Watching the love of your life lying on a hospital bed was torture for Haymitch. He does not know how else to help her get better. The doctors kept telling him that she'll pull through and she will wake up soon. It's been two days and she's yet to open her eyes. The rebels had taken the city. Coin declared herself the interim president of Panem. Katniss is still on recovery as well as Peeta and the rest is a mess.
Chaff and Johanna kept coming to the room to check on both him and Effie, but mostly him. He refused to leave her side and they had to bring him food because he couldn't bring himself to do that. He's scared that when he comes back, she will be gone again.
He must have dozed off because he suddenly felt something on his head, something moving through his hair. He opened his eyes and saw Effie looking back at him, her fingers brushing through his hair.
"You're awake. Fuck, you're awake!" he exclaimed in pure relief and joy.
She pursed her lips.
"Language, and try to speak a little low. You're going to destroy my eardrums", she chided.
The tears that ran down his face were uncontrollable. It shocked the both of them because he never cried like that in front of her before, not even when he's too drunk.
"Haymitch…"
"Sorry…it's just that…you have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say that again", he chuckled and wiped his tears away, "I fucking missed you, sweetheart…" he held her hand and pressed a kiss at the back of it, "I'm so sorry. Fuck…I'm so sorry, princess. This is all my fault—"
"Stop", he looked back at her and saw her face hardened. "It was not your fault. I was arrested by the Peacekeepers before I got into my apartment. That was not you. I understood why you kept me in the dark about the whole rebellion. They questioned me, tortured me for information and you were right not to give me anything because I was not sure I could keep it from them. This was not your fault", she cut him off.
They tortured her. She did not know anything and yet they tortured her. How is that even better?
"I could have stayed with you and made sure you would get to the hovercraft safely", he argued.
"…and risked the children's safety? The only comfort we all had in prison was you were able to get the others out of the Capitol, Haymitch. That's not going to happen if you stayed with me. The children always come first, you know that", she reminded him.
He expected her to be very angry with him. He expected her to hate him for the things she went through because she got involved with him.
"You were left behind in prison after…the others were rescued but you weren't…" he muttered.
Effie gave her a sad smile.
"Chaff already explained it to me earlier while you were sleeping. They sent you to rehab to dry out. You did not know and Katniss did not know either. Don't put that on yourself. I am not angry…never was. However, I am appalled at how they treated you through your withdrawal. Truly, going cold turkey? That's dangerous, Haymitch. What are they, a bunch of cave dwellers?" she expressed.
If he didn't know any better, he would never guessed that she was just held captive by the Capitol and tortured. She seemed fine…or does she?
"Princess…how are you feeling?" he asked.
He had known her for years. She's used to putting mask whenever she can to hide what she truly feels inside. It's her armos against the world. Never let anyone see what one was truly feeling. The thing is, he knows better. He knows her too well. There's no way anyone would walk out of that experience unscathed from the inside. He just know. Her face dropped and he knew he was right. He saw right through her.
"Confused…when I woke up, I didn't know where I am. I almost panicked and then I felt you beside me. At first, I thought you're not real but then, I touched your hair and I just knew you are. Chaff came in and told me everything. That helped in grounding me. They must have given me some sedatives because I feel funny but I know once it wears off, I will feel pain again but I can handle that", she answered in all honesty.
He put her hand on his cheek. He wants her to know for sure that he's real and not her imagination. Trauma can cause a person to become detached from reality. He will not allow her to be pulled back in a flash back if he can help it. He needs her there with him and not far away.
"I was so scared to death I will never see you again. I couldn't…I don't think I'll be able to…"
"I know", she muttered.
It's the whole reason she willed herself to stay alive no matter what. She does not want to die because she does not want him to destroy himself because of her.
"I love you", the words came out of his mouth more easily than he thought. Effie stiffened at first but relaxes when he pressed her hand harder on his face. "You told me to say that to you when we see each other again. I love you, Effie. I know I don't say it before…I could never because I was so scared but losing you like that…fearing of never seeing you again, that's scarier than saying those words. I love you so much, Effie, more than my own life", he declared.
It's her turn to cry. She used to long for him to say those words but she soon realized she does not words to know that he loves her too but hearing it now, it sounds so nice. She loves hearing it.
"If I had known this is what it would take for you to admit it, I would have staged my own kidnapping years ago", she teased.
Haymitch snorted.
"Wouldn't have believed it…you're not the subtle type, princess", he said.
He gave her an update on what she missed while she was in prison, the rebellion, Johanna, Peeta, Katniss…Prim. She took it all in like a pro. Back in the day, she would have breakdown already but her days in captivity had grown her a thick skin.
"Ah…love, see you two finally got reacquainted", Chaff said when he visited her room.
She flashed him a smile that did not last. She couldn't barely hold one anymore. She used to be very good with that before but not anymore apparently. It's exhausting and she cannot afford to lose energy on faking a smile.
"Trinket!" Johanna's voice rang throughout the room that made Effie winced.
"Seriously, Jo. We're just right here", Haymitch complained.
Johanna ignored him and went straight to Effie and climbed up her bed which shocked both Haymitch and Chaff. Since when Johanna wants to cuddle with Effie? The move seemed to be welcome for Effie because she did her best to make room for the girl.
"Easy there, Jo. She's not fully recovered yet", Chaff reminded her.
Johanna eyed her from head to toe, assessing every injuries Effie got, the old ones and the new ones. Her eyes lingered on her wrists and saw the marks left by the chains.
"These are new", she noted with a growl.
Effie shrugged or did her best to because her shoulder is still giving her discomfort despite the painkillers.
"Yes, they are, along with other things but that's over now. How are you dear? Your hair is growing back", Effie asked.
Trust Effie to notice the hair first before other things. Johanna scoffed and rolled her eyes around.
"You're not going to give me fashion advice, Trinket. I don't want to dress like a clown", she answered which made Chaff and Haymitch laughed.
Effie chuckled a little feeling the familiar banter with her present company. It reminded her of what they used to spend their idle time after their tributes died at the lounge. They drink and they banter until one or two gets really pissed off and walked away.
"Alright…Katniss and Peeta are both recovering from what I've been told. Annie was fine too according to Chaff, so what is Finnick's excuse for not coming to see me? Honestly, I expect better from him of all people. He used to have better manners than the three of you combined…well?" Effie then asked.
The three Victors around her stiffened. It did not sit well in her guts. Her heart raised a little.
"You did not tell her?" Johanna asked Haymitch directly like she's not there beside her.
The girl is already back on her feet.
"Tell me what? What happened? Where's Finnick?" Effie asked again.
At the back of her mind, she can already guess but she wants to hear it from them. She wants confirmation even though she's willing for it not to be true.
"Sweetheart…Finnick…" Haymitch couldn't finish it.
He just couldn't. Chaff tried too but there's just no words to express the loss. Finnick saved all of their asses. Johanna is trying her best to stare at the white walls, wishing for the conversation to be over.
"No…" the heart monitor beeped faster, "No…no, not him. No, you're lying", something in her snapped and everything around her became tainted for her. "This is not real. Is this a trick? I already told you, I know nothing!" she exclaimed.
Johanna and Chaff now looked alarmed and Haymitch is on the verge of panic as he sat next to Effie who wants to flee the room.
"Sweetheart, this is real. You're safe. It's me, Haymitch", he said gently.
She shook her head and she's breathing way too fast that she might pass out soon.
"No…this is cruel. Stop this game. I don't like this game. You can't…Finnick is not dead! He can't be dead. Annie…no, he can't be dead…"
Haymitch pulled her into his arms and made sure she will feel him. He needs to ground her or otherwise, she will be stuck in her head.
"I told Annie I will organize her wedding with Finnick. He can't be dead. He can't be…" she sobbed in his arms.
Johanna is shaking but tears won't stop falling from her eyes too. Chaff is clenching his jaw.
"I know, sweetheart. We don't want it to be real too but it's true. He saved us, princess. Finnick died a hero. He saved all of us. You know that kid. He liked to be the center of attention even to the end", she chuckled at the memory of the boy's wolfish grin, "He saved us and now, he's at peace with Mags. She's probably having a field day scolding the boy up there right now", Haymitch explained as he brushed her back softly.
He can feel the bandages on her back. They saw the angry wounds from whip on her back when they found her.
"I feel like fainting, Haymitch", she mumbled.
He took that as a cue and gently laid her down the bed. Her heart rate is back to normal so that's a good sign.
"It's alright. You're exhausted. Sleep, princess. I'll be right here", he said as he tucked her in.
"Promise?" she asked.
"Promise", he answered.
Within a few seconds, Effie fell asleep.
"Is she going to be alright or is she all messed up like Peeta?" Johanna asked first.
Peeta has been hi-jacked but Effie was not. What happened earlier, it's not medically-induced.
"No, it's not like Peeta. That's normal. She's having flashbacks and they tortured her. When we found her, she's chained up to a wall. Who knows what they did to her or what they told her to believe. Her brain sometimes take her back because she's afraid that this is all in her head or a trick. I have to ground her to keep her here", he answered.
Effie looks so frail. Effie Trinket is anything but frail. They hurt her bad, not just physically, and it makes his blood boil. He wants to kill them all if he can.
"If it helps, I will help you murder them all", Chaff said like he can read his friend's mind.
"If you can beat me to it, old man", Johanna responded with a huff.