Chapter 61
(Phoebe's POV)
We survived our first night in the hospital with a newborn. She went to the nursery so we could sleep, and they brought her to me to feed throughout the night. She is now back and very hungry. It is 6 am. My family and Nathan's are all visiting today.
I am so curious to know what is happening with Luke's murder case. I have tried asking, but everytime I try to talk to someone about it they shoot me down. Nathan has said he doesn't know anything but I think it is a lie.
"Here is your nursing pillow," Nathan says. I thank him and slide off my shirt. I am not wearing a bra, so it makes it easier. Nathan picks Sawyer up from the hospital bassinet. She is still in her swaddle. He kisses her forehead and then passes her to me. She is angry about being hungry.
"Shhhhh, here baby," I say. I position my boob like the lactation consultant showed me. Sawyer latches on after a couple of seconds. The room is quiet except for her suckling noises.
Nathan sits on the bed and strokes my head. I am exhausted, but so happy. Since Sawyer was early they wanted to keep us for a bit longer than normal. I am hoping to leave by tomorrow night.
"I want to shower," I say and Nathan nods.
"I will talk to the nurse, I don't want to push you," he says and I sigh.
"You gave birth less than 24 hours ago. We don't want to push you," he says and I give him a tight smile.
I look down as Sawyer is eating. She has the Grey family eyes. They are already turning into a shade like mine. A deep grey blue. "She looks so much like you," Nathan says and I smile. She has my nose and eyes.
"She has your lips," I say and Nathan nods. I am happy about that. I have always been jealous of Nathan's lips.
Once she is done, I unswaddle her and pass her to Nathan. He does skin to skin after I feed her and he burps her. She is in the plain white onesie. She is so tiny. Our girl is only 4 pounds and about 15 inches long.
I put back on my shirt as Nathan takes off his. He gently takes off Sawyer's onesie. I pass him her blanket. He rests Sawyer against his chest and wraps the blanket around her. They have told us since she is so small we are going to have to be sure to keep her warm. They showed us how to double swaddle her.
I smile at the sight. Nathan has her and is gently burping her. She loves skin to skin time. She falls asleep almost instantly.
"Hi baby girl," Nathan says and holds her to his chest. Already Sawyer is Nathan's whole world. The bond they have makes me so happy. They haven't even known each other for a day.
"Hi Phoebe, I am Doctor Foster, I am the OB on staff today. I am here to do a check up on you. How is Sawyer?" a doctor says as he walks in with a nurse.
"She is great. Having some skin to skin time with Daddy," I say and he smiles.
"How about you mom? Any new pain or discomfort?" he asks.
"No, but I would love to shower," I say and he nods.
"Absolutely, we want you up and walking," he smiles. He rolls his stoll so he is between my legs.
He does a check up which consists of checking my downstairs region. I am sure it is a mess. Luckily, I didn't tear at all. I knew that was a possibility and it freaked me out.
"So you are going to have some bleeding and that is normal. If you are soaking through more than 2 pads an hour, make sure you let a nurse know. The bleeding will subside anywhere between 2 to 6 weeks. Any bleeding after that you want to make sure you let your OB know. No tampons for 8 weeks. Only pads and the diapers," he says and I nod.
"Sounds easy enough," I say. Nathan is listening intently too.
"Then the nurse will remove your IV's and you can shower. They will be in here when you stand up, if you have any concerns feel free to page me," he says and I thank him.
"Okay Phoebe, I am Gina, I am the nurse on your case today. I am going to remove your Ivs now," she says. I look over at Nathan who turns in the rocking chair to show me Sawyer.
"Look at her," the nurse says and I smile.
After my IV's are removed the nurse goes to help me stand. Nathan wants to help, so he swaddles Sawyer, like a champ, I might add and puts her back in the hospital bassinett where she is sleeping soundly.
The nurse has one of my arms and Nathan has the other. I refrain from making any comments about how extra this is. I stand up and feel blood fill the diaper they have me in. Jeez. It stops after a second. Okay this is harder than I thought it would be.
"Just stay here for a second," Nathan says and rubs my back.
I take a couple of steps and feel more confident. "Okay, I think I got it," I say and the nurse backs off a bit. My lovely husband stays close. I take a couple of steps more and reach the bathroom.
"Okay Phoebe, do you want help?" The nurse asks. Absolutely not.
"I think I got it," I say and she nods.
"Just pull the cord in the shower if you need anything," The nurse says and I nod.
I walk in and see myself in the mirror for the first time. "Good Lord," I say outloud. My hair is crazy and sticking out every which way. The dark circles under my eyes are prominent. I also have bruises on my arms from where the IV was and bruises on my legs from where the nurse and Nathan held them.
"You look beautiful," Nathan says and kisses my head. I roll my eyes.
"You stay with her, I will keep the door open," I say. I don't want Sawyer alone.
"Let me at least help you get in," he says and I know there is no point in arguing. He starts the shower and I get all my toiletries ready. God bless Liv for getting me everything.
I take off my shirt and am left in the adult diaper contraption they have me in. I would be embarrassed in front of Nathan, but he watched me push out a baby yesterday. All modesty is out the window.
My stomach is still swollen like I have a baby in it. Wow no one tells you about these glamorous moments. I look like a wreck. Nathan helps me take off the adult diaper and get into the shower. The hot water feels amazing under my skin.
I stand there and let it hit me. After I wash my body and my hair, I take my time. I hear Sawyer cry and I know she probably wants fed. They also said since she is technically a preemie that she will be more hungry.
I turn off the water and wrap a towel around myself. I put on a new diaper and pad, and pajamas Liv brought. They are so comfy. I walk out with my hair in a towel. I feel like a new person.
"Here," I say and sit down on the rocking chair picking up my nursing pillow. I take off my shirt and help Sawyer latch. She does quickly and Nathan watches in awe.
"Do you feel better?" He asks and I nod.
"So much better," I say and he smiles. I watch Sawyer eat and smile. She is a hungry girl.
"Let me get your hair for you," he says and I laugh. He grabs my brush and gently takes off the towel so Sawyer isn't disturbed.
Nathan starts gently combing through my hair. It makes me smile. He is so good at this. After my hair is all combed out he rings out the excess wetness.
"Thank you," I smile and he nods.
"OF course," he says. Sawyer finishes eating and I burp her. She lets out the cutest little noise.
"That was adorable," I say and Nathan nods laughing.
"Oh she stinks," I say, realizing she pooped.
"I got her," Nathan says. I pass her to him. She is in preemie diapers that are the size of my palm.
"Daddy's first poopy diaper," Nathan sings as Sawyer cries. She hates getting her diaper changed.
I laugh as Nathan changes her diaper quickly. I pass him a new outfit for her. A lot of our clothes are gender nuetral because we didn't know. He puts her in the grey and white gown that sinches at the bottom and wraps her in a matching grey swaddle. She has a little grey hat to go with it.
"Liv and Ted are coming up, they just got here," Nathan says and I smile. I am holding Sawyer and watching her sleep.
"Look at her," I laugh as she lets out a big yawn. She is the cutest thing in the world.
We made my parents promise not to tell anyone the gender or her name. We want to be able to tell everyone and watch their reaction. Ava has been begging me to tell her. Maisy has been non stop texting too. Oakley is about to turn 10 months old. Maisy is already talking about another. She is swoon.
I am sitting in the bed and Nathan is on the rocking chair. I have Sawyer in my arms. There is a knock on the door and I say come in. Teddy has the biggest smile on his face as he comes in. Liv is following.
"Look how little," Liv says and I smile gazing down at her.
"Can I hold him… wait or her.. Wait which is it?" Teddy asks and I laugh. I pass Liv and Ted the baby. They take a seat on the couch next to my bed. I smile as Ted talks to the baby. He is such a softie.
"Hi little peanut, I am your Uncle Teddy. I am the cool one way cooler than your mommy and daddy," I laugh and watch them. Liv is stroking her head.
"Uncle Teddy and Aunt Liv, this is your niece, Sawyer Rose Moore," I say and they both gasp and look at us then her.
"A girl, oh my gosh, I knew it," Liv says.
"Hi Sawyer," Liv says. Teddy looks at me and I can tell he is fighting tears.
"That is a great name, I love it," Ted says. I do too. It is unique and fits her perfectly.
"You are being a baby hog," Liv says and takes her.
"Can we have another?" Liv says and I laugh. Teddy glares at me playfully.
"What have you done, little miss?" He says to Sawyer.
"Babe Leo is only 5 months," he says. She pouts and stares at Sawyer.
"She doesn't even look real. She is like a little doll, how much does she weigh?" Liv asks. She does look like a doll. She has the smoothest skin.
"She was born on June the 6th, she weighs 4 pounds 13 ounces and is 15.6 inches long," Nathan says proudly.
"You are just a tiny little thing," Liv says.
I smile as we talk about all things newborn. This girl is not lacking in love.
Ted and Liv hang around for a while longer and then they leave. We are waiting for Henry and my parents to come after Henry naps. He is in the best mood then. In the meantime Noel Berkeley and Cole are coming. They just got here.
I am sipping on a diet coke. I never drink coke, but here I am. My body is changing. It sounded so good. Nathan also got me chick fil a which I ate in a minute flat. Sawyer starts to cry against Nathan's chest.
"Time to eat," he says and I smile. I am wearing a nursing bra now. I lift her up and lift up my shirt. She latches so well and Nathan watches in awe.
"Does it hurt?" He asks.
"Not really? It feels kinda weird," I say and he nods watching her. Sawyer has her hand latched on Nathan's finger.
There is a knock on the door. I know it is the Moore family. "I'll let you finish," Nathan says and stands. He finally got a change of clothes. He is in jeans and a dark cable knit sweater. He got to shower too. He looks flawless as always.
Sawyer finishes suckling and pulls back. I close my nursing bra and put my shirt back on. I start to burp her as Nathan peeks his head in. "All good?" He asks and I nod.
"Oh my goodness," Noel says. She starts to cry as soon as she sees Sawyer.
"I am a grandma," she says and wipes her tears away.
Berkeley hugs Nathan tightly. He kisses her head. "Nate, would you like to introduce, baby M?" I ask him. He nods and smiles proudly. I turn her so they can see her face.
"Mom, Berk, Cole, this is our baby girl, Sawyer Rose Moore, she was born on June 6th and is 4 lbs and 13 oz," Mrs. Moore starts crying even harder. I smile as they pass her around.
"Phoebe, she has your eyes," Berkeley says as she holds her closely to her chest.
"I know, and Nathan's lips," I say and Berk nods. I watch as Cole and her fawn over Sawyer.
"How are you doing, Ms. Phoebe?" Noel comes over to me.
"I got to shower and feel like a new person, I am ready to get home," I say and she nods.
"I know. Showering after giving birth is better than an orgasm," she says and I laugh.
"Mom," Nathan sighs and I start laughing even harder.
"Nono, wants to hold her," Noel says and takes our girl in her arms. She kisses her head.
"Hi sweet girl," she says and is stroking her cheek.
"Are you exhausted?" Berk asks, coming over and talking to me.
"Incredibly, but extremely happy too," I say and she nods.
"I can't believe you are a dad to two kids," Berk says and slaps Nathan's back. I start laughing and look at him. Nathan is in heaven. I look down at my phone and see Rose Cruz texted me.
*Nursery is complete. This was the best and hardest secret to keep. I am so excited for you to see it. Enjoy your GIRL. We are so excited to meet her.*
Rose knew the gender from the start and while we were at the hospital decorated her entire nursery. I know Spencer helped too which makes it even more special. Rose does interior design, so it was perfect.
After our visitors leave for the day, I am exhausted. I am feeding Sawyer and am drifting in and out. Nathan is on the phone outside. I know it is about Luke's death.
"Sweet girl," I say and stroke her cheek.
Nathan walks back in as I am reswaddling Sawyer. I just changed her diaper. She is asleep and should be for another hour or so. I double swaddle her like the nurse showed me to make sure she is warm enough.
"I'll put her down," Nathan says and picks her up laying her in the hospital bassinett. I close my eyes and lay my head back. A nurse walks in and I sigh. I am so tired.
"Phoebe I am here to check you, any new pain or discomfort?" she asks and I shake my head no. I know the drill.
As she is checking me out I look at Nathan. "Who was that on the phone?" I ask him.
"Your dad," he says and I nod.
"What did he need?" I ask.
"He was just giving me an update," Nathan says and I nod.
"What was the update?" I ask. As he is going to respond the nurse interrupts.
"You are checking out great, Phoebe. We should be able to let you go home by tomorrow, if all is good with Sawyer," she says and I nod.
"Thank you Sarah," I say and she smiles walking out. I turn back to Nathan.
"They arrested my dad again," he says and I look at him confused.
"What?" I ask.
"This was all his ploy, Pheebs. He basically had people working for him on the outside because his cellmate had connections to a drug cartel," he says and my breath hitches. I don't know what to say.
Sawyer was intentionally killed.
"How do we know?" I ask.
"His cellmate told the police everything when he was going down for attempted murder. My dad tried to deny it, but they found the guy who was driving the car and my dad wired him money," he says and tears fill in my eyes.
"I am so sorry, Bee," he says and I shake my head.
"I am so sorry, Nate" I say and he kisses me stroking my head. I feel horrible. His dad is a piece of shit.
"Pheebs," he says against my hair.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"I know this is a lot of information at once, and we are still figuring it out. I need you to promise me you won't contact anyone or try to do anything about this," he says and I nod. I was planning on calling the prison. I want to see James Moore with my own eyes.
"I need to hear you promise me," Nathan says and I sigh.
"I promise," I say and feel horrible saying it.
"Good, now sleep my darling," he says and holds me in his arms. I find sleep, but it is not easy to.
Sawyer wakes us both up screaming. "She's hungry," I mumble against Nathan's chest.
"I got her," Nathan says. He rubs his eyes as he walks over to the bassinet.
"Shhh sweet girl," Nathan says, rocking her. I slip off my shirt and take her. She latches on and I close my eyes. Nathan has his arm wrapped around me and supporting Sawyer's head.
Sawyer eats and I am drifting. "Pheebs," Nathan says to keep me awake and I jump a bit. Sawyer unlatches and starts screaming.
"Shit," I groan. "I'm sorry, Sawyer," I say and hold my boob trying to get her to relatch. She won't. I am exhausted.
"Come on, Sawyer," I say and hold my boob out to her like I always do. She refuses. I take a deep breath trying not to get frustrated. Her screams only get louder.
"Here," Nathan says. He takes off his shirt and strips Sawyer out of her swaddle. He goes in the rocking chair and places her on his chest. Skin to skin. He wraps the heated blanket around them and turns it on. A gift from my dad when he heard since she is underweight she will be more likely to get cold.
Sawyer's cries turn into silence. I look over and Nathan has her asleep. "Baby whisperer," I say to him.
"No, she's just a daddy's girl," he says and I laugh. I close my eyes and put my shirt back on.
"I'll get her back down, you sleep," Nathan says and sleep I do. I am exhausted.