Recursion Error
Episode 70- Writing letters for beginners
They'd started to fall into a sort of routine as time went on. Or at least enough of a regular routine that Sorun stopped noticing whenever Nicole neglected to knock on his front door and instead just teleported into his home, at which point he'd elected to just begin expecting her.
Really, she didn't understand what the issue with knocking was when it was far more efficient to just instantaneously appear into the home of somebody who always welcomed her unconditionally.
But eventually Sorun had stopped flinching in surprise whenever she teleported into his home, and after trading their pleasantries and greetings they'd more often than not wind up in the same place as almost always: sitting on Sorun's couch and facing a TV as they played away at whatever game they'd agreed upon.
Nicole would freely admit she'd used to have a hard time of understanding the games' appeal until after she'd met Sorun. She'd had a passing interest in them when she'd been first introduced to them, of course, but when she was able to completely master them in a single playthrough at a level nobody else could compete with they quickly lost the appeal. In the same vein of thinking she didn't think a puzzle was very interesting if one already solved and figured out the mechanics behind that puzzle. Fun for a time, but not something that could last.
Of course Sorun happened, and he had possessed that uncanny ability to be so good at those games. Enough to challenge her. Enough that he mastered them at relatively the same speed she could. It was enough that, yes, she did enjoy the games, but only with Sorun. With him the games were stimulating. They were fun.
She tore her attention away from the screen briefly and looked down at Sorun's hands. Pale, practiced fingers were flying over the buttons that, to anybody but her, would have looked like a chaotic showing of mashing buttons when it was really a long series of patterns calculated in split-seconds. It still surprised Nicole how deft Sorun was when it came to these, how much thought and skill he put into them. So much effort that she'd think he was playing like his life depended on it, but when she glanced up at his face, it was set in a relaxed, content expression. Happy, even.
Sometimes Nicole wished Sorun put this much effort into chess, but he didn't like that game. Nor was he particularly good at it... But nobody was perfect, and besides, she liked Sorun as he was currently. She liked he put aside the time to play these games with her and conversed with her about whatever she wanted. Like she was a person.
A real, actual person. It was something that still astonished her, how easy and open he'd been with her since the moment they met. From day one he'd treated her like a living being and not an artificial creation. He'd gone out of his way to say as much to her, back in the digital world. His argument that it didn't matter what she was, just who she was, and after some time she'd found herself grateful for saying these words to her.
Nicole replayed that memory frequently. She did that quite often with a lot of her memories of Sorun.
A sound from the TV drew Nicole's attention back towards it. Normally she would have felt the slightest bit of irritation when she saw she'd lost, but at the moment she couldn't find herself to care all that much. She couldn't place why this was, a fleeting, ephemeral feeling she just couldn't quite grasp, but in the end she didn't find herself caring all that much because it was a nice feeling she only ever got around Sorun.
"Um..." Sorun, by contrast, looked a bit confused as he continually blinked at Nicole's way. She realized she'd been staring at his face for some time now, and tilted her head a bit so she faced further towards the screen. Even so, Nicole kept looking at the side at him. "You, kind of just stopped for a moment there," he pointed out.
"Did I? I'm afraid I was a bit distracted with some of my own thoughts," Nicole idly admitted. "You look better."
"Better" was an understatement. Compared to how he'd been weeks prior Sorun had made a phenomenal improvement. He still looked tired all the time, but he wasn't as lethargic and nonresponsive as he was when he first began living in this home. In fact, he'd been getting progressively livelier ever since he'd taken on that position in that cat Mobian's clothing establishment. His sleeping hours were beginning to normalize and he was eating a healthy amount again. And every day he looked just a little bit less sadder and mentioned Earth less and less in their conversations.
It was a sign he was slowly but surely improving, and for that much, Nicole was grateful. Her own distraught feelings over the human and his wellbeing were fading more and more with each day, and in its place was joy at merely being in his presence and him continuing to act with her the way he did.
"Right..." Still looking somewhat confused at the lynx's claim at being distracted, he sat back in the couch and looked towards the screen while setting his controller down. "So, how have you been?"
She looked back towards him. "Sorun, I should be asking you that."
"You know how I am," he argued.
"In that same vein of thinking you know as well as I do there have been no notable events of interest that has arisen. The city is still functioning nominally and the citizens are still peaceful." She could have talked about what had been going on in the Freedom Fighters and their missions, but she'd long since learned that discussing such things brought Sorun stress. She'd decided this information was more harmful than good and endeavored to just never bring it up with him. Fortunately, Sorun never asked or wasn't very curious about what everybody in the Freedom Fighters were doing. "You've been doing well, correct?"
"I mean... I guess," Sorun answered with a half-shrug. "That job Honey gave me has... well, it's been keeping me busy and I'm well-off enough now I don't really have any money worries anymore." He sat back in the couch and ran a hand through his hair. "Everything's been so quiet and meanwhile my life's, I dunno, stable? I'm..." He trailed off, unsure of what to say. "It's..."
"What is it?" Nicole asked, leaning closer to him.
"I don't know. I mean, everything should be fine, right? I have a house to call my own, a job, friends, the whole community here. I don't really have anything to complain about. But something feels... I don't know. Something's missing." He looked over at Nicole, after which Sorun's gaze lingered on her for longer than average. He quickly looked away from Nicole just as she noticed how long he was staring, sighing out and brushing some of his hair over his face. "It's nothing, forget it. What time is it?"
She wanted to ask further about what exactly Sorun felt was missing, but out of concern for worsening his current condition decided against it and answered the question. "It's ten minutes until noon."
"Really? Ah, man." Sorun sighed and began to leave the couch. "I have somewhere to be."
"It was my belief you had the day off from work today," Nicole said as Sorun walked over to the TV to turn it off. "Did something happen?"
"Hm? Ah, no." After shutting the TV and game system off, Sorun turned to face the AI. "The boys decided to go and take me fishing for some reason. I've never really done something like that before, so I figured, you know, why not? Might be neat." He placed his left hand in his pocket and looked to the side. "Maybe if we actually catch something Antoine can make something out of it. Haven't had fish in... yeesh, I can't even remember."
A fishing trip. It wasn't all that surprising to Nicole; Sonic and co. had been rather adamant in trying to involve Sorun with the lives of his friends and other Mobians more, mostly for his own sake, and seeing as where he was at the moment she couldn't say it wasn't working. For that much she was grateful, even if she did catch Sorun complaining about Sonic every now and then and how... enthusiastic he could be sometimes. They were always half-complaints said more out of jest than anything that she found somewhat amusing, and she'd rather have Sorun's mind focused on trivial matters such as that than anything that would cause him grief.
And yet, still, she felt somewhat envious. Confused at the same time- she knew what the act of fishing was, and couldn't completely understand why they were going out of their way to go through the tedium of catching fish when there was already a stock of food readily available in the city. But it was still something new Sorun got to experience without her since her being was confined to the city. And it meant less time with her.
Eventually, Nicole dismissed these thoughts. Diversifying his time with others was good for Sorun's mental state, and he needed to get out more anyways. And if he was going to be with some of the Freedom Fighters while outside the city she didn't need to worry about his safety.
"I see. Well, I hope you enjoy yourself," Nicole said to him.
"Dunno what's so enjoyable about sitting in a boat with two guys for hours, but yeah, I'll try," he assured her. He took a few steps forwards in front of Nicole, stopping in front of her with an unsure look on his face. Nicole gave him a curious look back, while the pale human had darted his eyes away from hers. He reached his hand up, Nicole looking towards it in interest and, oddly, a sense of hopefulness she couldn't quite place began to grow in her as he reached for her.
It was promptly lost completely when Sorun's hand froze halfway, followed by him reeling the hand back, followed by him extending his thumb and pinkie finger and lightly shaking his hand back and forth.
"Er, uh... so yeah. Thanks. Um, for the well wishes and coming to see me and... yeah," Sorun said, voice a bit higher and cracking as he continued shaking his hand with the two digits extended.
Nicole, for her part, remained completely perplexed at the gesture, and it showed on her face with the confused expression her mouth was in and the way one of her eyes were half-lidded at him. In a bizarre turn she decided to silently reciprocate and mimic the gesture Sorun was giving her while still maintaining that perplexed expression. And then Sorun immediately turned away and began walking towards the exit of his house at a much faster rate than she normally recorded him walking at.
Moments after Sorun closed the door behind him, Nicole lowered her hand and began to lightly stroke the sleeping blue and black Chao sleeping in her lap as the AI pondered the meaning behind the strange hand gesture Sorun showed her.
Beyond New Mobotropolis' walled perimeter was a river that was relatively close to the city. "Relatively close" may have been an understatement, actually, as it was really only a five minute walk away from the city to reach the river. It was here that, for reasons beyond Sorun's comprehension, Sonic and Antoine decided to take him fishing.
He didn't know why. He couldn't parse together the rhyme or reason behind barely anything Sonic ever did. All he knew was that they planned an impromptu fishing trip and decided to bring Sorun along. And Sorun, with a lack of much better to do, was a fool and said yes to it.
And so, here he was: sitting in a boat, floating along a river surrounded by natures and trees. Two Mobians sitting near him as they fiddled with their fishing poles. Sorun himself was holding his pole up to his face, looking intensely at the hook at the end of his fishing line and the squirming worm impaled on the hook.
"We're in the true man's world now," Sorun sarcastically thought as he looked at the worm. A sad fate, to be sure. To be skewered on the hook to await being consumed by a fish, which would promptly be caught and consumed by Sorun. Someday he'd die and his body would be food for the worms, and the cycle would continue indefinitely. Such was life.
Well, unless they cremated him. He still didn't know how Mobians handled dead bodies or if there was even a plan to dispose of his upon his termination from existence.
"You already made me put the worm on the hook, Sorun. You seriously need me to throw it in the water for you, too?"
Frowning, Sorun looked up at Sonic, who was sitting ahead of him in the small wooden boat they, and by they Sorun really meant Antoine and Sonic as he'd watched, dragged to the river. He'd already cast his line into the water and was giving Sorun a mocking smirk. In response, Sorun made a "tsk" noise and cast his own line in the opposite direction.
"I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own," Sorun grunted out, scooting closer towards Antoine, who sat right besides him and looked like he was trying very hard to tune out the conversation happening near him.
"'I'm perfectly capable of doing this on my own,' says the guy too squeamish to touch a worm," Sonic said with a roll of his eyes.
"Worms are gross." There was no way he was touching that damn wriggly thing with his bare hands. It came from the ground. He had standards. "Did you really invite me to this fishing trip just to ridicule me, Sonic?"
"No, I thought, 'hey we need a third guy for the fishing trip and Sorun's a great friend who could use a change of pace. Let's invite him,'" Sonic answered. "Why's everything gotta have this dark reason or ulterior motive with you? I invited a friend to go fishing. It ain't that complicated."
At that point, Antoine snapped. "May we now cease discussing ze ultimate locomotives before your incessant babbling scares ze fish!?" he screeched out.
Both Sonic and Sorun stared towards the coyote in surprise at his outburst. Antoine, suddenly looking very bashful at the looks, made a nervous chuckle and started to focus very intensely at the water. "Pardon moi," he shyly muttered out.
After both teens blinked in surprise at him, they proceeded to focus on their respective spots where their hooks were sunk in the water. Silence reigned out for the most part as they sat in silence, just waiting for a passing fish to swim by and take the bait. Droll, uneventful silence that was already beginning to strain Sorun's patience.
Time continued to pass. Time so small in its length it could barely be perceived. Moments. Seconds. For Sorun it felt like he'd been sitting there for eons waiting for a damn fish to bite down on his hook.
Sorun made a quiet sigh. This had to register as some sort of strange, cruel torture. Cruel and unusual punishment. He played fishing minigames in video games. It didn't take nearly this long to catch a fish in 'Red Dead Two'. And he'd been a fishing god in that game, if only for the items it brought. Same for 'FF15'. And the 'NieR' games.
"Aw, fuck, I'm never gonna play that remake of 'NieR' they were making," Sorun suddenly realized. "Damn. I was looking forwards to that. Wonder if it even finished before...? Nah, probably not. God dammit..." More torturous moments passed. "Man, I guess I'll never get to play 'Cyberpunk', either. What a shame. That was shaping up to be the best game of the decade. I wonder if that one came out before Earth got nuked?" Sorun looked up towards the sky. "Bet Dave got to play it if it did. I wonder if it shaped up to be the masterpiece it was advertised as? Probably, right? Of course it is, there's no way- fuck, I just realized Keanu Reeves is dead, too."
Looking past the tragedy of knowing Sorun was the sole human being from his zone left in the entire multiverse left him with the realization there was so much he'd never get to experience ever again. Games, movies, anime and other shows, music, internet in general. It was all massively overshadowed by Sorun's previous life and anybody associated with it being dead along with every single other person asides from himself, but it still held a place in his mind. Like strawberry decorations added onto the cake of sadness that was his life.
A sudden tug on Sorun's pole tore these depressing thoughts away from him. Gripping the pole tightly, the teen pulled it up while also rapidly winding the reel attached to his pole. There was resistance, but surprisingly not as much as Sorun would think there would be. He continued to reel his catch in, both Antoine and Sonic peeking over his shoulder as the hook rose up out of the water- it was a weed, goddamn it.
"Pfft. Nice catch," Sonic snickered out, eyes affixed to the tangle of green weeds hanging off Sorun's hook. The human didn't look nearly as amused as the hedgehog, and with a barely suppressed growl he tore the weeds off his hook and chucked it back into the river. Miraculously, the worm was still hooked onto the hook. "Do me a favor and see if you can catch a salad next for us."
Breathing in deeply, Sorun tried his best to ignore Sonic's jab and threw his line back into the water. Both Sonic and Antoine went back to their own respective lines as well, though by now Sorun couldn't focus on his line. Sonic's words were still burning at Sorun's ego, and when he looked over his shoulder at the blue Mobian's spiny back, he felt a sudden urge to kick him into the river.
Naturally he tapped on Antoine's shoulder to gain his attention so he might be assisted in this endeavor.
Humming, Antoine looked to the side at Sorun. The human was currently nodding his head towards Sonic, though, based on the confusion the blonde Mobian held, it was clear he didn't know what Sorun was trying to say. Frowning, Sorun turned around halfway and made a kicking gesture towards Sonic while also pointing to the river with his free hand that wasn't holding the pole. Catching his meaning more easily now, Antoine widened his eyes and then profusely began to shake his head.
With him now being confused, Sorun gave Antoine a questioning look. Antoine made a show of using his arms to make a swimming gesture, and then pointed to Sonic. Afterwards, he made a face that looked like it was drowning while also holding his throat with his free hand. It took a few seconds for Sorun to catch the meaning of what he just witnessed, but after he did, he burst out in laughter startling both Mobians.
"Ha! You can't swim!?" Sorun exclaimed. "Seriously!?"
Sonic's shoulders began to shake as his two-handed grip on his fishing pole tightened, all but confirming the assessment for Sorun. As a result, he laughed even harder, causing Sonic to sigh out and hang his head. "Mr. Sonic T. Hedgehog, hero to all on Mobius, can't swim? For real?"
"Oh, and you're such an expert on swimming?" Sonic shot back, voice irritated as he looked over his shoulder at Sorun. He looked genuinely offended, and then surprised when Sorun nodded at him.
"Of course I can swim," Sorun stated with a blank face.
"What!?" Sonic shouted out. "How!? When!? You said you grew up in a city!"
"It's called a community swimming pool, dude," Sorun explained in a flat tone. "Also, pro life tip, never go to a community swimming pool. Like, ever. Place is nasty. And anyways, how do you not know how to swim? It's the easiest thing in the world."
It'd been easy for Sorun to learn, at least. All he'd done was jump in the water and kept doing stuff until he stopped drowning. From what he heard it was a pretty effective way of teaching kids to swim. He was honestly shocked Sonic didn't know how to swim since he was such a nature-loving person. And then double surprised when he realized that swimming likely should have been a standard skill for a Freedom Fighter to have.
For pete's sake, they made Sorun learn how to climb a tree when he was starting out, but swimming was optional apparently?
"Look, me and water don't have the friendliest of relationships, alright?" Sonic snapped his head over his shoulder to glare over in Sorun's direction, though from the amused look Sorun held it wasn't that effective. "I don't see why I need to know how to swim when I'm fast enough to just run over it."
"Yeah, but what if I just kick you in the water? Then what'll you do?"
"..." Sonic's eyes narrowed at Sorun. "You wouldn't dare."
"I'm still debating it." After saying his piece, Sorun turned around to face towards the water where his line was. "Are you guys sure there's even fish in this river?"
Sonic's eyes lingered on Sorun's back for a few moments after he turned back around. He made a unsettled hum, and then turned to his own side of the river. "It's a river. Fish live in rivers. There's totally fish here," he reasoned.
"... But you did check, right?"
"Sorun, it's a river, we don't need to check."
"Oui, zis iz ze same river Rotor and some of ze other Mobians in ze city go to catch fish for zemselves," Antoine added. "Zey 'ave a net set up and everyzing."
"Yeah, see, it's fine- wait." Sonic cut himself off and looked back at Antoine. "We put the boat upstream of the net, right?"
A few moments passed. Antoine shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Hm?"
"I asked if we put the boat upstream of the net. We did, right?"
"Hm."
"Ant, that's... that's not an answer."
"It is to me," Sorun sighed out, shoulder and head dropping as his grip on the fishing pole went slack. "Antoine, if you're gonna sit there and tell us we're wasting our time when there's nothing-"
"Zey only put ze net up on certain days and zis iz not one of zem!" Antoine shouted out. "You both truly zink zis little of moi!? Zat I wouldn't check!?"
"Alright, geez, chill. We trust ya." Sonic exhaled through his nose and turned back to the water, the other two doing the same. "Maybe it's just a slow day. It's getting close to winter."
"I'm... not sure that's how fish work, but sure," Sorun agreed. Any excuse to explain away why they were all such poor fishermen.
More silence reigned for an ungodly amount of minutes. Once in a while Sorun's line would tug, but he'd been advised by Sonic that it was just the current moving it or the hook getting caught on a weed or something and that he'd know if a fish really started biting down on it. He took his word for it, if only because he sounded as impatient and tired as Sorun felt right now. It was bad enough that Sorun was deciding if they should head back after one of them caught a single fish. He couldn't handle hours of this monotony.
Because that's all it was. Tedium. More and more tedium as the minutes stretched into tens of minutes. Maybe even a half hour had passed by now, much to Sorun's horror. And yet, somehow through this torment, whenever he glanced over to the side at Antoine the coyote seemed completely content with everything that was happening. Peaceful, even. How this was Sorun didn't have the faintest idea.
It kind of reminded Sorun of himself in a way, back in the day when he'd been grinding away in 'Warframe' or 'FF14' or some other MMO he'd play back then. Lulled into a dull, peaceful calm. He could admit he could see the appeal in the ability for one to shut their brain off for a while as they committed to a mindless task as a way of relaxing, Sorun was guilty of doing that himself as he ground away in games, but this wasn't the same thing and he didn't see how Antoine managed to reach that state when he was restless in his seat. It couldn't be a Mobian thing, either, because Sorun could practically feel Sonic fidgeting away in the seat behind him.
Maybe it was just a Antoine thing.
"You guys hear that Aly's taking in requests in the newspaper again?" Sonic asked, breaking the unbearable silence that'd been permeating the entire boat.
Antoine made a frustrated sigh. "Oui, my wife iz an avid readair of ze column, but now iz not ze time to be discussing-"
"Forget that, discussion's all we got at this point," Sorun interrupted, desperate to have something happen to break up the monotony. "Who's Aly and why should I care about her existence?"
"Eh, nobody really knows who she is. Kinda doubt Aly's even her real name," Sonic said. "All these girls with romance problems send these letters to her in the post office and she somehow gets the newspaper to print her responses in this column. Love and Loss or something like that, prints every Wednesday. And they always use these really flowery and geeky pseudonym names so nobody knows who they are."
"She... runs a romance tabloid...?" Sorun asked in a mixture of shock and disbelief.
A tired, annoyed sigh left Antoine. "I hear eet iz quite popular weeth less fortunate mademoiselles who cannot unravel ze mystery of love. Zey'll write to zis mystery woman telling of zeir woes, and zis Al-y person will write back in ze newspaper responding to ze letters and offering her advice." He shook his head. "Feools, ze lot of zem."
"... Wait," Sonic began, "didn't Bunnie once-?"
"Zat was different, she was dealing weeth ze other me at ze time!"
Rolling his eyes, Sonic continued with, "Yeah, well, according to every girl I know it's gold advice." He blew out a scoff and turned back to the water. "Yeah, right. I'll never understand girls and why they do these weird things, man. Sounds like it'd be way simpler to just talk to whoever they like instead running around in circles writing letters to some mystery newspaper lady."
"Er... right." Sorun contemplatively tapped at his fishing pole in thought. "I've never heard of her before."
Sonic shrugged. "Eh, she stopped writing months and months ago. I always figured it was because there could have only been so many women with relationship issues in Knothole, but now that we're in the new city and everything's calmed down I guess she started getting requests again, 'cause I saw her responding to more letters in dad's newspaper last week."
"It's just girls that write to her?"
"I mean, traditionally, yeah, but everybody uses fake names so I guess it wouldn't really matter if a guy did it," Sonic said. "Don't think I know any self-respecting guy that'd go that far, though."
"... What's the tabloid called again exactly?"
"It's called Love and Loss, I think you just write a letter addressed to her name and drop it off at the post-" Sonic suddenly cut himself off, and then, slowly, turned around at Sorun. Sorun, meanwhile, had gone completely still and continued staring at the water. "Why do you want to know?" Sonic asked, sounding suspicious.
A nervous sweat broke out on Sorun's face. "I'm curious, man, conversation topic, we need to talk about something because it's almost been a half hour and not one of us has gotten a single bite out here."
"Ah-huh." Sorun didn't like the smug sound in the hedgehog's voice. "Right. Of cooourse. Because you're so known to be an eager reader of the newspaper."
"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm considering getting a newspaper subscription." He pretty much had to now for research purposes, among other reasons. "I just wanna know what I'm getting into."
When he glanced over his shoulder, Sorun internally winced when he saw that smirk on Sonic's face. That knowing smirk. The urge to kick him into the river was rapidly increasing, and he felt his right foot begin to itch.
"I dunno," Sonic began, "sounds a lot like you might actually be interested in- wah!"
The urge won out. Sorun spun around and kicked Sonic in the small of his back. The hedgehog yelled out in surprise and tipped forwards right into the water, dropping his fishing pole and leaving it in the boat. Not even a second later Sonic popper up out of the water, flailing around with a horrified expression as he reached a hand up to the sky.
"Help! Help, I- urk, hrk!" Some water had flooded into Sonic's mouth while he cried out for help, making his flailing increase. "Heeeelp!"
Antoine looked on towards the struggling hedgehog in alarm. Sorun had a much more calm and neutral expression as he continued fishing on his side of the boat. "Sorun, mon dieu! What have you done!?" he screamed out. "He could drown!"
Not looking concerned in the slightest, Sorun leaned over the boat a bit to look into the water. "Yeah, in that perilous waist-deep water," he dryly remarked. He wasn't cold enough to play on somebody inability to swim to actually put them in danger. He wasn't above it when they could just stand up and walk out of the river. Especially when Sonic wouldn't shut up about the stupid newspaper article.
It was all his fault, really.
"Hm? Oh, hey! Finally!" Easily ignoring Sonic's panicked screaming behind him, Sorun began reeling his fishing pole when he felt the line begin to sharply tug. "Oh-ho, that's it, come to... man, really?"
Well, it was definitely a fish he'd pulled up. It wasn't any bigger than his finger and the worm he was using as bait didn't even fit inside its mouth, but it was still a catch. Even if Sorun was mentally debating with himself whether this was better than zero.
With more disappointment on his face than he'd felt in a while, Sorun held up what could barely be called a fish up to Antoine's face. "You think you can make something out of this?" he asked over the screaming near them. The unimpressed look Antoine gave him back said enough. "Yeah, thought not," Sorun sighed out, unhooking the fish and tossing it back into the river.
"Are you not going to help Soneek up?" Antoine asked him.
"..." Sorun looked over to Sonic. He was still flailing around in the water. "Let's give it, like, five more minutes and if he hasn't realized he can just stand up by then we'll lend a hand."
"... Fair enough."
The next day
The greatest challenge in his life laid before Sorun. One man. One singular piece of paper. A pen he'd stolen from Honey's front desk. All gathered in what was effectively his workspace inside of her shop, e.g. the room full of boxes he'd painstakingly organized so that it was neat and orderly. Here he sat, at a table in the dead-center of the room, the overhead lights beating down on him and reflecting off the yellow wallpaper as he stared at the blank piece of paper staring him in the face, pen in hand.
It was time to write a goddamn letter.
"I'm gonna write the shit out of you." Breathing in deeply, Sorun held the pen up to the sky and thrust its tip down towards the blank page. The tip of the pen neared the paper, the ink almost close enough to stain the white material-
Breathing in deeply, Sorun tore the pen away from the paper before it could make a mark. His heart was racing. Stupid. This was a stupid decision. Why had he decided to do this?
"Right. Because of her," Sorun thought out. He went slack in his chair, slamming the pen down on the table as he stared forlornly at the blank paper staring back at him. It was almost like it was mocking him. "Nicole..."
There'd been a time that had stretched on for months where he'd try to deny these feelings on account of him literally dying and wanting to save both himself and her from any ensuing heartbreak that would result from pursuing these feelings. He came back, of course, and a small part of himself went far enough to debate on the merits of staying behind just for her.
He'd manage to convince himself that it was probably a foolish idea to stay behind in a world not his for a girl that potentially didn't even like him back.
But that was the crux of the issue. He was here to stay now with Earth gone. Here to stay with her. And while his heart was still heavy with the loss of his home, due to everybody's efforts that weight had been significantly lessened, and the void in his heart made room for these feelings to return. It didn't help how supportive Nicole had been of him all this time. Spending so much time with him, the talks, the house, she'd given him a house of all things, sometimes it was just too much. Any reservations he had over what she was were squashed under all the feelings he felt.
But then the paranoid side of his took over. What if she wasn't interested in a relationship with him? What if she didn't want that kind of thing with anybody? What if she rejected him and he ended up ruining their friendship by asking one single thing? She was his best friend; he didn't want to jeopardize that. But on the other hand Sorun was slowly growing less and less satisfied with what they had right now. He wanted... he wanted something, he wasn't sure what. More of her, he guessed. Something deeper between them.
"Hell, I don't know what I'm thinking. I've never been in a relationship. I don't... what am I doing?" Sorun wondered to himself. "I-I-I don't know her feelings on this. Should I ask her? No, impossible. Nicole can't know. Unless...? No. Absolutely not." He sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "What do I do?"
Sonic inadvertently informing him about this Aly love tabloid person was what jumpstarted this whole thing. They'd been thoughts Sorun had been wrestling with for weeks now, and it seemed like a golden opportunity had presented itself to him. Air out all his questions and worries to a completely anonymous source under a false identity? Why, that amount of complexity was just perfect for him. But he didn't know what to write. Or if he should even go through with it. What the potential consequences were.
What if somebody found out? God, what if Nicole found out? He'd have to move. Go live somewhere else forever. He'd never be able to face her again.
"... Screw it. It's something as opposed to doing nothing. And nobody could ever find out." Breathing in and out, very, very deeply, Sorun touched the pen down on the paper. "Alright. Alright, there's nothing to it. I'll just... I'll go for it, and at the end if it turns out this is a horrible idea I'll just burn the letter. Yeah. Yeah, that's a great idea. 'Dear A-'"
"Whatcha doin'?"
A shrill shriek left Sorun as he twisted his body to the side. He saw Honey leaning over his chair, hands tucked behind her back with an inquisitive look on her face. Sorun almost reacted by jabbing the pen he held towards her nearest eye, but managed to hold the urge off and release a calming breath.
Doing his best to focus and act natural, Sorun faced Honey with the straightest face he could muster. "Nothing. Nothing at all. What are you doing?"
"Checking on you...?" The cat took a quick glance around the room. "You got that delivery from the post office I asked for, right?"
"I left it by the front counter."
"... Oh, that's what that was." She blinked and looked back to Sorun. "So what are you doing now?"
"Nothing, seeing as I already packed all the things you asked me to pack for today and dropped them off at the post office for shipping. And got that thing you asked for." Sorun dragged his chair a bit forwards towards the table and slightly leaned his body across it to block Honey's view when she looked closer at the table's surface. "I'm not doing anything."
"Thennnn what's that?"
"... A table."
"My table. Move it." A hand was placed on the side of Sorun's head and was used to forcible push him away. Sorun hissed out in protest and attempted to swat at Honey, though this went ignored by the cat as she looked down at the letter Sorun had barely started. "You're... writing a letter?" She released her hold on Sorun and glanced towards him, with the human sending her a heated glare. "Who's A?"
The anger in Sorun's eyes slowly began to turn nervous as he just began to realize how deep he was in it now. "A... ntoine. Yeah. Him."
"That guy with the goofy blonde haircut with the weird accent?"
"Mmhm, yeah, totally, we got a pen pal thing going on," Sorun lied. "He's actually a really good cook. He trades me recipes and I trade him..." He trailed off, not being able to think of anything he'd have of worth that Antoine would actually want. "... Stuff, yeah, point is we trade letters."
Honey didn't look convinced in the slightest. "Didn't you say once it's only a two minute walk from your house to his?"
"Bit less, actually," Sorun admitted, then went rigid when Honey gave him an accusing glare. "It was his wife's idea?"
"Uh-huh." Looking back at the letter, Honey stuck her tongue out from her mouth as she gave the paper a scrutinizing look, with Sorun growing increasingly nervous from besides her. It was only after a few moments of staring at the letter did Honey's form go completely straight as the realization hit her. "Noooo..." She whispered in awe as looked back towards Sorun.
"Shut up."
"I don't believe it."
"Shut up shut up shut up...!"
"You're writing a letter to her!?" And now she was laughing. Cackling, really, hard enough that she'd thrown her head back in her mirth. Sorun, past all the embarrassment he was feeling, was contemplating stabbing her with the pen he was still holding. The pen he was fairly certain he was crushing in his grip. "Sorun, you nerd! Only girls write to Aly! It's a girl tabloid! For girls!"
"I was gonna use neutral pronouns so nobody knew a guy writ it!" Sorun yelled out. "Why does it even matter anyways!?"
She didn't answer him, instead choosing to continue laughing. This left Sorun stewing in his seat as he stared at the cackling cat, having slammed his pen down on the table as he angrily crossed his arms and waited for her to finish laughing at him.
It was a good five minutes before she finally calmed down. Sorun stared at Honey the entire duration, burning in anger and embarrassment. Eventually she lowered her head back down from the ceiling with a sigh while wiping a tear away from her eye. "Ahahah... ahhh. Oh, Sorun. Sweet, sweet Sorun."
"If you're done laughing at me can you leave me alone?" Sorun bitterly ground out, elbow propped on the table with his head resting on the fist. "I don't make fun of your life."
"That's because there's nothing to make fun of. Unlike everybody else I'm perfect." She turned around just in time to miss Sorun sputtering at her in outrage. "Ah, I just can't believe it," she continued, putting her hands on her cheeks. "I always kinda pegged you as the clueless romantic but I never imagined you'd go to these kinds of lengths. It's so sad yet precious at the same time." She pulled up a nearby chair and sat in it backwards, arms folded over the top of its back as she grinned towards Sorun. "So who's lucky girl, mmm? I bet it's the computer girl."
Sorun's breath choked in his throat when Honey guessed correctly. He even felt a bit of fear begin to build. "H-how-?"
"Oh, Amy gossips about you two all the time. She figured out you had a thing for her all the way back when you kept bugging her for that Power Ring to take her to the concert Mina was having."
"I'll stab her." The worst part was he actually remembered a lot from that day, and how the two of them had been tittering away at Sorun while all those bags he'd been carrying for Amy tried to crush him to death. He couldn't believe Amy came to that conclusion, let alone gossiped about it. "She seriously talks about me behind my back?"
"She talks about a lot of people. She's a regular of mine and we're into a lot of the same things, so we talk a lot," Honey answered. "But yeah, she mentions you a lot."
A horrifying thought struck Sorun. "... She hasn't told anyone else about this, has she?"
"I'unno." Honey shrugged. "I mean, probably not. Not with the guys at least."
"I take it back, I'm gonna drop a building down on her one day. This I swear." A growing migraine forced Sorun to reach up and massage his forehead. "Honey, this is really private for me, so can you just leave it alone?" He glanced to the side at the letter. "Fact is I don't know what I'm doing so I need advice, and if Amy figured it out then I literally can't go to anyone about this without them putting the pieces together. I'm kinda strapped for options."
Honey gave him a lame look. "Or you could just ask me."
Sorun mirrored her expression. "You ever even been in a relationship, woman?"
Thinking the question over, Honey looked up while touching a finger to her chin. "Not really. No guy's ever asked me out for some reason," she said, causing him to sigh out. "But clothes have always been my passion, so I'm not too broken up about it."
"A match made in heaven, I'm sure," Sorun dryly remarked. "Look," he continued, picking up the nearly blank letter, "why do you even care?"
"Because I care about you and this is the most exciting thing happening right now," she easily answered. "I know I'm not an expert on the subject, but here's a great idea: talk to her about this."
"Ha ha, no." Shaking his head, Sorun turned around to face the table and picked the pen up. "I... I have reasons, okay? I would, but..." A deep frown settled over Sorun's features as he began tapping the pen on the table. "I'm just trying to cover all my bases here," he settled on. "Wanna get as much info as possible, maybe wait it out a bit more to see what happens. Don't wanna screw something up."
"Sounds like you're just stalling to me."
"Says the woman married to shirts." Sorun waved his hands over his shoulder. "Don't you have a blouse to go make or something? Let me suffer in peace already."
Pouting, Honey stood up from the chair. "It's raiment for a fancy dance a client of mine is going to," she corrected him as she pushed the chair in. "I can tell this is actually stressing you out, so I'll leave you alone. And... for the record I actually do know a couple girls who say Aly's advice did help save their relationships. So it's not the worst idea in the world, this whole thing." She gestured to the table, and at the same time Sorun's ears perked up. "I still think it's hilarious you're going this far, though."
"..." Sorun said nothing, and instead began writing out words on the paper. Rolling her eyes to the ceiling and shaking her head, Honey turned to leave.
"And put that pen back when you're done," she called over her shoulder as she left the room. Sorun watched her leave out of the corner of his eye, scoffing once she left his sight completely and then turned back to the letter.
The next two hours were filled with the sounds of small scratching noises and a light amount of curses as he worked to compile what was most definitely the most awkward letter in Sorun's whole life. Which just so happened to also be the only letter he'd ever written.
The next day
There'd never been a point in Sorun's life he'd ever posted a letter. Mostly on the account he didn't know anybody that lived far enough away from him to warrant sending mail during his life on Earth. He never imagined it'd be this stress-inducing, though.
Bright side it wasn't a love letter he was sending through the mail. Downside was, well, it wasn't very far from one.
"Come on, man, snap out of it. This ain't a love letter. Love has nothing to do with any of this. This is..." Sorun looked down at the sealed envelope in his hand, and then up at the post office in front of him. "... It's..."
"Love letter, plea for romantic advice, it's kind of the same thing at the end of the day, ain't it?"
"Not even remotely." Frowning, Sorun turned to the mirror image of himself leaning next to the entrance to the post office. "This is foolish. I'm not going through with it."
"Aw, come on, don't puss out now. I had to watch you put this thing together for hours." Sorun pushed off the wall and slinked to Sorun's side. "Look, homie, it's simple." He draped one arm over Sorun's shoulder and gestured to the post office with the other. "Ya go in, ya mail the thing, we go get a newspaper subscription later 'cause we really need to do that at some point, we read the article when it comes out Wednesday and after that, hey, who knows?"
Sorun batted Sorun's arm off of him. "I thought you were opposed to a relationship with someone here," he thought.
"No, I was opposed to staying here for a potential relationship, but seeing as we're stuck here forever with fuck all to do I don't care what we do anymore." Sorun turned away from Sorun and interlocked his fingers behind his head. "Just do it, dude. I'm tired of us fumbling around when you're around her."
"I have time."
"We have nothing but time. My plan is for us to be a mailman for forty years until you die with nothing to do in the meantime, so for Christ's sake post the goddamn letter already." Sorun looked back at Sorun. "You know you wanna. Honey's right. You're stallin'."
"..." Sighing, Sorun looked down at the letter. "I'm just scared." Scared of making a terrible mistake he couldn't fix. Scared of the unknown. Scared of doing this when he had no idea what he was doing or if this was even the right thing to do. Too much of not knowing anything and too scared to do so much as take a step forwards to fix any of it.
Hanging his shoulders, Sorun turned to face Sorun. "I know, I'm scared about this, too, but compared to living through the days wondering if we were gonna get a lance skewered through our face by a robot I find this a hell of a lot better. I want this too, you know?"
"Mh..."
"Just man the fuck up and post the letter already."
"Tch." When Sorun looked back up, Sorun was gone. All that was left was the post office in front of him. "I am a man. A man about to write to a girls' column in the newspaper... yeah..."
Hanging his head and resigning to his fate, Sorun made his way to the post office. One microstep at a time.
Dear Aly,
Well, here I am, writing this thing out. I didn't know how to start this out and spent twenty minutes staring at a blank page before I decided to just go for it. So here I am. Going for it. I've never really done anything like this before, so you'll have to forgive me if this is a little, I dunno, odd? Unconventional? Unorthodox? That's pretty much how everybody treats me anyways, so I wouldn't even be surprised at this point if this is how the letter's perceived, so... yeah, just bear that in mind.
Romance was never really a thing that ever popped up in my life. No one wanted me, I didn't want anybody. Life was simple. I didn't care enough to even think about it. But then is happened and now everything's all backwards and I don't know what I'm doing. But I should probably start from the beginning, give the context to this whole thing. That whole jazz.
I'm not from New Mobotropolis, or Knothole, was never really a native anywhere. For lack of any better way to put it I was separated from my home and was forced to relocate here. All I remember from those early days was being in a constant haze of confusion and fear around everything. Unfamiliar surroundings, unfamiliar people, felt like I was in a nightmare every day. I was lashing out at everyone around me because I hated every second there. I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
But then I meet this one person, and they're... they're different from everyone else. In more than one way, but I never paid any mind to that. I actually found it kind of cool, actually, but that's besides the point. We shared a hobby, which was more of something in common than I had in with literally anybody else around me. It felt like a connection, you know? Like I could sit down and hang out with this one person doing the one thing in the world I'm good at that I enjoy doing, and in those moments everything felt fine, and I felt normal, like I was back home. This friend of mine had some personal issues, though, and because of that there wasn't a lot of times we could hang out, but we tried to make do with the time we had.
Then... I find out I'm dying. Terrible sickness that's entirely incurable. I didn't even know how much time I had left at the time, chalked it up to months, probably, and my reaction was about what you'd expect. Denial, grief, enough anxiety I'm honestly surprised I didn't die of a heart attack at some point, you probably get how it is. I think I acted poorly as a result of it all. There was a time I ran away for a bit as I tried to come to terms to all of it, and when I came back it didn't get any better. There were people that tried supporting me, but for reasons that are my own I never actually told anybody what was happening to me, so when all these people start acting nice and caring around me it just felt patronizing. It wasn't anyone's fault, I get it, they were all just trying to help, but it was still a bad time for me. I just became apathetic to everything. Withdrawn. Distant, going through the motions towards the inevitable. It felt like I was completely isolated from the whole world.
Except for that one person. The one true, actual friend I had in the whole world, who I was only able to get together with for a few minutes, maybe some hours if I was lucky, or sometimes not at all some days, to make it all go away for just a little bit. Looking back I probably clung onto them a bit too much for the support they were unknowingly giving me, which eventually became part of the problem. I was dying and didn't wanna leave behind holes in anybody's hearts, so there was a moment where I tried distancing myself from my friend. Hoped they'd just forget about me so when I died they'd just move on with minimal damage to them. Figured it was the last kindness I could provide with my impending doom on the horizon.
Yeah, that didn't work. They got mad at me for avoiding them and I... well, to put it honestly I missed them too much to go through with it. So I bite the bullet and decide to just go for it and continue going along with it all 'til the moment I died. I felt bad, more for them than for me, oddly enough, but it's all I could do.
Well, the time comes, and guess what? I don't die. To say I was cured of this disease would be wrong; "survived" would be a more accurate term. Point is I'm not dying anymore, so yay for that. It's around the same time that Knothole got blown up and that cool Sorun guy saved everyone and Nicole made the new city for everyone and everything, so yeah. All's good. Those problems my friend was having were cleared up around the same time, too, so suddenly they can go do whatever they want because they had a lot more freedom to work with now. So overall everything's great. I had a, uh... kind of an adjustment period to work with, but I managed to get through it. And during all that time when I was dying I did manage get closer with those trying to befriend me, if only because going it alone kinda sucks.
I find out later on that my home is gone. Blown up, burned to cinders, Eggmanned or something, I dunno. Everyone there was gone and I was the last one left. This left me in another depressive mood for a bit, and I made some stupid decisions in my grief, but hey, who hasn't? But I had my friends. And that one specific, special friend. Things weren't easy, still aren't, but it's getting better. It's working out.
So where does that leave me? Healthy new life in a new city, new home, new job, a community of supporting friends and a bright future ahead of me. By all rights everything should be golden. And it is. But there's a problem.
I don't know, it just feels like something's missing from my life. And I look at my friend, my one best friend that's been there with me to support me every single day since the whole my-home-got-blown-up thing, and how I feel whenever they're around and the fact that I kinda wish they'd stick around more than they already do. It feels selfish because they've done more to help me than I'd ever be able to repay in a hundred lives over, but a large part of me wants more than what we have currently. I can't explain why, I just... it's what I want.
But then I look at them, and I look at myself. There's my best friend: smartest person I know, infinitely more talented than I'll ever be, stronger in every capacity imaginable. Kinder and more generous than me by a large margin. In terms of looks, er... look, I don't mean to sound offensive, but I've always been "different" than everyone else around me and if you asked me if I'd date anybody else I'd say no, but my friend's special in that their looks don't even register with me, and I don't know why. What I'm trying to say is they're perfect. And then there's me: a talentless hack. Kind of a jerk. Don't really have much going for me besides a sense of dry sarcasm that kinda gets on everyone's nerves.
I'm not good enough for them, plain and simple. But I want to go for it all the same. But I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I should just go for it because I don't want to mess something up and ruin what we already have between us, I don't know what I'm supposed to do even if we do agree to something, I don't... I'm not romantic, okay? I don't have experience with this, I don't even know if you could call this romance. It's a giant mess is what it is and I'm tired of pretending it's anything else. And I'm also tired of ignoring my feelings. But I'm too scared to act on them.
Thus is the tale of why I wrote this letter to you. I'm sorry if it's a bit longer than most letters you get; admittedly I just heard about you the other day and decided to just go for it because I don't have many options at the moment. So if I could just get some advice, please? Just a smidgen of wisdom on what I'm supposed to do here? I'm completely lost here.
Yours,
Xx_1337G4m3r_xX
"..." Slowly, the letter held in her hands was slowly set down on the desk in front of her. Blue eyes continued to stare at the paper, after which a tiring sigh left their owner.
Under any other circumstances Sally would have put a lot of thought into the letter she'd just read. That was the whole purpose of the service she'd set up, after all. But there was one particular reason she couldn't put her sole focus on that letter, and that was that there was a second letter sitting right next to that one.
Normally this wouldn't have made that much of a difference - she got through all letters sent to her - but there were certain peculiarities that caught her attention when she saw this letter arrive with the second one. Mainly it looked like it was printed as opposed to the handwritten letters she always received. The letters were too uniform to be anything but typed and printed and the paper was neat. And as it was she didn't know many people with a working printer.
"I swear, if this is the reason why Nicole asked me if I was still doing the Dear Aly thing the other day..." Sally thought to herself as she picked up the letter and began reading.
Dear Aly,
Greetings. I am writing to you in hopes of gaining insight into a matter that has proven to be particularly elusive for me.
The prospect of emotions has always been a peculiar case for me. To put it simply, due to certain factors outside of my control I was somewhat stunted in my intellectual understanding of the subject. I've many friends who I've lived alongside for years now that have helped me to understand just what it all means, and one friend in particular has been of great help to me in many areas. Him specifically is the reason I find myself writing this letter.
I'm not so uninformed as to not understand the concept of love; I'm not some gormless machine. I hold great fondness for all those that live around me in the city, and I truly do hold love for the friends that have stood by me all these years. It took much effort on my part to understand just what these feelings meant exactly, but I'm glad I've made the effort.
Strictly speaking, however, this is a platonic love I hold for those around me. It's romantic love I find myself being inadequate in understanding.
Of course I've seen numerous examples from couples in the city, and even a close friend of mine has a spouse. I understand the function of a pairing - the propagation of offspring and continuation of genetic material of the parents -, but it's the emotional aspect of the act that always fascinated me. Though, try as I might, I could never understand it. How two individuals could be drawn so close together as to pledge so much trust in one another and live so closely and intimately. I didn't know if there was a criteria to follow or if there was some natural, instinctive drive that I just lacked for one reason or another. I tried analyzing those around me and how they came about pairing off with others, but these results were... inconclusive, and sporadic, and so chaotic I had to wonder if I'd done something wrong.
But then there's him.
As you can probably imagine the aforementioned circumstances surrounding the reason for my stunted education of emotions has caused some to look at me oddly. This isn't usually the case with many, and I'm fortunate enough that my friends accept me for who I am regardless of such things. Even so, I'm aware there is some unconscious bias among them, though I cannot fault them for this.
There is, however, an exception in the case of one of my friends. A very dear friend of mine. That is not to say the rest of my friends do not treat me as an equal or a person, but he is special. From the very first moment we met he treated me normally, and on occasion has been very vocal on the subject to me, for which I've been thankful for. Beyond that we share many likes and enjoy each others' company. Enough that I've found myself spending more time with him than anyone else and have been longing to spend longer with him. As much as he'll deny it he's a kind and considerate individual who often puts others before himself. Sometimes to a worrying degree, though fortunately he's lately been slowing down and taking things easy, which I've been grateful for.
He's also prone to making... very questionable decisions and is, on occasion, a source of consternation for me and many of my friends, though like me he is the victim of irregular circumstances and I can often overlook a majority of his shortcomings and bad decisions. I've often been told by one of my friends that somebody whose flaws are very evident is more trustworthy than someone seemingly without flaws, so I suppose, in this respect, my friend being this way is a fortunate thing.
Ironically, despite the fact I've known him the shortest time compared to all my other friends, I find myself longing for his company more than any of the others'. He goes very far out of his way for my sake, another endearing aspect of his, and I usually do the same for him despite the fact he doesn't expect me to. I'd once thought that us being somewhat "irregular", as it is, amongst all of our peers and friends was what originally drew us together, but his continued companionship and acts of kindness towards me, an affection he does not display towards anybody else, has caused me to develop feelings towards him I hold towards no one else, even those I hold dearest to me.
I... adore him. Sincerely. I cannot explain why, as try as I might these are feelings I cannot find myself comprehending. It's a vexatious thing, not knowing why I feel these things or how to properly describe and process them, but I simply do. He's always been there to help me experience life as it's meant to be lived since we've met. It's because of all this I desire to attempt to pursue what would be called a romantic relationship between us.
Therein lies the problem, as I've no practical experience in undertaking such a task. As much as I've tried to correlate the causes of others starting successful relationship, the why of it all still eludes me. More than that I've personally had a friend of mine as dear as the one I've mention suffer through a very traumatic breakup of their own. I do not wish the same to become of us, but do not know how to avoid such a thing. I do not know how to initiate this sort of relationship, or even if he possesses the same feelings that I do. I worry of possible negative repercussions that would result of me simply asking, but am at a loss for what else to do.
Another issue is that I simply don't know if now would be the ideal time to attempt such a thing. My friend as recently suffered through many personal tragedies in his life and is in a vulnerable state at the moment. He's improved by a substantial margin over time and has been doing well enough for the most part currently, though I cannot say for certain if he has made a full recovery. I've tried to be there for his sake, and I believe my presence did, in fact, aid his recovery, but I do not want to rush into something during a time where he might not be ready. I do not even know if I am ready.
As such, I require your input on the matter due to you being very prominent in this field. Do I be blunt and confront him directly? Should I wait until I am more certain? Should something be done to subtly hint towards him that I desire a relationship, or would that be too underhanded of me? These are all questions I cannot answer for myself, and so I plead you to give me whatever advice you see fit. Thank you in advance for your time in aiding me with this.
Signed,
01001110 01101001 01100011 01101111 01101100 01100101
"These names..." Looking between the two letters, each in one of Sally's hands, the chipmunk found herself making a flat, unimpressed expression at the two pieces of paper. "Sorun, I'm not surprised. I expected better from Nicole." She breathed out and put the papers back down. "What to do, what to do..."
Any other day she would have been ecstatic for her friend finally figuring out love for herself, but this was a bit of a tenuous situation. Not because of Sorun; she was actually somewhat glad it was him as opposed to anybody else. Amy constantly gossiped to her and some of the other girls how much time they spent together and how back in the day Sorun was near-relentless in his pursuit of Power Rings just to spend more time with Nicole. Even Sonic on occasion told Sally personally he suspected something was going on between the two of them.
Besides all that, the letters she just read pretty much all but confirmed those theories.
No, it was tenuous in that Sally felt like she was dealing with children that didn't know what they were doing. Children, except they were grownups, one was more intelligent than most adults she knew by default, and the other was... Sorun, who was definitely somewhere above a child. More than that they both seemed to have legitimately concerns about one another and were playing this extremely cautiously.
"Maybe a bit too cautious," Sally muttered to herself. "Or maybe not. I don't know. I'd agree that Sorun isn't in a good place for this kind of thing right now, but he has been pretty normal as of late. Something like this might even be good for him. Considering both their feelings really all that needs to happen is one of them saying something."
If this were a simpler world than she could have just walked right up to Nicole and given her Sorun's letter and be done with it, but that would be a betrayal of their trust. They'd both used poorly-made pseudonyms for a reason, and for one reason or another they wanted their problems to stay anonymous. Fine with Sally, as far as she was concerned. There was more than one way at tackling the issue. If they wanted Aly's advice, they'd get it.
"Geez, how'd I end up in the middle of all this?"
Wednesday morning
"What kind of rainbow-hippie, granola-eating bullshit is this?"
Sorun had nearly torn the arms off of the local mailman that morning when he came to deliver the paper. The teen had been huddled up by a nearby window, watching the small walkway that lead to his house in preparation of the man. He hadn't even reached the newly-installed mail slot in Sorun's door before he'd flung it wide, tore the paper from his hands, and slammed the door back in his face.
Most of the paper had been discarded onto the floor as he jumped onto his couch. Useless news and countless words he had no interest in. There was only one single thing he needed, and it was a specific column he'd written to recently. To his glee, this strange Aly person actually responded to his letter, among others. He'd had to take some deep breaths and got up off the couch to pace for minutes just to work up the nerve to read it. Eventually he'd found his way back to the couch and began to slowly read her response, word by word at an agonizing pace.
A pace that soon began to increase the further Sorun got into the letter.
Dear Xx_1337G4m3r_xX (Wow! What a name!)
(Sorun couldn't help but scowl at what he felt was sarcasm written in that compliment)
I'm sorry to hear about everything that's been going on in your life, but I'm happy that you seem to be on the mend and doing better! Mental wellness with oneself is an important aspect of daily life, not just relationships, so it's good to hear you're taking steps to get past all your hardships. Keep it up and don't give up!
It sounds to me like you've been dancing around your feelings for your friend and have been taking the wait-and-see approach to your problem. Playing the cautious game is all well and good for establishing trust with one another and to see where you are, but from how you make it sound the two of you are already extremely close if your friend would go as far as to help support you for days on end in a time of need. There's such a thing as waiting TOO long, and if you let an opportunity slip through your fingers you may find yourself wishing you'd acted sooner.
With that said, love isn't something to be rushed into. It's a slow process that takes time to establish, but no matter how slow a process is it still needs a starting point. And, of course, like any good relationship, communication is key. Don't let something like the fear of rejection turn you away from what could potentially blossom into something beautiful. The worse they could say to you is simply "no", so in that respect you really have nothing to lose by trying.
Bottom line, follow your heart and go for gold. You might even be surprised to find one of the reasons that friend spends so much time with you could be because they feel the same towards you. You'll never know until you act, so get to it! You might be looking at a game over otherwise if you do nothing.
Signed,
Aly
Sorun stared right at the newspaper, never feeling more incredulous than he felt at that very moment. While he continued staring at the paper Sorun poked his head over Sorun's shoulder to stare down at it with him.
"Aw, that's cute. Look," he said, pointing to the column, "she used a bunch of gaming euphemisms just for you. You think she figured out what that stupid gamertag name you made up means?"
"No way. Nobody could have cracked the code," Sorun denied with a shake of his head. "It's impossible. 'Sides, she doesn't even know us."
"Yeah, I guess," Sorun agreed. "Still, this article-"
"It's flim flam." Anger creasing over his features, Sorun crushed the newspaper article in his hand out of spite. "It's a bunch of boiler plate, generic dating advice I coulda gotten off the back of a cereal box. 'Stay true to your feelings and just talk and be open with-' I mean, come on! Anybody could have told me that!" His scowl deepened. "And I don't like how she kept tossing around the L-word, too. Nobody ever said anything about love. This isn't love. It's some other thing."
Leaning back on the couch and propping his feet up on the cushions, Sorun said, "Well, whaddya expect from some no-name romantic adviser who's probably never gotten a real taste of romance in her entire life?" He looked up at the ceiling. "On the other hand the advice she did give is so practical and simplistic I have to wonder why we're not going for it."
"Because that would involve talking about my feelings to Nicole. Which is a no-no." Unfurling the newspaper, Sorun looked deeper into the article, towards one of the other letters she'd responded to. A sneer crossed his features when he read another lengthy one like his. "I mean, listen to what she said about this one weird-sounding girl that wrote to her. And I mean really weird. She signed her name in binary. What kinda geek signs in binary?"
"Mm, yeah. What's the name?"
"I dunno, we can't read binary." His blue eyes scrolled down to the response letter Aly sent her. "It's practically the same goddamn thing. 'It can be a very scary experience to first start out a relationship,' blah blah blah, 'lots of people, males especially in some cases, can be rather adverse to opening up to others, even those they trust, so it can be up to us to get the ball rolling on these things,' there really is nothing new under the sun, I freakin' swear, 'gaining your potential partner's attention through special acts such as gift giving can often be a big hint you want to deepen the relationship, but if all else fails, just be upfront with your feelings-' this is all ludicrous."
"Okay, but what's actually wrong with the advice? Like, what's the big issue with what you're reading? It actually seems like pretty solid advice."
"It is solid, and that's what pisses me off." Sorun threw the crumpled paper to the floor and slumped back in the couch, opposite of the other Sorun. "It's actually more than solid. She's right, and I'm mad it took some random column writer to tell me what the right course of action was."
"... I mean she's kinda an expert on the subject-"
Sorun rose his head up to glare at Sorun. "You were just saying a minute ago how she was a know-it-all that didn't know anything!"
Sorun shrugged. "I was trying to be nice and stay on your side but even you admitted all the points she raised were valid points." The explanation caused Sorun to sigh and relax back into the couch. "What are we actually doing here?" Sorun asked him.
"I don't know." No matter how right the words on that paper were on how he should go about this, and they were very correct, it didn't change the fact he was too paranoid of something going incredibly wrong to act on his feelings. The worst she could say was no? Maybe, but what if that wasn't true? What if he made things irrevocably worse by even implying he wanted a relationship? He didn't want to ruin things when it was something Nicole potentially didn't even want.
Then again, the letter had some merit. Waiting to long was, Sorun would admit, something he was also worried over. It was already gnawing at his nerves how long this had taken; he didn't want to wait so long something couldn't happen because he was too much of a coward to take that first step. In the grand scheme of things it may very well be as simple as him flat-out stating to her his feelings and desires. A few sentences that wouldn't even take a full minute to get out.
But that was a path that either lead to heaven or hell, and he didn't know which way the road was winding. And he also couldn't see how fast the road was crumbling the longer he took. If it even was. He was practically blind in that sense.
"... Maybe we should wait longer."
Sorun slapped his own face. "And thus nothing was learned," he mumbled into his palm. "Dude, come on, we've been over this. Take the first napkin already."
"A bit longer," Sorun reiterated. "Just to... step back, look where we're at with each other. Figure out what I'm actually supposed to say." He looked to the side. "And, you know, on the off chance that... well, maybe she feels the same after all and she could just-"
"Sounds like hopeful thinking," Sorun said. "And laziness."
"Perhaps. But I'm beyond caring at this point." Sorun rose up off the couch and began to pick up the discarded pieces of paper. "Bit longer," he promised himself. "That's all. I'll... I'll deal with it when the time's right."
"You keep telling yourself that."
Sorun didn't find himself liking that response. He frowned at it, and turned around to look at Sorun who should have still been on the couch. But when he did turn around the couch was completely vacant, and Sorun found himself completely alone in the room, surrounded by newspaper pages. He made a low sigh and bent down to continue cleaning the paper off the floor.
A/N- Sometimes I imagine Sally sees Sorun like that one Invincible meme that's been floating around recently. Sorun's bleeding out and lying on the rock and Sally's crouching down next to him pointing at her head and yelling, "Think, Sorun, think!" Like, not seriously, but it's a funny image to think of.
It's a real mixed bag of good and bad for the time Sorun got taken away from Earth. On one hand he never got to see the SE edition of DMC5 and playable Vergil (which didn't really add that much new stuff to his kit compared to the other games, but still), but he also didn't have to see the heartbreaking travesty that was Cyberpunk, so hey.
There's a real issue I have with the format this site uses for text files. When I was making the letters I tried to structure it differently, use indented paragraphs instead of spacing out the paragraphs like normal and use spaces to space out the names so they're on the right side. But then I save it all and it autoconfigures so that the extra spaces used for indenting are erased so I gotta go back and separate the paragraphs anyway, and forget putting the names on the right side of the screen using spaces.
WHY ISN'T THERE AN ALIGN RIGHT BUTTON!? WHY!?
Foibles aside, I tried. Didn't work, we got this instead, moving on.
So I don't really do arcs, because the last time I did arcs I gave them overly-pretentious names I regret making to this day, but if I did still do that I'd consider the chapter Sorun began living in his new home in the city to now to be a kind of intermission arc of sorts. For those worried about it there's one more chapter after this one, and after that the story's plot'll start picking up again as we move on.