Chapter 76: You Have to Wait

Leaving her gossiping staff behind her and Derek as their main course, Meredith hurriedly made her way to the psych floor. Somewhere in between the floors, she was overcome with a wild fit of laughter that didn't subside even when she entered Dr. Wyatt's office and plumped on the leather couch.

"It's past-" began Dr. Wyatt studying her troublesome patient carefully.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's past the appointment time," Meredith waved dismissively, chocking back her laughter.

"Has something happened, Meredith?" probed the therapist apprehensively.

"I was duped," she mumbled taking a very deep breath in attempt to stop laughing. She was already purple on the face and feeling lightheaded. Or maybe it was because of Derek. "I was duped. Twice. By my staff." Another outburst of laughter.

"What do you mean?"

Meredith wiped the tears of amusement from her cheeks and sighed. "Dr. Wyatt," she looked at her with a smile. "I need you to fix me."

The older woman stared at her, her jaw set, experiencing a déjà vu. "I hope you don't have retrograde amnesia…"

Meredith's answer? Another boisterous gale laughter. Carefree, blissful laughter.

An animalistic growl escaped from Derek's throat as his fingers fumbled blindly to open Meredith's shirt.

"Fuck," he muttered with annoyance, struggling with the tiny buttons. He should be ashamed. He was a surgeon, a neurosurgeon to be precise. Yet, at 12.43 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, in one of the on-call rooms in Seattle Grace Hospital in Seattle, Washington, when everybody else was having lunch except him and Meredith, the task of taking her top off slipped out of the range of his abilities. He mourned her scrubs. He didn't exactly care what she wore, she looked sexy no matter what. But scrubs, they were all about easy access.

Derek would give much for easy access right now. His entire body was tense to the limits, glistening with a sheen of sweat. He was going insane with Meredith writhing underneath him and her hips rocking upwards to his erection that he was pretty sure had never been this hard before. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he was afraid that his balls might explode, literally.

It was one week after their long-awaited reunion in the locker room, a sweet period of readjustment, shy looks, sweet kisses, teasing, feeling up here and there, napping in on-call rooms together... Did that sound innocent enough? Because it was. Whenever things got too heated up, Meredith pulled away in a jump, almost immediately.

First, she said she wanted to go slow. Then, during an accidental encounter in a supply closet, she declared that slow was overrated. Unfortunately, when they were quite far into their activities, his pager went off and he had no other option than to check up on his patient, with a quick stop at the bathroom to deal with the hard tent that was bulging at the front of his pants. Derek hoped to get back to business that evening, but she nervously informed him she had gone off the pill while they were broken up. The following day, Derek thoughtfully equipped them with a pack of condoms which… didn't exactly prove necessary as Meredith was busy, whatever that implied. Then Addison decided she was going to move out soon and they all had to give her a helping hand with decorating her apartment. The very next night they had the whole house only for themselves; they ended up in her bed but Meredith, flustered and jumpy, whispered that she had a headache… and that was the moment when Derek's ego started to feel uncomfortable. No need to mention what other part of him was suffering an exquisite torture.

Derek tried not becoming overly concerned with the fact that his girlfriend, at least he suspected that was what she was to him again, well, his insatiable, constantly horny, sexy girlfriend who never said no, so to speak…, didn't want to make love to him. However, the frustration and a serious case of blue balls weren't his biggest problem. There was another one. Derek felt there was a gap between them. Where was that easy-going atmosphere, the ability to convey their intentions without words, the simple joy coming from their closeness? He didn't have any idea. He saw clearly instead the awkwardness that sometimes crept into their relations. Derek figured with resignation that it had to do with Meredith's lack of trust in him. She probably needed more time to let him in completely.

Maybe it was the moment to let him in a little bit more… he thought as Meredith's moans played in his ears. No, she was past moaning, she was mewling breathlessly. Her little sounds of pleasure and her hands that were roaming his bare chest blindly pushed the doubts momentarily out of his head.

At long last, he pulled her shirt open triumphantly. How could she not want this? Her skin was flushed from the heat born from the friction between their bodies. Her exposed chest rose and fell erratically as her plump lips tried to catch more air. He gave her no reprieve as his head dived towards her clavicle but soon moved down. Their second first time should probably be something more romantic than a quickie in an on-call room, but he was beyond caring, just too caught up with their passion. His hand fought once again with her clothing. In the blink of an eye, his fingers moved on from her knee under her skirt to her inner thigh, lifting her leg up around his waist. As he grazed the glorious wetness on her lingerie, he was sure they finally hit the moment…

Maybe not. It was never in Meredith's intention to take things further than cuddling, maybe kissing, and the next thing she saw was a heavy make-out session. Everything just progressed from one level to another. And she wasn't even that helpful either. Temptation was strong so she was as active as she would normally be. She was burning for him, but she couldn't let herself indulge in the greatest pleasure of this world. That simple truth came back to her with full force when she felt his trembling fingers just when she wanted them to be. But she couldn't… Dr. Wyatt's face drifted hauntingly into her mind and she went rigid under Derek's hard frame.

He didn't miss a beat recognizing the change in her instantly. She tensed and certainly not with the building pleasure. Against his will and also better judgment, he stopped his movements as well.

"What's wrong?" his voice was haggard and at the same time thin and strained.

She let out a deep breath. "I'm in therapy…" she whispered dejectedly.

"What?"

Meredith stiffened even more when Derek's eyes, still a bit uncoordinated due to the porny haze, tried to pierce her, demanding explanations.

Shit, did she just told him she was seeing a shrink? If Derek's questioning expression was any indicator, she did. It was either that or forget about sex while they were both growing increasingly impatient with the lack of it. All thanks to Dr. Wyatt…

Flashback

"Meredith, where are you?" Dr. Wyatt's voice brought her down to earth.

"Sorry," she breathed out. "I just… Can we finish… for today? I'm kinda in a hurry."

"In a hurry?" Dr. Wyatt leaned back into her seat studying her patient's eager face, the face she had never seen until the day before, when the young woman breathlessly announced that she and Derek were taking another chance. There was the smile that lit up her features out of the blue, the excitement, slight impatience, spark of humor. It was a wonderful welcome change but… "You're meeting Derek?"

"Yeah, yes," laughed lightly Meredith.

"Meredith, don't get me wrong," took up the therapist slowly. "I am glad to see you're changing your life for the better, that you let the people you love in. But you're far from being done."

"I'm happy," she argued gently. "Or well… I will be… soon."

"One decision, even if right, won't make it all better magically. A stable relationship requires hard work and compromise."

"I know it," nodded quickly Meredith. "Look, when we… when I agreed to give it a shot, I told Derek we should do it slow this time."

"Quite understandable," Dr. Wyatt stated approvingly.

"Then again, what does slow mean?" chuckled Meredith. "We were together for more than half a year before I screwed it up. We climbed a lot of steps. It's not like we had just met. We know each other."

"Have you and Derek been intimate since you reconnected?"

"You mean… you did not just ask me that!" stammered Meredith.

"What I'm telling you now is strictly professional advice," said Dr. Wyatt seriously. "I'm telling you this with your best interest at heart, not in hope to win a bet or scoop a piece of juicy gossip firsthand. You can trust me on this."

"On what?" asked Meredith cautiously.

"I think you and Derek should refrain from expressing your feeling physically just yet."

Meredith's mouth went wide open. "What? Absolutely not!"

"Meredith-"

"No!" she exclaimed. "What does it have to do with anything?"

"You've just got together; you have issues to sort out."

"Having a screaming orgasm would ruin this how?" asked Meredith, desperately trying not to yell with frustration.

"From what you've told me so far, I gather that sex was an important part of your relationship, wasn't it?"

Meredith let out a huff but admitted reluctantly, "Well, yeah." They had a lot of sex, all kinds of sex… hot, glorious…

"Do you think it could have served as a distracter from real communication between the two of you?" asked Dr. Wyatt shrewdly.

"I…a… maybe," she finally admitted. "But…. he's Derek! How can I be around him and not jump his bones?" she looked at the older woman desperately.

"What is more important for you, Meredith?" asked Dr. Wyatt stifling the smile that threatened to spill over her lips. "A few minutes of pleasure or your future with Derek?"

"A few minutes?" snorted Meredith. "Have you seen Derek? When we mean business, it's well… business."

"Meredith," said Dr. Wyatt, scolding.

"What?" shrugged Meredith innocently but sighed. "What would I tell Derek? I kind of… hinted we'll be… later… and…"

"Don't you think he'll be understanding about this?" probed the shrink. "You're not alone in this any longer, at least you shouldn't be."

"I… I…" hesitated Meredith avoiding Dr. Wyatt's astute eyes.

"Didn't tell him you're in therapy, did you?"

"No, I didn't," she muttered, following with a miniature blow out. "Why would I? I dragged him through hell and now he's going to learn that he's dating a loony? I don't think so!"

"I won't even start an argument over that," sighed Dr. Wyatt. "What are you going to do is your decision. But think about it. If you love that man the way you tell me, you don't want your relationship to mean as little as a prolonged fling. You want a lasting supportive relationship. It's time to embrace it."

Meredith hung her head down admiring the carpet pattern, but the next words addressed to her made her stare at Dr. Wyatt in shock mingled with mortification.

"Also, I feel Derek should join us."

End of flashback

A whole week passed since Dr. Wyatt made her suggestion and surprisingly enough Meredith followed it. At least, partially. Though their bodies were constantly on fire, Meredith always managed to pull away last minute, clinging to the thin shreds of self-control she had. Each time her heart panged at disappointment and confusion etched on Derek's face. And each time she bit her lip before she could blurt out the real reason behind her strange behavior. Until today. Something snapped inside of her. She couldn't lead Derek on giving him nothing in return, she couldn't go on with the unresolved sexual tension. Most importantly though, she craved exactly the thing Dr. Wyatt was talking about, a lasting supportive relationship with Derek.

"I'm in therapy," she cleared her throat and repeated in a stronger voice. "I'm seeing a shrink, Derek."

She gulped and raised her eyes hesitantly to meet his, the first thing she read in them being astonishment.

"Come again?" he whispered settling beside her on the narrow bed, propped on his arm but all the time hovering near her face.

"How many times do you want me to say it, Derek?" she snapped out but immediately regretted her harsh tone. "I'm sorry for… I'm just so sorry…" She brought both of her hands up to cover her eyes.

"Hey, hey," he muttered gently pushing her fingers away and making her face him again. "I'm just…"

"What? Disgusted? Repulsed? Terrified?" she shot trying to wriggle her out of his palms, but he only strengthened his hold.

"Actually, what I wanted to say was surprised," he chuckled slightly. "Can I… ask why? Since when?"

"I a… since I learned that your weren't a cheating son of a bitch after all," she shrugged. "I wanted to forget about you."

"Okaaay," he frowned. "You knew I was faithful, and you wanted to get rid of me?"

"I… Derek, that's just not the point now, okay?" she didn't have the power to have that conversation now. "It's just… I'm seeing a shrink… And I have… lots of issues…"

"It's okay," he assured her. "I'm with you now. You don't have to do this alone."

Meredith let out a sigh. She wasn't alone, that was what Dr. Wyatt told her. "You're not bothered by this?"

"That you're seeing a therapist? Should I be? Is it a guy?" he asked lightly.

She punched him in the chest, chuckling against herself. "No! She's a woman, in her fifties."

"Phew, glad to hear it," he let out a dramatic sigh of relief but sobered instantaneously. "The only thing that bothers me is that you have problems that you need a specialist to help you deal with. That you're in pain."

"I'm not in so much pain anymore," she murmured stroking his chin.

He nodded and planted a tender kiss onto her forehead.

"Just so you know," she said quickly. "She's the cockblocker."

"What? Who?" Derek shook his head slightly.

"My shrink. Dr. Wyatt. She asked me not to… you know. That's why I'm leaving you high and dry… if you happened to wonder, that is. Sorry…"

"Mer," he sighed intertwining his fingers with hers. "Why are you apologizing? If your doctor thinks it's better this way, I'm fine with it. We don't need to rush; we have all the time in the world… the rest of our lives?" the last part came more like a question than an assurance.

"We do," she confirmed at once. "There's… one more thing… Dr. Wyatt thinks… you should come… for the session…" she blinked at him quickly trying to gauge his reaction, "but you don't have to! If you don't want to-"

"I will," he nodded eagerly. "I'm right beside you whenever you need me."

All that Meredith could do was to give him a little grateful smile. Damn, she almost hoped he'd refuse. He was her Derek. He would never consciously do something to let her down.

"So, when's the appointment?" he asked making her bite her lip in dilemma.

"I have one today at 4…"

"Good, you know I don't have anything scheduled."

Yes, she knew. Today was the day when Addie's moving out and they were all giving her a helping hand.

"Okay," she breathed out. "Okay."

"It's gonna be alright," he gave her a reassuring smile and drew her into a warm hug. That was definitely progress. They were really going to make it. She confided in him; she was beginning to trust him again.

Dr. Wyatt studied the couple sitting on the couch in front of her with interest. They were definitely a match. They were both beautiful people, a petite blond and her dark-haired prince charming, they fit together seamlessly. However, their compatibility reached way beyond their physique. It was difficult to explain rationally, but Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey seemed to radiate an aura, like they belonged to each other, like their love was a law of nature. It would be such a waste if they didn't make it through. Dr. Wyatt was certain that with a bit of time and effort they would. They were here after all. A little nonplussed, both sitting stiffly on opposite ends of the couch, careful not to touch, but they were here.

It was interesting to be finally introduced to the man she heard so much about. She did see him a couple of times passing in the hospital, but she never met him personally. He certainly lived up to expectations. Just as she concluded from Meredith's description, he gave an impression of a reliable steady guy. One that had the patience of a saint, proven by his presence. Meredith could be a really difficult person to deal with if she tried. Dr. Wyatt herself had an occasional urge to yell at her, and mind you, she worked in the psych department for twenty years. That being said, she admired the young woman as well. For her strength of will, her determination, the ability to get up and go on. Life wasn't always kind to her. It left her battered, a bit broken, isolated from people, but it didn't manage to destroy the richness of her soul or harden her heart. She was sure Meredith would bring Derek along eventually, she did love him after all.

"First of all, thank you for coming," she smiled encouragingly at both of them. "I am perfectly aware that initially it might be an uncomfortable experience, but we're here to make it better, to help you. I also want to assure you that you're completely safe in this room, you can trust me."

She watched Derek slowly nod his head while Meredith let out a resigned sigh and stared at the carpet.

"Having said that, I have a request for both of you," she took up. "Be honest. Not for my sake. Remember you're going to talk primarily to each other. I'm just an intermediary here."

"Derek, let's start with you. Did you have any reservations about coming here?"

"Reservations?" he frowned. "No. Don't get me wrong, I would rather not talk about my personal life with strangers, but if it going to help Meredith, to help us, then it's fine by me."

"By "us" you mean your relationship with Meredith?" asked Dr. Wyatt.

"Well, yes," he confirmed simply.

"Why do you think your relationship needs help?" probed further the therapist. "What do you think needs to be improved?"

"I… we could… talk more, I think," he sighed.

"Talk more? You mean communicate?"

"Yes…" he admitted. "I mean, we had problems before the… before, but now… it's harder, more… awkward."

"You don't feel like you can say everything to Meredith?" prompted Dr. Wyatt.

"I…" he hesitated rubbing his cheek absent-mindedly.

"Or do you feel Meredith doesn't share important things with you?"

"I… both… to a degree," he sighed. "I think it's too soon."

"Too soon?"

"It's been only a week since we got together," he stated gently. "It's understandable that Mer needs more time… to believe in us, to trust me."

They both turned their heads towards Meredith when they heard her soft gasp.

"Meredith?" Dr. Wyatt addressed her. "Is Derek right? Do you need more time to feel grounded in your relationship?"

Meredith looked at her briefly before resting her eyes on Derek. "No," she whispered. "I do… I do trust Derek."

"It's okay, Meredith," he shook his head quickly. "Listen, you really don't have to"

"No, you listen!" she frowned at him and he momentarily obeyed her commanding tone. "If I'm telling you that I trust you, then I trust you!"

"Okay," he nodded.

"You don't believe me?" she huffed. "I trust you! I do know you're this perfect sweet caring guy with the heart size of Africa. I would jump off the hospital roof if you told me, we should do this. I would say yes if you gave me the ring-" she stopped abruptly realizing what she just said out loud. "Yeah, I mean… if it was just about me… so I… I… trust you. It's not that I don't trust you."

"You… good…" he breathed out.

Dr. Wyatt raised her eyebrows slightly at the way Derek Shepherd was now looking at Meredith. She was pretty sure she had never seen a man more in love than him. It was pure worship and adoration if she ever saw one. All thanks to the little word "ring" that slipped from Meredith's lips. Maybe she was less broken that she had thought.

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable," Dr. Wyatt went on. "But do you think the lack of sexual intimacy could be the reason you're more acutely aware of the ailing communication between you?" she looked questioningly from Meredith to Derek.

"I… I don't know," answered pensively Derek folding his arms over his chest.

"Well, I know it sucks," grumbled Meredith breaking the slight tension. "Not in a good way."

Derek chuckled giving her a brief smile.

"Derek, you said you're not comfortable enough to talk about certain topics. What are those topics? Do you talk about what happened between you in the last months? About your break-up? About its reasons?"

"Meredith, have you trusted Derek with your concerns, your inhibitions?"

"No," he answered sobering up.

"Let me be clear, it's not that I want you to take it slow because it's a whim of mine or what a shrink should suggest. Meredith, your issues are fed by your avoidance of talking about your feelings, your emotions. In order to improve, to heal, you're going to have to start talking about them. My concern is, if you get lost in the lust of it all, you won't have to make a start. You won't have any reason to. You'll feel that you have everything you need until you don't. Again."

Meredith lowered her eyes to her hands.

"So, I'm asking you to wait."

When they left the office together fifteen minutes later, they both felt drained and exhausted, but also warmed up with a flutter of hope.

"That was…" Meredith breathed deeply leaning back against the wall for a brief moment.

"Informative?" he sighed and proceeded to take her into a tender hug. "It's going to be okay."

She looked deep into his eyes. It would be okay if she only plucked up the courage. "I'm sorry," she said with a small voice.

"Why do you keep apologizing?" he chuckled and caressed her cheek delicately with the back of his fingers. "It's going to be okay; I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered and tilted her head back to allow him to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

The contact didn't last long since the door they just closed behind them opened again to reveal Dr. Wyatt. Meredith sprang apart from Derek and said as breathlessly as she just went through a heavy make-out session rather than a chaste kiss, "It's… it's nothing! We're just going."

Derek threw her an apologetic look and hurried after his girlfriend while Dr. Wyatt went to get her coffee with a chuckle. She was almost going to miss Meredith Grey when she was done with her therapy.