Chapter 72: Leaving?

Meredith squashed an empty coffee cup and threw it into the bin, entering the crowded lobby. She stifled a chuckle at the sight before her, halting behind a huddled mass of her subordinates. They were strangely resembling a group of kids, joking, laughing, standing up on their tiptoes for a better look at the computer screen. Meredith knew the reason for that. She took a nervous glance at the clock as it struck the full hour. The rankings for the past year should have just been announced, determining her fate.

An intense sadness crept up on her heart at the prospect of leaving Seattle. Her journey here irrevocably changed her life in the ways she had not foreseen. It made her richer in experiences, both good and bad. It made her discover love in its full; she believed her stay here made her a better person.

However, she could not stay here much longer. Being close to Derek, yet not fully, brought an excruciating pain. Especially so, as he completely abandoned the avoidance tactics he had taken up after she openly rejected him on Christmas. Meredith suspected the intensified attempts on his part were all Addison's doing. She undoubtedly spilled the beans about her secret feelings, not only to Derek as it would seem. The hospital community was much gentler in her regard, sometimes openly playing matchmaker to her and Derek. She would find it hilarious if it wasn't so painful.

Though it could all end in the next few minutes, she held strong suspicions the results would set her free.

"Back up!" Bailey's annoyed voice sounded over the heads.

"I'm trying to see!" Meredith recognized Derek's whining voice.

"It's not up yet!" bit back Miranda who was sitting in front of the computer, getting irritated by the swarming around her. "There's nothing to see!"

"It's supposed to be posted at four!" reminded impatiently Cristina.

"It's 4:15," muttered Mark.

Apparently, Seattle Gracers revived their competitive streak. For the past week, Meredith watched with her eyebrows raised in surprise how they doubled their efforts, worked longer hours, had more pro bono surgeries than in the past months put together; all in all, their behavior was spotless.

"Hit the refresh button," suggested Cristina. "You have to reload the page."

Miranda slapped her hand and replied irritably, "I'm hitting the refresh button every ten seconds. Let's just… wait."

"Is it up yet?"

"No!"

"Is it up yet?" another voice asked.

"No! Wait!"

"Think we move up a slot," offered Mark to fill the moment. "Pass Hopkins, move to number one."

"We're not passing Hopkins," Derek shook his head. "But we're moving up to two." At least he hoped so. He didn't hold such demanding wishes as to automatically jump on the top of the list. Just one place higher would suffice to keep Meredith in Seattle.

"Mayo could fight kicking and screaming to stay where they are," remarked Cristina. "We'd stay three."

"Three? Pessimist…" sighed Derek resignedly.

"Realist," argued Cristina. "The rankings of teaching hospitals change based on any number of things. So, if there's a tie… Say we're three again, does anyone know what she's-"

Izzie elbowed her gently clearing her throat, trying to silently convey that the Chief was with them.

"Could you all make some space for Dr. Grey to come and see the results herself?" asked Miranda turning back and looking at her through a gap in the crowd.

"No, I'm good here," assured her Meredith. "Is it up?"

"Not yet."

"Well, three's top five," said Mark encouragingly. "We could live with three."

"Hit the refresh button again," asked Alex.

"I am hitting the refresh-" blew up Miranda making everyone take a step back. Derek let out another deep sigh while Mark swung his legs sitting on the desk. He'd have lots of fun if he wasn't worried about his best friend and his girlfriend who might lose one of the most important people in their lives due to that ranking. "Ok, all of you, back up. Stop hovering, stop speculating! The rankings will go up when they go up. We have no control over when they're posted. When it is up, I will say it is up! Until then back up! Shut up, and leave me alone-"

"It's up!" said Lexie with a small voice, her eyes glued to the screen.

Everyone pressed themselves as close as they could in order to learn their score. Meredith's heartbeat picked up… She'd know in an instant…

"Number one, Hopkins," announced Miranda. "Number two, Seattle Grace. Number three, Mayo… Go back, number two, Seattle Grace!"

"We made it!" exclaimed Izzie excitedly.

"Of course, we did," stated naturally Cristina as though she hadn't voiced a completely opposite opinion mere minutes before.

The lobby broke in applause and cheerful laughter, some of them breathed out with relief. Derek finally felt the ground beneath his feet. Meredith was staying, they'd have the time to work everything out, smooth over all misunderstandings between them. She'd yield, Derek was sure of it. She couldn't resist him at the beginning of their relationship, she wouldn't now.

"Scroll down," said Addison urgently. "There's a written commentary at the bottom."

"There sure is," nodded Miranda and cleared her throat. "Many questioned the choice of Dr. Richard Webber when Dr. Meredith Grey, the former Head of Neurosurgery at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York, replaced him at the position of the Chief in the best medical institution on the west coast."

Nice of them not to mention that the ones who questioned the choice the most were Seattle Grace own doctors, snorted Meredith inwardly.

"Today there is no doubt whatsoever that it was another wise decision of the man who made Seattle Grace Hospital blossom. The new Chief is a breath of fresh air for the Rain City's first hospital and hospital management in general, as she embraces with uncanny skill medical novelties and the tradition of hard work and commitment to medicine alike. Thanks to her confident and well-timed decisions SGH can boast both talented dedicated staff as well as state-of-the-art equipment. Seattle Grace doctors do not shy away from innovative solutions, but the dedication and attention are exemplary at every level of patient care. The same applies for the quality of teaching, which remains conscientious, demanding and resourceful. Provided the trend continues, it will not come us a surprise if Seattle Grace takes the lead in the next year rankings. Follow the link to see the detailed report illustrated with charts."

"God, we're good!" hissed Cristina satisfactorily.

"We kicked ass!" grinned Izzie.

Addie made her way to Meredith and hugged her tightly. "You see? We're the best. Or well, we're second," she said enthusiastically. "You can't leave, not with the rankings like that!"

Everyone started to clap their hands again while Meredith detached herself from her best friend. She hadn't corrected Addie's faulty assumption for the whole week, simply because it was easier this way.

Meredith smiled slightly and raised her hand calling for silence.

"So, I don't have to add much to what Dr. Bailey has just read," she started in a calm gentle voice, even though her throat threatened to constrict painfully. She waited a few seconds for the cheers to die down and took up, "I'd like to thank all of you for your hard work and dedication during the past year, and I want to congratulate you… you did make it."

Her words were followed with another round of applause. She took a deep breath surveying the smiling faces before her. "I see no reason why Seattle Grace wouldn't jump even higher next year-"

"Damn right!"

"Watch out, Hopkins!"

The room was momentarily filled with booming laughter.

"And I hope," continued Meredith, "that as we're celebrating our success this year, you'll be able to celebrate an even bigger one… with the new chief."

Her announcement was met with a wall of stunned silence, as though everyone questioned the accuracy of their hearing. They exchanged puzzled glances as Meredith went on, "I'd like to thank each and every one of you for allowing me to manage this hospital for the past year, I'm well aware it wasn't easy. I'm immensely grateful for giving me the chance to work with you and to get to know you. It gave me an opportunity to learn a lot, thank you."

She concluded her brief speech wondering what she should do next, wait for any questions that might follow or run away to avoid them. The sudden complete change of mood amongst her colleagues was making her uncomfortable. And she couldn't bear looking at Derek, who went rigid in his pose with a hand over his mouth, like a terrified kid.

However, before she made up her mind, Addie spoke up with apparent disbelief in her voice, "Meredith… you said you'd stay if the rankings were good."

Not something she wanted to discuss in front of the full house, but Meredith acknowledged their right to receive some kind of explanation. "I did not say that"

"Yes, you did!" argued Addison.

"Can you calm down a bit?" pleaded Meredith. "I did say that my resignation depended on the rankings. That is true but… I would never abandon the hospital if my directions made Seattle Grace lose its position. Now we're even higher than the last year, my conscience is clear. I truly believe my successor will guide you to be even better. If everything goes smoothly, and I hope it does, I'll be out of here before the end of the week. Excuse me," she nodded and departed. She had to ultimately draw the papers and make an important phone call.

"Did she just…?" trailed off Derek in a dazed voice.

"Yeah," nodded Mark uneasily.

"She said she was…?"

"Yeah."

Derek sat heavily on the desk. "So, it's just… it?" he asked disbelievingly. He was so sure it would all work out. His hopes got crushed all over again. What was he going to do if she carried out her plans? It was torture to endure the separation from her. But seeing her leave forever? He wouldn't survive that. He tried so hard for the past week, everyone tried hard for the past week. And all they did was to double their efforts ultimately pushing for her to step down. How ironic and unjust was that? It seemed he wasn't alone in these musings.

"Damn," muttered Mark, rubbing his cheek pensively. "Looks like we sabotaged ourselves."

"So, what now?" Bailey clasped her hands together and stood up facing all of them with eager expectation. "What? We've got to do something, right?"

"Like what?" shrugged Cristina. "She wants to get the hell out of this place. What is there to be done?"

"That's what we need to figure out," replied simply Bailey. "Hey, do you want to watch him mope around like that forever?" she pointed at Derek, cocking an eyebrow.

"Anyone any ideas?" called Cristina over the dispersing crowd.

Not even an hour passed since Meredith fled the lobby, and that short period of time allowed her to make a call to one of the board members, print and sign her resignation and make it already to be sent, when she was interrupted by a sudden knock on her door. Patricia stuck her head in and announced with a stoic expression, "Someone's here to see you, Chief."

Not attending her answer, the secretary moved aside to let Addison come in, then Mark, then Derek, followed by Owen, Bailey, Cristina, George, the remaining department heads and a few more senior attendings so now the vast office was filled to the brim.

Meredith slowly stood up with her hands propped on the desk and a concerned frown on her forehead. "What is this? What is going on?"

The doctors exchanged quick looks and George stepped slightly forward clearing his throat. "As the… as the core part of the staff we came… to discuss your decision with you."

"Discuss my decision?" she repeated. "I assure you that the process will go on smoothly, without any damage to Seattle Grace-"

"That's not our concern," George dared to cut her across.

"Oh, if it's about the chief position, I don't think you'll have to deal with anyone from outside this time," Meredith managed to say. Now as she was sure of her departure, her pain seemed to hit her square in the face. She was leaving everything behind her. Derek, who was piercing her with his eyes, and her hospital. Soon enough, someone else would fill her shoes, become the chief, occupy this office. "I won't take part in the decision-making unless I'm asked for an opinion. Even then, you can be sure, it will be based on utterly professional premises."

"That is not what we want to talk about either," answered George calmly. "We do not agree with your decision in general."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Meredith, a frown creasing her forehead as she stared at her subordinates quizzically.

"It means that we think you should revise your decisions to step down," took up Bailey with a serious face.

"That…. That is not under discussion," said Meredith defensively. "I don't know who put you up to this," her eyes swept accusingly over Derek, Mark and Addison, "but if that's all you've come to me with, you can go back to work."

Nobody moved an inch while Cristina insisted, "Don't you think we've got a voice in the matter?"

"In my decision to quit from the office? No, I don't think so," remarked Meredith crisply.

"Well, we do," countered Bailey. "Especially so as it will negatively affect the workings of this hospital."

"It won't," argued Meredith. "It-"

"Of course, it will, Meredith!" exclaimed Addison. "You're leaving! Not even a whole year after you started. The hospital needs continuity."

"Don't try to blackmail me, Addie," Meredith stood strung out, her arms stiffly folded over her chest.

"I'm not blackmailing you. I'm telling you that this hospital needs you, we need you," she emphasized.

"Oh, please," snorted Meredith. "Don't make this personal."

"She isn't," backed her up George. "We all feel that way. You're an excellent chief, we make a pretty good team."

Meredith eyed him disbelievingly. "A good team? Everyone has hated me since the moment I set my foot in here," she reminded.

"That is not true," said Mark. "There were some initial… differences but we all know everything goes smoothly now."

"I'm positive it will go even smoother with my replacement. And it will be much easier for you. You won't be forced to work with a stranger."

"Easier doesn't necessarily mean better," argued Miranda reasonably. "You know how to impose order in this place, you're not afraid to speak your mind, to enforce what you think is best for the hospital, and it always is."

"You're bossy," remarked gently Derek, a shadow of a smile on his lips, "it… keeps us in line."

Meredith's jaw was set and her face hardened. Why did they make it so difficult out of a sudden? Did they actually try to convince her she was wanted, universally wanted? Not possible.

"There's still so much to be done here," Owen launched himself in the conversation while the rest nodded vigorously. "You're in the middle of changing the face of this place."

"Enough of this," stopped them Meredith raising her hand though her voice remained calm. "My decisions is final. I repeat, my decision is final! I've already spoken to Jennings from the board and I'm just on my way to send the resignation. There's nothing that could change my mind and frankly, I don't even understand why you're trying."

"Oh, come on," snapped Cristina losing her patience. "We've all come here to talk to you. I think it's pretty clear why. The least you could do is talk to us."

"I don't need to explain myself," cut off Meredith.

"No, you don't have to. That's true," bit back Cristina. "Just don't give us the bullshit about the hospital's wellbeing because we all know it's all about your-"

"Cristina," shot Owen warningly.

"You know, this is enough," Meredith said with a final note in her voice and picked up an envelope from her desk. "Since you have nothing substantial to say to me, you'll excuse me. I have lots to do. Oh, and when I'm back," she said as she walked to the door, "I expect you not to be here."

She walked out passing Patricia's desk and into the corridor, unexpectedly bumping into a group of residents, sneaking around and waiting for any news. She folded her arms looking at them sternly. Not much changed in that respect since her first week.

"We're just…" stammered one of the interns.

"Waiting for our attendings," provided quickly another. "We've got… results… and results…"

"This is not a waiting room," scolded Meredith and everyone started to disperse in haste. "Lexie!" she called after half-sister.

"Dr. Grey?" the brunette looked up at her with apparent concern. "Uhm, Meredith?"

"Do you know if your parents are home tonight?"

Lexie's eyebrows rose in shock. "My… you mean my Mom and… and Dad?"

"That would imply the term "your parents", yes," threw sarcastically Meredith.

"It's a… it's Monday today," thought Lexie aloud. "Yeah, they… they have the neighborhood watch meeting this evening so, yeah, they'll be home."

"Thank you," nodded Meredith and moved to walk away.

"Why? Do you want to come?" asked Lexie eagerly but her sister dropped the conversation altogether, hurriedly walking away. Her senior staff was just leaving her office and she wanted to avoid any further verbal sparring.