'How about Tidus... Or Cid...' they were in the living room again.
Claire Farron lay curled up on the couch with a pillow under the small of her back and a very long scroll of parchment in her hands, pen clasped between her teeth.
They had been discussing names on and off for the past few days, had scoured every name book in the local library, had asked all their friends, had come up with new creations of their own now and then even, and still they hadn't been able to come to a conclusion.
Who would have thought that naming your kids would proove such a difficult task?
Well... It was definitely a decision one was not to rush. It was one the two poor souls would have to live with their entire lives.
'As in Cid's pasta parlour?' Sephiroth asked somewhat incredulously, from his place over in the kitchen where he was busy getting rid of the last meals remains.
The thought of it made Lightning cringe.
'Okay... Not Cid then.' she said somewhat decisively, crossing out the name on her very very long list.
Browsing the scroll for ideas again, her eyes caught on a line at the very bottom where Zack and Cloud had scribbled names such as 'Hercules' and 'Brutus'. It made the pink haired woman shake her head.
'Hmmmm... Auron maybe?'
It made Sephiroth emit a chuckle.
'What makes you think they'll be boys?' he asked somewhat curiously.
'I just know.' Claire Farron answered, smiling her knowing first class smile.
'How about Marlene or Vanille. They could be girls, you know?' Sephiroth suggested in defense.
'They won't.'his fiancée assured secretively.
'I just know.'
General Sephiroth Crescent stood in the middle of a circular room, his heartbeat steady, vision clear.
His surroundings illuminated by a fiery golden sheen coming through the windows from the town outside, he identified his surroundings as a living room, the furniture shabby, simple, provincial.
The air smelled like smoke and blood and fear and death.
There were corpses lying at his feet.
A woman and two kids. A man and a dog even.
They lay all strewn around him, their chests unmoving, motionless, their eyes blank, wide in terror, their faces flecked with blood.
Sephiroth did not give them a second glance.
He was fourteen years old and his silvery white hair had grown past his chest and down to his abdomen. He was towering above his victims, black leather coat rippling, Masamune clasped tightly in his gloved hands.
He was a battle angel, the herald of death, was all the apocalyptic horsemen combined,
was Shin-Ra's arrow, struck, straight into the wutai's heart.
He was on his first ever wutai mission. One of the first times he'd seen the surface of the world. Had been sent to one of several wutai villages he would descend on to destroy the next few months, weeks, days.
And he was doing marvellously.
Beating simulations it turned out, had been much harder than fighting the real thing, much more exhausting, challenging. The wutai of the real life didn't put up too much of a fight, were inexperienced, cowards, weeklings, ants, crawling at his feet, ready to be crushed underneath the sturdy soles of his heavy combat boots.
Yes. Slaughtering people in real life had turned out far more easier than he had anticipated, and also so much more rewarding.
There was not much of a gap between the training room simulations and the thing out there,
but the fact that it was real was what made all the difference. Was what gave him a long anticipated rush of adrenaline, of joy, of pride.
Yes. He was proud of himself. Was proud of all the things he could do.
And it was with his vision tainted by bloodlust that he had walked across the village cutting down every single breathing thing he had encountered, wreaking havoc on their belongings and setting up their lands in flames.
The tiny idyllic village, he'd erased it from existance, had tracked down every living soul, had traced them down methodically.
Every man, every woman, every child in the entire wutai him that made no difference whatsoever.
His Masamune cutting through their spines as though through weeds, no matter how many of them he encountered, they all fell before him like pieces of domino.
Yes. Killing in real life was different. Was a whole new experience entirely, excited him as no simulation training ever could.
He was fighting for a real cause now. Not just for the sake of beating the simulation, for becoming the best.
Not that it made much of a difference to him really.
No.
He did this for joy, for excitement, for personal fulfilment.
Would have done it even had it served no good. Would have done it even without Shin-Ra instructing his every move.
For the first time in his life he had free range to do what he did best.
For the first time of his life he did feel free.
It was holding his breath and pricking his ears that he listened. Sensed the area around for movement, tasted the air for new remaining targets.
It was earily quiet outside.
The screams and shrieks and wails had stopped and there was only the peaceful crackle of the fire, readily consuming what was left of the village, and everything inside.
His job here was done.
Mission accomplished.
He was about to shed his immensely long katana, had just finished clearing the blade from accumulated body juices, when suddenly there came a noise from right behind him.
A high pitched desperate wail, coming from a tiny wooden crib at the far end of the room.
It disgusted him to no end.
Stepping over the lifeless bodies lying at his feet, he slowly made to cross the room, made to approach what was probably the last living inhabitant of the entire wutai village.
The fire outside turning into an inferno, it was with the room illuminated by the flames that finally he reached the crib, made to look inside it.
There it was. A tiny writhing bundle, crying in despair and reaching out for him with big fat chubby hands.
He drove Masamune home without batting an eyelid.
There was a flash of light and the big provincial room had turned into his freshly furnished nursery.
Suddenly there they were. His future wife and kids. On the ground in a puddle of blood, their faces disfigured and their bowels spilling out of their cut open forms.
General Sephiroth Crescent shot up into a sitting position and straight into a pair of warm reassuring arms wrapping themselves around his thorso.
'Ssshhhh...It was just a nightmare.' a familiar soothing voice whispered into his ear as careful gentle hands came up to rub comforting patterns into the sweaty skin of his trembling back.
Lightning.
She was there. Was talking, breathing, was alive.
It took the silver haired first class a few moments to take that in. To realize he was awake. That it was light ouside already, the first rays of the sun shining throught the open window of their room and a flock of birds singing their morning greetings somewhere in the back yard.
Took him another few moments to realise that he was in his bedroom, that what he had experienced had been just another flashback of his past, paired with yet another nightmare.
His entire body shaking uncontrollably, he burried his face deep into his finacée's soft and shiny hair.
'It's okay.' Claire Farron muttered soothingly as she made to stroke his head, his back, his arms. Leaned forward a little further to press the side of her head to his.
'Lightning, I cannot do it.' the man in her arms suddenly stuttered.
It made the woman hold him tighter still.
'You cannot do what?' she asked not unkindly.
'I cannot be a father.'
It was true. Was one of his worst of fears revealed.
It made the woman in front of him slightly pull away to look into his face.
'Sephiroth, you're going to be a wonderful father.' she assured him, looking deep into his mako eyes.
The man in question simply shook his head, buried his face in her hair again.
'You don't know about half the things I've done.' He muttered against the side of her neck.
It made the pink haired female shudder, made her skin errupt in goosebumps, and not from his breath alone.
'And I do not need to.' she reassured him instantly.
It was true.
No matter the amount of horrible things he had done in his past, no matter the cruelty of the orders he had carried out for Shin-Ra, the savagery of the deeds he had commited in the wutai war, they were all a thing of the past.
Nothing that mattered in the here and now. Nothing that defined their future.
Nothing that could be changed either.
'Sephiroth... You are going to be fine. You are a different person now. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past, what Shin-Ra made you do then. That isn't you anymore. And I know that.' Lightning told him, the voice leaving her lips was firm, sincere.
He held on to her tighter.
'It's going to be fine.' she said again.
Sephiroth was not so sure.
If lightning only knew... All the things he'd done. All the crimes he had committed. Crimes against humanity, his very soul. All the people he had killed, without even the bat of an eyelid. All those lives he had taken completely unnecessarily, without giving any of it a second thought.
Soldiers, peasants, farmers, women, kids, babies in their cribs, to him they had all been targets. Where Shin-Ra had sent him he'd brought war and destruction, death. It was what had made him the legendary hero of the wutai war. The commanding institution of the Shin-Ra defence forces. And he had enjoyed it too. Had been proud of his achievements. It had been what he had been made for after all, his purpose, his destiny.
The coldblooded killer, the monster. That was who he really was, wasn't it?
Who was he trying to fool playing the father-mother-child game out here in the village of Bodhum?
Shin-Ra had hammered it out of him. Every last dent of humanity. Had forged him into a smooth cold blade, a war machine, a death angel, a ruthless killer without morals, without remorse, without heart... Still there he was, shivering, trembling and crying and weak, holding onto the woman infront of him as if his life depended on it.
Maybe it did.
'No matter what you did in the past, SOLDIER is no more. Shin-Ra is no more. And the Sephiroth from back then, he is no more either.' Lightning whispered as she held on to his shaking form.
'You have changed so much already. You are not the same person anymore. I know you could never hurt your family. You could never hurt our kids.'
It were those last few lines that made the general look up, made him stare into her eyes.
You already hurt her.
Lots of times.
The voices in his head were eager to point out. And rightly so.
It had happened on multiple occsasions and he had done so without any regrets until then one day... Suddenly he couldn't do it anymore... Couldn't bear to lay hands on her anymore.
One day all his hate, his fears, his anger had turned into respect, into apreciation, into care even.
Now he was a pathetic shaking mess crying because of a nightmare about his future wife and kids.
When had that happened exactly?
'It's going to be alright.' the woman who had her arms around him assured again, and again. A futile attempt at calming his haywire nerves.
Nothing was going to be alright until he set it right. That was the bitter truth he had to face.
The danger that had been looming above all their heads was still there, outside, waiting in the forrest. Was binding it's time, planning it's attack.
And it would remain there doing so until the day he fianlly found the guts to act.
His heart racing like crazy still, head pounding with old memories, General Sephiroth Crescent saw flickers of his dream superimposed on his vision, found his body shaking violently and his flesh craving for a mako shot.
And there were of course the omnipresent voices. Those tiny voices in his head who never seemed to give him even a tiny single break. Urging him to come closer.
It was a few weeks later that the dogsters returned for real. Not in as great numbers as they did before and not once even remotely close to the city but still, there had been awkward run ins, had been the occassional encounter on some of his patrol rounds in the forest.
The dogsters seeming to spawn out of thin air, one could never tell when one would show up, could never know for sure when one would be surprised by a small pack charging at one from behind the next bend.
Sephiroth wasn't in his best form. Was infact getting weaker and weaker. A fact he found himself painfully reminded of everytime he fought.
Yes. The effects of the mako that had fuelled him for all his life were waning, dwindling. Still. He had skill.
It was all that kept him alive those days spent out in the wilderness, those endless days spend combing the thickets for clues, for tracks, for anything hinting towards greater threats, but to his surprise they never come.
It made him feel both relieved and very anxious.
Somehow it all felt wrong.
Felt like the calm before the storm.
The truth was he was getting weaker and weaker, that he was running out of energy. And he was also running out of time.
His strenght was running out with every day, and so was his chance to get out of all of this alive, his chance to actually succeed in his undertaking in the first place.
Because no matter how hard he tried to deny this fact, there was something hiding in this forest. Something terrible. Something binding it's time, waiting for an opportunity to charge, to attack, and he knew exactly where to look for it.
The truth was it had all been in vain. The endless scouring of the forests, the endless watching out for tracks. It had been a cat and mouse game really, one he had been playing with himself. A stupid past time really, only to distract him from what he knew he would have to face eventually.
General Sephiroth Crescent knew there was no more time to waste.
The truth was he needed a mako shot, was weak without the mako, unable to stand up to his foe. And there was only one mako shot left.
One mako shot. One last big mission.
The reactor. His final destination.
He knew he would have to face his fears some day, would have to face whatever it was that was hiding there inside, would have to stand up to his worst of nightmares even and he would have to do it soon. Would have to do it before he ran out of mako entirely.
He owed that much to Lightning to his children, to his family.
There was no point delaying any of it any longer, he was aware. Knew that it was stupid really, dangerous to be exact. The longer he waited the weaker he would get.
Still he had been hesitant, cautious, scared.
The truth was he was urging for that shot, was craving for it really.
That final mako shot.
He knew he couldn't risk going to the heart of the forest without it. Couldn't allow himself to take it before he was ready, before he could be sure he would succeed. Couldn't allow himself to make mistakes.
It was his one last final chance to face what lay inside. His last chance to do what he wouldn't be able to do without it. His one last chance to set things right.
One he knew he could not let himself screw up, one he know he couldn't possibly let pass.
Still, it freaked him out to no end. The thought of going back there.
What if he wasn't up to it anymore? What if this time he couldn't win? What if the final mako shot was just as much a fluke as the last one? Would he be able to succeed?
Sephiroth didn't know. All he knew was that he had to take action. And he had to do it soon. Whether he wanted it or not.
It was friday afternoon, another brilliant sunny day with not a single cloud in the perfect azure sky and the usual gentle breeze ruffling through the Bodhum palm trees. Lightning was going out with Serah, taking care of yet another wedding preperation thing and it was from the tiny glass inlay of the front door, that Sephiroth watched their retreating backs as they made over to Snow's pick up truck.
They were going into town again, were busy with shoppings and fittings and what nots and they wouldn't be back for another few hours.
Well, it was probably the longest possible timeframe he would get.
He didn't know when Lightning would next leave the house again, if ever.
It was now or never.
Making his way over to the bathroom in long determined strides he got down on his knees to open the bottommost drawer of the bathroom cabinet.
It still sat there waiting in it's depths.
The tiny inconspicious leather case carrying now only a single mako shot.
The remaining syringe sitting in it's designated slot, it was with slightly trembling fingers that the silver haired first class took it out to examine it against the light, coming from the window.
The slightly slurry contents, the once delicious refined mako, Sephiroth could not deny that it had lost some of it's shine, had grown a little dim, looked dull, expired.
Still, it was all that he had. His only and very last hope.
His last chance to set things right.
With this last mako shot he was going to pull it all of.
He'd finally get his shit together, toughen up and go straight to the heart of the forrest, straight to the reactor.
It would not be waiting and watching from the outside this time either. No, this time it would be going inside for real. This time he had come to enter. This time he had come to bring things to an end.
This time he would set things right.
It was the only chance he had left.
The only chance to set this straight.
There was no way he would be able to face what lay inside once he'd run out of mako alltogether, no way he would be able to succeed once he'd become all weak and whiny.
Fuck, he didn't even know what would happen to him exactly once he ran out completely, what he had to expect. He might not even live to find out. He was aware of that.
Yes. It was really now or never.
He had to give himself that mako shot. And better sooner or later. He didn't have much time.
Pulling off his shirt to expose his perfect upper body, he made to unbuckle his belt and use it as a tournequet.
It was easier to find a vein this time. He was getting better at it, had become more practiced.
Not that he would need to do it ever again.
He had no shots left after all.
It didn't really matter.
There was only one thing left to do for him and the time to do it was now.
He might die on the endeavour. True. But he would make sure his family was safe. Would make sure this nightmare would not pursue them for the remainder of their lives. Would make sure they were safe, secure, were free.
Yes, Yes Yes... Do it.
The voices in his head chimed in unision.
Take the mako, do it!
It was with the syringe sticking in his arm that Sephiroth looked up, suddenly hesitant.
Was he doing the right thing? Suddenly he wasn't sure.
The last mako shot had not worked as he had anticipated.
How big where the chances this one would?
Give us the mako! Now!
Could the expired mako harm him? Could it be dangerous to take it? Could it kill him?
Kill him before he even had the chance to face his destiny?
Mako!
Mako!
Mako!
Well. There was only one way to find out. One way to set things straight. One way to safe his family.
It was with a rush of determination that he pushed the plunger down, forced the mako into his veins, to find his world spiralling into darkness.
Come.
Come Closer.
'Oh my god, Sephiroth!'
Lightning was over by his side and down on her knees in almost no time at all. Pregnancy or not.
Her voice, it was the first thing that reached him, the first thing he really heard through his pounding headache, through the deafening cacophony of his heartbeat, the voices screaming in his head, the flow of blood rushing through his veins.
The desperate, violent shaking of his body the first thing that he felt.
Still it all came from a huge distance, came as if from very far away. Felt like from a different universe entirly, felt veiled, felt muffled, dull, hardly made it through the underlying current of pain, of agony that was rippling through his body.
His muscles cramping ruthlessly, his heartbeat wild, irregular, his breathing came in painful laboured gasps and his head was throbbing mercilessly, world still veiled in blackness.
There was the feeling of cold desperate fingers fumbling at his arm and then the relieving feeling of pent up blood flooding to his veins.
Shit, he'd almost been a goner. He suddenly was aware.
He'd almost snuffed it.
His body complaining painfully, skin burning up from the inside, the thought of death, suddenly it seemed a very comforting one.
'Sephiroth!' it were his fiancée's desperate cries that made him come back to reality, where her desperate slaps to his face that slowly made him blink open his mako eyes.
'Thank's Etro... I thought you were dead.' Claire Farron muttered in relief.
She was right there beside him, her scared but pretty face hovering above him, ice cold hands clutching his face desperately.
She was so cold. So infitely soothing cold and he himself was burning, was suddenly ablaze.
The silver haired man on the ground, with his skin pricking as if pieced with at least a thousand needles, he found himself unable to respond, unable to react. The mako surging through his veins still scorching him from inside, he found he couldn't form a single thought, let alone speak a single coherent word.
Had that mako been expired for real? Sephiroth didn't know. Had no way to tell.
Staring at the empty syringe lying a few feet away from him on the smooth white bathroom tiles, the silver haired first class couldn't help but wonder.
Somehow none of it made sense.
None of it felt real.
Felt distant, muffled, wrong.
There was something tugging at his shoulders, sneaking underneath his armpits and pulling him up against a heaving chest. There were more cries, no sobs really, and hot salty tears landing on his nose and forhead and making down his cheeks.
'Sephiroth!' the woman right there with him sobbed, called his name again and again as she stroked his head his arms his hair, held on to him with icy shaking fingers.
Still he felt unable to respond. Unable to move a limb. Unable to take a single steady breath.
And then suddenly there he felt it, plain as day.
Their bond, and Ligtning reaching out for him from her end, forcing his muscles to realx and his heartrate to calm down, making his breathing even and his pain dull to a numbing throb.
It took several more minutes for the man to regain control, for him to finally come down enough to operate his useless body.
It made him bring up his arms and hug the woman back held on tightly to her trembling arms. Well, as tightly as he could.
'I am sorry, Light.' he finally brought out, his voice a rasp.
It was all he had been thinking for the past few minutes.
'You were not supposed to see this.'
It was true.
Her finding him like this, finding out in the first place, none of that had been part of the plan.
He was supposed to be miles deep into the forrest by the time she came back, had thought he would have reached the reactor before she would have started to worry. Would have been back ideally, before she would have begun calling for Genesis or Angeal.
Well none of this had gone according to plan it seemed and that last statement of his had made the woman of his dreams look down at him with wild hurt eyes.
'Weren't you supposed to be out with Serah?' he asked as if it were some kind of explanation or apology, making the woman infront him give him an accusing stare.
'It's eleven pm.' she replied somewhat flatly.
And it was only then that the general realized that it was already dark outside. The sun had gone down and with it the opportunity to reach the reactor before dawn.
Not that he would have been up for the journey in the first place.
'Ohw...' he muttered somewhat stupidly as looking around him he tried to orietate himself.
'You must have been out for hours.' Claire Farron pressed, looking at him all the time with those big blue eys, part accusing, part relieved, part scared shitless still.
It made the silver haired first class's heart ache.
'Sephiroth, what is going on?' she finally asked as she kept looking back between him and the syringe, the tiny puddle of vomit that was on the ground over by the cabinet and the belt of his shorts he'd been using as a tournequet.
Fuck, he must have thrown up while he was out.
He hadn't even realized.
It made the silver haired man lower his head in self loathing, anger, in pain.
He was ashamed of himself. He really was.
He was just a dirty petty mako addict. Nothing more, nothing less.
He was a junky.
A good for nothing.
And a dangerous one on tops.
Still, he couldn't help it.
'It's the mako.' he finally revealed, his voice so low that she could barely hear it, fuck he almost couldn't hear it himself.
'I'm addicted.'
It made Ligthning's eyes go huge, made her mouth gape open stupidly.
From all the things she ever had expected from him, this had never been on the list.
General Sphiroth Crescent had no weakness. And definitely not like this.
But he did. He really did. And it was this realisation hitting her full force that made her hold him tighter, made her heart reach out to him.
'You brought that all the way from Midgar.' she asked after a long pause, looking over at the empty syringe that still lay on the ground.
The man in front her gave just a tiny nod, was unable to look into her eyes.
'I see.' Lightning answered slowly.
Her voice was empty, calm, emotionless.
It creeped Sephiroth out to no end.
'It was the last one!' he choked out defiantly. 'The last one that I had!'
As if that would explain a single thing. As if it were some kind of appology, of promise, of whatever, really.
The silver first class unable to look into his lover's eyes it was with his head hung low, and his heart beating uncomfortably, that he inspected the silhuette of his feet.
What was he to do, to say, to think?
How was he supposed to explain it to her? He'd already screwed up so many things. So. Many. Times...
It was without another word that Claire Farron got up from her feet and left the room.
Hurried footsteps echoing down the hall, eager to get away from him as fast as they could it seemed, Genereal Sephiroth Crescent found himself left to himself on the cool tiles of the bathroom, left to his excruciating self loathing, left to his personal agony, his hell really.
She was abondoning him.
He had always suspected it. Had feared it, from the first day they had come together.
Had always expected her to one day change her mind, to finally realize that he wasn't good for her, wasn't good for anyone.
And he couldn't blame her either.
Not a single tiny bit.
He had screwed up again and big style.
Now he was alone again. Alone.
Cut off from her and from their kids and everything that mattered.
How the fuck was he going to set things right this time?!
It was only a minute later that the mother of his unborn children had returned and was back down on her knees beside him.
There was a stack of freshly loundered clothes in her lap and a fluffy towel in her hands.
'We gotta get you into some dry clothes or you might catch a cold.' she announced as she started rubbing away at his back.
It made him look up at her with surprised big mako eyes.
She was trying to be kind to him, considerate, was trying to take care of him, to console him, was fussing over him, eventhough they both knew he'd never had a single cold in his entire life.
Still it worked. And big style.
'You're a mess.' Claire Farron said sincerly as she found his mako gaze.
There was no hate there, no anger, no resentment. Only worry and a deep desire to set things straight.
Continuing to dab away at him in an attempt to dry off his arms and thorso, she finally sat up onto her knees and made to help him out of his pants.
'Maybe you should take a shower... No a bath.' she decided as she made back to her feet and over to the bathtub where she began working the tubs to pour a bath for him.
Sephiorth could only stare.
Just a minute ago he had thought he'd lost her. Had thought she'd left him there for good.
Now she was back and fuzzing over him as though over a lost puppy. Was looking at him with care, with love, as though he hadn't just injected himself with a potentially deadly drug and threwn up all over the bathroom. Not to mention the deathscare he must have given her when she had found him on the floor unconscious, needle probably still stuck in his skin.
Sephiroth could not help but stare at her in amazement, awe, in disbelief.
'It's okay.' Claire Farron cooed.
Helping him up and supporting him over to the bath tub, she helped him ease his aching body into the warm comforting floods.
It made the exhausted man relax, made him sink into the depths, his head resting in his lover's palms.
Closing his burning eyes he let the water wash away his pain, let the warmth creep back into his dead bones and spasming muscles.
That last mako shot had knocked him out for good. There was no denying that. Still now that the pain was beginning to subside he finally felt a little of his strenght return, felt his cells freshly energized.
It was nothing like what it used to be. Still, it was improvement nonetheless. Was all he could have hoped for.
The truth was he could be thankful he wasn't death, had to be grateful to still be alive.
It had been a close call this time. Far too close. And without Lightning...
Who knew what would have happened...
'You're going to be alright.' the woman at his side promised as she combed his hair, leaned forward to kiss his cheek.
It made the silver haired man open his eyes.
'Light... I... This was the last shot I had, I don't know what will happen to me once I run out of it.'
He had said it very slowly. His voice had been uncharacteristically soft even for his new more sensitive self. Had been brittle almost.
It made Lightning look at him with big blue worried eyes.
'You're going to be alright.' she replied decisively, her stern expression not allowing any contradiction.
'We will manage. Somehow.' she promised as she stroked his cheek. 'We will find a way.'
It made Sephiroth's heart clench uncomfortably in his chest.
'Lightning, I might not be able to protect you. To protect the kids.' he whispered into the silence of the bathroom.
It made the pretty woman smile.
'You will not need to.' she assured him. 'I am strong enough for the both of us.'
It was true. She was skilled, was fierce, was indeed strong enough for the both of them. At least in an everyday setting.
Still, she didn't know about the reactor. Didn't know about a thing.
And he had no idea on how to tell her, on how to explain any of it really. Didn't even want to in the first place.
No. The truth was he wanted her far away, wanted her not even remotely close to anywhere even near the reactor.
No. Skilled as she was, he simply could not risk that, could not allow that, could not let harm come to her.
He had his suspiscions about what he would find in the reactor. And he wouldn't want her anywhere near if he turned out to be even remotely close to the truth.
He couldn't risk getting her entangled in any of this, couldn't risk her getting hurt or even captured, taken, he'd rather die then let her face such cruel fates.
And there was more...
She had so much on her pate already.
He had caused her so much trouble already
And he didn't want to upset her even more, didn't want her to get herself in danger. And the kids...
The kids...
Fuck. He had to end this soon. Whatever it was that was going on in those woods. He had to end it beforehe he would run out of mako entirely.
For Lightning. For his family.
They lay curled up in their bed about an hour later, their upper bodies touching, limbs entwined.
The soothing waters of the bath having brought some life back into his bones, Sephiroth was in a pair of fresh warm clothes, wrapped in his blanket and a pair of Lightning's arms, his face buried in her neck, her hair, he held on to his lover tightly.
'That was your last mako shot?' Lightning whispered into the darkness.
The man next to her gave a tiny nod.
Her question had come rather unexpectedly.
She hadn't mentioned the mako anymore the entire evening and somehow Sephiroth had hoped she'd let it drop.
'How long will it last.' Claire Farron asked with bated breath.
His face was still nestled against her neck and she had turned sideways so their cheeks could touch.
Sephiroth could feel the movement of her soft pink lips against his marble cheek.
'A hand full of weeks, a few months at tops.' he breathed against her neck, making her skin erupt in goosebumps and it wasn't from his breath alone.
'And then?' the woman asked somewhat carefully, hesitantly really.
There was silence for a bit.
'I don't know.' the silver haired first class finally confessed as slowly he pulled away to look at her.
'I really do not know.'
The incident from that friday night and how she had found her fiancée there, spread on the tiles of the bathroom floor, it haunted lightning for the next few days, those weeks, was with her wherever she went, would probably do for the rest of her entire life.
Never in her life had she been so scared, so scared to loose him, never had she seen the silver haired man so vulnerable.
He had almost died there. She was aware. Had almost died from a stupid little mako injection and she couldn't help but remember the look he'd given her when finally he had managed to look up at her.
It had been full of regret, of shame, of self hate.
None of it was his fault. Lightning was aware. All the mako addiction business. None of it. It was something common among members of SOLDIER, was just another way of Shin-Ra to control their pets, another shackle they had fastened to their souls.
And it didn't change a thing for her of course, made her love him even stronger, made him so much more loveable, more human.
Still it also scared her, scared her big style.
The last mako injection had stopped his mako cravings at least for now, or so he had told her, but it hadn't restored him to full strenght, hadn't returned all his usual powers, hadn't stopped the nightmares anymore, the horrible bouts of self hate he experienced every time he looked at his reflection in the mirror.
It made Lightning's heart reach ot to him, make him love him even more. And it wasn't only love either.
It had been seeing him vulnerable like this that had stirred something inside her. Something else entirely.
He needed her this time, he really did and she was only too grateful to be there for him, be there with him, sit with him and hold him and mutter soothing words. It was a whole different kind of bonding entirely. A different kind of intimacy. Different to any things they'd shared before.
This time she could be there for him. This time she could be strong, protect him, safe him. If only form himself.
'Are you okay?' she asked him somewhat carefully.
He was standing in the bathroom again. Staring at his reflection. Gritting his teeth, his knuckles white as if he was fighting hard not to smash them into it, not to loose control.
'How can you still love me?' the man at the sink said somewhat unexpectedly.
It made Lightning almost drop the freshly laundered towels she'd been about to put back in their place.
She quickly set them down on the vanity table instead, before she hurried over to him, made him look at her with a soft touch to his face.
'What are you talking about?!' she inquired immediately.
It made the silver haired first class emit a devastated sigh.
'Look at me.' he replied simply. As if it should be obvious.
'You deserve better.'
Lightning wrapped her arms around his back.
He was a shaking mess again. He'd been so more often recently.
'I don't care what I deserve. I want you. I chose you.' She whispered against his chest.
The man infront her only shook his head.
'Circumstances made you choose. Shin-Ra, Soldier, Jenova... The babies.' he rectified in a tired regretful voice.
It made Lightning pull away to look deep into his mako eyes.
It was true of course. In a way. The reasons she'd come together with him, the circumstances for the two of them to end up like this... A lot of things had been decided for her, had been thrust upon her without her ever asking.
Still...
In the end noone had forced her. In the end it had been her decision, her free will.
And there was more.
She was still there with him.
After all the things that happened, she had decied to remain with him.
'And I chose you still.' she told him truthfully. 'Everyday thereafter I kept choosing you. And I will choose you every day that will come.'
It made their gazes lock. Icy blue on mako green.
Made the pink haired woman get up on her tips toes to gently put her lips to his.
'We will manage. Whatever it is, we can do it.' she promised.
And in her heart she knew that it was true.
'Together.'