Chapter 63
(Phoebe's POV)
"Don't scream, Phoebe" his voice is sending chills down my spine. He killed Sawyer. My baby is in my hands. My other baby is upstairs. My best friend is upstairs.
"Leave," I say. My voice is much more unstable than I'd like it to be.
"I need you and Nathan to listen to me," he says, taking a step toward me.
"Get out," I say sterner this time.
"We have nothing to say to you," I say. I hold Sawyer closer to me.
"Is it a boy or a girl? Can I see?" He asks. Fear flows through me. He comes closer. He sees her pink hat.
"A girl, poor thing has Nathan as a father," he says and rage flows through me.
"You are a poor excuse for a father, we are lucky Nathan is nothing like you. Get out now," I say.
"Phoebe, I never liked you. I am not in the mood to deal with you. I am here to see Nathan. You are the reason I am going to prison again, now are we going to do this the easy way or the hard way? Cause I will gladly beat the shit out of you too," He asks. Tears prick my eyes. All I can think about is protecting Sawyer.
"You know Luke Sawyer, he was alive before he died. His neck didn't snap in the car accident," James says. Tears flow through my eyes. I can't think about that right now.
"What do you want?" I ask as I take a step back. I try to maneuver my hand to hit the emergency button on my phone that Taylor programmed.
"Don't think about it," he says and reaches for his belt. All the blood drains from my face. He has a gun. No he has a gun and I have my baby who is not even two days old yet.
"Please," I say as tears fall down my face. He pulls out the gun.
"Drop the phone, bitch," he says and I take my phone out of my pocket, dropping it. I hug Sawyer to me.
"What do you want? Please just don't hurt us," I say.
"I should be hurting you bitch. You ruined me. I am going to ruin you," he says and takes a step towards me.
"Nathan took everything from me. I want to return the favor," he says. He comes over and shoves me to the ground. I land on my tailbone, and make sure Sawyer is held above the ground on my chest. She doesn't flinch as I hold her to my chest. I see his hand moving towards the gun.
"No," I scream and crunch into a ball with Sawyer hugged between me. All of a sudden there is screaming.
"Phoebe," I hear Nathan yell as he is sprinting down the stairs.
Red and blue lights are flashing and policemen are tackling James. Sawyer is startled and starts screaming and crying. I am crying.
"You mother fucker," Nathan yells and tries to go jump James. The police hold Nathan back. He shrugs them off and bends down to me.
"Ma'am are you okay?" A police officer is bending in front of me. I am in shock. I can't move or think.
Nathan takes Sawyer out of my arms. "Phoebe what happened?" Nathan is wrapping me in his other arm.
"Sir, please we need to interview Ms. Moore," the police officer says.
"Come with us, we are going to have a paramedic check you out," the officer says. I turn and hug Nathan. I hug Nathan so tightly. I am shaking. My whole body is shaking.
The paramedics check out Sawyer and me. My tailbone is bruised from falling on the marble floor, but I will be fine. Sawyer is great, she went back to sleep after Nathan unswaddled her and held her. Nathan puts her in the swing and straps her in. After he turns his attention to me. Sawyer is a Daddy's girl.
"Baby," Nathan says and holds me to his chest. I start sobbing.
"I can't," I shake my head. Nathan cups the back of my head and holds me to him.
"Shhhh," he says. "I am so sorry, bee. I am so fucking sorry, I should have been there," he says. I let go and cry into his chest.
"I was so scared, I thought I thought he was going to kill me and Sawyer," I say and Nathan shakes his head.
"I am so sorry baby. I am here, I am here now," he says and I cry.
"Mrs. Moore we really need to ask some questions," the brown haired cop says.
I sit down on the couch. Nathan has his arms wrapped around me. Sawyer is in the dock a tot asleep next to us now.
"When did he come in?" The cop asks.
"He was only here for like 5 minutes before you guys came," I say in a shaken voice.
"What was he asking you?" The cop asks.
I retell the story. I don't leave out any details. I feel Nathan tense as I talk about how he threatened to kill me. The cop is writing down furious notes.
"Did he say anything else about Mr. Sawyer?" The cop asks. I shake my head as I wipe my eyes.
"Did you threaten him?" The cop asks.
"What kind of question is that?" Nathan says getting defensive.
"It's okay, no I didn't," I say. Nathan tightens his grip on me.
"We just want to make sure we have the whole story," the cop says.
"Is he going to prison?" I ask.
"Yes ma'am, he violated his parole and will be going to prison tonight. He also will be going for the murder and conspiracy to murder Luke Sawyer," he says.
"What if he has someone come back?" I ask.
"I'll kill him myself," Nathan murmurs against my hair.
"Mrs. Moore we are going to have a patrol officer stationed at your house tonight," the cop says and I nod. what is happening around here.
"Phoebe? Bubs where the hell is she?" I hear my dad's voice. He rounds the corner and sees me. He rushes over to me holding me in his arms.
"Are you okay? Oh my bubs," my dad says against my hair. I begin to cry. I was so overwhelmed and I still am.
"Oh baby, I am so sorry, we are getting this taken care of security is already on there way," my dad says and I nod. All I can do is cry.
"Please let her be," Nathan says to the police.
My mom takes me in her arms next. She is crying too. Nathan picks up Sawyer when she starts crying. "She is hungry," I say crying. I sit down and Nathan passes her to me. I slip her under my shirt. Nathan is holding me tightly.
I look down watching her. Nathan wipes my tears away. My back hurts so badly. My parents are sitting close to me. My dad is rubbing my shoulder.
"Henry," I say, shooting up.
"Did someone check on him?" I ask. More tears fall.
"Shh baby he is okay," Nathan says.
"No go check, go make sure," I say crying harder. Why isn't he more worried.
"He is okay," Nathan says.
"Damnit someone go check on him, I'll just do it," I say standing as Sawyer eats.
"Okay, okay, hey I'll go," Nathan says gently. Nathan hustles to go upstairs. My dad wraps an arm around me.
"Are you okay? What's going on in that head of yours?" He asks in his calming voice.
"I'm so scared he'll come back or somehow get to us. He said he wants to kill me," I say.
"I am tripling security. I am making sure he or anyone else for that matter can't get within 30 feet without asking permission," my dad says. He is furiously typing on his phone.
"You are safe sweet girl," my mom says. Sawyer finishes eating. I am so exhausted.
I pick her up and gently burp her. Tears fall as I smell her newborn scent. She is so innocent. She relies completely on us to protect her. She spits up a bit and I wipe her off. She is looking at me.
"Hi, Sawyer," I say stroking her cheek. I let her grab my finger. She is focused on me. Her little grey eyes in mine.
I hold her to me. She and Henry are my lifeline. If anything happened to them I couldn't go on. I am so scared. My parents are watching.
Sawyer is holding onto my finger tightly. This is the longest she has stayed awake for. I rock her gently.
"Hi baby," I say sweetly to her.
Nathan comes down and comes to me. I am still staring at Sawyer. "Is he okay?" I ask.
"Sleeping soundly," Nathan says and I nod. Henry is a very heavy sleeper. It is not shocking that he did not wake up.
"Phoebe what do you need?" My mom asks.
"I am so tired," I say. "Of all of this and not sleeping," I say.
"Why don't we stay here for tonight," my dad says. As much as I love them. I know a police car is outside and my bed is waiting.
"It's okay, we will be okay," Nathan says and I nod. I rock Sawyer gently.
"Thank you guys for coming over," I say to my parents.
"I am so sorry this is happening, Bubs. We have security here now, I don't want you to worry okay?" My dad says and I nod. Not worrying is kind of impossible at this point.
"I am going to go get ready for bed," I say. I go to stand up and groan. My tailbone hurts.
"Are you okay?" Nathan asks.
"Yeah, just my tailbone," I say and he nods.
Sawyer starts crying. "Here," Nathan says and takes her.
I hug my parents tightly. My dad tells me how much he loves me over and over again. I know this really shook him. I hug my mom again before walking them out. I head into the master bedroom. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I put on one of Nathan's sweatshirts.
When I go to lay down I have to do it slowly. Shit, my tailbone hurts. I lay on my side and curl into a ball. I start to cry. I am so overwhelmed. He could have shot and killed both Sawyer and me.
"Bee?" Nathan says. He has calmed Sawyer down. I hear him lay her down in the bassinet. He comes over and slides into bed. He pulls me against his chest.
"Shhh I am here," he says over and over.
"It's okay, I am going to protect you," Nathan says in my ear. I know he is.
"I am so sorry, Bee," he says and I shake my head.
"It's not your fault," I say and he shakes his head. He is holding me against his chest. I am so emotional and exhausted.
"Bee, I shouldn't have fallen asleep," he says and I start to cry.
"Nathan we are both exhausted. Do not apologize for sleeping," I say and he wipes my tears away.
Nathan holds the back of my head in one hand and my low back in the other.
"I am going to be here every step of the way okay?You don't have to do any of this alone," he says and I nod. I am so lucky to have him.
"What can I get you? Are you hungry? Dr. Greene said you will probably eat more while you are cluster breastfeeding her," he says and I shake my head.
"I am okay, my back just really hurts," I say and Nathan nods. He slips me onto my pillow. He keeps me on my side and gets up.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Just relax I am going to check your tailbone and rub your back," he says and I listen. I lay my head onto his pillow. It smells like Nathan which for the past 11 years has been the most comforting smell.
I feel Nathan sliding up the sweatshirt I am wearing. I feel him press on my tailbone. "Dude," I squeak out as it hurts.
"It's not broken or fractured," he says and I nod.
"I am going to massage it okay," he says and I allow him to.
I keep my eyes closed. I drift right off to sleep as his hands work their magic.
Not even three hours later, Sawyer is up screaming. Nathan is awake and holding me. I know this really shook him up too. It kills him that he was asleep.
"I'll get her for you, try to stay as upright as possible for your back," he says and creates a pillow wall for me to lean against. I am so lucky to have him.
I slide off my sweatshirt. I am in a nursing bra and that is it. He shushes Sawyer as he picks her up. I check the clock and it is 1 am. Nathan unswaddles her and passes her to me. She is a tiny little thing. Through the exhaustion all I feel is love. Love for my baby and husband.
I unhook my nursing bra and position Sawyer so she can latch on. She stares at me while she eats. I smile down at her. I am so exhausted. Nathan puts my nursing pillow below my arm.
"Here baby," Nathan says and holds my water to me. I take a sip and rest my head on his chest. I start to drift off. Nathan is rubbing my shoulder and watching Sawyer. He is so in love with her.
I look down and switch her to my other boob. She is a big eater for only being not even five pounds. After about 20 minutes she starts to relax and drift off. I feel her diaper is wet. I burp her for a bit until I get a tiny burp out of her.
That is the first thing that makes us both laugh all night.
"I am going to change her," I say and groan as I sit up straight. This tailbone thing is not it for me.
"Here baby I got it," he says and reaches for her.
"It's okay," I say and stand up. The amount of energy just standing took.
"No baby, you sleep. I already got to take a nap already tonight," Nathan says. I decide to let him have this one. I gently pass Sawyer to him. He kisses her head and takes her to the bassinet.
The lights are dim, but I watch as he changes her and swaddles her with both her swaddles. He puts a paci in her mouth and gently walks her around our room. I drift off watching him take care of our girl.
At 4 am like clockwork crying wakes me up. I can barely open my eyes. Nathan was asleep with both arms wrapped around me.
"I got her," I mumble and stand up. I have to grip the sides of the bead. I pick up Sawyer and rock her side to side to get her to calm down.
"Shhh," I say trying to calm her.
I unswaddle her and lift her up. I take her to the couch we have in our bedroom. I sit down and decide to just take off my bra. I lift her to my boob and she latches on. My back is aching.
I switch boobs after she starts to lose interest. I need to start pumping. My breasts hurt between feedings. Not to mention during. I never realized breastfeeding would be painful.
Sawyer falls asleep with my boob in her mouth. I unlatch her and put her to my chest, burping her. She is asleep already. I take her over to the bassinet and swaddle her. Liv is right. We need velcro swaddles.
I turn on the bassinet so it gently rocks her. She seems to like movement so hopefully this will let her sleep for longer. I climb back in bed. Nathan is asleep. I laugh as his arms are still right where they were like he is holding me.
I climb back in bed and Nathan shoots up. "Pheebs," he says and I grab him.
"I'm right here," I say cupping his face with my hands. He calms down and kisses my head.
"Shh, I am right here," I say and we lay back. His arms wrap around me.
"I love you," he says .
"More," I say.
When we get woken up next it is by Henry not Sawyer. Over the monitor he is telling us he is ready to get up. It is 7 am. Sawyer should be up soon too. We got probably a solid 4-5 hours of sleep broken up in chunks.
"I got it," I say and Nathan shakes his head.
"No, you go back to sleep til the little lady wakes you up to eat. I will get him and get breakfast started. Do you want anything in particular?" He asks and I shake my head.
I lay my head back down as he kisses me. I close my eyes and fall asleep right away. Thirty minutes later Sawyer is up and screaming. She is ready to eat. My breasts feel full, so I am ready too.
I pick her up and bring her back to bed with me. I let her latch on and reach over checking my phone. I have two missed calls from Luke's mom. Weird. I hit the call button and hold the phone to my ear. Sawyer is eating away.
"Phoebe?" She says.
"Hi, Mrs. Sawyer," I say.
"Is it true? He was murdered by Nathan's dad," she sounds horrible. I can hear that she is crying.
" I- I am not sure. The police are still investigating-" She cuts me off.
"You do know, fuck Phoebe what is going on?" She says and I close my eyes. I switch Sawyer to my other breast.
"From my understanding, yes he was murdered to someone connected to James," I say and she gasps. I can barely keep my eyes open. I am so tired. I can't think.
"So he died because of you," she says. Her voice is broken.
"Ella, I-" I start to say.
"You murdered my son, my baby boy, fuck you Phoebe," she says and hangs up. As that happens Sawyer starts crying telling me she is done.
Tears stream down my face as I get up and walk to change Sawyer. I am in autopilot. I miss Sawyer so much. I know he would have loved our girl.
I set Sawyer in the bassinet and go to brush my teeth. She is screaming crying, but I need a second. I put my hair into a ponytail and wash my face. When I go back out Sawyer has calmed herself down and is staring at the chandelier.
I put on one of Nathan's tshirts and a pair of his boxers. I am sure I look like a hot mess, but I feel fresh with a clean face and outfit. I pick up Sawyer and head to the kitchen.
Nathan comes over to me and frowns. He wipes a stray tear away. "What is going on?" He asks.
"Ella Sawyer just called me, I don't want to talk about it right now. When Henry goes to daycare we will okay?" I ask him.
"What did she-" I cut him off.
"PLease, not right now," I plead.
He looks as exhausted as I feel. "Mommy," Henry says and runs to me.
"Hi buddy," I say and rub his head as he hugs my legs.
"I help daddy make cakes and paffles," he says and I smile. He means pancakes and waffles. How Nathan had the energy to make that I don't know.
"Wow, buddy. I can't wait to eat them," I say smiling.
"We still haven't seen the finished nursery," Nathan says and I look up. He is right. Rose Cruz did the nursery while we were at the hospital because we didn't know the gender.
"Oh my gosh, how could I have forgotten?" there is a very simple answer to that question.
"Well let's go," I say smiling. I look at Henry who jumps off his chair. We tell him not to do that, and he leads us upstairs. The baby will be in our room for the first couple of months in her bassinet.
Henry opens the door and I gasp. Tears spring to my eyes. Rose did an amazing job. The wood floors are covered with a light grey rug. The walls are white except for the wall with the crib against it. That has a floral accent wall. There is a wooden sign against the accent wall that has the words Little Love in cursive gold letters on it.
The chandelier is beautiful. The rocking chair fits in perfectly. The changing table also has drawers for storage. She also hung and folded all of sawyer's clothes. She did everything perfectly.
"Wow," Henry says. I smile and look down at him.
I smile at Nathan who wraps both arms around me. Sawyer is asleep in my arms. I need to change her for the day. "I am going to get her dressed and changed, I will meet you guys downstairs. Do you wanna get him ready?" I ask Nathan. Henry is still in his superman pajamas. He has daycare today.
"Sure babes," he says and kisses me.
I put Sawyer on the changing table and take off her swaddles and onesie. I throw them in the wooden hamper Rose got us for the nursery. I put on a fresh diaper and bend down to pick out her outfit for the day.
I put her in a jumper that is floral with a matching bow. Rose also filled up her closet with baby girl clothes so she is not always in gender nuetral things. How can I be this exhausted and emotional, but still look at this baby and want to never sleep so I can stare at her? Mom life I guess.
I bring her downstairs. Ava is standing there. I could cry just looking at her. I have missed her. Andrew is in the kitchen with NAthan.
"PG," she says and rushes over to me. She wraps her in her arms.
"Hi," I smile.
"I brought you a coffee, and a bottle of vodka, which do you need?" she asks and I laugh. Still the same old Ava.
"Coffee first, vodka is debatable," I say and she smiles.
"You have made me wait long enough who is this?" she squeals. As she realizes I am holding Sawyer. I refused to tell her over the phone the name and gender.
Andrew comes over and wraps me in his arms. "Hi Pheebs," he says.
"You look great," he says and I laugh. That is almost as funny as Ava's vodka comment.
"Aunt Ava and Uncle Andrew, this is your niece, Sawyer Rose Moore," I say. Ava squeals.
"A girl, I knew it," she jumps up and down.
"Do you want to hold her?" I ask.
"OF course I already washed my hands and everything," she says. I laugh and pass Sawyer over to Ava's waiting arms. I grab my phone and snap a picture quickly. Andrew is standing over them stroking Sawyer's head.
"She is so small," he says and I nod.
"She was early," I say and they nod.
"Thank you guys for taking Henry today," I say. They are taking Henry to daycare on their way to work.
"Can we take her too," Ava asks and I laugh.
"How about at night you can have her," I say and everyone laughs.
Andrew holds her for a while too. When she begins to cry he passes her to me. She is hungry. "I am going to feed her, buddy have an awesome day at school," I say to Henry. We give hugs and then he is off. Nathan and I both have work off because of paternity and maternity leave.
I feed Sawyer and eat breakfast at the same time. I switch breasts as Nathan hands me my coffee. This is so needed. I suck it down quickly. Please let this give me some sort of energy.
"What did Ella Sawyer say to you?" Nathan asks.
I frown and bring Sawyer backup to my shoulder. Nathan reaches out. I pass her to him and he begins to burp her.
"Just that it is my fault her son died, she found out that James had something to do with it," I shrug. Nathan looks pissed.
"I want you to block her number. IF she needs anything she can call me," he says and I sigh.
"Phoebe, I love how empathetic you are. That is part of what made me fall so hard for you, and I know you are going to tell me she lost a son. I feel awful, I do. But that gives her no right to speak to you that way," he says and I nod.
I guess he is right.
"I will come get you if she calls again," I say and he nods. He comes over and kisses me.
"We are going to get through this," he says and I nod.
We both sit on the couch staring at Sawyer.
"She is perfect, we made that," I say and he nods. He kisses her head and holds her tightly to him.
Gosh, I hope everything works out.