Chapter 33 – Simul
May 17th, 2545 (15:35 Hours – Military Calendar)
Epsilon Eridani System, Reach
Csaba Mountain Region, Viery Territory
Falchion Base
:********:
Even though it was only a few days, it felt like years since the last time Epsilon had laid eyes on Falchion. Regardless, it hadn't changed much if at all since when they'd left weeks earlier.
It was springtime and the maple-leaf organization of the 7th Shock Troops Battalion's base of operations was waiting for them. The ammunition storage facilities, commissaries and training facilities were all well maintained, their usual operational staff and registry officers hard at work inside. Falchion's mess halls, hospitals, restaurants and fortifications were occupied by Military Police, facilitative personnel as well as transiting Marine, Army and Air Force units headed to different locations around Viery. The base's surface-to-air missile systems monitored the skies, overlooking the masses of transport craft that had for the past two hours been landing in abundance on the outer helipads.
To Duncan, it still had that hometown feel that just couldn't be replicated. After learning how to sleep anywhere, from alleyways to stretchers and from flooded water tower lounges to the break rooms of abandoned corporate headquarters, he was more than ready for his bunk. Spending several days on an operation bed in the Tower of Babel's med bay helped amplify that governing desire for real rest.
Over the course of the last three days the destroyer made multiple slipspace jumps, routinely slipping in and out of the alternate spatial dimension to check for any pursuing Covenant. Thankfully none ever appeared and the consecutive trips back to Epsilon Eridani were decently smooth. Duncan spent most of the journey having medical staff helping him through a temporary paralysis that one nurse explained was normally indicative of neurogenic shock. Apparently, he'd received a minor spinal injury when his back was slammed into the Seraph after just barely avoiding a Banshee's torpedo during the HAVOK delivery. It wouldn't have been sufficient to paralyze him, however, so he was instead diagnosed with a brief yet severe stint with a form of conversion disorder. Major portions of his body's motor controls had essentially gone offline after suddenly being affected by an agent of psychological distress, or so the doctor explained it. The only 'agent' he could think of was...seeing the blast, and knowing who all was down there.
He was told that he was lucky it wasn't neurogenic. Otherwise, he would've stood a higher chance of having important organs stop functioning like his lungs, heart or brain.
Still, because the affects were similar, they treated it as if it were the more severe case. They nursed him back to health on intermittent, intravenous treatments of Intropin meant to slow his heartrate to normal levels in the morning. At evening, they used Atropine to do the same thing while combating the negative nerve agents introduced to his system by his 'breakdown'.
Everything worked together to make his head feel fuzzy from dawn to dusk. He was barely ever coherent enough to speak. It made him wonder if this was how Yuri felt after getting drugged following his taking one too many Brute spikes on Miridem.
He was grateful for Nova who stuck around with him for most of the time that he spent awake. She'd tell him about how the rest of the squad was and assured him he would make it, saying so even while he could do little more than blink in response. The rest of Epsilon checked in on him as well from hour to hour. Aside from Nova, Zack made a habit of visiting the most. He pestered him with semi-humorous jokes about how he was doing the whole 'shock trooper' thing wrong; being shocked rather than shocking everyone else. Thankfully, Nova ensured his visits stayed short.
Duncan spent much of his sojourn meditating on two topics: Actium and home. With the first, he repeatedly went over in his head if he should have stood up when Mars-Actual asked for volunteers. If he should've delivered the HAVOK in the first place and if there was anything he could've said to Reece that might have convinced him to come back. Those thoughts never got him anywhere except in a bed with a rising heartrate that attracted the worried attention of Nova and the nurses. His mind drifted infrequently to that apartment in Chicago where Erica and Noah undoubtedly still were. They were waiting for him there. It pained him just to think of how long ago it was since his last call. He worried that she might think something terrible happened, that he was wounded, missing or worse and having no way to find out aside from a UNSC telegram. He knew what it felt like getting a visit from those officers that told him about his father. Remembering how his mother reacted, it was the last thing he ever wanted Erica to experience.
His sole relief was in staring out at the darkness of slipspace beyond the windows, and at the silver ring on a finger of his left hand. It still shined, as it did that day at the graveyard of old Saint Mary's Catholic Church. In all that time since heading for Camp Ravenport, then through some journey between hell and this life, he'd rarely ever taken it off. It was one of his few reminders that he had a life outside of all this.
Near the end of the first day on the Babel he promised himself that he would get in contact with Erica the moment they got back to Falchion. He would apologize his heart out for going so long without a single word for almost a year. And he would make it up to her. Someway, somehow, he would, for her and for Noah. He would stop being the Helljumper he'd trained to be if only to become to them, for however long he could, the husband and father that he hadn't been for so long.
That drive combined with the Intropin and Atropine therapies strengthened him overtime. By the morning of the second day, he was able to move his head to look around. By evening, he could speak and move more freely. Upon the morning of the third day as they arrived in Epsilon Eridani, he was sufficiently stable for them to discharge him.
With a few stumbling starts he walked out the med bay on his own two feet. Nova stayed right next to him just in case. On their way to joining the others at one of the Babel's hangers he asked her why she'd stayed to watch over him. She explained as straight as day that one, he was her teammate. That was just enough for her to check on him regularly. What made her stay was her own promise to one of her closest friends that she would help her husband survive out here in the 7th Battalion. She didn't plan on letting that friend down. Since he lagged a bit behind her he wasn't able to see her face, but he knew she was just as concerned about Erica as he was. Though she didn't see it, he gave her the first genuine smile of appreciation that his face could make in days.
They linked up with Epsilon in Hanger Bay-4 where a number of other ODSTs and Marines were also assembling for the disembarkment. Everyone was dressed in their unit's normal fatigues. The squad of course gathered around to check on him the second he walked over to their line. Save for the Staff and Deaks, they all asked with jeering looks mixed with genuine concern if he was feeling okay. He assured them that he was, although Renni didn't seem convinced until she'd asked him about every drug they gave him, when and in what doses. It took a few close-up examinations of his eyes along with the veins in his neck and arms to satisfy her. She never did strike him as the easily trusting type, not even of specialists in the same field as hers.
Deaks merely gave him a welcoming nod. The Staff patted him on the shoulder like a father would a kid down on his luck.
Before long, the Babel's captain informed them that they were in geosynchronous orbit over Reach. A minute later they received the greenlight to start the disembarkation. Epsilon was one of the first squads to get a ride off the ship.
The trip to Viery was a little under an hour, during which Zack saw fit to bother him about how he felt while on drugs. Then he would routinely bring in Yuri to compare their experiences, Duncan with neurogenic stimulants and Yuri with Waverly class augmenters. He ultimately decided that he preferred Yuri's 'trip' to Duncan's since rumbledrugs made him feel near invincible. While decent entertainment for everyone watching, it also made them just a bit more worried for Zack's future.
"Thank God he's with us then." Nova had said. "He already told me once that he knew what methane was like for Grunts because he'd sniffed their gas masks before. At least this way we can keep him from getting sent to rehab."
"This is his rehab." The Staff added.
Zack flushed red with embarrassment at the round of mocking laughter that followed. "Hey-hey, wait a sec, when did I ever say that? Don't be so quick to judge me for something I might not-"
"You told me yourself during that op in Aratus Sulfi." Nova assured.
Hector jumped in. "You said you were open to new experiences, remember?"
"I-" Zack looked ready to interject only to have his argument struck down by his own memory.
"I what?"
"...I still don't regret it."
There was another bout of laughter as the rest of the squad warned him not to end up being a druggee on literal, alien meth. It broke the initial tension Duncan sensed when he first approached them in the hanger. But he couldn't help noticing that at no point in the flight did they ever ask him about his delivering the HAVOK. It was still hanging in the air. So was his obvious discomfort at being inside a Pelican's cargo bay this soon. At least for the hour that they had, he was also happy to avoid the topic himself, for now.
Soon their hour was up and the pilot informed them that they were about to land. They got on their feet with their duffels. However, Hector offered and took Duncan's bag to make life easier for him.
They felt the Pelican land and watched its rear door descend into a ramp. The Staff led their single-file march out onto the helipad and down to Falchion's outer streets.
The first platoons to arrive were predominantly from Alpha and Bravo companies. Waiting for the first batch of over a hundred returning ODSTs were four convoys of Warthog troop carriers. From there, it was a short drive back to their company housing details for what was the beginning of a much-deserved rest and relaxation period.
:********:
It was the end of the 7th's tour of service in Orion for that particular season of the war. Direct orders from UNICOM had come in ordering the mandatory R&R period after nearly two years of continuous deployments. Other battalions such as those from the 65th Shock Troops Division would take their place as a QRF from Reach should the need arise. Until mid-June, the 7th Battalion would be free to recuperate. It's men and women could now visit family members on distant worlds who they might not have seen since 2543, that is if they actually had any family. Many that didn't were making plans to travel somewhere around Reach to enjoy their shore leave or to simply stick out the remainder of their mandatory rest around Falchion.
But for Garrison, there was never much of a decision in the matter. He was a battalion CO. He was in charge of the 7th and would remain so until the very instant that he wasn't. His life consisted of constantly looking out for the wider scope of the war while keeping the best interests of his troopers in mind. It was something he didn't mind doing either. Maybe some would have called him a career officer, and they wouldn't be wrong. However, being with his Helljumpers was always more than enough for him. They were all family in their own right. He'd make sure to keep their home spick and span for their next tour.
During the ride back from the outer helipads he got his Warthog driver to drop him off at the Center. Using his clearance, he made his way up the main elevator which stopped to let him off into the Coronary. Inside the logistics room, the several dozen Military tech personnel were still working at their individual stations. They were of course organizing supply lifts, routing air traffic and unit transits to and from the base along with delivering and receiving situation reports. It was business as usual.
A few noticed him walking in and saluted. One, the heart and soul of Falchion, was intent on making his presence known by appearing in front of him in a burst of digital pixelization. It took only a split second for the base's AI to manifest himself in his usual 11th century chainmail armor adorned beneath a Scottish Kilt.
William materialized himself in an instant to the colonel's right. Wilding his longsword like a cane, he pensively twirled the hairs of his brown beard as he examined Garrison. "You've been a real chancer, haven't you sir?" He asked, his accent gentle. "You seem to have grown paler in the two weeks or so since last I've seen you."
Garrison smirked as William's image floated beside him down the central walkway. "I won't lie to you on this one, Will. We almost had it, almost."
"It being Actium?"
"I want to know, what do you think?"
"Well, if the reports from HIGHCOM are anything to go by it seems that the operation was a major success."
Garrison side-eyed him. "Really. How so?"
"The official report through UNSC channels are that Actium was a partial victory. Though we lost the planet, we managed to deny the Covenant a special base of operations within critical striking distance of our remaining colonies. While it certainly didn't win us the war, it definitely might prolong it long enough for us to figure out a winning strategy."
"Winning strategy." Garrison tasted the phrase, finding it sour. They reached the tactical planner at the Coronary's center, a new addition to the room meant to replace the old holotank projector. The colonel grasped it by the front edges and leaned over the dark surface, thinking. "I don't know if there's any such thing these days." He turned to William. "We thought we were winning on Actium with that counter-attack. The next thing we knew, days of endless firefights on street corners amounted to us abandoning the cities we'd just captured. And that was us getting the better end of the deal compared to folks in Preveza."
"Sounds like a dreich state of affairs." William replied with such an emphatic empathy that it made him seem more human than most who were.
Garrison thought back to that final briefing in the Luna Alta, of how he'd shaken Mentieth's hand as a send-off. "It's sobering. That's all."
"Sobering perhaps, but also inspiring. Colonel Mentieth and his 53rd Armored Division will most likely go down in history for what they did."
"Rightfully so, after Waypoint sanitizes their story that is. Give it enough time and he'll get the hero treatment they gave Cole, announcing his death to the public months after it happened while saying what he did in sacrificing himself for everyone else."
William scrunched his eyes at him. "But doesn't he deserve it? I might not have been on the ground with you laddies, but judging by the after-action reports that ONI is allowing to be disseminated, his division destroyed three of the largest staging grounds ever encountered by the UNSC. That's major, easily on par with Psi Serpentis."
"I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it." Garrison ran a hand through his whitened hair. "What I am saying is that I'm noticing a trend. Those heroes that we keep making, why is it that they always end up dead? Its striking to me that we can't have popular heroes that stay alive. Which do you think is a better role model for aspiring soldiers and Marines?"
William leaned in from behind him. "People need their heroes, colonel, dead or alive. They inspire them to fight on to whatever end."
"And what if there is no other end except the end? I'm getting that sense more and more with each planet we lose. What's our ratio, five losses for every victory, five colonies burned for every one we manage to save? I fear that if we keep making heroes, we'll all die heroes. And soon there'll be nothing else left." He remembered seeing the image on one of the screens of the Babel's bridge as the HAVOK detonations tore through Actium's atmosphere. "Nothing but dead heroes and glassed planets."
The seriousness with which he finished his sentence made William reappear on the planner in front of him. "Look at me, if you would sir."
He did.
"I am not this man that I portray myself to be, quite obviously. I saw fit to base myself on someone who was a hero to his own people. Yet in the course of his cause he was hanged, emasculated and eviscerated. He got to see his enemies burn his own extracted bowels and manhood on a fire before they decapitated and dismembered him. Still, even though he was utterly destroyed, his legacy was remembered as one who sought freedom for his own people. You can argue the justice of that. What you can't argue is the conviction it took to endure what he did. I honestly don't believe he saw himself as a hero, more a man standing for something bigger than himself, which in turn made him seem big to those around him. For any soldier or Marine, even if they can't do anything other than die fighting, can we really ask them to do much more than that?"
Garrison was staring at him the entire time, listening with an intentness that was never betrayed by his stoic demeanor. He folded his hands over his chest and closed his eyes to think on it. "I don't think William Wallace was as long-winded as you were just now, and I hope to God he wasn't while they were emasculating him." He opened his eyes. "But maybe you're right. So what you're basically saying is that we just need enough people to die fighting in order to win then?"
William's expectant gaze dropped to a look of disappointment. "I'm saying that we simply need as many people to give all they can and to do all they can, which I hope will give us the upper hand in the end."
"Hope, huh?"
"Hope, sir." William affirmed. "At the end of the day, it's only ever cliché because it's something we can't ever escape from. It's all we've got."
"Then I hope you're right." Garrison said and switched topics just as quickly. "What's the status of things here at Falchion since I left? I want the run-through, no long speeches."
A smile dawned on William's face. "Certainly." His image disappeared then reappeared on the side of the tactical display as the device came online. A moment later, four holo-screens were projected into the air in front of them with information scrolling across their surfaces.
"There's been a spike in business lately. However, I can boil it down to several tasks and external requests in need of your immediate attention." He showed each status report in turn. "Firstly, transfers for the Army's 122nd Division are requesting to use Falchion as a temporary disembarkation point. Their ship suffered some damage during their jump from Prozyion to here so they're in need of a place to drop their troops for the next two days while they make repairs. Secondly, Lochaber Base is requesting to use some of our pads as practice landing points for their retraining efforts."
"Lochaber?" Garrison interrupted. "Aren't they big enough for us to be the one asking them for that kind of stuff?"
William shrugged. "They've been receiving additional flight crew and materials since the surge we saw from the Cole Effect last year. It can't really be helped."
Garrison whistled at the idea that such a thing as being maxed out on space was remotely possible for a place like Lochaber. "Alright then, go on."
"After that, it's just a few important maintenance requests. There's been a problem of water shortage in Alpha Company's Jigoku Building for about three days now and the maintenance staff haven't been able to fix it. They'll need special equipment from Lochaber to help deal with the plumbing due to how extensive the issue is."
"I guess we can ask them for it in exchange for their flight practices. What's last?"
William held out a hand which drew one of the screens closer. "Last is a number of civilian requests to visit the base to see loved ones in the 7th. Because of how frequently the battalion's gone out on deployments there are a number of persons that came to see them. I've approved the requests of a few for lodging at the civilian residential building after running extensive background checks on each of them. However, there are still a good amount requiring your own approval now that you've retaken the throne."
Garrison nodded, sighing at the thought of how many people might have come to Falchion searching for loved ones, and how many might be disappointed when they found out that said loved ones hadn't come back with them. "Seems straightforward then." He mentally prepared himself to send out both approval notices and telegrams. By mere chance of relation, he thought back again to Mentieth and most of his battalion. Whoever was the unfortunate soul or souls that had to type close to 12,000 UNSC telegrams were probably going to have a harder time of it than he would.
"You've done all you could, Mentieth-old boy." He said under his breath. "Now let me do all I can."
He took in a deep breath then got to work issuing orders, request approvals and other operational procedures that would help keep things running at Falchion.
:********:
The Dante Building was quiet, or at least 1st platoon's floor was when the elevator doors opened to let Epsilon out. The mazework of double bunk beds and metal lockers occupying it worked to amplify the silence. At any normal point there would be other members of the platoon sleeping, talking or messing around. But since Miridem, that stopped being a reality. After Actium, the other floors would likely experience a similar problem.
The Staff stayed in the lobby to talk with some of the workers about getting equipment lockers for Mito and Renni while everyone else went up to their floor. The moment the elevator doors opened, they fanned out to their bunks.
Deaks set about immediately adding his newest collection of teeth to the stringed amalgamations hanging from his bunk. Rico went to take a much-needed shower with a few conditioners he'd stolen from the Babel's bathrooms which he hoped would restore his faltering mohawk. Yuri gave Mito and Renni a tour of their new space since it was their first time being there. He showed them to their bunks and got Hector to agree to give them a wider tour of Falchion, hinting at a potential visit to the magma pool later in the day. Zack just lounged about, waiting for Rico to finish up in the showers so he could go with him to the nearest mess hall for lunch.
Duncan had different plans. He was only coming to drop his duffel at his bunk. Then he would make a bee-line for the communication's cubicles on the 10th floor.
He would have done just that had his fatigue not settled back in like curtains drawn over a window. Feeling the softness of the mattress, he was tempted by the overwhelming desire to lie down on the first proper bed he'd gotten in weeks. He tried to resist. Ultimately, his exhaustion won out and he sat down. Defeated, he lay his face into his hands and fell into a twilight zone between consciousness and sleep. Those therapies had done more than get him on his feet and he could feel the price of it tugging at his eyelids.
"Hey, you okay?"
It was Nova. He peered through the grating of his fingers and saw her walking over in visible concern. He waved her away. "I'm fine...I'm..."
"No, you're not." Nova said as she stopped in front of him. "You want to go contact Erica, don't you?"
Duncan again peered at her through his fingers. He nodded at length.
"But you can't, can you?"
He hesitated, then reluctantly shook his head. He felt an empathetic hand rest on his shoulder.
"She'll be there, Duncan. She's not going anywhere and neither are you. So, contact her when you've got the strength."
"It's been almost a year since she's heard from me. She doesn't know where I've been, what I've been up to or if I'm still alive." He peeked out at his red-haired comrade.
Nova looked unimpressed, like an older sibling trying to warn a younger one not to push himself too hard. "Listen, you've got the time. Just take it easy. Like I said, neither of you is going anywhere. She's still on Earth and you're still on Reach. If it's already been a year then another hour for you to get your strength back won't do any harm."
"You'd think so."
She squeezed his shoulder. "I know so."
Zack looked over from a short distance down their lane of bunks, having listened in. He grinned. The elevator behind him chimed to signal its arrival on the floor as he called out. "You know, if you're that in need, I can send a message to the misses for you, Irish. How about it?"
Duncan could immediately sense the lack of honesty in the offer. "No thanks."
"Alright then, you're lo-"
Zack winced as something small grabbed his lower left leg. He looked down behind him to see two young, light green eyes staring up at him, too young to be an ODST or even a teenager. The chubby face, curly dark hair and the fact they only stood level with his thigh sold the effect.
The toddler was dressed in a buttoned, denim blue shirt, black jeans and a pair of white kid's tennis. He cocked his head to one side at Zack as he tugged at his fatigues.
"Ugh, hey."
Not liking the answer that he got or simply losing interest, the toddler let go of his pants and walked on into the room with a look of innocent curiosity.
"Who's...wha-...wait what?"
Rico walked in, fresh from the showers and dressed only in a towel wrapped around his otherwise naked and steaming frame. He was on his way to his locker when he also crossed paths with the toddler. The kid looked at him but didn't stop, much unlike himself since he was so caught off guard. He looked around. "Ugh, who's little niño is this?"
The others in the room looked from their bunks. They were equally surprised to see the kid moving about. He seemingly came with a purpose since he kept looking at each new face that he passed, as if searching for someone.
The squad collectively held their breaths when he ran into Deaks. The corporal was sitting in his bunk, wiping a hand towel across his meat cleaver as the kid bumped into his leg.
Deaks fixed him with a scrutinizing gaze that pinned the newcomer in place. He leaned in closer and with knife in hand, proceeded to point Silver Buddha in the direction of Duncan. "Your dad's that way, kid."
Epsilon breathed easier the moment the boy took the hint and smartly corrected course, understanding the directions better than anyone expected him to. Deaks went back to cleaning his knife but stopped to see two figures stepping past, following after him.
Nova saw the toddler come into the small clearing between Duncan's bunk and Rico's. She immediately slapped her squadmate on the shoulder as she stood up starry-eyed at the child.
Duncan slowly arose from the covering of his hands. The very moment that he did, his eyes locked with those of the toddler. His fatigue disappeared instantaneously. What arose in its place was an emotional firestorm that centered around the kid, intensifying as he smiled back at him. He watched the little boy struggle with barely contained joy, bouncing and bobbing ecstatically on his legs. His face beamed with an energetic, baby-toothed grin before he jumped excitedly in the air. He tried to say a word as he ran at the bed and managed to yell it out just as Duncan opened his arms to him.
"Daddy!"
In that instant, what amazed Duncan most wasn't that he recognized his son without ever having seen him in person, but that his son could recognize him the exact same way. His breath became shaky and tears formed in his eyes as his kid happily jumped into his embrace. He hugged him close to his chest, feeling the heat of the little bundle of a boy that he called his own.
"Noah?" He asked hoarsely. He didn't need an answer. Neither was Noah ready to give one as he returned the hug two-fold and wrapped his arms around his father as tight as he could. "How did you get here? When did you-"
It took him those few seconds to notice the other two newcomers.
The Staff walked into the space baring a proud smile that he'd never seen on him before. To his right, Nova was smiling, chatting with and gesturing at someone else walking into view.
Time dragged itself along.
Duncan's blue eyes widened at connecting like magnets with those of emerald green, smooth locks of long blonde hair framing them on both sides. It was like watching a dawn sun coming into view, peeling away the blanket of night that for the longest time had resided over his mind.
He recognized her. She recognized him. It showed in the way both their faces slackened in awe of the other, then grew brighter, dropping off the weight of everything that came before.
"...Erica?"
His voice cracked. He flushed red not only with embarrassment at it, but with an unbridled joy he didn't think possible. In that moment, he experienced a happiness he'd never known.
He shot onto his feet with Noah held in one arm. Seeing her chance, Erica rushed forward. The two met in the middle and embraced. They nestled deep into the crux of the other's neck, holding on tight.
He felt something giving way within him that suddenly evaporated as her chest made contact with his, as he ran his hands down the smooth hair running over her back. He'd forgotten what that felt like, to hold her this close to himself. He savored it.
He heard her say "Duncan" in a voice shaky like his.
They gradually pulled away and saw that they were both on the verge of tears. He took in the sight of her. She was wearing a white blouse, blue jeans and white heels. Seeing her alone left him altogether speechless.
His jaw shifted open to get his voice out as he saw the first tear roll down her cheek. "How did you-…, when did-"
She cut him off by connecting her lips to his. He closed his eyes, relaxing at feeling the calming softness as she lay a gentle hand on his chest. Inside, he felt himself melting away at her touch. He wished he could stay that way.
A small hand pushed at his face. They broke off as Noah rather jealously pushed him away. Then he turned to his mother and pointed at his own face emphatically. "Hmph, hmph-hmph."
They laughed at him.
"I guess the little guy wants attention." Erica jeered.
"Maybe." Duncan planted a kiss on his son's forehead. He was more than pleased at the look of inner confusion that briefly flashed over Noah's face before morphing into an amused giggle. "That's more like it."
He turned to Erica. "Hey."
She flashed her eyebrows at him. "Hey."
"Want to tell me how you two got here?"
"I might." She looked back to the Staff and nodded at him. He returned the gesture and started ushering Nova and the others in the opposite direction. "Would you like the short story or the run-around?"
Duncan saw word spread throughout the squad as they glanced over at them and started moving for the elevator. Zack shouted: "You won't get away with this, Irish! Pretty soon I'll have one of my own too-" Nova shoved him along to get him moving. She looked back to jab a warning finger at her fellow tech specialist, a signal not to mess up this chance.
"I think I'll take the run-around." He gestured back to his bed. They both settled down. She took Noah back to let him sit in her lap. Amidst the noises of their kid trying to get a better view of his dad, Erica was silent.
A quietness took hold of the space between them. He felt the weight of their conversation become heavier. Watching her pick through her words in her head like she was doing made his worries come to the forefront. What had she been doing while he was out of contact? Was it a rough time for her and Noah? Even worse, he couldn't help himself from thinking she hated him for it, disappearing for months on end with no explanation. Despite that it made no sense after she'd already kissed him, the worry remained. His inner fears grew at hearing Epsilon leave in the elevator to give them some room.
Anxiety burned a hole through his stomach as she finally finished gathering her thoughts.
"It's been rough these last few years for you, hasn't it?" She asked earnestly without turning to him. "I don't mean to avoid what I was supposed to tell you about how we got here but-...
He could sense the sadness creeping into her voice and it pained him. It hurt when she turned her face to his so that he could see the emotion on it. He tensed up at recognizing the same expression of quiet love and strength that she'd shown him back when he was standing over his mother's casket. It was one she had probably worn regularly for these last two years, but not for his sake.
"I just...wanted to know...what happened to you and why I-, I didn't hear from you for so long. That's all."
Duncan felt like he was in heaven one moment then hell the next. The somberness in her tone tortured him without any intent to. "You were worried?"
She nodded. "About you, and where you'd gone."
In an instant the revelation blew him away. He knew why she would be worried but couldn't have predicted her response. Just as he was starting to pull himself back together, again he felt the dam behind his eyes ready to burst. "You came all this way...looking for me?"
Again, she nodded and looked to be in the same strain of holding back her feelings. He knew what that really meant. In all her life, for the length of it that he knew her, she never once chose to leave Sol for anything. Not a single opportunity in the colonies could convince her to go. She always said it was because her family was on Earth, that that made it her home. So for her to be here on Reach was enough to make him throw his face into his hands and break down crying.
She'd cared that much.
Liquid warmth came pouring out from him as he couldn't hold it in anymore. He wept. His body quaked with each subsequent sob that wracked his being.
Noah asked something along the lines of "Is daddy okay?" that only brought out more tears. Erica hushed their toddler son and placed him on the bed. She shifted over to Duncan's side and started rubbing his back comfortingly.
A minute passed before he could stop himself. He peered over his shoulder at her, his face warm and wet. "You know, I should be the one doing this for you, not the other way around. I'm the one who made you wait forever to hear from me." His face hardened. "Even then, I didn't call you. You ended up coming to me first." He looked away, covering his eyes, grinning at the absurdity of it and crying all the while. "What kind of a man does that make me, huh? I bet a piss poor excuse for one."
He heard her start up as well. Through his sobs he saw her absorbed in her own crying. Only, she looked straight at him as she did it. Her glistening, green eyes paralyzed him.
"That's not it." She said through gritted teeth trying to form a smile. "It's because I know you. I know how you can be, how you beat yourself up for things that you can't control. It's not the first time you've done it, but it looks like you've been beating yourself up about this for a long time already."
His eyes widened.
His mind, momentarily blank, returned to a crisp clarity that made him understand why she was looking at him like that. She believed something that he couldn't believe about himself then; that he was trustworthy.
"How can you say that?"
She finally mustered the strength to smile. "Like I said, I know you. I know you wouldn't stop checking in on me unless it was something you couldn't help." Her smile brightened into an emotion he couldn't fathom: amazement. "Because that's just the way you are."
He stared at her in awe. Inside, something shifted around, bringing a warm feeling where before there was only growing numbness to an inner cold.
He sobbed once more. Yet there was a change, a mixed battle between outright regret at what he hadn't done and genuine gratefulness at what she'd done to him.
Erica slipped her hands around him and lay her head on his shoulder. He felt her forehead rest against his and he leaned onto her.
Together, they cried.
He hadn't realized how much he really missed simply having her close to him. Years on end with entire star systems between them was making that painfully clear now. But he gave thanks to whoever was watching out for him out there that it hadn't been enough to truly separate them. His thanks manifested in the water streaming from his eyes that mixed with Erica's at the point where their faces touched. She was doing the same, pouring out pent up emotions kept guarded for this very moment.
Steadily, the flow of their tears changed, melting from a shared sorrow to a quiet joy of just having the other there with them. They stayed there, enjoying each other's closeness again.
Up to that point, Duncan noticed their hands were near. He dared to reach out to hers. Halfway there, he hesitated. Then she also reached out. Bit by bit the two of them folded their hands into each other's.
A feeling of relief washed over him and began turning him to her. Before he knew it, they were looking into each other's eyes again. Gravity seemed to pull them together into a long, stilling kiss. Something deep within poured out from him to connect with her and her to him in a way that went beyond words. They savored it for however long they could.
Soon they pulled away for air.
Doing so allowed them to see Noah standing on the floor in front of them, looking curiously at them. He held up his arms.
"Awe." Erica said. "I think our little man really is jealous of all the attention you're getting." She reached over and hoisted him back onto her lap.
"If I were him, I'd be jealous too."
Noah looked expectantly between them. Almost reading his mind, the two leaned down, kissing him on both sides of his face. He giggled riotously and clapped his hands, earning another amused laugh from his parents. They watched him crawl up to a wobbly stand using his mother's shirt then went on to kiss her on the cheek. He reached tentatively over to Duncan who gave him his arm to balance with. Noah waddled over to his father's side, held onto his shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek as well.
Duncan chuckled at how close he'd come to his right eye and Noah simply laughed along with him at having accomplished his goal. Erica laughed too.
For the first time in their lives, father and son were able to hug each other rather than look from the distance of a camera on some device. It made the entire occasion feel surreal to Duncan. He held Noah by his sides to lift him around, making jet noises with his mouth that more than pleased his son as evidenced by his excited giggles. Erica looked on in a renewed spirit, enjoying watching them go at it.
The Iris Family was together again, now with its newest member.
It only hammered home more than ever before the fact that he was a father now. He wondered if this was what his own dad felt every time he came back home. He always knew his dad loved him but figured he would normally want to go back to active duty before long. Now, being in his shoes, he found it that it was the opposite way around. He wanted to stay and get to know the kid that he'd only barely seen for nearly two years. And also...
He settled an ecstatic Noah down between them. "Hey, how does he know me so well?"
"What?"
"He knew my face. It's like he came in looking for me. How did he know to do that?"
"The better question is how couldn't he?" Erica's smile widened as she examined her son. "Almost every day before I dropped him off at daycare, I would show him a picture of you. I wanted him to know what you looked like so when a day like today came along he'd already be comfortable calling you daddy."
"Daddy!" Noah parroted and held his arms out to them.
"My God, that's cute." Duncan admitted, picking him up to bring him close. He felt his son instinctively wrap his arms around his neck and lay his head on his shoulder, as if it was something they always used to do. Even to Duncan, battle worn as he was, it felt natural.
"Amazing, isn't it? He's just meeting you and already he can't let go."
"I think that's more so your good parenting skills than mine. You've been raising him this whole time."
She leaned over to rest her chin on his available shoulder. She whispered into his ears. "Or maybe you're just that lovable."
The words lit a fire in his chest that made him grin. "Hey now, the last time I was this lovable we ended up making you know who."
"I guess we did."
He felt a change in her tone from a playful wistfulness to deep thought. Then a small hand landed on her forehead. The two of them glanced back at a jealous looking Noah. He was tapping his hand on his mother's forehead with a hint of aggression. "Bad mommy. My daddy."
They laughed again.
Though as Erica sat back up, she looked longingly at the two of them. Duncan could sense that something was amiss. "What's wrong?"
"Huh, oh, no I-... was just thinking."
"What you thinking about?"
She peered between him and Noah for a moment before her gaze fell to the floor. She swallowed and inhaled sharply. "I'm sorry."
Duncan felt a wave of confusion wash over him. "About what?"
She nodded at the third member of their family. "For not telling you that I was carrying him."
Comprehension grew on his face. So too did compassion. He held Noah closer. "It's alright. I understand why you did it."
She looked to him in rising hope. "You...do?"
"We talked about it before back at Ravenport, remember? You knew if I found out about him that I wouldn't have left." He looked over Noah. "And I never would have become an ODST. But thanks to you, I got to do it. Besides, I know you. You wouldn't have done it without a good reason, right?" He winked knowingly at her.
The memory took a second to register for her. When it did, she smiled. "I remember you saying your only real worry was that you wouldn't be there for the birthday. You did get to see it though. Then you said you were worried about never getting to hold him yourself." She nodded at their son who was wrapped protectively around his dad's neck.
"Yeah." He sighed in a thankful note. "Good thing I was wrong then, right?"
"Now don't get too relaxed. You still made me a promise that you would come back to us."
He arched a brow at her. "But, I'm here."
"Ahah." She wagged a finger at him. "That promise was made when we were on Earth. As far as I'm concerned, it will only count when we're there."
He looked at her exasperated. "You do know I can't guarantee when the next time will be that we go back there, right?"
"I know."
"So it's easier for me to do it here.
"No."
He was dumbfounded. "Why-, why not?"
"Because...I don't want it to count." She said, rubbing her shoulder. "Because I want you to keep that promise as long as you can." She met his eyes. "I want you to keep coming back to us."
He stared at her.
"Don't get me wrong, I just feel like if you actually made good on that promise, there'd be nothing guaranteeing that you'd come back after that." He could tell she was growing flustered. "I'm not superstitious but the idea that you might-"
Her words were cut off by his lips as he leaned in to kiss her again. Her rising frustrations subsided. He pulled away to stay close to her. "Then that means we can't go back to Earth, or at least I can't go back with you. Not unless we win. You know that, right?"
"...I do."
They were about to be pulled in again but a sound of yawning stopped them. Noah tiredly stretched out his arms and re-wrapped them around his dad.
Erica gestured for him and Duncan handed him over. There was no protest from the boy whose eyes were become heavy-lidded. "Figured he was too quiet, it's his nap time."
That got Duncan thinking. He pulled his feet fully onto the bed to sit cross-legged. It was more comfortable that way. "On that note, where've you been staying?"
Erica followed his example in pulling her feet onto the bed. Sitting cross-legged gave Noah a place to rest and she lay his tiring head on her stomach. Once he snuggled himself into place, she wrapped her arms around him. "Well, actually, we've been staying at the residential building for civilians. I managed to convince the 'local authorities' last week to let me use one of the rooms at Falchion. I had to get my information confirmed that I actually had a relation to someone in the 7th. We've been waiting here ever since. Then when news came in that you were back in system, both of us were up in arms to get to you. I ran into your Staff Sergeant in the lobby. By chance he overheard me asking for you to one of the workers, told me you were with his squad and allowed me to come in. Now, here I am."
That explained why the Staff looked the way he did when they came. Still, it didn't explain how she got to Reach. "Wait, so you must've taken a lucky flight here then with you coming only a week ahead of me, right?"
"Oh no, sorry, I forgot to give you the run-around like I said I would. We've actually been here for a few months now."
Duncan almost fell off his bunk. "A few months? How?"
"Well, I'll just start at the beginning." She spoke a little softer thanks to the now slumbering state of Noah. He listened intently while she explained. "During the time that you left, I was working a few different jobs. I still needed Rick to check in with me every so often."
Duncan gasped slightly at the mention of the name. He hadn't realized that he'd completely forgotten he needed to check on him after all the time that passed. There was him, then there was also O'Reilly. He made a mental note to contact them both when he was able to.
Erica noticed and stopped. He urged her to go on.
"Rick came in often to make sure I was coming along okay while I was carrying this little guy. Of course, you ended up video-chatting him the day I was giving birth. Things changed though around late September. I noticed you stopped calling in and wouldn't answer any of my calls or messages. I got worried. It really only intensified when November and December rolled in and there was still no word. The UNSC didn't send me anything either. Eventually, I got so tired of waiting that I made up in my mind I would come out here and find you. I told Rick about it and he was just as worried for you. He thought it would be okay if I came. My dad thought the same thing too after I bugged him enough. Finding a ticket wasn't hard. It was finding something to sustain me and Noah for however long it would take for me to find out about you that was the biggest concern. At first, my dad tried convincing me to let him send me money. Of course, I didn't take it. In the end he found me a job at this nice hotel over in New Alexandria. I've been working there for a good deal now. Whenever I got the chance, I would call in at Falchion to find out if you were there. It took a little bit more convincing, mostly by my dad again, to help me get enough background checks to reserve a room in the civilian residential building. However, he couldn't find out where and how long you guys were to be deployed thanks to 'military confidentially restrictions' or whatever, so it was up to me. After that point it was a gamble of when I thought you might appear."
Duncan had worked to repress much of his reactions to everything she said. For every sentence that came out of her mouth he had a paragraph of explanations that coincided on a timescale. Yet much of it he couldn't bring himself to tell her. Nevertheless, late September was when she noticed he went missing, which also coincided with events after Miridem.
He looked nervously at Noah, remembering the dream of the Spartan III that responded to his name. He inwardly shook. Forcing himself to focus on the conversation, it struck him rather suddenly that Erica had moved to New Alexandria. That her dad, with his many connections, had helped her. She truly held nothing back in coming here. It was yet another thing that stunned him into silence about her.
"Don't think you can get away with being quiet forever." Erica said.
The comment recaptured his attention. "Huh?"
"It's your turn now." She arched a patient brow at him. "I might know you well but I am still your wife. I want to know what you've been up to all this time, why you dropped off the grid for so long."
It was out in the open now.
She deserved an explanation more than anyone. He accepted that. That didn't mean he knew how to tell her all of it. He didn't even know how to tell himself.
He fought against the sudden dryness in his mouth as he willed himself to summarize what all had happened, from the landing on Miridem and the subsequent fighting there before jumping all the way to May with the counter-attack on Actium. More than a few times he saw her expression rise and fall into hope and gloom in conjunction with the part of his story that he told, or allowed himself to tell. He ultimately chose to skip over late September of 2544 to early May of the present year.
In the span of ten minutes, she had a better picture of what her husband had gone through in the last two years. She regarded him with a deep empathy that accepted she could never fully understand what it must have truly been like to live through much of it.
But she noticed that he hadn't told her everything. "What about between Miridem and Actium?"
He unconsciously inhaled a deep breath. It betrayed the fact that he was nervous.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
More flashbacks from that time played zipped into his mind, of training Beta Company, assisting Team Zeta, Foxtrot and Lima in their practice ops. What brought the punch home was his meeting with the imposing Lieutenant Commander Ambrose who, in explaining why he asked if Duncan had a family, told him:
"Because I'd rather that you got to see them again. The same goes for the rest of your squad."
He did get to see them again. Now that he was looking Erica right in the eyes it made those words hammer themselves into his head. It showed him just how far he'd come to get here. Moreover, it reminded him of what he'd had to do to make it to this point, things that he could never say a word about, not even to her.
"Remember that LC on Miridem that I told you about? Because we knocked her out during that last mission, we were arrested. We were given a chance to clear the charges against us if we accepted a...service. They wanted us to fulfill a roll, kind of like community service to the UNSC, then they'd send us back to the frontlines, so we took it. Once we were finished we were free to rejoin the rest of the battalion."
He could feel the lie burning him on the inside. Judging by how unconvinced she looked, he could tell he wasn't fooling her either.
"Come on, honey, what really happened?"
He choked up. Ultimately, all he could do was lower his head in defeat and say: "It's classified."
Erica was a civilian. However, she wasn't civilian enough not to recognize what he was implying by saying that. The recognition that higher powers were at play was a welcomed relief to see on her face.
"Alright then."
Noah began to stir in his sleep. Without warning, she turned about in the bed and lay her back onto Duncan. He was mildly surprised to see her looking up at him, using his chest as a pillow. Still, having her smiling face so close to his caused a grin to spread over his own. He wrapped his arms around her reassuringly.
"Can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"If it troubles you that much, I understand. I'll drop the subject. But I'll be right here if you ever want to talk. No matter what, I've got your back and you've got mine, you copy?"
The military slang made him laugh. It also calmed the storms in the back of his mind about telling her what he didn't know how to explain. It was better than any hug or kiss, the promise that no matter what happened she would be there for him. That she would listen and stick by his side despite whatever he'd done gave him a measure of peace.
He nodded. "Then maybe...you could hang around for a while longer?"
Erica's eyes shot wide open.
"Not that I'm saying you have to stay for me or anything. I know you need to head back to your job and all so you can go after this if you need t-"
Erica held up a finger to his lips. "Are you asking me to stay here with you?" She slowly removed her finger.
"The battalion's on shore leave for the next month. It's not much after how long we've been fighting. It's better than nothing though." He peered down at her, almost shy. "Well?"
He saw a smirk crawl across her face as she considered it. "I'm on vacation too, you know, worked it out with my boss beforehand. I can stay a bit longer but only if you beg me too."
He glowered down in feigned displeasure. Her smile widened.
"...Please."
"Hmmm, doesn't sound very beggy."
He accepted the challenge. Leaning down beside her, he whispered into her ear the same way she had. "Please?"
Her eyes closed in relishing her own victory. "Well, I guess if you want me that badly then I don't have a choice."
He chuckled as she made herself more comfortable on him. Seeing her with Noah sleeping in her arms, he didn't want to let go. He felt as if he'd kept them at a distance for so long already that he didn't want to risk pushing them away in the slightest, not after they came so far to be with him.
Knowing who was gone and who was still here solidified his desire to hold them close, to protect them with his own arms, to keep them alongside him. Maybe with Erica now living in New Alexandria it would make that hope a lot easier to realize.
. He rested his chin down on the top of her head. Together they watched Noah sleep away. It was a sight he never wanted to leave. In that particular time, in that particular place, he was home again.
Simul – Together