The Wednesday Ritual

Summary: Every Wednesday night Cana goes to the bridge where she almost ended everything and counts her reasons to live.

Warning: Mention of past suicide attempt and depression

Disclaimer: I don't own

AN: This was actually an early concept idea for my other fic 'let me tell you a story'. I know some people might be upset with how I depict mental health and coping strategies, but I feel like this turned out pretty good. I have this as a kind of epilogue to Dreamworld, a holdover from the height of Cana's depression.

Having Gildarts finally know the truth was like having a weight lifted off her chest. She felt like she could finally breathe after twelve years, sure he was a little clingy, but she found it just as endearing as it was annoying.

The two of them had been spending a lot of time together as Gildarts tried to make up for everything he'd missed. But she had a ritual to uphold, so despite her father's pouting she spent her Wednesday nights alone.

The brunette girl was glad that she had bundled up against the chill, as she climbed up onto the railing of the old bridge.

She took a swig from her bottle, letting the warmth of the bourbon seep through to her bones. "One, I have people who love me. Two, Griffith's would have to get a new part-time teacher. Three, old lady Rangiku would have no one to dog sit."

A holdover from the height of her battle with depression. Four years ago she had climbed up this railing intending to die and instead she had walked away with a new resolve to live. So this became her Wednesday ritual- she would climb onto the railing and count her reasons to live.

They didn't have to be deep elaborate reasons. Some were as simple as no one would feed her goldfish if she died. She'd quickly realized that even something as arbitrary as that was every bit as valid as not wanting to make anyone sad at her death.

"Two hundred and twelve, Mom would be sad if I came too soon."

"Cana?" A familiar voice asked in alarm.

The brunette blinked before turning to face her father, who looked… terrified.

It took a second before she realized that seeing your child sitting on the edge of a bridge with a five story drop into icy water was probably pretty alarming to a parent.

"Baby… are you okay?" The crash mage asked gently, inching his way forward to grab her just in case. He wasn't sure what was going through her head or what was going on, but he was going to protect his daughter, even if he had to protect her from herself.

The card mage smiled at her dad, and held out her hand, which he quickly grabbed.

Cana squeezed his hand to try and get him to calm down- he'd always seemed so cool and collected under pressure before.

"When I was fourteen, I came up here to commit suicide."

Cana felt Gildarts freeze and squeezed his hand again to remind him that she was alright. "Obviously I didn't go through with it." She said with a wry smirk on her lips," But every Wednesday I come back here, and I think of reasons to keep on living."

She turned back to the dark water below," Maybe its stupid, but this brings me some degree of peace. Somedays I can list more than others, but as long as I can think of something, it reminds me that my life is important, and that I as a person am important."

"Baby…" What do you say to that? "Would you mind if I sit with you?"

The brunette blinked, before smiling," I'd like that." She said honestly.

Gildarts briefly let go of her hand to climb onto the railing next to her and once he was sure he wasn't going to fall; he grabbed her hand again.

Cana took a deep breath," Two hundred and thirteen, I have a Dad who loves me."

AN: So what do you think? There won't be a second post this week because of the fresh hell that is my schedule, and there may not be one next week, but I'll do my best!