After Haymitch and Katniss left, Effie forced herself to function for Peeta. The boy needs her and it's all that matters to her. Thank goodness for her spontaneous idea of opening up another bank account under a different name because otherwise, she will be penniless in the Capitol after the rebels confiscated her money and assets. The other bank account was just a spur of the moment decision when she was picked to become an escort. She transferred her own money, the one she made from modeling, to that bank account and some of her earned ones from being an escort over the years and since her parents provided for her most of the time and some months she's living at the penthouse or the train, she saved loads of money.
She used it to purchase a new apartment for her and Peeta. The boy was kind enough not to ask how she was able to afford it. Other people in the Capitol just assumed it's because of her family. She kept her mouth shut and let them speculate.
The first few weeks were easy. She even made it to getting Peeta to the hospital for his therapy and picking him up. She regularly called Haymitch to update him about the boy's condition and to check on him and Katniss, but as days went on, things became harder for her to bear. The strain and exhaustion of pretending are pinning her down each day. She stopped going out. People wouldn't stop harassing her on the streets anyway and it's not good for her flashbacks. She thought hearing Haymitch's voice on the phone would help her stay sane but all she felt was longing and sadness and envy so she called less. She only picked up the phone when Peeta reminded her and she didn't want to disappoint the boy.
Sleep became foreign for her. Each time she closed her eyes, she's being sent back to prison or the penthouse. Peeta asked her one time when he woke her up from a nightmare about what happened to her at the penthouse but she did her best to avoid the subject. It's not something she's prepared to share. She stopped sleeping after that or did her best to avoid it whenever Peeta was in the apartment with her. It's all about helping the boy, not stressing him with her issues.
She learned to pick up a bottle every now and then and with each gulp, she's missing Haymitch. She had stopped calling him because hearing his voice meant breaking her heart. She understood why he must leave, she truly did but it didn't help her brain from being angry with him. He promised never to leave her again. He promised to be there for her always and yet he jumped on being Katniss' guardian the moment Dalia bailed. He did not even think about it or tell her about it. He decided already.
Children always come first…
Sometimes she wants to scream over those words but that wouldn't be fair. The children never asked them to put them first. It was something they both do out of love.
When Peeta was finally given the green bill of health, he asked for her to come with him to Twelve. She recalled how Haymitch asked her the same and she agreed only for him to give it a rest. She knew in her heart she couldn't set foot in that place, not without breaking down. Besides, people there will surely whip her to the post the moment they see her so she declined.
Then, it was just her alone inside her spacious apartment. She suddenly realized how ridiculous it was to buy such big space knowing she would end up alone in it. She was trying to make the boy comfortable. That was all.
Taking a job should be a wise idea but given her background, no one in the Capitol would want to hire her. Plutarch offered but after being imprisoned by the rebels, she wants nothing to do with them. Besides, she got a lot of money to go on. It's not like she's high maintenance anymore. She barely goes out so it cut her expenses down.
She did pick up habits though. Her drinking got worse. Smoking, pills…drugs. She spiraled down quickly. In her moment of desperation, she found herself outside her parents' house. She just does not want to be alone anymore and she's welcoming her parents' insults and rants about her lifestyle, her choices but none of that happened because they wouldn't even let her in.
That sent her into partying. She needed people despite hating being around them. She hates the silence of her apartment, the feeling of being alone. She wants to be numb and so she did her best to be just that. With each morning, she would wake up in an unfamiliar environment with a stranger on her side. At least, the nightmares stopped coming. It's one consolation for all of her destructive habits.
One day, she arrived home to her phone ringing nonstop. She thought about ripping it off the hook but it could be something so she picked it up.
"About fucking time…where the fuck have you been?!" Johanna's voice rang loudly in her ears that she winced.
"That's not the way to answer the phone, Johanna. I was out. Why have you called?" she asked.
There is a pause on the other end.
"Out? It's barely seven in the morning over there…were you out all night? Did you just get back? Is that what you've been doing for the last two years?" the girl asked.
Effie blinked at that. Two years? Has it been two years already? She must have stayed silent for so long because Johanna was already cursing over the phone.
"Sorry…I'm still here. What do you need from me?" she asked her back.
She heard Johanna sighed.
"It's Peeta's birthday this weekend. You should come", she answered.
Two years…she still couldn't wrap her head around it.
"To Twelve? Are you serious?" Effie asked again.
"It's different now. I've been there. They rebuilt the whole district and there are other people from other districts living there now. Besides, you know Loverboy would want to see you again and the bird too, not to mention Haymitch", Johanna answered.
Hearing his name again…she felt pain in her chest.
"I doubt he will be glad. I'm certain he's angry with me", she muttered.
"Well, we're all crossed you did not bother to let us know you're still alive for two fucking years. If it was not for Plutarch who kept on reassuring all of us that you are, we would have stormed the Capitol already. So, I guess you're right to think he's angry but you know Haymitch can never hate you. Once you're in Twelve, I bet my axe he will never let you go again. Just come…I don't like playing matchmaker and shit. We all want to see you. It's been too fucking long, yeah?" Johanna explained.
Can she really do it? Make it to Twelve? It's not like there's anything holding her back in the Capitol anymore? What does she got to lose?
"Alright…I'll be there, just don't tell them. I don't want them to expect…" she agreed.
And that's why she found herself walking the streets of District Twelve. Why was she carrying a suitcase? She does not really know. It was her subconscious perhaps. She's hoping that Johanna was right, that Haymitch would want her to stay.
"Effie!" Peeta exclaimed so loud everyone stopped talking and turned to her.
The attention made her flush and bow down her head. The boy went to her and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"Happy birthday, dear", she greeted.
Katniss made her way to her and suffocated her too with a hug.
"Finally…what took you so long?" the girl asked.
What was she supposed to say to that? I lost two years of my life without even knowing it? It's not the proper answer, not with the occasion going on. It's too grim.
"Just some stuff…I brought you something", she handed them some presents, last minute but quite expensive, "It wouldn't be a birthday without presents", she added.
She wanted to sound cheerful but she seemed to have forgotten how to do it.
"Trinket! You fucking bitch…" Johanna slammed onto her and clung to her. "Don't disappear like that again, you hear me?" she demanded.
Annie greeted her and introduced her to little Finn. They talked for a little while before Chaff came over and greeted her as well. For a while, it seemed to be going just fine until she saw Haymitch. She mustered all her courage and went to him.
"Hello, Haymitch", she greeted.
"What are you doing here, Trinket?" he asked.
It's not the kind of response she's expecting but he's angry and that's okay. He can never stay angry with her, right? He can never hate her just like what Johanna said.
"Don't you want me here?" she asked.
He used to. She knows he used to.
"I ain't the one who became a stranger here, princess. Don't worry though. You did us all a favor. Helped us moved on. Wasn't easy but without any reminder of the games, we were able to manage", he answered.
That felt like a slap. It hurts more than being banned from her parents' house or being insulted on the streets. It hurts more than all the tortures she went through. She's a reminder. She's a reminder of the games for them, for him. That's what she has become. She missed her chance. She wasted two years without even knowing it and she missed her chance. Now, Haymitch does not want to do anything with her especially when Hazelle came into the picture. She can already understood why. He found someone else. He does not hate her. He just does not need her anymore. He does not need a reminder.
She excused herself and went back to talking with the others. What a foolish thing to do…bring a suitcase? After everything, she can still be naïve. She focused her attention to Finn the entire night. At least, the kid will not have the mind yet to judge her. A few more years and she will be reduced to nothing more than a reminder of his father's ill fate. Coming to Twelve was a mistake.
"Effie, everything okay?" Peeta asked.
"Yes, dear. Why wouldn't I be?" she answered then asked.
"I saw you talking to Haymitch earlier and…it looked like it did not go well", he answered.
Always so observant…
"Everything's fine, dear. Don't worry. I greeted him and that's all. I've met Hazelle. She's a nice woman", she said.
Something flashed in his eyes but she avoided looking into it. If she's not going to be part of their lives, there's no need to be attached.
"You're staying, right? I mean…you have your suitcase and all. You're at least staying for a few days", he asked in a hopeful manner.
She debated whether to let him hope or to tell it to him straight. She went with the latter.
"I'll stay the night but I'll be leaving tomorrow. I only came here for your birthday, Peeta. That's all", she answered.
That's partly a lie. She came hoping to be accepted, to be welcomed by her team…by Haymitch, but that did not happen.
"Why can't you stay? I want you to stay. We want you to stay", Peeta insisted.
She sighed and gently brushed his hair.
"I am here now. Can't we make the most out of it? Let's forget about everything else and be present in the moment. I don't want you to be reminded of the past because I am here. I want you to enjoy your night so let's do that, yeah?" she suggested instead.
Peeta gave up soon enough and they all enjoyed the rest of the night. The boy carried her suitcase to his house and allowed her some rest but she did not rest. She did not sleep. She couldn't sleep. She's not drunk enough nor high enough to keep the nightmares away so she stayed awake. She cannot be wasted in the presence of the children. She can do that back at the Capitol where no one will care what happens to her, what she represents. It's just going to be her and her alone.
When the morning comes, she picked up her suitcase that was never been opened and went downstairs. She wanted to leave a note but that would take time. Besides, she does not know what to say anyway. It's just going to be harder. They moved on. That's good enough for her. They survived and they found the life of a Victor. As for her, she must go back to the Capitol and do her best to numb all the pain and forget. That is her life now. It's her new Panem.
"Capitol?" the conductor asked.
"Yes…ain't it always", she answered and downed her glass of whisky in one go.