THIS CHAPTER HAS SOME VERY SENSATIVE MATIERAL! I HAVE MARKED OUT THE PORTIONS THAT MAY BE HARD TO READ! IF YOU ARE AFFECTED BY THE SCENES, PLEASE CALL A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL AND GET HELP.
Psst. Starshadow mutters in my mind. I groan and try to get back to sleep. I earned it. Wow. Really? I'm finally back after ten long years, and you won't wake up? Rude.
"Starshadow, I just took down a criminal empire. Let me sleep." I mumble. The pillow I'm currently cuddling is so comfortable. And warm. Very warm. And firm. Perfect.
Wait, WHAT? Starshadow's shriek in my head makes me wake up fully. I blink blearily at my bonded's face in mine. The pillow breaths slowly, not yet in the conscious world of night… Wait a moment.
"Starshadow?" I whisper, rubbing my still tired eyes. The glow from Zoe's hair disappearing is enough to make out that yes, my bonded is back.
Finally… Aurelion Sol your magic is huge! And somewhat under control! How long was I gone in your time? Starshadow gasps.
A little over half a year. I answer him with my mind. It's been so long since I've been able to converse with him like this, though it's not that I want to start a conversation right now. I just don't want to accidentally wake anyone up… and it feels like the middle of the night.
A little over half a year… and you manage to control and grow your core that much… and you are sharing a bed with Yone in nothing but underwear and a tunic? Starshadow sounds disbelieving. Well, when he puts it like that… What have you become while I was gone? Geez, that… No. I don't believe that you would ever wear this willingly. Tell me everything.
It's the middle of the night! Yone, Yasuo, and I got back to the room after we toppled a criminal empire and just fell asleep! Lemme sleep!
YOU TOPPLED AN EMPIRE WITHOUT ME!?.. I'm so proud. Starshadow pretends to wipe a tear. I snuggle into Yone's chest. The soft rising and falling almost puts me back to sleep. Oi!
Starshadow, I will celebrate you being back when I've recovered enough to wake up. We got back to the apartment and just passed out. I'm still tired.
When was this?
Yesterday afternoon?
You slept enough. Starshadow lands on my head rather harshly. I wince a little bit. That wakes Yone up a little bit. One of his arms reaches over and lands on my shoulder.
"You alright?" Yone asks, his voice full of sleep.
"Starshadow's back." I mumble. He lets out a noise, indicating he heard.
"Go back to sleep. We'll celebrate and catch up tomorrow." With that Yone goes back to sleep.
Oh, come on! Starshadow whines as I too fall back to my dreams.
That… was remarkably risky. Aurora greets me in my magic core. Starshadow is there as well, in his golden celestial form. Daamien is giving Starshadow a huge hug. Starshadow is enjoying the affection, though I can see Daamien is getting more and more annoyed with him. How Starshadow thinks it's a good idea to irritate the person who is teaching him how to use his magic is a good idea is beyond me.
"Look, at the time, I thought that I needed to be where everything was happening and I didn't want to pressure my magic too much and-"
I was talking about dismissing Starshadow in the real world, though that was risky as well. Aurora laughs. She gives me an embrace as well. I happily return her affections. She tightens for a moment before pulling away.
"Yeah, well, I'm still tired. Why am I in my magic core anyway?" I ask.
Starshadow got moody. He called you here.
"What the Shadow Isles was that greeting?" Starshadow notices me. I shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry, we just took down Deviago this morning and I was exhausted. I missed you. Alot." I press my face into his scales. His head gently presses against my back.
"Eh. Aurora and Daamien told me what happened. I guess I can forgive your lackluster greeting." Starshadow presses even more firmly than before. I smile. Even if he is insulted that I didn't greet him, he still missed me. Stubborn celestial.
"Do you still want to celebrate?"
"What's the point? It's gonna be faked." Starshadow sniffs. I giggle. He's happy with this hug alone. That's enough for me.
"How was ten years? You don't seem so different from when I last saw you." I mumble into his scales.
"It… I got to talk with Aurelion." The tone Starshadow is using makes me worry for him.
"How did it go?"
"... He still wants to destroy the world. Even if my life force is bound to you." Starshadow states casually. I tilt my head a little bit.
"Well…"
"It's ok. He's proud of me, for finding my own way… but he still wants to kill you and Aurora for even binding me to Runeterra." His entire body coils around me.
"Talk about the random claims." I laugh. I can't find it in myself to pull away.
"Like you saying you toppled a criminal empire then going back to sleep isn't a random thing to say and not expect a discussion."
"I was tired!"
"Everything is back to normal. Well done doing things on your own, but we would prefer you didn't use yourself next time…" Daamien pats my head. Starshadow shrinks, refusing to leave my side. The poor snake must have missed me terribly that he'd rather be small, even if he's in my mind.
"As I told Aurora, I had to do something!" I protest. Starshadow snorts.
"It didn't have to be you!" Starshadow hisses.
"I'm not going to just sit around and let things happen! People were terrified. Even if I was alone, I had to try!"
"But volunteering yourself to be a slave? Why didn't you just wait for me?"
"We didn't know when you were going to come back! For all we know, he would have taken over all of Ionia by the time you came back. I can't stand by!"
"Yone and Yasuo would handle it!"
"Deviago knew about us, considering that Yone's first reaction to saving me from dying to a pack and kisses me."
"What are you saying?"
"...He would have tried to use them to pull me out. At least I was there to help anyway."
"No, no, no. He kissed you after an emergency? We really need to work on his timings..."
"Not the time." I blush a little bit.
"Right. I still think you could have handled it differently…"
"You weren't there, Starshadow. I made the calls I did. Yone and Yasuo were able to help me out. There's no point in talking about what could have changed." I finalize. I keep stroking Starshadow's head. I really have missed my other half a lot.
"...Well, I am never volunteering years again. Zoe didn't bring me back to the time I was supposed to be anyway." Starshadow hisses.
"She didn't even bring me back home when she said she would." I agree with him.
"She said she'd bring you back? To when you were taken?" Starshadow blinks, a little surprised. Right, he didn't know about that.
"Yeah. She told me she could bring me back to when I left for Mount Targon."
"She said she did… You know what? Never mind."Starshadow looks over my shoulder. I turn around to see Aurora in Daamien's arms as well. Both of them are looking innocent as possible.
"What?" I ask when something shifts underneath me. My eyes close as I'm woken up in the real world.
The gentle rocking on my shoulder wakes me up. I blink open my eyes slowly. Starshadow is curled around my neck, while Yasuo is shaking me awake. Yasuo puts a finger to his lips and gestures for me to get up. I silently do as he asks. I feel like everything's back to normal, except my clothes… I'm still in the same, dirt and blood covered clothes as yesterday. I must have been more tired than I thought that even when Starshadow pointed it out to me I didn't even realize. Even worse, I was sleeping in the same bed as Yone. Mother would be having an absolute fit if she knew… Father would probably be trying to kill him... Still… Even if I am a little embarrassed at being caught… I can't stop the smile on my face from spreading. It was… nice.
Yone is able to sleep through my mild shifting. His even, slow breathing is enough to tell me that. His arms are wrapped around my waist. My face burns even more when I realize that he still isn't wearing his tunic. We really did just fall asleep after coming back. His swords are still attached to his waist afterall… And he's still wearing my scarf. I'll have to get that back from him afterwards. For now, he can keep sleeping.
I slip out from his grasp. His hands immediately grip each other and rests on his toned stomach. Before I follow Yasuo, I carefully take the swords off. That way he won't be uncomfortable if he rolls onto them and wakes up. Once they are on the ground, I go to the bathroom where Yasuo is gesturing to me. There's a bath prepared for me. I blink a little bit in surprise.
"Thank you." I whisper to Yasuo. He nods, his hair dripping with water, and leaves the room. I shed my clothes. I gently unwrap Starshadow from my neck and slip into the bath. The water is wonderfully warm, easing tension I did not know I had. Though, after I dunk my head under the water and come back out, my shoulder… the one that Deviago kissed, it still feels dirty. Actually, everything feels dirty, but… my shoulder and chest are the worst. I reach out and grab the soap bar. I start by scrubbing my shoulder and breast.
-TRIGGER WARNING-
Once I think it's sufficiently soaped up, I dip under the water. When my shoulder emerges from the water… It's still dirty. I frown. The soap returns to my shoulder, this time being a little harsher. Another dip… I still feel his lips. This time, when I scrub my skin, I add my nails. That should take off the disgusting feeling.
My nails dig into my shoulder, yanking off the skin he touched. I bleed a little bit, but it's not that bad. My magic heals it over before I bleed into the tub… Still… It's not enough. I still feel his lips on my shoulder. I have to get it off. This time, when I rub it, I stop my magic from healing it over. With each scratch… Maybe I'll be free of his touch. I won't feel like it's a nightmare. I can be me.
-Scene done-
A black tail grabs my wrist. I jump a little bit to see Starshadow awake. His eyes are locked onto my still bleeding shoulder. The feeling he has… It makes me hang my head.
Why? Starshadow nuzzles his face into my cheek.
I can't get the feeling off. I can't state it like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
What feeling?
Him kissing my shoulder, grabbing my body. I rarely got to clean myself at that place, so I'm going to take advantage here.
This… This isn't cleaning. This is harming yourself. Starshadow's tail lets go of my hand and taps my shoulder. The scratches vanish before my eyes. Anxiety creeps into my stomach.
"Why did you do that?" I whisper harshly. I don't want to yell at him, but he doesn't understand.
It's not healthy.
"I'd be clean."
You are clean.
"Why can I still feel him then?"
That's in your mind. It's a trauma, Leilah. It's like in Bilgewater. You are safe here. Yasuo is right outside the door, and I'm sure that Yone would come here in a heartbeat if you were in danger.
"But-"
Leilah. Trust me. You aren't gross. In fact, you're the cleanest you've ever been. Trust me. Starshadow pleads. I gulp and nod a little bit. He would never steer me wrong.
"Ok." I'll just wait until Starshadow leaves before really making sure I'm clean.
-Another scene-
Good. Starshadow lets go of my wrist before slipping out of the room. His tail reaches out and closes the door behind him. That's my chance. I reach my nails back and harshly scratch at my shoulder. Maybe I can scratch off the feel of him now. Starshadow won't be here to interrupt me…
Once it starts, I don't know if I can stop. Over and over again, I scratch at my shoulder. Tearing off the feeling of him touching me. The scratches extend to my back and chest. Anything that he touched, I have to get it off. My wrists are next. Where he grabbed me. Where he held me down.
At some point, I'm panting, struggling to breath from my mania. Everything that Deviago has ever touched, it's scratched off. It has to be. The water's turned a different color. I let the water drain before washing off any leftover soap on me. My entire top stings, but I'm clean. I really am clean… Maybe I missed a spot? I need to make sure… I don't want his touch on me.
-All set-
"Leilah?" Yone opens the door. I shriek a little bit in surprise and wave my hand, making all the injuries I've made to myself disappear. Yone, upon hearing me scream, quickly closes the door. "Starshadow said that something is bothering you."
"Just making sure that I'm clean. It's been a while since I was." I try to keep my voice upbeat.
"Leilah… Can you put on a towel?" Yone doesn't seem fooled for a moment. A sigh leaves my mouth, but I grab a towel and wrap it around my torso. Before I bring him in, I make sure that any stains on my towel are hidden.
"All set." I call out. Yone enters the room. He searches along my shoulders and back for any injuries, yet does not find them.
"Are you really certain that you are alright?"
"Of course. We beat Deviago and there's no more vulkodalks. Navori is safe." I remark casually with a shrug. One hand keeps the towel wrapped around me firmly in place.
"Then why is the tub tinged pink?" Yone gestures to where my bath used to be. I look over and groan. There is a small ring of pink where the water was. He's caught me.
"I-"
"Don't try to lie, Leilah. Starshadow told me that you weren't feeling clean and was worried about you." Yone keeps scanning for anything out of the ordinary. I am determined to make sure he doesn't see them.
"I'm fine." I persist. Yone sighs. Before I know it, he's right in my face, a hand gently wiping my shoulder. I jump, trying to pretend it's from being startled… though when his hand comes back red, I can't even try to deny what's happened.
"Show me." The order is clear and upset. I flinch. Both my arms reach up, trying to cover myself, even if I am sufficiently covered, I feel vulnerable under his gaze. Still, I… I can't disappoint him. With that, I let my illusions fall. The inhale he takes pulls a flinch out of me. "Why?"
"Deviago… He touched me. He kissed me..." I mumble. I'm surprised by him pulling me into his arms. His lips press against my head. "You'll get-"
"I haven't gotten the chance to get clean yet, Leilah. Besides, you are more important." Yone murmurs. Tears spill from my eyes. Sobs are yanked out of my throat and I let out the terror I held for so long.
Yone helps me down to the ground as my legs give out. He doesn't let me go for a second. Instead, he pulls me even tighter into his grip, gently running his hand through my hair. He's… he's become my shield to the outside world. He's made a bubble of safety… just for me… Or that he's just being kind. Still, it's very appreciated, letting everything out in his arms. I feel safe enough to do so. While Starshadow and Aurora and Daamien are all good… Sometimes I just need someone human, someone who can understand me, to help me.
Eventually, all my sobs subside. I'm trembling, everything just taking too much out of me… Maybe also a bit from blood loss… But… I have to say I feel better.
"Better?" Yone asks. I nod in his chest. He still doesn't let go. "Would you heal yourself?"
Already done. Starshadow mutters in my mind. My magic floods my body, healing everything. I still feel a little dirty from Deviago's touch, but it's not as bad. I can handle it.
"Starshadow took care of that." I mumble. My towel slips a little bit. I blush and quickly pull it up. Yone pretends to not notice. Actually, he pulls off my scarf and gently wraps it around my neck. I inhale the scent. It still smells of Targon, of home, but now his scent is mixed in. It's actually very comforting.
"I… Leilah… Um." I blink red eyes in surprise. I have never known Yone to be so nervous.
"What is it?"
"Leilah… A long time ago… I told you that I would lay down my life for your survival… That hasn't changed… But… I wanted to ask… If I could court you." Yone slowly enunciates. I blink in surprise. He just saw me break down, scratch myself into bleeding, and heard what kind of hells I've gone through… and he… wants to court me?
"Why?" I whisper.
"You… you've been doing your duty to everyone… But no one has done their duty to you. I failed you, by letting you be on your own. By putting you in the position that you had to put yourself in harm's way. I failed to protect you…" Yone trails off.
"I don't think that's how courting works. That sounds more like what Starshadow does." I press my face into his chest.
"Perhaps… but I have been taught to protect the things important to me. Things I… my heart feels for. My duty… and you. You… you matter as much to me as Ionia and my brother. I… I… I want to help you. You've been on my mind for a long time… And… I want to see what life with you… going on all your adventures would be like… knowing that you will come back to me or I… get to see the things you see..." Yone continues to stroke my hair. His entire body shivers when he tries to say what's on his mind. I smile. He's not always the most expressive, but he's trying. My lips are pressed against his chest.
"I've been on so many adventures, I might start losing count soon. On every single adventure… I thought of you too." I confess. Yone stops for a moment before he pulls me into a tighter hug. Somehow… I feel clean.
"So… may I court you?" Yone leans in, his lips hovering over mine.
Leilah? Starshadow calls in my head. I jump from his sudden intrusion.
What is it?
There's… a guy out here, says that Sett came by. Asked to give you a change of clothes. I'd take them. Someone's actually got a decent taste for your style of clothing. Dress, leggings, undergarments… heels? Finally, someone understands how to properly display your prowess. You really need to understand the importance of fashion.
"What is Starshadow saying?" Yone asks. I jolt a little bit.
"How did you know?"
"Your hand always twitches whenever Starshadow says something that annoys you." Yone holds my right hand.
Yasuo's asking if love-making is taking up the time. Starshadow comments in my head. Sure enough, my right hand twitches ever so slightly. Yone chuckles at that before he shifts a little bit.
"You ok?"
"My legs fell asleep. I'll be alright." Yone answers. I immediately push myself up. Making sure that I remain covered, I offer a hand. He accepts the help to his feet. "What did he say?"
"Sett had someone bring a change of clothes that is more to my preference. Though Starshadow wants me to wear heels."
"That's… kind of him." Yone sounds rather bitter.
"Don't worry too much, Yone. He wasn't the person I thought about when I was in other situations." I giggle before pressing a kiss against his cheek. He has a silly grin on his face before he frowns.
"So… is that a yes?" He asks. I smirk and nod. He quickly presses a kiss against my lips before smiling. "Starshadow's probably waiting for you."
"Probably." I feel the same sappy smile on my face.
"And I need to clean up." Yone starts to smirk when I glow brightly and slip out of the bathroom.
Finally! Aspects and Darkins, it's about time you guys got together! Starshadow is in a rather large form, taking up an entire bed on his own, though the clothes that Sett sent are somehow still on the bed.
How did you know? I ask, taking off my scarf before pulling on the clothes. They are the perfect size for me, bra included. In fact, I look exactly how I did before I went to Haru and Luna. Especially when Starshadow looks at it and changes it back to his favorite outfit.
Ten years of not sensing Aurora, Daamien, or you makes sensing your feelings very, very easy to feel. Starshadow happily nudges into me as I wrap my scarf around my neck. My bonded takes the opportunity to return back to his normal spot on my neck. His head keeps nuzzling my neck.
"Stop it!" I laugh as he tickles me.
Anyway, Yone was able to pick up that I was anxious about you hurting yourself - that's not going to happen again - and he went in, telling me to stay out here. Yasuo went for food, and I've been all by my lonesome. I'm hurt that I came back after months of disappearing and no one is paying attention to me! I am a celestial! I am the bonded of the Aspect of Inspiration! Why did no one pay attention to MEEEEEE?
"Starshadow, I really have missed you. You are my best friend, my other half. I feel complete, but I've never been the most… celebratory of people. Farming doesn't make celebrations easy. Besides, I'm more used to hearing stories from travelers and them leaving forever. It is nice that one person I care about has returned." My hand reaches up to pet him.
Hmmm… I'll forgive you this time, you silly human, though next time, I need more tears.
"Are you serious?"
Of course!
"You are so egotistical."
"What is Starshadow saying?" Yasuo asks. He's come back into the room with a tray of food. I help him set down three bowls of fruits and one large bowl of steamed buns, still hot from wherever Yasuo got it from.
"He's complaining over the lack of attention he's getting from me." I answer him.
"Ah. Well, I grabbed his favorite to-"
"RED BEAN PASTE!" Starshadow flies off my shoulders into the bowl. Ow! Hot! My fangs are burning! Worth!
"Starshadow! You sound like a child!" I laugh as I take a seat on the bed I was previously resting on. The door to the bathroom opens once again to Yone stepping out, a towel wrapped around his waist. I blush and avert my eyes. Yasuo snickers as he eats his fruits on the opposite bed.. The sound of clothes on skin increases my glow.
"I haven't had this stuff in over a decade! I get to sound like an insane human youngling when I get to eat my favorite foods!" Starshadow chomps down with his fangs bared. OW!
"You even said it was too hot to begin with!" My giggles echo through the room. Yone, now clothed, slips by me to grab a bowl for himself. He elegantly sits down next to me while taking a bite of white fruit. I take a bite as well. I didn't even feel hungry, though my stomach definitely appreciates the nutrients.
"The only thing hotter than these buns are my desire for them." Starshadow declares.
"Or Yone's duty to Ionia." Yasuo raises a fruit bit. Yone's hands freeze for a second. I too stop moving. We both know how much Yone loves Ionia and wants to protect it. He may be courting me, he may want to travel with me, but… Ionia means everything to me, and to be a good role model for Yasuo… he has to choose Ionia over me… But maybe…
"If… If Yone really wants to come with me, and if someone at the monastery was injured… Starshadow?" I talk out loud. Starshadow's head pops through a bun.
"It's possible. A small cut would be enough to summon us." Starshadow follows my thoughts easily. Both brothers glance between the two of us with confused faces. I'll explain afterwards.
"Yes. How hard would it be to get that injury?" I feel the corners of my mouth lift up a little bit. Yone turns to me with wide eyes.
"Psh. With swords flying around, too easy. Hell, even a papercut would be enough... " Starshadow bites into another bun. Hot, hot, hot.
"You want someone in the monastery… to get a paper cut… so you can teleport back?" Yasuo asks slowly, trying to piece it all together. Yone's face is still full of shock, but now it's different. He's hopeful.
"Yes. That way, if anyone wanted to come along or I need to bring someone with me, I can do it… if they want." I emphasize the option part of this crazy idea.
"...Why are you offering this?" Yone whispers, his hand creeping to mine. I let my fingers curl around his.
"Ionia is your home. You'll defend it with your life. And Yasuo is your brother. You want to be someone your brother will aspire to be. But… you also want to be with me. So, I'm giving you the option. You can come with me for an adventure, and afterwards… if you don't like it... we can bring you back to the monastery." I try not to become too uneasy with all the attention on me. Yone's face is priceless. He puts down his bowl and hugs me tightly. I might be relishing in his embrace a little bit.
"That means that you won't have to choose between duties." Yasuo whispers. He jumps off the bed with an extremely excited cheer. "I won the bet!"
"I helped you! Seventy-Thirty." Starshadow demands. I blink in confusion.
"Did you get back into the gambling world?" Yone lets out a groan. Yasuo stops his celebrations before looking a little bashful.
"This bet was before you discovered my small gambling ring. Starshadow won more than me!" Yasuo points at my stuffed bonded.
"Oh, don't point that finger at me!" Starshadow snaps. There's a smile on my face as I lean into Yone.
I'm definitely going to struggle from what happened. From last time, I had night terrors and moments of panic and anxiety, but as long as I have Starshadow… And now Yone, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to handle everything.
Alright, be honest... How many of you missed Starshadow and his comedic relief? I certainly did, but I felt like this would have been a great moment to show Leilah's flaws and strengths as compared to when she was a child talking with Taric. Now that Starshadow's back, it'll be nice to see how much, if at all, Starshadow has changed. Let's be hoenst, it's ten years to a celestial that's lived for a millenia. It's sweet to hear how he missed her, and how he accepts Leilah's apology for lack of a celebration. Old Starshadow would be demanding that party, but this one would be content just being with Leilah.
I also bet none of you saw this coming. It has been confirmed, Yone will be going on an adventure with Leilah Starshadow next chapter! WOOOOOO! Now... this next chapter is going to be interesting to say the least. It's going to be one hell of a first trip for the man... I almost feel bad... but I'm also a writer willing to throw my main character to the figurative wolves so... yeah... I'm not feeling that bad.
Anyway, I do enjoy some of the submissions for what to call the bearer of an Aspect and a Darkin. There's still time for what else she can be. It's not going to be announced for a while. I know exactly when to do so too, so feel free to keep making submissions until she's given the name. Also, still love me some reviews. When I'm feeling stuck, I read your reviews and I wonder how I can give you guys the best results, then I am inspired again. So keep them reviews coming!
Lastly, my usual fairwell... Today is Aurelion Sol. The dragon with a massive ego and a dislike for mortals... and I have to say something nice about him... May you keep the fires of your spirit alive, to drive you to what you want to be. And I hope that your day is extraordinary, just like the star forger.