Chapter 72.
It was a half hour drive from Ionia to the bunker, but Jules arrived less than twenty-five minutes after Sam called, suggesting that she had driven like Dean to get to Cas. Sam had been watching for her and as soon as she arrived, he took her to the library, where Cas instantly stood and headed for the nearest exit.
Dean caught his arm. "Cas, talk to her."
As Cas hesitated, Jules went over to him and hugged him tightly. He clung to her and for a moment, Sam thought the hug alone might be enough, but then he pulled back and said, "Jules, we can't do that anymore."
"You want to still be friends, yes?" she said.
"Of course I do." he said.
"Well, when something bad happens to a friend of mine, I give him a hug."
"Oh." said Cas.
"So if we're gonna stay friends, you need to get used to my hugs."
"So it wasn't a romantic hug?" he said.
"It was as platonic as you need it to be." she said, "Maybe we should hug again, now that you know it's not intended in any romantic way."
Cas looked uncomfortable. "The problem is, my reaction to it does not feel platonic."
"The more we hug, the more you'll be able to see it as a normal, non-romantic thing." she said.
He glanced at Sam and then Dean. Dean said, "She's right. Try it."
Cas hugged her, very diffidently. Romantic or platonic, it was a warm, loving hug and they held each other close. Sam's heart ached for them both. Two days of separation had been more than either could bear.
"I think we need to talk alone." she said.
"I'm not sure it's a good idea." he said.
"You want us to be apart forever. I'm asking for a chance to talk first. I don't think that's an unreasonable request." she said. She looked around the room before adding, "There are things I need to say to you that I can't say in front of Sam and Dean."
The look that passed between them made clear that there were secrets involved, not mere embarrassment.
"We should go to your room." said Cas, "We can talk there."
"You go and wait for me there." said Jules, "I know you'll want some time alone to prepare."
"Thankyou." he said. He left.
"Was that wise, giving him time to run?" said Dean.
"Maybe not, but I don't want him to feel cornered." she said.
"Do you have a strategy?" said Dean.
"No, just a determination not to give up on him unless I have to."
"I tried to convince him to think again." said Jack.
"We all have." said Sam.
"Of course, it would help if you told us why this happened." said Dean.
"But I can't and you respect that." said Jules.
"I hate that." said Dean, "But yeah, I respect it."
"Sam, you said on the phone that he had a bad night."
"He had a dream that disturbed him. He wouldn't give any details."
"Gabriel was in it, apparently." said Dean.
"And what did Rowena want?" she asked.
"She wanted to make excuses and dig for information." said Dean, "We told her nothing about you and Cas."
"Thanks. The last thing I want is her knowing all of it." She looked at Jack. "How are you holding up?"
"Kid's been diving into lore." said Dean, "Heaven, Hell, Purgatory." He looked sharply at Jules, clearly hoping for a reaction that would tell him which might be connected to the situation at hand.
"It's good to keep busy." she said. She touched Jack's arm. "We'll take care of him together. We'll get him out of this mess. We'll make him see he needs all of us."
He nodded. "I know we will."
"Any advice?" she said to Dean.
"He's having a hard time focusing on anything. Just sits around, deep in the doom and gloom. You need to get his attention and keep it, which I tried to do by shouting. Bad idea."
"Dean, don't beat yourself up about it. I know what he's like. When he gets into one of his downward spirals, he barely knows your there."
"Everything I've said to him has been the worst possible thing to say." said Dean.
"Not true." said Sam.
"So, at least you can take comfort from the fact that whatever dumb thing you say or do, you can bet I said or did it already and worse."
"He's here, Dean and we both know he wouldn't be if you'd done as badly as you think. You kept him here. You kept him safe."
"He literally left here and let Rowena take his grace." said Dean.
"And came back, alive."
"That's what I said." said Sam, "Dean's the reason we still have our angel."
"I'm still not sure Dean's not the reason all this happened in the first place." said Dean.
"Well, I can set your mind at rest on that one. You're not." said Jules, "I can't tell you more, but he would want me to be very clear about that."
"Maybe not directly, but whatever has him all confused and scared, I should have seen and dealt with."
"We all blame ourselves." said Jules, "But none of us could have predicted this or prevented it." She looked intently at Jack and said, "None of us."
"Go gently." said Sam, "He's feeling very insecure. He keeps saying he has no choice, but I feel like we're not the ones he's trying to convince. I think he could change his mind, but don't push too hard. You make him feel pressured and he'll just dig his heels in."
She nodded. "It has to be his decision. And if, in the end, he sticks with his original choice, I'll have to accept it."
"Hell no!" said Dean.
"Not your decision." Sam said to him.
"I will accept it, if it's truly what he wants." she said, "But I need to be sure of that, because if he doesn't want this separation, I'm going nowhere."
"He doesn't want it." said Jack.
"We'll see." she said.