He does not really know where he's going. He just wants to get away from everyone for a little while…maybe forever. He cannot breathe and he suddenly yearns for fresh air but Thirteen is underground. Going out is not possible. He craves alcohol more than ever.
You fucking left her there! You fucking left her…did you have fun, huh? Do you have any idea what they did to her? What they're going to do to her now that we're not there anymore to shield her?
Johanna's voice echoed in his brain. The girl was never fond of Effie since day one but she was ready to rip his throat out earlier without any second thought. He left her there. He should have been there during the rescue. He should be the one leading it or at least the one to organize it but no, he's too busy agonizing inside a cube being drained from alcohol.
Effie was in prison. She was hurt, still hurting. He has no idea what happens to her now. They broke the Victors out of the cell and that will not sit well with Snow. Effie was left there and she will surely take the fall for what happened. They will rip her to shreds. What they're going to do to her now that we're not there anymore to shield her? That part hits him so hard. Effie is alone in there right now and in pain. He couldn't even bring himself to imagine it because it's unfathomable. Effie is made to be vibrant, to bring colors into the room. She's not made for pain, for loss, for suffering.
"Heard Mason tried to murder you", Chaff said when he found him.
He sighed in frustration. He really wants to be alone right now.
"I am trying not to murder anyone so run along", he snapped.
As always, Chaff did not listen and sat next to him.
"You did not know. Hell, I did not know and neither does Katniss. Your Mockingjay was at a loss while you were in rehab. She's worried sick about Peeta and Coin and Plutarch hammering her to do propos doesn't help. She does not listen to us and we don't know how to talk to her either. That's your forte, you and Trinket. When they asked her who she wanted to be rescued, her only response were the Victors. She did not know. It was not your fault or the girl's", Chaff explained.
He knows that. His not that stupid not to think of that but it does not mean he's not crossed with…well, with everyone. Most importantly, he's crossed with himself because he knows he could have done something.
"…not according to Johanna. You know what she said? I left her there. She said that I have no idea what they did to her in prison and what they will do to her now that she and Peeta were no longer there to shield her. She told me Effie was right there with her when they got rescued. That was so close, Chaff. She was right fucking there!" he exclaimed.
He is shaking pretty badly. The doctor advised him to get food in his stomach so he can take his meds but did not have the chance to do so since he wanted to see Effie so badly. Now, he lost his appetite in about everything.
"She's alive. That's what's important. That's your takeaway from this, Haymitch. Alive is better than dead", Chaff said firmly.
"Yeah, for how long? Do you think Coin will send a rescue them for an escort?" Haymitch asked.
Coin didn't even want to include her on his list in the first place. He bet she's happy that Katniss failed to include her in her list.
"Trinket is resilient. She will make it through. You have to have faith in her because she has faith in you. Now, we need to win this goddamn war so we can get to her fast. It's the only way. We end this and we get her back. Give up now and you will let her down", his friend answered.
His words made sense to him. The sooner they end the war, the sooner he will be able to go to her and get her out of there.
So, he kept his focus on planning the attacks on the Capitol. He spent most of his time inside the Command Center with Plutarch and Coin strategizing. With every propaganda of Snow, they matched him with propos of Katniss. He's no Effie when it comes to PR but he had listened to her doing it for years. He did his best and he knows Katniss knew he's trying. He remained distant from the girl though. He's not angry with her…just sad and he does not want to say something that he will regret later.
Problems started raining down on them. They got bombed. Peeta tried to kill Katniss just like what Johanna predicted but it has nothing to do with Effie being left behind. It's more to do with his brain being hi-jacked by the Capitol. Katniss went out to shoot propos and a hospital ended up being bombed which killed tons of people inside.
'You can torture us and bomb and burn our districts to the ground, but do you see that? Fire is catching! And if we burn, you burn with us!'
Haymitch felt every word of that. He's ready to bring the whole world down with him as well. To hell with Coin's plan of outsmarting Snow. She's no different than him. He felt it the moment they met. She's just the same as him. They're bringing down a tyrant only to replace him with another. No more sitting on the sidelines. It's time to set the whole nation ablaze.
His proposal to take the Career districts with them sparked a full-length argument. They argued that Career districts are allied with Snow but nothing is ever black and white. He saw that during the night of the interview when all tributes from all the districts held hands in solidarity. There's no boundaries, no classes, no who's ally with whom. They're united.
"Victors United", he muttered out loud.
All Victors present in the room looked at him in understanding. The others might be confused with what he said but the rest of the Victors understood what he was trying to say.
"I'll go, and after we take the Career districts, we march to the Capitol", Katniss announced.
"Katniss, it's not—"
"Count me in. You know I don't like being missing in action", Finnick said.
Boggs is on edge.
"Right…I am itching to get my hands dirty anyway", Chaff muttered.
The two friends smiled at each other.
"If you think you're leaving me out with this one, don't. I've been longing to swing my axe on Snow's guts", Johanna said from the door.
She's still wearing her hospital gown but she would rather walk around naked anyway so it's never an issue with her.
"Get in line, Jo", Katniss spat and the Seven's Victor smirked.
"Ms. Mason, you're in no condition to fight", Coin cut in.
Johanna only raised a brow at her in challenge. Even when the girl is drunk, she remains as deadly as ever so underestimating her is a grave mistake. She already proven that once before.
"I'm in too", everyone turned to Enobaria, shocked at her declaration, "My district is done being Snow's puppet. They will respond better to Katniss if I'm with you", she expressed.
With her initiative, taking the Career districts became somewhat feasible. Enobaria was not wrong. To have a Career Victor with them, it says a lot about the rebellion. People of Two will think about their position in the war and if Enobaria is to be believed, Two might have oppressed for way too long as well.
"You stay with Beetee and keep an eye out on us, yeah?" Chaff said once they're out of the room.
"What the hell are you talking about? I am not staying here. I am coming with you", Haymitch said.
"Don't be stupid, man",
"I am not! I suggested the whole thing because I want to go. I don't care anymore, Chaff. I want her back and in order for me to do that is for us to get this revolution going faster. I am coming whether you like it or not", he insisted and left his before Chaff can make any arguments.
When Haymitch went to his assigned quarter, Johanna is already waiting for him there. She's properly dressed now so that's something because he's in no mood seeing her walking around with her bare ass.
"If you're here to kill me, save it for later, when all of this shit is done", he grumbled and removed his jacket.
The girl did not make any movements. She's studying him.
"You're sober…for real", she noticed.
"…told you, they shipped me to rehab when I got here. Made me go cold turkey", he reminded her.
Perhaps, she was not listening at the time because she was preoccupied with killing him.
"So, you're ready to play knight and shining armor now? A bit late, don't you think? Don't think I didn't know why you suggested that plan back there", she taunted.
She always has a thing with getting into people's nerves. He's not sure if it's a hobby or a default.
"I would have went back to the Capitol if I have known she did not make it the hovercraft. I wouldn't have let anything happen to her if I have known…" he trailed and composed himself.
He really thought she made it to her apartment. He thought she would have been safe.
"Glad to know you got your priorities straight", she snapped.
Haymitch glared at her.
"Priorities? Oh yeah, I got my priorities straight just right that day. I put the fucking rebellion first! Katniss moved way too soon and we were forced to act right away. I could have brought Effie to her apartment myself, made sure she's getting in that hovercraft but I did not. I just told her to get there as fast as she could and I went to hop to another hovercraft to come for you", his hands are shaking and the girl was staring at it, "I chose to come after all of you first rather than securing her safety because the children always come first. It's what Effie used to say. I am sorry I was not able to get you out of there with the others and I am sorry you got tortured and you got hurt but don't you ever accusing me of disregarding you and Peeta because I chose all of you over Effie when it's not even my fucking obligation to do so!"
He just couldn't stop himself. He's been keeping it all inside since he found out Effie did not make it to Thirteen. He was holding it all back because he doesn't want to break, not when she's out there alone. It's not fair.
"I already lost everyone…and I've been dead for years until…I can't go through that again. I can't lose her. She can't die because I fucking love her", he chuckled, "She did not even know! She told me she loves me right before I left. I tried to tell her but I couldn't bring myself to say the words because I didn't want it to be a goodbye and she stopped me and said I can say it to her later", he carelessly rubbed his hands over his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from coming out but it's hopeless, "I want to be able to say it, Jo, and I want her to hear it. I will die if I loses her. It will kill me", he poured it all out.
Johanna remained silent all along and just listened. She watched as Haymitch sat on the floor and sobbed. She never understood his relationship with Effie before. She was disgusted by it to be honest but being with the escort in a cell for god knows how long, she started to get it. Effie turns out to be the opposite of her views of her. She's not shallow, cruel, and evil like the other Capitols she'd known. She's human and has a big heart. She got balls too which Johanna admires very much. How many times did Effie protected Annie from the Peacekeepers? How many times she did that for Peeta? For her? She's in pain and she would still make the effort to ask them first if they're alright. She did her best wiping the blood from their skins and she always, always will try to cheer them up even though talking hurts her torso most of the time.
"She's something…Trinket. The first day she was thrown in the cell with us, she's dehydrated and starved. She was kept for questioning for days, she thought, and they did not let her eat or drink anything. I said things about you leaving her behind and she said, it's not your fault and that you will get us out. She said, Haymitch will get you out. She did not include herself because she was not thinking about herself. When the Peacekeepers came in and made her choose which one between me and Peeta they'll hurt first, she refused to choose. They tried to hurt Cresta and she shielded her", she scoffed, "Can you believe that? Her first day in prison, she already acted like a hero",
Haymitch smiled at that.
"You know Trinket likes her spotlight very much", he joked.
Johanna chuckled and nodded.
"No shit…" the amusement died in the room, "I still want to swing my axe on Snow but that's not the only reason why I want to go. I want to get her out of there too and I don't care how many I have to kill. We're not losing Trinket too", she said.
Haymitch stared at her before nodding, "We'll get her back".