"The name of this game is Karnoffel," Count Friederick told Marian, shuffling a deck of cards. "It is a true Bavarian game of chance. I hope you will find it exhilarating."
"Karnoffel," Marian repeated, taking a sip of wine. "Does that mean anything?"
Count Friederick smiled, his eyes wicked. "It means hernia."
"Oh! Sounds painful," Marian jested back.
Robin stood frowning, arms folded across his chest. His gang had all gone to bed, which is where he wanted to be, not because he was tired, but because he wanted to romance and pleasure his wife, to make love to her unselfishly this time. But Marian, unaware of his intentions, seemed pleased to be sipping wine and learning some foul sounding card game with her friend the count.
"May three play?" she asked.
Count Friederick's eyes gleamed, thinking of a naughty joke. But he answered her, "It is better with three! Come, Robin Hood! Lady Marian insists!"
His temper foul, Robin sat with them at the card table. "It's Lady Locksley," he reminded the count, through clenched teeth. He noticed the count did not offer him any wine.
"Karnoffel, as I said, is a game of chance," the count explained. "I deal each of us five cards, face down except for one. Ah, ah, ah!" he warned Marian, teasingly. "Do not peek!"
She giggled, and Robin realized that the wine was making her giddy. The count was being overly diligent, he thought, refilling her goblet.
The count continued explaining the game's rules. "The lowest card's suit is trump, meaning it always wins. Ace is high, deuce low. Ah! Robin Hood's four of spades is lowest, so spades is trump this round. Now you may look at your hand," he told Marian.
She lifted her left hand and looked at it. "Isn't my ring beautiful?" she asked, as if about to weep.
Robin felt a foot rub up his calf muscle, under the table. At first he thought it was Marian and was pleasantly surprised, but since it almost instantly pulled away, he realized it had been the count! He knew that undersized German had mistaken his leg for Marian's, then quickly realized his error and pulled away his foot.
"Put your boot back on," Robin warned. "You better not try that anymore, or anything else under the table, or you'll be missing a digit so small it's practically nonexistent."
"Then why so threatened, Robin Hood? Look! My hands are here, holding my cards," the count assured him.
"Don't be so gloomy," Marian told Robin, giggling again. "Look at my husband," she said to the count. "Isn't he handsome, even when he's grumpy?" She looked at her wine goblet and frowned. "I thought I drank that."
"You did," Robin told her. "He keeps refilling it. I've think you've had enough for tonight."
"Don't be a spoilsport. How do we play this hernia game?"
The count was happy to turn Robin's attention away from vengeance, and toward the game. "The object is to collect three rounds, to win. See! I turn over a card from the deck, and you see whether you can play...any card with the same value, such as playing a queen on a queen, or any card of the same suit. If you have nothing, you must pass. The player with the highest value wins the hand. Remember, spades are trump, they win over anything else."
"What if someone plays a heart, and someone else a similar diamond?" Robin asked.
"The order is, for this round, spades, hearts, diamonds, and lastly clubs. Ready? Let us begin."
Robin thought the game a waste of time, but being competitive by nature, he was determined to beat the count.
Marian seemed to have no clue as to how to play. "I feel stupid," she giggled, reaching for her wine goblet, which Robin moved out of her reach. "Can you say the rules again?"
"I will help you," Count Friederick told her. "Here. Show me your cards. We shall play together."
Somehow, his simple statement seemed filled with double meaning. Robin, holding his cards in his left hand, pulled out his Irish knife with his right, tossed it lightly into the air, then caught it by its handle.
"Let me try that," Marian said, uninterested in the game. "I can do it, too."
Robin resheathed his knife. "Not tonight, you can't."
"Shall we play?" the count asked.
"Look at that scowl," Marian said, smiling at Robin. "Let me kiss it away."
"Perhaps she is unused to German wines," the count mentioned. "We can play tomorrow."
"I need to learn more about Aggstein, and other Austrian strongholds," Robin told him. "I'm here to rescue my king, not fritter away my time playing children's games."
"Morning is the time for business," the count explained. "Nights are meant for pleasure. Life is short, Robin Hood. You must learn to savor it."
"Life is short, for people who are starving. Or for those who face execution for minor crimes. Why should I make time for pleasure, when my king and his countrymen suffer?"
"You are passionate. My apologies, Robin Hood. Tomorrow, I promise, we work. And now, I bid you goodnight." Taking one of Marian's hands, he kissed it. "Until tomorrow," he said, looking longingly into her eyes. "One night will seem a thousand years, away from your beauty."
"You're funny," she said, giggling.
"And you're beautiful."
"And married," Robin added. Drunk as well, he thought, thanks to you, you undersized, oversexed player.
With his arm around Marian's waist to steady her, Robin guided her back to their quarters. There was a cheerful fire in the grate, the bed had been turned back, and a huge bouquet of red roses greeted them. Noticing more wine, Robin quickly placed it outside, in the corridor.
Marian threw herself face down on the bed, then rolled over onto her back. "Mmm, this wonderful bed!" she said.
"Do you need help, removing your things?" Robin asked her, gently.
She giggled again. "You wanna undress me? I like that. You think I didn't enjoy what happened between us today, but you're wrong. It was very exciting."
She kicked her foot, making one slipper fly across the room. "Whoops!" she said. "Watch out for flying shoes. Maybe we can trebuchet them over the walls when we storm Aggstein Castle. Oh, that's right. We're going to sneak in as monks instead." She smiled amorously. "Don't be a monk, my beautiful beautiful husband. Come here and love me."
This was not the way Robin envisioned this night to be, but how could he refuse her? She was the most beautiful, the most precious person in the world to him. He quickly removed his clothing, but by the time he was naked, Marian was already asleep.
Carefully, he undressed her down to her chemise and tucked her into bed. Climbing in beside her, he kissed her forehead, took her in his arms, sighed in hot frustration, and wished her goodnight.