Chapter 51: A gifted ring.
~Final chapter.
It was a quiet drive. Hilary was driving. The road seemed empty and silent. The car swished on the concrete road. The night was cold, so she wore a jacket above her gown in the car.
Somehow, no talks were exchanged and still she didn't made efforts to start up any conversation to warm up the aura. The air seemed dense for a second. For a second, she thought she was alone in the car with no one around. She gingerly glanced at him briefly and then turned her gaze back to the front. Window panes were lowered, causing her brunette locks to flutter and pester her. The road seemed to be endless ahead, the breeze gusting, scudding them straight.
"Hilary, are you sure you will move on with me to Florida?" Ryan asked breaking the quietude,
"Yep," Hilary's stare didn't budge, she gently tightened the hold on steering.
You take me so high
I miss the underground
It's never your fault
Is it mine somehow?
I don't wanna know
Silence befell again and Hilary was silently hurt now literally, remembering Tyson's reported conversation of them. She now actually believed that Ryan might never be interested in her in that way. She shook her head slightly subconsciously, accusingly and regretted for falling for him. She was so gutted in the moment. She couldn't deny how her heart bet each time he was with her and that effect, he still had on her and while she was unneeded. She quelled down her emotions.
Ryan too was deeply pondering though Hilary didn't notice.
"Hilary," he said softly,
"Hmm?" Hilary broke from her thoughts,
"I want to tell you something," He said in a different and slow tone,
Her heart almost plummeted and she took a deep breath quickly, "Y-Yeah?"
"Tala's apartment is right here. Might be you didn't notice," Ryan said,
"Oh!" Hilary sweat-dropped, deflated. She gradually stopped the car.
She sighed and breathed in the darkness scenting her own fragrance. Ryan paused too and looked at her intently,
"The moon, it's beautiful," Ryan mused. Hilary looked skywards and nodded.
"It feels so serene and pacific," he mentioned again in the same tone, doting on the nature. Hilary gave a brief nod.
"Hila-"
"Shall we move?" Hilary asked abruptly, "It's already past one,"
"Umm, okay," Ryan nodded and veered out of his seat out of the car. She parked the car looking behind.
.
.
.
Tala, Ian and Bryan were peacefully sleeping after the eventful night, since they arrived earlier. They lights were shut closed. They tiptoed to his room, treading carefully. She clicked the switch and the lights flashed.
She drew off her sandals and settled her purse on his beret. He removed his coat and hung it lazily in the closet. Scuffling around and getting accustomed, she suddenly remembered something,
"I almost forgot," she picked her purse from the bed, "I'll get your medicines. I forgot to give you before we left," she said hurriedly.
"I don't want them," he said petulantly, because he knew how powerless they made him feel,
"Are you kidding?" She said agitated, "IRS Cellcept. Leave it and it WILL NOT leave you. It will kill you with renal failure with lupus nephritis. I hope you remember what we learnt in 2nd year," she snapped, glaring at him. He just sighed and nodded reluctantly.
"I'm going to shower, meanwhile you get fresh. Later I'll get to the Cellceptie," he said sarcastically the name.
"Fine," she shrugged.
"Just don't get in while I'm changing," he said cautiously. Hilary casually nodded, "Sure,"
She went to other room where the B-Boys were sleeping peacefully, and she took care to soundlessly take the medicines. She placed them on the table, took the water bottle as well. She tied her hair in a rough bun and removed her earrings, still not removing her jacket feeling like it was needed. She cleaned the room roughly, arranging the sparse contents on proper places. After a few minutes, she took the medicines and strode towards Ryan's room aside.
"Ryan, now get back to the medi-" she said walking hastily in the room. She stopped as she saw him standing, his shirtless back facing her. Water droplets trailed down his tensed back, slithering in curves.
It wasn't the first time she saw him like that, but the thing that froze her was the cuts, stitches, scars and bloodied wounds on his back. They were actually sparse as compared to his front which was still veiled from her sight at the moment. She got a fair idea that he was shocked and anxious and those scars were even more on his front,
"I told you not to come while I'm changing, didn't I?" His voice was fiercely low and angered. Hilary could hear the absolute dislike in his voice, but she wasn't affected by it. She gnawed, slowly trudged towards him, her eyes spooked and her heart felt like clasped terribly.
"Hilary, leave," He said tersely, in a commanding low voice.
She gulped the fear- fear of both the scars which she was gonna see and Ryan's anger.
She nonetheless slowly walked towards him and made blunt effort in turning him brashly. He faced her. She jolted at the sight.
So many red scars, deep ones, wounds, a few stitches, and blue colouration sparsely on his chest, abdomen and arms.
Her eyes horrified and she blanched, looking at him for an answer. Her mouth opened to say something but she was beyond shocked. He felt shameful as she stared at his scars. He still looked at her calmly and broken.
"What are these!" She said in a scared voice.
"Don't ask," he mumbled, head down ducked.
"Did you tried, really to harm-"
"No, it's not that," Ryan said hastily. Hilary waited for him to continue, she was impatiently staring at him,
"When I felt from the cliff, the stones, barren land and all, it tore my skin, and I needed a few stitches, rest all are fine. It wasn't me," he said very hesitantly. He felt very upset at her addled and incredulous demeanor.
'What must be she feeling...'
"You were injured that badly?" She gasped in fright.
"Hmm," he nodded, "Tala treated my wounds, these are all healing right now. The Doctors did the necessary stitches and I was given large doses of steroids." He said looking down sadly, "I felt death. Death was around me, felt like it was there to take me." He droned, fidgeted. Hilary knew the steroids were culprit, but if he didn't take, he was gonna die.
"You didn't ever say me!" She said in trembling voice, feeling very horrible.
"Leave it," he shrugged bitterly. She felt like scared even to touch those scars, "I know you'd not like it if I said," he said simply ,
"N-Not like it? What does that mean, Ryan?" She shot.
"I'm not healthy, Hilary," he said dejectedly, "I'm not the cool guy you used to know. I've scars, and all these to carry. All these marks to remind me my tragedy. I'm not that cool, happy Ryan I was. Look at me, I'm so h-horrible," he said very brokenly in maudlin. Hilary didn't understand anything. She was just so petrified at his pessimism right now.
"They will heal..." she tried to appease,
"The last time you saw me shirtless, I wasn't like this. You're thinking that, right?" He laughed almost hurtful.
"So what is the problem here, I didn't understand-"
"Aren't you ashamed of me?" He asked disappointed and very badly dejected, "Do you still love me?" He asked, looking at her. She understood what he was saying. And why wouldn't she love him? It wasn't some stupid crush, after all. She laughed in mock for a second. She nodded in silent anger, "You're right. You doubt my-"
"No its not that," he interrupted. He knew he was lying. She was standing close to him. She was very disappointed and furious about his question but she just took off her jacket and placed on his front gently. A nostalgic memory came over her...a few years back, he'd done the same to her. She held his hands barely and sighed hopelessly, "Get dressed, you need to rest, REALLY." She said and wordlessly left him.
Why would she have to repeat her confession again and again. Wasn't twice sufficient? And what about him? There was no reply at all.
We're far away and I'm falling
And you're getting bored
When I was so sure
That I had it all
I don't wanna bother you no more
I don't wanna bother you
Ryan felt doubtful because of her shock. He was already under too much pressure. Hilary realized that later. She nonetheless felt the test and maelstrom.
'This isn't the time I accuse him. He's already hurt so much. Maybe I'd wait more.' The injuries came in her mind and she felt agonized. She sat limply in the room, unchanged and tired. Tired of everything. She looked at her gown. She sighed. 'I'm trying to be patient, really.'
She got up and lazily changed into comfortable night clothes. There was some space in the room. She lied down, a little far away from Ian. The nightfall was so obscure and heavy.
.
.
.
Hilary woke up at six a.m and checked her phone. She yawned as she got up and brushed her hair and got freshened. She went to Ryan's room and knocked. The door was open.
'Oh, when on the earth it was ever locked?'
She walked in and everything was blank.
Blank.
Empty.
Hilary rubbed her eyes. Ryan wasn't there and Tala and others were asleep outside in hall. His belongings and everything, it just wasn't there. Hilary gasped and she rushed out to check Ryan. She looked over every corner of the whole house, scuffling frantically but couldn't find him. Where did he elude! She seethed. She felt very uncanny.. The main door was locked from inside. Hilary stomped towards Tala who was sleeping along with all others. Groveling on his bed, she abruptly woke Tala and shook him harshly, snatching away the blanket,
"Tala! Where's Ryan? He isn't there!" She shouted,
Tala woke up sleepily, bleary eyes, and looked at her in agitation, "What are you even saying?"
"I said Ryan isn't there!" Hilary repeated loudly,
"Are you crazy? Don't you know? Ryan left for Florida just now! I dropped him at airport myself!"
Hilary was stunned and bristled, "Are you serious?"
"You think I'm joking?" Tala shot,
"But he said he is leaving next week! I was with him the last night but he didn't say anything!" Hilary protested through angry tears,
"What can I do about that!" Tala shrugged angrily,
"How can you leave him alone!" Hilary shouted, exasperated.
"He's not alone. Spencer is shifting from Moscow to Florida tomorrow, they will be staying together," Tala snapped.
"No…." Hilary cried almost sobbingly.
She veered up and pulled her coat, grabbed keys of Tala's car and rushed out for airport.
Tala shrugged before falling asleep, giving a smirk. Good luck, Hilary.
Hilary's legs quaked as she speedily dragged her feet downstairs and shifted herself in car. She furiously pulled the gear, lips twisted anxiously. She boldly drove, sobbed the entire way driving the car speedily, revving it every minute. She was driving recklessly to the airport and dialing Ryan's number unstoppably with other hand, which was out of reach.
"Baka!" she squealed, hurling the phone on the passenger seat, her eyes shaking in tears, ready to spill.
"He didn't even had the courtesy to inform me once! Am I so worthless, Ryan!" She whimpered to herself, "How can he leave me simply like that!" She shuddered.
She cried even more and her heart was a mess right now. She was heavy at heart. She skipped the traffic, the cars, everything and even though she hit few cars, she ignored and continued bluntly.
She entered the airport, and parked her car carelessly in front of Departures and trotted inside, searching for Ryan frantically with her tear-stricken face and asking every stranger about Ryan. She ran to the Departure lounge, dragged her feet to the terminal. People was busily flowing in and out, but no one payed heed to her pleas and questions. Feeling bruised and busted with her emotions, she gave up. She sniffled and looked around, calling him once again. No avail and sign. He was gone.
She thumped on the neat marble floor and cried heavily in dismay and despair. Everything seemed blank and dark. She felt vulnerable and helpless. She could hear a plane taking off, the screeching sound fading away.
"Excuse me; can you help me with my cat? She isn't listening." A voice asked. Hilary didn't respond. She wasn't currently herself and the world was numb to her. She wiped her tears though they rained. She tried calling him again but he didn't pick.
"Sir, your phone is ringing," Someone said,
Hilary tried calling again but he didn't pick. She groaned and shivered and slammed her phone furiously and shakily. It snapped into two clean pieces.
She burst in fits of sobs again. She buried her head in her arms on her legs and cried.
"Looking for me?" A voice asked from behind,
Hilary's eyes shot open and she swerved and turned quickly to see the one she has been finding for.
'Ryan.'
He gave a soft, sympathetic, apologizing smile to her. Hilary veered up to stand and her first reaction was a firm slap on his face. Darn it!
He held his firmly slapped cheek with his hand and slightly bent, wincing. He slowly rose and looked at her, befuddled.
"You think you're some super-cool guy who can live on his own!" Hilary yelled at him through fuming tears,
Ryan was silent. "What do you exactly want! What! You want to die again or prove that you're capable! What you want to prove!" Hilary held his shirt on shoulder and shook him violently, "You're nothing! You need me! You need Tala and others! Don't even think of leaving us." Hilary snarled, accosting him.
Ryan was guilty and speechless. His face was down-casted.
"I know you don't love me, I know it! But I never wanted to force you. I wanted you to get well first and get confidence in your life which you are not at all letting me do!" Hilary groaned and harshly left his shoulders. She held her own head in her hands and looked miserable and tragic. "I will not leave you until you're capable enough to at least ride your own car. At least till you're strong enough to kill Nyhan the same way! After that, to your pleasure, I will leave you." She panned at him. She clapped furiously her hands in front of him, "I will myself leave you or better die!" Hilary said imploringly and angrily,
She was quiet, trying to wipe her tears and sniffing the nose fluid.
"I'm sorry," Ryan said looking in her eyes with effort,
Hilary gave a jaded look.
"I am really sorry, Hils," Ryan tried smiling, feeling guilty. Hilary held her head and looked away, feeling her emotions too much to handle.
"Come back home," Hilary demanded,
"I never left home," Ryan said. Hilary looked at him.
"I was here waiting, wishing you'd stop me. I never had any ticket for Florida. I'm glad you want me by your side." Ryan hugged her as soon as those words left his mouth. Hilary gasped, was astonished but she embraced him back with all might though she was annoyed that he fooled her. Nonetheless the moment was so priceless, dousing her fury, that she ignored.
So drive slow when I'm sitting shotgun
Dive slow into new things
There's pain that I've learned a lot from
I'll help you if you help me
"Hilary…" he said softly,
"Hmm?"
"Still hate coffees in morning?" he asked,
She remembered this, "Yeah," she cooed into him, tired and gasping.
"Hilary…" he whispered again,
"Hmm…"
"Coke or Pepsi?"
"Coke," She whispered holding onto him firmer.
"Hilary…" he asked in that slight huskiness.
"Hmm…" she loved hearing him call her name so slow,
"Are summers better than winters?"
"Yeah," she nodded, she never liked winters. They always made her feel damp.
"Hilary…" he rubbed her spine slowly,
"Hm…"
"Is The fault in our Stars still your favorite?"
"Yeah," Hilary nodded with a sad smile.
"Hilary… can we demarcate bonding and relationship…"
"No…"
"Hilary…" he asked again,
"Hmm?" she mumbled, wondering what the new question was,
"I really love you," Ryan confessed, pulling her from his chest and placing an abrupt kiss on her lips. She responded slowly, feeling both exasperated and desired, not bothered at all by the people passing by. She hitched in sobs and pulled back, clutching his arms.
"No you don't," her voice cracked and she hiccuped at the moment.
"You hurt me so much sometimes!" She cried, rubbing her eyes,
"I always did, I'm terrible. But you're not. I choose you, I choose you first, second, I choose you over and over, Hils. Forgive me?" He said her in a heavy voice, filled with implore, guilt and earnest.
"You've taken years to realize this, years! You don't have any idea how much I waited. I'd have never forgiven if you had really left me today," Hilary quaked and she glared at him, that accosting eyes killing him.
"I didn't leave you. I promised. Didn't I?" He asked and held her wrist by stretching his hand.
"You're so bad, Ryan! So bad!" She softly punched him on chest for forgot seconds but hugged him eventually, trying to muffle her cries.
"I thought I would leave you today... but Kai saved that." Ryan mumbled. Hilary pulled back quickly and stared at him.
"How..." she asked,
He took out a small red velvet coated box and showed her. Opening it, there was a propose-ring in it.
"I didn't notice what else it had until the morning," Ryan said, and Hilary's fingers saw a small note tucked in the box's lid.
'Happy Birthday. Propose her already, Ryan. -Kai' The slip read. That was Kai's early birthday present to Ryan that he had given him sometime back.
Hilary couldn't help but feel how changed and generous Kai was, saving her life at many times...bringing Ryan back to her over and over. She was so grateful to him.
"I realized that Kai was right..." Ryan said, taking her fingers in his hand and caressing them, and looking at it, "I would lose you probably if I left you today." He finally looked at her face.
"I love you," he affirmed, "From the depths of my heart," his another hand wiped a running tear from her eye. "Accept this memorial of our new relationship?" He said, implying to the ring.
She nodded earnestly, gulping her happy tears.
He fervently pushed the ring in her ring finger which settled in the folds perfectly. She looked at her pretty fingers and smiled.
"I love you too, Ryan." She said softly and boldly and looked at him serenely.
He bounded her in his arms, and looked at her meaningfully, "Let's go to Florida, together?" She was numb to the voices around her, people around them, the mix of pandemonium making no difference for this priceless moment in which she were enraptured. The planes seem to take off again, revving up with screeching, the clouds scudding through the winds, the sky turning grey-blue, autumn leaves fluttering and blowing away.
"Anytime, for you." She smiled gladly. Not giving a second chance, she grabbed his jaw fiercely, leaning quickly to kiss him back in equal fervor, locking the final moment of their ever-waited first confession.
The End.
(A/N: The Epilogue will be posted soon)