I wake up with a heavy arm draped over me, soft and deep breathing fanning over my neck as coppery hair tickles my arm.
Masen looks so cute when he sleeps, face free of worry, pouty lips pillowy soft and inviting. The only thing that's not cute per se, is the iron rod of a boner that's pressing into my ass. I don't even know the fuck that thing even still works. After last night, I didn't think he'd have any dick left. I bite my lip and giggle to myself. It's Sunday, still early judging by the grayish sky, and tomorrow I'll be going back to work. I get up and throw Masen's T-shirt on before I walk to the bathroom and splash some cold water in my face.
I'm taken aback by my own reflection. My hair is a complete rat's nest, but that not what surprised me. My face is slightly red, my lips too and they're swollen from kissing and my eyes appear more deep, more alive than the last time I saw them. Despite looking tired, I sorta look happy. Thinking about that word and the meaning of it makes my heart flutter. The meaning of that word lays naked in my bed, and I haven't felt this since before my parents, before Jake. Before everything went to shits.
As I stand in the open doorway, I take the time to look at Masen. I eye his lean, muscular body, his angular face, but I also see his heart— his charm, his willingness to sacrifice for me, to help me and take me away from here.
His job may make him look like the villain, but he's nothing if not my own, desturbed version of a hero. He's perfect in my eyes.
I try to make as little noise as I can and sit down at the table, picking the chair that allows me to still look at Masen.
There's a notepad and a pen, and I start making a list for myself.
Pro
Masen
New beginning
Future
I sigh and fiddle with the pen in my hand before I light a cigarette as I look down at my scribbled, rushed handwriting. Somehow, I'm trying to convince myself not to take him up on his offer, and I don't know why. Only when I take a deep drag of Masen's second-to-last Marlboro and I start writing on the other side of the line I drew, I know what's stopping me.
Con
Leaving Rose
No Esme
No rent pick-up
No more job
New beginning
My brain starts shifting into overdrive when I see the cons outweigh the pros. I gnaw at my bottom lip, and wonder if I'm going to settle my future over a stupid fucking list. The longer I look at a sleeping Masen, the more dead-set I am about my decision. Next thing I know, I'm looking for solutions to the cons and smile brightly as I wrap my mind around it and make a new list, because I'm sure once Masen is awake, he'll distract me somehow.