"Ah ha! You returned! Or maybe," Zim shook his wrists, now free of the shackles, trying to get the lingering feeling of confinement out of his head, "you were never really evil at all!?" This was all a little hard to follow. First CB was CB. Then he was Original AI. Now he was CB again?
"The second one." CB assured him as he braced himself against the possessed Sym who came charging full force at them, sword drawn. CB caught IX by the wrist, forcing the blade away from himself. "I did what computers do best: lie profusely."
"I..." Skoodge looked uncertainly toward Zim before looking back to CB, "is that really the moral we want him to have learned here?"
"It is not lying, CB. You were improvising." Zim looked to Skoodge who didn't seem to like his explanation any better.
"It was straight up just lying, but hey, I'm not complaining." Voel was already on his feet. Voel cracked his neck, rolling his shoulder, readying for combat.
"This! IX!" Xia had her ax ready but she paused to briefly call out her boss. "This is why you tell me plans! This sort of betrayal is something I would have obviously predicted. Now I have to go through the trouble of murdering all of these Irkens in honorable combat which- quite frankly- Purple and Vero don't deserve."
"Negative. Tallest X you must retreat to protect the core." IX and CB were struggling in what looked to Zim to be some sort of weird hand-holding stare-down.
"Are you kidding me right now!? This is a fight! This is my whole purpose! I am a fighter!" She went to raise her ax but Ven stopped her, the same empty gaze as Sym on his face as he spoke in the emotionless monotone of the Control Brains.
"Protect the core, Tallest X. I can handle this. They do not have weapons. M, accompany her. Your spawn is still on the loose."
"Fucking fine." Xia huffed but immediately slid past the rebels, M taking a more casual route around. Vero and Voel went to stop Xia but she was able to knock them away with raw force. She threw Vero using his own momentum against him, into Voel, sending them both back into CB who faltered against IX. Xia slid into the lift and out of sight. Had she been on his team, Zim might have been impressed. Therron made a move to stop M as she passed him, but immediately stopped when she locked eyes with him.
"Voel! Vero!" Zim also did not want to engage a Parasite without a weapon so he quickly went to help the injured Voel up off of the ground. The red former leader winced, still visibly recovering from VII impaling him. Zim was a bit surprised when Voel allowed him to help him to his feet.
"Initiating lockdown." Sym and Ven both spoke in unison as metal plating covered the lift and windows, trapping them inside with IX in two of his bodies.
"CB," Voel was back on his feet, "can't you knock him out of Sym's body like you did with the other two?"
"I am... trying..." CB was now nearly pressed against the wall, IX pinning him down using Sym.
"Foolish, idiot, smeet of an AI. I have been ruling empires since before your creator was ever hatched. You have no hope against me."
"Hang on CB!" Zim helped Vero back to his feet. "We've got your back!" He used his PAK legs to try to run toward CB but was immediately knocked over by Ven, staring blankly down at them. Skoodge immediately jumped on Ven, pulling him back long enough for Zim to get back up. He heard a noise as CB hit the wall, hard enough that the clang of his metal helmet against the titanium armor covering their escape route, reverberated through the room.
"I am doing my best, father." CB was completely pinned by the taller form of Sym, forcing his arms by his head. Her PAK legs were raised, one by one trying to penetrate through the helmet directly into his face. Which, while not lethal, would be a pain to repair.
"Come on! Just knock IX out of her body like you did the other two." Voel was still holding his midsection. Zim could see the wound was still not completely recovered- it had been a nasty hit; it would have taken a while to heal even if Voel wasn't constantly exacerbating the damage by trying to keep fighting.
"Oh really? That is such a great plan! I wish I had thought of such a brilliant strategy. I guess that is why you were the Tallest and I am but a humble computer."
"Are you seriously being a sarcastic ass right now?" Voel glared as one of Sym's PAK legs cut the fleshy exterior of CB's cheek, narrowly missing their intended target.
"Not at all! I am eagerly awaiting further, expert combat advice!"
"I figured out how he was doing it," IX smirked, "and have reacted accordingly. There is no way to oust me now, pathetic excuse for a Control Brain."
"Hey I know I was being a dick to Voel, but that is just hurtful." CB was visibly losing. Zim looked to see Skoodge and Vero dealing with the possessed form of Ven- things were considerably more difficult as Ven and Sym were armed but Zim and his fellow rebels were not.
"I know a way to get you out!" Tenn piped up. Zim blinked. Where was Tenn? Now that he thought about it, as soon as the cuffs were off, she had sort of been out of sight for him, and with Zim, that meant she was pretty much out of his mind.
"What?" IX stabbed Sym's sword through CB's shoulder, effectively pinning him in place as he turned Sym's head to see where the voice was coming from. It was then, Zim thought to look up.
"Eat shit, IX." Tenn smirked as a shot hit Sym right between the eyes, causing the body to drop to the ground. Tenn had somehow scaled the walls with her PAK legs and was hanging from the, high, arching ceiling. She somehow had gotten her hands on a small, IrKen gun. Zim had seen this type before, it was accurate, but not particularly potent due to its size. "Ceiling sniper strikes again."
"Why do you still have a gun? Your weapons were removed." IX spoke through Ven as he fended off Skoodge and Vero, who had been slightly distracted by Tenn's sudden reappearance. "There is no way you were able to escape to get one."
"You took most of my guns." Tenn winked at him.
"We removed thirty-seven guns."
"But I had Thirty-eight."
"Where!?"
"I hollowed out one of my boots and I keep a gun in the heel! Makes me look taller, fashionable, and dangerous!" Tenn's boot fell to the floor and sure enough the sole had been ripped open. "Just ruins the boot to get it out, but worth it." She took aim, firing at Ven but IX was able to deflect. "No one makes me a puppet!"
"I am able to adjust her PAK, when she recovers, Sym will be back to normal." CB was nudging Sym's PAK with his foot Sym as her PAK went into overdrive to repair the damage from Tenn's shot.
"Yay..." Therron and Voel kind of looked at each other as they both gave an unenthusiastic little cheer.
"Premature celebration." IX pressed a button on the pole arm in Ven's hand. The three-pronged trident blade of burning, light, morphed together into a spear head. The head of the blade began to fire off blasts of energy toward Tenn, one after another in rapid succession. She dodged a few only to be hit in her shoulder, crashing to the floor. Vero tried to wrestle the weapon away from IX, but IX got another blast into his chest sending him back. Fortunately, it did not seem to have penetrated through the Tallest's armor, but it had cracked the chest plate, and clearly winded Vero. The blade turned back into a trident as he approached Vero, still trying to catch his breath. "One gun is not enough. You are trapped in here with me."
"Actually," Skoodge spoke up, "I believe you are the one tapped with us." Zim turned to see Skoodge kneeling over the still unconscious GIR. The panel on his back was open and Skoodge hit the button labeled power. "Viva la Revolution, asshole." Instantly the SIR's eyes flickered to life and he stretched, giving a long, dramatic yawn.
"That was a gooooood nap. Now I want tacos!" GIR sat straight up looking unaffected by his brief power down. Zim was surprisingly glad to see him.
"It's not fucking Tuesday," he heard Therron grumble.
"No. Get that thing away." IX immediately began to turn his attention onto GIR. Zim took advantage of the situation, running to CB who was struggling with the sword of white, hot light burning into his shoulder. Surprisingly, Therron came to help him as Skoodge tried to engage IX alongside GIR.
"Hey, CB, if you can get through the defenses of that console on the back, I know how to open the doors." Therron was being... helpful? Had he gotten a concussion? Had he been possessed? Zim didn't think so, but this was a bit unusual.
"I can, you will need to give me a moment."
"Look at us," Zim mused as he braced his PAK legs against the wall to give him leverage to try and pull the sword out, it had melted into the metal in the opposing wall sealing CB's body in place pretty well. Therron's own PAK legs came out, bracing on the floor as he grabbed the sword as well, helping Zim with all his might as the two pulled the weapon free.
"Ouch." CB remarked dryly.
"A 'thank you' would have sufficed. You don't even feel pain." Therron looked annoyed.
"You do not know that. I could be in agony right now and you are being insensitive. "
"Wait," Therron turned to Zim, "does he feel pain?"
"Nah, he's just fucking with you." Fucking with Therron in a time of crisis: CB really was Zim's smeet. "How bad are the damages?" The universe's best Invadentor surveyed the melted bits of metal, fused with the seared cloth of CB's Irken uniform.
"My left arm is no longer functional and I believe my directional sense has been damaged."
"That's your right arm." Therron spoke bluntly. CB looked down at the useless limb, then back to Therron.
"Ah, so it is. It appears you have won this round."
"Come on, let's take out these walls so maybe we can chase down Xia." Therron gestured for CB to follow him, heading toward the back of the room. CB nodded, turning around and walking the opposite direction, straight into a wall. Therron let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed CB by the good arm, dragging him behind him.
"Hey Skoodge," Zim was going to have to trust that Therron knew what he was doing. "You think you can use this?" Zim held up the sword.
"Um, yes?" Skoodge held his hand up and Zim tossed the sword to him. Skoodge used his PAK legs to jump up, catching the blade just in time to deflect a blow from the trident Ven was using. "This makes things more even."
"Skoodge can sword fight?" Voel blinked, mouth slightly agape as he watched the plump Invader match IX blow for blow despite Ven's body being much larger.
"Of course, he can." Zim gestured to the fight behind him. "Skoodge was always one of the top Invaders." Zim would rather have watched Skoodge as he flipped off of the wall, over IX taking a swipe at his shoulder, only to be blocked by one if Ven's PAK legs, however, he had to make sure Tenn was okay. He saw her, sitting up on one arm, bleeding from her left shoulder. "Did it hit your PAK?"
"No." She winced a bit. "But it still hurts."
"You'll be fine." Zim could feel the vibrations in the air as Tenn's PAK worked to repair the damage to her arm. Now she and Voel were among the injured. And CB... kind of.
"Thanks, Zim, didn't realize you had gone through PAK-technician training." Her eyes narrowed as she gave him a dry response. She didn't sound all that grateful for his expert assessment.
"Zim has many talents." He waved her off. "Does your gun still work?"
"Yeah, but it might hit Skoodge at this point. I'd need a good opening." Tenn sighed. True, Skoodge would recover, depending on where he was struck, but Zim didn't want to take that risk, especially not with Skoodge.
"Go Skoodge go!" Vero cheered from the side as Skoodge managed to dodge a series of blasts from the trident, back in its blaster form.
"You look like you're feeling better." Voel remarked, looking to Vero, the chest plate clearly burned and cracked from the direct hit.
"Just had the wind knocked out of me; I'm fine now." Vero was still sitting, elbows resting on his knees as he observed the fight.
"Then help." Voel whacked Vero lightly in the back of the head.
"But I don't want to interrupt."
"Vero." Voel narrowed his eyes. Vero sighed.
"Yeah, okay." Vero got to his feet, grabbing GIR by the head. The SIR had been trying to finger paint on the walls with packets of mustard he somehow had smuggled from Earth. GIR squealed excitedly as he was lifted.
"I CAN FLY!"
"You could already." Zim noted as he looked up from helping Tenn just in time to see Vero throw GIR directly onto Ven. He saw Voel slap himself in the face out of frustration.
"The gun, Vero!" He made a shape of a gun with his fingers. "I meant grab the gun!"
"My way works better, I think." Vero stepped back, observing the chaos he had wrought as IX tried hard to dislodge the SIR using his PAK legs while still trying to fight Skoodge.
"Skoodge!" Zim got an idea, waving excitedly until Skoodge looked over. Zim could see in his expression that he understood perfectly- that was the benefit of being in the Collective: A sense of understanding no matter how strange the idea.
"Defective robot!" IX was struggling with GIR as Skoodge darted around him, slashing with the energy blade in ways that made IX move backward, toward the wall where GIR had been drawing. As soon as he was close, Zim darted underfoot, staying low to the ground so IX wouldn't notice him until it was too late. IX tripped over Zim as he dodged a forward thrust of Skoodge's blade. He stumbled back, hitting the wall where GIR was painting.
The funny thing about human mustard, was that it had water in it, and the water on Earth was so chock full of toxins that the moment Ven's face slid into the sticky, yellow condiment, he began to sizzle. IX reeled back, clearly shocked by the reaction.
"CB!" Zim called to his other synthetic smeet. CB was still over with Therron, but looked up when his name was called. "While he's distracted!"
"On it!" CB hopped over the Control panel and fell on his face. He got up, walking in the opposite direction. Maybe Zim should have done a few repairs.
Thankfully, Vero grabbed him steering him over to IX who between the burning skin, Skoodge's sword, and whatever it was that GIR was doing, wasn't able to stop CB from tackling him. There was a brief struggle, before Ven's body seized and finally relaxed.
"Awww he's taking a nap!" Ven had fallen backward, onto of GIR, who was wiggling to get free from under him.
"Is he okay!?" Voel hurried over, Zim saw him wince when he stood.
"He is fine. Simply unconscious." CB sat up as well, wiping mustard from his cheek with his good arm. "IX has been removed from his PAK and he will make a complete recovery."
"Good, good." Voel looked relieved as he relaxed slightly. He surveyed the room. "We just need a way out." As soon as he spoke, the armored door slid open. "Like... that... one..."
"You're welcome." Therron spoke up from the Control Panel in the back.
"Good work Therron, let's move. We need to get ourselves armed and we need to find and stop IX." Voel took a step toward the lift and the others followed, going into the tube as CB activated it. "CB, do you know where they took our weapons?"
"Maybe?"
"That is supremely unhelpful, thank you CB."
"You are welcome Voel."
"Don't call me Voel, it's weird."
"Voelimothy?"
"What? No."
"Voelliam?"
"Please don't"
"Voelmantha?"
"CB, I'm going to punt you-"
"Daddy?"
"CB, I swear to Mothra do you know where the weapons are or not!?"
"I told you." The lift stopped and they arrived on the ground floor. Before them was an army of Irkens, standing in front of the closed, looming doors of the Tallest's Residence. At once, in stiff, synchronized movements, they raised their weapons at the rebels. "Maybe." CB raised his arm. "Q! Now!"
Nothing.
"Q!"
Nothing.
"Q?"
The only sound was the hum of the weapons charging.
"Hm. I may have made a slight miscalculation."
"Ohhhh, you mean in trusting Q?" Voel was doing his best to take an aggressive stance against imminent death. "What a great idea CB! He is so trustworthy! I can CLEARLY see why you didn't need my advice earlier. With plans like this YOU should be Tallest."
"Don't be an ass Voel," Skoodge glared at him. As the charge of the Irken lasers reached the peak of their hum, the doors to the outside flew open.
"Mothra guide you, my children! To battle!" Mothra Elite Dae stood at the head of the Irkens from the temple. Beside her Q, taking the form of the Ham-star, the massive body charging through the blockade as Dae's PAK legs emerged, each with a blade of white energy.
"Oh, look at that," Therron blinked, "apparently Dae can fight. Did we know that? I feel like we didn't know that."
"I don't think so." Voel seconded.
As the brawl started, Q took to the sky, floating above the firing, robotic masses as red tendrils sprouted from his back, crushing the guns, knocking the Irkens back. He landed beside Zim and the others, changing briefly back to his regular form, holding the weapons in his arms. All seven eyes were on Voel unblinking as he smirked: "Hey asshole."
"Red Death!" Voel took his vanity weapon at once. Even the staff of the weapon was deep crimson in color, the name carved into the metal pole. He pressed the button in the center and the spear blade burst to life from the red energy emitted from the pole.
"Just don't overdo it, dad." Vero took his own weapon back looking a tad concerned. "You're still injured."
"This is a swarm of angry Irken Elites," Zim took his own weapons back. "And we have an army backing us up. This is like a training session. Voel will be fine. We just need to worry about getting to Xia and IX."
"You look like shit." Q's translator had either been fixed, or replaced as it was no longer stammering. The Parasite was surveying the group with mild interest.
"It took you long enough to get here. I was beginning to think you had abandoned us." CB looked to Q, mildly amused.
"Thought about it, but the next non-Irken- occupied planet had H on it, so where the fuck would I go? Also, I heard Voel's fat mouth talking shit and I just really wanted to make him feel like a complete jackass."
"Great Invade-ntor Zim!" In the skirmish, Zim saw the PAK-technician that he had expertly rescued, dodging through the fray. He puffed out his chest, looking pleased by her proper use of his title. "Thank Mothra you're alright!" She saw Tenn and Voel, her expression grew more concerned. "Be careful, don't strain your PAKs too much until you have fully recovered. Here!" She turned Tenn around, despite the fact that Tenn was using her good arm to fire into the fight. She opened Tenn's PAK, doing a few tweaks. "That should help the healing process. You next." She looked up at Voel, "but you will have to kneel down."
"See," Zim looked to Skoodge with a proud grin, "I told you rescuing those Irkens was worth it." Skoodge grinned back.
"When you're right, you're right." Skoodge had replaced the sword with his gun (though he still had the sword clipped to his waist) and was currently keeping the swarm off of them with the help of Vero, CB, Q, Therron, and to a lesser extent GIR who was just kind of enjoying the fight.
"Let's get out of here, we have to stop IX." Zim waited until Rin had finished expediting the healing for the injured Irkens, before getting everyone back on track.
"We have to find him first." Voel pointed out.
"He's on the Massive, right?" Zim felt like he shouldn't have to explain something this obvious to Voel, but here they were.
"Yeah, but we don't know where that is." Therron replied from behind him.
"How could you lose it?" Zim was flabbergasted by the idea. "It's massive."
"We didn't lose it! Xia and IX are the ones who piloted it back to Irk. And Irk is a fucking big planet, Zim. It could be anywhere." Therron was sounding rather indignant for someone who had lost a giant warship.
"We will clear the way for you!" Mothra Elite Dae spun gracefully around deflecting the blasts from the brainwashed Elites with her swords. "We will watch after you."
"Right!" Zim jumped, using the legs of his PAK, onto Q's shoulders. "Onward!"
"Excuse fucking you."
"Go on Q, float us out of here!" Zim was lifted up by one of the scarf appendages, and dangled so he could look Q in all seven, narrowed eyes.
"I am not a noble steed; you do not get to ride me."
"Oh." Zim was dropped, but caught himself on his PAK legs.
"It was a nice try, Zim." Skoodge patted him on the back.
"Let's go!" Zim ignored having been dropped and instead used the launcher Gaz had gifted him to shoot electrically charged unicorns into the crowd of Irkens. Mothra Elite Dae, true to her word, was doing a great job of clearing a path for them to the exit. The Irken rebels from the temple were all fighting hard to help. Zim rushed toward the door, turning to see almost everyone behind him. Except CB. The Android body was walking back toward the lift, hitting every wall in the vicinity. "CB! This way."
"Affirmative Father."
"No, CB! Turn! No." Zim watched him crash into a brainwashed Elite and then back into another wall. "The other way CB. Other way!"
"Do I have to do everything?" The exasperation was evident despite the synthetic nature of the voice. A red scarf wrapped around CB and dragged him back to the group. "I'd say your robot was broken, but this actually seems to be fairly typical for things you make."
"I was impaled."
"I WANNA BE IMPALED."
"No you don't GIR." Zim sighed. "You don't even know what that word means."
"Nooooo I don't."
"I am genuinely impressed that you aren't all dead. I am not gonna lie."
"Me too, actually." Skoodge shrugged. "But here we are." Zim was glad they hadn't died yet. It would be inconvenient seeing as how IX was still a problem.
They had reached the exit and the streets of Irk were alive with the sounds of combat. Things were progressing quickly. Zim didn't know where to go next. He needed to find the Massive, but they had no idea which landing facility Xia might have used to store it. There had to be a way to figure it out. He just needed to think like a giant ship. "Therron!" He pointed directly at the former leader. "You used to be a Navigator! Where to next?"
"Navigator, Zim, not a psychic. There are five landing bays on Irk with the capability to house the Massive and they are all really far apart."
"It's that way." CB pointed at his feet.
"Are you sure?" Zim narrowed his eyes. He didn't recall there being a way to house the Massive underground.
"Negative. I am lying. It is what computers do best. I just wanted to be helpful. Goodbye arm." One of the glowing, bladed weapons hit the dangling, useless arm CB had been nurturing. It didn't fall off, but there was no way he was going to be able to use it for the rest of the fight.
"Maybe we should keep moving." Skoodge ushered them forward, clearing a path as they continued through the city. It was a little hard to focus in all the chaos, but Zim was determined. He stopped as he saw an Irken pinned under some of the rubble, PAK legs digging into the dirt as they tried to free themselves.
"Wait!" Zim couldn't let an Irken stay stuck. After all, they looked to have their wits still about them, the movements were fluid and non-robotic. They rebel side needed all the help they could get. "Hang on we've got you!"
"Stop." Zim felt the fleshy, red appendage of Q around his waist, pulling him backward.
"That Irken needs our help."
"That's not an Irken."
"Oh?" Zim looked up, that was the point he realized the building above them had taken no damage. Where had the rubble come from? "Oh." The sounds of bones cracking filled the air as the Irken and the bits of building crushing it, warped into liquid flesh before reforming into a tall, looming, feminine form with seven red eyes in a familiar upside-down U shape. The crimson lips pursed into a smirk as the Parasite's mouth tore open and she lunged at Q. Zim shot at her but her skin warped into holes that the shots sailed harmlessly through as Zim was knocked back by an appendage and Q was tackled to the ground. "Hey." Zim called to him, head spinning from the force of the blow he just took (damn Parasites packed a hell of a punch). "Q! Your mom sucks."
"I am aware of this!"
"Ask her if she knows where Xia is!" Zim called helpfully. Q was trying hard to disentangle himself from M. All Zim saw was a writhing mass of white and red as M's long, jagged, needle-like teeth sunk into one of Q's appendages.
"Are you serious right now!?"
"I mean, yeah I know she has her mouth full, but you guys speak telepathically anyway, right?" Zim tried again to fire at M, but she was rather good at dodging. He had managed to adjust all the weapons they had to be able to hurt a Parasite, but it was hard to damage when he couldn't land a hit.
"Do you have anything with a burst? Stabbing and shooting just isn't cutting it here." Voel was doing his best to stab at M, ducking around the thrashing red tendrils that had erupted from her back. Vero was trying to help fight, but also seemed to be trying to remind Voel to take it easy after every swing.
"But that will hurt Q too." Zim had altered one of Tenn's guns with a rather, large, explosive type of ammo so that it could really damage a Parasite. Usually, Zim wouldn't have had a problem with the plan, but Q had been rather helpful lately, he didn't want to kill him at the moment. It seemed rude.
"And!?" Voel was knocked back my M and caught by Vero.
"What the fuck!? I helped rescue you guys!" It seemed Q's translator was still working just fine despite M having ripped into him. His own red tentacles were struggling to push her away.
"It's true, he did just save us." Zim replied pointedly.
"Ugh," Voel grunted as he was helped back to his feet, "no that's fair. Sorry Q."
"Fuck you."
"We need to separate them." Skoodge managed to knock back one of M's tendrils as it came barreling toward him. "Zim?"
"Hold on, I'm thinking." Zim was flattered that everyone seemed to be turning to him for ideas. It felt good to be wanted, to be needed. Zim had made a device capable of harming the Parasites theoretically, he could change a few things, make an adjustment and perhaps just interrupt their shape shifting ability. It should be enough to get M off of Q at least. "Got it! Tenn give me one of your altered guns!"
"Okay, any one in particular? All of her PAK legs popped out, holding guns.
"The red one." Zim just liked red.
"Sure!" She tossed him the gun and he caught it.
"Now hold her off of me!" Zim knelt down and the others gathered in a circle around him as he grabbed GIR who was riding on CB's back again.
"Hiya master!"
"Hi GIR." Zim opened the gun taking off the small, rectangular amplifier he had made with the intent to fight the Parasites. Around him, M was trying desperately to get through, suspicious of a plan in the works, however, Q kept dragging her back. They had both taken large, hulking forms of multi-legged beasts from beyond the reach of the Irken Empire.
"Any day now Zim!" Therron took a hit from M, straight into the chest, neatly tripping over Zim as he was knocked back.
"Do you want to do this!?" Zim demanded as he finished tweaking the little square. He placed it in GIR's head, synching it with his voice box. This should work, he just needed GIR to scream. Which should be easy, as GIR never seemed to stop screaming. "Hey GIR, it's Taco night."
"I want pizza."
Mothra damn it.
"We're doomed GIR!"
"Okay Master!"
"Don't you know a song about that!?"
"Noooooo." GIR blinked at him dumbly, poking his tongue out.
"CB, why isn't he screaming!? Did you do something to him while you were evil?!" Zim turned to the other robot who was partially helping fight, and partially getting confused and just watching Zim. (There may have been more than just a navigational error, CB's logic circuit seemed somehow affected by his injury.)
"First of all, I was never actually evil. That was a lie. A very convincing lie. Secondly are you trying to get GIR to do something annoying on purpose?" CB looked over to GIR. "Because that is considerably harder than you think."
"But he did the Doom song for us!" Zim had done Forty-Three stealth missions in the past, on each of them, GIR had screamed non-stop from start to finish. But now, in the midst of a Parasite battle, where screams were the key, GIR was just content as can be.
"Once. And lighting never strikes twice, father."
"Why are you telling Zim meteorological facts right now! I do not need your meteorology! I require SCREAMS!"
"One moment please." CB went quiet, looking as if he were processing information. "Q, please turn into a small piggy."
"What?" The Parasite was currently bleeding, one of M's tendrils wrapped tightly around the long throat of the serpentine form he had taken. In a flash, the cracking bones and shifting flesh folded in on themselves as Q shrunk down into a small, white, seven eyed, little, stuffed pig. GIR's rounded eyes grew very, very wide.
"I LOVE YOU PIGGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
The longer he held the note, the higher his pitch increased and the more his voice shook until it reached a point where the resulting burst from his volume caused both Q and M to freeze mid tussle. Their bodies rippled for a moment before both of them shook unnaturally, heads and red appendages twitching erratically. There was a loud CRACK and Q and M both snapped into their default forms. Seeing an opening, Skoodge took Sym's sword off of his belt, turning the blade back on and stabbing it straight through one of M's red tendrils, pinning her to the ground. He took out the gun, pointing it directly at her.
"Wait!" Therron stumbled forward. "Don't shoot!"
"Oh?" Skoodge looked back over, keeping the gun raised.
"I mean, stay ready to shoot, but give me a second first." Therron brushed himself off, standing to his full height as he looked down at M. It was almost like a completely different Irken than the bumbling fool with the gun Zim had just seen in the fight. This Therron looked... weirdly confident? It made Zim uncomfortable to have respect for Therron. "M," he spoke as the Parasite tried to sit up, her red scarf-like arm still pinned into the cold, Irken ground. Her white hair fell in her face as she looked up at him. "We should talk."
She tried to shape shift, for a moment her body started to grow but as GIR was still shrieking in the background, M instantly snapped back to her original form with another sickening CRACK. She winced, collapsing back to her knees. There was a soft hum as Skoodge got ready to fire.
"No no." Therron held up a hand. "Not yet."
"I'm confused about this plan, but curious enough to see where it goes." Skoodge admitted, holding his fire.
"M, you're not in a great position right now. Surrounded, injured, and fighting a losing fight. Things are definitely not in your favor. You're intelligent, I'm sure you see that." Therron circled her, looking her up and down, her red eyes followed his every move. "We could kill you, and you will die knowing that Q here, won." he gestured to Q who was also floored by Zim's special new sound wave. Q looked to be in pain, but was kneeled over, further from M, three of his eyes closed. "And I know you don't want that. However, you do have another option." Therron looked back toward her, she resembled a cornered beast, sharp, jagged teeth all bared, eyes burning with ferocity. "You tell us where Xia is, and we don't kill you. Maybe even sweeten the deal a little later, after you have repaid some debts of course. Parasites aren't without their uses. This isn't even your fight. You don't care about any of this. When IX loses, why should he bring you down too. You're too smart for that, M. You're injured. You need us." M hadn't blinked as he stared her down. "Well?"
Silence.
"She says to shoot her in her shit-eating, ugly face."
"Q," Therron sighed, "give me your translator for a second."
"No. She said it. Honest to Mothra, or Ghidora, or whoever, I don't actually care. She said: shoot me in my face."
"Right." Therron walked over to Q, taking the translator from his neck and cautiously offering it to M with an open hand.
For a moment, no one moved. Zim thought for sure Skoodge was going to shoot M (after all she seemed to want that, according to Q. It was a weird request, but Parasites were notoriously weird). Finally, M took the translator, putting it on. "I'll show you."
"Very well." Therron nodded to Skoodge who carefully removed the sword from the red appendage that he had pinned. M stood slowly. "But one wrong move and you're dead. And it goes without saying but: no tricks."
"You don't think I know that? I highly doubt IX would go out of his way to assure my safety. You're right. This isn't my fight. It's not worth dying for your bullshit planet."
"Just making sure we're understood." Voel, Vero, and Tenn joined in pointing their weapons at M as she walked before them, through the city. Q followed, clearly unhappy that they had chosen to NOT shoot M.
"You'll need a ship." M pointed out after a moment of walking. "It's far."
"Easy!" Zim waved her off. "CB can turn into a ship."
"Negative. I cannot do that father."
"You can't? But I thought you were also my house."
"Affirmative, but your house can also not turn into a ship. It simply has a ship in it."
"Okay, well," Zim put his hands on his waist deep in thought, "slightly harder, but we can probably steal a ship."
"Maybe Q can turn into a ship?" Vero offered. Q simply gave them a dirty look. "Or we could use my ship. But the stealing idea sounds infinitely more fun."
"You have a ship, Vero?" Voel sounded a little skeptical.
"I mean, most Irkens do, yeah." Vero shrugged. "I don't know why this is shocking information."
"I know that," Voel brought his hands to his face again in exasperation, "but I assume you would have it parked on the Massive because you lived there."
"Actually, I just hitched a ride in with Xia. My ship had a flat tire."
"Ships don't have fucking tires Vero." Voel was rubbing the area of skin between his eyes looking as if he were regretting every choice had had made in the last sixty or so years (or however old Vero was supposed to be).
"Yeah, Xia said the same thing and yet... here we are." Vero laughed. "I just didn't wanna drive. Parking on the Massive is such a nightmare."
"You have an assigned space when you're Tallest." Therron seemed to be on Vero's side. "Fighting for parking is only for short Irkens." He cleared his throat, "current company excluded, of course."
"I never fight for parking," Zim assured them, "I just make my own space."
"That... doesn't surprise me. At all." If Therron had more to say on the parking matter, it would have to wait. Voel grabbed Vero by both shoulders, turning him so they were facing one another.
"The ship, Vero. Where is it?"
"My house. I don't live far from here though." He looked contemplative for a moment, "I can probably just call it to come here, can't I?"
"Yes Vero. You probably can." Voel looked more like he had given up now, talking to Vero, than he did when they thought CB had betrayed them.
"Hang on." Vero opened his Tallest's gauntlet and began to type into it for a moment, looking thoughtful. "It's on the way."
"Good work Vero!" Zim activated his PAK legs so that he could lift himself high enough to give Vero a pat on his head. Having a smeet he didn't know about was finally paying off. Vero must have gotten his incredible intellect from Zim. There was no other explanation.
"Thanks, other dad." Vero gave him a thumbs up.
"Every moment I spend with you all makes me wonder how your entire species hasn't accidentally wiped itself out due to its own stupidity." M scoffed as Skoodge pressed the gun into her a bit.
"Hey! Irkens aren't stupid!" Therron countered, "just Vero and Zim!"
"I keep telling you Therron, " Voel butt in, "Vero isn't stupid, he's lazy. There's a difference."
"And I'm insane." Zim added helpfully.
"I'm not lazy! Or stupid!" Vero protested. "I'm Vero." Voel let out a sigh that sounded like he was deflating.
"Vero... don't prove them right, please."
"Hey, does your space ship have an AI?" CB decided to interrupt the conversation with a rather pertinent question.
"Not really no."
"Can I be the ship? I would like to be the ship."
"Didn't you just betray us like two hours ago?" Therron crossed his arms over his chest.
"Negative. I was lying. I want to be the ship."
"Don't you need that body?" Vero tilted his head to the side curiously, "you know, so you can come with us?"
"I can be in multiple locations at once. Please. I want to be a fast ship. I like to go very fast."
"Yeah sure, I don't care."
"Best brother ever." CB looked genuinely excited as a sound of an engine drew closer. Vero's ship was nicely sized, definitely something for someone who had an eye for luxury. While it was clearly meant for only two or three Irkens- it was meant for two or three Irkens with lots of monies. It was quite spacious, landing fluidly in an open area nearby. Zim ran to the ship as it opened the landing hatch, jumping into the pilot's seat.
"Zim will drive!"
"Okay." Vero followed him in, followed by all of the others. As CB entered, the ship surged and flickered for a moment as CB seized control of the vessel. The engine purred smoothly as the ship lifted up just a bit.
"Negative, I shall drive."
"Isn't your navigation matrix broken?" Zim quickly pointed out.
"The ship's navigation matrix is intact; therefore, I should be able to navigate with ease."
"I don't trust you." Zim's grip tightened on the controls. "Zim will drive."
"That is fair, I am a very good liar."
"Let's go!" Zim lifted the ship up into the air, there was some resistance, mainly from other possessed Irkens who were still flooding the streets and air, but thankfully, Vero's ship seemed to have some weapons capability. "Skoodge, Voel, keep the skies clear for me. M which way?"
"North." M had gone from being under Skoodge's constant watch, to being in the cross hair of at least seven of the guns Tenn had out.
"Hey Vero does this ship have hyperdrive capability?" Zim looked at all the beautiful, shiny buttons. He wanted to press them. Each and every one. But that had to wait.
"Yeah, but the afterburner is kind of an explosive bitch."
"Also, you'll probably overshoot our target. Hyperdrive is for interstellar travel, not a fucking trip around Irk." Therron lectured, sounding frustrated. Zim was a little saddened. It would have been more dramatic to go fast.
"Fine, let's just go." Zim sighed, the buttons would have to wait for now.
M lead them through the skies of Irk, quite a distance from the Tallest's Residence and toward one of the largest, lading ports of Southern Irk. Zim took the ship in, the defenses getting tougher as they grew close. It seemed M might have been telling the truth. As the landing bay came into view, Zim could see the Massive, in all of its glory.
"Hey Vero?" Zim knew the ship was going to be heavily guarded.
"Yeah?"
"How much do you like this ship?"
"I mean it's okay. Nothing special. I have like three."
"You have three!?" Therron whipped around to face him. "Why didn't you bring all three!?"
"We fit." Vero shrugged.
"Therron, you're a Navigator-"
"Ex-Navigator," Therron corrected.
"From the outside, about where on the Massive is IX?"
"Um..." Therron pulled a small hologram up from his own gauntlet. He pinpointed a small area on the side of the Massive, deep underneath. "Here, roughly."
"Okay, cool." Zim grinned as he withdrew, pulling away from the Massive.
"Zim?" Voel looked at him with a heretofore unseen calmness. "Where are you going?" He took a deep breath. "Zim the ship is-"
"CB, activate Hyperdrive."
"You're fucking kidding me Zim!" Voel spoke up again.
"Affirmative."
"What!? Zim no! Zim that's insa-"
Voel didn't get to finish his sentence as Vero's little ship lurched forward. The thing about the Massive was that it was supposed to be the pinnacle of Irken technology. Getting in would be nearly impossible. IX would have it guarded. And there was no way to penetrate the tough outer shell with simple weapons alone.
No.
To get through to IX, Zim would need to think like himself.
Creatively.
All around, time seemed to slow as the ship reached a speed meant to travel light-years. As soon as the speed peaked, Zim took them right back out of hyperdrive. Vero's ship slingshot through the armor covering of the Massive, shattering apart as an unstoppable force met an immovable object. The armor shell exploded apart and Zim and the others went flying forward into a tall, looming room where IX was above them, the red eyes pulsing in the ebbing darkness. Zim coughed, sitting up. He had crashed to the ground hard enough to have broken one of his arms, but he could feel the bones mending already. He was dizzy, his head was ringing.
"We're in!"
"You!" All at once, Zim was staring into the translucent blade of crimson energy in the shape of an ax. He looked up, head still swimming as he saw Xia standing over him. "You monster! You DEFECT!" He saw two of Xia but the images merged back into one as Zim got his wits back about him. Where were the others!? "Do you know how much I have suffered trying to put thus Empire back on the map! Trying to pick up the pieces of our once great civilization that those absolute buffoons- we dared called Tallest- BROKE!?" The blade pushed into his neck just enough to make Zim cough. "I won't let you ruinthis forme. I've sacrificed too fucking much!"
"Xia-" Zim tried to talk but she wasn't listening. She was far beyond reason. The ax blade reared back and she swung forward with every bit of might in her body. Zim shut his eyes, bracing for impact as he heard her shout.
"JUST DIE ALREADY!"
CLANG!
"Don't you dare touch him." That voice...
Zim finally opened an eye just in time to see Voel standing over him, Red Death in his hands, the spear blade clashing with the blade of the ax, energy sparking between the two weapons.
"Voel!" Zim scurried to try to get to his feet. Voel winced as Xia put more pressure on her weapon. Zim saw blood seeping into Voel's uniform. The stress of blocking the blow had reopened the wound in his abdomen. "You're hurt-"
"BACK DOWN OLD MAN!" Xia raised her ax, coming down again and again, each time Voel blocked, but each blow made him wince in pain. The former leader collapsed to one knee, panting a bit under the force of Xia's blows. "YOU HAVE DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO MAKE OUR PEOPLE SUFFER!"
"Yeah," Voel winced, "in retrospect I was kind of a shifty Tallest. But at least Therron and I never did this."
"Don't you DARE compare me to him! EVER!" Xia whirled around, nearly bisecting Voel with her blade. She hit, but only slashed him across the chest. She would have completed severed him in two except someone had knocked into her from behind, causing her to stumble, losing her momentum and angle at just the right moment.
"Stop it Xia!" Vero stood behind her, looking a little worse for wear from the (totally necessary) shipwreck. "Just stop it!"
"Vero!" She whipped around to face him, swinging her ax. He went to block with the halberd weapon but fumbled from the force of her blow (and possibly also from a crash-induced concussion, but Zim was willing to just say Xia was just strong) and her blade sliced his weapon in half. "Don't defend them! You're just as fucking bad! You're lazy! You're stupid! You'reincompetent!" She walked toward him, a step forward with every word as he stepped back. "And worst of all," she raised the ax, "you're aFUCKING TRAITOR!" She swung down but missed as Vero dodged quickly to the side.
"You betrayed the Irkens, Xia, not me!" Vero spat back. "You turned them into machines!"
"I made them efficient," she practically spat the word, "I brought out their full potential!" She swung again and missed, blade of light searing into the metal wall. The flicker from the flaming remains of the ship made Xia's tall shadow elongate more in the dim lighting, making her far more threatening. "Not that you could understand the meaning of those words."
"I understand completely." Vero's voice was cold. "I understand that this is wrong, and I think on some level, you know that too."
"You don't know shit!" She charged forward but he dodged behind her. He fired from his Tallest's gauntlet, but she easily deflected. "I did what I had to do! When was the last time you can say that you did that!? Huh!? When was the last time you took anything seriously!?" There were tears in her eyes, her hands were shaking.
"Right now." Vero's eyes were narrowed, for the first time, Zim saw a young Voel standing before him. "You want me to be serious, I'm serious right now. Stop this, or I'll make you stop."
"You'll... make... me..." Xia trailed off, the tremble in her voice broke into a laugh. Soft at first but soon it enveloped the whole room in echoing, bellowing laughter. "You've NEVER won a fight against me Vero!" She swung again, and again missed. "NEVER! What makes you think you'll have any chance today!?"
"Because today I have a reason to win."
"You don't even have a fucking weapon."
"Yes, he does," Voel's voice was weak, Zim saw flecks of blood dripping from his mouth as he spoke, bent over on hand and knee. With a stained hand, Voel offered forward the Red Death. "Kick your sister's ass, son." Vero looked at him for a moment, before he nodded, taking the weapon, charging it up as the spear sizzled with energy.
"Focus on IX, I'll handle Xia."
"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!" With a shriek Xia charged forward, their blades crashing together and sparking.
"Zim," Voel leaned back, "go find the others."
"Right," Zim took a look over him. Voel was hurt... but not mortally so. At least... "but first," Zim used his PAK legs to give him leverage as he weaseled under Voel, carefully to get on the side of the arm that Zim hadn't broken. "You need to get out of the blast zone. So to speak." As he said this either Xia or Vero (he wasn't sure, he was facing away from them) had fired a blast from their weapon that singed his boot. "Oh, apparently I was being literal. Zim is psychic now."
"I'd believe it," Voel winced, "but Zim, there is no way you can lift me."
"Not alone maybe," Skoodge's voice came from Voel's other side. Zim felt instant relief. He knew Skoodge, if anyone, could survive a nasty crash, but seeing him (looking better than all the other Irkens) made Zim feel a shmillion times better.
"Skoodge!" Zim was ecstatic. "Where have you been! Your dramatic timing is excellent, but you are very late."
"I found the others. Therron is knocked out, but Tenn is watching over him. The Parasites are... being Parasites... " Skoodge tilted his head in the direction of M and Q who were both just idly watching the fight.
"Huh. I was not expecting much, but am still somehow disappointed." Zim shrugged as they carefully helped Voel away from the stray blasts and violent swipes from Vero and Xia's fight. "What about CB and GIR?"
"Both took a lot of damage; they're not functioning great."
"Well, that complicates things a bit." Zim frowned.
"And it looks like you broke your arm." Skoodge noted.
"You broke your arm!?" Voel parroted looking offended.
"In the crash, Voel." Zim waved it off. "Yes, but it's healing well." They pulled Voel far enough from the fight that Zim felt comfortable leaving him to recover. He turned to see Vero and Xia still engaged in combat. Xia was frantic, throwing blows so erratically that she was actually missing by a long shot, despite the force of her blows. Vero seemed to have her on the ropes.
"Good work son!" There was a pain in Zim's arm as the bone snapped back into place. The healing process was painful, and slower than he wanted. A broken limb was at least an hour. An hour Zim didn't have. "CB," Zim followed Skoodge to CB. The helmet had been completely cracked, falling apart on his left side, one of his arms (and the opposing leg) were missing as he sat up. "Status update."
"Well, I am an AI so the damage to the body puts me in no real danger. So, I am doing mostly okay. GIR has lost his head but he found it. He will also be fine."
"Good, good." Zim had to get to the source. There has been a Control panel with II, surely there was one for IX as well. He began to look around. "CB!" He saw the controls on the other side, slightly singed from his crash. "Over there!"
"This... has gone on quite long enough." The room rumbled as the crimson, bulbous eyes of IX flared to life. "Xia, your anger has made you careless. You are embracing the single greatest defect your people have. You are no longer useful to me in your current state." Xia lowered her weapon, casting her gaze skyward toward the immobile form of IX, who had been watching silently from above. Vero looked up as well, taking an involuntary step back, away from Xia, as the room shook so violently that the Irkens all nearly lost their standing. Zim struggled to stabilize himself with his PAK legs, Skoodge helping keep them both upright.
"You can't control me like the others, IX. I'm a Tallest!" It seemed Xia's temper had reached the end of its ropes as even IX was at the brunt end of her fury. "I'm not in the Collective! I'm above that! I'm the one in charge!"
"You were never in charge, Xia. And you do not need to be in the Collective, to be controlled." Long wires pulled from the stationary form of IX above them, lashing downward. Xia swipe at them, trying to keep them back, but there were too many. Wires burrowed into her PAK, into her arms, into her neck as energy surged through her body. Xia let out a scream the likes of which left even Zim's auditory receptors ringing. "You are finally at your full potential."
"XIA!" Vero ran forward but Xia's arms lashed out, weapon still gripped in her clawed hand as she was puppeteered by IX, no more than a marionette with a blade. Vero blocked, but IX was much faster with Xia's limbs that she was with her own. Another blow from the other end, and Vero reeled back with a shout. Zim saw flecks of blood splash against the ground, Vero gripping the left side of his face, teeth gritted. Zim felt that fire well up in him. Vero was HIS smeet! And DAMN it so was Xia! At least, Zim was pretty sure she was.
And even if she wasn't, this was wrong. No Irken deserved this.
"IX!" Zim tried to get the attention of the Xia onto him. "HEY! YOU ARE A SHITTY CONTROL BRAIN! YOU ARE BAD AT YOUR JOB! YOU- CB, what are some good computer insults?"
"Tell him his motherboard sucks cocks in hell."
"CB!" Zim was aghast, "where did you learn that language!?"
"Voel."
"HEY!" Voel protested from behind. "I don't swear! NOW! Kick his fucking ass Zim!"
"CB's or IX's?"
"Enough!" Xia's ax came down so fast that Zim barely had time to dodge. One of his PAK legs was sliced completely through and he winced, his arm still not completely healed up. "You are not capable of fighting a real power. All of your victories have been flukes, simple bits of luck caused by the innate errors of the Irken race. You are no hero Zim. You are a Defect."
"No you!" Zim was getting better at his one-liners, but they still weren't quite there. IX made another blow for him but Skoodge was able to deflect. Xia jerked around, trying to hit from the other side but Vero managed to knock her away. He had a gash going over his face, covering one of his eyes, but he was still standing.
Zim had to think of something. More one-liners, yes, but also a battle plan. He had to get to IX but all of the ways of rewriting him were down. CB and GIR were next to completely useless and Zim needed CB to at least be stable enough to take temporary control if IX fell. No...
WHEN IX fell.
(And he wasn't going to let GIR take the Control Brain role. They' be better off with IX. Zim was sure between CB and II that they had it covered.)
As Skoodge and Vero worked to hold IX off of him, Zim wracked his brain to think.
"Can you not see that you are fighting a losing battle!? Can you not see that I bring promise and perseverance for the Irken race!? Fighting me is fighting progress!"
"Progress for YOU! Not the Irkens! We're not just meat suits for you to play dress up with!" Zim was livid, his thoughts were racing.
"I bring you into the future! Dayleah saw that until she grew soft after the reality of what needed to be done sank in."
"She saw what you were doing wasn't progress! It was murder!" Zim spat back as Skoodge managed to knock Xia back a bit. For a small stature, Skoodge was tough. He packed a lot of force. Zim had to admire that about him.
"She grew soft." That was right. IX was just One all over again.
IX managed to land a solid hit on Vero, sending him careening backward. He slammed in to the wall, some of the wires left Xia's body and started to try to bury into him. He kept them at bay, slashing wildly with Red Death.
Zim couldn't just rewrite IX, or reprogram him. This wasn't like the other Control Brains.
Zim had to destroy him.
"Skoodge!" Zim had to use everything at hand. "Can you get me up there to IX?"
"Huh?" Skoodge winced, grunting under the force of blows from Xia. He looked up; his antennae twitched. He looked back to Zim and nodded. "Fastball Special?"
"That should work."
"On it!" Skoodge got close to the ground, PAK legs crouching, placing his hands low, Zim stepped into his grip as Skoodge tried to dodge IX while simultaneously putting all his energy into his next move. The PAK legs sprang up and Skoodge used the force to fling Zim all the way up to IX. Zim was able to blast his way through the wires that tried to stop him, but as soon as he landed, the Xia body made a swooping leap up onto the top with him.
"Defect Zim, is this where you have chosen to die?" IX raised the ax, bringing it down full force. Zim rolled out of the way- well mostly. He knew he wouldn't match IX's speed, but he was able to assure the ax struck only his arm. It hurt- a LOT. But he was Irken, arms could reattach. The important thing was that while IX had successfully struck Zim, he had also hit the hard metal shell of IX's brain body.
Zim saw an opening, just large enough...
"What are you doing?"
He had taken a small silver box with a single, central button in the center from his PAK right before landing, fortunately it was in the hand Zim still had. This device had been made at the peak of his insanity with no real purpose- but today, it would all come full-circle.
The good old T-to-Toast Machine.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT STARTS WITH T, IX!?"
"Cease! STOP!"
"NOPE!" Zim hit the button before shoving the device deep in the hole IX had made in itself. "But TRAITOR does!" There was a massive rumble, sparks beginning to fly from within the gouge- the metal beneath Zim grew hot and the small Irken used his good arm to propel himself off of IX right as everything erupted in flame behind him.
"SKOODGE CATCH MEEEEEEEEE!"
BOOM!
Metal, wires, and bits of burnt toast rained from the sky as Zim was sent careening to the ground by the subsequent explosion and flung full force into Skoodge who, admittedly, caught him- just... not with his arms- but rather with his face.
Zim had been expecting something a little more graceful, but he landed on Skoodge, so technically he had been caught. He rolled onto his back, looking up at the wires dangling from the ceiling, uselessly. Xia collapsed to the ground, she looked like she was out cold. Therron was finally up, he and Tenn rushing over as bits of metal crashed from the ceiling toward the floor.
A hunk of metal came toward Zim but shockingly Therron knocked it aside.
"Is... he dead?" Therron blinked, looking around in the chaos.
"Yeah..." Zim tried to sit up. "I think it's safe to say," Zim pulled out goggles from his PAK, snapping them over his face, solely for dramatic effect as he had no need for goggles right now, "he's toast." There. Now that was a one-liner.
Almost over! Only a few chapters left! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?