Chapter 71: The Truth is Out

Meredith marched the length of the psych corridor with a firm step. She was through with the worst day ever. Even after Derek got off the elevator, safe and sound, she had a lot on her plate to deal with; all the time anxious to travel two floors up and face Dr. Wyatt.

She walked past several people waiting in the corridor. Apparently, it was a stressing day for everyone, psych was working overtime. She impetuously opened the door to the office and strode in.

"Meredith, I'm with a patient," said Dr. Wyatt, looking up at her from under her glasses.

Meredith turned towards the said patient and barked, "Get out."

The young woman on the couch gasped in surprise, her lip trembling dangerously, and shot out of the room while Meredith took the place contentedly.

"Where's your bedside manner, Meredith?" scolded the older doctor. "That woman struggles with severe issues, much worse than yours. It takes a lot of hard work to make her open up to-"

Just as suddenly as Meredith popped on her doorstep, they experienced another interruption. The girl was back, red all over her face.

"Just so you know," she addressed Meredith with a tiny high-pitched voice. "It was rude! Just… rude, that's what I think!" She whirled on her heel and bolted out, leaving a completely stunned Dr. Wyatt behind her.

"A lot of hard work, huh?" smirked Meredith.

Dr. Wyatt rolled her eyes and eyed her curiously, "Shoot, I'm listening."

"Well, my hospital experienced a bomb threat today," she recited at one breath. "One of the squad members was killed with the said bomb, a nurse got injured… Seriously, who goes after a guy who's carrying a live bomb in his hands? Well, apparently Nurse Rose does... which makes me ask a question whether she has enough common sense to take care of patients-"

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt put an end to the verbal diarrhea. "What did you want to tell me so much that you threw a patient out of my office?"

Meredith took a deep breath and said gently, stopping to beat around the bush, "I've got my homework done."

Dr. Wyatt observed her shrewdly waiting for her next words hopefully.

"The bomb… the bomb did my homework for me," went on Meredith. "I told you I felt like I would die today. I was right. I would have died today if something happened to Derek."

She considered her next words staring at her hands, only to look back at her therapist. "I love Derek. I've known that quite some time, even before I told him but I… I underestimated what it meant. It doesn't go away; it can't be controlled… It's… a force to be reckoned with."

Her voice shook slightly but she continued, "I won't forget about him, the feeling won't pass. Because I do love him, like no one else. Life without him hurts."

Dr. Wyatt gave her a relieved smile, "I'm glad you realized and accepted your feelings, Meredith. It was time."

"I don't know if I'm equally glad," she chuckled slightly. "My denial strategy has just flown out of the window and crashed it's neck against the sidewalk."

"Finally! Have you talked to Derek yet?"

Meredith went listless. "What for?" she asked weakly.

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt pierced her with her regard. "You've just admitted you love Derek, that it hurts to live without him."

"It does," nodded Meredith. "It doesn't change the fact that he's better off without me. "

"Meredith," Dr. Wyatt shook her head. "You're… like a patient dying slowly alone while the love of your life is in the room next door."

"Look, I know how hard it is to live with pain every day. I do know that perfectly well," said firmly Meredith raising her voice.

"Do you?" inquired the therapist. "It was different with Chace. He was dead, you didn't have to see him every day, talk to him, work with him-"

"I know that!" Meredith raised her hands. "I know how hard it would be for me to function alongside Derek. That's why I've made a decision."

Dr. Wyatt leaned back into her armchair waiting impatiently to hear what Meredith Grey came up with this time. She had a feeling she wouldn't like it.

Addison wondered how many calories she managed to burn pacing up and down in front of Meredith's office. Her patience was wearing thin as she waited and waited and waited. She knew well enough that her friend had no more professional engagements this evening. Where the hell Meredith was roaming now rested an enigma. At long last, Addie heard the characteristic fast clicking of her heels and Meredith turned up from around the corner.

"Finally!" she rounded on her.

"Addie," frowned Meredith. "I-"

"I don't care what you what!" warned her the redhead. "We're going to talk and we're going to talk frank! No bullshit! No more lies and excuses, Meredith! I saw right through you! You do care for Derek, you never stopped caring for Derek. Don't you deny that! You were at your wits' end today; you were a puddle of mush at his feet-"

"Seriously," Meredith cut in, somewhat disgusted. "Stop yelling."

"I won't stop yelling, Meredith Grey-"

"Come in," said simply Meredith and moved aside to let Addison inside.

"I- Ok," she nodded disconcertedly. "I have no idea what happened to us," she sighed. "We stopped talking altogether… I should have nailed you ages ago; I should have-"

"Addie," silenced her gently Meredith sitting down behind her desk. "Before I tell you anything, just remember you're my person. You're not Derek's person, you're not Mark's person. You're my person and you should be on my side."

"Ok," nodded Addie with a tiniest of frowns.

"Ugh, where should I start?" Meredith let out a deep sigh swinging her chair from side to side.

"Maybe from the moment when I stopped to comprehend anything?" proposed Addie. "Like… Derek's birthday? You seemed so happy."

"I was," confirmed Meredith, her finger tracing the edge of her desk. She was so happy at that time that even now it brought warm tingles over her skin. "I was in love; I was ecstatic and then… I saw… Derek and Gretchen Miles sharing a kiss," she spewed out, the memory making her nauseous.

Addison's jaw slacked down. "What?" she shrieked. "That's… that's impossible! He would never…"

"I know," nodded Meredith. "Now, I know he would never. It was all Gretchen's doing, she threw herself all over him like I knew she would."

"I can't believe it!" breathed out Addison. "I… I… You're sure you… it was him… and… and her?"

"I'm absolutely sure, I witnessed it firsthand," answered Meredith curtly. "Not the sight I'd be ever able to erase from my brain, even with the use of bleach."

"Okay, okay," muttered Addie trying to wrap her mind around it. "But you've just said it wasn't Derek's fault?"

"I kind of overheard them talking… okay, eavesdropped," she admitted. "What I gathered from their conversation was that she tried really hard… without much success."

"That…" Addie trailed off looking for a good word.

"Sucks," finished for her Meredith.

"How long have you known about it?"

"A few weeks," she shrugged.

"A few weeks?" repeated Addison disbelievingly. "And you've done absolutely nothing-"

"Addie, me and Derek, it's over," stated firmly Meredith. "Our relationship is deceased, I killed it myself. Let it rest in peace."

"That's… morbid," shook Addison.

"Well, I was compared to a dying patient today," chuckled Meredith.

"Mer, please, give it a second thought," she pleaded. "You love Derek, Derek loves you, it's really basic science."

"Don't try to persuade me, it's hard already as it is. You're supposed to be on my side!"

Addison shook her head but reached a hand over the desk to squeeze Meredith's.

"If it hurts so much, why don't you-"

"It does hurt but…" the rest of her sentence hung on the tip of her tongue. Dr. Wyatt didn't approve of her idea and it was painfully certain Addison wouldn't either. "I might be gone soon."

"Gone… where?" stammered the redhead squinting her eyes, completely baffled. "You're taking a leave? A vacation?"

"No, I ah… I might resign."

"Sorry… what?" asked Addison for the hundredth time that evening. "You want to quit? We can't quit!"

"It's true, we can't," agreed Meredith. "But I can. You found your place here, Addie. I would never ask you to leave it behind."

"You can't… you can't…"

"I can. I'm old enough, I'm strong enough to be on my own."

"God, Meredith, you're serious!" Addison rushed to her feet, resuming the pacing. "Where the hell would you go?" she faced her friend, her hands falling limply to her sides in defeat. "You're thinking about going back to New York?"

"No, that chapter in my life is closed. I'm considering two other options."

"Two options? My ears are open, Meredith," Addison shot sarcastically. "I'm listening."

"So, Doctors Without Borders… but I don't know if I'm committed enough…"

Addison rubbed her face determined to wake up from the dream she was having. "And the other… option?"

"Private practice. You know I had lunch with Sam and Naomi when I was at that business trip in Los Angeles. They want to expand."

"Tell me… that you're joking, please, Mer," laughed Addison. "I don't believe… I can't believe you'd abandon the position of Chief, everything you've worked for!"

"I've tasted it," shrugged Meredith. "It's lost its appeal for me. Besides, maybe another person's direction would prove more beneficial to Seattle Grace."

"Of course, it wouldn't!" Addison protested violently.

"We'll see."

"What does that mean?"

"We'll see when the rankings come up," replied calmly Meredith. "Just one week left."

"So, what exactly are you saying?" Addison demanded clarification. "You're jumping the ship if we're lower in the rankings than the last year?"

"I'm doing what's best for this hospital," smiled leniently Meredith. And Derek.

"Sit!" growled Mark as he once again pulled Derek's arm down.

"I've just wanted to order a beer," excused himself Derek.

"Sure," snorted Mark taking a long swig from his bottle. "You haven't even finished your first round yet. Chill out a bit, man. Addie isn't here yet. That can mean two things, either she's still wrestling with Grey or she's already lying in a pool of blood."

"You've got too much to drink," commented Derek morosely.

"You too little," came the uninventive riposte. "You're alive, you should be in a festive mood."

Derek looked around the bar with a sigh. Everyone else clearly enjoyed themselves celebrating the relatively positive outcome of the bomb episode and waiting for the midnight to strike and bring the New Year. Joe's was bursting at the seams with Seattle Grace staff, taking part in what looked like a contest to get wasted as soon as possible. Currently, Cristina Yang was probably in the lead.

"I know everything!"

Derek jumped in his seat as Addison's yell trying to shout over the merry crowd reverberated in his ear.

"I've got good and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?" she hollered.

Before he had any chance to react, the music died down and someone's very drunk voice shouted on top of their lungs, "Shut up, people! The vagina head's dishin' outtt on Chief an' Shep!"

"Coming here was such a great idea," reproached Derek scowling at Mark as Seattle Gracers huddled around them, surprisingly quiet giving their inebriated state.

"Whatever," muttered resignedly Derek looking up at Addison. "What do you know?" Whatever Addison discovered would be circling down the drain in no time. The gossip of this level of juiciness couldn't stay quiet for long, as simple as that.

"Good or bad news?" asked Addison sitting down across Derek and Mark.

"Good of course!" said Mark. "He's been like a lost kid for more than a month. He almost died today. Another blow would kill him."

"So, the good part is that she still loves you-" The deafening whoops and cheers all around him made Derek wonder if his hearing was left unimpaired. He felt his excitement grow by the second though he held back with expressing his enthusiasm as loudly as his friends. There was still bad news to be announced.

"She told you that?" asked Derek when the party calmed down a little.

"She did," nodded Addison. "If she broke up with you it wasn't for lack of love but because… she saw you kissing another woman," finished clearly Addison as she cocked her head throwing him a searching slightly reproachful glance.

This time, shocked cries sounded from every corner of the bar and Derek cringed at angry noises.

"Bastard!"

"Two-timing asshole!"

"Aaaaass!"

"Ooops," Mark raised his eyebrows swallowing another gulp of beer.

"I didn't-" started Derek but was effectively cut by Addison.

"Think carefully what you're going to say," she warned him.

"Yeah, you better," breathed Mark eyeing the fuming crowd mistrustfully.

Derek closed his eyes for an instant as Gretchen's face drifted in his memories. The whole kissing incident became so small and insignificant that he completely forgot about it. How ironic, it was seemingly the epicenter of the catastrophe. "Gretchen…" he sighed burying his face into his hands. "I didn't, I didn't kiss her!" he assured quickly straightening. "She kissed me; I didn't kiss her! I need to explain-"

"Sit down," ordered Addison. "Meredith knows that. She knows it's not your fault, she knows it's all Gretchen's doing. Although, I personally think you should have never allowed such a situation to occur."

"What a bitch!" They heard Izzie Steven's angered opinion.

"Iz, maybe you shouldn't have the next round," Alex tried to take her shot glass from her resisting hands.

"Does anybody know the whore's address?" someone asked viciously. "We could send her lice in an envelope!"

"So, where does it leave me?" demanded Derek soberly. "If Meredith knows all that, why isn't she here?"

"Because… she regards your relationship as dead," said Addison sympathetically. "I tried to reason with her, she doesn't listen. She repeats that it's all over and it will be better like that for everyone in the long run."

"Poor thing!" one of the nurses sobbed emphatically.

"She was absolutely devastated today!"

"It doesn't matter," threw Derek feverishly. "I need to talk to her! Now I'm sure, I'll be able to communicate with her!"

"Wait, Derek," she stopped him dejectedly. "There are more pressing matters. It's time for the bad news."

"I thought the last bit was the bad news," ranted Mark. "What could possibly be worse than the fact she doesn't want Shep?"

"Maybe the fact that she's leaving?" shrugged Addie sarcastically, followed by another series of stunned outcries.

A cold chill ran down Derek's spine.

"Yer freakin' kiddin'!" cried Cristina drunkenly, supported by Owen's arms hooked around her waist.

"Not kidding," said seriously Addie. "If Seattle Grace is down in the rankings, she's "entrusting the steers into more capable hands" as she put it."

"Damn, that's actually… bad," Mark shook his head.

"Does anyone know how we're standing?" asked Owen reasonably glancing over his colleagues.

"O'Malley!" yelled Cristina.

"O'Malley! O'Malley!"

"We're actually pretty go-" started George from the booth he occupied with Callie.

"Don't say that, you'll jinx it!" growled Mark. "There's only a week left. What's done it's done. We can at least be on our best not to screw that up."

"We can do some more pro bono," Izzie thought loudly.

"I guess," agreed Mark.

Cristina burped soundly and hiccoughed, "Weerr keepn'er!"

"Yeah, we are," chuckled Owen and placed her arm around his neck. "And it's your bedtime, princess."

The bar was once again filled with noise, shuffling of numerous feet and screeching of chairs as everyone started to pay their dues or look for their coats dejectedly.

Joe and Walter stood behind the counter watching transfixed as the throng of medical staff filed out into the January coldness. Walter stopped his boyfriend's hand as it kept cleaning the same glass for the past twenty minutes, his mouth agape.

"Wow, it was actually better than that hit medical drama," said Walter in awe.

"Yeah," nodded Joe and looked at the large clock on the wall which now indicated five minutes past midnight. "Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year, Joe," nodded Walter. "It's going to be one hell of a year; I can feel it in my bones."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."