What to do about Magik?
Author's note: A short little story based on X-Factor Issue #9. Somehow I think Illyana has a certain vibe that makes many people apprehensive about her. Spoiler alert: I did think Mojo went down a bit too easy in X-Factor #9 as he is an A List villain, but… that is the story in the issue.
Part 62: Belling the cat
Heck no, that was the bottom line statement from Eye-Boy. There was no freaking way he was going to give Illyana the bad news. This statement was uttered in the X-Factor planning meeting that was coming up with how to free all the mutants in the Mojo Universe. A complication was the little fact that X-Factor was banned on pain of death from the Mojo Universe so additional forces would be needed. The plan focused around Dazzler to help mesmerize the mutants but… just how to get into the Mojo universe and distract Mojo was a subject of come contention.
Who/what are X-Factor? X-Factor is the Krakoa based team that investigates dead and missing mutants, thus assuring that the dead are really dead before they can be queued up for resurrection.
Northstar – Jean-Paul Beaubier, speedster and the leader of the group.
Prodigy – David Alleyne, smart, able to manipulate information and find patterns. Able to replicate other's abilities to an extent.
Prestige– Rachel Anne Summers, telepath and telekinetic. Very helpful in investigating. One of the heavies of the group. Rather happy having her own place rather then living on the Moon with Mom and Dad, even though living on the moon is cool.
Eye-Boy – Trevor Hawins, his body is covered in eyeballs. Able to perceive many many things across almost any photonic wavelength as well as other emanations (i.e. some types of magic).
Polaris – Lorna Dane, Magnetic abilities. Another of the heavy hitters. About to move onto a new gig on the X-Men team.
Daken – Son of Wolverine. Similar abilities to wolverine. No longer quite the dick he used to be.
Aurora – Jeanne-Marie Beaubier, sister to Northstar and similar abilities. Not really on the team but hangs out at their tower, she was the first investigation done by X-Factor.
They had the beginning of a good plan, which involved distracting everybody with Dazzler, Lila Cheney, and some other musical hangers on so they could free Shatterstar and the other mutants, but… They still needed an in. Somebody to get them there, and somebody capable of dealing with Mojo.
They had come up with that somebody, Magik (A.K.A Illyana Rasputin) and a reason for her to get involved. But that meant that somebody had to tell her, and show her, the sitcom that Mojo had created where she was the love interest of Pogg Ur-Pogg (a large crocodile like humanoid) who likes to speak in poetic verse. Illyana had defeated Pogg Ur-Pogg in the battle of swords but Mojo had crafted a show out of it and Illyana was not well portrayed in that show. So simple, just let Illyana know and…
And…
Illyana losing her top while water skiing with Pogg Ur-Pogg.
Illyana losing her top while snow boarding with Pogg Ur-Pogg.
Kissing and cuddles with Pogg Ur-Pogg.
Being very blonde, and a bit of an airhead, not to mention extra large breasts.
Pogg Ur-Pogg parties and gets drunk with Belasco (i.e. her dad).
Illyana slaughtering her way across the landscape (and, of course, losing her top).
Illyana losing her top while…
Well… you get the point.
X-Factor has skimmed the episodes, first out of innocent curiosity, and later as a guilty pleasure as it was funny and apparently very popular in the Mojo Universe (Rachel stashed a copy of the entire series as she was rather certain that Illyana was going to make sure it vanished once she found out).
BEGIN EPISODE SUMMARY
It's…. YANA!
Yana, along with some of the New Mutants (Dani, Sam, and Doug) go on a picnic with Pogg Ur-Pogg and some never seen before new mutants (think red shirts in Star Trek as these never seen before characters tended to drop like flies on the show). Illyana, of course, is wearing just an itty bitty white bikini. Chaos ensures when giant mutant ants attack in an attempt to steal the goodies (and a few new mutants as well). Any chance of a peaceful outcome is dashed when the cry "They killed Doug!" after Doug is snipped in half by a giant ant.
Illyana and Pogg Ur-Pogg, as well as the other mutants, go on an ant killing spree (Pogg Ur-Pogg was very annoyed that he had not been the one to kill Doug this episode). But Illyana breaks a finger nail and gets distracted and distraught about her broken nail, causing the red shirt new mutants to get slaughtered by the ants, and splatter her with the blood of the fallen. This causes her to go into a killing rage (the broken nail, not the blood), and she loose her top once again as the dastardly ants are routed and slain.
END EPISODE SUMMARY
And that was the issue. Nobody wanted to be the one to tell Illyana about the show. Now Illyana was not known for shooting the messenger but there was a distant lack of volunteers. Eye-Boy had been nominated by Jean- Paul but…
"She's… creepy. I'm always convinced she's concealing things from my vision." Was his statement.
"Concealing things?" Asked Jean-Paul. "Like what?"
"Just… things. I swear I see… things out of the corner of my eyes when she's around, but when I focus on her I see… nothing out of the ordinary, other than the ghost outline of horns that is always there on her forehead. Except when… well… when she has real horns."
"Outline of horns?" Was Jean-Paul somewhat doubtful statement, he did not have much experience with Illyana.
"Horns…" Was Trevor's firm answer. "So… no. I'm not going to be the one to tell her, there others way more qualified for that, like you Rachel."
Rachel froze, caught in mid slurp on her straw (she was drinking ice coffee), then… "What? Me? No, we don't get along." Her pet Warwolf puppy that she had named Amazing Baby, gave a growl, as Amazing Baby also did not care for Illyana. A real quick swipe left. "No… Lorna would be better."
"Why me?" Asked Lorna, with a tone that implied that Rachel had given her an especially low quality re-gift.
"You're… better with people then I am."
Lorna was demure in her disagreement. "Bull. She's one of the Great Captains and she hangs out with your dad. You interact with her all the time." Okay, not quite demure, she was somewhat convinced that Rachel was pissed that Lorna, and not Rachel, had won the voting to become the next X-Men and that this was payback.
"Yeah, hangs with my dad, not me. And she hangs out with your dad as well." Meaning Magneto.
"Well… either ways, David is the logical choice." Stated Lorna as this O'h so prized assignment was re-gifted yet again.
"In what reasoning system is that conclusion remotely logical?" Inquired David with a tone that implied that why yes, two plus two is apparently now seventeen.
"You're the info dude." Was Lorna declaration.
A title that left David less then impressed. As did the nods from Rachel, Lorna, Trevor; which was likely more based upon the passing of the cup from them. Well, time for some more rational reasons to decline the honor.
"I am in agreement with Trevor." Stated David. "She creeps me out. Unlike the rest of you I was there in Limbo when she returned." A little shudder from David. "It was hell, literally, and as bad a Belasco was, she was scarier. I know she's supposed to be all better now but… that was a very bad time, I know people who still have nightmares about it. And that's not even the worse from what I've heard as others have spoken of the time that some other hell lord attacked her and pulled the whole team into Limbo, lots of big hitters like Scott, Emma, Magneto,…"
"Golden Balls…" Smirked Trevor.
A hush of a glare from David to Trevor. "Yes he was, and he's Egg now, as were all the others who were on the breakaway team that Scott, Magneto, Emma, and Illyana were running. From what I've heard it was a major brown trouser event."
"He admitted he crapped his pants?" Was Daken's surprised comment.
"Yes, but it was not a singular event."
"Meaning… oh… um… others did it as well?"
"Supposedly everybody…" Was David's reply.
"Everybody? Even…" Injected Lorna.
"Everybody." Was the certain statement from David. "Other then her, but she was supposedly made of fire at that point. Everybody else just dropped dos in a major way."
A rather universal expression of yuck from all present.
David had more to say. "Plus…" David looked about and then whispered. "I know this sounds weird but… more then a few of the younger ones says that if you speak her name three times she will hear you, so they never speak her name; instead they use her code name or other nicknames."
A snort of distain from Jean-Paul. "That is ridicules, this is not the film Candy Man, you make her sound like she is the devil…" And then a pause of sudden thought about what he had just said.
Rachel said nothing, but recalled a Russian proverb that the devil listens when you say her name, and that it only took on utterance.
David said what everybody was thinking. "Um… she kind of is. Anyway, Daken is a way better choice."
"No." Was Daken's reply after popping off the cap of a beer bottle. "No can do, that is a negatory. Nope, nadda, so not happening." With that he drained his beer. There was no way he wanted to be on the bad side of a babe who likes startling Ninjas for fun (yes Illyana was still playing that game). He, as apposed to others, did not attempt to push another team member under the Magik Bus, but instead nominated somebody who should have been the obvious choice.
"We should go with Dani."
Why yes…!
Was the group consensus. Yes, yes, yes! Not me, pick that that person behind the tree.
She was perfect!
Long time friend of Illyana's.
Able to tell her difficult things.
And if things went badly… Well… no unfortunate impacts.
Meaning she was not part of the X-Factor team!
And so it was.
And so they did.
And mighty was the vexation of the queen of Limbo.
Great was her wrath.
And a painful woe befell Mojo as unto him was delivered… well…
You need to read the comic for those details; and no, she doesn't lose her top (sigh…)