Chapter 66: Operation Grinch

Meredith sat listlessly on the leather couch, her arms folded defensively, her body taut, her lips pressed into a thin line, and she stared. She waged a real battle of stares. She had to admit Dr. Wyatt was a pretty good starer, but so was she.

"You know, I get paid for that," Dr. Wyatt's amused voice broke the silence. "It's become a really comfortable job lately. I come here, sit back in this chair, relax in silence, and I get money for that. You, however, are wasting your time."

"I told you what was wrong," bit back Meredith. "Now, fix me."

"Why are you here?" asked Dr. Wyatt propping her head on her hand.

"So, you can fix me."

"Why are you here?" she repeated the question insistently.

Meredith let out an impatient huff. "I told you the first day what I'm here for. A week later, countless sessions later, and there's still no progress."

"Oh, you mean that little speech about me convincing you that breaking up with Derek wasn't the biggest mistake of your life?" asked the older woman. "That's a load of crap."

Meredith's mouth went slightly agape, she would never use that language in front of a patient.

"It is not," she denied, her tone considerably feebler than before.

"It is," nodded Dr. Wyatt.

"It is not."

"It is."

"It is not!" Meredith gritted every word, her temper rising again. "He's everywhere, in the parking lot, in the elevator, in the OR, in the cafeteria… He's everywhere and he doesn't let me breathe! I want to forget about him and stop thinking about him thrusting his tongue into my mouth every time I see him!" she yelled out, breathing heavily.

"Now, that's a start," Dr. Wyatt gave her an enthusiastic smile. "But it's still a load of crap."

"Wha-" Meredith shook her head.

"If you think you came here because you want to move on from Derek, to treat it like just any other misfortune in your life, you're making a mistake, or you're tricking yourself," said Dr. Wyatt seriously.

"How so?" frowned Meredith.

"That is for you to find out, only you can realize it. You won't be able to move on if you don't."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," exclaimed Meredith impatiently getting to her feet. "People break up all the time, they move on, they meet new people!"

"Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't."

"And I'm the one who doesn't?" she snorted.

"I didn't say that," answered gently Dr. Wyatt. "I said it's for you to find out. And that's why I'm giving you homework today."

"I'm sorry, what? Homework?" Meredith arched her eyebrows.

"Yes, before our next meeting, I want you to think what you feel for Derek. All that you feel for Derek," Dr. Wyatt repeated seeing her patient's urge to protest. "Think about it, one emotion doesn't exclude another. Two contradicting emotions don't exclude one another. Just think about it. And don't run away from him, don't avoid him. Confront him, see what you feel when you're close to him."

"I know what I feel," sighed Meredith with a pained expression. "Can't you just tell me why you think I'm making a mistake or lying to myself?"

"No," replied the psychiatrist blatantly. "But I can give you hints. You told me you didn't want to make up with Derek. That you would end up hurting him eventually and you were "a better woman" than that."

"That's right," nodded Meredith.

"Yet you're still in a surprising amount of pain."

"That's why I'm here," Meredith took up eagerly. "To alleviate it."

"No, you don't know why you're here. Once you tell me about moving on, then about alleviating the pain."

"Isn't it like… one and the same?" Meredith dropped back onto the coach.

"No, and you'll see that too when you come to accept certain truths. It's right in front of you, staring at your face. A lovesick teenager would pick it up in an instant."

"Well, I never was a lovesick teenager," shrugged Meredith. "All I ever was is an emotionally crippled person."

Dr. Wyatt cocked her head. "Why do you think so?"

"Because… because of my mother… Look, do we really have to talk about this? Can we concentrate on my former dirty affair? I know it's much juicier and more interesting to you."

"Oh, it is," agreed the older doctor. "Only it's not your only problem."

"Don't I know it," mumbled Meredith rubbing her temples. "I have mommy issues, daddy issues, step-mommy issues, half-"

"Okay, okay!" Dr. Wyatt raised her hands. "I got it; we'll take it one step at a time. Just one last question for today and we're finishing."

"Okay," Meredith sighed deeply. Today's torture was almost over.

"The holidays are coming next week, how are you going to spend them?"

Meredith simply stared at her.

"Do you enjoy holidays? Do you like Christmas?" probed Dr. Wyatt.

"Seriously? How old do you think I am?"

"I'm trying to establish that," joked Dr. Wyatt.

"Holidays are family events," said Meredith casting her eyes down. "I've never had a proper family, holidays are just… like any other day, except the increasing amount of incoming trauma."

"So, you don't celebrate them?"

"I didn't, till I met Addie. It's been the two of us since we became friends, sisters, but this year… I don't know. She has Mark."

"You don't like Mark? You don't want him to join you?"

"God, that's not the problem! I'm not that much of an egoistic bitch!" huffed Meredith. "Mark is Derek's best friend, his only family in Seattle for all I know! So, no, I have no idea how it will all turn out. I haven't given much thought to that. I'm busy, the ranking of teaching hospitals is coming out in less than a month!"

"Oh, how do you feel about that?" took up Dr. Wyatt. "Overstressed? Excited?"

"The Christmas question was supposed to be the last one for today," reminded Meredith tapping at her watch. "I have my hospital to attend to, there's only so much time I can secure for myself."

"And when you were with Derek, did you sacrifice so much of your time for work, as well?"

"I said the last question!" barked out Meredith irritably and sprang from the couch to the door.

An amused "See you tomorrow!" caught her at the door. Speaking of intensive care!

"There's something…" trailed off Derek shaking his head pensively over his unfinished cup of coffee. "She doesn't look good. Apart from being as glorious and beautiful as ever, she looks tired. What's going on? Addie?" he asked with concern, having studied carefully Meredith's form from their table as she was buying coffee at the cart. His eyes worshipped over her body but this time, he noticed with inquietude that she must have lost weight and she had barely visible rings under her eyes.

"I hardly see her at home," replied Addison seriously. "She practically lives at the hospital. I can only assume it's down to the rankings' time."

"You can only assume?" asked Derek, completely baffled.

"I think I was too harsh on her," she sighed. "Now, she doesn't tell me anything important. She disappears for hours daily, and I can't find her. I tried to set up O'Malley, but he didn't have a clue either."

"You don't think… she has someone?" he managed to utter; she was similarly sneaky at the beginning of their relationship. "That Dandridge guy? The vet?"

"I… don't think so, I haven't seen or heard about him."

"You heard about me when we were keeping our relationship low? No, I didn't think so," said Derek. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't pushed her. We'd be lying to everyone but at least we'd be together."

"You can't know that, man," spoke up Mark. "You don't even know why you're broken up- Shit, she's coming here," he hissed under his breath.

"She's what?" Derek's head whipped around. Indeed, Meredith was striding towards them purposefully, maneuvering between tables, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Good morning," she greeted them indifferently.

"You want to sit down?" asked Addison looking around for a free chair while Derek and Mark got to their feet.

"No," she said dryly. "Since O'Malley is thrashing around somewhere around with Torres, I'm figuring out the next week's schedule by myself."

As she informed Dr. Wyatt, she wasn't an egoistic bitch. Addie got her man, she should spend the holidays with him, and without towing her uncomfortably behind her. Mark and Derek came in a set, spending Christmas together for sure. Meredith didn't want to spoil it for them. Dr. Wyatt ordered her not to avoid Derek, so, here she was, talking to her friend in front of him. Probably not exactly what her shrink had in her mind, but she couldn't blame her for not trying, right?

"I've been meaning to ask you the exact same thing," said Addison, deciding not to mention the awkwardness that slipped into their lives lately. "We need to work around to get some free time together."

"Just think what works best for you," interrupted Meredith. "I'll be working."

"Oh, come on, Mer. It's not like we usually have Christmas parties," argued Addison. "I believe you'll find time for a toast at home."

"I might actually be staying at the Archfield for the next couple of days. I can't let anything slip through my fingers right now." It was some major avoiding but it would be better for all of them.

"You're kidding me, right?" Addison looked at her with wide eyes.

"You honestly want to spend Christmas at a hotel… Chief?" Mark added her title respectfully under her steely regard. "Even I don't do that."

"Well, I don't care what you do," bit back Meredith crossing her arms.

"We go to New York every other year, to see Derek's family, you know," Mark went on as though uninterrupted. "I have a deal with Dr. Peters, and we cover each other's shifts alternately. And Derek-"

"I can cover Dr. Shepherd's shift," offered Meredith quickly. "I'll be at the hospital anyway." Please, God, do me this favor, this… Christmas present and make Derek go away from Grace, let me live without him…

Apparently, she was a bad girl who didn't deserve any presents…

"No!" protested firmly Derek, daring to speak for the first time since she arrived. "We're not going to New York this year." He was not leaving Seattle alive if he could help it. He was sure Meredith didn't offer to follow his cases out of her generosity or the need to do something nice for him. She wanted to get rid of him. What for? He was even afraid to suspect the possible causes, but he wasn't going to play along. She was his, maybe against all odds, against her own will, but she was his, exclusively.

"Second time in a row…" sighed Mark.

"Do whatever you want!" snapped Meredith not bothering to look at Derek and made to walk away. "And talk with O'Malley."

"What… was that?" muttered Derek, watching her back disappear out of the canteen.

"Looked like running hot and cold around you," commented Mark with a shake of his head.

"You think?" asked Derek. He remembered Richard's words from the intern mixer: "She's hot and cold but the truth is she would never want to let you go."

"Is she really going to spend the holidays at the hotel?" Mark repeated his question. "That's just… wrong."

"If she said she would, wild horses won't stop her," Addison let out a tired sigh, rubbing her temples distractedly. "Can't believe she's going that far to avoid-"

"Me," Derek finished for her simply. "I don't want her to be alone at this time, she's always alone. Make her have dinner with you and Mark, I'll stay away."

"No freaking way," Mark disagreed firmly.

"She won't go for it, Derek," stated knowingly Addison. "She'll think we're setting her up. We'd have to kidnap her or something."

"Let's do that," smiled Derek.

"I was being ironic," Addison rolled her eyes.

"And I was being metaphorical," quipped Derek. "If Mohammed will not go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed."

"Whatever you have in mind, I don't like the sound of it already," frowned Mark eyeing his best friend suspiciously.

"Why don't we have Christmas dinner here, at Grace, instead of that fifteen-minute semi-formal gathering we endure every year. Let's be honest, there are a lot of lonely people here that don't have family to go back to."

"How do you want to pull this off exactly? Grey won't even hear about it. It would make her spend Christmas with you, and sorry, man, she doesn't look eager to do it."

"She doesn't have to know about it," shrugged Derek, self-satisfied with his own ingenuity.

"I think she has, Derek," nodded Addison. "Being the Chief and all that, remember?"

"We can work around her," argued Derek enthusiastically. "Oh, come on!"

Addison and Mark exchanged uneasy glances. They just couldn't say no to their friend. He was making… puppy eyes, he was actually making puppy eyes at them. Maybe it was time to shake the things up a bit. It was difficult for them to sit and watch Meredith and Derek in misery, it was difficult for them to be happy beside their friends. Maybe it was time for action.

"Okay!" Addison raised her hands in defeat.

"Let the Operation Grinch being," chuckled Mark.

With the energy of a man on mission, Derek crossed the corridor and located his target. If they wanted to make their plan work, they needed help. Managing to produce the most charming smile in the world, he stood gently behind Miranda Bailey. He didn't have to wait long for a reaction.

"You're sucking up my oxygen," she drawled.

"I'm just reading the OR board," he quipped.

She rolled her eyes and moved away to get herself busy with her occupations. Derek followed her at her heels.

"What? Am I a walking human OR board now?" she asked sarcastically.

"You know, I should have gotten used to that sparkling sense of humor of yours, but after all these years, it still comes a surprise," he cracked a joke.

"Oh, you want something, Shepherd!" she turned to him with a wry smile and poked him with her index finger. "What is it, that thing that you want? I'm all ears."

Derek halted before her with his mouth slightly open at her blatant question.

"I'm listening," she coaxed him. "I haven't got all day to lean around and look pretty."

"It's kind of a delicate matter," started Derek.

"I'm not getting involved if you injured your penis again," she said, deadpanned.

Derek shook his head disbelievingly. "Funny, you're a funny woman. And no, it's not about my penis."

"I'm waiting," she tapped her foot impatiently.

"So, we need a little support, a little back-up with organizing Christmas dinner, here, at Grace."

She arched one of her eyebrows, "Do I work in administration? Human resources? Entertainment business? I'm not the Chief, I'm not the Chief Deputy, I'm not even the chief resident any longer."

"That just might come in handy," assured Derek with a grin that would sweep any other woman off her feet. Not Miranda Bailey, though. "You see, it would be great if the Chief didn't hear about any of this. She's not a fan of holidays."

"Oh, it is about your penis after all."

"A… it is not!" he stuttered.

"Look me straight in the eye and tell me it doesn't have any covert reasons pertaining to Meredith Grey."

Derek sighed in defeat, hanging his head down and shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

"That's what I thought," Miranda nodded her head. "Haven't you done enough?"

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"What I mean is that she's been through enough with you," she remarked.

"Excuse me?" he snorted. "I didn't do anything."

"Didn't you? Is that why she's looked like a wounded animal for over a month now?"

"What?"

"You heard me, what did you do to her?" inquired Bailey.

"I didn't do anything," he repeated. "I left for work one morning, and in the evening, I learned that we were already history. I overanalyzed every second we spent together, and no, I don't see what I did."

His determination and his pain shining clearly in his eyes seemed to finally convince her.

"What is it about this Christmas dinner?" she acquiesced. "Talk fast."

"Look, Meredith normally spends the holidays with Addison but this year, Addison's with Mark, and she doesn't want to risk-"

"Being trapped with you," offered for him Bailey.

"Yeah," he confirmed dejectedly. "Even if we're not together, I don't want her to be alone on a day like this."

"And how do I come into the equation?" she inquired.

"Obviously, I won't be able to pull it off behind her back just with Mark and Addie. And you're… Dr. Bailey," he flashed her another dashing smile.

"Don't grit your teeth at me, it doesn't work on me."

"Doesn't work on anyone," he grumbled quietly.

"You're such an idiot," Miranda shook her head.

"Oh, thank you. Is it the Abuse-Shepherd Day or what?" he huffed.

"That girl loves you, it's clear as day," she blurted out.

"Is it really? Where should I have seen that? When she glowers at me? Or calls me names?" His heart beat faster suddenly in the desperate need to hear Bailey speak that Meredith loved him, to hear her give arguments to back it up.

"You know," said patiently the short woman. "At this hospital everyone looks at everyone, everyone watches everyone, and gossips, but hardly anyone really sees."

"What do you see, Dr. Bailey?" he asked her with hope rushing through him.

"That she's in love with your moussed-up head like crazy and the pain kills her every day all over again."

He was left temporarily speechless and he brought a hand to his face absent-mindedly trying to wrap his mind around it. Bailey was… Dr. Bailey. She saw things, she knew things. All his hopes relied now on what she knew.

"Then why-"

"Now, I'm not a seer!" ranted Bailey. "I've had to stick my nose into your dirty business too many times anyway. Do something right yourselves for a change."

"The dinner-"

"Derek, you really overestimate my abilities on this," she shook her head. "Of course, I can help. I can buy a Christmas pudding as I can't make one myself. Or… or I can bring decorations my son is doing in the kindergarten. But that's about it. You really want to do it; you have to talk to him." She pointed sideways with her head.

"O'Malley," he breathed out.

"Yes, O'Malley," she nodded energetically.

"I kind of… hoped we could do without him," he scrunched his face.

"Some say hope is the mother of fools. Let me get this straight, you cannot do it without the knowledge of both, the Chief and Deputy Chief. O'Malley is her eyes and ears. If you want to keep something quiet, he needs to keep it quiet."

"He hates me," Derek threw his hands down in frustration.

"Is this a high school?" she asked sarcastically.

"He hates me," he went on. "He has a crush on Meredith."

"He had a crush on her," corrected him Bailey. "He's over that. Now, he's just a loyal friend that cares for her."

"He's not going to listen to me," argued Derek looking at Miranda expectantly. "He thinks I hurt her."

"Fine," she sighed dramatically. "I'll talk to him. He will damn listen to his former boss."

"Thank you," smiled Derek.

"Don't thank me," she waved her dismissal. "But you owe me."

Several hours later when Derek was waiting for his elevator, the smile was still on his face. With a flawless skill, Miranda managed to pull George to the dark side, that had got him on the Operation Grinch.

The elevator arrived; the door opened. He smiled widely and shook his head with a chuckle. He was in sheer luck today. And he could tell that the lone passenger didn't share that perky opinion as she scowled at him, squinting her emerald eyes.

Indeed, right now, Meredith started to wonder if Derek Shepherd was stalking her. Only recently did she read in a newspaper about a woman stalked by some weirdo who followed her everywhere, rummaged through her trash and finally, broke into her house when she was out and stole her underwear. Her mind went slightly astray… Derek and her underwear… That was a good combination, especially if he was taking it off her. Wait! Did she just really think that? Hell, she had to be desperate. The sexual starvation was getting to her. Maybe she should invest into a vibrator? Nope, no artificial toy would ever make up for his… thing.

He was driving her crazy, he was invading all her senses and her mind. His scent wafted up to her nostrils as he slipped inside past her, the mixture of his cologne, antibacteriant and something inherently Derek's. Feigning hatred when in fact all she felt was all-consuming longing for him was hard, was exhausting, was soul-ripping. Her eyelids drooped a little and her head followed him like the needle of a magnet. She quickly shook her head out of the lusty trance and willed her eyes to look straight ahead, at the steel door. However, she couldn't help noticing his chirpy disposition.

Meredith was startled; he didn't look that optimistic in a long time. She cringed, she felt flutters in her stomach, and she had trouble swallowing just like when a plane was taking off. Did he already move on from her? Did he regain the peace of mind? Was there… someone new in his life? She tried to muster happiness for him. She gave up on him, she had no right going all gardener's dog on him. If only she knew for sure. The uncertainty was killing her.

"What are you so happy about?" she fired at him.

He was silent for a minute, probably surprised at her speaking to him unprompted, shocked was probably the better word.

"I'm… excited about Christmas," he answered lightly, cocking his head at her intently.

"Decided to go to New York after all?" she asked to cover her relief. Despite her best intentions, a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders. There was no one else for him.

"No. Decided to abandon that ridiculous idea to spend Christmas at a hotel?"

"No-" she bit her lip to stop herself. What was she doing having a conversation with him? Allowing him to use that flirty voice against her? "Why the hell are you asking?"

"Why are you?" he quipped.

"I'm your boss," she hissed. "You-"

"Don't finish, I know," he said smugly, "I work under you, or well, I used to."

"God, I wished you'd just go away somewhere!"

"Like where? We're in an elevator," he chuckled, pushing her buttons.

"Smartass," she mumbled under her breath.

"Are you talking about my ass?" he asked with mock astonishment.

She let out a deep frustrated sigh, feeling the temperature rise dangerously. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment; this elevator couldn't go any slower.

"Now, you're thinking about my ass…" he went on, his voice turning low and husky.

Great, he was talking dirty to her. So not fair.

Mercifully, they reached the ground floor and Meredith stumbled outside reclaiming her cool head somehow.

She turned back to him abruptly with the most furious expression she was able to put on and growled. "No, I'm not thinking about your ass! You have some problem with that part of your body, go to urologist!"

Damn, Derek watched her march away with a sigh. He thought he was getting somewhere in that elevator. His eyeballs got stuck at the level of her swaying hips. He was definitely thinking about her ass.