NOTES: Woof. This chapter felt like it took FOREVER to write :P The emails are difficult. Hope it'll be worth it tho!

Lizzy's POV, then switches to Darcy's. Pretty normal length. Both of them get pretty angry; I'll start to ease the mood a little away from that in their next emails ;)

Stay tuned y'all, and leave a lil love if you like it! ~Vinny

'Dear "Best" Man,

Believe me: there is not much on this earth that I would like to do LESS than spend any unnecessary time in contact with you. I would literally rather run barefoot through a field of legos. Or go through puberty again. Either would be preferable.

I completely understand that you have work, I do too. So that's not an excuse. Please stop using it as one.

I need your input because I have never met the groom, and have no idea what kind of party he'd like. You are (supposedly) his best friend, and so you should be able to help with that. We need to find a way to compromise between your ideas and mine.

Also, you CLEARLY have opinions on this. So just tell me them; I'll handle everything.

Let's just be adults about this. Okay?

Email me back soon.

~Maid of Honor'

That was what she had sent to him.

Lizzy was back at her desk after having eaten a small lunch alone (for some reason, Joey had been suddenly swamped with work) and feeling pugnacious. She was done playing games with this arrogant "Best Man." This was an important part of Jane and Charlie's wedding, and he needed to take it seriously.

She may have been a.. bit harsh, with her email, but she only felt slightly bad about it until saw his response.

Lizzy didn't want to admit herself how eager she was to open up her mailbox when she saw the notification.

'Dear Maid of Honor,

You say you want to handle this like adults, but to me, it seems you are the childish one in this situation. I am not using my work as an "excuse," as you so blithely put it. I personally own and operate a multimillion dollar company. I think it's safe to say I have a bit more on my plate than the average worker.

However, since it is for Charlie, I am willing to ignore the rudeness of your message and participate in the party-planning.

I can get the guest list from him, and send it to you. I'll tell you what he likes, what he doesn't, and then we can be on our merry way.

Sound good? Great.

Please run your ideas by me, and I can help filter through them.

~Best Man'

Oh this motherfucker.

Lizzy pinched her nose. JESUS CHRIST HE WAS ANNOYING. He was probably a business major, and wore a suit and tie when he was in high school. He probably played golf and ate "refined cuisine."

He probably listened to Classical music unironically.

BUT— it was fine. It was… whatever. Fine. She could do this.

Slowly, taking a few deep breaths, Lizzy calmed herself down enough to type her response, and hit send.

'Best Man,

That sounds perfectly reasonable.

My ideas so far were pretty minimal: a small party (probably from around 7 to 12, depending on how we feel), soft drinks and maybe a little alcohol (no open bar), and a dance floor for the guests with Jane's celebration playlist (Charlie can add songs too, if he wants).

I know the jazz restaurant I mentioned earlier is one of Jane's FAVORITE places, and she hasn't been in years, and regarding your previous comment she actually prefers mundane, cozy, quiet locations. It is a very nice restaurant, with a dance floor, and we can rent it easily for the night, at a very low cost.

Now, should we have a gifts or no gifts policy? And what attire should we recommend? Anything you think would help the atmosphere, or that Charlie would like?

Please run your answers by me, and I can help filter through the irrelevant ones. :)

~Maid of Honor'

That was the email that appeared in Fitzwilliam Darcy's inbox. That was the email he read through twice, trying to calm his breathing before he had a panic attack. Or punched a whole through his computer. Or both.

Dear God this woman was a party-person.

Just the first long paragraph ALONE gave Darcy anxiety. A party for FIVE HOURS?! Hell no! Also, ever since.. well… the gala, he had been uncomfortable around any kind of alcohol. He was taking a leave of absence from the bar. And a dance floor? Oh, sweet Jesus. That would really kill him.

And don't even get him STARTED on how many questions she asked towards the end. Darcy didn't like questions he was supposed to know the answers to, but didn't. They made him incredibly nervous.

After a few minutes of deliberation, he ended up replying in this way.

'Maid of Honor,

I have to say, those ideas sound far from minimal.

Also, my thoughts on your suggestions are: maybe trim the party down to 7:30 - 10:00, only have soft drinks (alcohol would make for too rowdy an atmosphere), and a dance floor is out of the question. Maybe we could have the playlist in the background though. As long as it's not too distracting.

I see that you feel strongly about the jazz restaurant. I agree with what you said; a lower cost would be nice.

I think people are already bringing gifts to the wedding, attire should be formal (of course— it's a special occasion), and Charlie has the soul of a Labrador Retriever. He would be happy with literally anything.

I hope my answers are to your satisfaction.

~Best Man.'

He didn't receive a reply until ten minutes passed by, with him staring with guilty anticipation for the next response. He was excited to get this over with.

The response was… not what he expected.

'Dear Best Man,

I just talked with my sister (the bride) and she told me that Charlie LOVES parties, and dancing, and wouldn't want people to feel pressured to wear formal attire. She also said that YOU hate long parties that go late into the night, YOU don't like dancing or loud music, and YOU like to wear formal attire.

This is not about your preferences. This is THEIR wedding.

Tell me what Charlie would want. It's not enough to say he's fine with whatever.

So, no, your answers aren't to my satisfaction. Do better.

~Maid of Honor'

Darcy forcefully pushed his chair back from his desk. He got up, and paced around, running his hands through his hair. He was so angry. His face was red. He was breathing hard.

He— Wh— How— How DARE she make it seem like he was making it all about him! He— He wasn't!

It was true, of course, that he didn't like parties, or dancing, or informal attire, but that— Charlie would be fine with that too! Sure, maybe the No Dancing thing was a little too far, but Darcy had persuaded his friend to make events shorter in the past! He was sometimes even glad of it; once, Charlie confessed he actually didn't like staying out late into the night, that he only did it because everyone else always seemed to want to!

This woman had no idea what she was talking about. Darcy WAS being considerate of Charlie's preferences. He just.. was also… taking his own into account. Was that such a crime?!

'Maid of Honor,' he typed out, pounding the keys with his fingertips, 'With all due respect, I've known Charlie Bingley a lot longer than most everyone. I think I know what he likes. Don't be so dramatic, please.

~Best Man'

This time, he received a reply within seconds.

'Best Man,

With all due respect, I don't believe you are due respect. Fuck you.

~Maid of Honor'

The only (only) reason Darcy didn't take his laptop and throw it out of his top floor window in a fit of rage… was that he had already gotten in trouble for damaging his tech this week.

So instead, he gently set down his laptop with shaking hands, got to his feet, gathered his things, and slammed the door on his way out.

He was certain, in that moment, that he would NEVER email that annoying, childish, presumptuous woman again.

At least, he was certain until Charlie called, later than night.

Then.. well… he was resigned to his fate.