Mariana was lucky if she got one or two hours of sleep. Her body felt like it was weighed down by lead as she pulled herself out of bed. She quickly turned off the alarm and peeked over to make sure Eddie was still asleep before she went to go change. The boys wouldn't be up for another hour so she just wrote a note and left it on her pillow for Eddie to see in the morning and headed out.
The key to Valentina's house burned a hole in her pocket. Tyler had given it to her when he informed her that Valentina had put the house in her possession. Mariana honestly thought it was a cruel joke because now she had to stand in the last place she wanted to be.
The door swung open to reveal the ghost of her memories. This was the second time she had stepped into it in a decade and it never got easier. Her steps faltered at the edge of the stairs and Mariana stared up at the balcony that overlooked the foyer.
Diego's room could wait.
She started in the office. Her hope was to sell most items or donate them if she knew places that needed it. Setting up her laptop on the desk, Mariana started cataloguing books and posting them on sales websites. She fell into a good rhythm and was halfway through one of the bookshelves when a knock on the door knocked her out of her thoughts. The book in her hand slipped out and crashed against the table, causing Mariana to jump back and curl in on herself, instinctively raising her arm over her face.
"Fuck," she muttered once she caught her breath. Whoever it was knocked again and she straightened herself up, heading for the door. Eddie looked up from his phone when the door opened and she paused, surprised by his appearance.
"Oh. Hi. Are you… shouldn't you be with the boys?" she stammered out.
"Buck's with them." He stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets and rocked back on his heels, "Can I come in?"
"Of course." She held the door open and he stepped inside, taking off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack as she shut the door.
"I don't...why are you here?" she asked quietly.
"Tyler called me because you weren't picking up your phone. Again. Daniel has called off the retrial and his lawyer has agreed to not pursue anything further."
Mariana couldn't stop the pleased smile from tugging at her lips. "Good. That's really good."
"What did you do? Did you give him something? Money?"
Mariana started walking towards the kitchen and he followed as she spoke. "Do you want anything to drink? I think Valentina has some coffee and I don't know if you got some already bu-"
"Stop deflecting. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I am in this 100% but I just need you to talk to me."
Mariana stopped, her eyes scanning the kitchen before she entered. He could see how her eyes darted back and forth, how her shoulders tensed, and how she flinched when a lawn mower started somewhere up the street. She pressed on, however, and continued into the kitchen.
"Did you sleep at all last night?"
"Of course!" Her attempt at a perky voice fell flat and she sighed, grabbing the edge of the kitchen sink. "If you're here to yell at me again, now really isn't the best time. I'm sorry for what I said. I hate myself for even thinking it."
"If you want me to leave, just tell me."
"Please." The word fell from her lips like a prayer uttered by a desperate woman. "Don't."
"Then talk to me. I wasn't the best husband for Shannon because when she asked for help, I didn't listen. And I can't fix those mistakes but I can try to not make them with you. But I don't know what to do or say if you don't speak to me."
"What do you want me to say?" she finally whispered. "I'm sorry for not telling you, but I'm not sorry for doing what I thought was right to protect my family. I won't apologize for that."
"I don't expect you to. All I'm asking for is communication and honesty. That's all."
She pressed the back of her hand to her trembling mouth and shook her head. "I don't get it. I don't understand you. You should be mad right now. You should be yelling. What's wrong with you?"
"You went and saw him, didn't you?"
Mariana ignored him and grabbed a glass from the cabinet before she started to fill it up from the tap.
"I'm not going to get mad, Mariana."
The glass slipped out of her hand and hit the sink, shattering into shards. Eddie quickly turned off the faucet and grabbed Mariana's hands, gently moving her aside so he could clean it up. She had gone completely pale, her eyes transfixed on the glass shards covering the counter and sink.
"I've got it," she blurted out. "Let me handle this."
"You don't have to," he reminded her. "It's just glass. I don't want you to cut yourself."
"But it's my mess. I made it. And you're supposed to be angry. Why aren't you angry?"
He slowly stepped towards her and she pressed herself against the fridge, drawing in on herself. Some kind of wild look took over her face and she wrapped her arms around her middle before she changed her mind and ran her hands through her hair, tugging at the roots.
"I'm not angry, Mari. It's just a glass," he said calmly.
"C'mon! Get mad!" Her voice bordered on hysterical. "I fucked up! I lied to you. I hid stuff from you. I-I messed up, I hurt you. Get mad! What are you waiting for? Hit me!"
She pushed against his shoulders and Eddie took that as his chance to wrap his arms around her to stop her. The final tether snapped and her knees gave out just as the first sob ripped through her body. Eddie gently lowered her to the ground as she ground her fingers into his back, desperate for stability. A gasping, guttural sob tore from her lungs as he carded his fingers through her hair.
"I can't fucking go upstairs," she wept. "I can't go upstairs. I can't...I-I can't."
"Okay. That's okay," he assured her. "You're going to be fine."
Her body shook with the force of her grief and he pressed his forehead against hers. "Just let it out. I'm not leaving. We'll just stay right here."
"I remember sitting at that table," she whispered hoarsely. "And begging the universe for Daniel to die. How unfair it was that every good thing in my life was ripped away but he stayed. Why? Why now?"
Hot tears stained his shirt but he didn't care. She needed him and he would stay in this cramped position forever if it meant that she would be okay.
"And I felt so guilty and scared as if they could read my mind. As if me wanting him to drop dead would get me in trouble. So I never said it out loud and now...now he's dying and all I feel is relief."
He tightened his hold on her as she clung to him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"He has liver failure," she whispered. "I saw him at the hospital and Leslie emailed me his file. He wanted to get out of prison so he didn't die there. And now he's going to die there and I can't go upstairs."
They sat in silence for at least ten minutes until her weeping lessened to sniffles. He pushed her hair back from her face and cradled her face in his hands. "I'm not mad. I wish you had told me all of this sooner so I could have helped you. You don't have to do this alone. You know that, right?"
"You might have to remind me a few times," she admitted weakly. He smiled at her and brushed the tears off of her cheeks.
"I know you regret saying it, but I need you to understand that I will never, ever hurt you. Hell, Mari, even thinking about it makes me sick."
"I know. I'm sorry. This house just...anger meant punishment. Punishment meant pain."
He stroked his thumb along her skin and tilted her face up so he could see her dark eyes. "Not anymore. When we're angry, we talk about it."
Mariana nodded, her lips tugging up just slightly. "Why do you stay, Eddie? I'm a mess."
"So am I. Let's be messy together."
That elicited a laugh from her and she rested her cheek against his shoulder. "Thank you."
"How about we go get some coffee and breakfast and then come back and work a little more, okay? Then I want you to schedule an appointment with Dr. Allen. One day at a time."
/
The next day, they loaded the boys into Eddie's truck and headed back to continue working on the house. Eddie and Diego were going to work upstairs while Christopher would help Mariana with organizing more books. The little family was an hour into work when the doorbell rang.
Mariana opened the door to find Buck, Chimney, and Maddie standing there with a box of trash bags and a few boxes. The latina narrowed her eyes at her best friends and was about to say something when Eddie bounded downstairs and welcomed them in. He kept the door open so Hen and Karen could enter with Denny and Nia.
Mariana sent her boyfriend a confused look but he merely shrugged it off and led their friends into the house, pointing out things that needed to be boxed up for donations, what needed to be thrown out, and what they were going to try and sell. She just watched them with a dumbfounded expression on her face.
"I brought some help," Athena announced from behind her. Mariana spun around to find all the Grants beaming at her. Mariana sniffled as tears welled in her eyes and she gently pulled Athena into a hug. Hen and Karen headed upstairs to work with May and Maddie as Chimney, Bobby, and Michael worked downstairs. Buck and Eddie went to go work on the garage and do the heavy lifting and the kids played in the living room.
Mariana looked up at the balcony that had haunted her memories since she was sixteen and then at her family around her, filling this home with love and laughter, just to help her. Eddie found her standing there when he went on the hunt for some trash bags.
"You don't have to do this alone," he reminded her again, pulling her into his side. Mariana leaned up to capture his lips in a sweet kiss before she looked back at their family.
"I love you," she breathed. "Thank you."