Chapter 67.
Dean was feeling pretty good. He had a generous fried breakfast on his own and then turned his attention to the others. Jack should be left for a while. He'd been up late and there was no good reason to disturb him early. He got everything almost ready for Sam and Cas and then banged on their door. "Wake up!" he said, "Breakfast in five!"
He heard Castiel say, "Five what?" but he was already heading back to the kitchen.
He was singing to himself as he served up their food and they walked in as he put the plates on the table.
"Hey Jude?" said Sam.
"I'm not allowed to sing, now?" said Dean.
"You're allowed. So, that was singing, was it?"
"For that, you forfeit this piece of bacon." said Dean, swiping it off the plate.
"Knock yourself out." said Sam.
Dean looked at Cas as he ate the purloined pork. "You okay, Cas?" he said.
"Yes." said Cas.
"A little lacking in detail, there." said Dean.
"You didn't ask for details."
"How was your night?"
Cas looked at Sam and then back at Dean. "Better than it would have been on my own. Sam was the guardian of my sanity."
Dean nodded. "Yeah, he's done that for me, many times. So, you slept? You had dreams?"
"Yes. Unsettling dreams."
"About Jules?"
"Jules was there."
"Okay." said Dean.
"The dreams shook him a little." said Sam, "He's not eager to talk about them."
"Oh. Sorry. Not trying to pry ... just ... "
"Yes." said Cas, "I understand."
"So, you didn't get a lot of rest? With the dreams and everything?"
"No." said Cas, "We spent most of the night talking about hunts you two went on with your father."
"Right." said Dean, with a worried glance at Sam.
"My grace replenished a little. The headache is gone."
"Good." said Dean.
Sam and Cas ate their food in silence for a while, then, apropos of nothing, Cas said, "Dean, would you say our relationship was complicated?"
"You and Jules?"
"You and me."
That felt like a dangerous question. Any question about their relationship felt dangerous. It was even more worrying that it had come out of nowhere.
"Why do you ask?" said Dean.
"Why don't you answer?" said Cas.
He almost said, "Because it's a dumb question." but that was not going to help. He gave himself a minute to think and then said, "It's not complicated, okay. Simplest thing in the world. I trust you, you ... kinda ... trust me. We're friends. We're brothers. I'd die for you."
"Please don't."
Dean smiled. "Wasn't planning on it, today." He sat at the table opposite Cas. "Does it feel complicated to you?"
"No. To me, it never has. Everything else is, but you and me and Sam, that's just how things are and how things should be."
That sounded a lot better. Dean relaxed a little. "So why did you need to ask?"
"Something Gabriel said in my dream."
"You had Jules in your head and ended up dreaming of Gabriel?"
"I don't control my dreams." said Cas.
"No, I know. You should have had one of us in there with you. What did Gabriel say?"
"A lot."
"Yeah, sounds like him."
"I prefer not to talk about it." said Cas.
That seemed to be his attitude to everything. Dean tried not to take it personally, but it felt pretty personal.
"Why isn't Jack eating with us?" said Sam.
"He was reading late into the night. I figure it's best to let him sleep now. I'm a little worried about him."
"Why?" said Cas, suddenly a lot more awake and eager to talk.
"The stuff he was reading. Heavy philosophical stuff about Heaven, Hell and Purgatory."
"He's probably trying to make sense of his recent experiences." said Sam, "It's how he processes things."
"Yeah, but it ... It's hard to explain. He said it was all theoretical, but he was talking about how it all works together and whether parts could be removed without harm to the universe."
"Which parts?" said Cas, looking seriously concerned.
"I don't know. He mentioned Purgatory."
"You're worried he'll close down your favourite vacation spot?" said Sam.
"No. Well, yes, a little. I don't like Purgatory, but it has its uses and so does Hell. The point is, we have an enthusiastic nephilim who may just be starting to pull the universe apart to see what happens."
"Jack's not stupid." said Sam, "He wouldn't do anything without considering all the risks. And if he says it's just theoretical, he probably means it. He's not a natural liar."
"I have no doubt about the kid's intentions, but the best of intentions can lead to the worst of outcomes and if we all fall into a black hole because he tweaked something he didn't ought to tweak ... "
"He's not tweaking anything for now." said Sam, "But you're right, we should probably talk to him about it."
"I got him to promise not to do anything without discussing it with us." said Dean.
"I should talk to him." said Cas. He looked worried still and Dean felt bad for giving him more problems to deal with. On the other hand, Jack would listen to Cas and maybe talking the kid out of any crazy experiments would make Cas feel better about himself.
"Good idea." said Dean, "You and Jack have that special bond. I bet he'll listen to you."
That seemed to be the right thing to say. Cas seemed happier and Dean felt Jack would listen. He knew Dean was no expert on cosmic consequences, just their target, but Cas had a lot of experience, theoretical and practical.
"I think that's the best way to handle it." said Sam, "I think Jack's just been through a lot and needs to work it out for himself, but he'll listen to Cas. He always does."
Cas finished his breakfast and said, "I should take a shower. I feel grimy and sweaty and ... for want of a better word, human."
"We love you too, Cas." said Dean, "We stinky, grimy humans will try not to be too offended."
"It's different for you." said Cas, "A certain level of grime and sweat is natural to you. The faint aroma of unwashed flesh is a part of your normal ambience. It's even a part of your charm. Jules smells wonderful ... "
"Yeah, okay, okay. Shower! And make it a cold one."
"Ignore him." said Sam, "He thinks he's funny."
Cas headed for the door.
"Cas," said Dean and as the angel turned to look at him, he said, "Hot shower, as long as you like. Sam's shampoo is behind the stack of towels in the closet."
"Hey!" said Sam.
"And it's not complicated." said Dean, "It's not. You're my best friend. You always will be. The things I say ... I say as bad to Sam and you know how I feel about him. I'm sorry if I made you doubt ... I'm sorry for all the thoughtless things I say."
"You have nothing to be sorry for." said Cas.
"Well, I am anyway. I could be a much better friend."
"It was just a dumb dream." said Cas.
"Yeah, I know. And what does Gabriel know?"
"Gabriel knows nothing." said Cas.
"Right. Enjoy your shower." When Cas had gone, he said to Sam, "Not asking for a word for word recital, but how bad was he last night?"
"Hard to say." said Sam, "It was a bad night, but he seemed a little less shut down. Still won't discuss what happened with Jules, but he was able to tell me more of what he was feeling about it."
"And this dream about Gabriel?"
"He didn't even tell me it involved Gabriel. It upset him. Didn't want to discuss it at all."
"Do you understand this stuff about our complicated relationship?"
"I've only heard what you have. But I don't think you should take it too personally. The thing with Jules has made all relationships seem complicated to him."
"He didn't ask about yours." said Dean.
"I'm not the one he cares about."
"Oh, come on, we're the same to him."
"Of course we're not."
"I need to know what Gabriel said to him." said Dean.
"Gabriel didn't say anything. It was Cas's subconscious."
"Whatever you choose to call it, it said something that freaked him out."
"The way he is right now, 'Hello.' can do that."
"So you're not worried?"
"I'm very worried, but we have to wait until he's ready to tell us. If we force him into a corner, I think we'll be sorry."
"I hope Jules comes here today. If anyone can get through to him, it's her." said Dean.
"How was your night, by the way?" said Sam, "You seemed pretty cheerful this morning."
"I talked to Mom."
"Did you tell her about Cas's grace?"
"No, seemed best not to,. She's worried enough about his split with Jules. I just called her and ... and it was pretty good and I got more sleep than i expected to."
"That's good." said Sam.
"How about you? Doesn't sound like you got a lot."
"An hour, maybe two. Which is plenty for me."
"Yeah, right."