I stick a finger in. I'm still doing this when I look up to see Bella standing in the doorway, combing out her hair. She's watching me. "Did you get Jacob on the phone?"

"Yeah."

The microwave dings and Bella gives me a questioning look.

"Ah, I was trying to make you something to eat. This here," I pull out the dish, "looks…edible. I think. See if it's hot enough."

She disregards the chili and gives me a level look. I tell her about the massacre, that Victoria was responsible.

"Oh my god," she gasps, as she falls into a chair. She looks up at me. "Is there anything we can do?"

"What, like boil water?" She glares at me. It must have sounded harsh, but death is death. Something Bella has had little to no experience with. I soften my expression and drop to my knees in front of her chair. "Jacob said he'd call if they needed any assistance. I think we have to accept that."

I stand up and hand her the chili dish. She takes it and says, "It probably needs a couple more minutes." I put it back in the microwave and set the timer. As it spins, Bella picks up her phone and drops it in the trash, then wipes down the counter. She looks up at me and says, "Charlie asked me about your family. Maya had said something bad to him about us dating. I guess a while back he'd gone out to your house for some reason. He was shocked when he saw the expensive cars in the garage, and how weird it was that your family was so inhuman-looking. He said that he'd timed Alice as she crossed and uncrossed her legs. Every twenty seconds."

I'm not really surprised. The Chief didn't rise to his position by sitting on his hands. "He wanted answers that I couldn't give him, and then got mad and threw his coffee cup in the sink. It winged my phone on the way."

"I called and left messages everywhere," I say. "Your phone, his phone," I pause and look at the wall. "That phone." The message light blink blink blinks. Bella clicks the button and the metallic voice says, You have thirteen new messages.

We listen to them grow more and more frantic. When they're done, she looks up, mouth open in dismay. "I was here! After school. I didn't check."

I wonder what the outcome of this day would have been if she had heard my messages? We could have met up and Charlie wouldn't have been injured, but what about Victoria? Would she have quietly gone mad by herself in a tree? Would this day have ended in a completely different way?

Bella pulls a can of Coke out of the refrigerator and falls into a chair. After an additional three minutes, the meat and bean substance is indeed hot enough for her to eat.

"What goes with this dish?" I ask, as I spoon some into a bowl. I don't have any idea.

"Crackers. Cornbread. Sour cream. Cheese. But it's okay like it is." She looks at me. "It's chili, Edward."

I nod. Chili. I should have known; Mexican, with beef crumbles and beans. "Where did you go, after you left?"

As she eats, I sit across from her and tell her about my trip to the Valley of the Sun, the equipment that I bought, all the wonders that I'd seen.

"I visited all the stuff around Flagstaff, but I bought the camera after visiting the Grand Canyon. If there's a place in the world where a phone pic is totally inadequate, it's the Grand Canyon."

"I've never been," she says. "Renee always wanted to go up there, but we never made it."

"The family bought a house in Alaska and wanted me to go with them, but I needed to see your desert."

Bella thinks for a moment as she stirs her chili. "What did you think?"

"It was beautiful. I can't wait to show you all the pictures that I took. What I can't show you is the virtual scrapbook that I made. It's just you, every image, every gesture, every smile, in every situation. I would sit during the long days and just flip through all the pics, and then I'd pretend."

She swallows and her brow furrows. "You'd pretend?"

"I pretended you were with me and we'd go on marvelous adventures. Every morning, I would make love to you and then we'd be off to National Parks, sightseeing, Disneyworld, nightlife, stargazing, all over the country. It was the only way that I could cope."

Bella's chili sits forgotten. I motion for her to eat and she hesitantly takes another spoonful. "Something weird happened when I was on that road trip. It happened in Arizona."

"What? What happened in Arizona?"

"I suddenly realized that, although I'm not human, I'm still part of the larger human community. You made me see that, Bella." I frown. "I was ashamed of the amount of wealth that my family enjoys. Well, in actuality, we only enjoy a small part of it. The rest just keeps growing. It's indecent. So I called our attorney in Seattle and gave it all away."

"It was you!" Her face is alight with wonder and maybe, a little bit of pride.

"How did you know about it?"

"It was all over the TV. Radio shows did programs on it and newspapers ran articles about the different foundations that the 'mysterious benefactor' had funded. Every time the story ran, the announcer would say, or it would be on the screen, 'if you wish to make a contribution, please email, text or call the Gold Foundation'. And there would be contact info. Why the Gold Foundation?"

I'm surprised. I hadn't heard that. "I guess my attorney came up with that one."

"And why did you want to remain anonymous? Didn't you want to take credit for what you'd done?"

I shake my head quickly. "No, no, I didn't want any credit. I made a mistake with the Quileute, I think. I gave them money before I left, with a huge list of things that could improve the reservation, but they could have figured out all of that by themselves. They didn't need me telling them they needed a bed and breakfast, after all."

"So you're the one. Jacob and I have been noticing all kinds of repairs and stuff going on over there."

"I'm sure they know what they want to accomplish," I say, happy that they're using the money to improve the reservation.

"How much?" Bella asks, as she takes another bite of her now-cold chili.

"Oh, half a million."

She blinks a few times and whispers, "Half a million. How much money does your family have?"

I shake my head. "A few billion less than when I made that first call to Jenks," I say with a sad smile. "I thought it would make me feel better, but without seeing or hearing about the immediate effects, it didn't seem real."

"It was real to the people that you helped. One program was dedicated to kids that age out of state care. They don't have anybody to turn to, you know, to help them get an apartment or enroll in school. They're all alone and on their own, when they're just eighteen."

"What did the program do for them?" I ask.

"It's called 'Step Up', and it's staffed with what they call 'Section Chiefs'. They're placed based on population. These Chiefs have access to records, so they know who needs help. They pair the kids on the list with what they call a 'facilitator', who is a volunteer that has been trained to join the recipient with any public programs that exist, like Pell grants or stuff like that. There's also a provision for needy recipients to receive a small stipend to help them get a car.

"The program bought up a bunch of buildings and the people live there, rent free, while they save money to get a start. It was amazing. There was a show on TV about it."

I let this information sink in. It had really helped people. Real people. It wasn't just an academic exercise, it was funds and programs directed at people in need, and they had benefited.

Bella squeezes my hand and looks up at me through a fringe of dark lashes. "You would make love to me? In your fantasies?"

"Um, yeah." I stroke her hand and goose bumps rise up on her flesh. "They were getting more and more intense, and lasting for longer and longer. I'd just drive, all day long, and imagine us roaming around the country, going to National Parks and restaurants. Shopping, hiking, making love..." My voice softens at the end as I remember the sounds that she'd made as I nudged her legs apart and felt her flesh wrapped around me.

"We were in North Carolina, hiking at the Great Smoky Mountains National Park, when I woke up. One minute, lying beside you in bed. Next, looking up at an institutional ceiling and realizing I'd been in that same spot for over five weeks."

Bella's spoon hovers over her chili, but she's motionless.

I gesture to Bella's chili bowl and she just stirs absently. "All I knew was that I had to feed right away and there was a dense forest right behind the motel. I realized when I'd run in that they were western red cedar. I sat in that forest and for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I felt my strength returning, and the whole of the future opened up before me. And I knew what I had to do."

"Yesterday?"

"Yeah. Well, Libby, Montana isn't like Forks. The sky was a brilliant blue and I couldn't even get out of my room to hunt for hours. Then I spent the day in the forest."

Bella thinks about this for a moment. "Why not come straight home?"

"I hadn't fed in over five weeks, Bella. I was shaky. It took some time for the blood to fully integrate into my systems. I didn't feel like myself for hours."

"Did you know that could happen?"

"Carlisle told us that when he was a newborn, he'd tried to destroy himself. He'd gone for a month without feeding, and said that it had made him feel weak. Since I hunt regularly, I'd never thought much about it. Now I know what he meant.

"After I checked out, I drove for a while, then had to stop and hunt again. The more I ran, the better I felt. Then the highway was shut down in Tacoma and again in Seattle. I came by here but you were at school. When I was at the gas station, I caught Victoria's scent. I followed the trail she'd left and it led me to the reservation. I was looking for her when you pulled up in front of Jacob's house."

"You made love to me?" she says again. "In your trance, or whatever it was?" Her voice is small but she meets my eye, wanting to hear my answer. Maybe she's forgiven me. I decide to tell her.

"Every morning and every night, Bella." I pull her to stand and then sit her on the counter. She spreads her legs and I move in, my body only inches from hers. Our foreheads touch. Venom fills my mouth to overflowing and I pull back, swallowing repeatedly. I reach behind her to open the kitchen window and pull several breaths of clean air into my lungs. "In my fantasies, I'm always human, Bella, so I can't hurt you."

I step back and hang my head. "When you lost consciousness after the Wolf attack, I had your blood all over me. I nearly lost control, there in the middle of the street. Maya called Jacob to get me away from you. That's why I wasn't there when the ambulance left."

"Is that my blood, shining in your eyes?"

My mouth falls open in shock. "My eyes aren't glowing red? Are they?" I look around for a mirror, and remember that there's an antique one hanging in the unused dining room. I dash in, and I'm horrified to see a narrow red circle around each iris.

I walk back into the kitchen. Bella eyes me speculatively. "Did you feed on me when I was unconscious, Edward Cullen?"

"No! No, I…I licked your blood off of my hands." The shameful admission nearly cripples me but her expression remains unchanged.

"And what if I told you, right here and right now, that being with you is too much work? 'I don't want you anymore, Edward, because I never know if you're going to snap and kill me for the blood that runs through my veins. It's too much work.'"

I'm stunned. "Bella—"

She dashes away tears with the back of her hand. "No, wait. I love you, Edward. Your words didn't change the way that I felt about you, they changed the way I felt about myself. If you had told me the truth from the outset, I would have been devastated, but I would have let you go, knowing that we'd done our best, but that it wasn't good enough. I could have moved on with my life. Instead, I was stuck in this weird limbo, not able to move forward. Stuck."

I smell the 'fight or flight' hormone racing through her bloodstream. I'm sure these are things that she'd planned on saying to me if I ever showed my face again.

I fall into a chair and say the things that I'd planned on saying if I ever showed my face again. "I'm sorry. I was so devastated by the Quileute's revelation that I wasn't thinking properly." Bella narrows her eyes at me, as if it's impossible for me, as an Immortal, to be confused or unsure of my path forward.

"Imagine if was you, I say. They threaten Charlie's life if you don't leave me, and you know that if you tell me why, I'll just fall apart. It will be an awful, terrible, tearful scene." I throw my hands in the air. "God, I was horrified, Bella! I love you! I have loved you almost from the moment that I first laid eyes on you!"

Bella takes my cold hand in her warm one. She doesn't say anything and just lets me talk. "I tried to do the best that I could for you. I knew that it was hurtful and cruel. I just wanted you to move on and not look back."

Bella's heart is thrumming in her chest and I don't smell fear. I smell anger. Determination. Her eyes are round and she's taking deep breaths to calm herself, but she has a glint in her eye. She means business.

"You weren't thinking properly? You?" She bites her lip, but not in a worried way, and edges off the counter. "Did you fight for the right to stay? Did you lay out the reasons you shouldn't leave, like the fact that Victoria was still out there? That she knew where Charlie and I live?" Her voice is gaining intensity. "Did you tell the Quileute any of this?" Shouting now.

"I didn't." The admission is shameful, but true. "I never wanted you to walk away from your human life because of me, and the Indians gave me the excuse I needed to achieve that goal. I didn't realize that…" I look up at Bella, leaning against the counter, arms crossed, waiting for me to explain myself.

I get up from my chair and walk until I'm standing right in front of her. "I didn't realize that something has happened between us. No matter what, we have to be together. Like you said when we first met and I wanted you to walk away, 'it's too late'. Too late to turn back, Bella."

She looks up at me. "So I can trust you now? You said before that you'd never leave me, and you did, without giving me the whole story, I guess because I'm 'human' and not able to understand the larger implications."

"Yes, you can trust me. I promise. No, that seems like too simple of a word. I vow to never again leave your side. No matter what." When our eyes meet, she's not crying, but staring at me intently.

"Bella, please forgive me. I promise that I'll never let you down again."

She nods slowly and then turns around and falls onto my shoulder. I know what it must have cost her to say those things, and I am struck by how much she's matured since I've been away. It fills me with pride that she would stand up for herself, but I can see from her actions that she's in a fragile place. Because of me.

But it's very clear that the girl I'd left behind is now a woman, and the tactics that I'd used with her are no longer viable. From now on, we'll face things together, with total truth. There's no other option.

I carry her back to the couch. She lays with her arm over her eyes as I hold my hand over her bandage.

"What are our plans?" The words are muffled but I hear them loud and clear.

"Bella, sit up," I urge.

I give her a hand and she sits, looking exhausted. I pull the blue velvet ring box from my pocket and hold it in my outstretched palm. I look into the liquid brown eyes and smile. "Bella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"

Her lip trembles as she takes the box. Our eyes meet and hers shine with unshed tears. With a fingertip, she nudges the corner of the box and it springs open, revealing the ring that my father presented to my mother when he asked her to be his wife.

Bella's lips are parted in awe. I take the ring and hold it. Wordless, she extends her left hand. "If you accept this ring, then you accept me," I say seriously. "For all time."

She nods. "I've never wanted anything else." I slip the ring onto her finger and she stares at it. It really is very beautiful. Three flawless diamonds in a platinum band setting.

"Will you be my wife?" I say, as I pull her close to me for a kiss.

"You really mean it this time?" she asks, her face drawn in concern. "Your 'conscience won't get in the way of our happiness? And what if we can't work around the fact that I'm part Quileute?"

Before I can answer, she rears back with a frown. "You told me I had the sweetest-smelling blood you'd ever come across. How can that be if I'm part Quileute? Wouldn't that make my blood, and me, for that matter, smell bad to you?"

I sit back on my heels, stunned. Through all the mess I'd been through, from being accused of breaking the treaty, being banished, not being able to take Bella with me, I had never thought of that. Once I'd been on the road, I focused on anything but the last conversation that Carlisle and I had with the Indians. But she's right.

She's right.

"Do you remember that kid that was in our Biology class last year named Peter?" I ask. "Sat in the back, had black glasses and always wore the same clothes every day?"

Bella nods thoughtfully and I continue. "He was part-Quileute. I heard him thinking about this. His family didn't live on the reservation because he was only Quileute on his mother's side, and she had an extremely dilute bloodline. It had caused some kind of a problem for them."

"And?" Bella says, as if I can suddenly say something to make this convoluted story make sense. "He smelled like rancid bacon to me, Bella. Didn't you ever wonder why I let him go ahead of us when the bell rang? Why I never stood behind him in line in the cafeteria?"

"I never thought about it," she says. "But really? He smelled bad to you?"

"It wasn't the same wet-dead-dog smell that emanates from all the full or half Quileutes, but still awful. I get nothing like that from you. Not a whiff of anything close."

"And if it turns out that the Council still won't let you stay, what will we do?"

"I will convince them. Billy Black saw what happened in front of his house. His son destroyed Victoria and she was the threat, all along.

"And if it turns out that the Council still won't let you stay, what will we do?" she says again, with emphasis, because I haven't answered the question.

"I'm never parting from you again, Bella. Never. The Council doesn't know where my family is, and if I'm threatened, we'll just disappear. Then they can do whatever they want. It'll turn into an urban legend, anyway. But to answer your question, if we're not allowed to stay and they still forbid us to be together, we'll show them this." I hold up her left hand.

"Soon there will be a wedding ring on this hand. Legally, we'll be husband and wife. Would they force us to part then?"

Bella takes a few deep breaths. Her heart is thrumming, absolutely filling the kitchen with her scent. I try to keep the grimace off my face as my core begins to tighten. "I will marry you, Edward. I will accept you, forever," she says, as I edge near the window to open it. "But I'm still not sure that I can give my heart to you again, the way I did before. I handed it to you and you trod on it. It is still bleeding. I'm not sure it will ever properly heal."

"What can I do to convince you?" I ask. Her wide brown eyes are troubled.

"I want to trust you," she whispers fiercely. "I want you back in my life! I want you everyday for the rest of forever! But how do I know that you won't WALK OUT ON ME AGAIN?" She purses her lips to try to keep the tears from falling, but fall they do.

"Marry me, Bella. And I promise that I'll show you wonders that you never even imagined. Whether you're human or Immortal, I'll show you the world. I'll make love to you every morning and every night, and we'll walk and hike and shop, just like in my fantasies."

She nods, first slightly and slowly, as if she's trying to figure something out, then faster and then her nods signal a yes. And I breathe a sigh of relief. Because without Bella, my existence means exactly nothing.

I feel that thing again, in my chest, as if I might begin to cry. We hold each other for a long moment. When we break apart, Bella says, "When do you want to do it?"

It takes me a moment to understand when she says 'do it', she means get married, not have sex. I chuckle. "Let's talk to my family and get Charlie out of the hospital. A month, maybe?"

"Okay," she says thickly. I sit back on my heels. "Could you find me a clean shirt? I need to take a quick shower. Then I'll take you back to the hospital to see what's up with Charlie."

The hours drag by. We sit in the waiting room, waiting. While Bella is in the bathroom, I hear the one voice that is guaranteed to give me relief.

"Hi, son."

I look up and see Carlisle, standing in the doorway. He's wearing a white coat and has a stethoscope around his neck.

"Carlisle." I give a huge sigh and we briefly embrace. "I can't thank you enough for coming. How did you get here so quickly?"

"Got a seat on standby and had a helicopter waiting at Sea Tac. What happened?"

At vampire speed, I tell him where I'd been, the weird trance I'd fallen into, and finally about Victoria's attack in front of Jacob's house and over on Sycamore Row.

Bella walks in, unwrapping a candy bar. When she sees him, she drops her bag. "Carlisle! What are you doing here?" She moves in for a hug. He smiles at me over her shoulder.

"Hello, Bella. Edward called me and I flew down to see if I could assist with Charlie's surgery and recovery. I actually just got here. Dr. Lund is working on the repair. Charlie has significant damage to his shoulder, but after a long convalescence and some physical therapy, he should make a full recovery."

"Thank you," she says. Relief is written all over her face.

I pick Bella's bag up and hand it to her. "When will he be out of surgery?"

"It will be a few hours yet. I stepped out because I heard your voice and had to see you." He had a ruptured spleen and lost quite a bit of blood. I think he's going to recover but these types of wounds are devastating to the body. Take Bella home, Edward. I'll let you know about Charlie.

My resolve to be totally honest with Bella is immediately challenged, but I don't waver. "Carlisle, will you please tell Bella what you just thought? We're not going to protect her anymore. We're telling her the truth, every bit of it, no matter how painful."

He winces but nods his head slightly, and tells Bella exactly what I'd heard in his thoughts. She blanches. "Are you telling me we're not sure if he will recover? That he might die?"

"Yes, Bella. I think he'll pull through, but in our efforts at transparency, that is the truth. His heart stopped twice in the ambulance and he was in critical condition when they wheeled him in. Remember, though, that Charlie is in the prime of his life. He's fit and active. Not overweight, nor does he suffer from a chronic condition such as diabetes or asthma. I give him a ninety percent chance of at least a partial recovery."

"Partial?" Her voice is panicked.

"I'm not certain he will be able to continue as Chief of Police. We'll have to wait and see how he does with physical therapy."

Jesus, Carlisle! I say, too low for Bella to hear.

Truth, Edward. It's about time that you embraced the idea that 'protecting' Bella was never a good strategy. He raises his eyebrows meaningfully.

Bella takes a few deep breaths. She looks stunned. "I'd like to call Renee. Can I use your phone, Edward?"

Carlisle and I glance at each other. He licks his lips as I hand Bella my phone. She goes out to make her call and after she's gone, I ask if he's heard anything more about what happened in La Push.

"Literally just got here not five minutes ago," he says.

I shake my head. "All I heard was a single name: Julius. It was on the very edge of town. But from the buzz, it sounded serious." I look away from my father and then back. "I didn't stay to hear more. I just wanted to get here. When I took Bella home, I got Jacob on the phone and he told me what had happened."

We stand in silence for a moment. Carlisle's mouth is set in a grim line. He's thinking about Dr. Pierce. Late fifties, trim, tall, neatly dressed with his shining salt and pepper hair pulled back into a braid. Cigarette in his mouth. In every image that Carlisle conjures, the man is smoking a cigarette.

"You may not have met him, but you've heard of his daughter." I raise my eyebrows and he says, "Remember that woman that Chief Littlefoot said Bella was related to? Hogwash, really, as if she's Ephraim Black's descendant, then she's related to every member of that bloodline. Her name is Lisle James."

I tell him about all of Victoria's infirmities. "She couldn't tell that if she was sitting or standing. I think the pain of the injuries and the stress of the situation may have also played a part in her demise."

He pulls me into a proper hug. After he releases me, he begins to think about Alaska, a woman named Bree, an explosion, and Alice, incommunicado.

"Yeah, Emmett said something about that. How weird is it that we both suffered from a trance-like sleep?"

After her friend's death, she took to her bed and stopped talking. Is that how it happened with you?

"No," I say. "I remember driving and getting more and more involved in fantasies that involved Bella and me. They would last all day. I imagined us together, doing all sorts of stuff. I woke up in Montana on Wednesday morning with no immediate memory of how I'd gotten there."

Even though it's been just a couple of days for Alice, you can imagine how affected Jasper has been, but he hasn't had a lapse.

"A couple of days?"

Carlisle nods. "The water heater blew on Wednesday morning. Demolished the house." He pictures it, and I am shocked at the magnitude of the destruction. Windows broken, walls crumbled, glass on every surface. A total loss.

There's so much sadness. I feel guilty all over again for abandoning my family. I should have been with them.

I voice this regret and Carlisle says, "No, son, we don't blame you. We all have our own path." He thinks for a moment. "It's odd, though. Through it all, each of our paths led us back here." He smiles sadly. "They led us back home."