NOTE: I'm honestly surprised I've made it to 60 chapters of a story about fictional characters reacting to a parody about other fictional characters. Thinking about it really makes me thankful for all the support you've guys given me up to this point. I wouldn't have made it to this point without you guys and for that I'm thankful. Add the fact that this fic has over 400 favorites and follows is another thing I want to thank you guys for. Thank you for giving this weird ass reaction fic a shot and dealing with my writing. I do hope you guys give my other stories a shot and look forward to anything else I write in the future, whether it be another reaction fic or something else entirely.
Also, do I ship Erza and Goku? Kinda. I read a fic about the two of them and found the idea nice. Though it wouldn't happen here, since Goku and Chi-Chi are married. I don't like harems at all.
Anyway enjoy the chapter and review.
Chapter 60: Super Android 13
(cut to the mountains outside of Dr. Gero's lab during the episode "Dr. Gero or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Androids". The dialogue is faintly heard.)
ANDROID 17: (offscreen) Howdy folks! I'm Android 13, look at mah trucker hat!
DR. GERO: (offscreen) I was going through a phase!
"Are we rewatching an episode? Pretty sure we've already seen this," Lisanna asks her sister.
"Hmmm...no. Pretty sure it's set to only go forward and not backwards," Mira responds.
ANDROID 18: (offscreen) Well, let's say we open him up and get to know our new friend.
DR. GERO: (offscreen) Don't you dare! (cut to Dr. Gero inside the lab) I am your master and you will do what I say!
ANDROID 17: I... I'm sorry... could you repeat that? I think the ear thing's back.
DR. GERO: I said I am your master and you will do what I- (Android 17 impales him the chest with his hand)
ANDROID 17: Sorry, doc. (decapitates Dr. Gero with a kick, with his head rolling towards Krillin) Just following orders.
DR. GERO: (as his head stops directly in front of a whimpering Krillin) So... could one of you possibly spare one of those Senzu-
(cut to Android 17 smashing the head of Dr. Gero and everyone minus Trunks looking appalled. Android 17 smiles. Dr. Gero's oil/blood leaks into a crack on the floor leading down to the sub-lab. The episode "Blood, Sweat and Gears" continues from there as Android 17 begins to walk towards Android 18)
KRILLIN: (offscreen) So does this mean they're on our side?
"Nope," Happy answered.
(Trunks yells and Krillin screams, as the shot stops at Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Well, guess it's a good thing I backed myself up into the super-computer. Have to thank Wheelo for that.
"Wheelo wasn't a fan of the whole brain inside of a computer thing and how did you even manage to do that?" Levy questions.
"It's like the brain inside of a jar thing. He has no idea on how," Lily said.
DR. GERO: Now, what to do with the twins going rogue... How is progress with Plan B?
(cut to Cell as an embryo, clearly not ready to be released yet.)
CELL: (makes a little squirming moan)
Each of the Dragon Slayers felt a slight chill that nobody else in the audience seemed to have noticed.
(Cut back to the super-computer)
DR. GERO: That's another 17 years out, at least. (cut to three pods holding the new androids for this movie) Ugh... Well, guess it's time for Plan C…
"More androids? Just how unprepared was Trunks?" Jellal asks, shaking his head in disbelief.
(the TeamFourStar logo materializes and the words "Team Four Star presents" appear as "Dueling Banjos (Orchestra Cue)" plays. Fade to an icy background as the words "Android 13" appear on screen before the title "SUPER Android 13" crashes on the screen as footage from the movie plays behind it)
"I thought the Android 13 thing was just a one-off thing. Surprised to see that Gero was serious about it," Freed said.
(cut to the city as pedestrians walk about in their everyday lives. Cut to the mall where Goku (holding a stack of packages) and Gohan (right in front of Goku and holding bags ride an escalator to Chi-Chi, fighting with other women to grab at some items)
"Aw! A little family outing," Mira said. The Barstress mentally planned a little family shopping trip with her siblings after this.
Rogue looked confused at the scene. "Didn't this start with them facing the Androids? Why are they shopping?"
"Maybe the Androids are doing some family shopping of their own," Lector guessed.
"Frosch thinks so too!" The frog said.
CHI-CHI: Touch those Thai silk curtains and I'll turn one of those hoop earrings into a septum ring!
GOHAN: Wow, mom sure is set on filling out Korin and Yajirobe's wedding registry.
"THEIR WHAT!?" The guild shouted in unison. Millianna hugged Kagura in excitement.
"IT'S A KITTY WEDDING!" Millianna shouted.
"Yes yes, Millianna. It's a kitty wedding," Kagura tried to remove her friend.
Juvia and Mira bounced excitedly in their seats at the revelation. "A wedding! A wedding is happening soon!" Both sang.
"Oh Gray! Let's get married soon!" Juvia grabbed Gray's head and hugged him into her breasts. Only Gray's muffled cries could be heard.
GOKU: But why do they need 6 crock-pots? And why all these (thinking) delicious looking (out loud) bath bombs? I don't even think they have a bathroom; Korin always just told me to go over the side.
"Ok...gross and don't eat soap," Lucy said. She looked towards Natsu and wondered if he ever tried to eat soap. Though considering the fact that he grew up in the woods, then he probably has.
(scene switches to a bunch of people standing around. Suddenly an explosion starts and other pedestrians run for their lives screaming. Androids 14 and 15 walk toward Goku's direction)
Erza noticed something as she observed the new Androids. "Gero seemed to have some very artistic sense of design when it comes to his creations."
"More like childlike imagination as he got off on thinking about killing Goku," Laxus growled in annoyance.
ANDROID 15: S'cuse me. Pardon me. Comin' through. Watch the suit.
(several cars stop abruptly and crash into each other as 14 and 15 cross the street)
ANDROID 15: Man, everyone actin' a fool. Like they have never seen a purple dwarf before?
"You are the ones walking through moving traffic. Race has nothing to do with it," Yukino said.
"Do robots even have races?" Sting questioned.
ANDROID 14: (only makes an indiscernible static noise as subtitles appear below him) They do not understand our struggle.
The Dragon Slayers covered their ears to block out the pain from Android 14's voice.
"WHAT IS THAT!?" Natsu screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE! I'M CRUSHING THAT LACRAMA!" Laxus' body began to generate lightning, until Mira held him back with her Satan Soul.
ANDROID 15: I know, right? Racist as shit…
"Is it though?" Lisanna wondered.
(cut back to the mall as Goku, Gohan and Chi-Chi eat at a restaurant, Goku being especially noisy with his eating)
GOKU: (mouth full) Man, shopping makes me hungry!
"Me too!" Natsu rubbed his stomach.
GOHAN/Lucy: (sarcastically) Really? Shopping makes you hungry. Only shopping…
"Yes!" Natsu grinned at the face palming Lucy.
GOKU: Mm-hmm! (swallows) Speaking of, how'd your search go, guys?
(scene pans to Krillin, Master Roshi, Oolong and Trunks at their own table)
"It's Trunks!" Wendy was happy to see the Time Traveller.
KRILLIN: Not great. Turns out Master Roshi's banned from over 500 Victoria's Secret locations. I don't get it. How are you not on some sort of list?
"He's banned from 500 stores? What were they, a store for Women's underwear?" Minerva scoffed.
MASTER ROSHI: You think Master Roshi's my real name?
"It's not!?" Happy gasped.
GOHAN: Doesn't Victoria's Secret specialize in women's underwear?
Minerva and the other women all face faulted and felt disgusted at Roshi once more.
GOHAN: Why would Korin and Yajirobe- (Chi-Chi elbows Gohan, and he soon makes a realization) Oh. Ohh…
The more mature adults understood as to why Yajirobe and Korin would want to use the Women's underwear for.
The least mature members which consisted of the children, two of the Exceeds, and Natsu didn't understand at all.
(cut to Android 15' point-of-view as they find Goku through the other floor)
GOHAN: (offscreen) But which one wears them?
"Not something you should be concerned with, Gohan," Mira frowned.
ANDROID 15: So what do ya think?
ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) Jet fuel can't melt steel beams.
The Slayers silently hoped that 14 wouldn't talk much.
ANDROID 15: Nah. (14 and 15 combine energy blasts) But we can...
(the building starts to shake and everyone looks around confused)
GOHAN: Hey, so, not to point out the obvious, but the restaurant's shaking.
" It means that there's either an earthquake or you guys need to be ready for a fight," Gajeel responded.
GOKU: (looks up from his food) Huh? (pause) Eh. (looks back down to eat again)
"And he's only concerned with his stomach," Evergreen sighed.
(everyone is forced up off the floor by the energy blast building up beneath them)
GOHAN, KRILLIN, & TRUNKS: (simultaneously) Ohh, crapbask-
(the restaurant explodes. Cut to Gohan carrying Chi-Chi in the air while she's holding a ton of bags)
"Good multitasking Gohan," Mira complemented.
"His mother would be quite upset if those were lost," Macao sweatdropped.
CHI-CHI: Why can't we go anywhere as a group without something blowing up?
"Blame the man you married," Levy said.
(cut to Goku lowering most of the people to the ground safely, everyone else being held by Krillin and Trunks in the background)
GOKU: Probably not my fault this time... Maybe... (flies back to the group)
"Are the Androids still technically Goku's fault?" Meredy questioned.
"Considering they were built to kill him, then yes. By technicality he shares some of the blood they spill," Jellal answered.
(cut to Androids 14 and 15 preparing to attack again with energy blasts (which they don't seem to do, what?))
GOKU: (gasps) Terrorists! Wait, I can't sense them. Androids! Android-orists! Terror-roids! Guys, we got a bad case of terror-roids!
"Oh no! How dangerous is the sickness!?" Wendy gasped.
(Gohan flies off, forcing Chi-Chi to drop one of her bags)
GOHAN: C'mon, Mom!
CHI-CHI: No! One of the crock-pots!
"Your life is more important!" Gray sweatdropped.
(Krillin and Trunks fly the other people away as Goku faces the "terror-roids". The androids fly up to Goku.)
GOKU: So, you guys aren't orgasmic. (cut to Android 15's pov as he scans Goku, stopping once at Goku's crotch as the words "Potential Weak Point" appear before continuing on)
Erza felt uncomfortable with that "Potential Weak Point" being scanned.
GOKU: Who are you? Red Ribbon? I mean, you got it on your red "Red Ribbon" ribbon. But you know what they say about assuming... (cut to Android 15's face as he finishes scanning) It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "ming".
"Close enough," Carla shrugged.
ANDROID 15: Scan complete. (takes out a flask and takes a few swigs from it before lowering it) This guy's dumb as bricks…
"Trust me, you didn't need to scan him to figure that out," Gildarts said.
ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) Perhaps introductions are in order.
GOKU: Say wha...?
ANDROID 15: Oh, right. Your unrefined meat-bag ears probably don't understand him.
"More like his voice box needs to be fixed," Levy rubbed Gajeel's back as he hissed in pain.
ANDROID 15: He's introducing himself as Android 14. I am Android 15. And you... (smiles) are Goku.
(Android 15 fires a blast at Goku as Android 14 charges at him. Goku deflects the blast just fine, but gets kicked by 14 clean through a building into another building. The smoke clears to reveal Goku stuck to the wall in a Goku-shaped crater. Androids 14 and 15 fly to Goku as 15 prepares another blast.)
ANDROID 15: And now you're dead! (fires the blast)
(another blast appears from below and blows both blasts up before it could hit Goku, forcing the androids to reel back)
ANDROID 15: Okay, rude!
TRUNKS: (flies up from the streets) Goku, move!
GOKU: Oh, right. (forces himself out of the wall)
"You mean he was planning on taking that shot?" Kagura raised an eyebrow.
(Android 15 prepares three more blasts to hit Trunks, who dodges each one as they explode on the building behind him)
TRUNKS: You know- (dodges the third blast) -maybe we shouldn't do this here.
"Innocent people and casualties. Which is why you brats need to learn to stop destroying public property during your jobs!" Makarov yelled at his kids. More specifically he looked directly at Natsu who was fidgeting in his seat.
GOKU: (fights Android 14) Ooh, ooh! (punches Android 14 away) I know a place! (flies out of the city. Trunks follows along with the androids)
"Piccolo must've shown it to him," Mira assumed.
(cut to Gohan and Krillin as they watch the four fly away)
GOHAN: Krillin, we should go after them!
KRILLIN: Should we?
"You shouldn't. Just let the Super Saiyans handle it," Mira didn't want Gohan getting hurt.
GOHAN: Yes!
KRILLIN: Okay, but must we?
GOHAN: Well, you can come with me or you can stay here with my mom.
(cut to Chi-Chi charging as she screams like a banshee)
"RUN KRILLIN!"
KRILLIN: (flies off with Gohan) We must! WE MUST!
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Update complete. Now activating Number 13.
(13's pod opens up revealing Android 13 in the shadows)
ANDROID 13: (speaks in a southern accent) Mighty kind of ya, Doctor.
Juvia shivered in terror at the sound of 13's voice. "Not another accent."
DR. GERO: For crying out loud, we just finished patching that!
(Android 13 walks out of his pod)
ANDROID 13: Doc... Ya can't fix what ain't broke. Now... where's my trucker hat?
"I thought 17 was just joking," Juvia clutched Gray tighter.
(a robotic arm lowers a trucker hat onto Android 13's head as a country version of "Imperial March" plays. Cut to the Arctic as Goku and Trunks fly into the scene and stop as they face the androids)
TRUNKS: (offscreen) No offense, Goku, but... why the Arctic?
GOKU: What? You're fine. You got a jacket.
"Exactly, besides it's not that cold," Gray said.
"The arctic isn't that bad," Natsu agreed.
"Of course it isn't that bad for you two," Lucy barked.
(cut to Android 15's pov as he scans Trunks)
TRUNKS: Well, yeah, but there are more deserts than we can count and you chose the Arctic.
"Change of scenery?" Romeo shrugged.
(cut to Android 15's face as he finishes scanning)
GOKU: Uh, y-you got a jacket...
ANDROID 15: My database says... (smiles) You's a bitch. (disappears)
TRUNKS: I doubt that's what it actually sa- (Android 15 reappears in front of Trunks and kicks him, forcing him to bounce against the ice walls three times before crashing to the ground) Ugh…
"Ya know...Vegeta would agree with that assessment," Gajeel said.
GOKU: Trunks! Your jacket is weighing you down! (turns around) Huh?
(Androids 14 and 15 punch Goku into the wall, and he soon flops onto the ground. Trunks gets up from the crumbled ice)
TRUNKS: Hey, Goku, if and when we make it out of this... (Goku gets up as well) Please don't tell my father that there were two more androids…
"I'm sure your dad will appear at some point. So, there's no point in hiding it," Bickslow disagreed with Trunks.
(everyone looks up as Android 13 speaks from afar)
ANDROID 13: (offscreen) Ah, to be fair... you'd 'ave been wrong, anyway! 'Cause there's three!
TRUNKS: Aagh! (flies up with Goku to find Android 13 on the cliff of an iceberg)
ANDROID 13: Howdy there. I'm Android 13. Look at my trucker hat…
"It's an alright hat," Natsu spoke.
GOKU: Lookie, Trunks. More 'roids.
TRUNKS: You're kidding me! Are there any more of you that we don't know about?!
ANDROID 13: Nah, just us. Plus the green one in the sub-lab.
"That bug creature," Levy assumed.
TRUNKS: Enough! I have had it with these monkey-fighting androids in this Monday-to-Friday timeline! Hah! (charges at the androids, only to volley with 14 and 15 as they kick him a couple times)
"Trunks…" Makarov sounded disappointed.
ANDROID 13: Well, son. Looks like 13 is your unlucky number.
GOKU: I don't believe in stuper-stitions.
ANDROID 13: ...How in the blazes did Gero have so much trouble killing you?
GOKU: I'm very stubborn.
"That defines Fairy Tail perfectly. We're too stubborn to give up!" Natsu grinned from ear to ear.
ANDROID 13: Hm. (fires a huge finger blast at Goku, who catches it only to find himself slowly being overpowered)
GOKU: Oh, hey, he's actually really strong. (screams as the blast sends him flying into the icy ground straight into the water, where he continues screaming)
"What else did you expect?" Kagura asked.
ANDROID 13: Careful, son! You might catch your death o' cold!
(Goku resurfaces with a giant iceberg)
GOKU: Catch this cold! (throws the iceberg at Android 13, but as he dodges the iceberg seems to hit 13's hat as it flew off of his head)
ANDROID 13: My trucker hat! (flies up to Goku and grabs his leg) Ya plum done gone dad-gum did it now, son!
"W-W-What…?" Juvia tries to process 13's words.
GOKU: Who in the wha- Aah!
(Android 13 drags him into the water again)
GOKU: (thinking) Huh. Hope Trunks is having better luck.
(cut to Trunks swing his sword at Android 14, only for him to catch it between his fingers)
"Trunks needs to learn how to handle a sword better. A swordsmen never allows their blade to be caught so easily," Erza said, disapprovingly.
TRUNKS: Ugh! Why did I even bring this?! (thinking) Wait. Why DID I bring this? We were shopping before- (out loud) Ah! (dodges Android 14's punch and prepares to blast him until Android 15 blasts him in the back straight into a cliff)
"Not the time to be thinking about that, Trunks," Sting said.
ANDROID 15: A'ight, 14, give it back.
(Android 14 tosses Trunks's sword back at him, narrowly missing his head as he gets up forcing him to shriek a little. Cut to Android 13 sending out a red energy blast at Goku, who tries to fly away only to find it following him.)
"Why haven't they gone Super Saiyan yet?" Lucy asked, confused. The fight would be going much easier if they did.
ANDROID 13: Ya can't dodge my T.H. Death Bomb!
GOKU/Natsu: Does the T.H. stand for-
ANDROID 13: "Trucker Hat"! Yes!
GOKU: Not my first guess. (the T.H. Death Bomb presses into Goku, forcing him against the ice wall)
"I was gonna guess Tappy Happy," Natsu said. The blue Exceed got up and started tapping his little feet in response.
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Yes... Yes! (cut to Goku struggling with the T.H. Death Bomb) This is the moment!
(a small blast comes up from a crevice and forces the T.H. Death Bomb into the air before it explodes. Android 13 is stunned)
DR. GERO: (offscreen) Oh, what now?!
(the glacier behind Goku splits in half, and Goku flies away as something emerges from within, revealed to be Vegeta)
"I was right," Bickslow grinned.
VEGETA: (offscreen) For thousands of years, I lay dormant! Who has disturbed my-
GOKU: Hey, best buddy!
VEGETA: Oh, it's you. Explain, idiot.
"I wonder if Vegeta was spending his time in the glacier preparing that," Millianna giggled.
"I'm just confused as to why he was in the glacier," Lisanna brought up.
"Because it's manly to make a grand entrance!" Elfman replied to his little sister.
TRUNKS: No, no, no!
GOKU: We found three more androids.
"Goku once again proves he can't keep secrets," Yukino giggles.
TRUNKS: (offscreen) Dammit!
VEGETA: Three whole androids, huh? Pretty sure that makes eight. Hm, never letting the boy live this one down.
ANDROID 13: (sarcastically) Well, if it ain't the prince. Good day, Your Majesty. I'd tip my hat to ya, (angrily) but I lost it!
"He's really torn up about losing that hat," Meredy sweat drops.
VEGETA: Look, I'm a little late to the game here. What's your deal?
ANDROID 13: See here. The kind Dr. Gero deemed us, in his own words, "defective", leaving us on the proverbial shelf until, well... He gone plum run out of options.
"Which again brings up where are 17, 18, and 16?" Freed asks.
GOKU: So, what's your detective?
"Defective," Carla corrected on reflex.
ANDROID 13: He could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones, my choice in vernacular, and my particular method of... (pronounced) articulation.
"I can't stand it either," Juvia muttered.
GOKU: Also, you talk funny.
"That's what he-nevermind," Kagura gave up.
GOKU: (cut to Android 14) What about him?
ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) The drivers for my sound card are corrupted and Dr. Gero could not find them online.
"SHUT UP!"
VEGETA: Alright, well what about the small one? (cut to Android 15) Is it 'cause he's purple?
"Ok, that's racist," Sting said.
ANDROID 13: Okay, racist! If you must know- (cut to Android 15 taking a couple swigs from his flask) -it's 'cause he's got a drinking problem.
(cut back to Android 13)
ANDROID 15: (offscreen) Hey, it's only a problem when I run out!
"PREACH!" Cana downed more beer.
ANDROID 13: We don't like to talk about it. Now, I believe we have some business to attend to! Id est, (cut to Trunks, Goku and Vegeta all ready for a fight) laying three corpses upon this here glacier! (cut to Androids 14 and 15) 14! 15!
ANDROID 15: (walks forward) You got it, boss-man! (falls shoulder-deep into the snow) ...You forget you saw this. (flies out and exchanges volleys with Vegeta)
Some of the mages laughed.
(cut to Goku and Android 13 circling each other in the air)
ANDROID 13: Round 2, fleshlights!
(Goku and Android 13 exchange volleys as well. Cut to Trunks sending a blast at Android 14, who merely jumps over it, pins Trunks against a wall, and reels his head back as he delivers multiple head-butts to the poor half-Saiyan time traveler. Cut further away from the fight as Krillin peeks out, along with Gohan)
KRILLIN: (sarcastically) So, we just needed to be here, didn't we?
GOHAN: Yeah, okay…
"Realizing that you're out of your depth is always a good step in the right direction," Gildarts remembered his fight with Natsu on Tenrou.
KRILLIN: Couldn't even stop for a jacket. Just had to beeline it for the Arctic!
GOHAN: Okay, Krillin! I get it! We're not helping. I just... needed some space from my mom.
An uncomfortable air washed through the guild at Gohan's admission.
KRILLIN: Eh, it's alright... (pause) Wanna have a snowball fight?
GOHAN: Probably not a good time.
KRILLIN: Nah, nah, you're right...
"Still a bit awkward," Sting winced.
(cut to Vegeta and 15 falling to the ground and, from the crash, Android 15 surfs Vegeta straight into a wall before jumping off and preparing to punch him. Unfortunately, Vegeta caught the punch before it could hit)
VEGETA: Hey! (closes his face up to Android 15) Wanna see something cool?!
"Yes!" The childish members shouted.
ANDROID 15: ...Yeah okay.
(Vegeta screams as he powers up in front of Android 15, forcing his hat to fly off of his head and burst into flames revealing a similar glass dome to Dr. Gero's, and the right lens of his sunglasses to shatter revealing his robot eye. He's immediately pushed back as Vegeta becomes a Super Saiyan.)
(cut to Trunks as he's being punched repeatedly by Android 14)
TRUNKS: (thinking) Oh, right. Super Saiyan. (dodges another punch and screams as he powers up as a Super Saiyan)
(cut to Goku as he's pushed into a glacier wall by Android 13)
GOKU: Oh, right. Super Saiyan. (screams as he powers up as a Super Saiyan, crumbling the glacier around him)
"How did you forget that, Trunks? We can understand Goku forgetting, but not you," Gray questioned.
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Oh, shit. Super Saiyan. (screams as he realizes how f**ked he is)
"Seems your plans will be stopped once more," Erza smirked.
(cut to Gohan and Krillin)
GOHAN: Uh, why did it take them so long to do that?
KRILLIN: You know, I stopped asking that question a long time ago.
"Pretty sure we should all follow Krillin's lead on this one," Levy said.
(Super Saiyan Trunks charges up to Android 14. Cut to Vegeta.)
VEGETA: So... (cut to Android 15 taking out his flask) ...are you ready to die, android? (Android 15 starts drinking as Vegeta watches) A-Are you- (Android 15 raises a finger to Vegeta to wait) ...Does that even do anything for you?
ANDROID 15: (puts away the flask) Not anymore.
"Relatable," Cana looked inside of her cup to see the liquor gone.
(after a moment, Vegeta punches Android 15. "Ohgod!" Cut to Android 13 charging at Goku as Goku blasts at 13. 13 throws a blast at Goku, who dodges and throws another ki blast at 13.)
KRILLIN: That's right, Goku! Send him back to Arkansas! (pronounced Ar-kan-saw)
ANDROID 13: (offscreen) It's pronounced "Ar-kan-sas", you idjit! (a blast is sent out at Krillin, who falls down in a panic as it flies past him)
"Lucy dodge, Krillin," Lucy chuckled, nervously.
GOHAN: And consider my pet peeved! (sends a Masenkoha out which hits Android 13 on his back as he and Goku are fighting. After a moment, he then sends a blast out to Gohan) Piccolo, help! (yet another blast from the ground sends the first blast away) Holy cow, that worked!
Mira grumbled at Gohan's need to get involved, and felt gratitude for Piccolo's save.(Who else would it be, but Piccolo?)
(the ground crumbles towards Goku and Android 13 as Piccolo crashes up and grabs the android's legs)
PICCOLO: (offscreen) For thousands of years, I lay dormant! Who has disturbed my- (Mira's face flushes in embarrassment) (nonchalantly) Oh, hey, Goku. What's up?
GOKU: Androids.
PICCOLO: Neat. Mind if I take a spin? (spins Android 13 around and sends him flying away with a goofy holler)
"Nice one!" Gajeel laughed.
GOKU: Ha. Because you spun him around. (Android 13 crashes offscreen. "Ow!") Clever.
PICCOLO: Thanks, I was practicing that one under the ice for the last half... (Android 13 re-enters and Goku powers down to normal) You know what, never mind.
"So, you WERE practicing? I bet Vegeta was doing the same thing," Gajeel said.
ANDROID 13: Now I don't mean to make this about your color or your race, but you'd better high-tail it out of here before you get hurt, BOY.
PICCOLO: You know, it feels like it's about BOTH those things when you end it with the word "boy".
"The racism is strong today," Lisanna sighed.
(cut to Vegeta flying back-first into a glacier wall. Android 15 stands on one foot ready to give Vegeta another)
ANDROID 15: Come on, short-stack! That the best you got?
"He's taller than you," Sting mentions.
(Vegeta charges at Android 15; the latter does the same. Both deliver a punch as they fly past each other, with Vegeta falling to the ground and powering down to normal. Android 15 turns to mock the fallen prince)
"No way Vegeta just lost that fight," Gajeel gaped along with the rest of the mages.
ANDROID 15: Ha-ha! (Vegeta turns to 15 angrily) Super Saiyan or not, you're still just a- (head falls off his neck into his hands) ...Bitch!
"That makes more sense," The Iron Slayer smirked.
ANDROID 15: (a dog biscuit flies into his face, bouncing off and falling to the ground) ...Did you just throw a motherf**king dog- (explodes, sending the dog biscuit flying away)
The mages who understood the joke laughed at its return.
(cut to Trunks flying down to Android 14, the latter flying up as both clash in the air. Trunks lands on the ground with his sword out, blood dripping from his forehead as he powers down. Android 14 lands in the opposite direction)
"That's how you use a sword, Trunks," Kagura smirked, proudly.
ANDROID 14: (static; subtitled) By metal, my life was given. By metal, it has been stripped away. No dreams before, nor after. Only the end.
(Android 14 explodes and Trunks sheaths his sword, the exposed metal torso of the fallen machine crashing in front of him. Cut to Vegeta flying up to join Goku and Piccolo against Android 13)
"FINALLY THE PAIN IS GONE!" The Dragon Slayers celebrated.
VEGETA: Looks like the countdown's just about over, you redneck... Um...
TRUNKS: (appears next to Vegeta) Hey, guys! I did that thing again where I slice my opponent in two and they don't react until-
VEGETA: I did it first, you're not special!
(cut to Android 13)
TRUNKS/Kagura: (offscreen) B-But you don't even have a sword...
ANDROID 13: 14 and 15 have been destroyed?!... (smirks) Gooood…
"I don't like the sound of that. I really don't like the sound of that," Wendy panicked.
(parts of 14 and 15 separate from their remains and fly up to 13, being absorbed into his body one by one)
PICCOLO: I feel like we should be stopping this…
"You should," Lucy said.
(Cut to Android 13 as more parts are assimilated)
GOKU: (offscreen) Nah, I want a good fight.
"And there's the reason why you aren't," Lucy frowned.
"It's not fun if it's easy, Lucy," Natsu whined.
"Is it fun to get killed!?"
(Android 13 slowly starts to buff up, starting with his arms)
KRILLIN: He's 'roiding out!
DR. GERO: (offscreen as 13 transforms, his legs buffing up as his boot straps snap off) Excellent. (13's skin turns blue, his hair turns orange and spiky, and his irises disappear as his eyes turn yellow) Android 13 has reached his ultimate final pinnacle form! (His Red Ribbon vest rips off as his chest expands while he screams) Unstoppable! Blue! And completely taciturn. (He then glares at our heroes with a murderous intent. Android 13 has become Super Android 13) PERFECT…
"HE STOLE VEGETA'S HAIR!" Natsu shouted.
GOKU: Vegeta, he stole your 'do!
VEGETA: I'll kill him! (becomes Super Saiyan and charges at Super Android 13 and punches him in the chest. It's not very effective. The blue 'roid grabs Vegeta by the arms) Oh no…
"Oh no…" Happy gulped.
(Super Android 13 flies down to the ground as Vegeta screams)
TRUNKS: (flies towards Super Android 13, ready to slice him in half) I got you! (gets blasted away by Super Android 13) Ohgod! (crashes into a glacier wall)
(Vegeta laughs hysterically as Trunks falls to the ground, until Super Android 13 slams him into the ground; the android then gets up and reaches his palm to Vegeta)
VEGETA: (laughs weakly) ...Idiot. (gets blasted away towards Krillin and Gohan) Someone stupid get in my way!
KRILLIN: What the- (Vegeta crashes into Krillin)
The guild couldn't help, but laugh from the entire exchange.
(Piccolo repeatedly punches and kicks Super Android 13 to no avail)
NAIL & KAMI: (Boom-chicka-ah! Boom-chicka-ah! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Green dick-)
"What are they doing?" Mira questioned with a snort.
PICCOLO: (thinking) What are you doing?
KAMI: (We're trying to amp you up.)
PICCOLO: (thinking) Well, it's distracting- (gets blasted away by Super Android 13)
PICCOLO, NAIL, & KAMI: (Oh ,shit, motherF**KA!)
Mira shrieked at her boys getting knocked away.
GOKU: My turn! (becomes Super Saiyan and charges at Super Android 13 and repeatedly punches him, and kneeing him once, also to no avail)
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer)
DR. GERO: Weakness... identified!
(Super Android 13 grins as he grabs Goku's leg and reels his fist back...)
GOKU: Hey, what are you- (gets a huge punch in the dick and screams)
"GAH!" All of the men flinched in phantom pain once more from the nut punch delivered by Android 13.
Erza felt something in her mind break as Goku got punched in the nuts.
(the scene slows as it whites out to the future, where teenager Gohan and Goten are out in a field with a pile of small rocks nearby)
"Is that...Gohan…?" Mira asked as she observed the teenager. Her face brightened at seeing how handsome the boy became. "Aw! My little boy becomes a lady killer!"
Erza's mind snaps back to reality and looks at the little boy in front of Gohan. The boy looked eerily familiar to a certain full blooded Saiyan. "Could...Could that kid be…" Erza thought in her mind.
GOHAN: Alright, Goten, it's your job to chuck these as hard as you can so I can be all trained up to face off against Dad in the tournament! (draws a line in the ground with his foot) Now stand behind that line and- (sees Goten start to disappear in front of him) Goten? (Goten fully disappears; Gohan looks confused) (thinking) What was I doing here?
FLASH
A bright flash of light was suddenly produced by the large Lacarma in front of the audience. All of the mages and Exceeds cried out, rubbing their eyes in pain.
"W-What were we looking at again?" Levy asks, confused.
"I-I don't know..I feel like we just forgot something important," Erza frowned. The Scarlet Knight tried her best to remember what happened before the flash. However, her mind drew a blank, so she put her attention back to the Lacrama.
(I don't want to hear a single one of you bitch about them not remembering Goten).
(flashback to the present as, after punching Goku in the dick hard enough to erase his future son out of existence, Super Android 13 chucks him down a crevice as he screams weakly and high-pitched as he crashes into the ground)
"Oh yeah! Goku just got punched in the nuts," Wakaba winced.
GOKU: (high-pitched) He punched me in the dick... Why...? Why did he punch me in the dick...?
VEGETA: (gets up from under Krillin's legs) Not so funny now, is it, Kakarrot?
"No...nut punches aren't funny," Rogue said.
"They're funny to me," Minerva disagreed with the Shadow Slayer.
KRILLIN: (weakly) Is Goku gonna be okay?
VEGETA: Get the f**k off me!
(Goku gets up to find Super Android 13 standing in front of him)
GOKU: (weakly) N-Now, I know what you're think- (gets blasted back by the Android, then repeatedly punched and kicked as he's sent flying until he's punched into the ground again. He gets up again) And the answer... may surpri- (13 prepares a T.H. Death Bomb)
GOKU: (thinking) Oh man...
(Goku gets sent flying out of the glacier)
GOKU: Wheeee- (falls into the water)
"Welp, he's gonna drown," Minerva shrugged.
GOHAN: Hey! Why don't you pick on someone your own size? (13 turns to him) Uh... Well, clearly not me…
"Gohan…" Mira growled. Her siblings tried to calm her down.
(cut to Goku who's upside-down underwater)
GOKU: (thinking) Well... if you can't beat 'em... (raises his hands up) ...bomb 'em.
"Hey! He's using the thing that always works!" Natsu pointed out.
(cut to Super Android 13 walking towards Gohan as he backs away)
GOHAN: Uh-maybe one of those Battleball players? I mean not that I watch sports, I have better things to do in my life. Ha-ha... I feel like this is a one-sided conversation…
"It's gonna be a one sided beatdown if you don't leave," Laxus growled.
(13 growls, and Goku rises from the ocean with his hands stretched out. Gohan notices and looks behind 13.)
DR. GERO: (telepathically) 13, if you'd kindly turn around... (13 does so) ...and eliminate Son Goku.
(13 growls in disbelief and anger, then unleashes a blast at Goku. Gohan flies around to block it)
GOHAN: Dad, no! (screams as he takes the hit)
GOKU: (obliviously) Good job, son.
"SHOW MORE CONCERN!" Mira roared.
DR. GERO: (telepathically) Hmm, unexpected, but not altogether unpleasant. Let's try again, shall we- (a ki blast flies past 13 and arcs around to hit Goku)
GOKU: Ow!
(cut to Vegeta)
"That makes sense," Freed sighed at Vegeta's pettiness.
VEGETA: Nobody's killing that idiot but me!
GOKU: (offscreen) Aw, you do care!
"Yeah, he cares to kill you," Bickslow remarks.
DR. GERO: (telepathically) Ugh, fine! Finish off Vegeta, then Son Goku!
(Vegeta screams and charges at 13, delivering a few punches and a kick (which makes a squeaky noise) until 13 grabs his arms and twists them behind him, forcing Vegeta to scream. The screen freezes and turns black-and-white with a slow zoom-in as a Western narrator speaks)
WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the prince realized that when you grab a bull by the horns…
"W-What?" Carla looks baffled.
(Cut back as Vegeta continues screaming. 13 lifts Vegeta over his head and-)
WESTERN NARRATOR: ...sometimes, he'll take you for a ride.
(-throws him onto his knee, nearly breaking his spine in half as he screams some more)
Gajeel winced at the back breaker used on Vegeta.
GOKU: Keep it up, guys! You're doing great!
"Well, they are buying you time," Levy figured.
(Cut back to Vegeta as his face is covered by 13's hand, his spine still being bent in two by the Android)
DR. GERO: (telepathically) Yes, good! Now hurry and get back to Son- (a ki blast hits 13 on the back, forcing him to drop Vegeta) Oh my non-existent God... (13 turns to find Trunks)
"How did he know about Kami?" Romeo asks.
TRUNKS: Hey! You big blue bastard! I'm a time-traveller from 17 years in the future! And you don't exist there! You know why? Well, besides Multiverse Theory...It's because you die! Right here! By my sword! (draws his sword and turns Super Saiyan, charging at 13 and slashes at him, only for his sword to break and 13 to grab him-)
Erza and Kagura both face palm at Trunks getting his sword broken for a 2nd time in a row. They figured that it's better if Trunks stopped using a sword.
WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the time-traveller realized that his sword was about as useless...
(-punch him in the gut-)
WESTERN NARRATOR: ...as a screen door on a submarine.
Both Swordswomen groan in mental pain.
(-and send him flying with another ki blast. Meanwhile, Goku is whistling "Mahna Mahna" as he's chargin' his attack. The Spirit Bomb is enormous at this point)
"It made a return," Levy hummed.
DR. GERO: (telepathically) Good! Great! Now stop playing around with the battle- (13 prepares a T.H. Death Bomb) -and focus your efforts on killing- (Piccolo appears behind him and grabs him by the waist, lifting him up and throwing off his T.H. Death Bomb) -SON OF A WHORE!
"PICCOLO!" The Strauss siblings cheered.
(Super Android 13 elbows Piccolo's face and punches him into the ground. He then stomps Piccolo's face and-)
"OOOOoooo…" Their cheers decreased.
WESTERN NARRATOR: And that's when the green man realized that when you suplex a robot... you'd better... (the music stops and the screen returns to its normal position as he crumples up some paper) Ah, what the hell am I doin'? (walks away, and after a few seconds...)
"Can the narrator just give up?" Romeo asked Wendy. The Sky Slayer shrugged her shoulders in response.
(-powers up in anger. Goku finishes his Spirit Bomb and turns Super Saiyan)
KRILLIN: (wakes up) Oh right. Spirit Saiyan. (sees Goku ABSORBING the Spirit Bomb) ...What?
"Spirit Saiyan sounds awesome, right Yukino?" Sting asked the Celestial mage next to him.
"Hmmm...I guess," She answered.
(Super Android 13, still standing on Piccolo, turns to Goku as the glaciers crumble around him while Goku takes in the Spirit Bomb)
DR. GERO: (telepathically) Kill Son Goku! KILL SON GOKU! KILL SON GOKU BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
"Guess someone's a bit cranky," Cana mocked.
(It's too late as Goku takes in all the energy from the Spirit Bomb... and screams as his force blows away all the glaciers until a crater of water and a pillar of ice with 13 on it remains)
"NOW THAT'S MANLY!" Elfman shouts.
"KICK HIS ASS GOKU!" Natsu jumps up and down.
DR. GERO: (telepathically) Oh, this bodes poorly...
(the pillar crumbles away as Goku flies up to 13. Cut to Goku's terrifyingly disproportionate face as flashes of his terrifyingly disproportionate skull appear as well)
"HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME/TERRIFYING!"
DR. GERO: (telepathically) JESUS CHRIST!
(13 screams as Goku punches a hole into his chest-)
WESTERN NARRATOR 2: And that's when the robot realized that he was as dead as a... robot, because... (flips a page as the music stops) robots are technically... not alive by the traditional definition of... D'these people even give a damn anymore? I swear they stopped trying after Season 2!
"Nah, I feel like they got better," Romeo disagreed with the narrator.
(-and launches him into the air, as his arms and legs are blown off before he completely explodes. As the explosion clears, a single glacier floats by. 13's trucker hat is seen being carried off by the wind)
"And I'll never have to deal with that accent again," Juvia smiles in satisfaction.
(cut to the hospital with an ass-shot of the nurse walking by Goku and his friends; Gohan and Krillin are bandaged in beds while Chi-Chi, a bandaged Goku, Trunks, Oolong, Master Roshi gather around them)
"Wait why is Krillin hospitalized? He didn't do anything," Lucy asked, confused.
MASTER ROSHI: Hello, nurse!
KRILLIN: Man! Catching Vegeta really f**ked my shit up! How about you, Goku? You seem fine.
"That explains it," Lucy deadpans.
GOKU: Yep! Senzu beans healed my nuts up good!
CHI-CHI/Erza: Thank God!
KRILLIN: Ha-hey, that's great! So, you got any to share?
GOKU: I kinda needed a few…
"I wonder how many Vegeta needed?" Cana wondered.
TRUNKS: I'm glad you're all fine. But it does concern me that there are apparently more androids out there.
"Where are 16, 17, and 18?" Freed asked once more.
KRILLIN: Actually, I had a thought about that.
(cut to Dr. Gero's supercomputer, now mostly inactive)
DR. GERO: Well, that was a total bust. I suppose I'll just continue nursing Plan B. What's another 17 years? I'm not going anywhere.
"Yeah about that," Gajeel smirked.
DR. GERO: (Trunks and Krillin are faintly heard outside (a la "Cell Reception") as the doors open) Wait. What is that noise?
KRILLIN: (offscreen) Wow. "Danger, Will Robinson."
(cut to the remains of Dr. Gero's main lab)
TRUNKS: (offscreen) Who's Will Robinson?
DR. GERO: Oh no... (he, along with the sub-lab, explodes)
"And that's the end of Dr. Gero," Levy wrote down in her notes.
(Ending credits roll on the side of a Red Ribbon truck driving through a snowy background)
(the truck drives by after the credits to Vegeta and Piccolo sitting on a lone block of ice in the ocean, backs turned against each other)
PICCOLO: Is it over?
VEGETA: Not 'til the fish jumps.
PICCOLO: ... (coughs a little)
VEGETA: (coughs a little)
PICCOLO: ... So... What were you doing in the Arctic?
VEGETA: What were YOU doing in the Arctic?
PICCOLO: I don't have a place to live. What's your excuse?
VEGETA: Look, green man, if you must know, I was just trying to find a place where I can be alone for a little bit and have some "me" time. Turns out, the Arctic wasn't the best solution.
"Yeah, you ended up fighting three more killer robots," Gildarts chuckled.
PICCOLO: Yeah, it would, uh... seem that way.
VEGETA: Yeah. Yeah. It would.
PICCOLO: ...So what do you do for fun-
FISH: (jumps) Fin! (splashes into the water as the scene cuts to the word "FIN" on a black background)
"Piccolo almost made another friend," Mira realized.
PICCOLO: Oh, I get it.
VEGETA: It's 'cause he's a fish…
"Fish for the win!" Happy cheers
Chapter End