Ramen Doodles

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.

Boruto: "Ugh! Who cares about dumb old ramen anyway? Ramen sucks!"

Naruto: "... Boruto. Why must you hurt your dear father so?"

Naruto sobs.

Boruto: "Are... Are you crying?"

Naruto: "Oh, where did I go wrong?! I gave you love, toys, attention, cuddles! I wanted you to grow up big and strong and have everything I never had! And yet..."

He breaks down crying onto his knees.

Boruto: "D-Dad! Dad! I-MOM! Mom, Dad's crying!"

Hinata: "What?! Naruto, what's wrong?! What happened?!"

Boruto: "I uh... I just told him that... Ramen sucks?"

Hinata: "..." Begins bawling as well "OH GOD! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I'M A TERRIBLE MOTHER!"

Boruto: "Wh-Wha-NO! NO YOU'RE NOT!"

Naruto: Tears streaming down his cheeks "IT'S ALL MY FAULT, HINATA! DON'T BLAME YOURSELF! I'M HORRIBLE!"

Hinata: Crying just as much, hugs him "OH DON'T BLAME YOURSELF MY LOVE! IT CAN'T HAVE BEEN YOU!"

Naruto: "NO! NO! IT'S ME! IT'S ALL MEEEEE!"

Hinata: "WE FAILED TOGETHER!"

Naruto and Hinata: "WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Boruto: "OKAY OKAY OKAY! HOLY CRAP! The ramen is good!"

Naruto: "Do... Do you mean it?"

Boruto: "YES! Yes, it's fine! It doesn't suck! I mean it!"

Hinata: sniffles, wipes her eyes "You... You hear that, Naruto? Boruto likes ramen!"

Naruto: "We-We didn't fail as parents!"

Hinata: "Oh, I love you!"

Naruto: "I love you too! You wonderful woman!"

They hug and kiss. Boruto groans and leaves.

Boruto: "God, I bet Sarada doesn't have to deal with this crap..."

Sarada: "When I grow up, I won't just be Hokage! I'll marry Lord Seventh!"

Naruto: "Aw, isn't that cute-Wait what."

Sarada: "Yes! Lord Seventh! I will be your wife!"

Naruto: "Sarada, I'm happily married."

Sarada: "Yeah but by then she'll be old and worn out and flabby and..."

She turns around to look up at Hinata, whose Byakugan has activated in her rage.

Sarada: "Um... Hello Mrs. Uzumaki."

Hinata: Pleasantly "Dear Sarada. While I quite understand why you would fall in love with my husband, you are quite young. Your feelings will change over time. Who knows? You may one day fall for Boruto!"

Sarada: "That idiotic brat? Never!"

Hinata: "People do change. And while I understand your feelings, Naruto can't return them."

Sarada looks over at Naruto sadly. He smiles and shakes his head.

Naruto: "Sarada. I do care for you, but like my daughter."

Sarada: "... Then, when I'm older, can I be his mistress?"

Naruto: chokes "WHAT?!"

Sarada: "After all, according to Aunt Ino the mistress is always the younger, prettier woman and-"

Hinata calmly picks Sarada up by the scruff of her neck and tosses her out the window into the trash.

Sarada: "...Is that a maybe?"

After Mitsuki has confessed he has the hots for Boruto, Boruto tries to let him down easy.

Boruto: "Uh... Mitsuki, dude... I like you and all but I'm not into guys."

Mitsuki: "Oh, I see."

Boruto: "I mean you're a great friend! Like, my best friend! But I'm not gay, ya know?"

Mitsuki: "I completely understand. See you tomorrow!"

Boruto: "You too man."

The next day...

Boruto: "I dunno Sarada, gaming is a very manly passion, and you went with the worst starter."

Sarada: "Please! It's all about resource management, I'm very good at-"

Mitsuki: "Good morning!"

Sarada: "Good... Morning... Mitsuki...?"

Boruto: "Hwah...?"

A now very female Mitsuki stands in front of them, smiling warmly.

Mitsuki: "I trust your objections to dating me have been addressed, Boruto?"

Boruto: gaping "I... It... How...?!"

Mitsuki: "I asked my parent."

Sarada: crying, as Mitsuki's boobs are bigger than hers

Sarada: "Boruto, will you go out with me?"

Boruto: "No way."

Sarada: "WHAT? WHY!?"

Boruto: "Because you're kinda... ehhh? You only want me to be a substitute for my daddy, and that's not happening. Oh also? I'm dating Sumire."

Sarada: "SUMIRE?!"

Boruto: "Well yeah. She's nice. Also she has boobs and you... Kind of don't?"

Sarada: In tears, she runs home. She storms through and into her room, burying her face in her pillow.

Sakura: Goes up to Sarada's room "Sarada? Sweetie? Are you okay?"

Sasuke: Appears "Who made you cry?" Has his hand on his sword.

Sarada: sob "BORUTO! I CONFESSED TO HIM AND HE... HE REJECTED ME!"

Sakura: "Sarada, how is it that Boruto rejected you?"

Sarada: "Because he said I'm using him as a replacement for Lord Seventh!"

Sakura: "... Oh Sarada..." Has a thousand yard stare

Sasuke: Doesn't bother, just begins laughing out loud

Sarada: "And that he's dating Sumire! SUMIRE!"

Sakura: punches Sasuke "NOT HELPING, HUSBAND."

Sarada: "HOW COULD HE CHOOSE HER OVER ME?! JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS BOOBS AND DOESN'T USE HIM AS A REPLACEMENT FOR LORD SEVENTH!"

Sasuke: "Sorry, it's just very funny."

Sarada: "How is it funny, Papa?!"

Sasuke: "Well, for most of his youth, Naruto was constantly pursuing Sakura, and she'd never give him the time of day."

Sarada: "... Wait. Seriously?"

Sakura: nodded "Oh yeah."

Sasuke: "Yes. So I just find it ironic that an Uchiha is chasing an Uzumaki for once..."

Sarada: "... Hold on... hold on... hold on. So the trick isn't to be the chaser, but the chased?"

Sasuke: "Yep, if there's one thing I know about Naruto is that he's at his best when there's something he can't have. Maybe his son will be less of a screwup if he had something to chase after, too."

Sarada: "So how do I make Boruto want me?"

Sakura: Eye gleam. "Well, there's always a jutsu that Tsunade-sama taught me, but I never needed..."

Sasuke: "... Oh no, not that jutsu."

Sakura: "Yes, that jutsu."

Sarada: "That jutsu?"

Sakura: "So, you know the story of Tsunade, right?"

Sarada: "Of course!"

Sakura: "Well, did you know she was once as flat as me?"

Sarada: "Bullshit!"

Sasuke: "Language."

Sarada: "Sorry Papa."

Sakura: "Ask Orochimaru, he'll vouch... though he may hyperventilate and visibly flinch remembering all the times he'd gotten thrown through a building for joking about it."

Sasuke: chuckles

Sakura: "Anyway, at one point she developed a jutsu to do something about it. No, it was not a henge, this was genuine physiological modification, not unlike the stuff the Akimichi do."

Sarada: "You're saying that all I need are tits and Boruto will like me?"

Sakura: "Well, if he's simping over someone like his Mom? Yes."

Sarada: "Do you really think this will work Mom?"

Sakura: "Possibly. The only thing you have to worry about now is if his bond with Sumire is more emotional than physical. If Boruto is truly deeper than he seems."

Sasuke: "Boruto has the depth of a bowl of ramen, you'll be fine."

Sarada: "LET'S DO IT!"

Because domestic fluff is fun.