Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part LXIV…
Swampflood…
Lady Maud at her desk, in uniform, reading over newly arrived decrypted ravenpost…
"Well, Ser Arnold…" she set the note down and looked over at the somewhat exhausted knight in gleamingly polished armor who'd been standing at attention for the better part of an hour. "Oh, at ease, boy…" frown… "You're Captain of the Guard. Besides, you'll give yourself a cramp…We have important matters to discuss."
"Matters, mein Lady?" Ser Arnold, relaxing with no little relief. Glancing to where the arms…Literally…Of his grandfather…Now hung on the wall, in their armor, Lady Addams having installed her favorite trophies in Gomez' office.
She, glancing back at his look… "Oh…Sorry about that. Didn't mean any offense. Nor was any threat intended there, I did appreciate your honesty in telling me what that treacherous skunk Greatjerk tried to pull. Terminator I wasn't a bad fellow, it was fortunes of war he picked the wrong side…I just cherish my favorite kills. I'll have Lurch take them down."
"Ja, thanks, mein Lady. But as to 'matters'? Shall I gather a force and capture the Tin Islands? Arrest or skewer Greatjerk and annihilate all his wretched clan?"
She sighed…Shrugging…
"That would be fun but hardly worth the trouble, Ser Arnold. We'd doubtless have to support the surviving population. Besides, there's no proof he fled to the Islands as yet. And Percy Bombast, his dad, has already offered abject surrender while disavowing any knowledge of his son or his actions. As it is we'll have to send them food, which may have been their whole plan." Shake of head. "Given our seacoast security is pretty tight, Fearing is surely skulking about the countryside, hoping to reach Robbed Stark and lie or grovel his way out of it. Probably best to leave it to Robbed…Though the poor dunderhead'll likely get himself and remaining family killed trusting Greatjerk or Ser Walter Freyyed one day." Roll of eyes.
"There's more important business concerning us now. It seems our hidden enemy attempted a move at Casterly Rock. Lord Bings, his agent is dead…"
General clapping heard throughout the Great Hall outside her door…Maud frowning a bit but…
Hey…Who wouldn't cheer Jar-Jar's untimely demise?
"Ja, ma'am." Pause as she eyed him… "What move, may I ask?"
"Good, you didn't try to make a wild leap guess just to please me, you're learning, Terminator…" faint smile. "He attempted to poison his cousin, Supercillious, right at the Lannister Council meeting of key bannermen. You know, Tywin's round table thing where he makes a pretense of favoring none but everyone knows who the popular ones are…" arch look…
"Ja, ma'am." Nod. "But…"
"I agree." Shrewd nod. "Why kill a silly twit like Supercillious? Clearly our enemy sought to demonstrate her or his power, sow fear and suspicion, and as a side thing reward Bings who's no doubt been providing intel. Which suggests while our enemy is clever, there are serious limits to his or her ability to recruit major players to whatever Cause they follow. Or, possibly they don't wish serious partners who might be able to challenge them…Likely both." thoughtful nod.
"Ja, ma'am. I see."
"Lets hope so…I need more than a strong dumb fellow here as my Captain of the Guard. And whatever abuse I've hurled at you, Ser Arnold…" another faint smile. "I do think you bear a brain of sorts. Which saving my grandson from what happened out in the fields that he and Branded still won't talk about, confirms."
"Thank you, so much, ma'am. Only my Duty. Thank you for not cleaving me in twain as punishment."
"Nothing to punish, you did well and saved the boys in a difficult sit. You aren't all brawn…Arnold." Appraising stare… "There is a brain in there, though it could stand more use. And you'll get the chance, soon, Captain…"
"Thanks, mein Lady."
"Apart from a body that doubtless won't quit…Easily." Another, less faint, somewhat leaning toward lewd smile. The huge knight staring a bit…
"Never in your service, my Lady Addams!" Ser Arnold, again clanging to attention.
"We'll see about that, later. Business to attend to now."
I thought we were discussing der business…Ser Arnold, blinking.
Oh, mine Gotts…Does this mean?
I had best see mine heart medication is in der gut supply.
"Anyway, Tywin…Shrewd ole fox that he is…Saw through Bings and cornered him. Faked Supercillious' death and got ole Jaw-Jawing Eternally to confess. I must say I'm a bit stunned to hear Bings immediately committed suicide. Never thought he had it in him. But the hidden enemy probably offered considerable punishments as well as rewards…And of course Tywin's dungeons are legend…Wait for me…Dary." Shrewd nod.
"Indeed, ma'am. Many haft dropped der dead on learning they were to experience such." Nod.
"Tywin knows his torture. Though they're idiots…He follows the Westeros Code on Prisoners, doesn't even allow waterboarding, generally." Shake of head. "But Tywin's brilliant at creating the effect…Whether it's terrifying menace, tactical brilliance, or incisive genius." smile.
"Ja, mine Lady."
Lady Maud, rather coy look…Fetching smile, her white hair rather lustrous about her shoulders…
"I'm rather thinking…I don't know…Now that I've got my groove back a bit…" Leaning back in chair… "I might make a good Lady Lannister. Gods know those kids and grandkids of his need a caring, involved mom and grandma." Nod.
"Mein Lady?" eyeing her.
Thought she'd been dressing up a bit recently since meeting Lord Tywin on the non-battlefield…That new uniform has a lovely black sheen.
Not to mention she's been letting her hair down…And not just figuratively in our conversations.
Though most of us thought/hoped/feared she was just getting randy and ready to take on a few of the Guard for fun. Not contemplating Romance.
"And not a bad way to secure peace in the kingdom. I've thought on it before, but Tywin's so devoted to Joanna's memory. As I am to my own honey, Rolfy…" fond sigh. "But life goes on and so must we…And I rather think…" coy smile. "Tywin's nearly ready to start steppin' out again. Long overdue for us both. What do you think, Ser Arnold? Could this dotty ole bag catch a Lannister?"
Considering you were just suggesting sex with me later…Unless my translating skills failed me…Ser Arnold thought.
"He vould be der luckiest of men, mein Lady." Warm smile.
"I'd do my best to make him so…But enough of Romance for now." She waved hand. "What do you make of this affair with Bings?"
"It ist der murky, ma'am mein Lady. But I agree Bings must have been providing intelligence. Tedious as he was to der point of causing suicide or mayhem, he knew all the insides and outsides of Lannister trade affairs. Though I believe Lord Lannister far too clever to let him know more…Particularly as to der military."
"Precisely. Excellent, Ser Arnold." Maud beamed. "Bings knew nothing of Lannister military intel but everything about the trade situation. Meaning?" carefully appraising stare.
"Der Menace ist largely trade oriented."
She raised a forefinger… "Agreed. Our foe wasn't planning a military operation, she or he left that to us dunderheads to stumble into. A nice, bloody civil war…Which would benefit many on the outside…Danerys Targaryen for one…But the trade thing? That speaks of something more…And requires more thought."
"Someone not seeking to invade or conquer but sweep up der pieces?" Ser Arnold eyed her.
"I'd say so…" nod. "Someone well positioned to profit by war but not truly a fan of it…Poor wretch, whoever they are."
"Yet capable of der assassination and murder…" Ser Arnold frowned. "Most unhonorable…"
"Tres, tres…I agree. This modern world of peace and treachery…I long for the bloody old days when you settled differences on the field…Quick." Maud sighed.
"But…" shrug. "Times do change and we must with them…Fortunately, like our ole fox Tywin, our battlefield skills do translate if we're not simply dead meat muscle like that pathetic fool Ser Raging…Less Raging I hear they call him now." Arch smile.
"Since he came to us in abject and pathetic wretchedness after Lady Wednesday had made him puke his guts in fear at the King's Hand's Tourney, yes, ma'am." Faint smile by Ser Arnold.
"Begging for us to offer his apology to Wednesday…" Maud shaking head. "And to let him either join our Guard or run to the Wall. The man is pitiful now. A lump of quivering muscle. I doubt even the Night's Guard will take him. We certainly won't."
"To be fair to him, mein Lady…Der Lady Wednesday was terrifying that day I have heard. Even more than usual." Ser Arnold, nodding reflectively.
"She's a true Addams…" Maud, proudly. "Even if her heart is inclining her to becoming a wuss. Though Gomez has written that she's recovered a bit of the old Addams as a swordfighting masked crimefighter helping him probe the mystery in the capital, while helping that poor Arya Stark keep out of trouble and channel her vengeance constructively. And that Lotus has apparently stepped up and become somewhat more worthy of her, if any man can."
Well…Shrug. "To be honest when I fell for Rolf, I wasn't much better…Got all girly right in the midst of battle. Let him carry me wounded off the field, if you can believe it. Love…I guess it is beautiful." Fond smile.
Wave of hand… "Forgive a bit of dodder in an old lady, Ser Arnold. Tywin's sent out ravens to Gomez and to Tyrion in the capital, hopefully with them in charge as Hand and Acting Hand, Bob will survive. And to be fair, he and Cersei since reconciling have been becoming a pretty shrewd team, politically, so I hear. Things may be looking up." She rose, Ser Arnold coming to attention. "But with Rently and Stanislaw acting like ambitious idiots and that Targaryen girl playing with dragonfire, all on top of our friend the Menace, things are certainly not stable."
"Can we assist Lord Addams, my Lady?" Ser Arnold, worriedly.
"He's in the Midlands heading for the Wall shortly…" she shook head. "I'd say he was wasting his time, playing with his railroad scheme and his coal but this trade angle has me wondering if he hasn't come up with something, my brilliant boy." Warm smile. "But I am worried…He may be trying to expose himself to danger, attract his lightning to that bottle storage thing of his. And he brought Morticia along, which says 'shields down' to me…And probably anyone watching."
"Then Lord Addams means to entrap our enemy…?" Ser Arnold eyed her.
"I'd say he's largely stumbling around…" shrug. "But hoping the Menace will try a move, yes, more or less." Sigh. "I don't want to doubt him but…I could wish he had more like me or you with him. Ser Joad Tom is a good man but only one good man, along with the usual twenty reliable of ours and a couple of dozen Kingsguard, probably a mix of loafers and outright traitors. Not even Jamie Lannister there…Hmmn." She eyed Ser Arnold…
"You know, I was planning to pay a call on Jon Snowed at the Wall. And the situation here, with the Greatjerks groveling and no sign of war…I think I might be able to go ahead. Tell me, has that idiot, Raging Cyst left for the Wall?"
"Not yet, mein Lady…But…" frown. "He ist not fit to be your guard on der way."
"Him? No way…" she chuckled. "But he has a fearsome rep still and for all his brain death has commanded fortresses and small armies, plus he's scared to death of Wednesday. He'd never betray his trust here…If I let him enter the Guard and take over command here as your lieutenant…" careful stare.
"But where would I…?"
Oh…At her smile.
"I am so honored, mine Lady Addams. I vould be proud to accompany you."
"We'll keep it a minimum so as not to alert any suspicions. Just a quick trip to see my gods-son during a quiet moment, eh?" nod.
"Aye, mein Lady." Satisfied nod. "With your permission I shall go inform Ser Raging and alert the guard?"
"Do so. And pack something besides your armor…Arnold…" grin. "Something…Pretty." Beam.
Ser Arnold blinking…
"I'm not even engaged yet, you know." She grinned. "And it never hurts to give a comfortable old warthog like Tywin a spur to action. You can be…A spur…Can't you, Arnold?" smile.
…
Dyad Citadel…
The lower levels, clearly a euphemism for "dungeon"…
"Not exactly what I thought our deal meant…" Danerys frowned at Rachel of Duncan as they stood watching the two chained dragons attempting to fly round the chamber. She herself now likewise chained to a post in the floor.
"Only temporary, your Highness." Rachel, coyly. "Soon as you demonstrate your abilities with your 'children' here and we process your tissue samples, you'll be released, you have my word."
"I have Lord Trumpo Don's word…And he's a nobleman and Chancellor…If not exactly legally…"
"Whereas I…Am not even quite human?" Rachel smiled coldly. "Well I think the 'chancellor' would point out that might usually makes right and legality. It made your family, rulers. But of course I fully intend to keep our agreement."
"You'd better…" Danerys, firmly. "After all I have Divine Right on my side…And I've generously offered you a place in my kingdom."
"Lady-in-waiting/palace whore/unofficial adviser whose advice might be taken once in a while…" Rachel nodded. "How could I resist such an offer?"
"No sane average Jane human or clone would…" Danerys shrugs. "Now a real person of noble birth with a modicum of self-respect…? No way, Jose. All right, what did you wanna see?"
"Take-off, landing, navigation, maybe a bombing run…" Rachel shrugged. "Whatever the little sobs are up to."
"Yes, whatever…" Phat Pree/Matt had emerged from a recess in the wall.
"Must you keep doing that?" Danerys eyed the purple-skinned Phat Pree.
And must you always look so creepy doin' it?
"What…This was a secret panel, not the teleportation thing. That uses up a lot of power." Matt noted. "Plus it's the repeated use that's given me this skin condition…It's not yet certified for regular use."
"Dad? What are you doing here?" Rachel frowned.
"Oh, please…" Danerys shook head. "As if you and he didn't have this planned…"
"Actually, no…" Matt shrugged. "But I suspected my little Rachel might have made a bid for power herself. Especially when two of the dragons had vanished from my lab this morning after I took specimens yesterday."
"A clerical error…I'll have the storage clerk flogged." Rachel noted. "Dad…You know I'd never…" winning smile.
"Order 666…" Matt intoned.
Damn…I knew I should have finished reading that article on mind control…Rachel's last free thought as she went blank.
"Rachel? Now tell me…Did you take my dragons to seize power?" Matt asked, rather kindly.
Danerys staring at the blank-faced Rachel...
"Yes, sir." Rachel, flatly.
"A little safeguard I built into my kids…Ensuring absolute parental authority." Matt noted
"And she was betraying me, weren't you?" Danerys called.
Frowning as Rachel eyed her, silent.
"It only works for me…" Matt explained.
"What? But I'm the Queen…Mama of Dragons…Etc, etc…I'm a Targaryen…" Danerys, insistent.
"And I'm very curious to see how the same process works on you. See, you don't have to be a clone, do you, Rachel?" he turned to Rachel.
"No, father." Flat tone.
"And she was planning to try it on you anyway…Right, honey?" he smiled at his "daughter". "I saw the library loan request for that article…"
"Yes, father…" blank stare.
"On me, the Queen Mama? On a fire-resistant Targaryen?" Danerys glared. "Please…"
Uh…Please…As several male clones appeared from the shadows, one pushing a cart…
"I doubt fire-resistance really matters here. But, don't worry…Even if this kills you…" Matt, reassuringly… "Which I'm 90% sure it won't…I'm 98% sure it'll be painless, even if you become a vegetable."
"Wait…" As the cart stopped by her and three males approached. "Maybe we can make a deal? I'm more useful to you alive than 10% dead, right?"
"That's not really what I meant…" Matt sighed. "And I think I'd feel safer if you were fully under my control…"
"But you can't be sure I'd be able to control my guys here…Once you made me into a symp, like her…" Danerys indicated Rachel.
"Oooh…Hardly that." Matt put up a hand. "Her mind's just a bit blanked, with my will controlling."
"That's actually kinda neat…" Danerys noted, eyeing Rachel. "With that and your cloning, we could make the army I need, nothing flat…"
"I already have one, sweetheart…And yeah, under my control. The Mindless Invincibles…" Matt nods, smiling. Fondly patting one male clone.
"Really?" she stared. "But if you've got an army of clones, under your control…"
"What did I need that idiot Taro Trumpo Don for?" Matt, brightly.
"Yeah, pretty much…And my dragons…"
"Well, air power is the wave of the future as to your dragons…And even I haven't really mastered powered flight yet. As for Poor 'Chancellor' Don? Well, means to an end while I built up my army. He had contacts and a degree of populist support…I needed a place to work unbothered, some access to government funding and resources, a chance find a cure for my kids, now my kid soldiers…Btw I think I have the cure, thanks to you, dear…And the boys here." He nodded at the dragons now protectively beside her.
"And now that my army's ready…The city government is under control and soon that will be my control…Allst I need now…Is you." He eyed her. "And 'Chancellor' Don will have to accept retirement."
She stared, rather horrified…
If a bit curious…I mean, I got purple eyes, he got purple skin…If he's not bad in bed, maybe we're meant for each other?
Nah, too creepy.
And he's not of noble birth or the royal blood thing…
Can't be getting it on with peasants, however well-educated and clever and purple…
And then there's Ser Jonah…Poor guy. I have kinda led him on a bit…Given I can't do more than screw him as he's not high enough on the scale. But I owe him at least enough not to do this sob before him.
"Seize her…Gently. Don't upset the boys there, boys. Rachel? Would you please stand between me and the dragons, just in case? Thanks, dear." He nodded to her blank face as she moved.
"Wait! Don't you touch me, you freaks!" Danerys cried. "I'm the Queen…The Queen! Touch me and you die, all of you!" as two clones seized her. The two dragons anxious now but blocked from viewing her by Rachel.
"You're an errand girl, sent through time by purple-eyed, white-haired grocery clerks…" Matt frowned, sneering.
"And you'll be my errand girl and mouthpiece when I'm done with you."
"Up, Drogon, up Reallygone…!" she cried. The two dragons flapping wings and flying up above the group of humans.
"My mom was something of a hippie in her day…She liked the name much better than the traditional dragon 'Rhaegal'." shrug to the astonished Matt…
Reallygone?…What?
"Make the bad guy burn, boys! Mommie says so!" she called.
Whoa…The male clones staring before they joined Matt in burning with agonized screams…The two dragons not being too particular about which "bad guy" to burn.
Rachel, however, suddenly released from Matt's control by his demise…
"Stop! Enough, fellas! Mommie says Hold IT!" Danerys cried as Rachel cowered behind the cart.
Hamina…Hamina…Hamina…
"Do we have a deal or you want to join your abusive dad?" she eyed Rachel.
…