Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part LXIX…
The mid-North coal fields…
Early am…
(Though not nearly so early as I got up…Middlefinger sneers at mirror in tent palace as he works the magic of his morning grooming. With a bit of assist from attendants…
Hey, this pointy villain's beard and this killer hair doesn't fix itself…
Really? Verysmuch shrugs from his office. No special someone to keep you lingering just a bit? Sad, bro conspirator. Shakes head.
Now me? Got up at a reasonable hour, did my stretches, and discussed the morning uncensored news to music over a leisurely breakfast with said special someone, sent them off to their day knowing they're "special", now here reviewing my secret reports…
No one being that "special"…Though…Shrug…In a way it shows how much I care, making sure they see and hear nothing I'd have to have them killed over.
What? Belloq blinks…Abigail his favorite hair groomer/a capable prostitute/actress, pausing, startled as well…
These interior monologues are not easily to keep up with…
What…You have a "certain someone", Verysmuch?
Bro…Verysmuch nods to us with smile. I'm a eunich…Not dead…
Well…Strike me down with a feather…Petyr stares.
Do I know…Whomever?
Dear boy…Verysmuch smiles…If you knew them, they could never be "special" to me.
Abigail tearing up a bit to side…
Gee…I was kinda thinking…Glance Belloqward.
I mean we all know the thing with Ophelia Arryn's just convenience and villainy…)
The Addams tent…
Despite the exalted rank of the owner, not nearly so imposing as Belloq's tent palace…
"Oh, Gomez…" Morticia's low growl as she stretched on the cushions…
"Oh…Tish…" Gomez… "Over here, dearest." He noted from his portable tent desk where he been busy for an hour…She rolling over to view him from the bed.
"What a night, caramia…What passion…What borderline and transgressing the borders of most states' kinkiness…"
"Gomez…" Nervous glance our way…
"Ah, yes…" sigh… "The Fourth Wall…Sorry, dearest. Still, I'm proud to note my wife is a passionate creature. It's as if all the Frump crazy went to your…"
"Gomez!"
"Sorry, sorry…But it did, didn't it?" wolfish grin.
"Probably…" Morticia, smiling back, leaning head on cushions his way. "But now it's time you admitted to me the true purpose of coming out here into these rather lovely, dark, if messy, fields. Minus most of the protection of the capital…" shrewd look.
"Well…Important survey work and events at the Wall require my attention…" tapping various scrolls, folios, and wax tablets.
"Gomez…" another shrewd look. "Clearly you are attempting to draw the Kingdom's enemies out, putting your life at risk." Rising on cushions to stare at him sternly, seated.
Ah, that black nightie…With the alluring contrast of one of my wedding presents…The white fur Mama took off Feringold Targaryen at the Quadrant…
Indeed, the hairiest of the Targaryen clan… Made a beautiful warm shawl…
"And doing useful government work…" smile, shrug… "As a public-spirited citizen, I love when a government official does a two-fer. Like Rob wiping out the mad King and his family, sparing the need for a formal impeachment and a number of pensions, while establishing his own stable government. Or when Tywin Lannister rained out Lord Castamere for his own needs but then raised enough tax and plunder revenue out of destroying Castamere to pay off the last war."
"I suppose…" she rose, ringing bell for an attendant. "But tell me the truth…You are trying to draw the Menace out, aren't you?"
"Well…I never could put anything past you, Cara. I felt it the best chance, with my security here at the weakest. Of course, I'm determined to keep you from any danger though I did think it might lure our enemy into a false sense of suicidal security to have you with me. They'll assume I'd never seek them with you about."
"I'm glad of that at least…That you brought me I mean." She beamed. "It makes me feel like your true partner…My day gown, Latrice…" she addressed attendant, who opened a closet full of the exact same black gowns, pulling one out.
"No, the less cheerful one with the dead flowers…Yes…" Morticia beamed. "Thank you, dear…That will be all…And if you are working for our enemy, rest easy that we won't have to torture or kill you, having so little chance to learn anything."
Latrice, naturally an agent of Belloq, blinking…Bowing her way out the door…
"Nice girl…Wise of you to take for granted anyone from Kings Landing not in our service previously…Or bearing a bloody grudge, likely owing to Mama if one of ours…Is a spy."
Shrug by Morticia…Of course…
Screams from outside…One clearly Latrice's…Brief tap at tent flap…
"Ah, Ser Tom…" Gomez nodded to Joad Tom who offered several blood-covered parchment sheets. Gomez waving to have them set on a stool.
"Guess Latrice was a spy, eh?" he sighed to Ser Joad who nodded. "That other sounded male, her contact?"
"Afraid so, my Lord. Sorry to disturb you and my Lady so early. I usually manage this without the screams." Rueful wince. "Though actually they were all his, she died without a word after I caught her passing the documents."
"Neither lived to talk? Poison again, I suppose, given your famed ability to maim without killing?" Gomez eyed Ser Joad who nodded.
"Same as that that took off Lord Bings from the description you gave us, my Lord." He shook head. "DOHG…Dead on hitting ground, not a chance for her. However, the other she made sure of herself before I could stop her. Sorry, Lord Addams."
"Whomever this is, they've a devoted following…" Gomez sighed. "Well, send in…Cara?" he turned.
"Beatrice…She's one of our own…" Morticia noted. "Thank you, Ser Joad…And please see Latrice's family gets her back wages, things, and either the corpse or ashes, whatever you feel is safest."
"I'd recommend ashes unless you wish to take the family out, ma'am." Ser Joad noted. "That poison is very effective. And we've taken a blood sample for you, my Lord." Gomez nodding.
"Ashes it is…The same for her unfortunate gentleman caller if you can learn anything about him." Morticia sighed.
"More than he deserves, ma'am…" Ser Joad bowed, turning to head out.
"Pity…She was a nice girl." Gomez noted to Morticia, careful look…
"Gomez…?" smile.
"Those were Mama's old battle plans from the last two wars…Cara?" he nodded at the blood-soaked sheets.
"And I've kept all my notes locked up…You set a trap for her…" he eyed her.
"Well, she did seem a bit too eager…And rather chatty, if sweet." Shrug. "And I did catch her going through your desk, though she claimed to be looking for your quill sharpener. I hoped we might have some information from her. I am sorry she ended like this. But, as Petyr Belloq's playwright would say… 'Little or Big…You play the Game of Thrones you die or kill, kill, kill…'" sigh.
"Truer words never written. That ole friend of yours and Cat Stark's really is a genius if he truly is the secret author of his plays. Well, you dearest most certainly are my partner…And of course, since nothing stirs the libedo more than shared danger…We'll risk all, together." Gomez smiled. "After all, we have always shared the danger so long as the children are relatively safe."
"So, we have…" Morticia beamed. Picturing various scenes…The two of them hiding in ditches during several battles as their forces regrouped, Gomez rallying the fleeing to an insane charge that stunned an enemy sure of victory, as she raced alongside him, bearing the Addams banner…And after, whilst a number of rampaging soldiers of their own army, Rob Barftheron in lead and utterly mad with bloodlust and some grief for his lost Cecily, stormed across the fields, killing anything they encountered. Another battlefield the two carefully dodging a mad with blood and other lusts, Lady Maud, charging alone, cleaving anything in her way, Gomez finally managing to stop her from killing their own men. Out in a wild storm on the Swampflood heath, she holding his lightning storage jar as he sent a parchment kite into the heart of the storm. The two of them running from his first successful experiment in firepowder as it exploded, taking out his laboratory cavern… The two attending another of Ser Walter Freyyed's weddings…Where food poisoning, ruled not deliberate, just moldy, rotted food, later, took out a quarter of the guests.
"And with Wednesday in the capital under the capable guard of the greatest male Knight in the Kingdom, Jamie Lannister, plus all the King's Guard and the City Guard and the Schools Guard and the Artisans' Guard and the Merchants' Guard and the Teachers' Guard…I do believe we have too many Guards, let me make a note of that…" he reached for quill. "Ah, thanks, Thing…" As Thing's hand emerged from box on desk and offered quill.
"And more important…" smile… "The loving care and guard of her intended, Ser Lotus, the number two male Knight in the Kingdom…Though I have heard that love of our Wednesday has been causing him to up his abilities still further...Jamie ought to watch his back. While Pugsley is even safer under the care of the greatest of the great, Mama…And her Addams Guard, now truly a terrifying force under her tutelage. Plus Lurch, of course…We can rest fairly easy as parents in a violent and murderous pseudo-medieval era."
"Indeed, they probably couldn't be safer. A great relief to me if we should die in this escapade." Morticia sighed.
"We won't die, Tish…And even if we did, I've been having some experiments conducted at the Citadel…Can't go into details but I fear the poor Menace may be wasting his or her time on us." Smile.
"Interesting…But Gomez, what about the secret enemy? Can you be sure he or she will strike here or at the Wall?"
"It's my belief, based on a mix of careful deliberation and my usual wild speculation, that they will." Nod. "Much of this seems to be connected to the discovery of Coal…" he indicated a tapestry map of the Coal fields hung on the wall of the tent near their bed. "The most serious events only transpired in the last year…There's a reason and I suspect it has to do with the mysterious effort to secure rights to all the land found to be rich in Coal so far."
"Then it's hardly just a military action, the usual simple brutal overthrow ploy?" she eyed him.
"Oh, no…Whoever this fellow is he or she is planning for the future. And I have been checking in Essos and expect to hear shortly that similar efforts to secure potential coal fields are underway there as well."
"So clever…As always…" Morticia beamed, stroking his chin.
"But if the Menace is mainly interested in economics and controlling the means of production…" she pondered.
"Well, it's a means…Pardon the pun, Cara…To an end…Whoever this is wants to fundamentally reshape economic power in the Kingdom and the World…They're surely interested in political power as well…They'd require it, even if it wasn't their original goal. Though I suspect it always has been."
(You are correct, Lord Hand Addams… Middlefinger sneered, reading a surveillance report.
Heh…When will people learn in our pseudo medieval era where manpower is required for most activity, that our halls, our conference rooms, our bedrooms, our dining rooms, our foyers, are filled with spies…Spies everywhere…
Though I reserve my study for complete privacy…
Economic and political power…Imperial power…Is my Goal…Hah, ha, ha…Wait?
He knows I mean to have him eliminated? Here or at the Wall? Damn…
Well, he's a shrewd sob and I suppose most shrewd types with any sense would suspect that…
Just gotta make sure he's not better protected than I imagine and that I won't be implicated.
Of course he did ask me to come, not Verysmuch?…Which I took as a compliment and a nice appreciation of my other careers in the Arts. Has he perhaps already decided that I am the most likely Secret Enemy, Phantom Menace, etc, etc…
That would flattering in a way, but geesh I did think we had a friendship budding here…
Or, did he bring me to likewise be a target? Perhaps he plans to confide in me, later, now we're here.
That'd be nice…I mean I'd then be doubly betraying him but…It would be such a nice show of confidence.
"My Lord…" a nervous voice at his tent door…
Always these interruptions have to come just when I'm getting into my monologue stride…
"Yes, Henderson?" he waved the nervous attendant in…
"Word from…?" he eyed the man…
Uh, oh…
"Latrice?" he stared.
"Braver than Lord Jar-Jar, my Lord." Solemn nod. "Though Simon? Squealed like a pig and almost managed to spit out his phony poison-filled tooth. Fortunately, Latrice took him out with his own sword before Ser Joad could stop her."
"Now, now…" Belloq frowned. "We can't all be heroes…Speaking of which…" he gulped.
"No, my Lord. Neither betrayed you." As Middlefinger looked anxiously to the rear door of the tent palace for possible quick escape…)
"But…Bubela…" Morticia eyed Gomez who flared up at the word…
"Darling…Duty…Kingdom and Life at stake…" she cautioned at his reddening, passionate stare.
"Ah, yes…Duty." Sigh. "You were saying?"
"How do you plan to handle the situation? As to exposing yourself …And me…" Cause no way am I not being exposed, darling, stern look. "To the enemy's assassins?"
"Nothing like a long survey and summary done with few guards in a desolate, empty landscape somewhat forbidding to human existence…Dangerous as well as Romantic…" smile.
"Yes…" Morticia, coyly… "But, Gomez?" she stared. "Are you talking about here, the Wall, or our home?"
…
The Redder Keep…
Somewhat Larger Council…With King Rob and Queen Cersei in attendance to discuss a new and troubling matter…Following much due applause for the Queen's efforts in weapons production, Robert and Tyrion leading to Cersei's delighted blushing…
Aww…Guys…
(With me away?…Middlefinger in his tent palace office in the middle North frowns…
What can I say, bro? Verysmuch shrugged in his chair near the King. You gotta stick to the seat of the action…)
"So, it's true, Your Highness?" Acting Hand Tyrion shook head. "Your brother Rently actually got married?"
Chortles repressed about table…Robert finally joining in, then at last Cersei…
Ok…Robert waved hands, cutting off laugher. "First, there's nothing wrong if Rently had chosen a different sort of lifestyle, by my previous law, as all of you know. Lets be clear on that." Finger raised. "Second, this is a serious challenge…Allying Houses Markwell and Boleyn to him. No offense intended, Maced." Glance down table to a somewhat embarrassed Maced Markwell. "I have faith in you and your House as loyal allies to House Barftheron. But I do have me doubts about that creepy Thomas Boleyn."
"Indeed, my brother-in-law is a creepy one, my liege. But you have my word as your loyal subject and temporary Minister of the Coin as well as regular Trade Minister, that our House stands with you." Lord Maced noted solemnly. "But though Tom is a devious little prick of a fellow, I doubt he'd dare try this alliance on his own initiative…And I know for a fact by ravenpost my mother insists she is not involved nor does she approve this move, honored as we are by Prince Rently choosing my niece, of course."
"I can't believe Rently would challenge you outright…" Tyrion noted.
"I doubt it…" Robert nodded. "But the warmaking potential Rently could now raise…" pausing as Cersei smiles, trying to repress.
"Ok…Lets make it quick. And remember I do love Rently." Robert noted. Laughter about table, Robert joining in.
"Fine…But, lets take this seriously…" waving hand… "He's a capable administrator in the little I've given him to do over the years…And he is a chess grandmaster." Robert noted. "Perhaps not a Barftheron for field command, but he knows how to organize a war machine and you can always hire good generals. Or, he could turn to Stanislaw who is first-rate in the field, next to me."
And a few others…Jamie frowned as he stood by in his duty armor…
Well, ok. There's a reason I've never been entrusted with a full army after that first time…But I can hire a guy or girl to do all that complicated logistics stuff or bring Tyrion along to help. And I did tell the guys to bring some food and water… And I'm sure I said to bring candles, tents, and the stuff for the catapults…
Not to mention…Maps and all that…
"Stanislaw would never take a subordinate position to Rently…" Cersei shook head. "And I can't believe Rently means anything but to position himself securely in the new order of things with Joff out and our sweet Tommie in…" she beamed at Tommen, now attending his first meeting of any of the Councils, Large, Somewhat Larger, or Small… Hey, Ma… "He loves you, Robbie."
"I want to believe that, sweetheart…And thanks for putting a good word in for him." Robert beamed.
Well…Rent was always nice to me…Even if totally uninterested sexually, which actually made the "nice" far more real. And you can believe if I didn't believe his love for you sincere, Bobbie…He'd be dead in a ditch or swamp long ago…Cersei thought.
"But he's playing with fire and may be being played…Tyrion?" the King turned to Tyrion. "Think our Phantom Menace is at work here, Tyr?"
"Unquestionably, Rob…No offense either, Lord Markwell, but I'm convinced Boleyn has been seduced by whatever this dark power offered him." Tyrion nodded at Markwell who waved it off.
"I doubt the seduction would take all that much, my Lord Hand…Creepy and ambitious perv that he is." Maced shrugged. "Though his strange new Faith may have something to do with it all."
"Indeed." Tyrion nodded. "And to what extent the Menace is involved, can't say but this sort of thing can only create chaos and that's what this fellow most wants, it's clear. I wonder…" drumming fingers on table… "This new Faith, this…Light of Lords…Light Lord?"
"Harumph…Uh, Light Lord, I believe, your Grace." Purile hastily spoke up.
"Yes…It seems to have sprung up fairly recently in the Kingdom, imported from Essos, wasn't it, Verysmuch?" Tyrion glanced at Verysmuch.
Hmmn…Oh, right…Foreign Affairs and Spymaster…As all looked to him…
"Yes, Lord Hand, it came from Bravvos, so far as my birds can tell me. Quite powerful in parts of the City and some of the other Free Cities."
"Big mistake, that…" Robert noted. "Leaving them free cities and all. Athens, Pentos, you know." Frown. "Dangerous radicals all…Holding free elections, spouting nonsense about ending slavery and all are equal crap…A free press, what is that? People need to be told what to think."
"Should've been forged into an Empire long ago. Might be time we did something about that…But go on, Lord Hand…"
"Well…It just seems to me that this Faith seems rather conveniently arrived for the recent troubles and to have played some role in them…" Tyrion. "According to the reports passed to me from your network, Lord Verysmuch…"
Right, the middling crap I let him get…Verysmuch nodded pleasantly.
"And some interesting intelligence from Lord Addams' new network…"
Right…Remind me the sob stole half my operatives…Repressing frown.
"And my own…"
Purile harumphing a bit proudly…Surely, he means me. The Lannister ace in the deck…
"…about the realm, mostly from my old brothel contacts and other friends I've made…"
Harumph of annoyance…
"And Meister Purile's…"
Well, ok…
Hmmn…Makes me feel rather unnecessary…Verysmuch, frowning.
Still he did make use of my stuff too…
"…they're led here in Westeros by the High Priestess at Stormin' Out, currently under Lord Stanislaw's protection?"
"Heh, heh…'Protection'…" Robert chuckled. "I know Stan loves to play the incorruptible ascetic but I'd bet there was nooky involved there."
"Now, to be fair…Stanislaw's always been a devoted husband. Never even made a pass at me." Cersei noted.
"Never? Really?" Hmmn… "Maybe…?" Rob, twiddling fingers, with grin to Cersei… "Could run in the family…? What do you think, my Queen? Might explain some of the past seventeen…"
"Please…" Cersei chuckled, coy smile...C'mon, you… "I mean I love Rently too…Really…But I'd easier believe he was adopted."
The various ministers eyeing each other…I mean, sure Rob always saw to it Rently's "proclivities" were protected, even by royal law, but this…Our Rob, a sense of humor beyond humiliation of Joffrey and a few others and grim jokes about defeated, slaughtered foes? Not to mention, the Queen?
"It's my people's observation, if I may be so bold, your Majesty…" Verysmuch, carefully. "That Lord Stanislaw has, in the past, sowed a few 'wild oats' as they say. Both at home and here in the capital…"
"Oh, really…" Robert, stern look. "Well, only human of him…But if you have any files there, Verysmuch, destroy 'em. I want to hear no more of this."
"Sire? I only…" Verysmuch, all turning to him.
Only doin' my job…Geesh…I monitor all potential threats in my capacity as Foreign Minister and Spymaster…
Gods, if I'm to be slapped down, at least do it for my true betrayals…
"No, no…I commend your keeping an eye out…" Robert, waving hand...
"I don't mean to say stop watching my idiot brothers and anyone else worth the trouble…This ain't Athens, gods know. And it keeps us all minding our ps and qs, after all. Royals as well."
"Uh…Well, Sire…Of course I would never…"
Mass roll of eyes round the table…
"Now, stop it. We all know you do. It's your job. Keep up the good work, Verysmuch." Robert sternly.
Cersei nodding firmly… Heck we're Royals, we accept that we're in the fishbowl…
"Yes, it's very fine intelligence, my Lord." Tyrion agreed. "And you too, Purile. You'll be missed when you head out."
Purile pausing in mid-harumph… "Thanks, my gracious Lord."
That's so kind…It's nice to be appreciated, you know…Verysmuch, blinking back tear.
If I weren't wedded to his overthrow for ridiculous notions of divine right, I could really get behind the new Rob Barftheron and his Queen.
"You know, though…On the other hand…If we can get Rently to see sense…This could be a powerful new alliance that balances out the Lannister hold on the Kingdom." Cersei noted. "A way to pry us a bit free if we can finesse it."
Hey, I love my dad but I be full on Team Barftheron now…She eyed a delighted Robert with grin and wink.
Purile staring from his seat, his travel bags packed and dropped beside his chair, Fester off duty saying his goodbyes to various friends and prostitutes about town, a bit stunned…
Say what, my Lannister Queen?
"Probably for the best for the independence of the throne…And not really all that bad a thing for Dad and the family, from the Lannister pov…" Tyrion agreed. "With all due respect, your Majesty…" Robert nodding.
"To have some of the pressure and bad press taken off and distributed more evenly could only help the Lannister image. Heck if I didn't know Dad is as concerned by what's going on as we are, I'd suspect he played a role here, just for that. After all, even we can't endlessly finance the Kingdom alone."
"So, your recommendation…My Second Hand…?" Robert eyed Tyrion.
"Make it your alliance, Rob." Tyrion nodded. "Give Rently a bit of stick in private but congratulate him in public…Indeed, overwhelm him and his new bride…A very sweet girl by all accounts…With praise and attention. Make everyone believe this was your idea or at least you jumped at the notion. And welcome the consolidation of a new leg of support for the Kingdom. Maced here has already promised his support and Lady Oleanna's…Boleyn, treacherous as he is, won't try to act without the Markwells."
"A wise course, my liege…" Purile nodded.
Well, if Cersei's gonna buck her father, as well as the Imp, I may as well offer the best counsel here and the shrewd little bastard is quite right from a power dynamic pov.
"Still…Whoever the Menace is…" Tyrion reflected. "They must have known you'd do this and that Boleyn couldn't and would never act alone… I have to wonder if the real point was to put your brothers at odds…Stanislaw must take this as a huge blow to his hopes, especially if Rently remains firmly bound to you."
"He should…" Cersei frowned. "It's time he got off his high horse and accepted that Rob is going nowhere and he should settle down and run his province well. Gods know it could use some attention."
"Stanislaw always thought himself the rightful King…Older brother, more disciplined, trimmer figure…" Robert frowned. "I've had to slap him down a few times, much as I love the sob." Sigh. "And this crazy new religion tooting him as its Savior..."
"Anointed One, I believe, my liege." Verysmuch spoke up.
"I'll anoint him if he keeps this nonsense up…" Robert glared. "But lets hope if Rently sees sweet reason after a good threat and a bit of carrot, Stan will too. You know…" he looked round the table. "Maybe a neat little foreign war on the Targaryen bimbo and her new allies in Barth wouldn't be that bad a thing…Naturally nothing big… You all know my policy against a major land war in Essos." Glance about the table.
Admittedly a wise one…Verysmuch nods. Indeed, I've tried to set him up for a disastrous invasion but even in his most degenerate, utterly soused moments, Barftheron retains his tactical and strategic skills.
"Yes, a small-scale effort, maybe... In, pillage and terrorize, out. Give Stanislaw something fun and interesting to do, helping me taking her and her dragons on…If she can ever raise an army. I'm sure there'd be no shortage of Essosian powers ready to restrain a potential Targaryen maniac from coming to power there."
Sadly, rather true…Verysmuch sighed. I've always had trouble finding anyone who'd support my true Targaryen prince in seizing power in Essos. They're always ok with shipping them off to Westeros, even eager, but no one wants the white-haired purples as Overlords in their back yard.
"…And we could make Rently regent for a bit…He'd like that, doing all his social reforms with Gomez and Tyrion to watch over him."
"Lets not go too far showing Rently we trust him, Bobbie…" Cersei cautioned. "I trust my dear baby brother and his partner Hand…" beam to Tyrion… "…would keep his feet on the ground but we have to consider he might become too popular…That might even be part of our enemy's plan. How about we put Tommen in as acting King with Rently as regent, sworn to uphold his throne? That would seal off any big ideas of taking the throne but let him enjoy some power and reform? And give Tommen some experience…"
Great way to find yourself out of a job, girl…Purile frowned. Beloved Tommen and kindly Uncle Rently the Reformer fixing the Kingdom at every level with that mad genius Addams and the little brilliant punk here…? Frown at Tyrion…
The People would never let you and Bob back.
"Heck we wouldn't even need to start a war in the East…" she noted. "Give us a little break to travel about, see the people, get to know the Kingdom again…Maybe send Stanislaw to go raid Barth or something?"
"Hmmn…Sounds like a second and far more real honeymoon…And yet another slap down for our older punk, confirming his status as never will be King." Robert smiled. "Well, if it doesn't come to a real war…And sadly, these days, we seem to generally be avoiding war…Lets consider it."
(Zounds…Verysmuch, Middlefinger in their respective stunned interior monologues…Mudda of Gods, is dis da end of Verysmuch/Middlefinger?
Or worse yet, will we actually have to just be content with doing our current jobs?
Especially with all our respective fortunes or lack thereof tied up in our respective schemes…Damn, best check the Westeros government workers pension plan again.)
"But I do agree with Tyrion…" nod. "Lets make this alliance our own and do the full PR campaign on it. Cerse? Think you can help your brother plan a formal reception, perhaps even a repeat formal wedding ceremony? Make it a big splash and convince everyone this was Our and I mean Ours idea." smile.
"With pleasure, my liege and sweetie." She beamed. "Margeary always did seem like a nice kid, it will really be good to welcome her to the family."
"Lets just hope she's not giving up too much in…Prince…And only, Prince…Regent Rently." Robert sighed. "But I know Rently will try to be good to her…Well…Just have to deal with one last bit here…" he noted. "And best Gomez is away…I wouldn't want to see him embarrassed here."
Cersei, sympathetic look…
One of those uneasy lie the Head that wears moments, I know, honey…
"Captain of the Guard? Call in Ser Lotus…" Robert commanded.
Jamie, a bit startled to be formally addressed by his true title…Uh…As all looked at him.
"Jamie?" Cersei eyed him…
"Right, sorry, your Majesty." Jamie bowed slightly.
Hey, respect begets respect…Waving to two guards and proceeding to the great door to the outer hall, waiting for guard to open to the hall where outside Ser Lotus, minus armor but in formal dress waited on bench, rising at once.
Along with his diminutive companion…Likewise formally decked out, in elegant, if depressing, black with just a few lilies.
"Ser Lotus? His Majesty and the Council will see you now." A reasonably polite address, Jamie in reasonably good mood.
"If I may join my fiancée, Ser Jamie?" Wednesday, rather formally.
"You really don't have to, love." Ser Lotus patted her hand.
"We're a team, aren't we?" she eyed him. He, nodding with fond smile. You betcha.
"Please announce us both, Ser Jamie, if you would?" Lotus turned to him as the two rose.
"Sure…" Jamie grinned at Wednesday holding Lot's hand firmly.
Damn, you may be a lucky dog at that, Lot…He thought.
"Ser Lotus Markwell and Lady Wednesday Addams!" he called in.
Robert eyeing Cersei, leaning on hand with sigh…
Not too rough, honey…Smiling warmly as the couple approached.
"Have a seat…" Robert eyed the two, hand-in-hand…
Now what do I do with this? He gave mock stern look to Cersei who smiled…
C'mon…They're the cutest thing…And we've agreed Lotus is just backing a friend for the potential succession.
"Well, well…Nice to see you, Masked Avenger Addams…Sorry to give away your secret id…" Robert eyed Wednesday, with smile. "My Lady, you aren't required to be here, you know?"
"So, Ser Lotus has told me, Sire." She nodded. "But his Fate is mine. Whatever that may be."
"Now, now…" Cersei shook head, raising a hand… "It's not as bad as all that. There are just some questions we have."
"Indeed…" Robert nodded. "And I appreciate your coming, Ser Lotus…And the determination of your affianced."
"Thanks, your Majesty. Particularly for the latter…" Ser Lotus, bowing.
"And we appreciate your help in saving Our Lord Hand Addams from some minor troubles the other day…Troubles we need not go into." Robert, a bit sternly at end, to all and sundry.
We definitely need not…Cersei nodding.
"Sire…" nod. "But Lady Wednesday was the one who dealt with most of that." Lotus smiled. "I was just back-up."
"No way…" Wednesday, hastily. "I mean…Not at all, Sire. My fiancée was instrumental in saving my father, Your Hand."
"Which goes a long way to keep this an informal hearing, sweetheart." Robert nodded. "Now, lets not beat about the bush, Ser Lotus. You know my brother Lord Rently has forged a new alliance with the Boleyn clan and possibly some of his Markwell relations. Given Lady Oleanna, and Lord Maced here, reaffirm their loyalty to House Barftheron, I need to ask you…What's your take on this?"
"I am a friend to your brother Prince Rently, Sire. That's well known." Ser Lotus nodded.
Oh, yeah…Slight furtive looks about table…
Well known…
"And I did pledge him my support in any eventuality should the succession be contested. And I do believe he would make an excellent King."
"I see. Honest enough. But what of Prince Tommen's fitness?" Robert eyed him sternly. "He being the declared heir."
"He's very young and threatened by many dangerous foes. I do pledge him my support, but I must say I feel an older and more experienced person might be best to hold the throne until he's grown a bit." Firm tone.
"Rently, you mean?" Robert, carefully.
"If you allowed it or the Kingdom chose it out of necessity after your death, should your death be premature. Only as an eventuality…" Ser Lotus firmly. "I only say this for the good of the Kingdom. I've no doubt that when he reaches manhood, Prince Tommen will be an excellent king."
"And did you arrange this alliance with your uncle Thomas…The marriage with your cousin?" Robert, sternly.
"I did not…I've no great faith in Uncle Thomas, I'd far prefer to offer Rently support of my own. Though, I can assure you, my cousin Margeary is an excellent choice for Rently and one I did suggest."
"Indeed…You can swear on oath you did not arrange this alliance and your support for Rently is within legal bounds of the succession? And further…" stern glance. "That you would pledge support for Prince Tommen even if he became King before his majority?"
"I can swear that oath and affirm as to my support for Prince Rently." Lotus nodded. "As to Prince Tommen, I would give him my full support but…I must put the needs of the Kingdom first. Meaning if he were deemed incapable by the majority of the Lords due to his youth, I would urge the regency of Prince Rently."
"That's a decision reserved for me, boy." Robert eyed him. "Fortunately for you, I partly agree with it as does my Queen and Council. Very well, we'll say no more of this matter. But I will require you to leave any decisions as to regency in future to me and/or the Queen and Our Council. Got it?"
"Sire." Bow.
"All right, girl?" Robert eyed Wednesday. "You do know by most notions of royal power I should consider thwarting your marriage as a potentially dangerous concentration of power for Rently. But, given We have accepted Rently's marriage and its alliance with Our House by the Boleyns and Markwells as a reaffirmation of their loyalty, at least that of the Markwells…And you two are the damn cutest pair ever…We'll let it slide."
"Thanks, your Grace." She gulped, bowing.
"Indeed, I think when your Father returns it might be high time for your wedding…" Robert beamed. "Not only a delight that'll warm hearts thought too cold to beat…But it'll send a message that House Markwell is solid with the King and his best friend Lord Addams. What do you say, you two?"
"Oh, King Bob…" Wednesday, joyfully clapping hands… "Uh…Many thanks your Grace."
"Thank you, your Majesties…" Ser Lotus bowed. "I know our gracious Queen played an instrumental role here, so thank you personally your Highness." He smiled to Cersei who gave gracious, pleased nod.
"A pleasure, Ser Lotus. Be good to this angel." She nodded.
"He will! Uh, ma'am." Wednesday, curtseying.
"I only wish we could make poor Sansa Stark nearly so happy, so easily…" Cersei sighed. "And that brings us to the last matter, which the King has graciously left to me…"
Sorry, bro…Robert eyed Tyrion. But we'll try to work something out… Tyrion eyeing him, then Cersei…
Uh-oh…
Knew I should have married Steph before taking this gig…And she kept saying if I did there'd be hell to pay regards our matrimony…And not just Pa's hell.
"My Lord Hand…Tyrion…" Cersei sighed. "It has come to Our attention…"
Really, sorry…For once in my formerly angry, depressed life, I mean it, baby bro…
"…That you have formed a rather serious mesalliance…With a woman of not so noble birth…" Careful tone. "And whom it's said…You intend to marry?"
"Of course, I do…And she's a brave, wonderful girl…And a prostitute, retired…" Tyrion frowned. "You don't need to mince words…"
Oh, mincing words is one of the most delightful forms of crushing someone's nuts, little man…Purile smiled.
"Tyrion…You are a noble of the highest rank…" Cersei, shaking head. "I mean yes, at least she's not an actress…"
"Steph saved my life, Cersei. And she's a fine woman."
"I know, I know…" sigh. "Tyrion, I hope you know this hurts me…Amazing as that may sound…And I love you, brother…But…Really…There are rules."
"Can't you just fuck her on the side, keep her as your mistress in great estate?" Robert asked. "I mean, I get you gave her a promise but, bro…We all do from time to time. As a former prostitute she'd understand."
"It really would make things much easier, honey." Cersei tried. "And after all, most officially married noblewomen don't do all that much more than she would in that case…"
"I let one poor girl go…Not this one." Tyrion, firmly.
"I see you haven't said… 'I love her'…" Cersei, shrewdly. "Well? Do you?"
"Of course…" Tyrion, annoyed. "She endured all the hardships and risked her life for me…I have to."
You do? Purile, various ministers, Jamie, staring.
Since when?
Oh, my Gods…Jamie blinking.
So that's it.
That's what it's all about…
Crap…I've been missing the whole point all these years. I should have realized what with Cersei's crazy devotion to Rob, putting up with it all, till he finally got it…That's what it's all about, really. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
And double crap…Sigh at Tyrion…
I ruined my own brother's shot at happiness.
…