AN: Good afternoon everyone and happy Tuesday. I hope you all have been staying safe in this crazy world. Life has been super busy, as usual. It can be so hard to find time to write at times. I've been reading Harry Potter and my husband and I bought the Harry Potter board game, which is super fun and I recommend it to any fan of the series. By both playing the game and reading the books it makes me want to write again. So you can thank the clever genius who came up with the board game. Anyways today is April 13, 2021 and this is the first chapter today. Anything you recognize is JK Rowling's and anything you don't is mine.

Hermione POV

The start of December brought wind and sleet to Hogwarts. Drafty though the castle always was in winter. I was glad of the fires and thick walls every time I passed the Durmstrang ship on the lake, which was pitching in the high winds, its black sails billowing against the dark skies. I thought the Beauxbatons caravan was likely to be pretty chilly too. Hagrid, I noticed, was keeping Madame Maxime's horses well provided with their preferred drink of single-malt whiskey; the fumes wafting from the trough in the comer of their paddock was enough to make the entire Care of Magical Creatures class light-headed. This was unhelpful, as we were still tending the horrible skrewts and we definitely needed our minds completely focused on them. Harry, Ron, and I did our best trying to get the Skrewts to cooperate but I was distracted by thoughts of Remus. Things had finally slowed down enough for me to actually think about Ginny and my conversation the night before the first task.

Did I love Remus?

As soon as the thought popped into my mind I frowned. I had no idea what true love was supposed to be like. The only example I had was Ron's parents and even they bickered and yelled at times, I didn't like it when married couples fought like that. I didn't know what I was doing! How were you supposed to bear yourself like that to another person? Just the thought of it made my stomach swoop like I was flying through the air!

"Ughhh." I groaned softly rubbing my head. This was all so confusing.

"Hermione, are you okay?" Harry asked, giving me a side glance.

"Yeah, I'm - uh-oh." I muttered, standing to my full height. Rita Skeeter was walking up to the class, a smirk on her thin red lips.

"Bloody hell!" For once I didn't correct Ron.

"Well, well, well. . . this does look like fun."

Remus POV

"Would you stop pacing, you are driving me mental!" Sirius all but growled.

"You would be too if every thought was all twisted inside your Mate making you feel disoriented." I groaned, rubbing my temples.

"Is she close to her -"

"No! Stop asking that every time something like this happens!" I snapped before dropping into one of the armchairs with a huff. "This is all so confusing..."

"It doesn't have to be." Sirius said, swirling his drink around before taking a sip.

"Oh yeah, have you spoken to a certain Miss Lovegood since she learned who you really are?" I asked with a pointed look at Sirius. He cleared his throat roughly and averted his eyes. "I thought not."

"We'll deal with your problems first." Sirius said, a frown on his face.

"Nice try, that girl is as confused as Hermione is, I assure you." I said absently clutching a bottle of butterbeer.

"Why would you say that?" Sirius asked, rubbing his neck.

"She has the same look that Hermione had in her eyes after we found out we were Mates." I said, taking a sip of butterbeer.

"That may be true but we aren't -" Sirius was cut off by Hedwig soaring majestically through the doorway and dropped a letter in my lap and fluttered behind Sirius' head. She nipped his ear once before flying back out.

"She's too noticeable to be going in and out of here." Sirius muttered darkly. "Any owl would be too noticeable with the Muggles all around."

"Quiet." I muttered as I opened the letter.

Dear Remus,

Things have been weird since the first task. We didn't get much of a chance to talk with everything going on all at once and I know you could sense it. This is so hard for me to say but I need to get it all out to try and unravel my jumbled feelings and thoughts.

The night before the first task Ginny asked me when I told you I loved you for the first time.

I blinked owlishly and shook my head. "I think I should read this alone."

"Got a love note, huh?" Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Shut up!" I snapped, ignoring Sirius saying it was only a joke, and ran up to Regulus' room which I had been staying in. It took two minutes too long for me to get up to the fourth floor. I slammed the door shut before continuing where I had left off.

I had been so shocked I didn't say anything and made an excuse and went to bed. I ruminated all night about it, it was all so confusing. The next day she got me trapped in the Great Hall and asked me again. That's when the awful story came spilling out of me like sewage. It was terrible. I haven't even told you since I'm so ashamed of all of the sordid history but I told Ginny in the Great Hall during breakfast. Someone could have overheard!

I'm sure you're wondering what in the world I'm talking about so I will go back to the very beginning.

My mother was a beautiful woman when she went to college. All the men flocked to her like a moth to the flame. She loved being adored by everyone. There was one man in one of her classes that didn't even look her way. My father. She did everything she could to make his head turn but nothing did the trick. Eventually she changed her approach, she needed a tutor and asked the professor who the smartest person in the class was. As I'm sure you guessed it was my father.

My father barely agreed to help tutor her but he did. My mother kept giving him drinks to help loosen him up and he eventually did. I was conceived that night and a month and a half later my parents were married. Everyone thought it was oh so romantic but my mother hated my father and the baby she carried, me.

My dad did everything he could to make my mother happy but she never was. As a child she snubbed me and I went to my father for everything. She was overly harsh and my father went along with everything to make her happy but it never worked. It was a terrible atmosphere to be raised in. My mother would scream and yell at my father while he tried to placate her, it never worked. I would hide in my closet, cover my ears, and hum aas loudly as I could to block her out.

The first time I saw a loving marriage was when I saw Arthur and Molly together. Their soft tones, stolen kisses, and whispered conversations were foreign to me. The bickering however was not. It was all so confusing. I disliked the fighting but loved it when they were sweet together.

I told Ginny about some of that but not all of it. She said the way I acted around you was like I was in love but to be perfectly honest I don't know what love is. All I know is that I like to spend time with you, that you're handsome, you make me happy, and I can tell you anything.

A warm flush spread across my neck and I roughly cleared my throat.

I don't think that's love. I think that's friendship with a little crush on the side. You've told me that someday we will be together and I believe you. But will we be in love? Does this bond FORCE you to love me? Or will it be real? Will we fight like my parents? Or will we have those sweet little moments like Molly and Arthur?

If you could give me any insight on ANY of this I would greatly appreciate it. I am so confused and I'm sure you've been able to feel it.

Your Mate,

Hermione

P.S. You won't believe who I found today when I went down to the kitchens for the first time. Dobby the elf and Winky too! He is so sweet and absolutely adorable but it seems like the other elves are ashamed of him because he is paid now. Winky is almost inconsolable with grief at losing her position. I tried to tell her she was better off but she only covered her ears and wailed. I'll try again another time!

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. Bloody hell. No wonder Hermione's emotions were so crazy lately. She couldn't even see what was happening but I sure could. My Mate was beginning to love me and didn't even know it.

AN: Please review guys! It means so much to me guys and it helps me get out chapters faster!