Muv-Luv Reversal

by Zuoriel

Takeru has been leading a normal life until now. During the summer vacation of his second year in college he's invited by his high school friends to meet up again, to which he agrees. Shirogane doesn't know that this decision would release the nightmares that have been haunting him for some time, nightmares that would be better left forgotten. [Under Rewrite - Done up to Ch.24]

62. Shirogane

A/N: Warning: This is the farthest point to go and read what's posted of D&R as of now, until Ch. 19 at the least. If you haven't just yet I do recommend to give it a read, otherwise this chapter will not make as much sense without that context, in my opinion. For those who haven't and won't read D&R, I'd like to know how this chapter resolved from your point of view, if everything was clear enough without the need to read the flashbacks.

That's all for now. See you at the chapter's end.

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Chapter 62: Shirogane – The One and Only

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December 16th. A few minutes before 12 AM.

(Hallway.)

[Takeru]

---

"December 12th, 2001.

Dear Takeru Shirogane-sama.

I hope it is you who is reading these words and not another, for this letter to have reached your hands safely.

I am convinced you might be confused, perplexed perhaps, after receiving this item and seeing the emblems engraved on its envelope. However, please banish all disquiet in you, for I am not your enemy. This letter is not a threat of aggression, but an endeavor to restore a connection thought gone long ago.

I have been made aware that the Royal Guards stationed at Yokohama have treated you with undeserved pungency when you arrived back to this Empire of ours. I also know that it seems you have lost parts of your memories, and so you might not remember the days we spent together. Due to this, I know it might be difficult for you to favorably welcome these following words, however please know that this is no deception and that I have no wishes to bring harm to your person.

You and me used to be close, almost like family. It is true our relation wasn't always pleasant, yet my memories of you are assuredly, overwhelmingly precious. Despite your humble origins, I am more than proud to say that you considered me one of your closest fellows at one point. I would be hoping, and more elated than any words could properly express, to regain that bond we used to share.

I understand that, in light of the events that have transpired since your return, you might be inclined to dismiss these words as nothing but falsehood. Therefore, allow me to prove to you now that I am no trickster, that I truly was someone you confided in, lived side by side with before we thought you gone. Please remain composed, I know that you might grow fearful but rest assured, I hold no ill will towards you.

You have a soft spot for both mackerel and natto rolls.

You usually tend to oversleep if left to your own devices.

You dislike being forced to employ formal speech much, usually reverting to your more lax manner of being once you grow either exhausted or famished.

You also have a propensity to delve into your inner thoughts often, ignoring all around you whenever that happens.

You like going stargazing when you have the time, though you often used to fall asleep as you were doing so.

And above all, you have a fiery fury lurking within you, manifesting it when you see others being treated unfairly for baseless motives.

I know that by now you might be rightfully fearful, to have a stranger possessing such knowledge about you. I know not what ails your heart, yet please believe me when I say that I was, and still am, someone you can place your trust in. I know all of this because we knew each other well before ruin befell you, before you suffered that regretful accident that teared you from our side. I cannot apologize enough for not having been by your side when that happened, whatever it is that occurred, and during all these years you were abroad and alone, for not looking for you and so easily assuming you were dead. From the bottom of my heart of hearts, I implore you to bequeath onto me your forgiveness, Takeru.

I understand if you're reticent about recalling events that bring only pain to you. If you wish to move on and lead a new life, then do so with my blessing. Know that, if you ever require anything, I shall do all I can to aid you.

However, if there's a part of you that would like to learn of who you were, even if only to dispel the uncertainty of your records, please do contact me. I cannot fathom how hard it must be for you to accept this with open hands, to learn that you once were close to a Royal Guard such as myself. Know that there are no conditions tied to my offer, I wish only happiness for you.

If you would desire my aid to learn of what I know of your past, all you need to do is contact me. I shall arrange a visit to your base as soon as I'm able.

And, were your answer be negative, then I wish you a fruitful life from now on in whichever path you decide to lead. To have learned that you yet live is enough reason to celebrate for me.

For if your future is smiling, then that is enough to appease me.

I wish to at least hear back from you once, even if only to say our farewell. While I do not know when will this letter reach you, I shall say so now in case you receive it at a later date. I wish you a happy birthday, Takeru. May you spend that day free of any worries, along those you consider your current fellows.

Well then, I hope this letter brought you some measure of comfort. To reiterate, there are no conditions tied to my aid. All I would be wishing is to merely have the chance to speak with you once more, one last time. I shall be anxiously awaiting your reply, however, if it is painful, I shall understand if you wish to dismiss this letter altogether as nothing but a mistake.

Until the day when we can meet again comes, I wish the winds' blessings to remain on your side.

An old acquaintance of yours

Raiko Amato"

…

The strokes denoting certainty in the writing, she didn't doubt or catch herself in her wording even once. The paper shows no ruggedness, so she didn't have to erase and reword anything. The phrases regarding our 'relation' being more marked, as if she had pressed the tip of her pen a bit more into the paper, the baton in them was more than obvious.

An edge of my right eye is beginning to water, I inhale through my nose as I reread the thing, the pain below my ears ever present as flashes of things appear in my mind, words echoing in the background.

"Raiko… Amato, huh?" I rub the back of my head, a slightly higher twinge of pain surging right below my ears as I finished reading it again, my eyes focused on her name.

What felt like a continuation of my dream in Komoro, seeing little me- no, little him arrive at the Koubuin House, seeing through the window of his new room the view of the sky I saw in the CCSE, again seeing glimpses of the Pickles and Yuuhi in his daily life, the people there seeing me… him really nasty, and then his trainings with… Kazora-san. How he seemed to grow used to training in Maya-san's style.

Just glimpses, small pieces and words. Yet, filled with such raw emotion, hitting like a truck. My right eye can't hold it back and I cry, feeling… his heartache on those days, the same fear I lived with in my world knowing that my parents could die at any moment, sensing his relief when Yohime-san seemed to accept him with a hug, that same lavender fragrance Meiya uses enveloping him back then and coming to my nose as a memory now.

I can understand the feeling, the fear of being all alone in an unknown place. Like how I was when everything started before I found my love in my first loops, when I restored a connection to one of my beloved and I became part of those worlds, when I stopped dreaming about my home world and no longer felt like an outsider. Feeling that closeness, that small reassurance imitated in his memories of Yohime-san and of his trainings I can't help but to smile. It's kinda like how I was when trying to make Mom and Dad proud by getting good scores in history and math back in middle school.

"…Of course the Pickles want you back. It's just like… how I wanna see my loved ones again." Man, this is so sad. I can understand well, it's not the same to be by their side than to be their lover.

Sure, I know that my priority is restoring balance between the worlds, and I want to keep all of them safe. I wanna help my girls as they helped me before, even if they don't love me here. That doesn't mean I don't feel like shit sometimes, hugging my pillow and enduring the nothingness that pierces all around me at night. I miss them a lot, so I can understand why they were so pushy this morning. It's thanks to Kasumi's support that I can get up fine without letting my nightmares affect me.

However, when thinking about Raiko… I gulp, wiping my tears and losing my smile. Feels as if I had just heard the 991.

Nothing good came out when I read that name. At first, when I examined the letter, it felt… oddly refreshing, as if I were talking with an old friend. But when I lifted my fingers from the sender's name before opening the envelope, I felt that it had to be mistaken somehow.

Raiko Amato, I think she's the one scowling at me in that memory in a garden. Everything feels so… shallow in that memory. As if the walls were closing in on me, as if I was trying to breathe in boiling steam. I can't hear anything, but I… he was super down as he watched the stars then. I think that then his Captain, Masahide-san, came to talk with him about… swords or something, and for some reason this Raiko didn't like that.

Guh… Taking a sharp breath, for a second something flashed in my eyes. Something blurry, as if I couldn't stop crying while people were raising their voices. Masahide-san was defending little me from the woman, who seemed to be royally pissed off at me. Coarse peasant, I could hear that well amidst the blurry mess. The rest seems to be some sort of red mist, too blurry to make anything out other than the searing pain in my chest, as if a piece of hot charcoal had suddenly hit me right in the heart.

Sigh… So she's one of those, huh? But still…

"What the hell is up with this woman?" I… can't muster any anger at her. Licking my lips into a frown, I groan and can't wipe the odd feeling from my mouth. It's… resignation? No, that's not it. Distrust, guilt… No, that's not it either.

I close my eyes and lean on a wall, but I can't get this… melancholy out of my head. His feelings… are not in order about this woman, can't find a word to describe this… like, rejection but understanding at the same time. About the man, it's clear affection and admiration. Adoration, almost. Masahide's position is crystal clear in his memories, but Raiko… An acquaintance, she called herself. That doesn't align with these feelings.

Yuuhi did ask me if I had received any letters. Is this their plan to make me ask for a meeting? But Raiko-san should hate my guts, if she's the proud, loyal, noble type she seemed to be in the memory. Yet, the strokes, the calligraphy don't show any of that emotion. It's not like I remember all my lessons to analyze written letters I took with Tsukuyomi-san when I got together with Meiya in my world, but something tells me there's no lies in these words.

But if that's the case…

I don't get it, I demand an explanation. This is too much bullshit, and that's coming from me. Maybe someone else wrote this using her name? No, considering his position as Yuuhi's stepbrother and possible husband, there shouldn't be many people that know of him or that would be told of this. This isn't Maya-san's writing, either. So… Which is it?

How can I tell what is what? Sensei should be dealing with Chief Yoroi. If I barge in now asking for her help, the Chief might take it the wrong way. I don't need them thinking Sensei dictates my every move or ordered me to inform her of everything I do, even if that's almost the truth.

…Still, now I can't lift my head off the ground. It's like when everything went wrong in my world. As if looking around was painful enough to tie my head to the pillow, not making me want to get out of bed. I don't know if what she wrote is true or not, but… his feelings towards her weren't warm at all. Raiko Amato…

An image flashed in my mind, a woman of around my stature with a hairstyle crazier than Meiya's, with two large spikes on the sides of her head and a large, sharp ponytail in place. I grimaced, feeling my mouth get clogged with an unpleasant taste. I put the letter back in its envelope, also stashing away the contact info this Raiko sent me along the thing. It's odd, I still can't… These memories aren't enough to make me angry or happy, it's just…

Sad, more than anything. Like… Like when I ran away, feeling like I had let down Meiya, Marimo-chan and the rest. When I forced myself to try to go back to normal as Kasumi's last word never left the background noise. Whether I'm sad for Raiko-san after reading the letter or this is about how they were before he died, I don't know for sure. Ugh…

I fold my arms, sighing as I look to the ceiling while walking without a clear destination.

How can I make sure what this letter says is true? Who would know if Raiko-san was truly a friend of yours? Sensei is busy now, talking with the Pickles about this is risky after how they were earlier, I can't ask Marimo-chan for this kind of thing…

Just what could I…

Wait a second. I do have someone I can talk with. But… Where is she now? Doesn't matter, I just gotta ask around. She wasn't in the sim room before, so… let's just go look.

"Wait… What do I do with the dodo plushie?" I still have it on me. Eh, I'll just leave it in my room for now, in case it has any bugs.

I look at the thing, which reminds me of one of the bird monsters in Procketmon that had two heads. It's all brown, has a pair of derpy eyes, and has its mouth open as if it were letting out a cry. It looks as weird as all the plushies Mikoto got in the other worlds. But that doesn't change the fact that I gotta be careful with it, in case it has bugs.

"You're going straight into detention, little bird. No use fighting it. If you wanted to be free, you should have grown some wings, should have raised your bird level. Gotta grind and level up, lil' dodo. …Though, in your case, it should be 'gotta bird up'." Pfft… What an idiot I am. I do wonder why he even bothers bringing these things here.

Anyways, enough screwing around. Let's go leave this thing in my room and begin my search.

---

Around the same time.

(Yuuko's Office.)

[Yuuko]

---

Sighing with a vengeance, I sit on my chair and he remains standing. I bring a hand to my chin, moving to face him directly. Chief Yoroi has remained oddly quiet since Pyatkh found him making his way to this floor. In his usual attire, hands in his pockets, he stood a few steps from the desk. The small smile never changing, the hidden arrow never leaving his eyes.

"…So, what is this about? Surely you didn't bring any odd souvenirs with you for the inspection teams, did you?"

"Oh, don't worry. I left the plushie in Takeru Shirogane's hands. However, if you were wanting to get your own dodo plushie, I could easily-"

"Chief, get to the point. I'm terribly busy today."

"…So the dodos aren't important, huh? I wonder, when was the last time you showed me a smile for my services?"

"If you don't want to be Hayase's punching bag for the next hour, start talking. I am busy, Chief. You should know why."

"Well, I was told that someone saw a few odd people following a certain group since a few days ago." He tips his hat downwards, losing the smile, gaining a lingering acid in his words.

"…I see. How does that relate to Alt. IV?" I did expect some people to notice, but for him to come personally… Which is it? On which side are you and Her Purpleness on?"

"I can understand why they would be curious." He smiles again, waving his hand as if trying to send a breeze to himself. "It seems that there was someone who had become a regular at a sushi shop in the Capital as of late. I do recall telling you of this new establishment, of how their Golden Rolls were culinary works of art."

"Oh, really? So, what is it with that regular?"

"You see, he was truly upset that the new business wasn't favored, that the rest preferred to go to the rotating kind of establishments. He often said that practice was against the spirit of sushi, that has to be eaten as its served." He nods, I slowly narrow my eyes as I sigh, beginning to spin on my chair.

"You don't say. So that regular was upset people weren't following the 'traditions'?"

"No, he was upset that everyone seemed to think rotating sushi bars were the only alternative left for the business to flourish, all to please the foreigners who saw traditional sushi bars as boring and bare-bones." He couldn't hide the acid again despite the smile never leaving. "I do agree to some extent with the proposition, waiting until the right sushi reaches my seat only to see it taken away by someone else is truly infuriating, won't you agree?"

"If I want something, I go and get it myself. If the rotary equipment has a determined serving place, I'd sit near it to not have to wait. Complaining about the system in such a way is truly childish." Barely answering, I lean on my palm as I send a side glance at him. His brows moved for a second.

"Well, I rather keep my inner child alive for as long as I can." He smiles and chuckles, looking undaunted by my glare. I'm at my wits' end here, so hurry up and get to the damn point. "Also, one could end up eating more than what one plans to in the rotary sushi bars. Temptation is a cruel, bewitching mistress after all."

"…So, what does this has to do with Alt. IV?" Stopping spinning, I let go of the chain of my face, now frowning at him and his attempts at making me trip. He coughs, sobering up.

"As I was saying, the old regulars were very upset, I'll have you know. However, after the Defense of Komoro, as sudden as a May affair, most of their movements were halted and I haven't heard them complaining as much as they used to."

"…What do you mean?" That's not what my informants have told me. Sagiri was still readying himself and his group, awaiting a spark to light up a blaze.

"So, you were not involved in that negotiation?" For a second I was about to retort to his accusation, I manage to only tighten my hands. He immediately raises his hands, regaining that small, insufferable smile. "Please don't shoot the messenger. I'm merely passing the question to you."

"…I was concerned about Sagiri, yes. I do not need any accidents to happen while we're in Sadogashima. I only had him under vigilance, that's all. What's this about halted affairs?" I have confirmed Sagiri is only a pawn, he lacks the backbone to truly perform a coup only with his loyal men. Only with support from… an outside source could he get his hands on all the map charts he would need, or the man power to actually take over the Capital and fight off the Royal Guard.

Knowingly going through the coup despite the risks, he must have been fed up with the status quo of the other world Shirogane went through. So, despite all the differences this world has, the pressure was lifted off Sagiri's shoulders and 'he seems to be quiet'?

Chief Yoroi slowly gets closer, leaning forward and producing a small notebook from his suit, with a pencil slotted on the side of it. He quickly scribbles something and passes me the page after folding it up. He puts a finger to his lips as I took the paper. Eyes only, huh?

…

Someone put pressure to stop the agitation that was being instigated to send Sagiri towards a coup. Part of it came from the growing support that Alt. IV is gaining back in America. The other… coming from a certain extremist group, that was one of the core backers of the rushing of Alt. V and the raid on the Original Hive. Huh, now this is interesting. I chuckle, since this is unexpected as a simple program eating up all my ram. Not that such a case hasn't presented itself in my time in charge of Alt. IV, but the point still stands.

"So he just… got quiet all of a sudden after Komoro? He isn't trying to do something on his own?"

"Indeed, what an odd occurrence, wouldn't you agree?"

"…I suppose you're here because you think this has something to do with Shirogane?"

"Oh, what has made you bring up his name here?" He raises a brow, a hand on his chin as he leans forward.

"Please, anyone could see where this was going. Sagiri was already aware of Ayamine's presence here, and I doubt he either knows or cares about Tamase, Sakaki or your daughter. And there's no way he knows of Mitsurugi's real identity. So, if your own scouts say he suddenly grew cautious after Komoro but that he hasn't called off his plans despite the aid we're giving to the Empire and this… easing of the tension from them, I suppose he saw Shirogane's name in the broadcast, and that has something to do with his newfound overcaution?"

"…You know, as of late I've been unable to surprise people with my reports." If I didn't knew him, I'd think he truly was at the verge of tears.

"Are you losing your edge, Chief?"

"Oh, that might be the case. Even Takeru Shirogane saw through my plushie with ease." He smiles, nodding once. Seeming pleased for some odd reason.

Sigh… Why did he give the plushie to Shirogane? He usually leaves the things here only to make our teams work on them pointlessly because they never have bugs. Perhaps… Trying to spur a memory to surface?

"…So, what is your real reason to be here? What does Her Highness require of me now?"

"No, this time Her Highness isn't the one directing my moves." He returns my gaze, slowly tipping his hat, quietly coming closer, briefly curving the edge of his lips. "So long as Alt. IV is successful, I believe Sagiri could be pacified if everything goes according to plan. While it is true some in the IJA used to dislike 1st Lt. Shirogane, I doubt they would act based solely on that feeling. The bigger factor being some of them becoming more supportive of your plan, however one cannot ignore the early change in their movements before you showed off the XM3."

"I see… So he had already gotten quieter before 'they' laid off the pressure?"

"Indeed. I do not discard that someone sent word to pause the hostilities in light of your announcement, yet I doubt that faction would simply give in so willingly."

"…Which means, one of them was in the retinues that came to the XM3's showcase. I suppose you want a list of the people that came, don't you?" He smiles and nods, again tapping his hat.

"Thanks for making my work easier, Professor. It is good to work with someone who gets to the point quickly."

"Sigh… What do I get out of this favor?" I could investigate on my own, though it makes it easier on me if he wants to lend a hand.

"Well… I can feed false intel of your choosing to certain parties, in case you wished to hide Takeru Shirogane while he remained serving the UN. As well as aid you in keeping an eye on the sushi bar, to not have your men stand out in the streets."

"…I suppose this works for our mutual benefit. I'll have Pyatkh give you the list before you leave, I'll contact you when I wish to have you keep your end of the deal." He nods, placing a hand on his chest as he then makes a small bow.

"Thank you kindly, Professor. However, there is one matter that must be addressed to raise the coming operation's chances of success to a degree many will be comfortable with."

"…And that is?"

"The cases of BETA appearing in the mainland. According to my informants, there were some… victims to these stray appearances after the last mission, thanks to some high ranking officers not sending the right support when it was needed. Of course, we owe you for that night's victory." He gives me a short, fleeting bow, I roll my eyes. Shirogane won't let me hear the end of this if he finds out. Great. Wait…

I never told him of the BETA attacking isolated settlements, did I? I wonder if he knows anyth… He did mention the BETA attacked the base, how they surfaced almost by our defenses' side in the mails he sent me about the Sadogashima mission of his last loop. Dammit, I should have asked him about this before. No matter, we're still safe. If Sadogashima goes better and we don't lose Model B this attack will be thwarted with ease and minimal losses.

"You seem… to be pondering something important, Professor." I look at him again, still smiling as his ballista readied itself, tensing his brows before shooting. "Do you have any intel you would be willing to share?"

"…No, I am merely pondering my moves to ensure Op. 21st succeeds. Moreover, the UN doesn't have authorization to move out in the western side of the Empire and doing so might upset some of the more avid loyalists in the IJA. You should know that well, Chief."

"Still, perhaps the A-01 could aid in these endeavors?" He tilts his head, the glint of the bolt openly visible in his eyes.

"They're readying themselves for the mission full time, and their Type-00s haven't been fully repaired yet. I cannot help you this time." I remain composed, my voice leveled and my expression neutral, sturdy as a wall. I don't know what caused him to be suddenly suspicious, but I can't, I won't show him anything. You made me trip multiple times since we met, I'm not going to keep letting you gain intel from me in the same way.

"…You wouldn't consider lending us the Viking along the Gleipnir for some scouting missions, at the least?"

"You do know who you're talking about. He doesn't leave this base, nor does his squad."

"…Surely you can't risk the BETA suddenly surfacing in Niigata while the Sadogashima operation is on-going?"

"I can manage just fine, thank you. I am making plans to counter any and all setbacks that might present themselves."

I narrow my eyes, entwining my fingers as I rest my elbows on the desk. He holds my gaze, bolts and arrows ready to come out yet restrained for now. Why does he want Shirogane to sortie? If he insisted on solely the Valkyries, I could understand. But coming specifically for him… He plans to use him as bait or to have him meet someone in the field. Still, he does have a point in that we can't overlook this situation.

According to Shirogane's notes of his past experience, the BETA attacked the base after Op. 21st coming straight from Gunma, hiding under the ground, and using our tactics to boot, possessing knowledge of how to deactivate an S-11. While we tested that the Reactor hasn't transferred our intel to the BETA yet, the Sadogashima Hive's tunnels can reach the mainland now so we have to take it down as soon as possible before they launch an invasion behind our defenses, even if Shirogane said nothing like that happened in his first loops. And the possibility of them launching an attack as of now, after we're having the 00 Unit connect to the Reactor and after all the tests I did to guarantee that no data was leaked, is a certain threat.

A threat I can use to my advantage. So long as the BETA are breathing down our necks, Sagiri won't be foolish enough to do a coup, I believe. And come next year Alt. IV will be showing off results left and right, giving the Empire more recognition and lifting the burden of the tight defense lines from their shoulders. Once the situation for the general population improves, he won't have most of his current backers within the IJA. If Alt. IV proves itself superior, America might openly accept it as the best plan and thus Sagiri's lifelines will vanish into thin air.

"I believe that it would be in your best interests to solve this issue now, with all due respect." He affirmed while I remained quiet, clashing his gaze with mine with the habitual inexpressive mask he wears.

"Surely you wouldn't be trying to use me for your own agenda, would you Chief?"

"Perish the thought. I merely find the timing of this deceleration odd, and very perplexing." He again smiles, slowly waving a hand as if it were a candle's flame. "If anyone wanted to strike at you, now would be the most opportune time. Yet, everything seems to be rather… calm, eerily so, compared to how everything looked in the field but a week ago. And if anything could reignite the tension, that is the stray BETA that randomly appear after they attack. The IJA will claim the defense lines were useless, that the UN was deceiving them. Maybe then they'll release the reports of the destroyed villages in the radios or through a broadcast, claiming the UN was pressuring them to keep quiet."

"So, you're saying they could rally their troops against us despite the fact that the BETA might still attack during this… infighting?" His eyes almost closed, his lower lip seemed to be forced to retreat within. He finally closed his eyes and nodded with a sigh. "Well, my showcase of the XM3 was successful so I trust to have the support needed to deal with anything that could come up. The IJA won't stop Alt. IV from starting."

"However, if said unrest made its way to the UN's Security Council-"

"Stop beating around the bush, Chief. What are you truly after? My help in… suppressing these soldiers before they act? You know that we can't take an open political position."

"…I already said I came here on my own, and I do not wish to have you start a fight with the IJA."

So you don't deny that you want the fight to occur, just that you don't want us to be the ones who start it, huh… Seems like Shirogane's notes also apply for this world, Chief Yoroi did leak the plans of Her Highness' escape from the Capital and seemed to be playing as a double agent, to the point that he had to 'vanish' and his daughter was taken in for questioning.

"Then, get to the point before I lose what little remains of my patience." I lean back on my seat, placing a hand on my chin. He coughs and again taps his hat.

"While I was tasked with delivering a pair of items here, there were another set of reasons for me to take the time to do so now. First, I left a letter in Takeru Shirogane's hands."

"…What? From who?"

"You can speak of it with him, if you're so inclined."

"…And who authorized you to do as you please in my base?" He says nothing, doesn't move, and remains returning my gaze. I frown, resting an elbow on the armrests, then placing my chin onto a coiled fist as I glare at him. "Answer me, who sent the letter?"

"…I am not UN, so I simply took my liberties." Damn it, Chief. Today of all days, to boot. "Also, Her Highness has already expressed her wishes to have Takeru Shirogane regain his memories. I wonder why you're so riled up about this…"

"Hmph… I am concerned, since he might have another shock as before, and having so little time left for the next mission there's no way I'd not be taking into consideration his mental health."

"Please, you should know that Op. 20th would come right after you complete Op. 21st.. Time is something we never have enough of, isn't it?" He chuckles, I can't help but mimic him.

"Yes, time is a luxury we do not have. Still… I would have preferred a report, a request to proceed with the idea. I suppose, you have no intention to reveal who the sender was?"

"…I suggest you to talk about this with Takeru Shirogane, and proceed as you believe is best after hearing his thoughts." Rough and dry, inflexible as my equations' numbers. Ruthless and cold, without caring a single bit about my needs or position, only caring about the right result. Heh, people can be just as, if not colder, than my research is to me, after all.

"…I will remember this little… mischievous act of yours, Chief." I smile, leaning back again. "If something is wrong with Shirogane after he reads this little letter… I'll make sure you repay me, and him, for your carelessness."

"I shall accept any punishments or requests you place on me. You were the one who taught me not to hesitate when reaching out for my goals, after all." He then chuckles, I again mimic him.

Though, our laughter is dry, restrained in our throats. And our smirks, twisted in their edges, are but a wordless confirmation on our dissidence. Of course, his loyalty lies with Her Purpleness after all.

"Well, the other reason I am here today is this." He takes out a small data pad from his suit, placing it on my desk. "Here is the confirmation of all troops that will take part in the coming operation, as well as the most recent intel on our sightings of the BETA in the mainland and Sadogashima. The IJA will place most of its military might at your service, and both the Navy and the Army are more than ready to lay down their lives to earn humanity's first victory."

"…You could have saved valuable time for us both had you had gotten to the point."

"Haha, what can I say? I love monologuing." He chuckles for a moment, then places his hands within his pockets once more. "As for my own reason to be here… I am of the opinion that, considering this odd step back that was taken, you should watch your back. Many are the people pleased with your developments, but many more are those whose expectations have been dashed."

"So, basically, what I was already doing." However, if they gave up on Sagiri, it might mean their catalyst could have changed to fit the new board we created. "And I suppose that you have certain… interests vested in how this is resolved."

"Ahaha… I cannot best your eyes, it seems." So the notes do apply to this world too. Now it's a matter of whether we are on the same side or not… "If you ever require my services, all you need to do is call. Also, I insist on you sending some help to investigate this matter of the stray BETA. Not only for my own wishes, but for yours as well."

"…I'll keep it in mind. Anything else?"

"Not from me. I suppose Takeru Shirogane will come with the news in due time." He chuckles, until I frown and lean forward. "I believe he might deserve a brief break from his duties. After the Komoro fight, even if strings were pulled, many have learned of his presence here."

"You say he has enemies that are coming after us?" How odd, they never revealed much about him. What is it with them now? "Out with it, who is it?"

"…It's the opposite, actually. I heard the young Guards have been a bit too problematic for your tastes?" I sigh, shaking my head, as I roll my eyes. "Ahaha… I don't think anyone will insist on him leaving the base as before, so rest assured in that. Her Highness does not oppose him working for the UN. Yet, there are some that desire to see him, confirm for themselves he truly is alive and that he indeed is who he claims to be. Especially after the Viking's performance on the last battle. Oh, and do not worry. We are working to keep trouble away from your horizon, Professor. No one wants such a beautiful face squinting her eyes so."

"Siiigh… Is Her Highness asking for another meeting, then?"

"…No, but not everyone is as patient as Her Highness or the Tsukuyomis, nor do many see you in such a good light as her."

"…Is that so?" The feeling is mutual, then.

If the Guard keeps pressuring us, Shirogane might react negatively. I should call for him to be brought here, I need to know what was in that letter and who wants to see him. He's… a too valuable asset to be hindered by these fools. Much less now that the 00 Unit is beginning to adapt to the XG's data, even if it overloaded itself again. I need him… operating at his full capabilities, so I cannot let anything burden Shirogane any more.

"Shirogane is currently required to stay here, focused on the missions. He isn't leaving anywhere, and he won't be meeting anyone from the Guard besides Her Highness or the ones in his squad."

"…I believe I might not want to push further." And you chose right, Chief. "By the way, might I ask about that… device he has on his head?"

"…It's there to help him keep his migraines in check, that's all." I stand up, going to make me some coffee, grabbing a small cupcake.

"I see. So, regarding the matter of-"

"I'll send some scouts, if I can spare them. Preparing for Sadogashima is my priority, as should be yours."

"…Indeed. Oh, before leaving, I'll leave you a-"

"Bring out another plushie or a weird rock and I'm calling the Valkyries." I grab my communicator with the haste of Yashiro's running speed when faced with carrots.

"Ahaha… I have nothing on me. Please drop the comms, Professor." I do so slowly as I narrow my eyes at him. He then softly sighs, placing a lone finger over the rim of his hat as he looks at nowhere. "Ahem… Simply allow me to give you a bit of advice. She can be very stubborn, and I believe she won't stop insisting until you allow her to visit the base."

"…Who are you talking about?"

"The woman that sent a letter to Takeru Shirogane. Watch out for her, she also has a short temper as you do and it would be a shame if the relations with the Guard worsened all of a sudden."

"…That was a threat."

"No, it wasn't. If he truly is Takeru Shirogane…" He closes his eyes, massaging his chin as he exhales through his nose. So he still has doubts, huh. "…then, you should have nothing to worry about. He should know the truth, it won't do him good to remain in the dark for the following missions, especially if you desire to send him to mainland Asia in the Cheorwon mission."

"That is for me to decide," I glare at him squinting my eyes, "as his current tutor," I added a second later. "Shirogane hasn't said he wants to learn of his past, and so, I see no reason to force the situation when it could backfire."

"Is that so?"

His eyes looked right into mine for a moment, that same coldness, that same harshness, that same arrow aimed right at my throat. I returned the glare, slowly eating the cupcake and silently retaliating towards his wordless accusation.

"…I'll call Pyatkh to escort you out, and to give you the list you were wanting. I expect to hear back from you if you find anything suspicious about anyone."

He placed both hands on his suit as he straightened it up, gave me a smile, tipped his hat with a single finger, and bowed to me, departing without his traditional wordplay. I called Pyatkh and relayed the orders to her as he left.

…So, someone big is coming after Shirogane and the Chief still doubts that he's their Shirogane while also thinking I'm keeping him from the truth. I assume, Her Purpleness must have been upset at me if she was told of 'The Viking's' way of piloting during the last BETA assault we had to fend off. Sigh… Nothing I can do, save for preparing for whoever it is that wants to poke their nose where they shouldn't. And more loyalists to boot, great.

That being said, where is Shirogane? Why didn't he contact me about this letter? Let's see… my inbox doesn't have anything from him. He… wouldn't be thinking on meeting this person, would he? No, what was he doing until now? Considering this threat… Why have you not come to me already?!

No, that doesn't matter. I inhale deeply, feeling the smell of the coffee before I drink it as I slowly sit down. I'll send him on a special mission if things look bad. I cannot lose such an important… resource, without him I can't tune the 00 Unit. I also can't ignore what his absence will do to the girls of his Cadet squad, what with the fluctuations of G-Radiation they've been showing when he wasn't around them. The Guard can't be so idiotic to do something against me now when the mission is so close, even if Her Purpleness gets all riled up about how I'm handling 'her stepbrother'. However, Shirogane did keep quiet about something regarding their relation… Perhaps, that is the reason why they're insisting so much. I can only wait until he comes and tells me of what the letter said, of who is coming after him.

Now, regarding the rest of the report… The IJA can complain all they want, if they are so stupid to want to pick a fight with me… They'll pay the price. I'll leak a rumor about how part of the UN wants to hoard all the G-Elements from Sadogashima for my research since they feel threatened by the IJA's current hostility displayed in the last few BETA invasions when we tried to cooperate with them. They know that they can't attack this base, so I'm sure the few people with common sense in charge will do their job and rein in the idiots that think that can point their barrels at me. That should deal a finishing blow to Sagiri's supporters, if the American instigators are truly taking a step back. I really can't do much more with these idiotic, fanatic types in our military, so it's all in how the Americans play their cards now. Sigh…

Finishing my coffee and eating another cupcake, I grab my comms and open its last connection again.

"Pyatkh, do you copy?"

"Yes, loud and clear."

"After you escort Chief Yoroi out of the base, go look for 2nd Lt. Shirogane and bring him to my office."

"Yes. Anything else?"

"…If you see them before finding Shirogane, tell Major Jinguuji and Captain Isumi I want to speak with them at 1600 hours in the STF's Briefing room. Otherwise, do so after you bring him here. That is all."

"Yes, Ma'am!"

---

A few minutes after that.

(Training grounds. Firing range.)

[Takeru]

---

Getting out of the base, the sunlight greets my steps. The sky being half covered by some soft white clouds, I shield my eyes with a hand as I walk into the firing range, towards the small mounds of sand were one aims at the far targets placed where we once used to played our lacrosse match. Heh, imagine if we had to do that in this world.

I shiver a bit, used to the heating inside, slowly scanning the area for the people I'm looking for. Hmm… Oh, there's one. Wearing the usual UN jacket and holding a rifle as she aimed, her ash-gray hair fluttering a bit by the wind, her brows made a tight line above her eyes, she began firing at the targets.

I lightly jog, kicking off a bit of dirt off the ground, getting closer to the firing positions. She noticed me approaching and stopped shooting, getting out of her spot and standing up to greet me.

"Shirogane-san? Good afternoon." Saki-san said, then gave me a small bow as I got closer. She shivered a bit as a gust suddenly kicked in, rubbing her arms.

"Good afternoon, Saki-san." I give her a lazy salute, she seems to gain a small smile as I did. Now that I get a good look at her… She looks terribly similar to that ash-gray haired woman I saw in between some flashes when I received the letters. Maybe that was her mom? "Do you know if Hikami is here?"

"Yes, she's in the sniping section. Um… Do you need something from her?"

"I was just… wanting to speak with her about some stuff. If you're all busy I can wait, though."

"Oh, no, it is no trouble." She smiled, entwining her fingers. She gestures me to follow as she begins to walk, so I follow behind. "Um… Have you been faring well?"

"Thankfully, yes. What about you guys? Are you holding out fine with the XM3?"

"Yes, the learning process has been a bit slow, however." She sighed, looking like a dandelion after a strong gust, but quickly recovered her faint smile as she eyed my forehead. "Um… Why do you have that… thing on your head?" She tilted her head, staring right at the headband.

"Hair being wack, yo." I'm starting to sound like a broken boombox.

"Huh?"

"My hair is just too long and rebellious, so I keep it in check like this."

"I s-see… Pfft…" She had to cover her mouth to not laugh out loud. Hey, finally someone genuinely laughs at my bad puns. It's good to see her being well and openly laughing, despite everything that's been happening as of late since Komoro.

Taking a turn, we arrived at the dedicated practice spot for sniping and got closer to the two figures that were hunched over. Hikami was in position by Okamoto's side right under the sun as they began firing at the targets, both in their tank tops. Hmm… So Hikami is the one who's good at sniping, huh.

"Arisa-san, could you come for a minute?" Saki-san asked as we got to their side.

"Hm? What is it?" The arched brows melted away in a flash when she turned around and saw me. "Oh, if it isn't Shirogane." She got off her sniping position and, after stroking her hair to a side, she gave me that same 'saint-as-a-nun' smile. "Good afternoon, how would you be faring?"

"Fine, no complains here."

"Could you be here to practice your aim as well?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk with you."

"Oh? About what we spoke of last time?"

"Yeah, kinda." I scratch my head, looking to the sky. "Do you have the time?"

"Why, yes, of course. Kaori, can you keep practicing with Yuri?" Saki-san nodded and, after giving me one look, she went to Okamoto's side, who gave me a relaxed smile and a salute that I returned. "Shall we?" She tilted her head, already moving away from the range.

"Oh, before that. I'm going to be cooking some stuff around 1500 hours in our PX, if you're free feel welcome to come by."

"Hm? Why would you be cooking?" Hikami asked, tilting her head yet not looking surprised at all.

"Today is my birthday, and maybe you could use the situation to spend some time with Chizuru then. She seemed kinda down after our morning's training." She really needs to let out some steam, and Hikami can help her with that being an old friend of hers. There's things I can't talk with this Chizuru since we're not lovers, so I can only rely on others to lend her a hand for now. So, I'll use my birthday as bait to get them to come and lend her an ear… Nice improvisation, if I say so myself.

"I see… I shall gladly accept your invitation then." Her smile widened, she seemed as pleased as a kitty under the sun doing belly flops. She… does look pretty right now.

For a second, a view of a much younger, child-like Hikami came into my eyes. Smiling widely at me, saying something about pirates and curses… So she was… a friend of yours since an early age, too?

"What about you two?" Hikami turned around and asked her friends, who seemed all in the idea.

"Of course I'd like to go, if it would be okay." Saki-san tapped her fingers, slightly lowering her head, making her fringe cover one of her eyes.

"You're all more than welcome if you wanna come by." I smirk and give them a thumbs up, the other two smiled back at me.

"Thanks a lot for the invitation, Shirogane." Okamoto said, basically rebounding upon herself as Mikoto tends to do. "We really appreciate you being so nice."

"Nah, it's cool. No need for thanks."

"Well… Some in the IJA weren't as nice to us." She looks down, the other two also do. "So, thanks a lot for the invitation. By the way, what will be in the menu? Will there be some pizza?" Okamoto's eyes shone as she bounced towards me, her lips slightly quivering as her hands did too. She looks like a little puppy waiting for a treat.

"Yuri, please remember your manners." Hikami's tone resembled my mom's, she caressed some hair behind her ear as Okamoto chuckled while scratching her head.

"Well, I am going to make some pizza." Her eyes shot wide open with a smile as some sort of squeal left her lips, Saki-san giggled at her while Hikami sighed and shook her head. "Also some yakisoba and apple pies. Haven't decided what else to do."

"Oh? You're… baking apple pies?" Hikami slowly brought a hand to her chin, suddenly turning serious.

"Yeah? You like them too?"

"…Yes, I like them much. Someone dear to me… used to bake them frequently some years ago." Her hand delayed the stroke on her strand of hair as her eyes dove into the ground. She was smiling, though. Not a wide smile, but a soft, tender one. The other two, however, seemed really uncomfortable now as they stole a brief glance my way.

…First the Pickles, now Hikami and the other two. So, you also knew how to bake apple pies? And they also seem to like them much… Man, I'm jelly. Only Sumika and Haruna-san praised my cooking back home. Mom was always teasing me about how I could get better, so she never gave me any praise, Dad… was Dad, and Uncle Koetsu did earnestly like them but since he didn't visit frequently I couldn't really prep anything in advance for him back home. I never got to share my cooking with anyone else, since I was super scared of doing so despite Sumika's egging and teasing.

"Well, I'll make two or three of 'em, so come early if you want some slices. First come, first served."

"Indeed, such food is… truly more delicious when it is freshly out of the oven." Hikami nodded, the other two did the same as they returned to a neutral expression.

"I'll hope to see you there then." I smile and they nod, Saki-san and Okamoto taking their positions on the sniping range, me and Hikami putting some distance to have our talk.

Sigh… Alright, I'm here. Can't turn back now, gotta get those answers however I can. Softly biting my lips, I fold my arms and turn around before leaning on the wall. Facing the immutable, composed, welcoming smile of Hikami, I coughed before speaking up.

"First, sorry for coming outta nowhere and interrupting your training."

"Please, it is no bother. I was the one who told you to seek me out if you were wishing to talk of anything." A hand resting on her chest, she remained smiling as the distant sounds of the gunshots recoiled through the air. "So, whatever may I help you with?"

"I received a… letter just a while ago."

"A letter? Oh, did you had some relatives somewhere in… O-Oh, my apologies."

"…It's cool, really. The thing is… I believe the sender got me mixed with… that other Takeru Shirogane."

"Oh? Who was the sender?"

"…Raiko Amato."

Hikami's smile suddenly vanished, as fast as if it was shot down by lasers. A thin, rigid line were her lips, and her brows and eyes spawned cracks around them. Even her posture became more uptight as she sent a hand to her hair, her eyes didn't leave mine though.

"…Did you read the letter?"

"Yeah, so… Well, I don't know if she's actually talking about me or about the one you knew before. Was this Raiko a fellow of the Takeru Shirogane you knew?"

"…Hmm. Could you tell me of what she wrote, if it isn't a private matter? Just to make sure she's who I believe she might be." She got all defensive, kinda reminds me of how Meiya and Tsukuyomi-san were with me when they couldn't tell me why they had come to live with me back in school. What does this mean? Is she worried because this Raiko is ruining their slow burn approach or because she's an enemy?

"Well… She said she used to be close to me, she wrote and nailed about some stuff I do and like, and repeated many times that she wanted to see me again. It's just that, well, I find it hard to believe that I would have been a fellow to someone like her."

"…However, you seem… disturbed by the arrival of this letter." She holds my gaze, suddenly feeling more imposing, pushy almost.

What do I say? I know I should have an answer already, but I still am not sure if I wanna stay here in this world. I think she and the Pickles do want me to remain as I am now, but what about… Wait, that's it!

"I mean, if I'm not who she thinks I am, considering she sounds important, she might think I'm a faker or something. I… well…" Deep breaths, come on. In the end, they'll forget about it once I vanish if I leave. "To be honest, I don't think we could have been on good terms as she said we were, if she's talking about me of course." Honesty mixed in with lies, as Sensei would say. Necessary bullshit, in my case.

"Eh? Do you… remember something about this person?" I couldn't help but to flinch as her eyes shone like a sun in expectation, forcing me to look away.

"Well… Not entirely. Thinking of being close to a Royal Guard, reading the letter made me… remember when someone apparently called me a coarse peasant, so I don't think someone important as her would have liked me much if we met." The inner side of her brows lowered, an edge of her lips twisted inwards. "I don't know what to think about her, and the more I mull over this the more feelings of… of sad and frustration that come to me, for some reason. I just don't know what to make of this, to be honest. For someone who uses such complex and formal wording to have been a fellow before… Well anyways, do you know anything about her?" Not entirely a lie, and since I think they want me to stay as I am now they should want to clear the misunderstanding up, to avoid me from falling into remembering the 'awful memories' as the whole truth.

I look at her right in the eye, a cloud slowly moving up there and covering her face as she slowly closed her eyes. Arching her brows and placing a few fingers on her chin, she groaned as the wind swayed her long hair as if it were a withering candle. She let out a sigh, and again smiled my way when she opened her eyes.

"If she sent you a letter, I assume the emblem of her family was somewhere in the envelope?"

"Oh, yes. It resembled a lotus flower, kind of. The stamp was all in burgundy, a really strong one."

"I see, so she is who I thought. I do know just a bit about her, thanks to the sparse time we worked together during the battles of the '98 and '99. I can't speak about the confidential matters, but I can certainly tell you of who she was, to see if you remember anything else. Would that be alright with you?"

"Yes, please do." Her smile widens and then she comes to lean on the wall right by my side.

"Well then… Raiko Amato-sama is a Captain as of now in the Royal Guard, I believe. She's a member of the High Shinpan, born into the station and trained as such."

"Shinpan… Oh, those were the red guards, right?"

"Hehe, indeed. However, they are divided into Low and High ranks. The woman that sent you the letter is part of the highest nobility right below the Regent Houses."

"…That sound dangerous for me."

"Do you believe… she's someone who had ill intentions towards you?" She gazes right into my eyes, a hand placed on her neck in clear worry. I look away as I scratch my nose.

"I'm just… shocked, for real. I mean, I can't see how she and me could have been close considering how I usually am." I really have no clue, for real. She giggles, relaxing a bit. "So, what else do you know?"

"Hmm… Well, she's someone truly dedicated to our Empire. She's also very strict when it comes to one's eating habits, going by the few times we had the chance to share food during the BETA Invasion."

"I see…" That's not what I expected to hear, but nothing is coming up as of now.

"Ahem… Amato-sama was… also truly formidable in a dojo." Wow, she got all serious. Her lips narrowing, she looked at the ground with a fixation as if she were readying herself to snipe someone. She, very slowly, began to rub one of her arms. "She was very dedicated to her training, and also made sure her fellows remained in top form all the time. She valued our traditions much, and upheld them in and out of the battlefield. Perhaps being too stoic and inflexible at times, yet always wishing to be at the forefront as a banner of courage for her fellows. Valor was something she did not lack."

My brows grow tense, my tongue whipping at my teethes' rear. I can only coil my hands under my arms, a sudden alertness surfacing in my stomach.

"She sounds… like someone I wouldn't get along with."

"Is that so?" Her tone fell of the stairs, she looked down. "Why do you think so, if I may ask?"

"Well… If she was such a prideful person, we wouldn't have been on the same page. Someone like her wouldn't have seen me with good eyes. She does sound like someone who would call me a 'coarse peasant'." I now scowl, suddenly wanting to spit on the ground. Yet, the melancholic, quietly regretful feeling never leaves my head. The pain under my ears ever present as well, my shoulders and chest feel heavy all of a sudden.

"I… concede she might be too forward and unrelenting in her ways, however…" Hikami returned my gaze, sighing and smiling once more as a few fingers tapped her chin. "I am of the opinion that Amato-sama truly is a caring fellow underneath her harsh external persona."

"Really?" She nods, her lips and brows curving downwards, a deep trench submerging inside her eyes.

"Yes. While perhaps she could have been at odds with you, she might have… grow fond of you for some reason, she might have seen you possessed a praiseworthy quality for example. Someone of her station wouldn't stain her honor by deceiving you with false words, at the very least."

"…So you think she's telling the truth? She was speaking about me in the letter, and not about… the Shirogane you knew?" A hand of hers twitched, before she relaxed it as she placed it on her chest. Slowly releasing air from her nose, easing her tension, she hesitated for a moment.

"…Yes, I am of the opinion that she may be referring to you."

"…I see. Kinda hard to believe, to be honest." I put both of my hands behind my head, looking up to the clearing skies. "Not to doubt you or anything but, how are you so sure she means what she wrote?"

"Well… Besides the fact that uttering such words would be a stain for her traditions, if you were a fellow of hers I think it obvious she would be… more than elated at the prospect of seeing you again." Placing both of her hands near her neck as softly as leaves swaying to the ground, as slowly as if one were leaving a baby to sleep, she smiled again. The baton in her words was again obvious.

"Are you sure?" It's kinda hard to endure her gaze. What the hell did he do to make you all like him so much?

"…I am sure Amato-sama has lost many important people in these years. So, it is only natural that she desires to reconnect with a fellow thought gone, in my opinion. Wouldn't you do the same if you found an old fellow after a long time of not being away from one another?" I curve a brow as I groan, unable to rid myself of these conflicting, twisting, acidic feelings in my gut.

"Huh, it's not that I don't see what you mean… Still, I find it hard to believe."

"I see… Is it so hard to accept her words openly? She truly might care much about you, for her to write you a personal letter I am of the opinion that it what she wrote must be indeed the truth. Royal Guards value their word greatly, after all."

"…Sigh. I don't think I'd have gotten along with someone like her. Even if she once saw me in a good light…" That was probably tied to how he changed after Mogami. She sounds like someone who would support that madness if it is 'for the good of the Empire'. This was enough, I've got my answer. "…I don't want to reconnect with someone like that, considering I'm UN and I don't agree with that fervent loyalist views now." I leave the wall, give her a smile, and nod her way. "Thanks for indulging me, Hikami. I'll be seeing you at the PX later." I wave at her, taking a few steps back to the base.

"Um…" She raised her voice, following after me with her gaze on the ground. "There are some… personal matters I know of that might… aid you in making a better judgment of Amato-sama." Almost stuttering, slow as a turtle, seems like she could barely bring out the words.

"…I mean, if it's something personal you shouldn't be speaking of it."

"Still, if it is to rekindle a bond, I am sure she would understand. It would be… a shame if you lost a fellow simply because of these prejudices."

So… I'm acting like they guys were at the start? I guess that shutting everything away isn't the right thing to do. Rejecting the Guard like that won't make them understand me, even if I'll have to find a way to do just that. I doubt this Raiko-san will take it as nicely as the Pickles did earlier today.

"Okay, please tell me then." I return to the wall alongside her, who now had regained her shining smile, putting noon's brightness to shame.

"Well then… I heard that she lost her house and most of her family during the Fall of Kyoto, I believe." Oh, right. I did see Yohime-san and the burnt remains of the Koubuin House in one memory during the XM3's test. That… must have hurt like hell to all of them, like I was after Iceberg. She takes a short pause, probably to gauge my reaction, and then continues without letting go of my gaze. "I am sure that for someone as dedicated as her, losing her whole world to such an accident, only to be followed by the ruin of the BETA invasion all the way to Tokyo must have been excruciatingly hard. To fail to save one's beloved people, to see them be… s-squashed by the BETA…" Her hands claw at her clothes, she heaves a sigh.

"Sorry, please don't force yourself."

"…Thanks for your consideration, Shirogane." And again, she smiles at me oh so sweetly that if we weren't talking of something serious I would have blushed. "I am most convinced that you could have become someone truly dear to her, if you weren't already one, during those hopeless days."

"…So, you think that I… became someone important for her then?"

"Oh, it is merely a guess, nothing but me thinking out loud. I didn't work with her until after the Fall of Yokohama, so it is true I'm basing myself on other people's words as of now." She waves a hand in the air, giggling nervously. "I am sure that… you also lost much as the BETA's ruin followed you before." I shivered at her words, her so accurate words.

"W-Well… I'm sure that was the case."

"…For her, to see all her acquaintances and family dying one after the other during the battles… Is it so hard to believe that you could have found comfort and reassurance in each other's company during those days? What do you think?"

Losing important people… one after the other… Being followed by ruin… That's… a bit too similar to what happened to me back home. Right… If he was in Kyoto during the fall, if he lost his new house after being adopted into the Koubuin House, then he also… lost everything. And if Yuuhi left him alone later then…

Isn't that just as what happened to me after Iceberg, where I lost my loved ones, my squad, my base, and ended up alone after everything went to hell thanks to the G-Bombs?

Isn't that a bit too similar to be a coincidence?

"…O-Of course, I am not saying you had to fight back then." She raised her voice, a hand now on her hair and her eyes elsewhere. "But I am sure you had to suffer through your fair share of accidents and farewells on those days as everyone did."

"Accidents and… farewells, huh?"

"U-Um… I didn't mean to… Have my words brought unpleasant memories back to you?" She looked petrified on the spot, as the Pickles were when I tapped my brows during our talk today.

She's worried… about sparking my memories back. So he truly… went through that?

"Do you think… that applies to me too?"

"…Well, all of us lost irreplaceable people during the invasion. I am sure the ruin that befell our nation took many a great deal of valuable people and places from you as well."

"…I see. Yeah, you're totally right."

I look up, my eyes barely open now, the pain below my ears reappearing, the cold hands poking my sides as if they were vultures, pecking away at what soft, little composure I'm trying to muster as the eternal wasteland tried to return to my sight.

"Um, if it is painful to speak of the past, I apologize." She gave me a small bow, getting just a tiny bit closer. "It was insensitive of me."

"…It's alright. Don't worry."

"Is that so?"

"…Yeah, it's cool. So, you do think we were close?" She nods, again looking at the ground.

"Yes. Perhaps, you… used to cook for her? Homemade food is truly a blessing during harsh times, after all."

"…You think I used to do that?"

"W-Well, you seem confident in your cooking, enough to invite us to your birthday party of sorts. Surely you also offered it to those who were close to you before? Perhaps, did you learn abroad how to cook?"

"…Did Raiko-san mention homemade food during your talks with her?"

"…She was fond of it, truth be told." She smiles my way, edging closer. "Perhaps, this was your way of comforting her during those days. Do you recall ever cooking for anyone else?"

"…Yeah, I used to." Back in my world. To… the people I saw as my family. To the ones who were like family despite not being related to me.

So, if Masahide-san was as close to you as he seemed to be… And, at some point, Raiko-san also began to favor you… Did you cook for them as well? Is that why the Pickles reacted when I spoke of the apple pie? But… But that means…

"Ahem… Would you be more comfortable hearing more about Amato-sama herself, perhaps?" Yet, despite her welcoming smile and tone, I looked away to the skies. Losing myself into my own head, again making a list of odd similarities.

A squashed world. Losing important people, being followed by ruin, having my home fall apart. Knowing how to cook, people confirming it separately. Owning the Minaru Kamui, being trained by Maya-san in her style. Being comforted by the same lavender perfume, living with the heir of an important family.

A world made out of the mixture of my home world and the transferred data from the other parallel worlds, a reaction caused when the G-Bombs fell on a parallel branch where no link was formed. Everyone's lives and backgrounds altered to make both sets of causal data be 'True' in this world.

Does that… also apply to me? Why did I not think about that until now?

I never knew how to cook in my past lives. I learned only when I had returned from the BETA worlds, when I got serious about not being a bother to my parents while I was in college before all that mess happened. While I did live with Meiya, it wasn't for as long as he was with Yuuhi. Even if he was to become attached to her, to be given the Minaru Kamui as I was in my world instead of the handguard as in all the others of the Betaverse and the ring she left me in my home world's branches… to be trained by Maya-san as I was before the transfer…

And more importantly… Now that I think about it, Yohime-san did die by being squashed by the Warriors in that flash of a memory I saw. Almost… as if she were squashed by a light post, one could say.

Even in the memories of his training… He was using his heels to move. I learned to do that after reading up on how to train better back in my world while I was preparing to come back. I didn't do that in the other loops.

No, think about it calmly. I'm just seeing his memories because I'm a Nucleus. That's all there is to it. Because of my absorption of G-Radiation, I see his memories and feelings. So, I only remember his life because of that. Yeah… It has to be that…

"Shirogane? Shirogane!"

"Eh? W-What?" Hikami's face was… a bit too close, a hand of hers was shaking my shoulder.

"Is everything alright? Your face grew ever solemn the more silent you were."

"Yeah… Sorry, I tend to space out when I'm thinking to hard. I had thought I was over that bad habit of mine." I give her a bow, scratching the back of my head.

"Is that so?" She smiled sweetly, caressing a strand of hair. "Forgive me if I made you uncomfortable. Perhaps, would you prefer to be in a more proper place to speak of this? This may not be the best location to have a conversation that could make you regain some memories. What do you say?"

"Well… That's true." This shouldn't be the place to have a talk where I can… Wait, why does that… "The proper place… to remember…"

"Is something the matter?"

"No, it's just… Remembering something in a place where I shouldn't, something feels… odd about that phrase."

"Is that so?" She got closer, downcast brows, her hand entwined. "Are you feeling well? Would you rather end our talk here?"

"No, it's not that… It's just…" What is this odd itchy feeling on my gut… Remembering where I shouldn't…

A location where I can regain memories. That should be this base, right? I can only inherit feelings from other versions of myself by absorbing G-Radiation, like when I got the dread towards the BETA on my first loops. Memories, on the other hand, are another matter entirely.

But, if I can only gain experiences of other entities while on the base's perimeter…

Why did I see his memories during the CCSE?

But there's no radiation whatsoever in that island.

According to Sensei, I can only inherit memories and feelings of other versions of me when absorbing G-Radiation through the combined effects of the Conductor and the Nucleus.

That's not how I actually remembered parts of my life in my original world during my first loops, how I recalled my promise with Meiya at the park and taught to that version of her our meaning for the 'See you later'. That's a natural process of drawing data about myself, as it happened back home when I began to have daydreams about my prior life, when I finally remembered everything as I got to play the BETA campaign of Valgern-On.

There was no G-Radiation involved in that, since they were my own memories. I didn't need to absorb more, since they had already became a part of me through my experiences and were trying to resurface as they leaked completely into me after my return home, with me being so different then that it took two years for the transfer to finish thanks to the fact that a link was still open with the other worlds.

But, to gain experiences of other Shiroganes, I need to absorb G-Radiation first to establish a link with the data, and to continue to absorb it to finish the transfer. That's what Sensei explained to me when I gave her the papers of the Nucleus from my world's Sensei.

But then, if that is true… Why did I see his feelings, hear his voice during the CCSE? Not only during my fight with Mion… As I was talking with Chizuru, I saw the view of the sky from his room in the Koubuin House, heard his promise with Sumika.

If I can only gain experiences of other versions by absorbing G-Radiation and being in the base… Then, if I recall anything while being away…

Isn't that the same as what happened back in my world when I regained my own memories of my loops?

Does that mean… that… just as everybody else seems to be an amalgamation of the versions of my world and that other world in this reality… since I had absorbed the fear of BETA from the me of the Betaverse, since that was already a part of myself… Is this world's me…

…

"Shirogane? Are you truly feeling well?"

Sensei warned me, before the transfer. She warned me about losing my memories after the transfer, due to the delay it could have. That I would live a 'living hell' if that were to happen.

Then, if I transferred myself to a branch of the world I originally went to and then the world was reset to make the causality true… Does that mean that… this world's me… was based… on me? Does that make us… one and the same?

…

"Shirogane? Um… Sigh…"

It has to be a mistake. I must have gotten something wrong somewhere. But I can only gain memories that aren't from my own experiences through absorbing that radiation… If not, then it's like back home when I began to regain my own memories… B-But… I can't be him. This has to be a mistake. It has to be.

"Shirogane!"

"Huh?! Ah…"

"What would be the problem?" Hikami was staring at me, tense and nervous as I would be in front of a physics test. "Would you be in pain?" She got closer, placing a hand on my shoulder as her lips cascaded downwards.

"No, that's not it…" Calm down… Take a deep breath… But… Just in case… "…Hikami, did Raiko-san… fight in the fall of Yokohama?"

"Hm? Yes, I believe so. Do you… remember anything of that time?" The hesitation, the slowness, the reluctance was as obvious as Kasumi's towards carrots.

"Just to quell my doubts… I had heard that… something exploded during the defense of the city. Is that true?" Feeling the hands creep up again, feeling the pain under my ears begin to spread, feeling a hidden list popping up in my mind, I return her gaze.

Hikami holds it, no smile nor shine in her eyes. The fingers on her hair were subtly but obviously gripping it if you stared at them.

"…Why such a question? Weren't you curious about Amato-sama?" She now brings her hands together by her stomach, giving me a side glance and forcing a smile.

"…If we truly knew each other, if our relation changed after being together during the war… I just… wonder what happened to the prior base that was in the area, since I remember living here before. Something… doesn't feel right about this, so if… I dunno, we were together when that happened then… it would make sense for us to grow closer, maybe." Lazy excuse, I know. But I need to confirm this doubt, go down this rabbit hole.

"Hmm… I… didn't fight in said battle." She looks away, closing up.

"Please… Could you tell me?" She remains still, her arms compacting onto her frame, petrified as if she had heard the 991 alarm for the first time. "I see… Sorry for pushing you. And thanks for your time, for answering all my questions. I'll be going now, see you later Hikami." I'll just ask Sensei, she has to know… about both the Fall of Yokohama and about this matter of… me gaining memories.

"…Wait." She said, grabbing onto my arm. "It is… hard for me to speak of the matter, and I am sure it must be for you too." She sounded beat, exhausted. She looked up, forcing a smile. When I returned it, she eased up into a genuine one, letting go of my hand.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you remember ugly memories." I give her a bow, she sighs as she places a hand on her chest. "It's okay, you've done more than enough."

"Thanks for your kindness. However, I suppose I shouldn't leave you without an answer in this manner."

"…So, you'll tell me?"

"…As I said, I did not fighting in the Defense of Yokohama so I cannot confirm how it happened but," She took a pause, staring right into my eyes. I awaited her answer, tightening and loosening my hands. She then sighed softly and closed her eyes as he spoke again, "I believe the old Hakuryo Base was made to self-destruct."

"…So it exploded?"

"…Indeed. Perhaps she… rescued you during that battle, and you both grew closer after that event?"

"…I see. So that's what might have happened…" Hikami remained staring at me, trying to peer into my eyes as my gaze wandered upwards.

If Hakuryo Base had to self-destruct, and he was escaping as he was in that memory, does that mean the 'old school' exploded while his friends were still inside? Isn't that… a bit too similar to what happened in my world?

This has got to be a joke. But… We confirmed that this world has many, many similarities to both worlds I lived in. Sensei did say that… the transfer of the data would normally take too much time to occur, that 'I' would appear many years in the future on normal circumstances. Then, what if… when the world got reset… my own 'data' didn't finish coming here… and when the world was rewritten to deal with the paradoxes… 'I' returned to my original state while having my memories repressed like I was back in my world after coming back after Ouka?

If he could inherit my experiences of learning how to cook, of using his heels to run and lunge, of being given the Minaru Kamui, of knowing how to fight in Maya-san's style… But there was no G-Radiation to absorb back then… How does his training resemble mine so much?

Wait… His training?

"Hikami, you said Raiko-san was good in a dojo, right?"

"Yes? She is, actually. I… heard from her squadmates that she often took them to face her in a dojo. She took her swordsmanship very seriously, it seems." And again, she rubs her arm.

"So, if I was a fellow to her, do you think… I was also made to spar with her?"

"…Perhaps?" Try not to sound so hesitant next time, please. She remains looking at me, her arms oh so faintly shivering. "Do you think… you knew how to employ Kendo?"

"…Well, using a sword came almost… effortlessly to me, as if I had trained before. So, well, do you think I could have learned when I was here?"

"Certainly." She now smiles, again getting closer. "What better place to learn than this Empire of ours? Perhaps that was one of the ways in which you… connected with your fellows in the past? After all, having a meeting in a dojo seems to be a custom in the Royal Guard, from what I've heard during our collaborations." I didn't miss that slight pause in between your last words.

"…Maybe it was, I dunno." Going by her face, her change in tone… He knew how to fight, he finished his training. And… both she and this Raiko-san were… his fellows in the Swordbreakers, I bet.

But in those memories… When he was still training with Kazora-san… He used his heels as I learned to do and was being trained in Maya-san's style too. It's too similar to how I was during my time with Maya-sensei. During that month where we…

…Wait a second.

No… It has to be a lie…

If this feeling isn't wrong… If this memory isn't wrong… He was given a month to train before being admitted into the Koubuin House. A month is, give or take, the time I took to prepare for the transfer. That September of 2003 was the month I spent training with Maya-sensei back in my world.

So… What happened here? What did he do? Focus… Focus on that pain below the ears… Embrace the shiver of the cold hands…

"Shirogane? Are you feeling fine?" Hikami's voice felt so close, her hand rubbed my shoulder softly.

"…Y-Yeah, just thinking hard."

I place a hand on my forehead, rubbing it slowly and feeling the base of the headband against it. I sighed heavily, my knees suddenly wanting to turn into jelly. I gulp, closing my eyes real tight as if someone had splashed sea water into them.

…Most of his trainings feel… like my very first lessons. Being soundly beat, seeing no opening to strike at. Just that Kazora-san is way more strict with him than how Maya-sensei was to me. But there was one flash of those days… that came vividly to me.

He was facing against Kazora-san again, for some reason thinking about Masamune and Muramasa. Trying to find an opening, failing to see when he would take a step back. It's just like I was when our training began back in my world. My ribs hurt remembering those blows. So he's the same in that regard, huh.

But then, I could hear something odd in his thoughts. He was trying to remember a way to counter, a piece of advice 'Maya-nee' had given him.

…

"Shirogane? Are you truly alright?"

"…Y-Yeah. I just… Sigh…" I rub my eyes, looking up to hide them from Hikami's sight. "I'm just thinking…" I bite my tongue, feeling the cold hands embrace me, making me hear that moment vividly.

…

He… He thought about Maya-san's poem, the one describing the Unending Waterfall style. The only problem is… he recalled the one I learned in my world. When I recalled his first memories during my fight with Mion… the poem ended differently.

'Like an unending waterfall' is the last phrase of the poem of my Maya-sensei. 'With the might of an unending waterfall' is the one of 'Maya-nee's' poem.

Leaving the business of how I remember stuff… Assuming I could have somehow remembered stuff due to stockpiled radiation or some other bullshit… How in hell did he remember parts of my life while he was a child, being away from the frontlines? The only way for that to happen is if… he were a strengthened Nucleus and… was recalling his own memories. Otherwise… it's impossible to explain.

But then… But then… If our lives aren't merely mirrored due to the causal mess created after the transfer… If he remembered parts of my life as I am doing now with his… Then… that makes us…

One and the same.

"Shirogane… Hey, are you truly feeling well?"

"Yeah… Thanks, really." I look at her, wiping a single tear that was trying to run away, bracing my stomach to manage to not have my voice break. "I think… I just remembered something really important." I feel depleted, as if I had swallowed gallons and gallons of ice. Like how I felt after the attack on the base, drained and without any energy left to do more than sleep and weep. Just that, instead of sadness I'm feeling a twister coming out from the back of my head, pressing outwards and making my ears buzz and hurt. Thank God I'm leaning on a wall…

"Oh, is that so?" She still seems kinda tense, both of her hands overlaid on top of her chest. "Are you certain, however? Your complexion is paling."

"Well… It feels as if… I had cold hands all over me, to be honest."

"…Eh?" Now she's the one who seems to be going white as the clouds above. Eyes and mouth widening, she remained tilted for a second. So he did talk about that with you. So he felt the same as I do… whenever I remember experiences that I can't cope with. "…Are you truly fine? Perhaps, shouldn't you go to the infirmary?"

"…I'll go in a while." To talk with Sensei, that is.

I'm sure she… knew of this. She must have noticed… something in the G-Radiation's fluctuations, something that could have hinted at when I remember stuff. She kept quiet to protect me, to make sure I didn't freak out. But now… I gotta know, I have to know.

Because this has to be a lie. I can't be him. He can't be me. Proof and logic be damned, there has to be a mistake in my thought process somehow.

But… if there is one doubt that I have left…

"Thanks for worrying, Hikami. Really, I appreciate it." I smile honestly back at her, since I do feel like… he liked you much, and I can see why. Having someone near when you're feeling like shit really does wonders. I sigh the vile out, breathing in refreshing air into me as my eyes do the same with her calming expression.

"No, it is nothing. Would you be wishing to go to the infirmary right away? I could accompany you, if you'd like."

"That's fine, thanks for the gesture. But… I have one last question I wanna ask before leaving." I straighten myself, making my neck crack.

"Oh? What would it be?"

"…Yesterday, I heard about how Shura's Dance also gave a large blow to the defenses." Her mouth remained open for a second, she nodded without producing a word. "That night… must have been truly harsh on the troops. Considering I was living here, I may have met Raiko-san then since I doubt we knew each other beforehand. Did she ever speak of meeting someone like me?" My hidden question hidden, I watch as her eyes flutter away like bees in search of fresh flowers, her lips quivering for a second.

"T-That could be the case… She did… seem to have changed after that mission, from what I heard from others."

"…I see." Nothing comes up. Nothing else to get an idea of her role during that mission. Sigh… That should be enough, though I wonder if-

"However, why do speak of the night?"

"Huh? Shura's Dance happened during nightfall, right?"

"Well…"

"…Is something wrong?" I stare at her, not letting go of her gaze not even when she looked away. I got closer, she seemed to shiver faintly. "Please, what is it?"

"…It is a sensible matter, those days. I am unsure on whether I should… talk of what occurred then."

"…I see. Sorry for pressuring you, I'll go ask someone else about them then." I need that answer, I won't rest until I get it. Even if… it isn't the answer I would like to hear.

"Um… Do you truly wish to learn of those days right now?" She switched her gaze from me to the ground a couple of times, tapping her fingers with the haste of a dragonfly's flight, her eyes showing the shock of a bunny after being surprised by a sudden loud noise.

"…Yes, I want to know." Then, I took a deep breath. First placing a hand on my chin, it slowly made its way to my nose, ending with a finger in between my brows for just a second as I wiped the sweat off my face. "Hikami, please tell me what is wrong with what I said."

She again stood as if petrified, completely still. She then looked down, bobbing a nod my way as if she were merely a puppet. Her lips twisted as she looked around, as if making sure we were alone. Then, she got closer, and closer, until she was right besides me, her body being a leaf's width away from mine, her face filling my view, her sharpened eyes looking straight into mine yet she now seemed tense, unsure, hesitant. As if her strings were keeping her in place, awaiting my move.

"Very well, I shall tell you what you desire. Ask away, and I shall answer." She sounds… odd. Why would she… speak like that? Was I… him so harsh with her back then?

"Please don't be so tense, I'm not angry at you. I'm really thankful, since you're being so welcoming to all my questions when you have your own things to deal with." She stared at me, right in the eye, doubt spawning in hers so obviously it made me bite my tongue. And then smiled, a hand grasping her tags tightly.

"…That is good to know. And worry not, I am the one who offered my help. Please, ask away."

"…Then, why did you react when I mentioned the night before?"

"Well… It is true that… said operation began when it was still dark, however I believe the vast majority of the fighting was done with daylight on our side." She retorted without a speck of hesitation. "O-Of course, since you weren't fighting then you had no way to know." She added with too much haste, nodding and smiling my way.

"…And there weren't any other missions to rescue civilians after it?"

"…Not in the same scale. After the Fall of Yokohama, the Empire solidified its defense lines and focused on evacuating people without engaging the BETA, so the rescue efforts that still were required weren't compromised. Even if… many had to be called off due to the advance of those monsters…" Her upper body bends forward and sinks as does her tone, her eyes squinting as they're surrounded by wrinkles.

"Sorry, didn't meant to make you remember that."

"No, it is fine. But as I said, most of the rescue efforts were carried out away from the fights and during daylight. I believe resources were scarce and neither the UN, IJA, nor the Guard would force an evacuation in the middle of the night. I know not of what has nested such worry in you, however I guarantee you nothing to lament happened during the nights of those days."

She smiled widely, as if holding back on placing a hand on my shoulder again. Staring at me frontally, as if trying to reassure me through her eyes. Tense and frozen in place, awaiting my reply anxiously. I smile and give her a nod, her own smile flourishes as if it were spring, slowly letting go of a large chunk of air she was holding in. She looks super relieved, truly relaxed now. She's telling the truth, I can tell that much. And if she was one of his fellows, then the Swordbreakers weren't involved in any rescue operations during the night and they might have known of what was going on, being so close to Yuuhi.

But that only makes my breathing pick up speed, making me aware of it, my eyes feeling dry all of a sudden. The pain below my ears grows, an awful sensation enveloping the back of my head as the headband began to vibrate a bit. No matter how much I rub it, the feeling doesn't go away.

…So you're telling me that… if we are indeed the same… if he was… like I was when I slowly grew to become someone who could inherit the memories of all my experiences… If his life is truly a mirror to most of the things I lived through… and if we… seem to be the same entity, just that 'our' full experiences came back to us once the G-Bombs fell and we became 'complete' again… and Shura's Dance's, what feels to be for him what Iceberg was for me, brunt of the fight happened during the day… Regardless of whether we're actually the same person, of whether 'I' lost my memories and lived a new life here in this world as I did in my home world that was slightly altered by the highway created between worlds due to all the loops… If this world's me was the one who fought during the day…

Are you telling me I was the one who fought on the night? The one who shot that woman and those children without a speck of hesitation, without any mercy?

Are you telling me it wasn't him in those memories, but me?

Are you fucking kidding me?!

"U-Um… Shirogane? Is… everything alright?"

"Yeah… I'm fine."

"…Truly?" Her voice broke, her arms compacted even more into her frame. I then noticed I was frowning, making her uneasy and scared, probably. "If you would be feeling… dizzy, I could accompany you to the infirmary."

"No, it's fine. I just… kinda feel bad when I try to remember stuff. That's all. By the way…"

"Y-Yes?"

"…Did someone ever tell you about…" I swallowed the vile that was forming in my mouth, feeling my throat begin to burn a bit. "…a shore filled with the smell of gunpowder?"

"…Huh?" Her eyes grew wide and her mouth was hanging open, yet this time she didn't return to normal. She looked at me, saying nothing. Just staring. As if in shock, tilted, left without an answer, completely taken aback. "…A shore?" She looked down, holding one of her elbows tightly.

"…Yes. For some reason… That just popped up in my head right now."

"…N-No, I haven't heard of such an analogy." Then, why aren't you looking at me? Why are you this… frightened? Was I… him someone who could make others feel so badly?

But, so he… also had that same dream. Then… Sumika, is this what you were warning me about when I returned from Komoro? I sigh, ruffling my hair, poking the headband. Shivering at a sudden gust, at the cold hands' hold on my stomach, I move my neck in circles as I try to calm down my breathing.

"I see… Thanks for your time, Hikami. Really, I appreciate it."

"Eh? Ah, no, it is nothing. However, are you certain you do not wish for me to accompany you?"

"It's fine, don't worry."

"I insist. It is clear to me you're distressed after this talk." You looked more distressed just now, though.

"Thanks, really. Don't worry, I'll be fine." I leave the wall and force a smile at her, biting the inside of my lips. I offer her a handshake, which she takes after just a second. "Our talk was… eye opening in many ways. Thanks again, really. If you ever need anything from me, just come and ask."

"I see… It is good to know I could aid you." She ends the handshake, leaving her hand hanging as if it still wished to remain in contact. "So, have you reached an answer regarding the letter? Have you… recalled anything clearly?"

"Sigh… Just bits and pieces again. I'll… try to get my head in order before deciding what to answer to that letter. There's… so much I gotta think about."

"I see… That is a relief, if you can openly say so." She smiles widely for some reason, as if she was glad I actually replied to her. Maybe she was worried I would clamp up? "Would there be anything else you were wishing to discuss with me? If you so desired, I could listen to your thoughts even if I cannot offer any advice to you." She took a step closer, tilting her head and staring at me with another sweet smile.

"…No, this was enough. Thanks again, Hikami."

"Oh… I see." Her shoulders dropped, her smile kept in place as if forced to do so by hooks pulling at the inside of her cheeks. Now you're making me feel bad…

"…There is something I would like to ask of you, though."

"Oh? What would it be?" Don't pop up so clearly, even someone as dense as me would notice the change.

"Please come to the PX, and be in high spirits then. Chizuru does seem really down, and there's things I can't ask her that I'm sure you can. Can you also lend her an ear?"

"…Of course, I'll gladly do so. Anything else you required of me?"

"Come on… You're making it sound as if I were your superior." I chuckle, and see also does, albeit sounding forced. She does look much better when smiling, it suits her well. Regardless of all this mess… I think she's someone I can grow to trust in, in time.

"Ahaha… You said it so frontally, as if you were issuing an order to me, I just… answered as if I were speaking with a fellow."

"…Well, I shall be awaiting you to report at the PX at 1500 hours then, Hikami. Please, do not keep me waiting." I muster a smile, easing my shoulders and breathing a deeply as I straightened up. She again relaxes, probably finding my usual way of being more pleasant than how he was after Mogami.

"…So I shall do, sir." She giggles at our little joke, seeing her smiling eases the acid in my throat a bit. Thanks, really. "I'll be seeing you there, then. See you later, Shirogane."

"Yes… See you later." I wave at her as I turn around and walk away. The sounds of the firing range becoming more and more distant, I begin to slow down once I was out of her sight.

I sigh, dragging my feet on the ground and stopping to act tough, to hold it back. I look up, clicking my lips. My brows are probably making a tense V, I speed up into a jog. Once I reach a part of the base behind some buildings that I know no one ever visits, I punch a wall. Again. And again. And again. I spit on the ground, shout a curse, and feel my eyes watering.

"Goddammit… This shit just can't be real…"

Gritting my teeth, inhaling through them, I recall what Hikami had said, how she reacted, what I recalled of his training, and my own deductions.

There's no way this is the truth. There's no way I am right about this. Even if the theory says that I can't gain memories of other versions of myself without being constantly absorbing G-Radiation… But then, how do I explain his own life? It's as if he was naturally growing into someone who could inherit the memories as I did in my world. If the feelings have to be naturally born from the person before the link with the memories is forged… Then, did he cherish Yohime-san as his own family as I did with Meiya when we got together? Did he wish to earnestly become better to help as I did while I trained before transferring myself? Did he try to help out Sumika and his family when thinking about learning to cook?

But… But… this still doesn't make sense. I can sort of see the similarities… but I never was a Royal Guard, so I dunno where that came from. He should have joined the UN, if he was indeed me. Also, in no way could I be coerced to do what happened in those horrible memories. And even if I was made into a Flight Commander last loop, I was never the leader of my own squadron. And yet, why was he given the Minaru Kamui anyways? Why did my parents die in this world?

…But, right at the end, after his world was 'squashed' by the ruin that followed it… He ended up all alone… just as I was at the end of Ouka, as I was after the new power plant blew up. I only had Sensei and Kasumi by my side and my parents… Then, who was with him then? No… This is wrong! We're not the same! Accepting that is the same as saying I… killed those civilians. I didn't do that!

I can't be you. You can't be me. This is just a mirrored set of coincidences… nothing more… screw the theory, it can't even explain properly why I keep my memories anyways… I-I'm probably misremembering the poem he said… Yeah, it has to be wrong…

I return myself up, wiping my tears and sniffing a bit. I take many short breaths until I feel calm again. Anyways, I gotta go speak with Sensei. She will… definitely laugh at me for being dumb and falling to emotion again. Yeah… Yeah, she'll tease me about how I'm freaking out over a grain of sand, and then she'll give me another infodump about how wrong I was… How I am not this world's me in any way… How there's no way we actually are the same being…

There's no way… that's the case, right? There has to be another explanation… about why I see his memories, right? The similarities are just that, right?

Sigh… Feeling the cold hands never leaving me, hugging my sides as I walked away, clutching my hands to my chest as if I were carrying an injured kitty, I picked up my pace. Breathing heavily as if I were being chased by the BETA, my heartbeat resonating in my neck, my boots' heels losing their grip and almost slipping as I began jogging even after I entered the base, ignoring a high ranking asshole's shouts of reprimand, I rushed to the elevator.

Because this has to be a lie, a mistake.

Because I can't be him.

Because you're gonna have an answer for me, won't you Sensei?

Because… Sniff… Hic… I couldn't have… killed those people, right?

I… I'm not like that… I don't even remember that happening in any of my loops… it has to be a mistake…

Please tell me it's like that, Yuuko.

Just laugh at me and tell me I'm being a loud stupid idiot again. Please tell me I'm wrong.

---

"Let's start a new life from the darkness, until the light reveals the end

Fear, hatred, sorrow, desperation. Even you look miserable

Looking down from above, I feel awful

The time has come, let's all go home

Sinister faces, growing curses

The only memory left is trauma, imaginary friend's kind words

The evening train was shaking. I purified the imperfect flowers

The pain in my heart getting higher. My comedy show at its peak

The frogs were crying on our way home

T̷̪̊h̵̔ͅȉ̶͈s̴̥̾ ̷̳͆ī̴̻s̵͕͝ ̸̘͗m̵̞̓y̶̩͠ ̵̯͐l̷̽͜a̴̛̘s̸̗̓t̶̠͆ ̴͉̐w̵͈̎a̸̫̽r̸͉̒

Angels playing disguised with devil's faces

Children cling to their coins, squeezing out their wisdom

Angels playing disguised with devil's faces

Children cling on to their very last coins

Destruction and Regeneration

You are the real enemy!

…

In the landscape where my way home was lost, the sunset is scorched as it gets reversed

As soon as the chime to leave the school rings out, everything begins to slowly fall apart

I'll never finish my way back home…

Just for now, it's okay to cry

Those rapeseed flowers that disappeared by the rails… You say they'll bloom again next year?

In the landscape where my way home was lost, the sunset is scorched as it gets reversed

It's time to leave the school, stepping into the other's shadows

But before I realized, when dawn came I ended up alone

I cannot have been left all alone…

Just for now, it's okay to cry

Anyways, I gotta get ready for tomorrow

Gotta do my homework and go early to bed

…And go early to bed…

War!

M̷̛̖͊͜y̷̩̯̙͗̄̉ ̴̥̟̼̈́W̸̥̐̕a̶̗͝ȑ̸͙̦̽͝!̴̻̳͕̕

M̴̖̹̭͂̎͋̀Y̴̛̝̠͛͆!̸̠͕̙͌̂ͅ ̴̗̙̥͊W̵̝̘̼̲̎̅Ă̸̱̤̔̏R̴̨̳͈̪͗̃̑͝!̶̢̣̘̈́̕"

My War, by Shinsei Kamattechan. Attack on Titan (Season 4).

---

A/N: So there it is, one of the big twists I planned since the beginning of the fic. Not sure if the delivery, prose and feelings came across well on this one. From your PoV, was this twist foreshadowed well enough; or did this come out from nowhere? While I did try to leave seeds and breadcrumbs along the way, knowing how long is my fic I fear it might not have been done well enough. I also didn't want to make the reveal too 'in-your-face' as Takeru again realized stuff on his own, but I concede it might have turned out like that anyways. I also admit that this might feel like more 'dark angsty shit' when the plot should reach a conclusion. As you can see, things are gonna get messy and to answer to Imperfect Strike's review of the prior chapter… chances are the answer to all the questions is a big NO. There are other stuff foreshadowed, but I'm doubting on whether it's actually working or if this and the reveal at Ch. 50 felt well.

Anyways, especially for those who haven't read D&R, how was this chapter in your eyes?

Thanks for reading. Stay safe.

Zuoriel