First half of this chapter is not historically accurate. read trigger warnings below.

TW: mentions of rape, character death, grief

March 1801

Eliza Holly wondered past Eliza with flowers into the house.

"Sweetheart where are you going?" She called to her. She poured lemonade out for William and John.

"Papa", Eliza Holly replied. Her little boots left mud stains on the wooden floors. Eliza sighed. Alexander isn't home. He's with Peggy and Stephen. Eliza stood up chasing after her daughter.

"Mrs, you have a letter", Adalyia told her as Eliza passed by.

Eliza picked up her daughter.

"Papa's not home", she took her to Alexander's office to show her.

"Papa give goodnigh' kiss?" She wriggled down. Eliza Holly sat up on Alexander's chair. She grinned, proud of herself.

Eliza shook her head.

"Not tonight baby", she whispered to her. Eliza Holly cried.

"Want Papa", she mumbled. Eliza hugged her. She brought her into their room. Eliza Holly jumped on the bed. 2 year olds are so easy to distract.

Angelica knocked on the door.

"Mom, can I talk to you?" Angelica asked her. Eliza nodded, waving her in. Angelica smiled down at Eliza Holly.

"Um, alone? If possible. I just don't want Eliza Holly to repeat what I say", Angelica asked. She knew all too well how much of a sponge little children could be. Eliza nodded.

"Give me a second". Eliza gave her daughter to Adalyia to mind.

"Now what was it you wanted to talk about?" Eliza asked her daughter as she sat down on the bed.

Angelica fidgeted with her hands.

"I have a friend um. I don't know how to put this. She started courting a boy this year. She um. He attacked her. They went to a park late at night. Her parents aren't home. I knocked by her house and um", Angelica subconsciously touched her neck.

"She has bruises. I don't know much, well anything really about it. You know what couples do when they're married. She was trying to tell me about it before. It sounds awful. Why would it leave bruis-?" She stopped herself from continuing.

"Angelica. If she didn't want that to happen then she was raped", Eliza explained to her daughter.

"Were you ever raped?" Angelica asked, naively. Eliza froze. Her breath caught in her throat. She shook herself out of it.

"Do you remember the story I told you about the boy that I courted before Alexander?" Eliza asked her daughter.

"Yeah. You said that is why I should always have an escort from our side of the family. Someone I know and trust", Angelica recited. She had been horrified when Eliza told her that story.

"I didn't get away in time", Eliza scratched at her wrists. She could still see where the bruises were as clear as they were 22 years ago.

Angelica covered her mouth.

"Does Papa know?" She hugged her mother. Eliza smiled, hugging her daughter.

"No. He doesn't. Men don't understand. They blame it on the woman. It is never her fault. Your friend needs comfort and reassurance right now. She needs to understand that it is not her fault. They tried to take her strength and power away from her. They can never do that. We can never let them", Eliza sighed. She was glad Alexander wasn't home tonight.

Angelica stood up.

"I am going to go see her", she told Eliza.

"Mom? Is that why you sometimes have panic attacks after Papa yells?" She frowned. Pieces coming together in her head. Eliza bit her lip. She knew she shouldn't be putting this emotional burden on her daughter. She hated the world they lived in.

"No sweetheart. I just don't like shouting, is all. I couldn't tell you why", she laughed it off. She could tell her but she won't.

Eliza smiled at her daughter before exhaling a deep breath when she left. God dammit. Why did she have to bring that up?

"Okay. Check the letter. Focus on anything else", she whispered to herself.

She read the letter from Alexander.

"Peggy…" she fell down against the wall. The letter falling to the floor. She looked out at her children playing in the garden. Her sister, their aunt, one of her best friends.

"I can't even travel out in time", she muttered to herself. She wouldn't even be able to if she wanted to. Alexander had the carriage.

Eliza Holly picked up the letter.

"Here momma", she smiled handing it to her. Eliza sniffled.

"Thank you", she took it before wiping her eyes with the other hand.

Eliza stood up. She placed the letter in her dresser.

She wrote to Alexander telling him she got the letter and asking about if there are funeral arrangements.

"Mom? Are you okay?" Philip questioned her when he saw her crying. She handed him the letter. She couldn't speak right now.

He nodded, rushing out of the room. He was always very close to Peggy. She looked into her closet. She changed into a mourning dress.

"Angie, make sure everyone is okay. I'll be back in an hour", Eliza sighed. This can't be happening.

"Mom what happened? Where are you going?" She had tears in her eyes. Eliza hugged her.

"I'm going to church. Read the letter from your father on my bed".

She went to the church and prayed for her sister.

…

Eliza rushed to Alexander's arms when they reached Peggy's home. She cried into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, my Betsey", he whispered to her. She sobbed. She never even got to say goodbye. The children stood silent beside them.

"Stephen I'm so sorry for your loss", Eliza wiped her eyes.

"She isn't in pain anymore", he reasoned. Eliza followed him up to the master bedroom.

"I'll wait outside", Alexander offered. Eliza shook her head.

"No", she mumbled. She grabbed his hand. She couldn't leave him right now. Eliza fell to her knees beside Peggy. She cried over her hand.

"Peggy. I'm sorry I couldn't get here quicker. God I love you so much. My little sis, I can't lose you", she whispered to her. Her hand felt cold, heavy. Eliza brought the older children in to say goodbye. She hugged Alexander.

"It's late. We should get the children to bed", he ushered the children into different rooms. William and John shared a room. Philip, Alex and James shared another while Angelica and Eliza Holly had another room.

"Okay", she whispered yet didn't move.

Eliza sat with Peggy. It's not fair. She was younger. She should be alive. Catherine cried as soon as she came into the room. Eliza stood up. It's their daughter. Best to give them a moment.

"Eliza? Betsey?"

"Elizabeth where are you going?" She heard her father calling her.

"I don't know", she shrugged. She just wanted Peggy back.

"I'll take her upstairs", she heard Angelica telling them.

"Remember when we used to play all day together. I couldn't be more thankful to have you as a friend", Angelica gave Eliza a drink. She smiled at her.

"Thanks. Yeah I remember. I miss her witty remarks already", Eliza smiled thinking about her.

Alexander knocked before sitting down beside Eliza. He took a sip of Eliza's drink.

"That's strong", he coughed slightly. Angelica smirked.

"Were you with her for her last moments?" Angelica asked him. He nodded.

"She was..content", he stared into space.

Eliza sighed. At least she's not in pain now. John sat down beside Angelica.

"The funeral is at 9am tomorrow", he told them. He was just talking to the priest.

"You coming to bed?" Alexander asked her. Eliza looked over and Angelica was gone. She had zoned out.

"I can't sleep", she offered her hand for him to take. He nodded.

"I didn't think you would be", he shrugged. He helped her up, leading her to where they were staying. Eliza stopped in the doorway. Angelica's conversation was still playing on repeat in her head. She swore she could see bruises on her arms. She looked up at Alexander. He smiled at her.

"What?" He knew something was wrong.

"Do you want to be alone?" He asked her. He had been through so much grief in his life. It isn't fair. Eliza shook her head. He stood up, going to help her undress.

"Don't touch me", she pulled away. She dropped to the ground, beside the bed. She couldn't breathe. Eliza gasped for air. She couldn't do this right now. She could pass it off as grief.

"I 'iss 'er", she choked out(I miss her). Eliza cried. She gulped.

Alexander knelt down beside her.

"I know it's hard right now. You don't want to be touched. You want to push everyone away so that no one can hurt you like this again. I know because I did it. I know it feels like it will consume you, like it's easier to sink than swim. But you are strong. You are not alone. It doesn't have to be this hard. I am here. I am not going anywhere", he sat down against the bed beside her with a foot between them. Eliza sobbed as she curled in on herself.

Thanks for reading