Please read this note before proceeding to chapter!
I have started reediting CHDH. I'll talk more about it after the chapter, but I wanted to mention I changed Natsu's motivation when it comes to relationships/sex. Before he just suppressed any hormones because he thought relationships were a waste of time and not interesting to him. Now the motivation is he watched his dad, Igneel, lose the love of his life and it nearly destroyed him, took years to pull himself out of his depression and even still, Natsu couldn't mention his wife because it always had Igneel retreating into himself. So, Natsu, being a preteen/teenager during that time, took all that to heart and it shaped how he viewed relationships. He doesn't want to hurt like that, he doesn't want to get his heart broken. Igneel is the toughest and strongest person he knows, and his wife's death nearly killed him. If Igneel couldn't handle it, how would Natsu ever? That's the reason he started suppressing his attraction towards people, forcing himself to not care about what they looked like because he knew he was never going to date/have sex/fall in love. It all had the potential to lead to heartbreak, so he decided he would live without it all. And he was good with that. After losing friends during the outbreak, that idea has only increased. If it hurt that much to lose a friend, how much would it hurt to lose the love of his life? Sometimes writers pull from life experiences. I'm in a place now where I get crushes but I know without a shadow of a doubt I'm not ready for a relationship, so that helps taper off any attraction I feel towards people. I imagine with what Natsu saw growing up and how the world is now, he would only want to invest in his friendships and never fall in love, but now his eyes are opening and that newfound attraction he has for Lucy is going to lead him into territory he doesn't want to go. Also, his friends don't know his motivation. They think he's just not interested in anything having to do with romance/sex. Levy will comment on that in the next chapter.
Anyways, the reedit won't have drastic changes, but I felt the need to include that before this chapter since it mentions something about it towards the end. Thank you for being so patient! I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Seventy: Share
(April 24th, 2018 Tuesday Midnight)
"Can I stay here tonight?"
Natsu's jaw went slack before he moved out of the way, not thinking as he gestured for her to enter. "What's wrong?" he asked, watching as she squeezed her bedding to her chest before ducking her head.
His heart sank as she avoided his gaze, but worry soon outweighed everything else. Lucy mumbled something as she ventured into the room, her voice so soft even his sharp ears couldn't detect it.
She walked over to the space her bed used to be when she first moved in, setting her pillow and blanket on the ground. Natsu only jolted out of his state of shock when Happy started meowing, circling Lucy before climbing on her blanket.
With his head buzzing with questions, Natsu locked up. He rubbed at his eyes, ridding himself of the last remnants of sleep. There was no way he was resting now, not until he figured out what happened to her.
What caused her to seek him out in the middle of the night?
Dread filled his stomach as he approached her. He wanted to ask why she showed up so late at night, but the words died in his throat when he realized she was setting up a makeshift bed.
With a shake of his head, Natsu said, "Take my bed. I'll sleep on the floor."
"It's your room," Lucy said, crouched by her bedding as she looked up at him over her shoulder.
His response vanished as soon as their eyes locked, Natsu unsure why he felt lighter for a second. It didn't last long, Lucy tearing her gaze away from him to get back to folding her blanket for padding. He swallowed, pushing aside their sleeping arrangements for more pressing issues.
Natsu went to sit next to her, barely touching her arm to get her to stop with the blanket. He waited until she looked at him again. Ignoring the urge to cup her cheek and slide his palm along her face was one thing, but he couldn't stop the urge to squeeze her arm.
He knew with his weird thoughts earlier he shouldn't touch her, but there wasn't an ounce of sexual frustration on his part anymore. Maybe it was getting some sleep that had him back to normal, or maybe it was Lucy's distress that had his hormones under control.
"What's wrong?" Natsu asked, watching as her lips parted before she sucked in a sharp breath. She turned her head, but Natsu's fingers tapped against her arm. "Hey, it's just me. What happened?"
Lucy faced him again, her eyes remaining on the sliver of space between them. She said nothing, but he looked over her appearance, piecing together what happened. In the moonlight he saw her bangs matted to her forehead, some blonde strands stuck to her neck. Lucy had been sweating, which had Natsu assuming she had done something physical, possibly running.
It wasn't uncommon for Lucy to run, but she didn't normally do it in the dark. 'Unless she didn't have a choice.'
Natsu had to make a conscious effort not to tighten his grip on her when his eyes narrowed, something dark slipping into his tone as he asked, "Did someone hurt you?" He swore if anyone gave Lucy a hard time or worse, chased her, there would be hell to pay.
The red coating his vision disappeared when she shook her head, but his relief didn't come yet. "Then what's going on?"
"I..." Lucy stole a breath before her teeth sunk into her lower lip. He couldn't understand why she didn't want to tell him. Then again, he had reacted badly before. Maybe she was afraid he would do that again?
He noticed the strain in her features, the way her shoulders curled towards her body. It didn't take a genus to know she felt small, and that pained Natsu in a way he wasn't familiar with.
Where had the fiery, sassy woman he hung out with earlier gone? He hated the idea of her reverting back to her old self. He was friends with that version of Lucy, so he could do it again, but she seemed much happier lately.
Natsu frowned, hoping her progress wasn't behind erased. "If you don't wanna tell me..." He let the words hang between them, Lucy's eyes catching his gaze before she swallowed.
"I..." Her voice was barely a whisper. "I had a nightmare."
Natsu's face and heart fell. "I'm sorry," he said, acting before he thought. He scooted closer, arms loosening by his side before he raised them a few inches. As soon as he saw her eyes flicker to his arms, he had second thoughts. Maybe touching Lucy was a bad idea. He felt nothing sexual now, but could he trust himself with physical contact?
His thoughts vanished when he felt her press against his chest, her arms winding around his middle before hugging him. They almost toppled over before Natsu steadied his knees. With his mind in a daze, he gently set his hands on her back before relaxing in their embrace.
His eyes shut as he breathed her in, wondering why his chest felt full yet light at the same time. It didn't last long, all thoughts obliterated when Lucy let out a content sigh.
She stole every shred of his attention. Her messy hair tickled his cheek as his arms tightening around her. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He felt Lucy shake her head against his chest, but despite that she mumbled, "It was... about the lake house. Same old stuff I used to dream about... I just—" She nuzzled his chest, causing Natsu's fingers to grip against her back. Not forcefully, but he didn't want to let her go. He was supposed to be helping her, but somehow she was able to keep him anchored, calming him down.
Lucy pulled back, and despite him wanting to cling to her, to hold her against him for longer, he let her go. She looked him in the eyes, her hands resting on his sides for a moment as she said, "I really thought they were done, but... I was wrong."
The frustration on her face tamed whatever urge he had to hug her again. Lucy needed him for support, and getting stuck in his head with confusing thoughts wasn't going to help either of them.
"I wish I had more to say than that sucks," Natsu said, shoulders sagging.
He remembered in vivid detail how she was when she first arrived at Fairy Tail. She woke up screaming and crying, sometimes lashing out at him when he got too close to her when she awoke. While he hated that she suffered, he was glad the nightmares hadn't broken her.
She was much stronger than he ever gave her credit for, even before she became a runner. And the fact that she recognized that she needed help and reached out, it just made him admire her that much more. It took courage to admit she couldn't handle it on her own, and he needed her to understand he would always be there for her.
"If you ever have a nightmare, or don't wanna be alone, you come here, okay?" He felt the truth behind the words, but his throat still tightened. He pushed past the forming lump, refusing to let whatever nerves he had silence him.
Natsu ran his fingers through his hair, feeling his face warm as he added, "You're always welcome to hang out here."
His heartbeat doubled as he waited for her answer, relief breaking through the tension when her face relaxed.
"Thanks." She looked away before finding his gaze once more. "I um, I thought about using the spare key, but I didn't want to barge in."
Despite the weird way his body was acting, a small smile broke out over his face. He wanted to touch her shoulder, but he kept his hands to himself. "You wouldn't have barged in." He imagined her slipping in quietly. He didn't know what he would have thought the next morning, waking up to see her a few feet away, bundled in her blankets. Or, maybe she would have woken up earlier and left, never leaving a trace behind?
Though, he doubted the second would happen. He could smell her body wash before their hug, and he had a feeling it would linger if she stayed overnight. The first few nights after she moved out were the hardest, her scent clinging to his blanket. It was both comforting and awful, but he was willing to go through it again if it meant her feeling safe.
Maybe having her scent in his room wouldn't hurt all that much now that their friendship was on the mend?
"I'd offer you a key to my room, but I only have the one."
"That's fine," he said, meaning it. The ache in his chest lessened, happy she trusted him.
Which made what he did earlier that much worse. He violated her trust by thinking about her in such a degrading way, but... maybe Alzack was right? He would never harm her, never force her to do something she didn't want to do, so as long as it was just in his head, it wasn't that bad.
Right?
Natsu would still do his best to curb his newest urges, but maybe he didn't have to berate himself for thinking Lucy was sexy. He had known she was conventionally pretty. He could already picture her turning heads before the outbreak, but even after the world had gone to shit, she was still a beauty, scars and all.
Despite knowing she was pretty, he hadn't been attracted to her until today.
Or, at least he hadn't realized it.
Before that could register, Lucy nodded towards the bed. "We could share," she suggested. "Like old times."
The fact that she didn't sound unsure had his stomach doing a weird flip. Instead of making him sick, it had him fighting a grin. He didn't want to be an ass and look happy she was in his room. The only reason she was there was because she had a nightmare. It wasn't the time to rejoice that she wanted to sleep in the same bed, but he had to admit, comfort washed over him as he nodded.
He wanted to be near her, and giving Lucy security was an added bonus.
"That works," he said, voice steady despite his erratic pulse. He couldn't do much about what went on in her mind and dreams, but he would lend his support, even if she seemed reluctant to accept his protection most of the time.
A moment later, Natsu found himself slipping under his covers, Lucy joining him with only her pillow. Happy was purring already, waiting until Lucy got settled before curling up against her side.
She smiled at Happy, the simple gesture causing Natsu's body to ease. Everything felt right again.
He watched as Lucy scratched under Happy's chin, Natsu wanting to reach over and settle a hand on her arm. He didn't, refusing to violate her personal space. She was putting her trust in him, and the last thing she needed was him pawing at her, even if he had no sexual desire humming through his veins like before.
Instead of questioning any of it, Natsu rolled over to get comfortable. He faced away from her, staring at the wall before letting out a sigh. "Hope you sleep better."
"I think I will," Lucy whispered, Natsu feeling her shift behind him.
His eyes closed, hoping he would pick up his dream where it left off, though he couldn't remember what had happened. He just recalled it being pleasant.
However, before his dreams could start, Natsu was startled awake, feeling something shaking his arm gently.
"Natsu?"
"Hmm?" He tipped his head back as his scratchy voice filled the room. "Nightmare?"
"No," Lucy whispered, hesitation thick in the air.
"What's up?" he asked, his head heavy as he tried to look behind him. The weight had him abandoning that plan, head lolling against his pillow as he waited for an explanation.
"Would... I mean, do you mind if I—"
She retracted her hand before slowly exhaling a sigh. Her breath was warm against his back, but it somehow caused goosebumps to erupt over his bare shoulders. She was close. Much closer than when he went to sleep.
"You can say no."
Natsu furrowed his brows. "What is it?"
"I just..."
He almost blew out a breath, but he willed his frustration down. He was cranky, but who wouldn't be when they were woken up. 'At least she didn't have another nightmare.' He held onto that thought as he waited. Rushing Lucy would get him nowhere, but still, he wasn't patient by nature. It took him chewing on his inner cheek to keep from asking her to spit it out.
"Can I cuddle you?"
Natsu froze, eyes flying wide open as his mind blanked. How was he supposed to process that request? She wanted to... cuddle him? 'What does that even mean?'
He wasn't an idiot, but the only times they had cuddled during sleep had been by accident. Somehow they found each other in their sleep, but to purposely do it?
He almost laughed, recalling how scared she had been when he first found her compared to now. Half a year ago Lucy would have been revolted at the idea of being that close to him, but now she wanted it.
Things had changed, Natsu sinking into the mattress as he realized again how much he liked Lucy's improvements.
"Yeah," Natsu said, too concerned to crane his head to look over his shoulder. "That's... that's fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked, uncertainty thick in her voice.
Natsu stole a breath, heart already pounding as he scooted back, closing the distance between them. "Yeah. It's just like a long hug, right?"
Her sigh warmed his back as she gently snaked an arm around his waist. "Exactly." Lucy moved forward until her front was pressed against his back, her legs tucking with his. Natsu remained still, focusing on his breathing so he didn't alarm her.
He swore his nerves were sparking, every touch making him rethink if cuddling was a good idea. Add in Lucy's fingers curling against the pink hair of his happy trail and he was a goner. Natsu was now wishing he hadn't slacked off when at Hargeon. That combined with working in receiving had left his belly soft whereas he used to have defined abdominal muscles.
He had never cared too much about his appearance, his muscles more practical than for show, but now he wished Lucy could touch him when he was in top shape. Talking with Levy was good for his head, but his physique was paying the price.
'I shouldn't care anyways. It's not like it matters to Lucy what I feel or look like. Why does it even matter what Lucy thinks of my body?' He sucked in a sharp breath, wondering why his thoughts chose that direction.
Earlier when Lucy had been close to tears from her nightmare, Natsu felt nothing but hurt for his friend, but that moment had passed. It was replaced, a carnal desire stirring in his lower stomach, close to where her fingers strummed.
He said nothing, afraid he would ruin whatever serenity Lucy had found. However, while he had control over his mouth, he could do nothing about his growing problem hidden by his boxers.
It didn't help that Lucy's nose and maybe even her lips were skimming his back as she adjusted herself, Natsu wondering briefly if he had never woken up. Maybe he was dreaming, and that rating was about to go from G to R.
Thankfully Lucy's voice cut through the tension building in his body, though having her breath on his skin had him tingling and his heart skyrocketing. He wasn't sure it could take much more without overloading. "Levy said sleeping next to someone can be calming," she whispered.
She was impossibly close, and although he wished it was him holding her, he couldn't deny how good it felt being spooned. He felt safer somehow, more secure despite his nervousness going haywire.
He didn't want it to end, thankful Lucy stayed put. She let her hand dangle against his stomach before yawning. "I don't know if it's true, but I thought it was interesting."
Natsu focused on her words instead of the roar of blood in his ears. Did she know what she was doing to him? How his stomach was doing somersaults and his palms were now so slick, he couldn't hold onto a plate if his life depended on it.
'Broken plates. Dinner. Friends. Levy. Books. Paper. Pens. Ink.'
Natsu did his best to keep his mind occupied, all while Lucy continued whatever spell she had successfully put him under.
"Levy knows some interesting stuff," Natsu breathed, hoping she didn't know he was flustered.
Lucy nodded against his back. "I didn't tell her... If you're worried about it," Lucy said, her words causing his forehead to crease.
"Tell her what?"
"That we've slept together."
Natsu bit his inner cheek to stop himself from sputtering. She had to realize how she worded that, right? Was she trying to pull a reaction out of him? If that was her goal, she achieved it. His cock twitched, begging to be released from its confines. He yearned for her touch, especially since it wouldn't take much shifting to get her hand around his length.
He could picture it now, Lucy's lips trailing down his spine as she wrapped her fingers around his cock and—
"Oh," he bit out, squeezing his eyes shut as he steadied his breath before it could get out of control. "That's... okay." Lucy needed to get off him or he was going to make a fool out of himself. His face burned at the thought of being caught, mortified at her possible reactions.
Would she scream? Call him a pervert? She might never talk to him again.
He frowned, knowing he might lose Lucy forever if she knew what he was thinking. Pain gripped his heart, his stomach rolling for a different reason. His cock seemed to agree that the mood had shifted, losing some of its firmness as he grew soft. If he could shut off his pesky hormones he would. It would fix some of his problems.
He was acting like a desperate, horny teenager, and he absolutely hated it.
Lucy's friendship was too important, and he wasn't going to risk ruining that or complicating his life.
"Thank you for everything," Lucy said, the strain in her voice causing him to falter. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he didn't get a chance to wonder what she was thinking. "I don't think I would've gotten this far without you."
Her words resonate in his bones. While he wanted to believe her, doubt clouded his head. He hadn't been there for her like he should have, hadn't let her feel safe enough to express her wants, like being a runner. He was the guy who tried to make her quit her job, something she said she liked.
His heart hurt, and despite knowing touching her wasn't a good idea, Natsu snagged her wrist, bringing it up to tuck against his chest. He hoped she couldn't feel the maddening pace of his pulse, but the pounding was soon drowned out by the rasp in his voice.
"I think you would've made it. You're—" An unexpected chuckle slipped out before he moved to hold her hand. Just as he thought things were getting back to normal, an urge he couldn't ignore took over. Something about intertwining his fingers with hers felt right, like he was finally sound. "You're pretty tough."
"Thanks," she breathed, pressing her forehead to his back. "I..."
Natsu let her silence carry for a minute before asking, "What?"
"Nothing. We should go back to sleep."
With a furrow to his brow, Natsu squeezed her hand. "Tell me."
"I just... I wanted to tell you something, but it might take a while, and... Well, I know you need sleep."
Deciding he wouldn't be able to sleep with something hanging in the air, Natsu said, "I'm all ears. What's up?"
Her breath warmed his back before she pulled away, Natsu having to fight every urge in his body to hold onto her hand and make her stay. He let her go, feeling like she took part of him with her.
Natsu shifted until he was facing her, seeing she moved to her back with her eyes staring at the ceiling. He couldn't tell if they were unfocused or not, but when he reached out and touched her arm, she looked his way.
"Lucy?"
She took a deep breath before grabbing his arm. He thought she would push him off her. It would have been a reasonable thing to do. Instead, she gripped him as she turned, facing away from him as she draped his arm over her body.
Natsu swore all the air in his lungs vanished. His arm was dangling over her side, his body tense as he tried coming to terms with the fact that he was kind of holding Lucy.
There was a gap between them, and he was stiff as a board, but knowing Lucy wanted him to hold her both confused and thrilled him. He slowly wrapped his arm around her stomach, his hold gentle as he waited for whatever came next.
Natsu couldn't be sure if seconds or minutes passed. He had to take a mental check of where every part of his body was, afraid of drifting too close to her. What if he got hard again while too close? There was no reasonable explanation for that.
He kept the space between them, extra aware of his hand on her stomach.
Much like he did with her, Lucy eventually seized his hand, lacing their fingers as she took a deep breath. "Earlier you said you didn't think you did much to help me..."
Was it a question? Was he supposed to answer? He held his tongue, waiting until she rubbed her thumb over his. Fire blazed through his fingers at her touch, Natsu's heart once again beating out of control. His brows pinched as he fought the feeling, denying what it could mean.
'Protect yourself,' he repeated for what felt like the hundredth time when put in a situation that might lead nowhere good, though it hadn't happened in months. In fact, the last time he had to tell himself that, it was hours before finding Lucy in that basement.
He wasn't oblivious. The reason he rejected offers for dates, flings, or casual fun was because he knew physical intimacy could lead to feelings, which would lead to romance, love, and inevitable... heartbreak.
His chest burned at the thought of that type of pain. He didn't feel that way about Lucy, but what if he couldn't suppress his newfound desire for her? What if it grew and morphed until he was facing a whole new set of problems?
Distance was his best option, but despite knowing that, he couldn't pull away. Lucy somehow had a way of making him feel grounded.
His only saving grace? There was no way Lucy would ever feel that way about him. She had been engaged to Loke, and while he overheard it was their fathers that pushed them together, they clearly had a chemistry that Natsu and Lucy didn't have.
Would never have.
Pain pressed against his chest. He wanted to roll his eyes. He was already hurting and nothing had even happened. It was all his own doing, trapped in his head.
'Focus. Lucy's just a friend. She'll always be just a friend. A great friend. One of the best. But that's it. Friend. She's not gonna wanna be with me, so there's no point in worrying. We can still hug and stuff without risking things. Besides, cuddling is normal. Holding hands is normal. We're not crossing any lines.'
Despite saying that, a shred of trepidation lingered as he waited for Lucy to find her voice.
With a shaky inhale, Lucy said, "I was hunting."
Natsu narrowed his eyes, wondering where that came from. He kept his lips sealed, practicing patience despite wanting to know what was on her mind now.
Levy stressed the importance of hearing someone out when having a discussion instead of shutting them down. It was tough, but he managed to wait.
"I'd been catching rabbits and squirrels." Lucy leaned her head back until the strands of her hair tickled Natsu's nose. He was at the edge of his pillow, tempted to move it closer to hers. He didn't, seeing as that would require him to let go of her hand. He didn't want to give that up.
"There were berries around the lake house," she said, causing Natsu's eyes to widen. "But I wasn't sure what was edible, so I stuck to meat. I was actually a vegetarian for a year before... I couldn't exactly keep up that diet. We went through the canned stuff those first few weeks. The electricity lasted nine days... Then we had to eat everything in the fridge before it went bad."
Natsu swallowed, hanging on every word. Lucy was opening up, something he wanted in the beginning but craved now. He had betrayed her trust by telling Makarov what happened to her, and although she said she understood, she had also said she would be more hesitant to share in the future.
The mix of emotions caused him to fight between a smile and a frown, chest warming while a shiver ran down his spine. He loved that she was trusting him with her past, whatever amount she was willing to share, but he also knew where her story was leading.
Lake house. Nightmares. Ivan.
Natsu didn't realize he tugged against Lucy's stomach until she scooted backwards. He barely shifted his free hand between them in time, his wrist pressing against his crotch with the back of his hand on her ass. Lucy said nothing about the close proximity. It was good, seeing as it stole Natsu's breath.
Imagining feeling the swell of her butt compared to actually touching felt worlds apart. Of course, there was nothing sexual about the moment, but he wanted to be prepared in case his body reacted. Not having to worry about that allowed him to listen as she continued with her story.
About the past that belonged to the broken girl she used to be.
"The first few days were a blur. I... couldn't get over what I saw. Eventually... V—" Lucy pulled Natsu's arm more around her, his elbow to her belly button while their connected hands rested over her chest. "V-Virgo, she... she got through to me."
Lucy's voice tapered off as silence filled the room, Natsu biting his bottom lip to keep from asking what happened next. His patience could only last so long, waiting what felt like two minutes before asking, "How... how long was it just you and them?"
Natsu felt Lucy's chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath. Despite the grim path the story was leading to, Natsu couldn't help but feel a connection, regardless how silly it sounded. How did feeling her breathe make him feel like he was part of her?
He would have laughed at himself for having such a ridiculous thought, but Lucy spoke again, stealing his attention.
"I want to say we were there for three, maybe four weeks by ourselves. It was me, my dad, and... Virgo. We didn't have a calendar... Didn't have our phones. We were in such a rush to leave the hospital, we left everything."
She let out a short sigh. "It sounds so superficial, but I miss my purse."
"Oh yeah?" Natsu asked, hearing her suck in a sharp breath. Was he able to affect her like she was him? He dismissed the idea before it could take root.
He had to be mistaken. She was just upset by the topic, it had nothing to do with them being so close.
"Yeah. I had my phone, my wallet, my make up, my notebook with story ideas." He could hear the smile in her voice. It was beyond welcome. "I wanted to write one about celestial beings."
"Like angels?"
"Not exactly. Like, spirits that come to help. I was going to write a story where a guy gets trapped as a spirit, and a girl comes across his key and she decides to help him get free, but they need to go on an adventure to find out why he was cursed and—"
She shook her head, her hair once again tickling his nose. He decided he didn't mind it.
"Anyways, I wish I could get that stuff back."
"It's at Magnolia's hospital?"
She nodded. "Yeah. I have a picture in my notebook of my family, back when we still had our farm."
"Your farm?" Natsu leaned back and up, giving her a quizzical look. Every time he thought he had Lucy figured out, she managed to surprise him all over again. What kind of life had she lived before they ran into each other at that gas station? "When did you have a farm?"
She laughed, the sound easing him back onto the mattress. In a quick movement he pulled his pillow closer to hers before putting his hand between their bodies again, allowing himself to rest against her more.
"That's a story for another day. Right now I'm trying to show you how helpful you've been."
The light feeling in Natsu's chest almost got bogged down, wondering why she was trying to make him feel better. She had the traumatizing day. Shouldn't he be doing something to cheer her up.
He still planned on doing something nice for Lucy soon. If he could pull it off, he was sure it would make her happy.
"It's okay. You don't gotta."
"I know," she whispered, giving his hand a squeeze. "I want to. It's important to me."
With that, Natsu was sold. "Okay. I'm listening."
Lucy nodded. "We stayed inside until the canned food ran out. By then the woods around us seemed safe. Our lake house was in the middle of nowhere, so there weren't a lot of people to begin with. We didn't understand what was happening. Virgo thought some kind of rabies."
She shrugged. "I'm not sure what I thought. Every time I thought about them, I remembered my mom in the hospital and... Well, I didn't want to think about it."
A moment passed before Lucy found her voice once more. "We didn't hear a peep outside except from animals, mostly birds." A hint of pride trickled into her tone as she said, "It took a few days, but my first kill was a hawk. Whatever I caught, V—" She swallowed. "Virgo dressed and cooked it. There was a lot of trial and error, but we got the hang of it."
"Where was your dad during all this?"
Her voice lost that spark. "He wasn't all there, mentally." Lucy took a long breath, pausing before clearing her throat. "I think it was a month after everything happened... I started marking days in a jour—"
"What?" Natsu asked when her voice cut out.
Lucy shook her head. "Just... thinking about him burning my journals in front of me."
"Your dad?" Natsu asked, a crease forming on his forehead.
"No... I... Ivan."
Natsu's lips parted, but he couldn't utter a word. He squeezed her hand, hoping it conveyed what he felt, even if he didn't fully understand it. Pain for what she went through, admiration for her surviving it, and guilt for not being able to fix the wrongdoings. He wanted the hurt gone, but he didn't know how to make it go away.
"I... I wrote everything that happened the few months before, hoping it would help. I thought I could, I don't know, cleanse myself of all the bad that happened."
Her words confused Natsu. 'The few months before? Before the outbreak? What the heck happened before?' He recalled the guy she was on the phone with at the gas station. As the months passed, the memories blurred around the edges. He couldn't remember what was exactly said, but it was clear a man was angry at Lucy.
He wished he could give that guy a hard punch to the face, but then he remembered Lucy broke up with Loke before the outbreak. He had no timeline for the events of her past, but maybe that was what she meant? He wanted to avoid heartache like the plague, so maybe she was mourning the end of her relationship?
The thought of Loke opened a new can of worms, recalling a conversation he had with him back in Hargeon. He swallowed, wondering if it was even worth mentioning. "Um..."
Lucy tilted her head a bit, her interest caught. "What?"
A vice wound itself around Natsu's heart, squeezing against the beating organ as he considered dropping the whole thing. However, the curiosity was now there, and she was already opening up to him. Would it hurt? Probably, but if she showed any signs of distress, he would back off.
"In um, the spirit of being honest with each other..." He didn't know how else to phrase it. He wasn't sure how any of what she said was supposed to make him feel like he helped her. He hesitated, drawing out the seconds before realizing the quicker he got the words out, the better.
"Loke... told me something."
Lucy's body went still before tensing, Natsu hearing the distinct sound of her gulping. He furrowed his brows, finding that behavior peculiar, but it wasn't exactly a normal night either. "I don't even know if it's about you," he said, feeling her relax in his hold.
"What did he say?"
"He said— I'm not judging. I promise I'm not." He wasn't sure Lucy was the one Loke was talking about when he mentioned an ex of his might have gotten an abortion. He gave no names, but apparently they were together long enough to get engaged. That probably increased the odds of that woman being Lucy.
Then again, Loke had been caught cheating. The odds were all over the place, much like Natsu's thoughts.
He stole a breath, but his lungs never felt full. "If you did, if you didn't, it's none of my business. I... don't think I know enough about the subject to even have a strong opinion either way. Just... women's rights... All that stuff. I mean, you guys know way more about your bodies than I do, and—"
"What are you talking about?" Lucy asked, thankfully ending his rambling.
"Loke said that, um... One of his ex's... he believes had a— a—" He closed his eyes, worried saying the word might upset her. "They might've... terminated a... pregnancy."
"Oh." The one word was not enough to go on, Natsu holding his breath until Lucy asked, "H-how would... he know?" The question wasn't meant for him, Lucy not waiting for a reply. "I stopped talking to him after we... broke up, so, how would he know?"
Natsu was unsure what to say, focused on the fact that she wasn't denying it. That wasn't to say she needed to deny it. He knew that subject wasn't always so black and white. He had seen many kids in foster care and at the orphanage, knew there were too many kids needing to be adopted.
He understood what it felt like to be unwanted. His brother and him were removed from their parent's custody many times when he was young. He didn't remember much, a few memories sticking out through the blur. His best vivid memory was when he saw them last at the age of five. They had dropped Zeref and him off at an orphanage, telling them to be 'good boys' and that they would see them later.
It took a while for Natsu to understand that his parents weren't coming back, and although he blamed them for abandoning him at such a young age, Igneel helped him understand some people weren't ready to be parents. His case file said his parents were struggling with poverty, alcoholism, and drug abuse. They had already been in rough shape with Zeref. When Natsu was born, they took a nosedive. In the end, they decided to leave their kids in the state's care.
Looking back, it was the best thing they could have done, even if it hurt knowing his parents weren't able to try harder for them.
With that, Natsu understood parenthood wasn't for everyone, and he was curious, but he didn't need to know Lucy's motives for terminating. He almost told her never mind to the whole thing, but she hadn't closed up, hadn't withdrawn. He wanted to know what happened to shape the woman before him. Lucy was a puzzle he wanted all the pieces for, and the fact that she was willingly giving him the clues had him feeling closer to her, even if the topic was grim.
It made him want to share more about himself with her, but his past wasn't nearly as complex. Sure, he was orphaned at a young age, and he lost his adoptive mom to cancer shortly after they became a family. He lost contact with his brother well before the outbreak began, but other than that, nothing unusual happened in his life.
Still, he was ready to fork over anything she asked, whether it was about him or not.
"Did Loke say how he knew?"
Natsu's throat tightened, worried about telling something Loke told him in confidence, but his bond with Lucy was stronger. If it came down to it, he would pledge his allegiance to her in a heartbeat.
It would always be Lucy, Natsu feeling an undeniable pull. She was one of his best friends, and he hoped they would have a lot more time together before they inevitably met their ends.
He held her tighter, terrified of that day.
"A mutual friend said they suspected."
Lucy blew out a frustrated breath. He tensed, worried she was upset at him. "I bet it was Cynthia."
Natsu raised a brow, body slowly relaxing when he remembered that was the name of her roommate in college. She had mentioned her once, but Natsu had a tendency of remembering things Lucy told him about her past. Well, he tried anyway. Lucy fascinated him, and he loved gaining more knowledge about her life.
"He didn't give any names."
Lucy nodded, voice hesitant as she said, "Y-yeah... I'm still— Sometimes it's harder dealing with than others... Most of the time I... I don't think about it, honestly. Um, but... Um. I'd rather not talk about that right now."
"Yeah, of course," Natsu rushed out, heartbeat wild in his chest. "I'm sorry I mentioned it."
"It's fine. That's uh, just another story for another day."
The fact that she wasn't throwing up 'dead end' signs like she had six months ago meant a lot. He hadn't destroyed the trust between them. Damaged it, yes, but there was still something there. He would prove he was worthy of her trust, moving closer to settle his forehead against her hair. It was soft and smelled nice, his body sinking further into the mattress.
"Take all the time you need," he breathed, feeling heavier.
If it wasn't for her voice breaking the silence, he might have fallen asleep.
"Thanks... Anyways, Ivan burned my journal after reading everything I wrote. I thought writing it down would make me feel better, but hearing it back..." She shivered. "Especially in the high-pitched voice he used, it just... It made me feel sick. I... I don't know what his goal was."
"I honestly don't think he had one. I don't remember the technical terms, but he was pretty much deemed clinically insane." He stole a breath, wondering if she knew what he was about to say. "His nickname was actually... Insane Ivan."
He wasn't sure how he expected her to react, which was why her silence haunted him. Natsu felt a need to fill the void. "He got sent to a mental hospital. We all thought he'd rot in there."
Lucy jerked in his arm, Natsu on high-alert. "What?"
"Nothing," she said, but he could hear her hesitancy. "It's just... my dad... they left him to rot... on the floor."
"Damn," Natsu muttered, because what else was he supposed to say? He could only hold her tight and swear to keep her safe, even if she didn't want his protection. It was there whenever she needed it.
"I found a deer that day. A fawn, probably six months old." Lucy's body grew tense. "It would feed us for a while, especially if we could dry out the meat and make jerky."
"You know how to do that?" Natsu said, more interested in stalling than hearing the answer. He didn't want what happened next to be a reality, but there was nothing he could do to change the past.
"No, we didn't, but I figured we'd give it a shot. I... I brought the fawn back to the lake house. It was heavy, but I carried it over my shoulders. I... I barely made it back."
"Did you run into trouble?" Natsu asked, causing her to shake her head.
"No, but the weight was awful. I was slumped over the whole way back. More of a reason we shouldn't have gone after that deer today."
Before they could dive down that topic, Lucy carried on. "I was so relieved when I got back. Dropped everything on the porch. My bow, the deer... I didn't think much about any of it since no one was around. It had been so quiet."
A moment passed before Lucy found her voice. "I walked in and said something like 'I'm back', but no one answered me. I walked around, couldn't find anyone. Dad was usually in the living room in his chair, zoned out, but he wasn't there either. I thought they were both in their rooms sleeping, but then I... I heard something." She paused once more. "I... I went into the kitchen."
Lucy's grip tightened on his hand, borderline painful. "It... happened so fast, or slow. I... I—" Her voice cut out as she took a shaky breath. "I couldn't even process what I saw right away. My dad and V..." She swallowed. "Virgo, they were both tied up on the floor. There was... was blood, but they were alive."
Lucy fell silent after that, Natsu waiting her out. He gently shook his fingers from hers before cupping her hand, holding her tight in an attempt to soothe whatever plagued her mind. He couldn't understand. He had never been through something as traumatic, but he could be there for her now. He held her against his chest, breathing her in as the seconds ticked by.
"They were gagged." Her hollow voice sent a chill down Natsu's spine. "They were trying to... to tell me something, warn me. But, it was too muffled. I—" Lucy shook her head against the pillow. He imagined her eyes squeezed shut as she forced the words out. "I didn't even get a step towards them before I was knocked out."
Natsu jerked, hating what came next. He didn't want to interrupt her, but he knew, he knew the answers he had wanted so many months ago were only going to hurt. He wished he could take away her pain, her horrid memories of Ivan, or anything that harmed her in the past, but he was useless.
He could only give her his support, but it didn't feel like enough.
"They hit me on the back of the head... I never found out what they... they hit me with, but it left a knot there for a week, maybe two, or maybe it was just a few days? I don't... After they showed up, time just seemed to stand still."
"I'm sorry," Natsu whispered. "You... you don't gotta finish if you don't—"
She was already shaking her head. "I told Grandeeney all this, I just, I want you to know too. I trust you."
Natsu's eyes widened as a force hit him square in the gut, only it wasn't painful. He couldn't comprehend how her words made him feel. It was both light and also carried the weight of the world at the same time. If he wasn't already laying down, he would've been knocked off his feet.
"I honestly don't like feeling like this... This vulnerable, but." Lucy started shifting, Natsu letting her go as she moved to her side, facing him. His lips parted, noting she was mere inches from his face. He didn't know what to do with his hands, one lying awkwardly in front of him while the other hovered over her.
Lucy reached, hand fumbling beneath the blanket until she found his. She clasped his hand in hers before setting them in the sliver of space between their bodies, her expression hard to see in the moonlight.
Maybe if he backed away he could see her better, but he couldn't find it in him to move a muscle, grounded to that spot as he kept her gaze. He didn't register the panicked beat of his heart, the way his stomach rolled, or his body sweating with nerves. Everything in the world rested in Lucy at that moment, Natsu nearly jolting when she finally spoke.
"You make me feel safe."
Words wouldn't form, Natsu stunned silent as he made out her faint smile in the darkness.
"I said I forgave you for telling Makarov about Ivan, but I think I was still holding onto some... I don't know, discomfort?" She let out a laugh, but it lacked humor. "I want to be a writer but sometimes the words just don't come out right."
"I think you're making perfect sense," he said, earning a nod.
"Thanks. I just, I want to talk to you about stuff. You're..." She swallowed, tightening her grip on his hand. "You're so important to me, and I want to share things. Not everything all at once." She let out a breath that he felt on his chin, reminding him how close they were all over again.
"We'd probably be up all night," Natsu rasped, clearing his throat before scooting a few inches back. If he didn't get some space, he was probably going to start squeaking when he talked.
"And then some," she said. "Anyways, I'm... I'm getting kind of tired and I know you are too, so I'm going to wrap this up for now. Basically, after Ivan showed up, things went to hell fast. Tonight... I woke up from a nightmare about that day, all the... the blood, the screaming, my dad dying, V-Virgo..."
Natsu couldn't imagine seeing his dad die. The concept alone had his chest tightening and his heart aching. That was probably a sliver of what she felt.
Lucy took a few deep breaths. "I fought Ivan... a lot," she said, causing a trickle of pride to seep into Natsu's chest. He hadn't thought anything else could fit in there with all that pain.
"You did?"
She nodded. "He tried to break me. Would chain me in my room for hours... maybe days at a time. I don't know, he blocked the windows with blankets. I couldn't tell how long I'd been locked up."
With a shaky inhale, Lucy said, "You saw the scar, right?"
He wished he didn't know what she was talking about, but he couldn't deny it. He removed her shirt today. There was no ignoring its brutality. "On your stomach?"
"Yeah." Lucy paused, eyes falling between them before returning to his face. "I fought him, tried to escape." Her brows furrowed as her teeth clenched, her voice thick as she explained how Ivan cut her repeatedly in the same spot so the wound was always fresh and tender. He wrapped the chain around her stomach tightly. It made it impossible for her to move without hurting, reducing any chance of her escaping.
She even mentioned her fingertips becoming bloody messes as she tried taking the screws out that grounded the bed to the floor. She had been unsuccessful.
"I want to say the last... few weeks, gosh—" The tremble in her voice had Natsu letting go of her hand, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her closer. She pressed her face into his chest, letting out a muffled cry as the first tears fell.
He wanted Lucy to be strong and fierce, but she also had wounds on the inside that wouldn't be healed with the snap of his fingers. He had to take the good with the bad, because it was all part of Lucy until she worked through her demons.
"I g-gave up," she mumbled, fingers gripping his side. He hadn't realized she was touching him back, but the thought disappeared when she let out a choked sob.
"I... I feel so stu-stupid, so—" Lucy sucked in a sharp breath as she turned her face towards the mattress and screamed. It was muffled, but that didn't dull the pain in Natsu's chest. He gnashed his teeth, hating that he couldn't do more for her.
"You're not stupid," Natsu said, reaching up to brush his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down. It took a while before it worked, Lucy's shoulders shaking until she relaxed minutes later.
"Oh god," she mumbled when she pulled up, wiping her hand against the wet spot on the bed. "I made a mess."
"Don't worry about it," Natsu said, not thinking as he brushed the pad of his thumb against the tears clinging to her cheeks. He couldn't imagine what she had been through. Even hearing her telling it wasn't enough to fully understand, but he knew one thing.
"You're a survivor," he said, moving his palm to cup her cheek, keeping her head tilted up so she wouldn't shy away. "No one can ever take that away from you."
Her bottom lip trembled as she nodded, eyes glossy with unshed tears. "Wh-when I... I was locked... locked up—"
She closed her eyes, a few tears springing loose before she scooted closer to him, arm wrapping around his body to hold him close. He accepted the embrace without question, running his hand along her back, hoping it brought her some semblance of comfort.
"I... h-had a lot of time... time to think, and—" He didn't have to see to know she was speaking through clenched teeth, probably trying to hold off more tears. "Y-you popped up, a lot."
"Me?" Natsu asked, brows furrowed as he tried to pull back and look at her face, but her tight grip didn't allow it.
She nodded, Natsu feeling the slight movement of her lips as she spoke against him. "At... at the gas station. You..." Lucy swallowed. "I was j-just a stranger, but... you were s-so kind to me, I just—"
When she looked up, Natsu swore his heart cracked. His first impulse was to retreat, to stop the chance of that crack getting any deeper, but then Lucy sniffled. He might as well have been cemented to the bed. He wasn't going anywhere regardless of the pain.
"Were people not kind to you?" Natsu asked, fearing the answer.
She swallowed hard. "I broke up with Loke because he was cheating... I... I made such a stupid mistake trusting someone..."
"Loke?"
Lucy shook her head. "No, someone else. He... He—" She couldn't finish, and he didn't press. "Afterwards, I kept to myself. My friends, people I thought were my friends anyways, they stopped talking to me. I... I guess it goes both ways. I didn't reach out either, but they only wanted to party and laugh and smile and I was just... I wasn't in the mood for any of that. I just wanted to keep my head down, so they stopped talking to me, stopped inviting me out."
She took a few breaths, brows pinched. "I found out I was... pregnant." Her words lingered for a moment before her tone took a sharp edge. "I didn't want it to happen. Someone I thought I could trust... He... got me drunk and..."
Natsu's eyes narrowed, his heart sinking as she confirmed his suspicions.
"He t-took advantage of me. I... I couldn't have given consent. I don't even remember it happening. Just, flickers of that night, but it's all so fuzzy."
Lucy shook her head. "But it didn't matter. The damage was done, then when my dad found out, he was furious." She blew out a frustrated breath. "He acted like it reflected poorly on him, thought I was out of control and college was to blame."
Their lives were so different Natsu had a hard time grasping that concept. Igneel was supportive and understanding, and had never been furious with Natsu. Even when he accidentally broke windows while playing baseball or scratched his dad's car in high school. He was positive he could have gotten a random girl pregnant and his father wouldn't have treated him poorly.
How could Lucy's dad be mad at her for something that wasn't her fault. Unless—
"Did he know?"
He didn't elaborate the question, but Lucy still understood what he meant.
Shaking her head, she said, "I don't think it would've mattered. I'd overheard him before, saying women shouldn't drink so much. I told you about him bailing me out of jail once for public intoxication, right?"
Natsu nodded, so she continued.
"He would've blamed me one way or another, because regardless of how it happened, it happened. But, I don't know, maybe I'm not giving him enough credit." Lucy slowly inhaled before sighing. "As soon as he found out, he made an appointment at his hospital that same day."
"His hospital?" Natsu asked, causing her to stiffen.
"The one we always went to," she rushed out.
"Oh." Natsu almost asked if her dad was a doctor, but that made sense. Magnolia hospital was his hospital, even if he had no affiliation to it besides being a patient.
"That day was a blur. The only thing I really remember is it was May fifth."
A crease formed over Natsu's brows as he tried digging through his brain, wondering why that day sounded familiar.
"And I got my IUD in."
Natsu nodded, remembering Lucy writing that down for Grandeeney. It felt like a lifetime ago.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that."
She shrugged, but the hurt in her voice was undeniable. "Like I said, most days I don't think about it. At least, not lately."
"Must have been a hard decision to make," he offered, unable to relate. His toughest decision was what he wanted to do with his life, and even that wasn't too much of a struggle.
"I didn't get a choice."
"What?"
Lucy cleared her throat. "My dad... He made it for me, but... I didn't fight it either." After a pause, she added, "I didn't get to make a lot of choices for myself growing up. Hell, I didn't even get to pick archery as an extracurricular. I'm just glad I ended up enjoying it, but a lot of things I had to do, I didn't like. I had to go along with it."
Natsu wondered for a moment if she was trying to avoid delving deeper into the topic of her abortion, but when she said that last part, his heart sank. 'It must have hurt when I tried taking her choice away too.'
He didn't get a chance to open his mouth before Lucy said, "I don't really want to unpack all that right now. It's already so late, and—" She yawned, and despite the seriousness of the conversation, the sound was kind of adorable. "Just, you and... Virgo, were the only ones who were genuinely kind to me those last few months."
Lucy sighed. "My mom wasn't mean to me, but she was distant. I know she was dealing with her own stuff too, problems with my dad and his company... I know she was busy. Every day she was at the gym trying to fit into this stupidly small bikini my dad's assistant bought her the month before, and the maids were whispering and talking about a possible affair."
Lucy shook her head. "Anyways, I know she was preoccupied. I... I honestly think if I had more time with them, we would have worked it out, but—" She shrugged. "We're only given so much time, and we don't always get to do everything we want to do."
Natsu held her a little closer, hoping their time together was nowhere near finished.
"I had a lot of shitty months before the... the outbreak. I disappointed so many people, m-my family, but then you..." Lucy leaned in, hugging him once more with her cheek pressed against his chest. There was no way she couldn't hear his rapid heartbeat. "You were so nice at that gas station. You actually stood up for me against that guy who—"
Natsu's eyes were blown wide. He had spoken to the guy who raped her? Who got her drunk then forced a pregnancy on her? His blood burned, but then Lucy snuggled against him. His resolve crumbled, wanting to protect the present Lucy since he couldn't help the one from the past.
"Us meeting, talking, you buying me that drink... it wasn't anything significant, but on those shitty d-days, I remem—" She swallowed, probably fighting tears. He was in a battle of his own as his eyes pricked. "I remembered you." She let out a dim chuckle. "That guy with the crazy pink hair and silly tattoo."
Natsu couldn't help but laugh, spurring Lucy on. "You were so odd yet so nice... You... You were the guy who was kind when he didn't have to be, and... just—" Her voice cracked. "I just don't... I don't want y-you thinking you haven't helped m-me. You have."
Lucy's nails pressed into his back as she clung to him, but Natsu couldn't register anything but her voice and the way her body moved as she breathed.
"You've helped me more than you'll ever know. Gave me hope that there were still kind people out there, and that maybe things weren't so helpless. Just..."
She sank against him, almost in defeat. "Just, remember that, okay?
Natsu couldn't respond for a moment, his voice lost and head muddled. She was right. That moment was insignificant in his life, but it had somehow gotten her through something no person should ever have to experience. He had given her hope? It was beyond words, so he held her close, nodding as he breathed, "Okay."
What he wouldn't give to go back in time and snatch her up at that gas station. Of course, that would have freaked her out, but if he had any chance of sparing her from what happened with Ivan, he would take it. He would trade years of his life if he could go back for just a few seconds. Tell her to run away or give her some type of warning.
He couldn't, and the cold reality hit him like a ton of bricks. The past was written, but their future held opportunities. Lucy had a real shot at healing, and it didn't matter if she sought comfort in him, Grandeeney, Levy— 'Hell, even Hibiki.' Whatever Lucy needed to get better, he hoped she got it.
She deserved to be happy, Natsu feeling so much light within her.
"Thank you for everything," Lucy said, voice almost back to normal.
He held her close, refusing to let her go as long as she wanted his comfort. "Thanks for trusting me," Natsu whispered.
"Thank you for letting me put my trust in you."
Deciding he didn't want to get caught in a circle of gratitude, Natsu said, "Anytime. Honestly." He moved his hand high on her back, thumb strumming against her shirt while some of her hair tickled his skin. "You're always welcome here."
"I'm glad," she said, Natsu detecting a hint of a smile in her voice. That crack in his heart didn't feel as daunting, knowing she would continue to improve while at Fairy Tail, surrounded by people who cared about her.
Lucy must have known what he was thinking, hugging him tighter as she said, "You feel like—" Her voice cut out when Happy jumped on the bed, padding his way up Natsu's leg before laying in the valley where their stomachs touched, under their arms. Lucy scooted back, allowing Happy to dip between them. He was already purring, the sound peaceful, even if Natsu wished he was still pressed against Lucy.
At least he still had a hand on her.
"Our friends are my family now," Lucy whispered, her face still against his chest. "But you and Happy, feel like home to me."
Natsu lost his breath. He would have recovered from that quickly, but then she gripped his side tighter, conviction thick in her voice as she said, "I love you both."
Natsu's world came to a screeching halt. It took seconds, maybe a minute to process her words, but when they hit, they hit hard. He swallowed, fear infiltrating his mind.
His father's voice pierced his mind, repeating the same words he heard at the age of twelve. "I wish I never fell in love at all."
Natsu's panic doubled, but he managed to talk himself down. 'She doesn't mean she loves me like that. Of course she doesn't. She lumped me in with Happy! It's like how I love Happy, and Erza, and Gray, and our other friends. There's nothing to freak out over, so just calm the fuck down already.'
Despite the obvious, he couldn't get his heart to stop racing. Knowing she heard it didn't make things easier. Natsu shifted his hand to her head, cradling her against him. His fear was strong, but he knew there was nothing to worry about.
"I think I speak for Happy when I say we..."
Still, admitting something like that was difficult for Natsu. He loved his friends, but he wasn't sure he had ever told them. When he spoke, the words felt weird, but oddly fitting. He didn't want to lose her, wanted to stay by her side and share in all the good times and the bad. He wanted to be in her life, so that had to mean—
"We love you too."
He nearly stumbled at the end. Natsu kept reminding himself friendship was the only thing on the table. There was no reason to panic. Even if he was willing to risk the heartbreak, which he wasn't, it didn't matter anyway.
Lucy would never see him as anything more than a friend.
So, if he wasn't willing to take that risk, why did his heart feel like it had been punctured?
"Things will get better," Lucy said, more to herself than him. "Today just... knocked me on my ass." Natsu resisted the urge to snort, finding it weird yet funny hearing her cuss, but she soon sobered him up. "The nightmare didn't help, but things... They'll get better."
"They will," Natsu said, unable to fully dissect everything he learned tonight. Even if he wasn't exhausted, he would still struggle with all the new information. "Are... you ready for bed?" he asked, wondering if she was going to pull away.
It both excited him and terrified him when she stayed in his hold. "Yeah. I'm tired."
"Me too," he whispered, adjusting his head until the crown of her head rested under his chin. The urge to kiss her hair arose, but he ignored it. There was already too much in the air, and his stomach was doing strange flips as he tried putting his weird feelings to rest.
Natsu took a deep breath, Happy's purrs between them as he whispered, "Sleep well."
He heard the smile in her soft voice as she said, "I will. Good night."
Natsu's chest tightened, hoping when he woke up the next morning, everything would be back to normal. "G'night, Lucy."
.
.
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Long author note warning.
It only took 70 chapters, but they said they love each other! Of course this is in the platonic/familial way... right? :P Anyways, she sought out Natsu in her moment of need because despite all they've been through, she trusts him more than anyone else and there's no one else she feels safer with.
Hope y'all are ready for the time skip. We're looking at a 5 week jump. (We're also getting Lucy's POV next chapter, which will cover a bit of her thoughts on Everlue's house and what it contained)
Sorry it's taken a while to get to this chapter. In my personal life I started a medium-sized renovation project, but only a few hundred dollars in I realized even with my savings and personal loan, I wasn't going to be able to finish the project I set out, so I scraped the idea. My new idea is to just save until I have the money to finish the whole project, which will take over a decade, especially since I still want to have fun and travel, get tattoos, commissions, collectables, etc... but I'm good with that. So what if I can't do laundry here or the house shakes when we walk through it. It's almost 100 years old. There's bound to be a few problems here or there. Anyways, last month that project kept me pretty busy, but since I'm not doing it anymore, I should have more free time for writing. (I already have over 2K written for the next chapter)
Thank you so much for your patience! I hope this chapter was good for you. The next one is kinda filler-kinda not. It's in Lucy's pov, kinda catching up with her thoughts on things and leading into what's coming next. A warning, but kinda not since we're 70 chapters in so you probably guessed by now, I like filler stuff. I like that day-to-day in between more climactic scenes, so there will be filler sprinkled throughout. Hopefully less as the characters get more developed, but I like seeing the characters interact with each other, touch base, etc. Sorry if that's boring to some. The option to skim or skip a chapter is always there.
Oh! I got my first vaccine shot. Gonna get the next one this week. I got the Pfizer one. Anyone else get vaccinated against COVID yet?
So, like I did for FTGO!, I started reediting this story. I'm going to do it on AO3 10 chapters at a time, then update on this site before going to the next 10. I want to clean up some loose ends, make the foreshadowing better, make it smoother, and also change some things that didn't sit well with me. For example: Natsu slut-shaming Sherry in chapter one. It was small, but it didn't suit the story or his character well. Also, I changed Max's motivation for leaving base. Instead of practicing being a clearer in an area that was already clear (dunno what I was thinking) I had Max impatiently go visit his parent's grave because he was tired of waiting until Natsu could go with him.
Also, I realized just having Natsu suppress his hormones for no real reason didn't make sense, so I'm going to change his motivation for suppressing that side of him. He saw how badly it affected Igneel when he lost his wife, and he's now scared of heartache. Igneel almost lost a fight to depression, and Natsu thinks if he avoids relationships/sex, then he'll protect himself from getting hurt. I feel it's better this way and gives him some actual motivation for not giving an attractive person a second glance or not being interested in anything casual. Chapters I've already reedited will have a * in front of the chapter's title, then after I go through and reedit it all, I'll go back through and reread it to see if I missed anything. I reedited FTGO! twice and still found mistakes I missed, so I know one pass through isn't enough. The changes in CHDH won't be drastic. I just want the story to make more sense.
Also, there's another way to kill zombies. If they destroy the heart the zombie dies, but it's often much harder than a simple blow to the head, so they rarely do that. (I'm talking destroyed, not just a stab to the heart. The thing has to be mangled to actually kill the zombie) Small changes, but I feel it makes more sense overall. Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and what I have in store for the next!
What did you think of this chapter? Once I asked a guy friend if I could cuddle him and it was so nerve wracking but kind of liberating. (Nothing sexual happened with him, ever, haha) I went home with him after he'd been drinking and we talked for hours and then went to sleep in his bed, and about ten minutes later I woke him up and asked if I could cuddle him platonically, (he told me prior that he cuddles with a lot of his friends in bed) and he said yes. It was comforting, probably because I had been so used to sleeping next to another person for years then suddenly was without? I don't know, but I wanted to incorporate that a bit in this story. People can and do ask for cuddles, and while it can be awkward, it can also be nice.
I finally beat Days Gone. I still have some side quests and some hordes left to defeat, but I'm done with the main storyline. Got some ideas from the game since... well, it's all about zombies and survival stuff, haha. Anyone else play that game? At first I never thought I could take on a horde, and now I wish there were more because I don't want it to end!
Lucy's story idea about a guy trapped as a celestial spirit is an idea I have rolling around in my head, but I dunno if I'll ever get to it. FTGO! and CHDH are my priorities. Everything else is a maybe.
Thank you so much for your support! I appreciate every favorite, follow, and review! Shout out to those awesome people who gave me feedback last time: Wadeparker, kkurtenbach5, SwordBlaze221, Abi6ail, SheWhoLeavesCrappyReviews, BeachBumBabe, sakshishetty3003, AJ, stranger1999, dareaderreads, Dezez, AGreen2222, ElementalMiko12, SistershoOk, valerioux, jenna0509, abauers14, shootingstarssel, coalaperson, CelestialDragonSlayer222, Stellar Spirit Mage, catchastar101, Skibblez, car213, Patricia, theunicorn22, Tohka123, guest, Xfangirl123X(x2), Melz87, sthokat, darkestangel944, shrinemaiden05, Senowica, CathJorda, Copperreign12, Duchixx, Patpat, Bookwork129, Sam, MissYukkina, aly2. 0, FlameDragonHime, Doginshoe, CrazyZaika, okru, Deiloa, DraGonS3aL, guest, and Guest!
Up next, Chapter Seventy-One: Let it be grand- Part One (I already know this next part of the story is gonna be long, so I'm anticipating cutting it in half)
Natsu's going to do a grand gesture to really apologize to Lucy (for how he treated her when he found out she wanted to be a runner). Any ideas on what it might be? I've left some hints scattered through the last few chapters. It'll definitely take him weeks to put it together since he can only work on it in his free time.
Sneak peek for the next chapter because I think it's funny. Lucy's getting a bit... frustrated:
Lucy was going to have to sleep in her own room tonight. There was no way she could ignore the persistent ache between her legs, her fingers twitching at the thought of relieving that annoying pressure.
A reoccurring fantasy of hers flashed through her mind, one where Natsu pushed her up against a wall, his piercing green eyes holding her more than his grip on her hips. Then he leaned down, stealing her breath as a moan caught in the back of her throat. The fantasy always changed after that, Lucy now imagining his hands skimming her sides, bringing her shirt up with him.
She swallowed, wishing that could be her reality, but it would only stay in her imagination. Hell, she would settle for Natsu running his fingers softly through her hair as he held her, much like he had five weeks ago. It had been so intimate, especially with her sharing so much of her past.