The vacation came to an end all too soon. I finished my course of antibiotics which fully cleared my UTI. I spent the last few days of the new year playing with Guthrie and reading and hanging out with Splotch. Crane went back to college and left a whole in the family again. But the beginning of the new semester was a welcome distraction and we settled back into our familiar daily routine.

On the first day back at school I was delighted, because Olivia was back in, at the normal time. She seemed alright again and neither of us mentioned the shooting. She was full of compliments for my new backpack and the pens which I had been given for Christmas. Guthrie was delighted, albeit a bit shocked because, sitting in his usual seat, was Michael.

I did a double take when I saw him in the playground, playing soccer with Guthrie and the other boys. I was standing with Olivia of course and she had to call my name a couple of times to get my attention.

"Heidi! Are you listening?" she said.

"What?" I said, focusing back on Olivia, "Oh yea, sure I am."

She followed where my eyeline had previously been.

"What you looking at?"

"Nothing," I said quickly.

Because Olivia hadn't been at school, she didn't know about the whole Michael and Guthrie cheating fiasco, and what had happened afterwards. And even though she was my best friend, there was something inside me which told me that I shouldn't tell her. That it wouldn't be right to divulge Michael's home life to her.

"What were you saying again?"

"That my mom said I can have horse riding lessons. Remember you said that Brian could teach me?"

"Yea! And then you can stay for supper after your lesson. I'll ask him when we get home," I said, immediately becoming excited at the prospect of getting to spend more time with Olivia. These things are incredibly thrilling when you're 8.

I kept a covert eye on Michael all day. He seemed to be okay. He got on with his work and he appeared to be physically healthy but Adam had told us that he and his mom were in a women's refuge so they could be safe from his father. So why was he back here?

I was dying to know what the deal was and so, the first moment I had alone with Guthrie, which turned out to be on our walk home from the bus stop after school, I said, "Tell me everything, Guth."

"About what?" Guthrie said, shifting his backpack to a more comfortable position.

"About Michael dummy! What he is doing here? How come he's back? Is his mom okay? Is he okay?"

"Uh… I dunno!" Guthrie said. There was a small stone lying in the path right in front of us and Guthrie kicked it out the way, sending it flying.

"What? Didn't you ask him? I said, incredulously.

"No…"

"Did you talk to him at all?!"

"Sure! But mostly we played soccer."

"Tell me your conversation," I demanded.

"I said, "You're back" and then he said, "Yea" and then I said, "Cool," and then I asked him if he was mad at me, and then he said "No, it's okay," so then we played soccer."

"Guthrie!" I exclaimed. "How could you not ask where him and his mom have been and why they're back and if they're okay?"

Guthrie shrugged.

"He didn't mention it. And, I dunno… I felt weird asking about it."

"You cheated for him. You got into trouble for him. Don't you want to know what's happening?"

"Sure, I do, but I figure he'll tell me when he's ready," Guthrie said.

I stared at Guthrie. His behavior was incredibly un-Guthrie like. Usually I'm the tactful one and Guthrie says whatever's on his mind.

"What?" he said. He sounded irritated.

"I cannot believe you didn't ask him."

"You ask him then if you want to know so badly," Guthrie said.

A whistle coming from behind us had us both turning around. Ford and Evan were in the distance, not too far off.

"Hurry up!" Evan yelled, beckoning to us with his arm.

"Why?" I yelled back, irritated.

"Coz of the dentist," Evan called back.

I groaned. I had forgotten that Adam had told me and Guthrie to get home quick sharp today because the two of had our yearly check up appointments. He must have told Evan to make sure we didn't tarry on our way home if he saw us. Maybe that was why Guthrie was in such a bad mood.

"Urgh. The dentist," I said, glumly. "What a way to end a day."

/

Adam said hi to Evan and Ford and then hustled Guthrie and me into the truck before we'd even made it fully up the driveway.

"I thought I told you to come home sharp today," he said, looking exasperated. He clearly wasn't in the best of moods either.

"Forgot," I said, hugging my backpack on my lap. I didn't want to put it down on the floor where it could get dirty.

"I don't know why we have to go to the stupid dentist anyway," Guthrie grumbled, kicking his backpack sitting at his feet.

Adam glanced at him, his eyebrows raised. I could tell he was surprised. Neither of us liked the dentist, but it wasn't like Guthrie to be in such a mood about it.

"How was school today?" he asked us.

"Good!" I said enthusiastically, "Olivia's back now and she said her mom said she can have horse riding lessons with Brian. Isn't that cool?"

"It is," Adam agreed.

"I'm gonna talk to Brian the minute we get home," I said.

"What about you, Guth?" Adam said, glancing at Guthrie again.

"Was fine," Guthrie said, shrugging his shoulders, and looking out the window on his side.

"Michael's back," I said conversationally. I knew I should let Guthrie tell Adam since Michael was his friend and all, but I sensed he wouldn't, and I wanted to get Adam's take on the whole thing. And, I felt like needling someone though I couldn't tell you why.

I felt Guthrie next to me stiffen.

"He is?" Adam said, raising his eyebrows. I could tell he was really surprised.

"Yep," I said. But Guthrie didn't ask him how come or if his mom and him are okay. They just played soccer together. Don't you think he should have asked, Adam?"

I felt a kick in my shin.

"Ow!" I said and kicked Guthrie back.

"Cut it out!" Adam said firmly to us both.

"He started it," I muttered.

"It's not okay for Guth to kick you, but you started it by needlin' him about his friend," Adam said, sternly, glancing at me.

"I wasn't needling him!" I protested, feeling wounded, even though what Adam said was true.

Another stern glance.

"You were and you know it."

"I just wanna know what he's doing back here, and if him and his mom are okay!" I said, defending myself. "Don't you think it's weird? Especially since you said they were at a shelter."

"It's certainly surprising," Adam admitted. He glanced over at Guthrie again who was still sitting stiffly staring out the window. "But it's not up to Guthrie to find out what's going on. Sounds like Guth did the right thing by just bein' his friend.

I felt Guthrie relax ever so slightly beside me.

"Yea but-"

"If Michael wants to talk to Guth, then he will. And if Guthrie wants to talk to me later, on our own, then we can do that too," Adam said.

I could hear his admonishment for me in his tone. He thought I was being a busy body.

"I was just trying to help," I said, crossing my arms over my backpack, feeling put out.

"Mmm," Adam said. It seemed like he had nothing left to say on the matter.

/

I had zero cavities, but Guthrie had two. Mr Casey, who had been our dentist my whole life also told me that I was doing a great job brushing my teeth, but that Guthrie could do a little better. He looked at Guthrie, but also at Adam when he said it, and Adam nodded and said he'd supervise more closely. Those two facts combined didn't do much to help Guthrie's bad mood.

It wasn't helped by Adam's announcement at supper that we were going to lower our sugar intake.

"We gotta be healthier around here; we're cannin' the sugary drinks and introducin' some more fruit around here," he decreed.

Predictably, his decree was met with a vehement protestations from all of us. Even Brian looked horrified.

"My teeth were fine, why do I have to suffer!" I protested even though I did actually like fruit.

"And I only had two cavities the last time I went to the dentist," Evan said.

"That's two too many," Adam said. "If you have two cavities every time you go to the dentist you'll have enough metal in your mouth to set off detectors by the time you're an adult."

"Every funny," Evan said, looking not the slightest bit amused.

'I'm not tryin' to be'. Mom would go nuts if she knew the state of some of your teeth," Adam said.

That us all up. Any time Adam or Brian brought up our parents, it tended to shut down the conversation. You can't argue with someone who's not there.

/

I knew Guthrie was mad at me because the moment we had arrived home, he'd disappeared without telling me where he was going. He barely spoke to me over supper and afterwards he went outside even though it was homework hour. I felt bad for what I had said earlier. If I was truthful with myself, I knew it would upset him, or at the very least annoy him. I don't know why I do these things; I still do it to this day. It's not nice and I know it but I do it anyway.

I wasn't on dish duty so I planned to go to the barn and find Guthrie to square things, but Adam and Brian had other plans. They were on dish duty and said they wanted to talk to me about making the final decision on whether I would continue with the class before they did the dishes.

I groaned.

"Can't we talk about this another time?" I asked, slumping forward dramatically at the table.

"The deadline for the semester signup is tomorrow," Brian said. He was leaning, arms crossed, against the sink opposite to where I was sitting.

"I don't know whether I want to continue," I whined.

Brian raised his eyebrows, I knew because I was whining which he hates but I didn't care because I was tired and I felt caught off guard.

"You liked the class though, right?" Adam said.

"Yea…"

"So why don't you want to continue?"

I shrugged.

"I dunno."

And that was the truth. I did like the class; it was interesting. But it was also on my Saturday. We'd been here before. But I knew my brothers wanted me to go and that would be the path of least resistance.

"Look, I'll just go," I said, sitting back in my chair and crossing my arms. And then I said with attitude, "Can I go now?"

"Not yet," Adam said.

"But I told you I'd go, so what else is there to say?" I whined again. Out of nowhere I felt on the verge of tears and I didn't know where they were coming from.

Brian looked seriously irritated.

"Heidi, I swear-," he began, but Adam held up his hand as though to stop him.

He regarded me evenly for a moment from where he was standing, near the stove.

"What's the matter?" he said quietly.

"I want to go outside!" I said.

"It's homework time," he reminded me.

"But Guthrie's gone outside!"

"That's because he and I are going to spend some time together now."

"But you just said it's homework time!" I protested.

"For you, it is."

"Adam, that's not fair!" I said loudly, gesticulating wildly with my arms in protest.

"Well, that's the way it is," Adam said calmly.

I opened my mouth to protest but his eyes met mine and I saw a steely resolve there. I knew if I continued arguing, I wouldn't like the consequences. I closed my mouth and sat back in my chair, suddenly exhausted. I didn't even feel like going outside now anyway. I didn't feel much like doing anything!

Adam told me to go and get my homework. He called the others to the table to start theirs too and then he and Brian started the dishes.

I sat back in my chair at the table with my homework in front of me, trying to hold back tears and wondering how the evening had suddenly turned sour. I suddenly missed Uncle Pete so much that it hurt, a real pang in my chest.

I tried to hold my tears in because I didn't want to cry at the table with the boys there; that would be embarrassing. But it was hard and I ended up snivelling and a few tears rolled on to the paper in front of me. Ford and Evan were too busy arguing about something to do with homework to pay me any attention, but Daniel sitting beside me put a hand on my arm.

"You okay?" he said quietly.

I nodded without looking at him.

"What's up?"

I shrugged.

"Just one of those days, huh?"

"Yea," I said.

/

Guthrie and Adam were outside together for a long time. Long enough that he was going to have to stay up a bit later to finish his homework. Brian told me to go on upstairs and get ready for bed and I did without arguing. I was reading my book in bed a short while later when Brian came into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of my bed.

I eyed him warily, sure I was going to get a lecture or a telling off for my behavior earlier than evening. But all he said was, "Ready for bed?"

I nodded.

"Want me to read to you?" he asked.

"Yes please," I said quietly.

Brian read me a few pages from the book I was reading and I just lay and listened. When he'd finished, he closed the book. He looked down at me.

"Ready to sleep?"

"I think so," I said, even though I planned to stay awake for when Guthrie came to bed.

I knew Brian would lean over to turn off my night light, but before he could, I said, "Bri?"

"What?"

"Olivia's back at school now and her mom said she could have horse riding lessons…"

"Is that so?" Brian said.

"Yeah… and I wondered if she could have them here, with you, like we talked about before, remember?"

"I remember," Brian said.

"So… can she?"

"Tell her mother to call here," Brian said, by way of answer.

I smiled.

"Thanks, Bri

I should have felt ecstatic that Brian had said yes, especially after he'd not been particularly pleased with me earlier in the evening. And I'd get to spend more time with Olivia! But for some reason I didn't. I still felt like I wanted to cry.

Apologies for the long time I didn't update. I've been dealing with some personal issues.