Disclaimer: All MLP:FiM characters belong to Hasbro and DHX Media. I do not own any of them except my OC.
I was in the throne room again along with the rest of the gang because Pinkie wanted all of us here for some reason. We were still waiting on her and Rainbow. Speaking of which, Rainbow came flying in and said "I thought Pinkie Pie said to get here right away." She did, but maybe you're not looking hard enough. Applejack said "She sure had a burn in her bridges about somethin'." Yeah, tell me about it. Spike asked "So, where is she?" I might know. I said "Look behind you." As soon as I said that, Pinkie said "Yeah, what is taking her so long?" Ha ha very funny Pinkie. Now move on please. "Just kidding. You guys really need to look behind you once in a while." I technically did Pinkie. Thank you very much. Twilight said "Uh, Pinkie? You said you had something important to tell us." Yeah, you did. Time's a-wastin here. That military paperwork isn't going to fill out itself. Hey, that's what I do for a living nowadays. Ever since I've become a prince. I have command over the Royal Army, but I take orders from Celestia. She's basically my boss more or less. But very soon, I will be Commander-in-chief of Equestria's military and all final say will go to me.
Can't wait for that day. Pinkie said "Not telling, but just showing. In fact, what you're about to see may shake the very foundations of your perception for ALL TIME!" I basically decided to provide emphasis and I shook the Earth with the scepter's magic and had lightning and thunder go off. I asked "So like that?" Pinkie said "Eh, yeah. Pretty much." She took out a cupcake and I was confused. In fact, all of us were confused. Fluttershy said "Um, a cupcake?" I hope you didn't drag me here just so I could stare at a cupcake. Pinkie said "YES! But wait. There's more!" Do pray tell. She pushed down the cherry on the cupcake and it was a button that sprung out confetti and had a picture of Cheese Sandwich on there. Hmm. I wonder what this could mean. "It's an invitation to visit the Cheese Sandwich Amusement Factory!" Hmm. How interesting. Spike asked "Cheese Sandwich opened a factory?" Apparently so. Applejack started laughing and said jokingly "What do they make there? Rubber Chickens?" LOL xD. If you've watched the Season 4 episode "Pinkie Pride," you know why this is funny. Pinkie said "That's ridiculous!" Eh, not really if you think about it.
"They make way more there than just rubber chickens!" I guess, but that doesn't exactly prove your point though. Rarity said "Gosh, Cheese hardly seems like the factory type." Yeah, you would think. But ponies always have big plans sometimes even if it means shifting completely to a different industry just to fulfill their "life's purpose." It happens quite a lot. "I just assumed he'd continue to wander Equestria throwing parties." Perhaps, but like I said, sometimes, you have to use different things in order to fulfill a certain goal that you have. Even if it is a bit strange or off for others. "Still, you must be excited to see him." Get that romantic shipping going. Even though they never said that these two were, I believe the creators had basically had both Pinkie and Cheese married. It's just a theory, but from what I've seen in the last episode of the series, it appears that way. But you could make arguments for either side. So, you can debate it amongst yourselves as much as you like. Just try to be adults about it and don't call others who might not agree with you stupid or an idiot or something insulting like that. That kind of behavior is what our modern culture has turned into today in the present and it absolutely sickens me.
Whatever happened to the Bald Eagle that represented freedom and our First Amendment right of Free Speech? I'm not going to get into a political discussion, but you can see what point I'm trying to make here. Anyway, Pinkie said "I am! I can't wait to tour his factory, catch up, have him tell me my life's purpose, swap gag tips." Hang on here. What?! Applejack said "Whoa whoa whoa. What did you say?" There was a lot she said, Applejack. You have to be a bit more specific. Pinkie said "Uh, catch up. I mean, it has been a while." Yes, but I think you're missing the point. Twilight said "I think Applejack is asking about the part about Cheese Sandwich and your life's purpose." Bingo. Nailed it. Pinkie had a look of realization on her face and said "Oh that. Yeah." I see. "It's just all you have found your thing." What do you mean? She looked at Twilight and said "You and Zachary are going to rule all of Equestria, Rainbow Dash is a Wonderbolt, Fluttershy has her animal sanctuary, Rarity has her boutiques, Applejack has that hat." Uh, you're forgetting something Pinkie. "And the farm. So that's like… two things!" That's better. I can see that satisfied grin on your face, Applejack. "I don't even have one." What are you talking about?
She crunched on some of the cupcake and sighed. "When I first got Cheese's invite, I was a little jealous." I can see why. "It feels like he was moving on to bigger and better things and everypony was leaving me behind." We all feel that way at some point in our lives. After she said that, I started laughing kinda sinisterly. Now, I know what you're thinking: That's extremely cruel and hurtful. But, if you stick around, you'll see where I'm going with this. After probably about 30 seconds, I stopped laughing and I was given a bunch of angry glares. I said "If you honestly think that I have figured out my "life's purpose" yet, then you would be sadly mistaken." Pinkie was confused and said "But you're going to rule Equestria with Twilight. How could you not feel like you have discovered your life's purpose?" I said "Just because I will become King of Equestria one day doesn't mean that I have my "life's purpose" all figured out. In fact, I really don't even care if I have one or not. It's not important to me so, I don't even bother with it. Anyway, the thing is we all feel like those around us are moving on without us in the dust at some point in our lives, but there are ways to combat that. Even for me, I have yet to discover my "life's purpose." Will I ever find it? I don't know. I may never discover it."
"Or I could one day and that's what I do for the rest of my life. But whether or not I find it has no importance to who I am as a person. You might find yours one day or you might not. The point is though, no matter what, don't lose hope and continue to do what makes you happy." Pinkie seemed quite happy with that and somehow stretched out her entire body out into the air and basically hugged me to death. I looked over at Twilight and she was giving Pinkie an annoyed look. Oh. Someone's jealous. "I am not! I'm just concerned for your well-being and making sure she doesn't crush you to death." "Bullcrap. Yeah, you're not fooling me Twilight. I can tell that you are jealous of Pinkie because she's showing some sort of affection to me. Don't worry. I will always choose you over anyone else to be with. Nothing will ever change between us." "I guess you're right. Maybe I'm just being too selfish and like hogging you to myself." "There's nothing wrong with that, but it's important to spread all the love around. Friendship love, not mutual love. I ain't out here to have a bunch of sister wives living in this castle. No thank you." "Okay then." In case you're curious why I put quotes around the words life's purpose, it's because I don't find it useful.
I don't believe in a "life's purpose." My only purpose in life is to worship the Lord your God and serve him only. That's what my purpose is. Not to rule as King alongside Twilight. Not to run Equestria's military. Not to hang out with my friends. Not to be the most powerful creature in all of Equestria. It is to worship and serve the Lord. His kingdom has ruled for all of time and there will be no end to it at all. He is the Alpha and the Omega. The beginning and the end. The everlasting to everlasting. The King of Kings and the Lord of all Lords. I was made in his image and he created me to tell his good news to all of the world and make disciples of all nations. Yeah, yeah. I know. All you atheists or people from other religions don't want to hear that, but this is what I believe and unlike the others, it is true. Christianity is the one true religion in the world. You might doubt me now, but when the end does come, the truth will be revealed to you as every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord. It will happen someday. Whether that will be in two seconds or if it's 5,000 years from now. We'll never truly know. Okay time to move on. Sermon is over. But remember that as you live throughout your lives because it will be important when that day comes.
You have to be prepared for it at any time and it will have an impact on everyone. Whether you're a nobody or if you are the most popular person in the world. It doesn't matter. But, let's move on before I turn this entire chapter into a sermon on Sunday's. But this stuff is important, so don't try to avoid it. Anyway, Pinkie said "I eventually realized that Cheese Sandwich is a party pony just like me!" Yeah, he started doing parties because of you Pinkie. The story of that in the "Pinkie Pride" episode really is something very special and heartwarming. "If he figured out his purpose, he could help me figure out mine!" Perhaps. But at the end of the day, it's up to you to truly know what your "life's purpose" is. No one else can tell you that. Not me. Not Twilight. Not the rest of our friends or even Cheese Sandwich. Only you can figure that out. You could get inspiration from Cheese and get some ideas from him, but it's ultimately up to you to make that decision and no one else. Twilight said "I think talking to Cheese Sandwich is a great idea, but the only pony who can really find your life's purpose is you." Is there an echo in here? Pinkie said "I know, silly. That's why I'M going to visit Cheese Sandwich's factory so I can ask him to help ME!" Okay, Pinkie. We get it.
No need to empathize it like that. She just continued to crunch on the cupcake and I could only look away in disgust. That's not even edible. It's literally made of wood. Heck, when Rockhoof tried to eat an Apple made of wood, he was quite mad and felt like he got scammed even though he had no idea it was just for decoration. Spike asked "Uh, Pinkie? Are you sure this is edible?" It's not. No one can consume wood. You can break it with your teeth, but you don't eat it like a regular meal. It's not good for your body and can seriously harm it. Even for a lion like me, I could never eat something like that whatsoever. I would get very sick from that and I would probably need to have surgery in order to get it out. Pinkie thought about it for a second and confidently "I am not!" Dang. She said that loud and proud. Oh well. I guess she doesn't care. More power to ya then, Pinkie. I followed her to the factory and it definitely looked like something from the Industrial Revolution to say the least. There were definitely a lot of posters as well on the walls surrounding the factory. "Yep! Anypony with a smile like that is exactly the kind of pony I want helping me!" If you say so, Pinkie.
She bounced around some more before the guards at the gate blocked the entrance to it. Oh my. They do not look very happy to say the least. I guess Pinkie didn't notice them that much. "Oh hey guys! Pardon me. Just gonna uh… squeeze by." She tried going through the fence, but those ponies weren't budging whatsoever. The male guard said "Can we help you?" Dang. Chillax man. No need to get all mad and everything. Pinkie replied "You sure can! I'm here to see Cheese Sandwich!" The guards obviously didn't buy that and the female one said "Cheese Sandwich doesn't SEE anypony!" What the heck do you mean by that? The male guard said "This factory's shut tight! Nopony ever comes out and nopony goes in, including you. So, move along." Excuse me sir. I am a royal of Equestria! If I want to come in here, you will let me in here no matter what your boss says! I have higher authority than you and if you don't let me in if I want to, then I shall spare you no mercy. "Aww, that's a shame." Tell me about it. "To think I came all this way because of this personal invitation from Cheese Sandwich himself." The guards still looked skeptical, but once they saw the invitation, they quickly changed their expressions. The female guard said "You… You have an invitation?" Yes, why do you think we're in the first place?
Just for the memes? Heck no. We came here for a reason, you dimwit. The male guard said "Well, why didn't you say so?" You never asked, you scumbag. So, don't be surprised by that when somepony says they have an invitation. The male guard pressed the button and some alarm went off before the gates opened. Pinkie walked in and the female guard said "Next time, I get to press the button!" Oh for crying out loud! Can you not bicker like a bunch of five year old children? It's annoying and stupid. Pinkie looked around and thought it was desolate. She said "Hello? Anypony there?" Your mom. The doors opened and out came a giant red carpet. Pinkie screamed and ran the other way to make sure she didn't get hit by the carpet. Somepony came out but he looked like Cheese Sandwich. However, I knew that really wasn't him because for one, his fur color is different, and two, his cutie mark is different as well. If you pay attention to detail here, you can see the clear differences between these two ponies. Pinkie apparently didn't notice somehow and I was left speechless. "Cheese! I'm so glad to see you!" That's not him, Pinkie! It's quite obvious that's not him.
The pony pulled the mask off his face and said "Hmm. This should have gotten a big laugh." What makes you say that? "I wonder if we need to add more carpet rolls. I suppose it could be the mask." You are making no sense right now. But then again, I know nothing when it comes to manufacturing, so I guess there isn't really much I can say about it. If I had experience, then maybe I could comment on it. But since I don't, I can't really. "Let's try taking the nostril flare down ten percent. Thoughts?" Uhhhh… Seems fine to me. I know nothing about this field, so whatever works is fine by me. Pinkie said "I have a thought. Who are you?" I would sure like to know. I have never seen this pony around whatsoever. The pony said "So sorry. Sands Smirk. Vice-president of Amusement Integration." That's an interesting name for a factory. "Mr. Sandwich is very excited you're here." Well, that's no surprise. "If you'll just follow me, it's a short trip through the factory to Cheese's office." Probably somewhere on the top floor I bet. Pinkie took a good long look at the factory and said "Wow! A whole factory dedicated to gags!" Yip-hee. I'm so excited I'm going to pee myself. Yeah, not really. To be honest, it's not that exciting. I'm just saying. "Oh! I bet this is the funnest place ever!" Heh. We'll see about that.
Pinkie ran inside and burst open the doors. What she saw wasn't what she was expecting. It was your typical factory that you would normally see in any modern city. "Huh. Maybe the fun is behind this boring looking factory stuff." You would be technically wrong with that. Pinkie for some reason put herself on the belts and rolled down to the assembly line when she fell into the box. A can hit her in the back of the head and Pinkie looked to see where it was coming from. Sands said "The fun is the factory stuff." I kinda figured that. "We take a very serious approach to comedy here." You sound like every restaurant showing off their company statement now. They all say the same thing and I have yet to see one actually stand out. I'm not saying that the food they make isn't great or anything, but that's just so cliche to say nowadays. It gets old after a while. "Observe." I'm watching. "Oh look. A pretty flower." Sands took a whiff of the flower and water came squirting out of it which soaked his face. Yeah, this is definitely a gag gift. Where's the lottery tickets with the three cherries? No gag is complete without that.
Pinkie said "The squirting flower's a classic." Doesn't surprise me. "Oh! What if the flower was part of a shirt, but the flower didn't squirt, the shirt did?!" That would be quite funny if you ask me. Sands said "That is literally the funniest thing I ever heard." Really? You don't sound like it. To be fair, some don't show their enthusiasm as much as others, but still, it looks like you don't care. I don't really know and I don't even want to bother trying to think about it because the author has had a long day and he's just tired and doesn't want to have to think a lot about things. Anyway, Pinkie just laughed and said "Oh, come on. That's just off the top of my head." Pinkie, you truly are something else. This isn't being romantic here, it's simply observation here. I'm serious. I already have Twilight. I don't need multiple marefriends here. That goes against everything I believe in. If you're a Christian, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, you can pick up what I'm putting down here. Not that hard really. Anyway, let's move on. "You'd probably get 17,000 ideas like that from Cheese every minute." I don't really see him around though. Also, why does everyone use 17,000 nowadays? Whenever someone says that number, it reminds me of Mater's Tall Tales where Mater tells Lightning McQueen of the one time he went to space and was traveling 17,000 miles an hour. Seemed quite ridiculous to me.
But that's just how it is. Sands missed part of that and said to the worker "We'd have to use a series of interconnected tubes in the fabric." Okay then. This is making me extremely confused, but I'm not even going to bother trying to figure it out whatsoever. "What do you think of this?" Sands pulled out a whoopie cushion and pressed on it which honestly didn't even sound that funny. The only reason why was because it was bland. It needed something in order to make it funny. You feel me? Okay good. That's what I thought. Moving on. Pinkie said "I think it's a whoopie cushion." Well, gee. Thanks for stating the obvious Pinkie. We all know that. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Sands said "Yes" and motioned for the workers to come over. Pinkie then said "But what if you made the embarrassing sound come from somepony else?!" Okay. Please elaborate on that. Sands said "I sit on it, but the sound comes from you." Uh huh. Yeah, I'm listening. "We can call it the Villaintrillabe Cushion." That's a new one. Never heard that before. The workers started writing down notes and Pinkie said "So, which way is Cheese's office again?"
Go down the hall, go up some stairs, go down some more, pass by 7-Eleven, turn left, go down an elevator, go through Tijuana, make sure you say hi to Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber while you're at it, up a couple more flights of stairs, take two rights, two more lefts, and then the door to the office will be on the right next to the Teacher's Lounge. Sands quickly refocused and said "Right. Of course. It's been quite a while since we've had the opportunity to work with true comic inspiration like this." What do you mean by that? Pinkie got suspicious and asked "What about Cheese?" Hmm. I feel something wrong here. Sands dodged the question and said "Oh. One more thing." What would that be exactly? "Our super-slip banana peel. Still in development, but we think it's pretty special." I see. The banana peel was encased in some sort of glass cover like it's a super prized possession. I can't really blame them. Anywho, Sands lifted the cover off and the banana peel took off across the factory. Hello! That thing was fast. Unfortunately, some workers had slipped and fell down because of how slippery that peel was. It went up a ramp and bounced off the wall just in time for it to go back to it's hiding spot on the table. Sands put the cover back on and was curious about Pinkie's opinion of it. I got something for ya. That thing is super quick and dangerously slippery. That's all I have to say. Let's see what Pinkie thinks.
"So, too slippery?" Seems fine to me. Although, certain ponies might not find that funny and actually get pretty angry at you for doing something like that. Pinkie said "Oh ho ho ho, what if instead of slippery, you were sticking?" I guess? I'm not sure. "One step on this banana peel and you can't get it off? Ha ha ha. That's funny." Yeah, it pretty much is. Reminds me of when George and Harold from Captain Underpants put some sort of super glue on every seat in the gym. That was hilarious. But what's stupid is that great series had to be cancelled. I despise the cancel culture group. So does the author as well. Both him and me seethe with anger anytime this group cancels something for some stupid and foolish reason. I don't understand how a children's book that has evil toilets running around is considered racist. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I'll tell you this right now: cancel culture is stupid. When someone does something bad, we are to hold them accountable for their actions, NOT try to end their career entirely. Unfortunately, most young people don't get that and can't wrap that around their minds. I am a young person and for me to say that cancel culture is stupid, that's saying something.
And I do not want to hear your excuses down below in the reviews section. There is no sort of defense for cancel culture whatsoever. If you can come up with one, then you are delusional. If big tech corporations get offended by this, or even the group themselves, I do not care whatsoever. They deserve to get called out for their foolish actions. It's about time someone does something about it because this crap has gone on for far too long. It's time to bring it to an end. If you don't support me on that stance, that's fine. You can oppose me all you wish. But that won't change my mind about it. I have always believed that and always will believe that as long as there is still breath in my lungs. Case closed. Moving on. Sands said "Wow. Just wow. You're exactly the pony Cheese Sandwich needs to see." Well, they have very similar personalities, so it makes sense. Pinkie followed him and said "Great! Because he's exactly the pony I need to see!" Okay then. Pinkie went up the stairs and opened the door. However, the room was quite dark and it seemed concerning. "Uh hello?" I have a bad feeling about this. Cheese said "Pinkie. I'm-I'm glad you came." Why wouldn't she? I really am starting to get concerned here. Pinkie said "Of course I did. Your factory is… biggggg." Is that you just being nice or do you actually mean it?
"It really seems like you found your purpose which is perfect since I came here for help." Yeah, the gang heard you say that. I was there. Cheese said "That is perfect. I knew I could count on you to help me." What's going on here? I feel like something extremely terrible is about to happen. I'm literally sitting on the edge of my seat right now. Pinkie didn't seem to notice at first and said "Well, that's triple perfect because… oh wait. Why do you need my help?" Wait for it. Cheese turned the lights on with his hooves and said "Because Pinkie I… I've completely lost my laugh!" Hold up. WHAT?! When did this happen? Pinkie gasped in horror and asked "You lost your laugh?!" Apparently so. That… is not something you hear everyday. "Is that some kind of joke because it's not a funny one." I don't think so, Pinkie. Seems pretty legit to me. Cheese said "It's not a joke. And even if it was, I wouldn't be able to laugh at it." Yeah, doesn't exactly sound like something that's even funny. Pinkie said "Rrriiggghhtttt... Why don't we continue this discussion over some delicious canned peanut brittle hmm? A-HA!" She opened the can and out came some fake snakes that hit Cheese's face, but his expression remained the same.
Yep, he lost his laugh. Thankfully, Pinkie was able to realize it and was completely surprised. "Wow. You did lose your laugh. That's horrible!" Eh, I've heard worse, but I feel bad for the guy. Sands said "Sorry to interrupt, but it occurs to me that a seven percent tighter wind would yield a twelve percent increase in giggle output." How exactly did you come up with these percentages though? Last time I remember, you weren't a scientist, so don't tell me you just came up with the numbers magically by just pure observation. Cheese said "This is why we're a team." What do you mean by that? Please elaborate further on this. "Sands here is always able to eek every last laugh of my gags which- which is a help since I haven't come up with any good ones in a while." I feel ya man. I feel ya. Cheese just buried his head on the desk in shame and Pinkie said "Wait, so you can tell if a gag is funny or not, you just can't laugh at it?" I believe so. Cheese said with tears in his eyes "YES! And it's TORTURE!" I can only imagine. I feel really bad for this dude. Pinkie lifted his head up and asked "How did this happen?" You're about to find out. Cheese said "Uh well, I don't know." Gee, that helps. You could be more specific, you know. "Back when I was a party pony, I laughed at everything!" Hopefully, not everything. There are certain things that just aren't funny.
Believe me. I know it all too well. "I spread my party cheer wherever I was needed. I even started making individual one-of-a-kind novelty gags for each and every one of my parties." Yeah, I'm sure they weren't that hard to make. Oh my. That pinata had a lot of goodies in there. "Soon, it seemed like everypony in Equestria wanted one." Yeah, well, those were pretty funny. "It was more work than my hooves could handle, but I didn't want to disappoint all those smiling faces." That's good. Even though you had a problem on your hooves, you were still determined to bring a smile to ponies' faces no matter how difficult it was. "Luckily, Sands Smirk came to me with the idea of a factory. A gag factory." Hmm. Seems pretty genius if you ask me. "I could finally keep up with demand and make everypony happy." That's good. But there is a plot twist coming here. "Soon, we were sending gags all over Equestria." Hmm. I guess that many ponies wanted gag gifts. Ah ha! I'm starting to see the problem right here. Cheese is just being monotone about the gifts and not even laughing at them. Because of that, that caused him to lose his laugh! HA HA! Case solved. But it will take Pinkie longer to figure that out. "But then, one day it was just gone." Ouch. That does seem tragic.
It just randomly disappeared leaving no trace whatsoever. I can only imagine how that feels. "I haven't left the factory since." Yeah I can understand why. That's probably the reason why the security guards don't let anyone come in or go out. Cheese probably went to them and told them to keep anyone from entering or from leaving because Cheese is extremely ashamed of himself for what he has become. "I- I don't want anypony to see me like this." Yeah, it wouldn't look very good on your resume. "I-I mean, look at me! Boneless 2 doesn't even recognize me anymore!" The rubber chicken was sitting in the chair and somehow turned in the other direction on its own. Why do I feel like there is supernatural power going on somewhere? This is starting to get creepy. "So, can you help me, Pinkie? What do you think?" She might be able to help you, but, we'll see here. Pinkie said "I think I have two words for you: knock knock." Who's there? Cheese said with sadness "Who's there?" Pinkie said "Boo." Oh wait. I know this trick. Yeah, you ain't fooling me this time around. Cheese asked "Boo who?" He fell for it, but he's extremely desperate at this point, so I'll give him a pass. Pinkie said "Don't cry because I'm going to get you your laugh back!" If you say so.
We went outside and Pinkie began trying to come up with ideas. "Let's start with something small." Like what? I'm quite curious. "Excuse me, Mr. Smirk, but is there something in my eye?" Okay then. That's an interesting gag. Sands said "Top notch eye googling, Ms. Pie." If you say so. Cheese just sighed but Pinkie continued on. She said "Why, thanks Sands olde pal. Put it there!" Oh no. Is this what I think it is? Sands stuck out his hoof in a handshake and he got electrocuted. Yep, the classic joybuzzer gag. One of the oldest out there. Cheese was even more depressed and I can't blame him. That stuff hurts pretty much, so I wouldn't laugh at it unless it was one of my enemies. Then, I would find it funny. "Oh, sorry about that. Let me make it up to you. How about some pie?" Pinkie took out a pie and smashed it into her face before eating it all with her tongue. Sands wrote down notes on his notepad and said "Googling eye to hoof buzzer to pieface per at fall. *makes kissing noises to the air* Masterful." Cheese just sighed and Pinkie said "COME ON! Those classic bits put Rainbow Dash's funny bone in a cast for a week!" Yeah, I remember that quite well.
Literally after I came home from one of my business trips with the military, Twilight told me about that as I walked out the train door and I had to rush over to the hospital to check up on Rainbow. Turns out she had a broken funny bone because she laughed super hard and it somehow snapped in two. From the X-ray I saw, it hurt pretty bad and looked pretty awful as well. Anyway, let's just say I wasn't the most happy because I wanted to relax after a tiring trip and when I came back to Ponyville, this is what I was greeted to. I couldn't even go two seconds without something terrible going on. It left me unhappy for weeks and Rainbow apologized to me for making me feel that way. I did forgive her, but things were kinda tense for a while before I completely dropped it. Remember, a lot of time passes between chapters, so that's why you never hear about this stuff because it all happens when the cameras aren't rolling. That's why so much time passes between chapters because of all the military work that is required of me. I'm always going on a business trip for like two or three weeks a month for at least half the year and then I go to big military conventions four times a year every three months. So, there would be one in March, June, September, and December.
I usually plan these events and only military personnel are allowed to these conventions. Usually, we pick out a convention center to go to somewhere in Equestria so we can hold our conference and then the nearest hotel nearby is entirely reserved for Equestria's military. No regular civilians are allowed to stay in the rooms for the time period this convention is going on. When you do make it to the convention center, it is heavily guarded and you are only allowed entry if you have an official royal military ID. Since I am the Prince of Equestrian Defense, I have one of those. So, it's no big deal. Also, because I am second in command of the entire Equestrian military, it definitely puts me high up on the list. I could go on for hours about the stuff that isn't covered by the chapters that are being written, but we don't have all day here, so I'll have to drop it for now. Anyway, Cheese said "Don't blame yourself Pinkie. Whatever I got, I got it bad." For the most part, yes you do. But I believe Pinkie won't give up so easily. Pinkie said "Hmm. Maybe we need to start even smaller." How do you go smaller than that? I'm quite confused here, but Pinkie's the expert here, so I'll let her do her thing and just observe.
We moved back inside the factory and Pinkie was wearing some sort of gym outfit which really did confuse me somewhat. "You can't run before you can walk. And you can't laugh before you can smile. And your smiler is all out of whack! Now let's see what we're working with." Alright. Let's go here bois. "Give me your biggest, bestest smile!" Alright. I was behind Pinkie on the other side of the factory and I gave the biggest evil grin I could think of which definitely showed off my predatory teeth plus also having the look of Sombra here. Yep. Curved red horn and green eyes with purple mist coming out of it. It's only for intimidation purposes. Not to conquer Equestria. Believe me. I have no plans in doing that. Cheese desperately tried to smile, but he was failing miserably. In fact, it even hurt for him trying to smile. How is this even possible? It's not that difficult to smile. I feel like the creators did that on purpose using Flash to make it look that way. When I mean Flash, I mean the computer software they used to make the episodes in the series. Anyways, moving on. "Almost." Poor Cheese. He can't even smile. "Maybe I just need to spot you for a rep or two." Perhaps. But even I don't know that. Pinkie lifted up Cheese's mouth to try and get him to smile, but even she was struggling. Dang. We have a serious problem here.
"Okay, you got this! It's all you! Ready?" She let go, but his smile fell and he was sad again. Ugh! When it fell, it looked like he had extremely low levels of testosterone in his body assuming stallions even have testosterone at all. I know us male humans do, but I'm unsure if it is for a stallion. But I think you get the point. Cheese asked with desperation "Anything?" Afraid not buddy. Pinkie just sighed and Cheese's face went back to normal. Pinkie said "I'm not giving up on you yet Cheese." I'm sure you're not, Pinkie. I don't doubt you at all. "I know there's something somewhere that'll make you laugh. I'll just have to figure out where to look." Yeah, that's gonna be kinda difficult. Sands said "I would like to take this opportunity to point out we are in a gag factory." Uh huh. We know that, but how is that going to help? Sands opened the door and we saw this giant scientific research lab in here. "This is where the magic happens." I guess that's a fair assumption to make. "Research and development. It's where we figure out the science of funny." Uh huh. I'm listening. Pinkie asked "How do you science funny?" Pinkie, there's science for everything. There's probably the science of dressers where you put clothing.
Yeah, that's how far it expands. It covers literally everything. And I mean everything. Nothing is left out here. Sands said "Of course, there's no one size fits all joke, no grand unified gag theory." I have no idea what that is, but whatever. Continue. "But if we figure out the funny of one gag, we can combine it with the funny of another gag, and make a funnier third gag." I see. Sounds very interesting to say the least. Pinkie basically demonstrated how that worked with the can and the pie smasher gadget thing. She said "I guess that makes sense." I'm just as confused as you are Pinkie. So, you're not the only one here. Probably Twilight would be able to figure out this stuff better than me or Pinkie ever would. "Rule of Threes. Hmm. One, two, three. Yep! That math checks out." That's quite obvious, Pinkie. No need to point it out. "Hmm. At this point, I'm willing to try anything!" Well, let's see how it goes here. She tried a whole bunch of things, but nothing seemed to work. Suddenly, when she was looking at all those diagrams and being stressed out, I noticed that my red curved horn started glowing a bit. Huh. That's weird. Honestly, so many things happen these days, that I don't even pay attention to it all. It's nothing to worry about in my opinion.
Finally, Pinkie was at a dead end and all seemed hopeless. "I don't understand!" Nor do I, Pinkie. This kind of thing is very confusing for all of us. "I've tried everything! Standup, classic gag, physical humor, frot covering, bothaville, surreal offering, canter pieces, NOTHING'S WORKED!" Good grief. That's a lot of different kinds of humor right there. Sands said "It seems that we've exhausted every avenue that even the science of comedy can provide." Yeah, pretty much. Cheese felt heartbroken and said "That's it then." What do you mean by that? Pinkie was confused and asked "What do you mean?" Yeah, I would like to know as well. Cheese sighed and said "I've appreciated everything you've done Pinkie, but if you can't make me laugh, nopony can." He has a fair point. Usually, it's very rare to get past Pinkie when it comes to not laughing. Most of the time, she can get you to break when no one else can. But there are some times where not even she can do that. Sands said "But sir, you can't just surrender!" It looks like Cheese doesn't have much choice at this point. Cheese simply said "It doesn't look like I have a choice. I need to figure out how to live without a laugh."
That will be pretty depressing though. I'm just saying. It's not going to be that great of a lifestyle. Cheese looked at Pinkie with sad eyes and it only made me feel more guilty for the poor guy. "I know you tried your best, but you went home." What makes you say that? Cheese walked out the door and Pinkie gasped in horror. Sands said without much enthusiasm "I too am horrified." Sure don't look like it. Pinkie looked around and asked the entire room "So, that's it? You're all just giving up?" What choice do they have? If you can't make Cheese Sandwich laugh, what chance do they have? There isn't much hope left I'm afraid. Sands said "I'm afraid Mr. Sandwich is right. You are the funniest pony in Equestria and if you can't bring back his laugh, it is surely gone forever." Pretty much. Pinkie said "But Cheese was just as funny as me. I can't believe that's all gone." None of us really can to be completely honest. Sands said "None of us can. I shudder to think what will become of the factory." Oh my. That doesn't sound good. Pinkie asked "You're not gonna close down, are you?" They probably don't want to, but eventually, they'll have no choice but to. It's the sad reality that we have come to. "I thought this was Cheese's life's purpose!" It was, until this happened. Sands said "It certainly was mine." I can tell.
"But if Mr. Sandwich has finally given up, there's only so long we can retool his old ideas before we run out of gags to produce." Yeah, and if you're not selling anything, that means you aren't making any profit which means it will be a matter of time before it closes because you weren't able to keep up with payments because you were not making any profit whatsoever. "I don't suppose you'd consider working here." Yeah, I don't think so. Even though it would sorta help out Cheese, we need Pinkie here in Ponyville. She's one of the major staples of the town staying happy most of the time. "Your fresh take on classic gags rivals Mr. Sandwich in his prime." Well, it's not that surprising considering how similar these two are. Pinkie said "I need to find my life's purpose, but I don't think that's it." Good choice Pinkie. Everypony would be sad if you were here all the time. I can already see it now. "I'm a party pony. I need to make ponies happy in real time!" Well, that's how it is. Sands said "Ahh, yes. In our early days, nothing brought Mr. Sandwich more pleasure than seeing the laughter his gags brought to ponies firsthoof."
That's the key right there. You were doing wrong the entire time. But I'm not sure if Pinkie will pick that up. Pinkie hopped out the doors and said "Guess it's back to the drawing board." Not quite. There's something you have not tried yet. Sands said "Well, there will always be a place for you here if you change your mind." Pinkie suddenly stopped bouncing mid air and turned around. She said "Hold on. What did you just say?" There were a lot of things he just said. Sands said "There will always be a place for you here?" Pinkie came up to him and said "No no no. Before that." The pleasure of bringing happiness to ponykind across Equestria. Sands asked again "Back to the drawing board?" Pinkie got frustrated and said "That was me!" Yeah, it was true. Sands said again "Nothing brought Mr. Sandwich more pleasure than seeing the laughter his gags brought to ponies firsthoof?" THERE YOU GO! You got it this time! Took ya long enough! Pinkie exclaimed "Yes that! We've been going about this all wrong." It was only a matter of time before Pinkie was able to figure it out. "We don't need to make Cheese laugh, he needs to make us laugh!" Bingo. Pinkie accelerated up the stairs and burst open the door to Cheese's office. "Cheese! I figured it out! I know why you can't laugh!" Cheese seemed skeptical but said "What why?" You'll find out soon enough.
Pinkie said "You started this factory because you didn't want to disappoint smiling faces. But in here, you can't see any!" She has a point. It makes perfect sense why that would be the case. You would be staring at the same four walls all day, so it would become boring and unpleasant after a while. Sands came in out of breath and said "It does make a certain sense sir. Spreading laughter has always brought you joy." That was the whole point of the factory, however, you didn't realize what it did to your mental health and it brought devastating consequences along with it. Cheese was confused and said "But spreading laughter is what this factory does." True, but you never see that. You sit here in an office all day and monitor the progress of the gags being made. It becomes very mundane and extremely boring after a while. At that point, there would be no reason to anymore. Pinkie said "Except you don't see it. You're a party pony like me! You need to make ponies smile in person!" Pinkie brought Sands over for an experiment and the other workers observed from outside the door. "Here! Just try it!" Okay then. Here goes nothing.
Cheese said "Okayy… Um, why did Boneless 2 cross the road?" I have no idea. Sands just shrugged and Cheese continued. "To prove to Boneless 1 he wasn't a chicken." That doesn't exactly sound very funny. Sands said with a monotone expression "Very funny sir. Excellent joke." That's not helping here. Sands noticed the expression on Cheese's face and tried more desperately. "Oh, I mean, ha ha ha." Cheese was even more depressed and Pinkie asked "Really?" Well, to be completely honest, Pinkie, it wasn't really that funny whatsoever. So, I think Cheese needs to try harder. Sands said "Sorry. Not much of a laugher." Understandable. Pinkie said "Here. Try me. I promise I'll laugh." You'll laugh at anything Pinkie. Even if it's not that funny or doesn't make any sense. Cheese said "Pinkie, you laugh at everything. I appreciate what you're doing, but I think it's a cause lost. Uh, um lost cause." Oh dear. You said lost cause backwards. That's kinda a bit more funny. Suddenly, there was a snicker and that caught Cheese's attention. "What. Was. That?" A snicker, my dude. One of the workers came up and said "I-I'm sorry, but when you swapped the letters of those words, it was just a bit…" before Cheese asked "Funny?" The worker nodded and then Cheese began singing a song. Oh boy here we go. This is going to take a while. Time to get out the popcorn.
Press fast forward on your VHS's right now while you still can because this is going to get boring. Anyway, Cheese started smiling and he was able to return to his old self which made me happy because it was so depressing before. However, something Cheese did say to his buddy finally got him to achieve what he was looking for. He said "Hey Sands, how did the laughing bird's eggs hatch?" I'm not sure. How did they? "They cracked up!" That. Is. The. FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! That sounds so ridiculous. Anyway, that finally got Sands to break and he said "Sir, this is so ridiculous!" He started laughing hysterically and that helped Cheese even more. After some more laughter, the song ended and Sands stood up. "It's so good to have you back sir. Finally we can get the factory back running the way it used to be." I'm not sure that will do anything for ya. Cheese said "Sands my good pony, I don't think I could run this factory anymore. But you can!" Yeah, seems like the perfect fit to me. Sands seemed surprised and said "Without you? I don't understand." Makes perfect sense to me. Cheese said "Pinkie is right. This is what I need!" He's not wrong about that.
"I just can't have funny ideas, I need to wander the land and see ponies laughing at them." Yep. Just like Pinkie. "You could run the factory, but I need to LIVE!" Okay then. We have the echoing sounds in here. "And don't think I've forgotten about you, little buddy." Oh right. Boneless. How do the animators do that? They just made the chair move again with Boneless wearing a cowboy hat facing Cheese. This makes no sense whatsoever. I think Lauren Faust has secret supernatural powers or something to make inanimate objects move on their own. "I knew you'd be on board." Of course you did. You know everything that Boneless is thinking. "But don't worry. Out in Equestria, I'll have more great ideas for gags and I'll send them all to you!" Seems pretty good to me. Sands asked "Sir, are you sure this is what you want to do?" He seems pretty confident about it. Cheese exclaimed with pride "Of course! It's my LIFE'S PURPOSE!" Okay then. I feel happy for ya Cheese. Really I do. Pinkie said "Hey, that's what I came here looking for!" Yeah, I remember that quite clearly. Cheese said "Ya did? Well come on! Let's figure it out!" That will be interesting. Pinkie thought for a moment and looked back inside. She saw ponies laughing and that's when she knew her answer. She said "Actually, I think I'm good." Well, that's nice to hear.
After that, both her and Cheese said their goodbyes and Pinkie headed back to Ponyville. I quickly made it back to the castle and sat in my throne waiting because I knew Pinkie was going to tell the gang all about it. Eventually, the rest of them showed up and Pinkie told the story. At the end, she said "And then, I said goodbye and then I came here." Okay then. Let's just say she was extremely specific on the details. "Oh, and I gathered you all together and started telling you about it. First, I said-" Suddenly, Twilight interrupted and said "Well, that sounds like quite a trip." Thanks Twilight for making her stop. I was there the entire time and I don't need to hear every little tiny detail from her. It was starting to get annoying. Fluttershy asked "And Cheese Sandwich just left his own factory?" Pretty much. It made sense though. Pinkie said "Yep. But I think Sands Smirks' hooves were the perfect ones to leave it in." I agree. Seems like the kind of pony that would know how to successfully run a factory and not lose sight of the reason why it was built in the first place. "As much as Cheese Sandwich was born to wander Equestria and make ponies laugh in person, Sands was born to run that factory!" I would say so.
Nothing would make me think otherwise. Applejack said "And you don't seem so worried about finding your life's purpose anymore." That's also a good thing. She was able to see it in action and knew that was the right path for her. I might not believe in a life's purpose, but I know that is the right path for Pinkie. Speaking of which, she said "Nope. I figured out that Cheese and I are pretty much the same." I think the creators purposely made it that way for a reason. I don't know why, but there is one out there. "We both need to see ponies laughing to feel fulfilled. And I already do that." Believe me. She does. Knowing her for the past 5 or 6 years has taught me a lot about her personality. I've known of her existence for over 15 years, but I haven't really gotten to know her until 5 or 6 years ago. "My life is purposing itself all over the place!" Pretty much. Rarity laughed a bit and said "I agree completely." Same with me. Ponyville wouldn't be the same without her. Pinkie smiled and said "Thanks! Oh, I almost forgot! I got you all a little something from my trip! Who likes peanut brittle?" OH NO! NOT THAT! That was at the factory earlier, so I knew what it does. My brain suddenly went into alert mode and I immediately went into my shadow form and hid inside the wall so I could avoid the blast.
There's no way I was going to get hit by that thing. The rest of them laughed and I rolled my eyes playfully from above as I watched them laughing together. After a bit, they all left and I cleaned up the debris that was left behind. It didn't take that much work. It really only took about 10 seconds to clear away. After I was done with that, I flew out the window and landed on the ground. I walked behind the castle and I somehow activated a trap door. I saw it move and then I took a peek inside. This went under the castle for some reason. I went down the staircase and the door closed above me. Great. Now it's kinda dark in here. I lit up my scepter to provide some light and walked further down the stairs until I reached the bottom. Once I was at the bottom, there was a door that seemed very similar to the door that was seen in the Season 3 premiere where it will show you your worst fear if you use dark magic. Suddenly, my scepter glowed and blasted magic at the door. The door unlocked and opened. I shielded my eyes from the blinding light and when I went on the other side, I was completely surprised by what I saw. I walked down a hall that was being dimly lit by torches and when I reached the end of the hall, there was this giant room that looked like an underground history museum.
In this room, there were statues of every villain that the series ever had and brief history on them. They each had their own display talking about what creature they were, what their method of attack was, and what impact they left on Equestria. This was so cool. In the middle, there was a pedestal with a book on it and when I touched it, each villain display had a screen pop up showing their bitter defeats to the Mane Six. I'm surprised I haven't noticed this for all this time. The Tree of Harmony or even the Spirit of Harmony have never told me about this. I'm learning about this just now. But even still, I still think it's cool. Suddenly, I heard hoofsteps and I saw Twilight coming up to me. I said to her "Did you know this was down here? I sure didn't." Twilight came up next to me and said "Yeah, I did. I was going to eventually tell you about it, but it seems like you beat me to it before I could tell you." I sighed and said "Regardless though, it still looks very nice and is actually quite cool." Twilight smiled and said "Yeah, it is pretty cool." I asked "How long has this been down here?" Twilight replied "About 3 years." … What?! You're telling me that this has been down here for 3 years and you never bothered to tell me?!
Oh dear me. Twilight said "I'm sorry, Zach. I should have told you sooner. It's just that things have gotten so busy here over the last couple of years that I have completely forgotten about it until recently with the defeat of Sombra. Please don't be mad at me." I said "Twilight, I'm not mad at you. Even if I was, I couldn't be for that long. You're too beautiful to say mad with. Anyway the point is, I completely understand how it feels for something to be on your mind but so much time passes by while being busy and it completely slips your mind. I've had that happen in the past. So, I know what that feels like." Twilight smiled and asked nervously "Do you really think I'm beautiful?" Oh my. She has asked this so many times, but I don't care. Each time has something special with it. I said "Of course I do, Twilight. You are the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria." Twilight blushed furiously and said "Stop it. I'm not that beautiful." I think otherwise. I said "I'm not so sure about that. I have never seen a mare more beautiful than you. I know it sounds cheesy, but it comes from the heart. That's how I truly feel." Twilight looked at me with glassy eyes and asked "You really think so?" I smiled and said "I know so. Nothing would ever be the same without you."
Twilight smiled with tears in her eyes and tackled me to the ground before slamming her lips against mine. I obviously returned it as warm tears poured down her face when she was kissing me. She really cares about me and I care about her. Nothing will ever tear us apart. Who knows? Eventually, one day, we might become one flesh. You know what the bible says. Genesis 2:24 says "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." It can still happen even though my romantic life over the past decade and a half has sucked. But I think third times the charm will exist here with Twilight. We'll see in the future. For now, we have each other. That's all that matters to me. Just me and my beautiful mare.
AN: I'm sorry once again this chapter came out so late. Things have really been heating up in school for the last few weeks before I get out for the summer. Because of that, it's left me extremely tired and I just haven't had the time to do it. Thankfully, I got some time here now, so I'll have it out to you. Hopefully, chapter production will be more frequent in the summer and not go completely MIA for like two weeks, but anything is possible. Also, I do believe that cancel culture is stupid in this modern age. I understand that what some people do is extremely sick and it's not okay whatsoever, but we shouldn't try to end someone's career because of that. Instead, we should hold them accountable for their actions and not try to "cancel" them. Unfortunately, many young people in our modern society today can't seem to fully understand that. I'm NOT saying all young people, I'm just saying most of them do. Hopefully, things will improve in the future and cancel culture won't be so mainstream. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Next Chapter: Cheerleading! When the School of Friendship forms a buckball team, they have the School for Gifted Unicorns challenge them for the first game. Rainbow wants to coach the newly formed team, but Twilight instead assigns her to the cheerleading coach role. Rainbow isn't happy about it, but Twilight refuses to change that. So, Rainbow had to try and coach this cheerleading team. However, she tries everything she can to avoid it and not put in too much effort into it. Eventually, Smolder tells Rainbow the reality of what she is doing and leaves her with a choice. Will Rainbow make the right decision and properly coach the cheerleading team, or will she still dodge the task and get into trouble with Twilight?
Until then, my fellow readers