Chapter 69: Fear of the Bomb

She could literally feel her blood drain from her face and her body cover in cold sweat.

"What?" she demanded shrilly facing the disheveled looking intern, challenging her, but pleading in reality, to say otherwise. "What do you mean Shepherd's team?"

"They're still in OR 2 operating on Dr. Bailey's husband," explained Dr. Lawrence. "I was sent to check the situation."

Meredith forced herself to breathe in and out … Derek was in the endangered area… operating next to a bomb…

She felt like she would die today… Not Derek. Derek was to be whole and healthy, and happy, not… a step from dying.

"Chief, the bomb squad just arrived," a nurse informed her.

Meredith nodded distractedly and ran off with a hasty "Excuse me". She needed to pull herself together instead of locking up in some secluded supply closet and indulging herself in a panic attack or a tear flood she craved so much right know. She couldn't act like a woman in love worrying about her man. She was the Chief, the leader figure. There were too many people depending on her. She had to carry the weight of this hospital on her shoulders on her own. And Derek… Derek wasn't technically even her man anymore. That said, it didn't stop the splitting pain from breaking her heart into thousand smithereens.

Making a brave face she entered the small conference room, now densely packed with bulky men in black uniforms.

"Gentlemen," she nodded in greeting. "I'm Dr. Meredith Grey, the Chief-"

"Wait, you're the Chief?" asked curiously one of them, an unmistakable claim for authority in his voice.

"Yes," she sighed, her lips closing in a dissatisfied thin line. On any other day, she'd show that arrogant ass who was in charge in here but in this very moment, it was all insignificant. It all paled against the fact that Derek was facing… No, she could not admit it, even in her thoughts. She had to concentrate on her job, nothing else for the moment. She couldn't be worrying about Derek as a person; as a surgeon, it was allowed. He was an invaluable element of her staff, a brilliant surgeon possessing million-dollar hands. That was all she could think about him right now if she wanted to stay sane.

"And who are you?" she demanded the tall black-haired man who had addressed her so impertinently.

"Dylan Young, bomb squad," he wasted no time in informing her. "As I understand the zone in direct risk has been evacuated with exception of the OR containing the explosive? Right now, we're going to check the area and then secure the patient. In the meantime, nobody gets close to that floor," he shot out and started giving directions to his men.

"No, No!" she managed to shout over, bringing back the squad specialists' attention before they left. "We… we thought everyone else except the OR 3 led by Dr. Hunt was evacuated." She took a deep breath, it felt almost painful, "We were mistaken."

"What do you mean?" Dylan demanded impatiently. "We were clearly informed everyone else evacuated."

"That's what we thought," explained Meredith, breathing regularly, fighting like hell to keep a cool head. "I've just been informed that there's another ongoing procedure… A brain surgery, in OR 2."

Dylan prompted one of his men out of the room with a nod of his head. "Why is that surgical team still out there? he barked out.

"I don't know," she gritted out. Every word of this conversation was pure torture. "He… must have underestimated the danger, he disregarded the code black."

"He?" Dylan shook his head. "Who?"

"Dr. Shepherd," she answered quietly. "He's the surgeon responsible for that OR."

The man in front of her nodded. "We're going to evacuate him and his team right now. "

"Mr. Young," she stopped him once again where he was almost out of the room. "Just… do whatever you need to get him out of there," she managed to utter. "He needs to be out of there."

"I mean, the whole team," she rushed to correct herself as Dylan glanced at her quirkily. "These are excellent doctors; the hospital cannot afford to lose them."

Dylan acknowledged her words with a nod of his head and hurried out while Meredith allowed herself a few solitary minutes for the numbness to permeate her skin. She could not afford to lose him, not like that.

She wouldn't; her fists clenched in determination. But his safety as well as that of the rest of the medical staff didn't depend solely on the bomb squad's handling the explosive. It also depended on her integrity, quick thinking and the ability to face crisis situations. So, for the sake of them all, for the sake of Derek, she needed to lock her feelings in a little box and throw out the key. She had responsibilities to fulfill.

His patient didn't let Derek lose concentration even for a second. It was one of those cases that created problem after problem and made you spend a whole day in the OR. And he was Miranda Bailey's husband, to complicate things further. When Miranda jokingly said that he owed her for helping out to organize the Christmas dinner, performing a life-saving craniotomy surely was far from entering her thoughts. Yet by a bizarre twist of events that was exactly what he was doing. Although, the life-saving part still remained to be seen.

He vaguely registered the absence of Dr. Lawrence. The resident sent with a clear purpose didn't make her way back to witness the demanding procedure.

The door suddenly busted open, but it wasn't Dr. Lawrence as he noticed with a slight frown.

"Who are you and what the hell are you doing in my OR?" asked Derek dryly, his eyes too busy to recognize the intruder's badge.

"Dylan Young, head of the bomb squad," he answered keeping close to the door. "Dr. Shepherd, there's an explosive device in the OR next door. Dr. Hunt is about to start a procedure in order to remove the device from of a man's body. I need you to evacuate now."

So, it was the real deal, his curiosity was satisfied, Derek snorted bitterly in his mind. He felt odd with how unconcerned about his own situation that knowledge left him.

"I've got a guy whose brain's exposed on this table," he stated calmly. "I'm not going to walk away and leave him to die." He was going to save Tucker Jones even if it was the last thing he'd do. "The rest of you can go," he addressed his staff. "You should go." One by one the medical team thinned out until the only left in the room were Derek, a nurse and an anesthesiologist.

He looked at the bomb squad officer and their determined regards clashed. Not for long, as Derek was right back doing his job.

Dylan took another try, "You close him up, you do whatever you have to do. The Chief of surgery has authorized me to tell you you cannot stay here."

It was out of pure luck that Derek was reaching for the sponge while Meredith came up in the conversation and his hand shook dangerously.

"The Chief of surgery doesn't scare me," he retaliated arrogantly but then added trying to make the situation look lighter, "Dr. Bailey scares me. I'm not going to be the one to let her husband die. And that's what would happen if I put his skull open in this condition, bomb or no bomb. Now get out of my OR," he unceremoniously threw the other man out giving him a cold glare, the one in which Meredith was a real master.

Dylan seemed ready to protest but ultimately desisted, realizing that he wouldn't be able to coax the stubborn doctor out on his free will.

An eerie silence fell over the OR after only four people stayed inside, one of them unconscious. Yet, there was no panic in Derek's heart, only unyielding determination and recklessness. He let his mind wander off, imaging what would happen if the bomb went off… He saw an image of a tear-stricken Meredith clutching his lifeless body. Yeah, right, he thought ironically. First, he meant nothing to Meredith, zero. Second, there would be probably no body to mourn; just a pink mist, that would be all left off him.

Meredith nervously paced the claustrophobically small conference room. Outside, the situation was gradually settling down. The patients were dropped off over other Seattle hospitals; the first wave of shock and anxiousness crashed and ebbed away. That didn't mean everything was back to normal, far from it. The tense atmosphere among the surgical staff was palpable. The grand majority decided to remain at the hospital, waiting for any concrete news about their colleagues that were saving lives in mortal peril. Now they could die all together, she remarked checking the hospital blueprints for the tenth time awaiting Young.

"Mr. Young," she exclaimed as soon as he appeared in the doorway. "The Shepherd team, are they safe?"

"Most of them, yes."

"Most of them?" she breathed out, full of misgivings. "What does "most of them" mean?"

"Dr. Shepherd refused to leave his patient," informed her calmly Dylan. "He stayed behind along with two other people."

"What?" she screamed shrilly, and her eyes bored into his accusingly. "You were to evacuate hi- them!" she stammered.

"They decided to stay and save the man that is your colleague's husband I believe," argued Dylan, surprise evident in his voice. Weren't doctors, just like the guys from his squad, a close-knit group, loyal to and relying on each other?

Meredith ignored his statement altogether. In this very second, she didn't think like a doctor but a scared restless woman that had no energy to care about anyone else than her beloved.

"You call yourself a professional?" she verbally attacked the man before her. "You can't even provide safety for people who aren't necessary to be in the area?"

"It's your authority he doesn't respect!" he growled back. "He blatantly dismissed your orders!"

"Aren't you people trained to handle this kind of situation?" she argued back ignoring his jab.

"Look, we can't take this people out of the OR by force," explained Dylan struggling to keep his patience. "They knew the risk and they decided to stay behind to save a life. I respect that. Now, do you have something substantial to say to me or can I go back to where I'm needed? Because we're good to go. My team's in place, Dr. Hunt is ready. The patient is stable. We can have the bomb out in ten minutes if I'm not interrupted again."

She should have known Derek would be too noble to leave his patient in need, his colleague's family at that. She couldn't run down to the surgical floor to impose her order on him. The bomb squad wouldn't let her, her duty as the Chief required her to overlook the functioning of the hospital without risking her neck, and… Derek wouldn't listen to her anyway. At points, his stubbornness could rival hers.

Meredith took a deep calming breath reminding herself again how much was at stake. When she spoke again, her voice was clear and professional as ever. "In the OR, we put our patients under general anesthesia."

"Yeah?"

"That involves a steady flow of pure oxygen," stated Meredith.

Dylan's expression turned to one of the highest alert knowing exactly what it could mean for the hospital and the people gathered inside. "Well, can't you turn off the oxygen to my OR?"

"I can and I have," nodded Meredith making her way to the small desk where rested the hospital blueprints. "But… this is your OR." She pointed at the paper with her finger. "This is the OR floor's main oxygen line… runs directly under the room…"

Dylan let out a deep frustrated sigh studying the plans on top speed. They had to move the problematic patient out of that room before anything or the whole building would be in the danger of blowing up. Not wasting any more time, he hurried out of the conference room.

"I need an update on when you're going to start moving!" Meredith shouted after him from the doorstep.

"Chief?"

She turned sideways and her eyes rested on Miranda Bailey standing before her, in her street clothes and clutching her phone so tightly that her knuckles went white. She took in with unease the lack of stout doctor's usual sparkling confidence.

"Chief," she addressed her again, her voice struggling to remain even. "Can you tell me… where's my husband?"

Meredith peeked over her shoulder at their fellow doctors roaming anxiously around the lobby with gloomy expressions on their faces. Great, of course they left to her the task of informing Dr. Bailey about the state of her husband. But she didn't blame them. She was the boss here, the one that was supposed to keep her own emotions at bay so that others stayed safe.

"Dr. Grey, can you tell me where exactly is my husband?" asked Bailey again swallowing hard, "because these fools… they didn't want to tell me. And I've… I've just spent an hour that was supposed to be my marriage counseling session calling my husband and… and telling him that he'd be better be lying dead somewhere on the street… So, where is he?"

Meredith took a deep breath tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear distractedly. "Dr. Bailey," she cleared her throat. "Your husband is with my-" she trailed off suddenly. Her what? Ex-lover? Ex-boyfriend? Ex-would-be husband? "He's with Dr. Shepherd…"

She watched Miranda's face change as she explained what was going on with the man she loved, and it perfectly reflected her own feelings. Only, she could not tiredly sink into a chair, succumbing into a moment of weakness.

When the door to Derek's OR opened again it wasn't anyone from the bomb squad.

"Dr. Hunt," remarked Derek with a slight surprise.

"Dr. Shepherd," sighed Owen with a slight nod of his head, halting near the door, his torso protected by a black vest. "How's it going?" he asked conversationally.

"He's got a second bleed under his skull base," answered Derek. "If I do what the textbooks say, he could lose the power of speech, herniate and die."

"What's your other option?" Owen led the conversation further.

"If I do what I want to do," Derek breathed deeply, "he could lose the power of speech, herniate and die."

"Well, good luck with that," nodded Owen.

"Thanks," muttered Derek and gave his colleague a brief look. "Is there anything you want? Like tell me it was stupid of me not to evacuate?"

"Why would I do that?" shrugged Owen with a chuckle. "I didn't either."

"Now, can you operate and remove the device from the guy?" asked rationally Derek.

"After the bomb squad is through assessing him, I'm going to try," nodded Owen reluctantly.

"Have you ever…?" Derek trailed off, deciding that his question might be uncomfortable for the army surgeon. Owen didn't enjoy sharing his past.

"Have I ever pulled an unexploded ammunition out of a living patient?" chuckled Owen. "No, I honestly have not. Reattaching severed limbs, taking out fragments of ammunition, healing burns, yes, but a ticking bomb inside of a body cavity, a bomb that might kill us all? No, I had to go all the way from Iraq to Seattle, Washington to get a case like that." He shook his head disbelieving half smile playing on his lips and turned to leave the room.

"Dr. Hunt?" Derek's voice called him back. "See you tonight at Joe's? Celebrate New Year?"

"Ah, yeah. Yeah," agreed Owen with a minuscule smile. "I'll see you there."

"I can't freaking believe it," muttered frantically Mark, raking his hair with his hands, his elbows propped on his thighs as he sat on one of the plastic chairs in the lobby, waiting with everyone else for the further development of the situation. "What am I going to say to his mother? She had already had her husband killed, and now her only son?"

"Mark, you won't have to say anything to Derek's mother," said soothingly Addison rubbing slow circles on his back. "Everything's going to be okay."

"He always has to play the hero!" complained Mark. "Always! He's been like that since primary school when he was a skinny kid with an afro. Only then the worst he could get was getting his ass kicked and now… now he can blow up!"

"Mark!" hissed Addison. "Don't you talk like that. The bomb squad is taking care of everything, they know their job!"

"No, Addie, you don't talk like that to me," bit Mark. "Don't use that voice we speak to patients' families!"

"Derek is going to be all right," insisted Addison lowering her voice significantly. "He isn't even the one in the room with the bomb." She glanced around feeling instantaneously guilty seeing the gloomy faces of Miranda Bailey and Cristina Yang. Both Bailey's husband and Owen Hunt were in a trickier situation; the first one lying on the operating table with a serious brain contusion, the other operating directly on the man who carried death inside him.

Addison turned her head and her eyes rested on her best friend instead. Meredith was fulfilling her role as the leader beautifully, staying calm, keeping her head above the water. She didn't dismiss anyone who came to her with questions, and she kept everyone on pulse, informing them every now and then about the progress that was made. Right now, she was putting the receiver of the internal line down, which meant she was about to make another announcement.

Everyone's attention shifted automatically at her slender form as she halted in the middle of the lobby.

"I've just talked to a member of the bomb squad," she informed them with a strong reassuring voice. "Dr. Hunt is extending the wound as I speak, which means it's a matter of minutes before the device can be extracted and disposed of safely. I'll let you know when I learn something new. Excuse me," she nodded at the gathering, disappearing into the conference room to receive a phone call, followed closely by George O'Malley.

"It sucks," said Izzie morosely, propping her head tiredly against her hand.

"Yeah," sighed Alex, putting a protective arm around her shoulders as they sat on the floor against the wall along with others, waiting for any substantial turn of events.

"They might…" stammered Izzie. "Any second, they might die… just like that." She snapped her fingers in demonstration.

"They won't," he assured her. "Hunt was in Iraq, you think he survived just to get blasted off in Seattle?"

"I don't think they will ever be the same again if something happens to them," she went on looking over her colleagues. "Cristina, Dr. Bailey… Dr. Grey…"

"Dr. Grey?" asked Alex leniently.

"I don't know how she's doing it," she shook her head. "Derek is down there… and she has to stay tough and care about everything else."

"Iz-"

"Alex," she cut him off decidedly. "Let's not have this argument right now, okay? I know what she's going through. I know she's in excruciating pain. I can tell… because I vividly remember feeling like that too."

Alex nodded but said nothing tracing soothing circles on her arm.

Meredith shut her phone down with annoyance and tossed it into George's hands.

"You'll be handling the press right now," she ordered distractedly rubbing her temples. "I swear I'll lose it if I hear another question about fatalities."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of everything," promised George. "It's… it's going to be okay."

"I'm not a five-year-old," sighed Meredith as she picked her cup of coffee and scrunched her face at its lukewarm content. "I don't need to be assured everything's going to be okay… especially, if you don't know that."

"Well, it's.. a day to be scared," replied George, "and it's just what you say on a day like this."

Even if she wanted to answer back, she was stopped by her cell phone ringing with exhausting insistence.

"Turn that off!" she barked at her deputy. "It's driving me mad!"

"I'll… I'll take care of this," he muttered quickly and hurried out of the room, bumping into Addison in the doorway.

"Calm down," said Addie quietly, her forehead frowned as she studied her best-friend's face. Meredith's nerves were in shreds and she couldn't help wondering whether the source of the anguish was the crisis situation in general of the fact that Derek's life was in peril.

"Calm down?" laughed bitterly Meredith pacing the room right and left, her hands on her hips. "I have an evacuated OR, a bomb in a body cavity, a paramedic with her hand on the explosive, a man on a table who can bleed out at any moment unless we remove the bomb from his chest..." her voice shook for a millisecond in her enumeration, "two world class surgeons in harm's way and the rest of my senior staff on the verge of a nervous breakdown! Really? Calm down? You really want to say calm down?" she rounded on Addison.

"Okay! Don't calm down!" acquiesced the red-head in defeat. "I just wanted to check how you're holding up."

"Now, you're going best-friend on me?" snorted Meredith. "I don't need this right now."

"Don't you?" Addison's eyes bored into hers. "Today even Yang and Bailey need this."

"And what do I have in common with Yang and Bailey?" asked Meredith curtly, challenge evident in her tone.

"You tell me," insisted Addie.

Meredith blinked at her letting out a deep heavy breath. "I have a hospital to look after," she said half-heartedly and departed avoiding her regard.

"Meredith, can you please-" she didn't finish as a sudden tremor crashed through the building like a wave, shaking its solid frame, making the lamps sway in the air and metal instruments clink on carts.

It was gone as rapidly as it came leaving a lingering deadly silence behind. No one dared to move, speak or breathe louder. Meredith raised her eyes, for once full of unmasked fear, to meet Addie's. She knew, along with everybody else, that it was over. One way or another.