Hello, here a new mini emison story, inspired by the song Arcade - Duncan Laurence. Like always, hope you like it and any comment and review is welcome :D ! See U soon!
CH 01 - Loving you is a losing game
A broken heart is not the only thing left when Emily filed the divorce. Mistrust, frustration, anger… a turmoil of emotions is what came with the divorce. Alison didn't fight it. It was her pride? Her lack of connection to her own emotions? Or, it's because she saw no point in fighting for Emily? Whatever was the reason, she signed the papers and each one of them lived separate lives since then.
Everyone could categorize their divorce as an amicable one, but that doesn't mean they stood as friends after it. Alison opted to cut the brunette out of her life for good and the mermaid made no effort to change her mind. And, while the brunette had her mother and closer friends, to cope, Alison found herself more alone than ever. No family, no close friend to lean on. And, maybe that's what tore Alison apart even more.
Co-parenting for years with nothing more than light conversation and total lack of knowledge of their private lives is how they have been functioning till now, till the day a global crisis shook their worlds, forcing them to once again do what they never thought would ever happen: live together under the same roof.
"Alison. Are you sure about this?"
"Am I sure that I want to go back to Rosewood to take care of my Ex who has COVID?! No, of course not! But, Pam is old and she cannot afford to get in contact with Emily right now. She could die…"
And, it's true, this is a mortal virus which has already taken so many lives. Pam's life shouldn't be added to that list of losses. That's why she's packing her things and booking a flight back to Rosewood. But, before going back to a town which has brought her more sorrow than happiness, she needed this, she needed to vent with the only person she has in her corner, her therapist.
"Alison, we've made so much progress. I'm confident you'll get through this but…"
"But, we're talking about Emily. And, that is…. is so messed up..."
Alison doesn't dare to say another word. Emily has and will always be a sensitive subject for her. She hates how the brunette has so much power over her even after the divorce. It's been years since then and she's still here, sitting on the sofa of her therapist, talking about her. What is wrong with her? When she became this pathetic?
In front of the entire world she might appear like the perfect Queen Bee who's now the head of one of the most prominent schools in the country, but she's far to be on her top game. Because yes, who better than her to rule Beacon Heights? After dealing with the professor and all the drama which came with it, the Hotchkiss saw no better solution than leaning on Alison to restore the reputation of the school. And, she did it, she brought the school to its glorious days again.
A flawless reign is what she has in Beacon Heights but regardless of how impeccable, her life might appear in the public eye, Alison is far from being fine. Years of therapy and she's still far to heal all the wounds she has in her soul after the horrors suffered with -A, AD and of course Emily. Because yes, Emily enters too in the same category than -A & AD's trauma.
The brunette might not look like a villain, but she's, in Alison' story. Promises of infinite love and devotion becoming dust the moment life got hard. The blonde knows Emily is not the only one to blame for the fallout of their marriage. But, she's sure Emily didn't act as the knight in shining armour she vowed to be. She didn't rescue the Queen Bee from her own insecurities, she didn't protect Alison as the killer she was in high school and that hurts one thousand times more than all the bad things -A or AD could have ever done to the blonde.
So, why? Why is she leaving her perfect kingdom to go back to the only girl who has broken her heart?
"Alison, you could always opt for other options, you know?"
"What other options? The family I don't have? The brother who is so far away, so busy in his life that he never calls not even for Xmas? Or what about the friends who went radio silence with me the moment I signed the papers of the divorce? Please, there's no other option…"
"You might not consider them as your friends anymore, but they're Emily's friends, she probably has people who can help her, she has…"
"She has people around her contrary, to me! And yet, somehow, I'm the one Pam calls for help?!" (sighs) "I don't know if her mother called the others before me. I don't know if I was the last option for them, but, I already said yes, so, there's no turning back…"
The blonde deeply exhales, rubbing her front-head, lost in her thoughts, lost in her turmoil of emotions, she frowns, annoyed by her own decision making, she has no idea why she agreed on this, and worse than that, she has no clue what will come from this, it's impossible for her to forecast the outcomes of her stay in Rosewood and, it's so damn annoying. Alison hasn't been this upset since the day Emily remarried one year after their divorce. She got so mad that day, Mona was sure she could have killed someone, and she almost did because while Emily was rebuilding her life with another woman, Alison was in a race against the clock to catch the professor, the killer of one of her students in Beacon Heights and the responsible for so many sick games.
The blonde channelled her emotions on this hunt, and, when she finally was able to lay her hands on such a psychopath, she snapped and almost killed the poor man with her own hands. If it wasn't for the cops and Mona, she would have added the word 'killer' to her big list of regrets. And, that was the wake-up call the blonde needed to understand that she needed to rebuild her life too, just like Emily.
That's how this dynamic started. Alison got the little push she needed to realize she needed to work on herself and now she cannot understand why she was so against it in the first place. Facing her demons, her past and make the best of it. It's not easy, but, it's a work in progress.
Alison's therapist is witness to how much progress the blonde has done to deal with her emotions. The inner struggle Alison has, is far from finishing, but she's working on it, they are working on it so one day, Alison can wake up and be at peace with who she was and who she has become.
Let go of all the anger, all the sorrow and all the negative feelings which have haunted her over the years, it is not easy, especially for this Queen Bee. Opening up, let people in, it has never been simple for Alison. But, she will not deny that having someone to talk to, having a safe place to yell, to cry, to snap, it's important and more than that, it's something needed. And, that's why, even if she will be km away, she needs to continue with her therapy.
"I would like to keep having my sessions, I need to keep our sessions for the well-being of my sanity"
"Of course, Alison. Therapy at distance is not a problem for me. We can arrange that. My worries are that I don't want you to shut down the moment you put a foot in Rosewood"
"What do you mean?"
"Rosewood, Emily. They are forbidden subjects for you. If you don't bring them up; I'm never able to dig into what they make you feel. So, I need you to promise me that you'll not keep me out of whatever you'll be feeling back there…"
Alison deeply sighs
"Alison?"
"I'll try…" (sighs) "It will not be easy, but, I'll try…"
"I know it is hard for you to talk about your feelings. But, you shouldn't shut down your emotions, especially not now you've the opportunity to get closure"
"Closure? I got closure when Emily divorced me and she got married again without hesitation…"
"Alison, you might be legally detached to Emily, but, emotionally, you're not and you need closure for it…"
"I've zero emotions towards her…"
"That's not true and you know it. Otherwise, why would you agree to help her in times of need?"
The blonde angrily pouts, she hates when she's the one not making sense, but she refuses to admit that Emily still holds one part of her soul. Because, c'mon?! The brunette divorced her and remarried a year later, just to divorce again and a few years remarry again and again. The brunette has changed of wife at the same pace Alison changes her wardrobe, too many times to care. So, no, Alison shouldn't care for the brunette or have any emotional attachment. She refuses it! And, that's why she only says...
"I don't need closure from Emily, I just need her to get better so I can go back to my life as soon as possible…"
The therapist sighs, Alison might not see it, but, there are wounds to heal, conversations to finish between the two of them. And, maybe she's too blind to see it, but the therapist really hopes Alison will use this opportunity to finally make peace with the past and be able to really move forwards.
They continue with their session and the blonde feels less nervous about her flight and what will come after that. Who knows what will happen, all Alison knows, it's that loving Emily was a losing game and she's far from feeling happy about this. She's not the only one having the same feeling, as in Rosewood, a very sick brunette is feeling worse than ever when her daughters gave her the big news.
"Non! I'm calling your mother, Alison, I…"
Emily tries to leave the bed, but she's too weak to even move a finger. Lily & Grace have 12 now, they can handle themselves but, they cannot take care of a sick Emily, they are just kids! And, grandma Pam, she's too precious and vulnerable to be exposed to what their mom caught. So, no matter how much Emily wants to fight it, the decision has been made for her and Alison is coming regardless of how that makes her feel.
"Mom is coming! Deal with it!"
Lily says with the bossy tone she got from Alison and Emily just rolls her eyes because she's too weak to stop what is already in motion. The girls leave her alone, they just put her medicine beside her and from now on, Emily has to wait for the arrival of the last person she was expecting to see in these difficult times. From all the people she was expecting any help, Alison wasn't one of them. Yes, Alison is a good mother with the twins, but she's far to be the perfect EX-wife. Always moody, always acting bitchy to whatever or whoever Emily brings to the table. Deep down, she wonders if this hostile tension between the two of them is not the reason why her other marriages never worked out. Because, yeah, the mermaid tried her luck in marriage more than once.
Her 1st marriage with Alison didn't work well. The fights, the mistrust, the blonde's temper, their messy past. Everything went down pretty fast and before thinking it twice, she filed the papers for the divorce, it broke her, but not enough to not try it again. Maybe that's why when Paige came back into the picture, Emily rushed to marry her too. But, as predicted, rushing things is never the answer, and, two years later, they were going in separate ways too.
The 3rd try came a few years later. She felt more mature, more centred, more ready to be a wife. And, she couldn't be more wrong, her 3rd marriage was nothing more than a fake fantasy she created in her head. Emily finally realized it when the confinement started and found out that the only thing that kept her marriage afloat was the separete lives they had between them.
Her last wife was a salesperson for a pharmaceutical company, that's how she met her in the first place, during one swimming competition where she was trying to sell Emily a new ointment for athletes. Emily bought it, all the samples, but, mostly because she wanted the phone number of the other woman. And, she got it. One date became two, then 3… and before knowing it, she was proposing! Again! It was insane! But, it was a done deal and this time, Emily was sure she was making the right call. How wrong, she was...
The marriage was nothing more than two people, having sex and sharing the minimum time along till the confinement, till the day when her wife, sorry, her Ex-wife had no more business travels and no other option than stay at home and do nothing more than spend time with Emiy and the twins. Something that the sales woman couldn't bear for too long. The lack of travels, of adventure outside their marriage, the idea of spending all her days at home with Emily, it became unbearable for the other woman and that's why, once again, Emily is finding herself alone with her two girls.
"Not even because you got sick, she had the decency to stick around and help? What a bitch!"
"Mom!"
"I'm sorry, Emy, but, seriously, I never liked that girl and now, even less…"
Emily chuckles, surprised by her mother's language. It feels good to hear Pam's voice, even if it's just to hear how much she hated her Ex. But, this is not the reason why Emily called her.
"Mom, I know you never liked my soon Ex-wife, but, really? From all my Exes, you had to ask Alison for help?"
Emily rubs her head, trying to make sense of this. She can understand why Lily & Grace would look for Alison's help, but, Pam? Her own mother? From all Exes, Emily knows Alison is Pam's favorite, she wants to think it's because she's the mother of the twins, but, deep down she knows it is more than that. Pam became a mother figure for Alison all along the pregnancy and the after the birth. A connexion was created between the two of them, a connexion that is still strong even if Emily divorced the other girl, a long time ago. And, maybe that connexion is what led Pam to look for Alison but that doesn't make it okay for Emily.
Since the divorce, they have become complete strangers from one to other. They barely make eye contact on the video calls and they strictly just communicate when it's about the girls. So, how in the name of God, did Pam Fields though that bringing Alison to town was a good idea?!
"Mom, I know you're worried about me, but, I don't need Alison here…"
"Emy, you're sick, but not sick enough to be in the hospital. And, you might not know this but, right now, we're in the middle of a pandemic! There's not enough medical resources to take care of everyone and I…"
"And, you need to stay away from me because really, mom. I don't want to transmit you this virus…"
She has already lost Wayne, her father. She cannot lose Pam too.
"I know sweetie. I know. That's why, I asked for help…"
"But, why Alison? Why not Hanna or Spencer, or…" (sighs) "From all the people in this world, why Alison…?"
"Because she's the only one who agreed to help"
Emily wants to understand why this is happening. Why any one of those she calls 'friends' are not able to help her. But, even if she finds a reasonable explanation to why fate is playing games with her, especially now she feels like shit, well, it's too late to do something about it because Alison is arriving right now.
"Mommy!"
The twins were already waiting for her outside the house and the moment the blonde gets out of the car, they jump into her arms, giving her a very warm welcome. It makes Alison smile, but that smile doesn't last too long since once glance towards the house, is enough to blurry Alison's momentary happiness.
The house where she grew up, the house with so many memories, bad & good. Alison is having a hard time to put a foot inside that house with so much history for her. It's her daughters who drag her into the home, and, it's their happy faces for having her here, what gives Alison the strength to not walk away. The happiness of the girls, it might be the only good thing Alison will get from this.
They have a perfect calendar to balance, the distance and the time they spend together. But, regardless of how perfect her arrangement with Emily might appear, Alison's heart always suffers when she's not with the twins. Maybe the extra time she will get now she's in Rosewood will be enough to go through this. Because coming back to the house she called home once, coming back to the town which hated her so much. Coming back, to the rescue of the brunette who once held all her hopes and dreams, it's nothing more than a losing game for her, a losing game which starts today.