AN: I don't plan on ending this story, but as I have a couple of super busy weeks ahead, I might delay some posts, so don't panic if there'll be some silence.
"Widdle nose, widdle mouth, cutie," Lorelai cooed at baby Emma, who had just been fed and was placed contently over Logan's shoulder, as she stood behind him.
Rory sat at a nursing chair in the corner, Leigh on her chest, the breast pump swooshing underneath her robe. She hated pumping, the procedure feeling so cold and technical to her, she knew that now it would have to do. She was essentially injecting Leigh her food through a tube - that too seemed unnatural somehow - going by the amounts prescribed to her not by how hungry she was. With Finny it had been easy - he always ate hungrily as if someone was going to eat the milk up before he could finish. With the girls things were very different. To Rory it seemed almost unfair how Emma had flourished in the womb - clearly being in a better position both physically and in the way of getting her nutrients, while Leigh had been a bit of an underdog, as the observations of her placenta and cord had confirmed - the placenta had been smaller and the cord twisted, almost knotted, likely causing her smaller size. But the prognosis was promising, she was just a little behind.
"So what are their names? Celeste mentioned Leigh and Emma in the car," Lorelai inquired. Celeste was in the waiting room currently, letting Evie and Finny play aiming to come in a little later. Having toddlers in the hospital room was exhausting for everyone involved.
"That's right - Leigh stands for Leigh Honor," Rory began to explain, as she'd finished feeding Leigh. She'd first considered calling her Lee, but somehow Leigh suited her better - more gentle, fragile like was she. "And Emma," she continued, feeling a little hesitant how Lorelai would take this combination, "...is short for Emily Lorelai," Rory stated.
"Seriously? That's like conflict in name right there, like putting me in an enclosed space for extended periods of time with my mother," Lorelai complained.
"And that's why it's the perfect combination, maybe in her," she gestured to Emma with a nod, "it'll be resolution to your bickering. Besides, you know well that grandma is hardly as demanding these days," Rory pointed out.
Of course Lorelai knew this - she'd just been to Nantucket a few weeks ago and had seen it first hand the ways in which her mother had transformed - from Chanel and heels to sneakers and Yale sweatshirts and that was just the surface - she hadn't fired a maid in three and a half years, she worked - well, volunteered.
"Well I think they're both fine names," Luke added, having simply sat quietly in another armchair, feeling a little awkward with all the breastfeeding and pumping that had been taking place for the past half an hour.
"When is grandma getting here anyways?" Rory inquired.
Logan hated to admit it, but he'd forgotten to call Emily last night and only gotten around to it as he'd spent an hour letting everyone else know. It had been Honor who had mentioned in passing that during their two day trip to Nantucket they'd run into Emily there and how she must be thrilled.
"Tomorrow," he replied, hoping his forgetfulness in the midst of things would be forgiven if it came out. Maybe he was getting old?
"Any chance I can hold Leigh for a sec too?" Lorelai asked, not knowing where to look with all the cuteness around.
"Just for a sec, she should go back to the hot cot," Rory replied and positioned the tiny baby gently to her mother's chest, making sure the oxygen line was not distrubed.
"How long will she have to have the line?" Lorelai asked, as she stroked Leigh gently through her blanket.
"They will try to lower the inflow a little each day, and same with the temperature, so they'll see what that does to her oxygen levels," Logan explained, as he set Emma down in her plastic cot. It really hadn't taken much for Emma to doze off on his chest. With Finny Rory had sometimes called it his magic shoulder - a lot of the time soothing a baby much better than Rory's tiredness and the accompanying nervousness the first time around.
"I wonder if they miss each other," Rory pondered, as she positioned Leigh into her's. Every single person they'd spoken to about twins had advised them that scheduling was vital - getting the twins to do as many things at the same time as possible so they'd eventually get into the same sleep-feed rhythm.
"We can maybe try feeding them together the next time," Logan suggested. Holding the two at once seemed like mission impossible still, but they needed to learn sometime.
As Luke and Lorelai headed out to keep an eye on the toddlers in the waiting room, Celeste had a chance to come in.
"I'm sorry, you must be exhausted," Celeste apologized, feeling like perhaps they really didn't need any more visitors at that moment. She knew that while she might be the last visitor for the moment, simply the timing of the birth had led her to the logical conclusion that all that they truly needed was peace and quiet. "I just wanted to come and hug you guys, and just peek at the girls, I'll be off your hair in no time," she promised.
"We are, but it's exciting, little difficult to sleep to be honest," Rory commented.
"I'm so happy for you guys," she hugged them, one by one.
"Thanks," Rory replied, their hug carrying that special kind of energy. There really didn't need to be a lot of words between them.
"And who would've thought! Logan Huntzberger - a father of three!" Celeste congratulated him.
"You would've! Don't you remember?" Logan replied. "That lame party at the Le Perchoir, we made predictions about people for fun," he reminded her. "This one here said it'd have three kids someday, " he explained to Rory.
"I did, didn't I? I completely forgot," Celeste laughed quietly, that life seemed like someone elses now.
"Now, let me introduce you to Emma and Leigh," Logan gestured proudly towards the babies.
"Oh, wow, what a size difference," she said with surprise.
She saw the babies were asleep so she really knew better than to want to wake them, simply taking a whiff of Emma's head as if filling up some baby scent quota. She smelled divine, but Evie's had been better - but supposedly that's the point - to theoretically be able to pick out your own by smelling them.
"Jess will just have to come at another time," Celeste added, having already told Jess that there wasn't much point for him to come unless he wanted to drive right back and that they'll go soon enough once they were released. But as that now was impending due to Leigh's condition - no-one really knew when that would be.
Celeste took a few quick photos to show to Jess, though somehow she felt like he was more indifferent to the event as it was - maybe it was a guy thing, or maybe it was a little painful for him recalling how difficult Evie's birth had been.
"That's too bad," Rory commented.
Celeste observed Rory and Logan together - despite being dead tired, the two looked at each other with such a longing and lingering look, it made her feel almost unwelcome in that room. Maybe it had been wrong of her to assume that they really needed her to come - maybe it had been her that had needed to come.
"Get some rest now, I'll text you guys tomorrow or something," Celeste added.
As she emerged from the room she suddenly felt weak. Unsure what it was she headed for the bathroom and sprayed her face with some cold water. Hearing someone else beginning to enter, she quickly slipped into a stall, unsure what for - she didn't need to go. Unsure for what reason precisely, heavy tear drops began to fall down her cheeks. Somehow she felt so alone right then. Logan and Rory had each other and all the help money could buy to survive raising their twins. And while she knew she'd still be a friend, she felt like she wasn't needed. She felt like she had just imagined how much they needed each other. She still felt like she was failing at the things that she did - the book was out, but the way Noah expected her to promote it wasn't what she felt like doing - every other day going between wanting to claim it as her's and the other not. She should've been better at something like this! She used to promote things for living, for god's sake! They'd picked up their lives to move on her whim to Stars Hollow - Jess was making such an effort, even right this minute he was probably demolishing one of the bathrooms so the construction men could start work on it monday and speed things up by doing part of it himself. She was planning events! Was that really what she wanted to be doing? Frankly, at that moment she felt just as lost as she had months ago. The difference was she knew that Jess had her back, but she also knew that he was going to disappointed in her - for not feeling as invested in what they were doing anymore, and she knew he'd feel even more disappointed once he found out…
Her sobbs were clearly more audible than she had aimed, alternating between deep gasps for air when she'd almost forgotten to breath.
"Everything okay in there?" a familiar voice asked.
Celeste wanted to say 'yes' but she couldn't.
"It's me, Lorelai. I'll be out in a minute," she only managed to whimper.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Lorelai asked. "There's no-one else here, you can talk to me if you want," she suggested.
Celeste recognized the spiraling pattern of thoughts - she'd had that before, but not for almost half a year.
"I quit my meds," she admitted, as she emerged, and began attempting to reduce the puffiness in her face with cold water determinedly by the sink. She'd desperately wanted to know how much of her happiness was down to the meds and how much was real. Her prescription running out had just been a convenient way to do it - not buy another one. She had just been off for a week and already she was crashing. She'd lied about it - to Jess, Logan and even her doctor. She'd pretended everything was okay, until it was not. Small things derailed her. She felt dissapointed in herself on so many levels.
"Oh, honey," Lorelai placed her arm around her and rubbed her upper arm assuringly.
"I know, I know… I shouldn't have," Celeste said.
"Does Jess know?" Lorelai asked.
"Not yet," she replied. She was going to have to tell him - she felt bad enough as it was and she really didn't want to continue with the lies - they never helped.
"I'm just scared that the drugs are the only thing making me happy, you know," she forced her words out, looking up, so she wouldn't cry again. "Yeah, we're moving - but I'm scared too - what if it isn't about the place, what if it is just me - that I'm just unhappy anywhere I go.
"But you haven't really gotten to try Stars Hollow, fine you've experienced bits of it, but if you allow me - I'll show you what it's about - get you involved, introduce you to people. I know you have your own battles but as far as I know keeping busy is a good way to push forward," Lorelai suggested.
Celeste took a deep breath. "Thanks," she replied, unsure if she'd feel up to it. "I better go try the farmacy downstairs," she said, trying to gather herself before she did.
"And if you need me to cover for you tomorrow, just say the word, okay? This would count as a sick day," Lorelai added, supportively.