Chapter 70.

Jack and Cas both appeared with the tea. Dean had to admire Castiel's courage, walking into what he knew was going to be an awkward situation when he could have hidden in his room. Well, the room he had shared with Sam the night before. Cas had not been in the room he had shared with Jules since Dean had found him on the floor in there, broken by the break-up.

Rowena stood and went over to Cas. She placed her palm over his forehead as if checking for fever and then looked into his eyes in a way that made even an onlooker like Dean feel uncomfortable and said, "How are you feeling now?"

"I'm fine." said Cas.

"The boys tell me your grace is building slowly. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No., there isn't." said Cas, "It will be fully restored in a few days."

"It had better be." said Dean, looking at Rowena.

"This is my fault, not hers." said Cas.

"No it isn't." said Dean.

"You should listen to him," said Rowena, "And not just about this."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" said Dean.

"Don't get angry." said Cas quietly.

Somehow, that infuriated Dean even more. "I was talking to the Wicked Bitch of the West." he said.

"Dean, please." said Cas.

Jack quietly poured and passed out cups of tea. He seemed distinctly uncomfortable.

Rowena quickly sat down again. "I didn't come here to start a fight." she said, "I wanted to make peace."

"Look at what you did to him!" said Dean, "He's damaged ... helpless ... "

"Useless?" said Cas.

"No, not that, never that." said Dean, calming his voice as much as he could. "This isn't criticism, Cas, not of you."

"I did this. She only helped." said Cas.

Rowena looked at Jack. "Do you hate me too, darlin'?"

"I hate that you hurt Castiel." said Jack, "But I believe him that it was his decision, not yours."

"That's very fair-minded of you." she said, "Others here could learn a lot from you." She looked at Cas. "You maybe shouldn't be here. This is distressing you."

"I think I'm needed here." said Cas, "I feel I should defend you."

"Against me?" said Dean.

"Against unwarranted accusations." said Cas, which was a reluctant, veiled and guilt-ridden yes.

"You think I'm being unreasonable?" said Dean.

Rowena raised her right arm. "I do!"

"Rowena, please." said Cas.

"She took your grace!" said Dean.

"Because I asked her to. And she didn't agree to it right away. She argued cogently against it. She urged me to discuss it with you and Sam."

"All of which I told you yesterday." said Rowena, "And you believed I was lying."

"This is all entirely and solely my decision, my plan, my fault." said Cas.

"No, it isn't. She could have said no." said Sam. Dean was grateful for his intervention. He had begun to feel he was alone against them all.

"Have you tried saying no to him?" said Rowena, "It's not easy."

"Did you make the slightest effort to say no?" said Sam.

"Yes, I'd say I made the slightest effort." she said.

"Dean, Sam," said Cas, "She is an ally we cannot afford to lose. Whatever your feelings about what we did, I beg you not to alienate her in a fight over me. I'm not worth it."

"And that's precisely the kind of thinking that got you into this!" said Dean.

"I'm sorry." said Cas.

"Stop saying you're frickin' sorry! Stop taking on all this guilt! Stop being such a damn doormat!" said Dean, aware that he was raising his voice.

"Sorry." said Cas.

"Dean," said Sam, "Don't."

"Would it help if I gave my word not to do anything more with Castiel's grace without consulting both of you first?" said Rowena.

"I thought we'd already agreed that." said Dean.

"You shouting threats at me and me agreeing are two very different things." she said.

"I think that's a sensible way to move forward." said Sam, "Dean?"

"I don't trust her word." said Dean.

"Trust mine." said Cas, "I won't do anything like that again without consulting you and Sam either."

"You deceived us to sneak off to her."

"I didn't break any promises."

"That's up for debate." said Dean.

Rowena smiled at him in a way that made him want to strangle her. "I can see that this feels like a very personal betrayal to you, Dean. I do wonder why."

"Because I thought I could trust him." said Dean, "Next thing I know, he's sneaking off to some shabby hotel to meet a witch."

"It wasn't at all shabby." she said.

"You don't deny the sneaking."

"You gave him no option." she said.

"Did he tell you that? What else did he tell you?"

"What is there to tell?" said Rowena.

"You tell me." said Dean.

"I wanted to protect Jack and Claire." said Cas, "I never intended to cause this conflict."

"I know you didn't." said Dean, "Maybe you should go rest."

"No. This is my responsibility. I need to make this right."

"Yeah, well, you can't. You made a mistake and it has consequences and if we lose an ally, we lose an ally, but there's no way you can fix this. There's no way anyone can ever fix this." said Dean. Even as he said it, he knew it was the worst thing he could have said. He watched the shoulders hunch, the hope go out of Castiel's eyes and the weight of the world settle into the deep furrows on his brow.

Dean turned on Rowena. "Do you see what you've done?"

"And how exactly did I make you say what you just said? This is your mess, Dean Winchester and yours alone."

"No, it's not!" said Cas, "None of this is his fault or Sam's or Jack's. I did this thing and you helped me and if he hates me, he has reason to."

"I don't hate you." said Dean, his voice barely above a whisper, "I just can't protect you and it's killing me."

"You should go, Rowena." said Sam.

"But nothing has been resolved." she protested, looking at Dean.

"Yes it has. You leave Castiel alone and we'll all be friends."

"Does your brother agree?" she said.

"His brother doesn't care." said Dean, "Get out of here."

"Is there peace between us." she said, "Because I don't want you as an enemy."

"Keep your word and there will be peace." he said.

She nodded. "I'll see myself out. For you four, I suggest a group hug."

"Get out, or I'll lose my temper." said Dean.

"Just go, please, Rowena." said Sam. When she'd gone, he turned to Dean. "Are you okay?"

"Better than he is." said Dean, gesturing to Cas.

"I'm sorry." said Cas, then he bowed his head, apparently realising that he had used the forbidden word.

"Why don't you care what happens to you?" said Dean, half in anger, half in desperation.

"Why should I, when you don't?" said Cas.

"I don't? You know I do. How many times do I have to say it?"

"Once more, with feeling?" said Cas.

"What?" said Dean.

"We're all tired." said Sam, "We're all losing our minds over this."

"Tell this stupid son of a bitch I care about him!" said Dean.

"That's really helping," said Sam, "Thanks for that, Dean."

Cas smiled slightly. "The stupid son of a bitch thanks you."

"I didn't mean it." said Dean.

"The son of a bitch part, the stupid part or that you care?" said Cas.

"You know what I mean."

"I think so." said Cas.

"I hope you meant it when you promised, because if you didn't ... "

"I meant it." said Cas.

"Because I can't lose you again. None of us can. If anything happened to you ... "

"I meant it." said Cas again, quickly.